Revelations and Expectations
by Kariesue
Summary: Will things go awry when secrets are revealed?  And will Sheppard pay the price?
1. Chapter 1

**disclaimer**: Don't own it, wish I did...

**ratings and warnings **: Early chapters are probably K+ or T but later chapters are M for profanity befitting an angry military man and steamy scenes.

**A/N**: Focuses on John Sheppard and 3 major relationships. John/Dave, John/Torren and John/Teyla. Makes reference to the story "The Bridge" and finishes the letter from Patrick in "A Letter from Pegasus" but it's not until ch. 18. **Cameos **by most of the SG-1 cast at some point or other. Some appear more than once. Julia Donovan is borrowed from the SG-1 episode_ Prometheus_ and Emmet Bregman is borrowed from the SG-1 episode _Heroes_. Sheppard's birthdate is from the Stargate Wiki.

This story is quite extensive in length so I apologize to anyone reading it for all the time I will take away from you. But it was extremely fun to write. My family will be happy that I am done.

I'm not a doctor and this is Sci Fi, remember that when reading the medical stuff.

**Thanks**: To T'Pring for letting me borrow Julia. Hope I did her justice. She was immense fun to write. And thank you to all the people who sent tons of encouragement and gave me motivation to continue by asking for a sequel to "The Bridge". Especially Sagey, who sent so many notes that she was rewarded with an early preview. And thanks for the feedback, Sagey, it was great! I'm glad you enjoyed it.

**Feedback**: Is always welcome and appreciated, but read the author notes and if something's not your cup of tea, please don't read. I find that I really enjoy writing when I write what I want to read. Therefore this story is very self-indulgent. But if someone else likes what I like, please let me know!

_**Revelations and Expectations**_

_**by kariesue**_

General Jack O'Neill sighed as he put the phone down and waved Major Paul Davis into his office. Davis came in, seated himself in a chair opposite O'Neill and waited. O'Neill had his head in his hands and was making strange noises while shaking his head. He finally looked up and acknowledged the man sitting across from his desk.

"Davis."

"I take it things don't look too good right now, Sir." Davis said.

"Oh, that's a bit of an understatement, Major." O'Neill sighed again. "The Pentagon's in an uproar and the IOA is insisting on immediate action. What a mess!"

Davis sat up straighter. "I suppose we've been lucky to have kept this fairly quiet for over thirteen years."

"And we probably could have kept it quiet for a lot longer if the Wraith hadn't decided to come visit." O'Neill stated.

"You're sure there's no way to just cover this up, too?" Davis asked hopefully.

"Unfortunately Earth technology has just come too far on its own. Everyone's got a camera phone and access to the Internet now. And those are just the common folk. The big technology firms and news hounds have hacked into every satellite there is up there." He pointed skyward. "Someone managed to pick up part of the communication between Carter and Sheppard right before he went on his suicide run to take out the hive ship."

Major Davis just closed his eyes and shook his head. General O'Neill leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes as well and repeated the heavy sigh.

It had been about eight months since the city of Atlantis had come to Earth to protect it from the ZPM souped up hive ship. The hive was destroyed, thanks to the unselfish pluck and extreme dedication of one Colonel John Sheppard. Of course he had only been a Lt. Colonel at the time, but saving the asses of every human on Earth by flying inside a Wraith ship and blowing yourself up was certainly a worthy enough act for the promotion he was given. Sheppard had been lucky though. His team had managed to gate aboard the hive ship and get him off before it blew. But that certainly didn't take away from the sacrifice he was willing to make for the sake of his homeworld. The President had thought so too, and had presented Sheppard with the Medal of Honor at the same time as his new rank

O'Neill thought back to all the Atlantis mission reports he'd read. Sheppard was like a cat with nine lives. He'd been on more than his share of suicide runs and always managed to make it back. He wondered how many of the nine he'd already used up.

Atlantis had stayed on Earth for several months until a ZPM was found to supplement the ones that had been partially depleted on its trip back to Earth. That in itself was a struggle, as was convincing the IOA that Atlantis should go back to the Pegasus Galaxy. The IOA thought Atlantis should stay on Earth to protect it from any further attacks. But Sheppard and McKay, along with Woolsey, surprisingly, gave a convincing argument that they could keep Earth safest by combating the Wraith before they got anywhere near the Milky Way. The Wraith already knew about Earth due to Colonel Sumner's unfortunate first encounter with them. They'd have a better chance of stopping them at the source than waiting until they got all the way here.

The Wraith knew _**of**_ Earth, but luckily they were pretty sure none of the other Alliances knew of its location. Keeping them in sight in the Pegasus Galaxy was a better option. The IOA had to grudgingly agree. So five months ago Sheppard and his ATA gene had taken the city back to where it belonged. The Ancient city was now gone but had left behind in its wake a trail of problems no one had adequately anticipated.

The attack of Wraith darts on Area 51 and subsequent defense by the F302's had been unfortunately captured on several video cameras and iphones not to mention some of the satellite networks owned by the news media. Area 51 was always a place of interest and therefore had the attention of a multitude of people. The massive explosion of the hive ship was apparent to much of the world as well. Just how close they had gotten to Earth still made O'Neill shudder. But the crowning glory had been Atlantis itself hurtling across the sky as Carson Beckett attempted to control its entry into Earth's atmosphere. They had managed to get the cloak up before they were too close but those damn satellites hadn't missed a thing. And the fact that a large part of San Francisco Bay was off limits for almost three months was just frosting on the cake.

The military had spent the first few months putting out little fires here and there, but the flames had started burning out of control when several countries in other parts of the world started accusing the United States of developing and testing new weapons. The news media of course got involved. The military could control that to a certain extent but when foreign news agencies also got involved, the hands of the US military were tied. It seemed their years of anonymity were at an end.

He straightened in his chair and gave Major Davis a grim smile.

"So they've decided to do it?" Davis asked warily.

O'Neill's lips thinned as he replied, "Yeah, let's hope it doesn't backfire on us."

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"Okay, Buddy, you've got to promise me you'll hold on tighter this time." John Sheppard commanded the not quite two-year old. "If you fall off and get hurt again, your Mom is gonna have my hide."

Big, brown eyes looked up at him, sparkling with excitement. "Otay, I hode on tight!" promised the boy, wiggling his bottom as he grasped the sides of the splashy skateboard more firmly. John looked down the long corridor checking for any strays wandering by.

"You ready, Pal?" John asked. The excited nod and huge grin gave him the answer.

"Okay, here we go, hold on!" John gave the skateboard one big push and sent it flying. He jogged quickly beside it, eyes on the child in case he started to fall off. The last thing he wanted was another episode like last month. Torren hadn't held on tight enough and had taken a tumble. He had fussed for only a minute before he wanted to go again. But John had scooped the kid up as soon as he fell, noticing the scratch he had acquired on his face. _Of all the places_, John thought, _Teyla is definitely going to notice this_.

And she had, especially as the scratch had started to turn black and blue within the hour. John had felt horrible after it happened even though Teyla had assured him that Torren was fine. But the next afternoon during their sparring session, Teyla had been more relentless than usual. John had left the session quite battered and by the next morning he himself had half a dozen bruises starting to form. He didn't want that to happen again.

John's eyes followed the child as the board started to slow down. He rushed over, grabbed the boy and swung him around in the air. As he lowered Torren to the floor, the toddler jumped up and down excitedly yelling, "Aden!"

"Again, huh?" John questioned. He smiled at the expression on the boy's face. He couldn't believe how big this kid was getting. In just two short months he would be two years old. It didn't seem like it had been that long.

John stepped on the board and started to push off, plucked a bouncing Torren off the floor as he went past and sailed a few more yards. They had gotten to the intersection that John had always loved to use when he alone had the skateboard. Torren also seemed to realize that it would be the perfect ride. The corridor had a slight slope for about 300 feet.

The boy bobbed in John's arms and pointed, "Down dere, pease!"

John took a deep breath and knew there was no way he could let the kid ride the board down this hall, at least not by himself.

"Okay," he agreed, "But we have to go together, you understand?"

John thought about holding Torren while he rode the board down but realized that had too many hazards as well. He sat on the board, crossing his legs so his combat boots were both off the floor. He balanced with one hand while he encouraged Torren to sit in the lap that he'd made.

"Okay, T.J., you've got to stay sitting right here, all right. No wiggling around." The boy nodded and leaned back into John's chest. John wrapped one arm around the child and pushed off with the other hand. They started off slow but picked up momentum the further down the corridor they got. About halfway down he heard Torren laugh. The laugh always got to him. It meant he was having a great time. And John knew he was responsible for bringing some joy into this kid's life. After all the death and destruction they dealt with on a daily basis, joy was a real good thing.

As they neared the end of the ramp, John realized he hadn't really had a plan for stopping. The corridor ended in a T with a hallway on each side, which meant that there was a wall right in front of them. With the memory of the bantos-stick-inflicted bruises from only a month ago still fresh in his mind, John figured he needed to slow down _now._ With the wall quickly approaching, John leaned to the left and wrapped both arms around Torren. He attempted to untangle his legs and roll off the board. He managed to slow his speed a bit but still hit the wall with enough force to take his breath away momentarily. The skateboard skittered out from under them and rolled a few feet to the right.

John looked to make sure Torren was still wrapped protectively in his arms and he collapsed against the wall with a groan.

"Aden, aden!" cheered Torren.

"Not today Pal," replied John, feeling a fresh bruise nagging in the center of his back. A soft applause to John's right had him looking up and muttering, "Crap!"

Standing there in the hallway was Major Lorne, Ronon and a half dozen or so new Marines that John knew had just arrived on the Apollo yesterday. He hadn't even met them yet. _What a great first impression,_ he thought as he scrambled to his feet bringing Torren with him. Lorne just smiled indulgently and continued to herd the newbies down the hall.

As they walked off, John heard him tell them, "The briefing with Colonel Sheppard is in ten minutes. We should head up there now."

John glanced at his watch and muttered, "Crap!" again but appreciated the hint from Lorne.

T.J. giggled and mimicked, "Cwap!"

"You better watch out what you teach that kid, Sheppard." Ronon warned, but smiled anyway.

"Yeah," John agreed and pointed to the skateboard that had landed near Ronon's feet. "Can you grab that? I've gotta get him settled and then get back in time for that briefing."

Ronon picked up the board as John carried Torren and they headed for the closest transporter. As they got in, Ronon commented, "I thought Teyla didn't want Torren on this thing anymore."

"She doesn't," John confirmed. "But look at that face," he held Torren up closer to him, "How can you refuse that face anything? The kid was begging me to ride it again."

"Teyla's not gonna be too happy when she finds out." Ronon gave another warning.

"You gonna rat me out, Buddy?" John challenged as they exited the transporter and continued down the hall.

"Not me." Ronon denied. "But you know Teyla, she has a way of finding things out."

John made a face as he nodded his head in agreement. They entered the big, bright room and John deposited Torren on the floor. The place was looking pretty good, John thought. While they had been on Earth several months back, the city had received even more citizens. Among some of the best and brightest the IOA had wanted on board were a few married couples with children. John had quickly remembered this part of the city from his many explorations. There were several rooms that had looked like they had been classrooms of some sort. John, with the help of Teyla, had transformed the rooms into a comfortable child care area. When they had returned to Pegasus, Teyla's Athosian friend, Aleeah had volunteered to take care of the few children who needed it.

At first John wasn't sure about employing people with kids, after all they were at war with the Wraith. But then he realized you couldn't really expect to keep people here for any length of time and ask them to put their lives on hold. Working closely with others, you formed attachments. He thought of Rodney and Dr. Keller. They'd been spending quite a bit of time together lately and things looked kind of serious. Many of the inhabitants had been here for six years, himself included. Plus, Torren was here and he needed some friends to play with. And if the Wraith managed to find them they could always evacuate, they'd gotten very good at that if they needed to.

Lately they hadn't needed to though. The Wraith were still battling each other over territory and were doing more damage than the Lanteans could ever have hoped for. The Planetary Coalition had gained power and speed, too. With so many people in the galaxy finally banding together, there was now hope where there had been none before.

Teyla spent much of her time working with the Coalition as representative of the city of Atlantis as well as the Athosian people. She had been spending much more of her time on diplomatic missions or in Woolsey's office conferring with him. Especially since Woolsey had promised the Coalition that Atlantis would take a very active part in this newly formed group.

John kind of missed having her with them on Recon missions but had to admit he felt relieved that he didn't need to worry about her safety nearly as much as he used to. Torren needed his mom nearby. And it wasn't like he never saw her. Heck, he and Ronon actually accompanied her on many of her diplomatic missions. They'd teased her that they were her elite bodyguards. But Woolsey had come to rely on Teyla immensely and he wanted her safe and he knew John and Ronon would never allow anything to happen to her.

John also saw Teyla most days when they were sparring and he was the one to bring Torren to the childcare room in the mornings. Teyla spent most mornings training with the military personnel and John loved to spend time with the kid. They were both early risers and could usually get in a full hour or more of playing before Sheppard had to officially report for duty. And it let Teyla have a bit more free time for herself.

At first John had felt uncomfortable getting Torren so early from Teyla's quarters, but since Kanaan spent more time in the Athosian village than in the city, it hadn't really been a problem. _And she looks so amazing when she's just woken up, all fresh and new. _John shook himself for a minute wondering where that stray thought had come from. _Oh, come on John. You secretly hope she'll open the door, still in those cute silky pajamas, looking like she's just rolled out of bed._

John shook himself again realizing these thoughts were completely inappropriate. Teyla had Kanaan. Kanaan was T.J.'s father. John had no rights whatsoever where either one of them was concerned. That thought alone was more effective than a bucket of cold water. John watched as Torren ran over and was greeted by Aleeah. He may not have any rights where Torren was concerned but he was thankful that Teyla, and yes, even Kanaan, allowed him to be such a big part of this kid's life.

He didn't know why this kid affected him so much, didn't know how he had wormed his way deep inside John's heart. Okay, looking at the similarity of this child to Teyla, maybe he did. But he knew that spending time with Torren was so important to him he couldn't even imagine how devastated he'd be if that was taken away from him.

"Uh, Sheppard," Ronon reminded John. "Aren't you supposed to be running a meeting right now?"

John looked at his watch and muttered, "Crap!" yet again. He looked at the skateboard in Ronon's hand and asked, "Any way you can put that back in my quarters for me, Buddy?"

Ronon just looked bored, handed the item to Sheppard and said, "Nah! I'm gonna be late for a sparring session with Amelia."

John's gaze pleaded with Ronon, but Ronon just smiled suggestively, "I don't want to miss a second of sparring with her. She's really good!"

"Oh, I'll bet she is," John replied sarcastically.

Ronon lifted a hand in farewell and walked out the door. John turned back to see Torren and Aleeah moving toward him. He knelt down and gave the boy a big hug. "Teyla and I are sparring regular time this afternoon and she should be here right after."

He looked back at Torren, "T.J., Buddy, I'm not sure I'm gonna get here to have lunch with you today, but I'll definitely see you tonight for your story. Be thinking about which one you want okay?"

He squeezed Torren again and gave him a kiss on the head. Aleeah took the child's hand and gave John an encouraging smile. John took the skateboard and left it in the hall figuring he'd collect it sometime later. He ran for the transporter, hoping Lorne had found some good tale to tell the men while they waited for their CO to arrive.

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Lieutenant McCarthy looked at his watch again, nervous about meeting his new CO. Colonel Sheppard was a legend back at the SGC. When you first heard about him, you figured most of the stories were exaggerated. But he'd spent three weeks on the Apollo with nothing better to do than read Atlantis mission reports. He and many of the other new recruits had asked the Apollo crew a million questions about the Colonel and Atlantis. The stories, it seemed, were all true.

The man was touted as an incredible military strategist whose plans were sometimes so outside the box as to be ridiculous. But they always worked. He was also well known for running suicide missions and coming back alive. Apparently he had survived several Wraith feedings and could even withstand interrogation from a Wraith Queen. The man was amazing. And to top it all off, he had a natural ATA gene that he could use with more skill than anyone else in two galaxies.

McCarthy pictured this huge super soldier in his head and looked again at his watch. The briefing should have started thirteen minutes ago. He was sure Colonel Sheppard would be an absolutely punctual man; most military personnel were. He wondered what important crisis was keeping him from being here.

Major Lorne was still at the front of the room giving the men a run down on some new procedures that were being initiated. McCarthy only half listened, his eyes going to the open doorway, anxiously watching for movement.

He saw someone in black BDU's quietly slide into the room. It was the guy who crashed into the wall with his skateboard. The man looked nervously at Major Lorne and chewed on his bottom lip. McCarthy thought he should be nervous, he was nearly fifteen minutes late. The guy was just lucky that Sheppard wasn't here yet. He was sure the Military Commander of this base would not put up with shenanigans like that. He looked at the guy again and noticed his haircut wasn't exactly regulation and it was sticking up all over the place at the crown of his head. How did he get away with that?

McCarthy elbowed the soldier next to him, a sergeant named Joyal. "Look, it's the clown we saw on the skateboard this morning."

At this comment Sgt. Dusty Mehra, who was standing in front of him, looked over and then at the door to see whom he was talking about. McCarthy had met Mehra yesterday when he had checked in his stuff. She was pretty hot but her attitude and language showed she was tough as nails.

Sgt. Joyal looked at the newcomer and wondered, "Who is he? He's kind of old to be on a Recon Team isn't he?"

McCarthy shrugged as he noted the thin physique of skateboard guy. "He's probably gate crew, they don't have to be real strong to push buttons on a computer."

Mehra became interested when she heard where the conversation was going. She chuckled and flicked her eyes in the direction of the door. "You're talking about that guy?" At their nods, she informed them, "He could run circles around you, take you both on and wipe the floor with you!"

McCarthy and Joyal both laughed at the suggestion, which made a few more heads turn in their direction. Lorne was just finishing up and moving away from the desk in front of the room. McCarthy straightened up figuring Sheppard must have come in. He didn't want to miss the approach of this legend. But Mehra was still looking at them indicating the man who was now walking to the front of the room.

"That," her eyes flicked forward, "is your new CO, Colonel Sheppard."

McCarthy's jaw dropped open.

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Sheppard finished up the briefing as quickly as he could. He'd given status reports and shared the latest Intel on the Wraith. He'd discussed the newest additions to the Planetary Coalition and talked about the importance of using this Coalition to find better ways to fight the Wraith. He'd torn a strip off nobody in particular but made it clear the Tac vests weren't being maintained properly and that could mean the difference between life and death when you were on a mission. Nods and 'Yes, Sir's' were given when he asked if everyone understood the penalty for an unprepared vest was a week scrubbing the gate room floor with a toothbrush. He finished off with a list of the movies that were playing in the Rec Room this week saying that down time was as important as work time.

"Okay, get back to work!" he dismissed. "Lorne, "he called and cocked his head to indicate he was ready to meet the new recruits.

Major Lorne signaled for the new men and women to head up to the front of the room. As they waited, Sheppard grinned at Lorne. "Thanks for the head's up this morning, Major. I was a little distracted and wasn't really paying attention to the time."

"You usually aren't when you're with him, Colonel," Lorne replied with a grin. The newbies were now standing at strict attention in front of them.

Lorne introduced. "This is Colonel Sheppard. He's the Military Commander of this base. I told you yesterday that you'd get a chance to meet him today. Sir…" and Lorne went down the line introducing each of the new recruits.

Sheppard noticed the confused looks on most of the faces. They almost always had that look when they first met him. He hated that others always built him up into this larger than life character. It made it very hard to live up to. And he always saw disappointment in a few sets of eyes when they first saw him. He wanted to give them a 'don't judge a book by its cover' lecture but figured they'd discover sooner or later what was real and what wasn't. But this group's first impression of him was even more skewed and if they spoke of it too much, he'd be screwed, by Teyla.

"Okay," he began. "First big test. What you think you saw this morning, didn't really happen, right?"

Eight heads nodded and snapped out a "Yes, Sir!"

"And did I have a two year old on a skateboard with me?" He shook hid head indicating what their reply should be.

Eight voices sounded loud and clear, "No, Sir!"

"Major Lorne, I think this new batch is gonna do just fine. As long as they can follow orders like they just did."

Lorne chuckled and asked, "Do you really think Teyla's not going to find out, Sir?"

"Oh, I hope not," John returned.

Just then a soft voice came from behind them. "What is it you are not hoping for?"

John turned around slowly and pasted a smile on his face. "Hi Teyla!" he said sweetly.

"Hello John." She returned, her eyes puzzled at John's demeanor.

John held up one finger at Teyla, turned back to the people standing behind him and said, "Dismissed!"

Lorne grinned again and shuffled his new charges off to their next orientation.

"Is everything all right, John?" Teyla asked as she came to stand closer to him.

He turned to look at her and supplied casually, "Everything's fine. Just trying to live up to my reputation."

Teyla's eyes softened as she rested her hand on John's arm. "It will not take long for them to see you truly are the wonderful leader they have heard stories of."

John stared at Teyla's hand on his arm and then slowly put his on top. He squeezed her hand and then patted it as he said, "I hope so."

Teyla removed her hand and continued, "Mr. Woolsey would like to meet with us. He had a private discussion with General O'Neill this morning and has been a bit agitated ever since. Ronon and Rodney have already been notified. He sent me down here to inform you once you were finished with your briefing."

"You have any idea what it's about?" he asked.

"I am afraid I do not."

"Okay, let's go find out what's up." John put one hand on Teyla's back and held the other one out in front of her. "Lead the way."

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xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo

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John and Teyla walked into the conference room and noticed that Ronan, Rodney and Jennifer were already seated at the big mahogany table. John walked over to the side and poured himself a cup of coffee. Torren had kept him busy at breakfast so he hadn't gotten more than a few sips. And an impromptu meeting with Woolsey halfway through the morning, after a call from General O'Neill, was probably not a good thing. He figured he'd need the caffeine. He sat down in his regular place next to Teyla and had only taken a few sips when Woolsey walked in.

"Colonel, good, you're here. Thank you, Teyla, for notifying everyone for me."

Teyla dipped her head in acknowledgment.

Woolsey sat down, folded his hands on the table in front of him and took a deep breath. "I'm not even sure I know where to begin."

John knew it was bad news if Woolsey was left speechless. The man was never short on words, ever!

Woolsey inhaled and started again. "I spoke with General O'Neill this morning. It seems there've been a few problems on Earth lately."

"Goa'uld, Ori, or Replicator?" Sheppard asked.

"If only it were that simple, Colonel" Woolsey replied.

Sheppard started to get really nervous at Woolsey's comment. "They didn't find any more Wraith, did they?"

After the dart attack on Earth, a few rogue Wraith had landed on the planet. The military had been able to locate and dispatch them easy enough, but there was still that nagging fear that they hadn't gotten them all.

"No, no, nothing like that." Woolsey assured them.

Sheppard was getting a bit impatient with the man. "Okay, so…" he left the sentence dangling, hoping Woolsey would finish it.

"It seems our recent trip to Earth had quite a few unexpected consequences." Woolsey filled them in on the media circus that had been hassling the military and the tension among nations.

"The bottom line is that in order for the United States to avoid what could potentially be a war, the military and the IOA have decide to make public the Stargate Program."

Rodney's "What!" and Sheppard's "Are you kidding me?" rose above Jennifer's "Oh, no!" by a few decibels.

"Precisely!" agreed Woolsey.

"I don't get what the big deal is." Ronan shrugged. "Everyone in the Pegasus Galaxy knows about the Stargates."

"Every planet that _has_ a Stargate knows about them." McKay corrected. "_Has_ being the operative word. Earth has _one_ Stargate and billions of people from hundreds of different countries. The Stargate is under the control of the US Government. Not everyone will be okay with that."

"But you are from…Canada." Teyla confirmed. "Is that not a different country? And you are part of this expedition."

"Yeah, there's a lot of people here who don't have the same flag patch as Sheppard." Ronan pointed at the US flag on John's left shoulder.

"You are correct, Ronan." Woolsey replied. "And that is exactly what the IOA is hoping to emphasize when these people get here."

"These people being…" John said anxiously.

Woolsey sighed again. "Reporters."

"Crap!" John said and realized he'd said that word way too often today and it wasn't even lunchtime.

Woolsey continued, "The IOA has compiled a team of international correspondents who will be assigned to this task."

"Wait a minute," Sheppard interrupted. "I remember reading an SGC report about a news team that was allowed to view one of the X-303's and ended up hijacking it. That time didn't work out too well. What's to say this time will be any better?"

"You're absolutely right, Colonel Sheppard. But that group was led by a bunch of rogue NSA agents and even though background checks _were_ done, we had no say in whom the crew was. This time the IOA itself is choosing the reporters. They'll do their own camera work with small lightweight cameras provided by the US Government so there'll be no unexpected surprises."

John groaned and ran his hands through his already disheveled hair. "I don't think this is such a good idea."

"I have a tendency to agree with you, Colonel. However the IOA, along with the United Nations, yes they have been told, seem to feel this could be a truly unifying event for our planet."

At John's look of doubt, Woolsey went on. "They figure if the whole planet knows that we face an enemy much worse than anything on Earth, it might bring the people of all nations together. To find common ground so to speak. The IOA wants _us_ to show them how people from many countries have banded together here in Atlantis. They've already started the ground work by illustrating the many countries involved in the IOA itself."

John swallowed hard, knowing there was nothing he could do about this situation.

Woolsey looked around the room and asked if anyone had any questions. John pointed his finger in the air and said, "Yeah, when are they coming?"

"They're actually spending a week at the SGC first, "Woolsey supplied.

"Oh, I'll bet Landry's just thrilled with that." John quipped.

Woolsey just nodded and answered John's original question. "They'll be here within the month. General O'Neill will send me exact dates later."

"Um," John looked like he had another question.

"Yes, Colonel?"

"Can I put in for some time off, say, within the next month?"

Woolsey just laughed. "I'm afraid not, Colonel. General O'Neill has requested personally that your team be on hand to escort these reporters while they're here."

Sheppard began to sputter. "Oh, come on…that's not…you mean baby-sit."

"General O'Neill said to tell you it's a direct order." Woolsey informed him. "He thought you might have this reaction. But he said he needed someone he trusted to make sure the reporters only got the information they really needed."

"Yes, Sir," John responded tonelessly.

He'd do what they asked but he didn't have to like it. He took a sip of his coffee realizing he'd only had a few sips before Woolsey had come in. John put the cup back down. It was already cold.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

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John walked into the gym in preparation for sparring with Teyla. He had some time before they were scheduled to meet but he figured he'd check out the new recruits who were working with Lorne and a few of the seasoned soldiers.

He'd changed from his combat boots into his hiking sneakers and had removed the garrison shirt. He looked down and realized his T-shirt was untucked and his pants were filthy from digging in the dirt on the mainland, getting ready for some buildings they wanted to erect. He didn't especially care though. He wasn't wearing clean pants just to get thrown on the floor by Teyla.

Lorne spotted him and strolled over to the door to greet him. "How do they look, Colonel?"

John had only been watching for a few minutes but thought they showed promise. "Not bad. Anyone stand out? Good or bad?"

"Not yet. Want to test of few of them out? I heard about the news today, thought you might need to blow off some steam. I've got a few who could probably be taken down a peg."

"Yeah, maybe," John grinned. "See if you have any takers first. I want to see who thinks I'm a pushover."

"Boys and girls!" Lorne called out to the group. "We've got a special treat today. Colonel Sheppard stopped by to see how you were doing and I've convinced him to try a few of you out. So, who'd like a turn to impress your new CO?"

Mehra and Edison chuckled and proceeded to sit on the risers. A few of the new recruits mumbled to each other, wondering who would take on this challenge.

Lt. McCarthy eyed Sheppard and still had a hard time matching him up with the super hero he'd heard so much about, especially looking at him now in his baggy fatigues and sloppy, rumpled shirt. They were about the same height but McCarthy figured he had at least thirty pounds on the guy, not to mention he was easily ten years younger. Plus the guy was Air Force. There was no way Sheppard could take him, a trained Marine, down. McCarthy figured he could make it look good without even breaking a sweat. And he could still show his new CO that he had what it takes. He looked over at Joyal and saw the other man had the same idea.

"I'll give it a try." McCarthy volunteered and Sgt. Joyal also stepped forward.

Sheppard moved to the middle of the room and asked, "Who's first, or are you gonna tag team?"

McCarthy stepped forward and said, "I'll go first. Are you thinking hand to hand or stick fighting?"

John grinned, "How about a little of both."

He grabbed the stick that Lorne tossed to him and waited for McCarthy to grab one also. As soon as he did, John made his first move. McCarthy almost didn't block in time and felt the jolt run up his arms. _This guy hits harder than I thought. _But he was ready now and brought the stick up and around and was blocked by Sheppard. Sheppard didn't wait and attacked again with a series of blows that McCarthy managed to hold off, but just barely.

McCarthy figured he needed to go on the offensive. He brought the stick up and started hitting high and low without a pattern in mind, hoping to catch the Colonel off guard. Sheppard was amazing at blocking his thrusts and getting in a few of his own until McCarthy scored a hit to Sheppard's calf and he went down on one knee. McCarthy moved in for the kill but was surprised when Sheppard rolled on the ground and caught McCarthy's legs in between his and took him down as Sheppard kept rolling. Sheppard then continued rolling right to a standing position and knocked the stick out of McCarthy's hands.

The surprised Marine looked up, astonished that this older man had gotten the jump on him. He lunged for his stick and got a whack on his back from Sheppard as he tried to reach it. Sheppard kicked the stick out of the man's reach so McCarthy jumped to his feet and swung his fist in the direction of his CO. John just ducked, chuckled and threw his stick to the side. His fist then came up and landed on the side of McCarthy's face spinning him around. But McCarthy was getting more than a little upset that he was looking bad in front of everyone else, especially when it was against this skinny Air Force zoomie. He was a Marine, damn it! He came back up swinging and kicking, but Sheppard swerved and ducked and threw back his own punches and kicks. McCarthy managed to avoid or block many of them, but unfortunately not all. But it seemed as if he'd barely made a dent in Sheppard's reserve.

He staggered back from a fist into his midsection and landed near the stick he'd been using. He knew Sheppard didn't have one anymore but heck, this was war! He grabbed the stick and came up swinging and damn it if Sheppard hadn't anticipated that and moved back a few steps. Sheppard kept dodging the swinging weapon but at one point stumbled backwards and landed on the floor. McCarthy moved in with the stick raised high but Sheppard kicked his legs out from under him, did another roll and landed on McCarthy so that McCarthy was flat on his back and Sheppard was straddling the man holding the stick across his neck. McCarthy knew when he'd been beat. And the crowd did too because they started cheering even louder than they had been during the fight.

Sheppard climbed off the man and threw the stick aside. Lorne threw him a towel and he started mopping up the sweat that had formed on his face and neck. He was feeling the edges of the frustration begin to wear down but still could feel the anger at the thought of reporters coming to Atlantis, so he walked over to Joyal and taunted, "You still interested? I'm kind of tired now; you might actually have a chance." Then he snorted, "Maybe."

Sgt. Joyal looked a bit apprehensive, but muttered, "Uh, sure?"

He began to move toward Sheppard, but Teyla took that moment to walk into the room. Decked out in her traditional Athosian work out gear, she silenced the newcomers in the crowd instantly.

When she saw Lt. McCarthy sitting on the riser mopping blood from his nose and a few other cuts, she turned to John and scolded, "John, have you been beating up on the new Marines again? You know Jennifer has asked you not to do that until she has had a chance to input their medical records into the computer."

John looked sheepish, "Sorry, just been a bad day, you know. Needed to let off a little steam. McCarthy," John called to the bleeding man. "You might want to head to the infirmary and get some of those checked. Mehra, maybe you can show him where that is, make sure he doesn't get lost."

Mehra grinned and said "Sure thing, Colonel." and walked over to McCarthy.

Teyla looked at Joyal and said. "You may also be excused from enduring the Colonel's bad mood. I will take over from here." Teyla pulled her bantos rods from her bag and threw a few to John. They both started swinging them around, warming up, while the rest of the crowd started to clear the room.

Mehra walked with McCarthy and Joyal toward the door, chuckling as she did. "I warned you, didn't I?"

They stopped to watch as Sheppard and Teyla began their seemingly choreographed routine. A few others had stopped to watch as well. The sound of sticks clicked away as John and Teyla traded thrusts and blocks. A few of the men made comments about her outfit while others wanted to know when _they_ could train with her and suggestively asked what other skills she had.

Mehra just rolled her eyes. "You guys are disgusting. And Teyla's on Sheppard's _team_ so I'd keep any thoughts you have to yourself. I don't think he'd be as charitable as he was to McCarthy here, if he heard you talking about her that way. And if you think _Sheppard_ was tough, he usually gets a good ass-kicking by Teyla. And _she_ wouldn't like your comments, either." She watched through the doorway for a bit longer. "Although today he looks like he's holding his own."

"That woman, Teyla?" Joyal supplied. "She said the Colonel was taking out his bad mood on you, McCarthy."

McCarthy knew his first impression of the man had been completely wrong. And he wasn't sure if Mehra was kidding or not when she said Sheppard had been charitable with him today. He hoped he never had to find out.

"So there's your number one lesson for the day." Mehra smiled sweetly at the men standing near her. "Don't piss off the Colonel!"

.

.

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.

"So tell me more about these…reporters." Teyla requested. "What exactly do they do and why are they so feared amongst your people?"

"They dig around until they find some dirt." John answered as he sat on the couch in his quarters next to Teyla. "And then they tell everyone about it."

"And people do not wish to share this…_dirt_?" Teyla looked confused.

Rodney chuckled and threw a few more pieces of popcorn in his mouth. "What Colonel Eloquent here is trying to say is that reporters will sometimes find embarrassing information about people and make it public."

"So!" Ronon piped in from his chair across the room. "How many people can they tell?"

"On Earth, almost everyone." Rodney supplied.

Ronon bounced Torren on his knee and remembered, "Oh that's right, you have that TV box thing."

"And believe me, Chewie," John added. "Not everyone is happy to have their whole life flashed all over the screen or in the pages of the newspaper for everyone to dissect."

"How would you know?" McKay sniped.

"The bottom line is," John began, sounding annoyed, "that reporters take what they think is news and tell everyone else. I know the IOA wants us to play up all this international cooperation crap but if that's not the story they're looking for, it doesn't matter. The people on Earth are gonna be freaked out enough by the whole aliens from another planet thing, the message the IOA wants us to get across may not even be heard."

"Well, people with evolved minds will hear it." Rodney said. "It may not be a bad thing."

"How can you say that, McKay? You want reporters digging into every little thing you do?" John questioned.

"Well, some of the stuff I do is very important stuff, and maybe the world_ should _know about it." He said self-righteously.

"That's what this means to you?" John speculated. ""You're upset cause all your old geek buddies from home are publishing papers and getting accolades for ground breaking discoveries they're making. You're jealous because you're making discoveries beyond anything they could ever dream of and nobody knows about it. Did I pretty much hit the nail on the head, McKay?"

Rodney looked slightly uncomfortable but nodded and said, "Yeah, but why shouldn't I get credit for everything I've done, too. It's only fair I get my moment in the sun."

John nodded. "Tell you what, Rodney. When the reporters get here, they're all yours."

"Really?" Rodney asked hopefully.

"Sure!" John replied. "Unless I'm given a direct order from General O'Neill, I don't plan on telling them a thing."

Ronon chuckled and said, "This should be interesting."

"John," Teyla asked, to change the subject, "So what is this movie we are watching? I fear I missed some of the beginning."

"I don't know." John said. "McKay picked it out. It looks kind of weird." John got up and threw his empty beer can in the trash. Torren came running over to him carrying a book and saying, "Torwy?"

John scooped up the boy and plopped down on his bed. "Absolutely, Pal."

John got Torren comfortable in his lap and opened the book. The boy immediately started talking. "One upon a time, was a Papa Bear, an a Mama Bear an a Baby Bear…"

John laughed. He'd read T.J. this book so many times the kid knew it by heart. So now he never had to do much except throw in the deep Papa Bear voice every now and then.

He looked at the others watching the dopey movie Rodney had chosen. Ronon looked bored, Rodney looked enthralled and Teyla was asking Rodney questions trying to appear interested, but clearly not understanding the convoluted plot. He loved that about Teyla. She was always so polite and proper. Well, when she wasn't dealing with the Wraith that is or beating the crap out of him with her sticks. But even that was worth it to see her all hot and sweaty in her sparring outfit. _God, I did not just think that!_ John lambasted himself. _These are thoughts you should __**not**__ be having._

Torren took that moment to poke him in the chest and repeat, "Papa Bear!"

So John took the cue and in a deep voice said, "Who's been eating my porridge?"

Torren then yelled across the room, "Mama Bear!"

Teyla chuckled and called back in her sweet voice, "Who's been eating my Tuttle Root Soup?"

Torren cracked up like he always did when Teyla decided to _eat_ something different. He put his hands on his hips and insisted, "No, Mama, porwidge!"

He turned and slapped a hand on John's chest proclaiming, "Papa eat porwidge,"

He flapped a hand in her direction, "Mama eat porwidge and Baby eat porwidge!" He patted his own chest.

"Very well then," Teyla's voice rang with amusement. "I will eat porridge."

As Torren continued pointing out the pictures and retelling the story, John felt something like a vice wrap tightly around his heart. He truly wanted to be Papa Bear and sit around eating porridge with Mama and Baby. He put his lips down on Torren's head and glanced in Teyla's direction. She was looking at him with a very strange expression on her face. It looked almost sad.

_She must be thinking about Kanaan, wishing he were here instead. _

As if Ronon could read his mind, he turned to Teyla and asked, "Hey, where's Kanaan tonight? He didn't want to see this exciting movie?"

John tried to hide the snort that came out of his mouth. Firstly, because Ronon obviously _didn't_ think the movie was exciting and secondly, because Kanaan _never_ joined them when they hung out at night, no matter how often they asked him. He knew that sometimes Teyla felt torn between her friends and her… John stopped his thought process right there. He didn't like thinking about what Teyla and Kanaan were to each other. And he didn't _get _the guy either. Since they'd come back from Earth, the man had spent more time in the Athosian village than in the city with Teyla. If Teyla was _his,_ he'd make sure he was next to her every night when he went to sleep and woke every morning with her in his arms.

_Dangerous thoughts again, Sheppard. _He bent over Torren and growled, "Who's been siting in my chair?" at just the right spot. After Teyla had responded with her part, she turned to answer Ronon. John listened carefully thinking that Teyla talking about Kanaan was just what he needed to annihilate the wayward thoughts that had been popping into his head far too frequently lately.

"He and several others were travelling to Pangori. They have heard of a group of villagers there who also had adverse dealings with Michael. I believe Carson has helped them heal physically, but they were hoping to help them heal mentally as well."

"And Kanaan doesn't mind leaving you and Torren alone all this time?" Ronon asked gruffly.

"He knows," Teyla defended, "That we have good friends," her eyes moved around the room, "who will keep us company and assist us if we need it."

"Guy's a fool!" John muttered to himself and noticed that Ronon had a disgusted look on his face, too.

John rumbled his last "Who's been sleeping in my bed?" and let Torren finish the story. When the boy shut the book, John leaned over and whispered, "Speaking of bed, Pal, it's time you thought about getting there."

Torren looked up at him expectantly and said, "I seep here?"

John just grinned and answered, "Yeah, for now. You got jammies to put on?"

Torren rolled off the bed, loped over to the door and returned with a small black backpack. John made quick work of removing the boy's clothes and putting on his pajamas.

"Okay, teeth and potty next." The two of them disappeared into John's bathroom for a few minutes then returned with John instructing, "Kisses for everyone."

Torren galloped over to where the others were sitting. Ronon grabbed him first and wrestled him to the floor, planting a big, wet kiss on his cheek. The little boy laughed and Ronon pushed him in McKay's direction.

"Okay, um, good night," said Rodney and gave him a small peck on the cheek.

Teyla stood up and lifted her child in her arms and brought him over to where John was standing. "I should go back to my quarters." Teyla said with regret.

"No, you shouldn't." John disagreed. "You haven't finished watching the movie and you seemed so enthralled. I wouldn't want you to miss any. Besides, I already promised him he could sleep here for a little while."

She looked down at her son, whose big, brown eyes were pleading, "Mama, seep here?"

"Very well," Teyla conceded as she put her son on John's bed with a kiss to his head.

John smiled at her and promised, "I'll carry him back to his own bed later." He turned toward the child standing on his bed, held out his arms and whined, "I didn't get a kiss." Torren's eyes lit up as he jumped into John's arms.

Teyla watched as John wrestled Torren to the bed planting loud kisses all over the wriggling little body. "He will never settle down," Teyla mumbled, but within five minutes the boy's eyes were closed and he lay safely ensconced with his blanket and stuffed animal in the arms of the man lying next to him. Teyla shifted her body so she could see the screen and John's bed at the same time. John's eyes were open and he smiled lazily as he gently stroked Torren's back.

Teyla wasn't sure how he managed this. He could get the child all riled up and then settle him to sleep in such a short period of time. Teyla could get Torren to sleep, but it always took her much longer. And Kanaan had never had any success in that area. Teyla felt a twinge of guilt at the thoughts that betrayed her. Kanaan had made attempts but had never truly felt comfortable in the city. Teyla understood, she herself had been apprehensive when she first got here. But she had adapted fairly quickly. Kanaan had not. It had been almost two years since they had escaped from Michael and Kanaan spent increasingly more time in the village and less time with her and his son.

Now he was travelling to other worlds and seemed to have a new purpose in life. Teyla was glad he had found something he felt worthy to do. She understood that. Her job in Atlantis was very satisfying and she felt she was truly making a difference. But the bond between father and son, not a truly strong bond to begin with, was weakening. And her bond with Kanaan, which began with friendship and had momentarily grown to more, had begun to unravel quite some time ago. Jennifer was the only one she had confided in, regarding this matter. Looking at Ronon's face after she told him about Kanaan, she thought he might have some idea as well.

Teyla glanced again at her sleeping son and the man who lay with him. John's eyes were closed but she could still see his fingers moving rhythmically on Torren's back_. John has no clue_, Teyla thought, thinking of her situation with Kanaan. She wondered if she should tell him, if it would make a difference to him. Teyla had a strong suspicion that John harbored deep feelings for her. She knew he was such an honorable man he would never act on them if Kanaan were still in the picture, no matter how slightly. And Teyla would never dream of asking him to betray those values. She had noticed John's face earlier when Torren had called him Papa Bear. She could see the longing he had for Torren to be family. She wondered if that same longing included her.

For now she was content, if only mildly, with the friendship she and John shared. He was a great role model for her son and gave him as much love and guidance as any father. This was good, especially since Torren's own father could not be bothered at times.

Her thoughts had distracted her and she hadn't noticed John get up from his bed until he lowered himself onto the couch next to her.

"Riveting, huh?" John asked facetiously then directed his voice to McKay, "How much longer we got on this, Rodney?"

Rodney broke his trance long enough to look at his watch. 'There's only an hour left so shhh!"

John's head sagged against the back of the couch as he let out a small whimper. Teyla chuckled and touched her head to John's shoulder in commiseration. She left it there for a few moments and was about to remove it when she noticed the twinkle in Ronon's eyes. He lifted his chin and gave her a quick nod. She felt emboldened by his approval and relaxed further into John's shoulder. Teyla thought John hadn't noticed, but a few minutes later his head lifted off the back of the couch and settled itself on top of hers. She looked at Ronon again who was fairly beaming with mischief. Ronon stretched his arms up, put them behind his head and closed his eyes, the smirk still visible. Teyla smiled, closed her eyes also and allowed herself the comfort of the warm body next to her.

_._

_._

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.

"Amazing, right?" Rodney blinked as the film ended. "Did you predict that little twist at the end? I bet not."

Rodney looked around waiting for the astounded responses of his friends. All he got was a quiet snore from Ronon's direction. He looked down to the end of the couch and realized Teyla was asleep on Sheppard's shoulder and John's head rested on Teyla's. Rhythmic breathing came out of both of them.

"I don't believe this! This is a great movie!" Rodney got up to remove the dvd and tripped over Ronon's long legs in the process.

Ronon gave another loud snore and then sputtered awake with a "What!"

He looked around and realized the movie was over and Rodney was packing up to leave.

"Oh, finally!" he exclaimed when he saw the blank screen.

"Make fun all you want," said Rodney, "but that movie will go down in history. I can't believe you guys actually fell asleep during it."

Ronon looked over at Sheppard and Teyla who hadn't even stirred during Rodney's little speech.

"Well, I'm leaving," Rodney announced. "I think Jennifer should be off duty by now. I'll leave you to wake up Sleeping Beauty," he indicated Teyla, "and… whatever the heck that is." he glanced at Sheppard.

"Yeah," Ronon grunted and started picking up the empty popcorn bowl and the few beer cans that were on the floor. "See you McKay."

Rodney just threw him another look of disgust and disappeared out the door.

When Ronon wan done cleaning up, he took another glance at Teyla and Sheppard. They looked peaceful and pretty good together. He was fairly sure Sheppard had it bad for Teyla, no matter how much he denied it. But he knew his friend was too good and virtuous to ever make a move on a woman who belonged to another man. But lately, Ronon wasn't sure that was the case with Teyla.

He remembered back when Teyla had been smitten with the interest that Kanaan had shown her, mostly because Sheppard didn't have a clue that he should do it himself. And Kanaan's interest had led to the arrival of Torren. Things had been a bit strained between the two friends at the beginning of Teyla's pregnancy. Ronon guessed that Sheppard was jealous and was kicking himself for losing the opportunity. But Ronon also knew Sheppard was the last person to ever admit to feelings of any kind. Ronon understood the whole 'show no fear' mentality, but that mostly applied to your enemy. With friends, it shouldn't be the case. John had slowly gotten over his problems with Teyla and when Michael had taken her, no one worked harder than Sheppard to find her and bring her back.

What really surprised Ronon though, was the bond that Sheppard had created with Torren. The kid wasn't even his, but Sheppard treated him almost like he was. Oh, he never got in the way or interfered if Kanaan was around, but on the occasion that Kanaan was absent, too many occasions in Ronon's mind, Sheppard stepped right in.

As time passed, Kanaan spent less time with what should have been his family and more time in the Athosian village. Ronon could see the strain it put on Teyla. She wanted things to work out with Kanaan for the sake of her son, but Ronon figured she was also questioning how deep the bond was between them. He could see that Teyla was conflicted by her respect for Kanaan as Torren's father and the deep emotions she'd always had for Sheppard. Especially as John had become so important in her son's life.

Ronon looked again at his two closest friends resting against each other in peaceful slumber. A mischievous part of him considered moving them into what could be considered a compromising position, but he decided against it. These two were his best friends, had helped him escape a life of running and loneliness. And they had accepted him as one of them. He owed them everything. He hoped in time things would work out for the best. He took one last look around to make sure the place was as tidy as Sheppard always kept it, them quietly let himself out.

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.

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The crick in John's neck, from the somewhat awkward angle of his head, penetrated his consciousness. He woke quickly saying, "Yeah, great movie, Rodney!" before seeing that he was alone in the room with just Teyla resting against his shoulder. He looked at his watch and realized that Rodney and Ronon couldn't have been gone for more than ten or fifteen minutes. His gaze shifted down to Teyla and realized how relaxed she looked where she was. He thought of letting her stay there for a while longer but knew she'd rest more comfortably in her own bed. However, he knew that the memory of her soft body leaning into his would have the opposite effect on him.

So he lifted his shoulder slightly while he touched her arm. Her eyelids slowly fluttered open and her lips formed a dreamy smile upon seeing his face. John's heart skipped a beat thinking that smile could possibly be for him. _Inappropriate thoughts again, John, change tactics._ "Guess you liked the movie as much as I did, huh?"

Teyla's eyes showed more awareness and she sat up straight. "Where…?"

"We've been deserted. Although it couldn't have been for more than a few minutes." John assured her. He stood up, stretched the kinks out and walked toward his bed to check on Torren. Teyla came to stand beside him and they spent a few minutes watching the child sleep, both keenly aware of the presence of the other. John broke the spell with, "Why don't you grab his bag and I'll try and move him without waking him."

"I will do it, John," Teyla objected. "You should get some sleep yourself."

"First," John said, "I promised I'd carry him back. Second, I still need to check in with the control room and make my rounds of the city. You know I can't sleep until I've made sure everything is fine."

Teyla nodded and picked up the bag while John bundled a sleeping boy into his arms. As he held Torren close to his chest, he inhaled the unique scent of him. John felt the familiar warmth and emotion spread through his body. "God, I love holding him." John whispered, then looked apprehensive when he realized he'd said the words aloud.

"It is a lovely feeling," Teyla agreed as she waved her hand to open John's door.

As they walked down the hall, Teyla tilted her head and casually commented, "Your skateboard was not near your bed where it usually is."

John's steps faltered for only the briefest of seconds as he remembered he'd never collected it from where he'd left it this morning. "Yeah, I uh… just moved it," John stammered.

"To the childcare room perhaps?" Teyla queried.

John stopped as they approached Teyla's door, his shoulders sagging slightly. "You saw it, huh?"

"It is quite difficult to miss," Teyla assured him.

They entered Teyla's quarters and John moved right over to Torren's bed. He lowered the boy gently onto it and pulled the covers up to his chin. Before he straightened back up, he let his lips rest on the child's forehead for a few seconds.

John turned quickly toward Teyla and said, "You know, we need to get you bigger quarters. This is a bit small for the three of you."

"Yes, it has become quite snug," Teyla agreed. "Even with Kanaan gone much of the time. But you have changed the subject. We were speaking of your skateboard. The one Torren insisted on playing with when I picked him up from Aleeah this afternoon."

John hung his head and closed his eyes for a moment. When he looked up his eyes were sincere. "I'm really sorry, Teyla. I know I promised you I'd wait until he was older to take him on it again. But technically, he is a month older. And," John continued as he saw Teyla about to interrupt, "you know I have a hard time denying that kid anything. All he has to do is ask _please_ and I'm mush."

"Perhaps I should tell all your troops that is all it takes to convince the Colonel to do something."

"Nah," John denied. "None of them are as cute as T.J. and they sure don't give hugs like he does."

John raised one eyebrow and tried his most charming smile. Teyla sighed heavily because she knew she could never remain upset with this man. Especially when he showed her son such love and tenderness. And for John Sheppard these emotions were not freely given.

"You are forgiven. This time." Teyla let him off the hook. "Just please be cautious."

John grinned for a second then got serious as he put his hands on Teyla's arms. "You know I would never intentionally put T.J. in harm's way. I'd do anything for that kid."

"I know you would, John," Teyla said looking into John's serious eyes. "As you would for many others."

"Like his mother." John knew he was on dangerous ground as he continued to gaze into Teyla's eyes. He knew he should look away, but he couldn't. There was something in Teyla's glance that dared him to continue looking. The tension was building inside of him and he finally found the strength to look away. He had to, before he did something he'd regret. Only this time there would be no bug retrovirus to blame his behavior on.

John dropped his hands from Teyla's arms and thought he saw disappointment flash across her face. He was probably mistaken. He gave her a crooked smile, turned to touch Torren's head one last time and said, "Good night, Teyla."

She acknowledged him with a nod and managed a "Good night, John." by the time he walked out the door.

John stood for almost a minute outside her quarters before he headed in the direction of the gate room to do his nightly check.

.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

John walked into the conference room and made a beeline for the coffee machine. He knew he'd need the caffeine for what lay ahead today. He took a few sips before he headed over to sit next to Teyla. Rodney and Jennifer came in together and sat next to where Ronon sat slouched in his usual position on the opposite side of the table.

John looked at his coffee and thought he should probably add something a bit stronger. Rodney had different feelings however.

"Well", he said as he rubbed his hands together. "It's an exciting day, isn't it?"

"You and I have very different ideas of what's exciting, McKay." John scoffed. "I'll take a Wraith attack over reporters any day."

"Come now, Colonel," Woolsey said as he walked into the room. "Let's show a little optimism, shall we?"

"O'Neill said I had to show them _around_." Sheppard reminded him. "He never said anything about optimism."

Woolsey sighed, sat down and began the meeting. "Our guests will be arriving at twelve o'clock noon. I'm not sure what they'll want to do first since they've just spent twelve hours on the Midway Station."

"I can not believe they managed to rebuild it so fast." commented Teyla.

"It _has_ been two years since it blew up." Rodney reminded them. "Although the extra security they added took a little bit longer. Not to mention setting up that bio-scanner that cuts the wait time from twenty-four to twelve hours."

"Yeah and now that we've got an iris on both gates hopefully we won't have a mess like we did before," Sheppard said.

"Yes, and the other added security features should also make us feel safer. Now Colonel, are you all ready for the arrival of the news crew?" Woolsey asked.

John sighed and said, "Ready as I'll ever be. My team will be escorting them during the day and I've assigned several groups of Marines to keep any eye on them at night. Lorne's arranged for their quarters while they're here and even left some nice little Pegasus Galaxy gift baskets in their rooms."

"Good, good," Woolsey commended. "Now I believe they'll want to go offworld and visit a few of the planets in this galaxy. Have you thought about where you'll take them?"

John replied, "I thought I'd let Teyla make those decisions. She knows who'd be okay with that kind of intrusion and who'd freak out."

Woolsey looked toward Teyla. "I have spoken with the people of my village and they would be more than happy to welcome your people and teach them of the Athosian culture. I have also chosen for them to visit the marketplace on Galinor. People from many worlds go there to trade their wares. And the variety of foods available is quite extensive."

"Excellent, Teyla!" Woolsey complimented. "Those sound like wonderful choices. Colonel, you got my memo saying they also wanted to go on a Recon mission with your team?"

"That's just a really bad idea," John stated. "I was hoping you were kidding."

"I'm afraid not, Colonel," Woolsey told him. "But that doesn't mean you can't go someplace safe that we've already explored. We just don't have to tell them we've already explored it."

"I get it," John said, looking thoughtful for a moment. "Then how about P2X458? A team checked it out a few months back. Not much there, typical fields and trees and stuff. The team didn't stay too long because Dr. Jeffries tripped on a root and broke his ankle. But Captain Lloyd said it looked pretty harmless. It might be worth rechecking for an Alpha site.

"Sounds perfect." Woolsey said. "You can bring them there right before they leave at the end of the week."

"Great!" John muttered facetiously.

"Now Dr. McKay," Woolsey looked in Rodney's direction. "You are aware of what you can and can't show them regarding the Ancient Technology and your own research?"

"Yes, yes," Rodney seemed slightly annoyed. "I got the list from the SGC. Show them the useful, dazzling stuff but nothing that could be used to obliterate your enemy. I thought the whole point of having the news crew come was to unite the world against a common enemy. Wouldn't they want to know about weapons that could potentially destroy said enemies?"

"Yes, that is the ultimate goal, Dr. McKay," Woolsey agreed. "But the IOA feels it could be a while before all the governments in the world truly believe unity is the solution. And they don't want people trying to get spies into Atlantis to steal technology that could be used against other humans on Earth."

Woolsey then directed his attention to Jennifer. "Dr. Keller, they will report to you when they first get here. They'll get the usual check up, but I also want you to be extra diligent and make sure they aren't hiding anything we need to know about."

"Full body scans plus blood work should do it." Jennifer informed him.

"Good, good. Now if there aren't any more questions, I'll leave you to have a few minutes to yourself before they arrive." The room remained silent so Mr. Woolsey closed his notebook, nodded to the group and left the room.

"You okay, Sheppard?" Ronon asked, noticing how tightly clenched his friend's jaw was.

John leaned forward, rubbed his face with his hands and then ran them through his hair. Teyla tried to still the chuckle that came out of her mouth when she saw even more of John's hair sticking up than usual. Her fingers itched with the desire to smooth at least part of John's hair back down, but in his present mood, it was probably not a good idea.

"No," John answered Ronon's question. "I just have a really bad feeling about this whole thing. I don't know why, but I just feel like we're gonna regret this in the end."

"Come on, Sheppard," Rodney whined. "Stop being so negative! That's usually my job."

Teyla rested her hand on John's arm and promised, "I will use my sticks to protect you from any harm these…reporters attempt to inflict upon you."

John looked at the mischievous twinkle in her eyes and broke out in a grin himself. He patted Teyla's hand and said, "Thanks!"

He pushed his chair back from the table preparing to leave the room. He wished the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach would go away. Maybe they were all right, and he was simply over reacting to the situation. He hoped so.

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Major Lorne got the last item approved on his clipboard by his CO. Sheppard seemed unusually agitated today and Lorne knew it was due to the news crew that was due any minute.

"Are you all right, Sir?" He asked.

"Yeah," Sheppard shrugged. "Now remember, Major, any problems, no matter how small, let me know. We've gotta make sure things run smoothly while these people are here."

Lorne chuckled. "That's funny, Sir, because Mr. Woolsey told me the exact opposite. He said try and handle as much as I could myself so I don't have to take you away from your objective this week."

Sheppard made a disgusted face and said, "Okay, so maybe we need to go to plan B."

"What's that, Sir?" Lorne asked curiously.

"I shoot myself in the foot," Sheppard replied dryly.

Lorne just smiled. "I don't think that's going to fly, Sir, not in this instance anyway."

"Probably not," Sheppard agreed. He looked at his watch and grumbled, "See ya."

Lorne chuckled again as he watched the Colonel walk off as if he were heading to the gallows.

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	2. Chapter 2

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Woolsey joined Sheppard and his team in front of the Stargate as the event horizon rippled and figures started emerging. Men and women of obviously different ethnicities moved forward, their eyes bulging as they took in the city that was Atlantis. John had to admit it _was_ a rather breathtaking sight. He'd thought so when he first stepped through and at that time it had been dark and they had been under water.

Woolsey stepped forward in greeting. "Welcome to Atlantis. I'm Richard Woolsey, the leader of this expedition. I hope we can make your stay here an enjoyable one."

A tall, blond woman stepped forward and introduced herself. "I'm Julia Donovan from Inside Access. Mr. Woolsey, thank you for having us here."

"Like we had any choice," Sheppard muttered under his breath.

Woolsey gave him a stern look and began introductions. "This is Colonel Sheppard, he's the Military Commander of this base and my Second-In-Command. He and his team will be escorting you during your stay here."

The woman stepped toward John and extended her hand. John grasped it firmly and replied, "Ms. Donovan. This isn't a big surprise for you though, is it? If I recall you were on board the Prometheus when it was hijacked a few years back. Bet it's been tough sitting on all this information for so long."

"Colonel Sheppard," she greeted. "It's nice finally meeting you. I've heard a great deal about you from some of the personnel at Stargate Command. And I've done a little research of my own," she said in a way that made John decidedly nervous. "But you've done some research as well it seems. Yes, I was on the Prometheus several years ago. It's a shame it was destroyed."

"No research, Ms. Donovan. I'm the Military Commander here. Reading Mission Reports is part of my job. Seeing the mistakes that others have made helps me _not_ to make the same ones."

"Understood, Colonel," She said then turned to the others behind her. "Let me introduce my traveling companions." She motioned for the people behind her to step forward.

A dapper gentleman in his fifties extended a hand to Woolsey and then John as he introduced himself. "Nigel Vincent from the European Press. This is an amazing accomplishment, I must say. I have so many questions, I don't even know where to begin."

"You can begin after I introduce everyone," Donovan reminded him. Next came a petite woman with toffee colored skin and dark hair slicked back into a tight bun.

"Navi Parwana of India." she stated.

"I am Vladimir Plekanov, Russia." said a booming voice coming from a large strapping man with dark hair and a long mustache.

Before he could say anything else, a dark-skinned man of medium height and build came forward to say, "Latif Suhuba. My names means 'gentle friend' in my language and I represent the region of Kenya and Tanzania. It is a pleasure to meet you all."

He stood aside politely to indicate the stunning young woman who moved up behind him.

"I am Akira Hanako from Japan." She bowed her head daintily. Woolsey immediately came forward and offered an awkward bow himself.

McKay cleared his throat, shaking Woolsey out of his trance. "Oh, yes, the rest of Colonel Sheppard's team. This is Dr. Rodney McKay of Canada. He's the Head of Science and Research here on Atlantis."

"Any questions you have about technology, I'm your man." Rodney said equally enthralled with the Asian beauty.

"Stop drooling, Rodney," Sheppard whispered from behind McKay.

"Huh, what…? I'm not…Oh, very funny!"

Sheppard stepped forward and addressed _all_ the news crew. "This is the rest of my team. Ronon Dex from Sateda and Teyla Emmagen of Athos."

Ronon just nodded but Teyla took a step forward. "I have made arrangements for you to visit my people. They are looking forward to meeting you and teaching you many of our Athosian customs."

Suhuba took Teyla's hand and said, "Thank you for arranging this. I am quite looking forward to meeting your people." He looked like he was about to ask another question when Woolsey interrupted.

"There will be plenty of time for questions all week, but protocol states all off-world travel must be followed up with a medical evaluation. I'm sure you understand."

They all nodded but Ms. Parwana looked at her luggage, so Sheppard informed them, "We'll take your luggage to your quarters. When you finish up with Dr. Keller, I'll have a Marine bring you back there to unpack and freshen up. Just so there's no misunderstanding, any non-personnel are required to have an escort while in the city. It's nothing personal, it's just standard procedure."

"Yeah, I had a Marine following me around for about a month when I first got here." Ronon supplied.

Woolsey indicated that the group should follow him. Sheppard motioned for a few airmen and instructed them to put the luggage and video equipment in the guest quarters. Then he gave a huge sigh and figured it was going to be a long week.

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The rest of the first day passed uneventfully. After an extensive tour of the city, where the video cameras were kept busy, the news crew had a light dinner and retired for the night, Marines stationed at the doors. They had been worn out from the travel and time change and needed to adjust and get a good night's sleep before they started out with full steam in the morning.

The next morning Sheppard and his team met them at their doors and escorted them to the mess hall for breakfast. A long table overlooking the ocean had been set up and the reporters were seated there. John and his team chose to sit a few tables over, close enough to keep watch over them but far enough away so their conversation was somewhat private.

"So Sheppard," started Ronon, once they were seated with trays of food in front of them. "What's the plan for today?"

"To try and waste as much time with them as possible without them actually learning anything useful," John said. "How does that sound?"

"Well, Akira said she wanted to see my lab and what I was currently working on," informed McKay.

"Fine," agreed John. "Why don't you take the geeks and I'll take the rest on a tour around the city and mainland in a Puddlejumper."

"What makes you think they won't all be interested in what I'm working on?" Rodney sulked.

"If they are, then we'll still split them up and then switch after lunch. There's only so much room in a Jumper and you can't see too much from the back."

Rodney nodded in agreement.

"What would you like Ronon and I to do during this time, John?" Teyla asked.

"Why don't you stay with Rodney," John winced as he looked at Teyla in apology. "Make sure no one charms any top secret info out of him."

Teyla nodded her head in acknowledgment, but Rodney sputtered, "I…I know what I _can_ and can't divulge, Sheppard, thank you very much. I don't need Mother here looking over my shoulder."

"Stay with him anyway, Teyla," John suggested. "Ronon can come with me. McKay, you might want to introduce them to Zalenka and Miko at some point. That whole International House of Pancakes thing the IOA wants us to sell."

Rodney looked confused. "International House of …what?" then light dawned and he said, "Oh, right, united front, common ground, yadda yadda. Gotcha." But he seemed disappointed that he would have to share the limelight at some point, especially with Zalenka.

"Then we get to hand them over to Lorne at 16:30 hours and we're off duty for the night. Well, at least babysitting duty anyway," John added.

"John? We are still on for sparring at that time?" Teyla confirmed.

"Yeah, I think I'm gonna need to let off a little steam by then." John said. "Do you want me to get T.J. after that so you can grab a quick shower?"

"Do you mind?" asked Teyla and at John's nod, finished, "Thank you, John, that would be wonderful."

"So what's Lorne gonna do with them tonight?" Ronon wondered.

"After they have dinner, they're having a group interview with Woolsey. I figure that should take most of the night. Hopefully they'll all be so tired they'll go straight to their quarters and sleep. But I'm setting up extra security details for the next week just to make sure none of them decide to go wandering off in the middle of the night."

"Excellent idea, John." Teyla said and Ronon also grunted his agreement.

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"You all right, Teyla?" John reached down to give her a hand up from where she had fallen on the gym floor.

"I am fine, John," Teyla reassured him. "But you did not speak in jest when you said you would need to …let off a little steam. I find your sparring quite improves when you are irritated at something … or someone."

"Someone**s**," John stressed the plural. "Those damn reporters. I tried everything I could to get out of answering their questions, but they're relentless. That Donovan woman spent more time trying to pry information about my relationship with my Dad than she did on any questions about Atlantis."

"I am sorry, John," Teyla sympathized. " I know that is a private matter you do not wish to speak of."

John just nodded at Teyla's quiet perception and acceptance of who he was.

Teyla grabbed her sticks from the floor and spun them around a few times as she faced John again. He noticed her face tighten and her left stick move slower when she did this.

"Are you all right?" he asked again with concern, pointing to her wrist. "You look like you're favoring it."

"It will be fine, John. There is no need to worry," Teyla reiterated. "I just landed on it a bit hard that last time."

John put his sticks on the floor and moved toward Teyla to gently take her wrist in his hands. He moved it in several directions and when Teyla winced, he immediately said, "God, Teyla, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"John," Teyla said removing her hand from John's. "Injuries are part of sparring, are they not?"

"Yeah," John agreed. "But it's usually me being the injured one."

"Then I guess you are improving," Teyla said brightly.

John just grinned and suggested, "Why don't we call it a night. You might want to have Keller check that out," indicating her wrist. "I'll get T.J. and keep him with me. We'll meet you in the mess hall in about an hour."

Teyla nodded and reached for her bag, storing her bantos rods snugly inside. As they stepped inside the transporter, John pressed the display in the area closest to the central tower.

"John, where are you going?" Teyla asked surprised.

"Well, _you're_ going to the infirmary." He picked up her bag as they stepped out of the transporter and he nodded in one direction.

"John, there is no need to escort me all the way."

"You'd do it for me, right?" John confirmed.

Teyla rolled her eyes but headed in the direction John indicated. They walked in to see Jennifer sitting at one of the computers.

She looked up as they approached and questioned, "What did you do to him this time, Teyla?"

"Sorry, Doc," John corrected. "It was me taking out my frustrations today. She banged up her wrist."

"Oh!" Jennifer responded a bit surprised. "Okay, well let's take a look, shall we?"

"I'll go get T.J. and meet you in the mess in an hour," John said then added with a twinkle in his eyes, "Unless the Doc here decides to keep you overnight."

"I do not think that will be necessary," Teyla said.

"Probably not," Jennifer admitted with a grin.

John nodded and left to collect Torren.

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"Hey Pal, you ready to go?" John asked as he stepped into the child care room and spotted Torren already galloping in his direction. He dropped his and Teyla's sparring bags just in time to catch the child as he launched himself at John. He gave the boy a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek that soon turned into a loud raspberry. Torren giggled and started wiggling in his arms. John put him down saying, "Okay, go get your bag and let's go." Torren promptly obeyed and held his bag up for John to take.

"You know what Buddy, I think you're old enough to carry that yourself," John said and then indicated the two bags he already had. "See, I've got Mommy's bag and my bag, so I think _you_ should carry _your_ bag."

John bent down to assist the child in putting both straps over his shoulders. Torren's eyes lit up as he realized the big responsibility he was being trusted with.

"Otay," he responded proudly.

John picked up the other two bags and waved. "Thanks Aleeah, we'll see you in the morning."

The young woman looked away from the four-year-old girl she was playing with and responded, "Good night, Colonel Sheppard, good night, Torren. It is always a pleasure to watch him."

It only took a few minutes for the transporter to get them near John's quarters. Once inside, John dropped the bags and helped Torren off with his too.

"Wow!" he praised the young child. "Great job carrying that bag. You're really strong huh?

Torren mimicked John holding up his arms in a muscle pose. John laughed then said, "Okay Pal, Uncle John's gotta take a shower so…"

John looked around the room for a second. "I've got it!" John snapped his fingers and grabbed a plastic plate from near the small fridge. He picked up Torren and deposited him on the bathroom floor. He handed the child the plate and put a few squirts of shaving cream on it. He showed Torren how to smooth the cream around the plate and then how to use the tip of his finger to draw pictures in it.

Torren looked thrilled that he got to 'play' in this cool stuff. John jumped in the shower and made quick work of cleaning up. When he got out, Torren was still sitting in the same spot on the bathroom floor, but most of the shaving cream was now located on his hands, clothes and even his face. John walked out into the room and quickly dressed in clean BDU pants and a black T-shirt. He then wet a towel and started to clean up the child. When he realized shaving cream didn't wipe cleanly off of clothes, he grabbed Torren's bag and changed him into a fresh outfit, too.

He looked at the boy and said, "Well, we still have a half hour until we need to meet your Mom, so…how about we go to the Control Room, okay?"

The child placed his hand in John's and smiled trustingly up at him. John felt that familiar pain squeeze his heart whenever this child gave him love so freely. He hoped he could always be there to give it back.

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John walked into the Control Room with Torren dogging his steps. "Banks, everything quiet?"

Amelia nodded and tilted her chin to look around her CO. "Quiet for now, Colonel, but I have to warn you, there's a bit of a shadow following _you_ around."

"Really?" John questioned teasingly. He moved around a few consoles then stopped. He looked conspiratorially at Amelia and whispered, "Is it still following me?"

Banks grinned and said, "I'm afraid so, Sir."

He moved to another console and said, "What about now?"

Amelia's "Still there, Sir." was punctuated by tiny giggles.

John whispered again, "What do you think I should do, Banks?"

Amelia's voice was serious though her eyes were not. "I'm not sure, Sir. The shadow seems to be sticking pretty close."

The giggles increased as John scratched his head for a second. "How about if I move _really_ fast?"

Amelia shrugged and said, "Maybe."

John started moving really slow. The little voice behind him whispered, "Dat's slow!" and John realized T.J. was directing his words towards Amelia.

This was confirmed when she said, "Um, Sir, _that's slow_."

"Oh, um, right. I said fast, didn't I?"

At Amelia's nod, John raced around the console, nearly tipping Chuck over in his chair. But he managed to come up near Torren and scoop him up from behind. The boy let out a huge squeal as John collapsed to sit on the upper landing. John threw a "Sorry, Chuck" at the technician as he folded Torren up and rubbed his face against the child's belly. Another peel of childish laughter rang across the room.

"Amelia, is everything okay in here?" Richard Woolsey skittered into the Control Room. "I thought I heard something like a scream."

Both Chuck and Amelia looked point blank at Sheppard but didn't say anything.

"Oh, I should have known," stated Woolsey when he saw John with the young child. "Colonel, how were our visitors today?"

John stood up and tucked Torren under his arm like a football, eliciting another round of giggles. Woolsey gave them a patient smile. "They were nothing but a royal pain in the ass, Sir, truthfully." John supplied.

"I know you don't want them here, Colonel, but we have to make the best of it." Woolsey suggested, "Be patient with them, okay."

John gave a grudging smile and said, "Sure, no problem. Good luck with your interview, by the way, especially when they start asking about your failed marriage or why you never had kids."

"Colonel, they're not…" Woolsey started then stopped. "Wait, they asked you those kinds of questions? They're supposed to be focused on Atlantis."

"Oh, they'll ask you plenty of questions about that, too," John informed him.

"Oh, I guess I should go and prepare a few more things for this interview then." He looked at his watch. "I only have a little more than an hour." He bustled over to his office leaving the occupants of the Control Room snickering.

"Is he really nervous?" John asked as he transferred a dangling Torren to his other arm.

Amelia nodded. "He's been like that all day."

"He's hardly been out of his office," Chuck added. "Which isn't always a bad thing."

"Well," John said. "He's not bad for a pain in the ass." and Torren blurted out "Pain a ass!"

John groaned as the two gate techs chuckled. His eyes flew up to them as he put T.J. on the floor. He pointed at them and ordered, "You did _not_ just hear that, understood?"

"Yes, Sir!" they chimed in unison, but their eyes held laughter.

"All right, time to meet Mommy and get something to eat. Banks?" John said as he looked at his watch. "You're off now, right? Come join us if you want, Ronon'll be there."

"Thank you, Sir. Maybe I will." Amelia answered.

John hoisted Torren into his arms and began to move away. Torren clapped his hands and yelled again, "Pain a ass!"

"No, no, no!" John moaned. "You can't be saying that when we're going to meet your Mom. How about we sing a song, okay?"

As he started down the steps into the gateroom, Amelia and Chuck could hear "Old MacDonald had a farm, E I E I O," and by the time his voice was starting to fade down the hallway, they were oink oinking here, there and everywhere.

Amelia spent a few minutes updating her replacement on important matters before she left the room. Chuck had done the same and called, "Wait up! You going to the mess hall?" At her nod he said, "I'll walk with you." No other words were needed. Sheppard, Torren and the rest of that team were always good entertainment for the staff. Why should tonight be any different?

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"Where's Sheppard and Teyla?" Rodney complained as he scooped a forkful of potatoes into his mouth. "They're usually here by now."

"I don't know." Ronon shrugged sitting on the opposite side of the table from McKay with his own tray of food. "Maybe they got sidetracked by some of those reporters."

"Why would the reporters want to ask them more questions? They were with them all day and will be with them the rest of the week." Rodney worried that he wouldn't get his share of the notoriety.

Ronon tilted his head and said, "Sheppard's the Military CO and Teyla's from a different galaxy. Yeah, you're right. No reason."

"Ha ha!" Rodney snipped. "Besides, the reporters are all sitting right over there." He pointed to a table across the room. "Oh, there's Sheppard. It's about time."

"What are you griping about McKay?" Ronon grunted. "It's not like you waited until he showed up to eat."

They both watched as John walked in with Torren on his back, the boy's arms clinging around John's neck. They walked over to the serving line to get some food.

"Why is Sheppard always taking care of that kid?" Rodney asked in between mouthfuls.

"He's just helping out a teammate," Ronon supplied.

"Well, I'm a teammate and you don't see the kid attached to my hip."

Ronon just snorted at that comment. "Sheppard enjoys spending time with Torren, so it's no big deal.

Rodney just shook his head. "I still don't get what the attraction is. Especially since the kid's not even his."

Ronon looked at McKay still shoveling food into his mouth. The man was supposed to be a genius, but there were times that he truly wondered. McKay really had no clue how deep Sheppard's feelings ran for the boy. Or for the boy's mother for that matter.

John approached the table balancing two trays while Torren ambled along behind him. As John put the trays down, Ronon grabbed the booster seat they'd had specially made for Torren and put it on top of the end chair.

"Right up here, pal," Ronon instructed and swung Torren up into the seat. John sat to the chair's left and started breaking apart his meatloaf into bite sized pieces.

"You know he's never going to eat all that," Rodney whined, looking at the amount of food on Torren's tray.

"It's half the amount you have, McKay," John pointed out. "And you can have whatever he doesn't finish. I promise."

"Yeah, like I'll actually eat it after he slobbers all over it," Rodney criticized. "By the way, have you seen Jennifer? She should have been here by now."

"Oh, sorry!" John apologized. "That's my fault. I gave her a new patient a little while ago."

At Ronon and McKay's questioning looks, he explained. "Teyla fell a bit hard on her wrist while we were sparring. I thought the doc should look at it."

"Which means," Ronon chuckled, "that you got the drop on her. Nice going!"

"Yeah, way to beat up women, Sheppard!" McKay snorted.

John glared at Rodney and said, "Thanks for making me feel even _more_ guilty."

McKay chirped back cheerfully, "You're welcome." and dug back into his pile of food.

Just then Jennifer walked through the door of the mess hall. John was about to get up to ask about Teyla when he saw that Teyla was right behind the doctor. She was freshly showered, her hair still slightly damp and her left wrist was wrapped in an Ace bandage. Guilt flooded John again. _It's a good thing she's usually invincible_, he thought.

Teyla and Jennifer made their way over to the table with Amelia right behind them. After greetings were exchanged and room made for all, John addressed Jennifer.

"What's the prognosis, Doc? Is she gonna live?"

Teyla just rolled her eyes but Jennifer smirked. "Probably, but I think she'll need some definite pampering. And NO sparring for at least a week!"

"No sparring. Lots of pampering. Gotcha!" John confirmed.

"Jennifer!" Teyla warned but John interrupted. "How about we start with a night all to yourself." He looked at Torren and said, "Slumber party at Uncle John's tonight, Pal?"

"That is not necessary," Teyla told John but Torren had already started clapping and bouncing in his seat.

"Hey, watch it Buddy. Your Mom has a boo-boo on her arm," John warned the youngster.

Torren's eyes got big as he suddenly noticed the bandage. "Mama, boo-boo?" he said and his lips pouted. "I tiss it, mate it bettah?"

"Yes, of course you may kiss it." Teyla said. "That is exactly what I need to fix it. I do not know why Dr. Keller did not think of this earlier."

Teyla put her injured hand near her son but looked in Jennifer's direction. Jennifer looked like she wanted to say something but was holding her tongue. Teyla knew whose kiss Jennifer thought would help her heal and she was pretty sure it wasn't Torren's.

As if Torren had read her mind, he lifted his head from Teyla's hand and said, "Unta Dohn, you tiss Mama boo-boo and mate it bettah."

Jennifer's eyes lit up with glee and Ronon and Amelia looked straight at Sheppard to see what he would do.

"Uh, friends," Rodney interrupted, "Just stating for a fact, I am _not_ kissing any dirty old bandages."

"No one's asking you to, McKay," Ronon snapped back.

Jennifer smacked his arm so that he dropped his fork. "I just put those bandages there and they are _not_ dirty!"

"I didn't mean…I know they're not…" Rodney backpedaled. "Forget it." He hunched over his tray again but the others all trained their eyes on John and Teyla.

Torren patted John's arm and repeated, "Tiss Mama boo-boo."

"I will," John promised the boy. "But not while we're eating. Later, okay?"

"Otay," Torren agreed and resumed eating his food.

Jennifer, Ronon and Amelia hooted with laughter. John and Teyla just rolled their eyes and smiled at each other.

After a few more minutes of laughter and a few more of eating, Jennifer asked, "How was the day with the reporters?"

"Amazing!" Rodney stopped eating for the first time since he had sat down. "They shot video of me explaining several of my latest accomplishments. Surprisingly, a few of them seemed to understand what I was actually talking about and asked semi-intelligent questions."

At John's snort, Rodney sniped, "What's the matter, Sheppard? None of them drooled all over you?"

"Not interested in drool, McKay," John claimed. "If it were up to me, I'd hand 'em all over to you for the rest of the week and I could actually get some work done."

"Really?" McKay squeaked, "Cause I could ask Woolsey…"

"He'd never go for it. O'Neill gave a direct order, I don't have much choice."

"Yeah, like you've never disobeyed a direct order before," Rodney snapped sarcastically. "I could actually make an offer to Woolsey…"

Amelia interrupted this time. "Mr. Woolsey is getting ready for his interview soon."

"He's not in it yet!" Rodney exclaimed. "They're all still over there eating." And he pointed to the table across the room where the reporters were sitting. Several of the compact cameras were panning the mess hall.

"Oh, great!" John griped. "We don't even get any privacy while we're eating."

They continued eating and laughing and joking for a while longer then started to drift off.

John followed Teyla back to her quarters with Torren by his side. When they got inside, Teyla insisted, "You really do not need to take him overnight. I am sure I can manage just fine. The wrist is only slightly sprained."

"I know you can manage," John agreed. "You're Super Mom. But sometimes it's okay to accept help, too. Especially since Kanaan isn't here to give you a hand."

Teyla looked solemn, almost sad for a moment and John figured she must be missing Torren's father.

"Thank you, John. It _would _be nice to have a night to myself. I do not think I have had one since Torren was born."

"Then you're way past due," John said and bent down to Torren's level. "We could make this a regular thing, kiddo, huh?"

Torren jumped up and down and nodded vigorously. Teyla looked at the happiness radiating from her son's face and then at the man responsible for it. "You are too good to us, John."

John looked at Torren, then up at Teyla's beautiful face. "Nothing's too good for you," he whispered.

He gazed at Teyla for a while trying to read her emotions. In a way Teyla was a lot like him, an expert at keeping her feelings hidden. She'd had to be, to show her people a strong leader, one who didn't crumble even in the worst of times. And her people had suffered what could definitely be considered the worst of times. Even though she was so stoic most of the time, she had occasionally needed support.

He could remember several times she had needed solace and had sought out the comfort of his arms. That had been pure torture for him. He had wanted to wrap his arms around her and never let go. But he liked that she trusted him with her emotions. _"So why don't you trust her with yours? Because you're scared. _But caution had always held him back from showing too much of himself. Like now. He could definitely see gratitude in her eyes but there was some other emotion there, too. But even wishful thinking couldn't make it the emotion he was hoping for. He needed to break this spell. The one that was holding his gaze so tightly to hers. Like she was trying to read his soul as well. And if he stood here any longer, he wouldn't be able to keep _his_ feelings from seeping out through his own eyes.

Torren took that moment to grab John's leg and yell his name. "What's up, Bud?" John said, thankful for the interruption. For a second anyway until the next words came out of the boy's mouth.

"You tiss Mama boo-boo to mate it bettah."

John sucked in a deep breath and looked at Teyla. She looked at John and then a small chuckle escaped her throat. John followed with a chuckle of his own.

"Doesn't miss a thing, does he?"

"No, he does not," Teyla agreed.

John reached forward and took her bandaged hand in his. "Since I'm responsible for hurting it, it's only fair I try to make it better." He cradled her hand and brought it to his mouth, gently touching his lips to the bandage and brushing her knuckles on the way. He knew he probably lingered a bit longer than he should have but it wasn't nearly long enough.

"Bettah, Mama?" Torren broke the silence again.

Teyla smiled at John and then at her son. "Yes, it does not hurt nearly as much as it did."

"Okay, let's get you some jammies and a bag for tomorrow."

John looked at Teyla for direction and she went about gathering what they needed. John had been required to open a few drawers for Teyla during the quick packing session so he asked, "Anything else I can do for you while I'm here? Any jars need opening, heavy boxes moved?"

Teyla smiled and declined. "I think I shall be able to manage quite well for one night."

"Okay," John said," If you're sure. Hey, Pal, give your Mom a hug and a kiss."

Mother and son said goodnight and Teyla let him go. But John thought she seemed somewhat nervous.

"I'll take good care of him, Teyla. You don't need to worry."

"I am not worried about him," Teyla explained. "I know he will have a wonderful time with his Uncle John."

"That's right," John agreed as he handed the little backpack to Torren who eagerly tried to put it on. John helped him then faced Teyla and put both his hands on her arms.

"Take advantage of this time alone, Teyla. I'll bring him to Aleeah in the morning so I can go for my run. We're not scheduled to take our guests to New Athos until thirteen hundred hours so Woolsey said we could take some time off before that. Stackhouse and Teldy are scheduled to take them around the city with their teams in the morning. I'm gonna use the time to actually get some real work done. Use that time for yourself or visit with T.J. if you really miss him that much."

Teyla just nodded and thanked John again as he grabbed Torren's hand and guided him out the door.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxoxo

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Torren was in his pajamas, cleaned and brushed and John had read several of his favorite stories to him. They had played with some toy airplanes and blocks and Torren still hadn't gotten tired enough to sleep yet.

"I know," John said. "Let's send an e-mail to Dave. He's probably overdue for one about now."

John sat on the chair in front of his desk, pulled T.J. into his lap and opened his laptop. He was just starting the webcam when Torren jumped down. John saw where he was going and turned back to look at the computer.

"Hey, Dave. How's everything? Sorry if it's been a while. Duty calls and all that."

T.J. came toddling back with his blanket and stuffed giraffe now in his arms, which he held up to John. John picked the boy up and snuggled him in his lap.

"You remember T.J. right? Teyla sprained her wrist this afternoon, kinda my fault, so I've got T.J. to myself tonight to give her a break."

"T.J." he looked down at the child. "Say hi to Uncle Dave."

Torren pulled his blanket and stuffed animal closer to his face but mumbled a "Hi" around the thumb that was in his mouth. The boy leaned into John's chest and his eyes started to flutter. John wrapped his arms firmly around the child then kissed the top of his head.

He looked at the webcam and snickered, "Sure, _now_ he wants to sleep. Well, you can see I'm fine. Nothing too dangerous going on right now if you don't count that I may shoot myself in the head by the end of the week. Some brilliant big wigs decided to send a bunch of reporters to our little neck of the woods and my team's on babysitting duty. So very soon, I may not need to be so cryptic in our messages to each other."

He shifted Torren in his arms and muttered, "How much meatloaf did you eat tonight, Pal?" He looked up and continued, "I should probably get him into bed. Say hello to Julia for me. Stay out of trouble, huh? And I'm working on getting the time off for your wedding. Hopefully it won't be a problem, but around here things can crop up pretty quick. Take care of yourself, Dave." And John tapped a few buttons to shut off the webcam. A few more were pushed and the file was sent. Of course it would probably not get there for a while as the weekly status reports weren't due to the SGC for another few days.

John shifted Torren in his arms so he could pull the sheets down on his bed. He set the boy down and then tucked the sheets up around him. He sat on the side of the bed rubbing Torren's back and a wave of exhaustion passed over him. This whole news crew thing was stressing him out, probably more than it should. John decided his bed looked rather appealing so he stretched out next to Torren. He continued to move his hand up and down the child's back. He hadn't really thought where they would sleep when he mentioned this little overnight, but he supposed he could manage on the couch. It wasn't all that big, but he'd certainly slept in a lot worse places. As his mind went through what those places had been, his own eyes drifted shut.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox

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When his eyes opened again, John saw the dark curly hair next to him and was confused for a moment. He shook himself awake and sat up carefully as he remembered. He looked at his watch, noting it was a little after midnight. He'd wanted to check on Atlantis one more time before he slept, but now wondered how he would do that with T.J. here. He certainly couldn't wake the child to go with him, but who else did he know who would be awake at this time. Rodney and Ronon were usually still up but he had seen the looks McKay had been flashing Keller at supper. And the doc had actually been blushing. Yeah, didn't want to disturb that. Okay, so try Ronon and hope he and Amelia hadn't gotten the same idea as McKay and Keller.

He tapped his earpiece and said, "Ronon, this is Sheppard." It took a second but Ronon replied, "Yeah, Sheppard. What is it?"

He knew he could count on Ronon to keep an ear out for him.

"I wanted to do a quick check of the city before I went to sleep but I've got Torren here. You wouldn't be willing to sit here with him for, say half an hour, until I got back?"

Again a pause, but then Ronon answered, "Sure, can I bring a friend?"

John chuckled but told him yes and he'd see him in a few minutes.

When Ronon arrived, he had Amelia in tow. She looked somewhat reluctant to be there but Ronon dragged her inside anyway. "She didn't want to come saying it was too weird cause you're her CO," Ronon explained. "I told her she was nuts."

John just smiled at the uncomfortable woman. "You're off duty, Banks, right?" At her nod, he just shrugged. "Ronon's not military, heck he's not even from the same galaxy as you so it's not a problem. And I don't care what you do when you're not on duty unless it threatens the safety and well being of the people on this base. Sound fair?"

Amelia nodded. "Yes, Sir!"

Ronon chuckled at her stiff formality but pointed at Sheppard, "Go, put the city to sleep. It looks like you already managed Torren." He indicated the slumbering boy in Sheppard's bed.

"Thanks Chewie, appreciate it." He walked over to the door, gave one last wry look at Ronon with a still nervous Amelia at his side and winked. "I'll give a call when I'm on my way back." And he walked out the door.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxox

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John did his usual nightly check and was soon satisfied that everything was as it should be. With the exception of the damned reporters on Atlantis. And that thought brought him to the guest quarter's area where they were all staying. As he walked down the hall, he nodded and made a comment or two to the Marines who were keeping watch at each of the doors. As he turned the corner and approached the last one, he was dismayed to see the Hanako woman in the corridor talking to the SO assigned to her. As he came into view, the man snapped to attention with a salute and a "Sir!"

It always amazed John when they did that. He would love to have seen his Dad's face in these situations. So many people giving him their rapt attention and respect and waiting anxiously for the orders he would give them. His Dad had loved being the boss and handing out orders like candy. John wasn't so enamored with that part of the job.

He enjoyed being part of the decision making on the base and working with others to solidify strategic plans or treaties to work together with other worlds. He loved going on off-world missions and exploring new places. He especially loved that he didn't have a whole hierarchy here in the city to report to. Woolsey hadn't been as bad as he'd thought he would be. The man actually listened to everything he said and took it into consideration before making decisions. And he looked to John for advice on many occasions. It felt good for someone to appreciate his talents and expertise.

But John really didn't like giving orders. Especially when those orders resulted in the death of one of his men. The guilt would eat away at his soul and he sometimes wondered if there was anything left. He figured there must be something because it still bothered him when this happened. The day someone died and he didn't feel anything, that would be the day he knew it was gone for good.

"Sergeant," John greeted the man. "Ms. Hanako. You're up late this evening."

"I could say the same about you, Colonel," she responded in her slight accent.

John grinned. "It's my job to make sure everything's safe and running smoothly in the city."

"Yes, it is," she agreed. "But surely you have people to do this for you?"

"I like to do it myself. It makes me sleep easier at night." He nodded at her. "Have a good night, ma'am. Sergeant."

"Good night, Colonel," she said as he walked down the hall away from them.

He smiled when he heard the next few sentences from behind him.

"So, Sergeant, _does_ the Colonel do this every night or just when you have visitors?"

"Every night, ma'am, every night," the Sergeant replied.

"And does he actually sleep easier because of it?"

The Marine chuckled. "I'm not sure Colonel Sheppard knows how to sleep. I've seen him walking the city at two a.m. and then out for a run by five."

John chuckled once more as the voices faded away. There was that larger than life persona again. He hoped he'd never disappoint his men.

He passed Teyla's quarters on the way back and listened for a minute outside her door. Everything was silent so he walked the few corridors over to reach his. He was about to open the door when he realized he'd told Ronon he'd give him a head's up.

He tapped on his radio and said, "Ronon, it's Sheppard. I'm coming back." He waited about thirty seconds, then opened the door.

Ronon was lounging on the couch and Amelia was just coming out of the bathroom, smoothing down her hair. John looked around the room but everything was in place and Torren was still sound asleep.

"Thanks, Buddy, I owe you one," John told Ronon.

Ronon waved it off with a "no problem" and headed for the door.

John quickly said, "Banks, thanks for helping out. Sorry I interrupted your evening."

She gave a quick nod and said, "It was my pleasure, Sir."

As the two of them walked out the door, John's grin widened. "I'll bet it was."

He quickly cleaned up and threw on an old T-shirt and sweats. He was about to grab a blanket for the couch when Torren started to whimper. He rushed over and saw the little boy's eyes sleepy and confused.

"Mama?" he whispered.

John sat next to him on the bed and stroked his cheek. "I'm right here, Pal. You're okay."

The boy's hands reached up for him trustingly, so John lowered himself onto the bed and drew T.J. into his embrace. He rearranged the covers around them and brought Torren's blanket back near his face. The boy snuggled deeper into John's arms but kept his eyes open, looking right at John, as his mouth pulsated around his thumb. John moved his hand through the toddler's hair and down his back in a rhythmic motion hoping he'd go back to sleep.

But those eyes stayed open like they were making sure John wouldn't disappear. He wouldn't, but he understood that Kanaan had been absent quite a bit recently and that could be causing Torren to be as unsure of John as his real father. _REAL father!_ Hold on! That insinuated that John was also a father figure. When had that happened? But looking back at his ever-increasing time with Torren, he realized it was true. At least in his eyes. And seeing the child's steadfast gaze, he figured it was true to some extent there as well.

Maybe this sleepover wasn't such a good idea. Kanaan was the boy's father and should be doing this. But he wasn't and the bottom line was that he hadn't done stuff like this in a long time. That was one of the reasons John had started taking a bigger role in this kid's life. But maybe he had been wrong to do this. Maybe he should back off and hope Kanaan would pick up the slack. That thought alone sent panic wrapping itself around his heart. As tightly and deeply as this boy had wrapped himself around John's heart. He looked down at the child who was still silently staring up at him. He couldn't do it. He couldn't back away from this child anymore than he could one of his own flesh and blood.

How had John let this happen? He was supposed to be the carefree Uncle who came to play every now and then. And here he was, lying next to him, helping him sleep through the night. John wasn't complaining. This thing he had with Torren gave him a reason to be a kid again. And that helped get him through the times when things were really crappy. John chuckled and realized that Torren was kind of like his therapist. But even better, Torren helped him feel good without having to talk about his feelings. So he didn't have to feel guilty about spending time with the boy, he could just consider it therapy. John's eyes met Torren's one last time before both sets fluttered closed.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

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John finished dressing and picked up the stuff he'd brought for Torren last night. He smiled when he recalled how he'd woken up with the child's head in the crook of his arm this morning. He'd lain there quietly listening to the sound of the boy breathing. He hadn't planned on sharing the bed with the kid but when he'd woken up asking for his Mom, Sheppard knew he needed to comfort him. The surprising thing was that John had slept really well.

_I wonder if you'd sleep just as soundly with the boy's mother in bed beside you?_

John stopped in the corridor on the way to Teyla's room at that wayward thought. _Whoa! Get those ideas out of your mind before you reach Teyla's room._

_ Why? Because you know the answer is that if Teyla were in bed next to you, the last thing you'd be doing was sleeping._

John shook his head, knowing these thoughts had just undone what his five-mile run and subsequent shower had tried to accomplish. Another deep breath went in and out before he swiped his hand in front of her door controls. It was a few moments, but she finally opened the door. She looked flustered and was still in her pajamas.

She gave John a forced smile as he stepped into her quarters and she asked, "Where is Torren?'

"I dropped him off with Aleeah for the morning. I told you I would." John reminded her then looked closer at her face. "Are you all right?"

Teyla sighed heavily then looked up at John with a strange look on her face. "I am a bit embarrassed by this," she began. "But I have been unable to change because my wrist is too weak and I cannot get this knot undone."

John then noticed that her pajamas were the kind that tied inside on the left then crossed and tied again under her arm on the right.

"I thought it would be easier than attempting buttons, however I must not have managed a decent bow and during the night it became a tight knot. I have been incapable of getting it undone."

"Then I came at the right time," John said. "I can probably manage to get a knot out."

"I am not certain of that," Teyla said skeptically. "During my efforts, I fear I may have tightened the knot even more. Perhaps we should just cut the tie."

"Let me try first," John suggested. "I'd hate to ruin the pajamas. They're my favorite pair." When he realized he'd said the last thought aloud, he cleared his throat and said, "Um, okay, let's see what we have."

Teyla lifted her arm up and he bent his head to look where Teyla indicated. That's when he realized he was probably in a lot of trouble. First, the knot had indeed been tightened extensively and second it rested right on the outside of Teyla's breast. But not one to back down on a promise or a challenge, John sat in Teyla's desk chair and pulled her to stand between his legs.

Teyla moved her shoulder and arm behind her to give John room to work but John wasn't sure that was such a good idea either. It pushed her chest out prominently right in front of his face.

He took a deep breath and moved his hands to start working on the knot. He kept his gaze on the thin cord that was bound together, but the fact that his knuckles kept brushing Teyla's form was more than a little distracting. He spent a few minutes trying to determine which part of the knot needed to be loosened to unravel it. Then he attempted to do it. He wondered if subconsciously his fingers were fumbling so that they could spend more time in proximity to this tantalizing part of Teyla's anatomy.

He snuck a glance at Teyla and saw her eyes were closed and her breathing was a bit heavier than usual. John shrugged it off. She's probably just frustrated that it's taking so long to get undone.

John tried again to no avail. "I can see what section needs to be pulled but I'm having a hard time gripping it with my fingers. If it were something of mine, I'd just grab it with my teeth but…"

Teyla took another deep breath in and said impatiently, "Then try that please, John. I am close to ripping these pajamas off my body."

John almost wanted to wait to see if that would happen but he figured it wasn't such a good idea. John took one look at exactly where his teeth needed to go and made his first attempt.

_John's fingers brushed over her breast gently as the knot began to loosen. Her traitorous nipple betrayed her and pushed proudly against the thin satin of her pajamas. John finished with the knot and moved his lips across the rounded mountain of her breast to settle on the prominent peak. As he sucked on it through the fabric, Teyla's breath grew ragged. He opened her top and untied the inside cord exposing all of her to his hungry gaze. His rough hands moved under her breasts and caressed them as his mouth found the now exposed nipple. He drew it into his mouth and lavished it with his tongue. Teyla's knees started to go weak and a groan escaped her lips._

"Did I hurt you, Teyla?" John asked, alarmed at the sound that came from Teyla's throat.

"No, no, I am fine!" Teyla assured him, coming back to reality. "I just moved my wrist in an uncomfortable way, that is all." She was profoundly embarrassed that her little fantasy daydream had caused her to moan out loud. She hoped John wasn't aware of the real reason behind it.

He leaned back and pulled out the last of the knot. He started to pull apart the ties when he realized it would expose half her chest. He quickly dropped the ties and moved her slightly away from him.

"All set," he said through clenched teeth and a fake smile. "Um…I uh… should, uh…"

Teyla moved away from him saying, " I can be dressed in just a few moments and then we can go to breakfast together. You may wait right there."

Teyla gathered some clothes and walked to the bathroom. John stayed seated facing away from the bathroom door. He was kind of glad actually that Teyla had told him to stay because after having his mouth and nose resting where they'd been, he wasn't sure he could walk yet. He'd need a few seconds to recover.

He looked up and knew that was the wrong thing to do as well. His eyes had been drawn to the large mirror nearby and he had a perfect view of Teyla's back as she removed her top on the way into the bathroom. He knew Teyla's people were much less inhibited, having lived together in large tents for all their lives. But as much as he was enjoying the view, he wished she would close the bathroom door.

She didn't. And this time the groan in the room came from deep in John's throat. He tried to tear his eyes away but couldn't. Like a deer caught in the headlights, he watched at Teyla stripped off her bottoms, ran a wet cloth over her body, dried it then dressed. John knew she'd be out in just a few seconds and he needed to cool his body down but wasn't sure there was anything here to douse the flames.

He was wrong. His eyes moved round the room and settled on a jacket hung on a hook. He knew instantly it was Kanaan's. That's all it took. The sight of Kanaan's coat, right here in Teyla's quarters, the ones he had to reiterate again and again, that she shared with another man. Of course that man was hardly ever here, which had resulted in John's lapse in judgement.

But he shouldn't forget, couldn't _ever_ forget that Teyla belonged to another man.

She returned from the bathroom, fully dressed in traditional Athosian clothes. They were going to her village today and she had dressed as one of them. It was yet another reminder to John of the bond between Teyla and Kanaan.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

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"Everybody all ready?" John asked as he set his tray on the table overlooking the city. "We need to head out at thirteen hundred hours."

"Yeah," Rodney answered first. "Zalenka's just putting the finishing touches on the parts for the new irrigation system. They should be ready by the time we leave."

"Good! What about you, Doc? You got your lollipops all packed up?"

Keller laughed. "Of course! That's the most important part of the medical bag. Especially since I have to give a few booster shots."

"Teyla and I are just pack mules for this trip, so I don't have to get anything ready," Ronon bragged.

"Except I have Torren to keep my eye on as well." She turned to John. "Did you not say you would pick him up from Aleeah before lunch?"

"Yeah, I did," John said. "But I was running late trying to get a few more status reports done. Lorne asked if there was anything he could do for me, so I sent _him_ to get T.J."

"And here he is now," Lorne announced as he strolled up to the table with Torren riding on his shoulders. "One little boy, packaged and delivered."

Ronon got up and eased Torren off of Lorne's shoulders and plunked him in a chair.

"Thanks, Major," John said. "Appreciate the help."

"No problem, Sir," Lorne replied. "He's an awfully cute kid. Actually, that Aleeah's not too bad, either."

That got a few chuckles and Teyla said, "I will tell her you said so, Major, if you like."

Lorne's face turned red and he stuttered, "Oh, um, no… that's probably…fine. Have a good trip. Sir." He addressed the last to Sheppard and turned on his heel and quickly departed.

As they continued to eat, they spoke about their trip. Which reminded Ronon of something that had been bothering him lately. "Is Kanaan going to be there?"

"Um…" Teyla stalled, fiddling with the food she had put in front of her son. "I do not believe so." She turned back and busied herself again with Torren.

Ronon felt his blood begin to boil. He'd been more than willing to accept this guy that Teyla had partnered with. He'd tried to make him feel welcome and even given him the benefit of the doubt when he'd spent more and more time in the village. He knew how hard it was to adapt to new situations.

But it had been almost two years since they'd brought him back from Michael and he spent almost no time with Teyla or their son. Ronon thought of Teyla like a sister and he hated the idea of anyone treating her this way. Especially when there was someone as good and decent as Sheppard waiting to step in. Sheppard had already proven he was more of a father to Torren than Kanaan had ever been.

"How was the sleepover last night, Sheppard?" Ronon asked.

John had just stuffed the rest of his sandwich in his mouth, so he just gave a thumbs up.

Torren took the cue and looked at John. "I seep over aden?" He then looked at his mother to repeat, "Mama, I seep over aden?"

"We shall see," Teyla replied then asked, "How was he last night, John?"

John had gotten his sandwich chewed and nodded. "He was great. He fell asleep in my arms when I was sending an e-mail to my brother. Aside from one little fuss when he woke up disoriented, he slept right through to this morning."

Teyla looked thoughtful for a moment then asked, "Was it shortly before one?"

Surprise showed on John's face but he nodded, "Yeah, how'd you know?"

"I felt his distress and awoke as if he had called my name."

"He did," John confirmed, his eyes confused.

"I then saw an image of your face and felt him relax, though he still remained uncertain if you would stay near," Teyla finished.

"Yeah, I uh… crawled into bed with him and he laid there quietly, but watching me for a while. Then I guess we both fell asleep."

"He trusts you and feels safe with you, John," Teyla surmised.

Rodney broke in incredulously, "Are you telling me you can read this kid's thoughts?"

"No, Rodney," Teyla chuckled. "But I _am_ able to sense his emotions, especially when they are strong ones."

"Have you always been able to do that with him?" Rodney asked again.

"There has been a strong bond since I carried him," Teyla replied.

"That is so cool!" Rodney exclaimed.

John snickered. "Of course, you know, when he's sixteen and has the hots for one of the cheerleaders, he's not gonna like it at all."

"You _would_ have the hots for some brainless cheerleader," Rodney snarked.

"I never said _**I**_ did!" John defended but several people chuckled and Rodney just snorted.

"So this is probably related to that Wraith communication thing or even like how the Wraith Queen gets into people's heads."

Teyla shrugged and Rodney continued. "So, can you do it with anyone else? Tune into their head, I mean?"

"She's not a radio receiver, McKay!" John criticized.

Teyla sighed and confessed, "At times, Kanaan and I have been able to sense the other's feelings. It does not work if we are far apart or if we purposely shelter our emotions."

McKay seemed to think about this for a minute then snapped his fingers. "Ooh, ooh, What about Sheppard?" He pointed to John who almost choked on the water he was drinking. "Sheppard had that bug thing on his neck and then almost turned into one. If there's any residual bug-stuff left in him, maybe you could… I don't know…do it with him."

All noise at the table suddenly ceased and all eyes tried to find something else to look at. Except McKay who really had no clue what he'd just implied.

Jennifer broke the silence. "It's not a parlor trick, Rodney and I'm sure Teyla doesn't go around trying to get into people's heads."

"Besides, I don't have any of that bug DNA left in me, right Doc?" John confirmed.

"Well, no…I mean… not really… um… You _are _fully human again." Keller stumbled through the words.

John's eyes turned dark and worried. "You're not showing me a whole lot of confidence here, Doc!"

"No, really, you're fine, Colonel!" Jennifer insisted. "It's nothing to worry about."

"But it is _something_!" John snapped. "I thought Carson told me I was fine."

Jennifer took a deep breath and let it out again. "You are fine, Colonel!" Jennifer paused again. "You've read the reports of people who've temporarily been a host to a Goa'uld or Tokra like Sam or Vala. Well, when the symbiote dies or is removed, it leaves a protein marker that's detectable in most cases and allows them to use certain technology."

"So you're saying I've got some sort of bug protein left in me. Why didn't you tell me this before?" John's voice was getting louder the more he spoke.

"We don't know exactly what it is. It's barely detectable and it hasn't caused you any problems, so Carson and I decided to keep it to ourselves."

"Woolsey? The Air Force? The IOA?" John inquired, looking worried.

"Nobody. Well, Elizabeth knew. And now the people at this table." She looked apologetic.

John looked cautiously around the table.

"I didn't hear anything," Ronon grunted and Teyla nodded her consent.

All eyes were on Rodney. "What, like I'm gonna say anything. Although… I still think Teyla should try getting into Sheppard's head."

"Rodney!" Jennifer warned.

"Okay, okay, I didn't hear anything either."

Everyone else realized that what McKay said wasn't too far off the mark. Except they all knew that Teyla had gotten firmly inside John's head quite some time ago.

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"How much longer must we travel before we reach this settlement?" Nigel Vincent questioned as they tramped through the forest on New Athos.

"It is not much longer," Teyla answered. "Another twenty minutes perhaps."

"Twenty minutes!" Vincent exclaimed. "My Italian shoes are already beyond hope, but another twenty minutes in this heat and my Armani suit will never be the same."

"Quit your complaining!" Julia Donovan snapped at him. "They told you to wear something comfortable and suitable for walking."

"I'll have you know I've strolled many a boulevard on the French Riviera in this suit and it has been perfectly comfortable."

"Well, this isn't the French Riviera," McKay informed him as he passed by the English gentleman.

Navi Parwana moved closer to the agitated reporter and said, "You should be grateful that they are not insisting we help carry all of that." She looked at Sheppard who had a huge backpack, a large tote in one hand and his P-90 in the other. Ronon and Teyla were similarly decked out although McKay and Keller managed with just the one large backpack.

"Even the little one is required to carry something." Suhuba Latif smiled as he pointed to Torren who galloped along happily in front of everyone with his little backpack strapped on tight.

John had taken point and was keeping an eye on the kid. But they'd traveled this way many times and T.J. took it all in stride. It helped that the boy seemed to have an abundance of energy right now. John didn't doubt that he'd be crashing not long after they reached the village though.

His thoughts were interrupted when Ms. Hanako asked, "Colonel, could we not have taken one of your puddlejumpers to arrive at the village quicker?"

Sheppard sighed for the tenth time since they got here. "There are too many trees near the gate. A puddlejumper can't get through."

"You have the equipment to cut down trees, do you not? Why have you not made it easier for yourselves," Hanako persisted.

"Because then it would be easier for the Wraith to send darts through the gate as well," John explained with a limited amount of patience. "This way, if they want to get here, they need to send a hive ship and many of those are busy fighting each other these days."

Ms. Parwana moved forward and flashed a dazzling smile at Sheppard. "I think it is very noble that you make every attempt to safeguard these people even though they are not of your race."

"They're human, aren't they?" John pointed out. "That's good enough for me."

John glanced back to make sure everyone was still with them. Ronon was a few steps behind Hanako and Parwana. Rodney seemed to be doing an on camera interview while they were moving. John figured it was the only reason he wasn't complaining about the long walk. He usually did. The last few reporters straggled after that and he could just make out Teyla on their six with Jennifer keeping her company. He turned back, whistled for Torren to slow down and stay with them and hoped they'd all leave him alone for the last few minutes of the trip.

At the back of the line, Jennifer was pumping Teyla for information. "So did you really see the Colonel's face in your vision last night?"

Teyla rolled her eyes but knew she would answer. Jennifer had been her friend and confidante for quite a few years now. She was trustworthy and an excellent listener. And there had been many times that Teyla had needed a sympathetic ear. Because of this, Jennifer knew all about the difficulties between Teyla and Kanaan and Teyla's continually growing feelings toward John.

"I did not see his face so much as feel his presence with Torren."

"Wait, you know what his presence _feels_ like?" Jennifer asked. "Was Rodney right? _Can_ you get into the Colonel's head?"

Teyla looked around carefully to see how far away the others were. "I have _occasionally _attempted to… how shall I say it… interpret…his feelings and emotions. But I have not attempted this very often."

"Okay, forget this doctor stuff. You have so got to tell me, as your closest friend, about this. When was the last time you _interpreted_?"

Teyla's cheeks flushed and she looked embarrassed. "This morning."

"Oh, my God!" Jennifer gushed. "Spill it girl! Spill everything!"

Teyla took another look around before telling Jennifer about the stubborn knot in her pajamas and her subsequent daytime fantasy.

"And you actually groaned out loud?" Jennifer said in disbelief. "Did he hear you?"

"Yes," Teyla winced. "But I made some excuse about moving my wrist and causing it pain."

"So he was completely unaffected by having his hands and mouth … where they were?"

"He was affected," Teyla nodded confidently. "That was when I attempted to sense his emotions. They were … quite strong." Teyla lowered her eyes almost guiltily.

"What did you do?" Jennifer smirked.

"I told him to wait while I changed," Teyla began. "He was sitting facing away from the bathroom so I started to disrobe as I approached the door. I felt a strong throb of desire and realized…"

Jennifer's eyes widened. "The mirror in your room!"

Teyla nodded.

"So you closed the door and left the poor man wondering," Jennifer guessed but at Teyla's continued guilty look, Jennifer squealed, "You didn't? You left the door open?"

Teyla nodded. "I sensed such desire in him, I am afraid it tainted my judgement. I should not have teased him so, but it has been so long since I have felt desire that intense… I should not have done it. I do not know what got into me."

Jennifer's lips turned up and her eyes sparkled. "I know what you _wanted_ to get into you."

"Jennifer!" Teyla gasped. "I… I … want to deny that but I am not sure I am able."

"Yeah, sorry for being so crude," Jennifer apologized. "Guess I'm a bit frustrated myself. Last night, Rodney and I went back to his quarters… and he got called away on some emergency in the lab that only _he_ could deal with."

Jennifer and Teyla looked at each other and burst out laughing.

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxo

.

"If I have to sit in this sweltering, bug-infested wilderness much longer I may go stark raving mad," Vincent complained loud enough for most people in his vicinity to hear him.

Plekanov glared at him. "This is the most amazing story any of us have ever been on and all you do is complain. What did you expect to find traveling to another galaxy?"

"I expected spectacular cities like Atlantis, not this uncivilized shanty town without even a hint of technological advancement," Vincent insulted.

"I must object," Latif challenged. "I find these people to be quite civilized. They have shown us every courtesy at their disposal."

"I quite agree," Parwana joined in. "If you had taken the time to learn of their history and culture, you would realize that their nomadic lifestyle has been imperative to their very survival."

Plekanov snickered, "He was too busy, how do you say, _putting the moves_, on the attractive Athosian woman, Teyla."

"I do not think she has an interest in you, my friend," Latif bluntly told Vincent. "Besides, did she not inform us that her child's father is also of this village?"

"She did say that," Donovan butted into the conversation, as she walked over to the long tables filled with food for the guests. "But I have my doubts personally. Apparently this guy hasn't been around much lately. Who knows if he even exists."

"But why would such a story need to be fabricated?" Inquired Parwana.

"Think about it," Donovan began. "What's the alternative?" She shrugged. "That the father's from Earth, right? There's still so much prejudice in our world, can you imagine the stir an intergalactic relationship would cause, never mind an intergalactic child."

"But who?" Parwana asked innocently.

"My money would be on Colonel Sheppard," Hanako said, finally entering the conversation. "I have been very successful in getting a good deal of information out of the Marines who have been assigned to monitor us."

"I'll bet you have," murmured Donovan suggestively.

Hanako ignored the snide comment and continued. "Colonel Sheppard spends a great deal of time with the boy, even to the extent of delivering him and picking him up from his daily caretaker."

"That does not prove anything, other than that he is a caring, thoughtful man who is willing to assist a teammate," Parwana insisted.

"I would normally agree," Plekanov said, "But I have also watched Sheppard these last few days and it seems the connection he has with the boy is a bit more than I would expect from a helpful friend."

He tilted his head to indicate where Sheppard had just finished telling a very animated story to the Athosian children. As the children moved off laughing, young Torren reached up his arms and was hauled into the embrace of the Colonel. The young boy wrapped one arm around Sheppard's neck, put his head on the Colonel's shoulder and popped the thumb from his other hand into his mouth. Sheppard rubbed the child's back as his eyes canvassed the area. He whispered a few words to one of the village children, who ran off and then back again, carrying a small homemade quilt. Sheppard tucked the blanket between the boy and his shoulder and continued to move his hand on the child's back.

"I rest my case," Hanako gloated proudly.

"It _is_ an interesting theory." Donovan's eyes narrowed and she moved her camera from where she had filmed the interaction to pan the village, all the while managing to keep Sheppard somewhere in the shots.

"You people, with your petty ideas and paparazzi ways, should not have been chosen to highlight such a momentous revelation in the history of our planet," Latif scowled. "I will not sit here and listen to anymore of this gossip." He got up and walked away to interact with the villagers.

Parwana rose as well. "I must agree with Suhuba. There is a fascinating story to tell here and I plan on doing it justice."

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

.

"What'cha got there, Teyla?" Teyla jumped at the sound of Ronon's deep voice behind her. She quickly lowered the item in her hand back to the chair she had removed it from.

"You startled me, Ronon. I did not hear you come in."

Ronon moved all the way into the tent and his eyes roamed the walls and around the items inside. "Sorry," he apologized. "Old habit, I guess. So this is Kanaan's tent, huh? I mean when he's not in Atlantis with you."

Teyla could hear the disapproving tone in his voice. "Yes," she answered and looked toward the child sleeping in the bed on one side of the dwelling. "John carried Torren in here a while ago when he fell asleep. I was just checking on him."

"What'd ya find?" Ronon asked again, reaching for the discarded item. He picked it up realizing it was a delicate scarf in an intricate pattern.

"It is nothing," Teyla explained. "Just a scarf. It is not important."

"Is it yours?" Ronon wondered.

Teyla's gaze was troubled as she replied, "No, it is not."

Ronon picked up on the implication. "So what's Kanaan doing with a fancy ladies' scarf in his tent? I'd think he got it for you, but it's already got a scent on it," he said as he held it up to his face.

Teyla looked around the room and released a heavy sigh. "The scarf is Pangoran, you can tell by the unique design," Teyla explained "They are highly sought after on many worlds, but most are worn by Pangori women."

"Pangori? You said he was going there a few weeks ago right, on some mercy mission or something?" Ronon confirmed.

"Yes, he has apparently been making trips there for quite some time, although most of my people have not said why."

"Or they're not telling you," Ronon suggested, "because maybe they don't want to cause you any pain."

Teyla looked down at her sleeping son, up at her friend and then glanced around the room with a confused, lost expression on her face. When she looked back at Ronon, he thought he saw a shimmer of dampness in her eyes. Ronon moved to her side quickly and pulled her into his arms. He held her there for a few seconds then murmured, "The guy doesn't deserve you, Teyla!"

"He is the father of my son," she reminded him.

"You could have fooled me," Ronon grunted. "A father's supposed to love you and care for you. He teaches you stuff and spends time with you. I don't see Kanaan doing much of that recently."

"He is uncomfortable in the city." Teyla made excuses.

"You love someone enough, it doesn't matter," Ronon disputed. "Kanaan doesn't act this way, but there is someone who does."

Teyla leaned back from Ronon but kept her hands on his arms. "Ronon, I am unsure what to do."

"You need to do what's best for you and for Torren," Ronon responded. "And I don't think Kanaan is it, not anymore."

At Teyla's slight nod, Ronon continued, "Teyla, you deserve someone who's gonna put you first. Someone who's willing to do whatever's needed to make you and Torren happy. Someone who's willing to die for you if necessary." At Teyla's skeptical look, Ronon finished, "Know anyone who fits that description? And I'm not talking about me, although you know I'd do anything for both of you, right?"

"You are a wonderful friend, Ronon. Torren and I are lucky to have you."

"And who else?" Ronon coaxed.

Teyla looked concerned for a few minutes then said, "Please, do not tell John about this." She held up the scarf. "Not yet anyway. He is already carrying a heavy burden this week. I do not wish to trouble him further."

"But you _will_ tell him?" Ronon demanded.

"Yes, I will," Teyla promised. "After these reporters are gone and I have had a chance to speak with Kanaan."

When Ronon seemed ready to argue, Teyla silenced him with a strong look. "I must settle things with Kanaan first," she insisted. "You know as well as I do that John has lines he will not cross and I believe that this is one of them."

Ronon nodded his head in acknowledgment of her wisdom in dealing with the situation.

Her eyes turned to him again. "Was there a reason you came looking for me?"

"Yeah, Sheppard wants to leave soon. He wants to be through the gate before it starts getting dark. He's getting pretty tired of these whiny bastards and he wants to hand them back over to Lorne."

Teyla chuckled. "Yes, I have sensed John's frustration. I am ready but I am not sure Torren will be capable of walking back to the gate on his own." She held up her still bandaged hand.

"Most of the stuff we carried in is staying here, so between me and Sheppard I think we can manage to haul one little kid home," Ronon offered. "I'll let Sheppard know and give him a hand rounding up _our guests_. One of us will be back to get Torren in a few minutes."

"I will have him ready," Teyla said and moved toward the child to wrap him more firmly in his blanket.

.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

"I swear these people are gonna be the death of me," grumbled John as he finished zipping up his TAC vest. "If I make it through the next few days, it'll be a miracle."

"Come on, Sir, it can't be that bad." Lorne said. "Besides they're only here for another few days. How much trouble can they get into?" Lorne was repacking vests while Sheppard's team got ready for their 'Recon Mission'.

"You weren't there two days ago, on Galinor, when they almost caused a riot. Good thing Teyla was there to explain things to the locals."

Lorne chuckled, "Yeah, I heard they were a bit too intrusive with a few vendors."

"The British guy and that Hanako woman are the worst," John stated. "They just don't know when to quit."

"Oh, I don't know, I think Akira is quite charming," Rodney contradicted. "She's a fascinating woman and quite well educated, too. I mean, you know, for a reporter."

"Oh, she's charming all right," Lorne scoffed. "She charmed one of the techs into giving her access to the data base."

"What!" Sheppard roared. "When the hell did this happen?"

"Woolsey took care of it, Sir," Lorne explained. "Although I think he's a bit smitten with her, too. She convinced him it was imperative to see what the Wraith look like and what danger we're in from them."

"I was just thinking I wouldn't mind dropping them off on a Wraith-infested planet," John said smugly.

Actually, Sir," Lorne winced as he shared the info with his CO. "Woolsey showed them the video feed from when Kolya took you prisoner."

John's eyes bulged and his nostrils flared as he tried to keep from exploding. He slowly turned around, closed his locker and then, as if he couldn't hold back anymore, kicked it hard. The sound reverberated throughout the locker room.

When he turned around again, he was taking a deep breath to calm himself. "Great!" he fumed. "I can see it now. Me, on the six o'clock news getting the life sucked out of me! Going through it the first time wasn't bad enough."

"I don't think Woolsey gave them a copy, Sir," Lorne placated with an attempt to diffuse the situation. "I _think_ he just showed them."

"I can go through their equipment and break it all if you want, Sheppard," Ronon offered with a smirk.

Thanks, Chewie!" John nodded his appreciation, but Rodney protested.

"Oh, no, no, no. I've got some great stuff on those tapes. I'm finally going to get a little recognition for some of the amazing discoveries I've made."

"Shut up, McKay!" ordered Ronon.

"Hey, I…" Rodney started but Teyla stepped forward and laid a gentle hand on Rodney's arm. "I think it would be best if you got the reporters into the jumper."

Ronon seemed to get her message so he grabbed McKay and pulled him out the door saying, "We'll be in the Jumper Bay."

Sheppard just nodded and looked at Lorne. "Major, just be ready to take them off my hands when we get back, okay?"

"Absolutely, Sir!" Lorne replied crisply and left the room.

John sat down on one of the benches, his shoulders sagging slightly and let out an enormous sigh. Teyla paused a moment then moved to stand right behind him. She put her hands on his shoulders and whispered, "I am sorry, John. I do not know what Mr. Woolsey was thinking."

John just sat there staring straight ahead. He took another deep breath and let it out slowly. Teyla wondered if she had the ability to help calm John the way she sometimes did with Torren. She closed her eyes and concentrated on sending peaceful thoughts in John's direction. She began to sense his turmoil but also felt it start to ease with the intrusion of her mind and thoughts.

She sent more calm feelings his way as she said quietly, "John, I know it is not your way to dwell on your times of suffering, however, I want you to know should you ever have need to share these feelings with another, I am here for you."

Teyla couldn't see John's face but she felt immense gratitude fill him. His hands came up to rest on hers and he squeezed them softly in appreciation. His head then slowly moved up and back until it rested against Teyla's vest. They remained unmoving for several minutes and Teyla could feel John getting his emotions back under control.

She was pleased with this, but had also enjoyed the experience of sharing the emotional moment with him.

"Colonel Sheppard, Teyla?" Chuck's voice came over their earpieces. "They're ready for you in the Jumper Bay."

John stood up but kept one of Teyla's hands in his as he turned to face her. He gave her a lopsided grin as he squeezed her hand again. He then touched his radio and said, "We're on our way."

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.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox

.

Teyla moved past the reporters into the front of the jumper with John a few steps behind her.

"Okay, campers, listen up!" John announced as he stepped into the back of the jumper. He grinned and continued in a tour guide voice. "We have a fun filled adventure planned for you today. We'll be taking a puddlejumper to the lovely planet of P2X 458 where we will cruise at a low altitude until we find _anything_ worth looking at closer. Once we land, we will enjoy a brisk walk, so I hope you all wore your traveling clothes today."

He looked pointedly at Vincent who had the grace to almost blush. His voice still remained sickly sweet but now had a firmer bite to it. "Now the rules of our little adventure. Rule number one. _**I **_am the boss! If I tell you to do something, you do it, immediately! No questions, no arguments, no comments. Rule number two. We use the buddy system. No one goes anywhere by themselves, not even for … delicate matters. This is a new planet and we have no idea what kind of dangers could be hanging around. Your tour guides today will be McKay, Ronon, Teyla and myself. You must stay within sight of one of us at all times. Remember, if you can't see us, we can't see you."

As Sheppard finished his rules and exacting promises from his guests, Rodney moved toward Teyla and asked. "What the heck did you do to him? He was like Mount Sheppard, ready to erupt, a few minutes ago."

"I did not do anything, Rodney," Teyla denied. "I simply allowed him time to get his emotions back under control and gave him peace while he did it."

Rodney looked at her dubiously but remained silent.

"Okay, boys and girls, extinguish all smoking materials, buckle your seatbelts, keep your arms and legs inside the vehicle at all times and…have a pleasant ride."

John walked past the reporters and into the front to take his seat. He powered up the jumper and radioed the control room to dial the gate.

As they were waiting for confirmation, Rodney leaned forward and said, "Uh, Sheppard, since when did you become a Mouseketeer for Disneyland?"

John just chuckled and lowered the jumper into the gate room. About fifteen minutes later they had circled past an area of rocks and caves that Rodney wanted a closer look at.

"The rock is made from a mineral that's a bit unusual. I want to get some samples."

"What's so unusual about it?" John asked.

"If I knew, I wouldn't need to get a closer look now, would I?" Rodney snapped.

Sheppard just shook his head, pointed out a herd of huge rhino-like animals on the ground that they might want to avoid and found a suitable place to land some distance away from them. As everyone exited, Sheppard reminded them again of the rules.

Vincent, not one to be outdone in derogatory jest, jeered, "Yes, father. We promise to be good little children."

Sheppard smirked. "Be real good and I might let you borrow the car tonight."

Donovan laughed as she marched past Vincent making sure her camera was working properly. It was less than ten minutes when they got to the rock formations McKay had wanted to study. Rodney set about doing scans and collecting samples. Latif, Parwana and Plekanov mulled near him asking questions as he worked.

The other three ventured a bit further. It was barely an hour before Vincent was complaining of hunger and boredom. John had been walking the perimeter trying to ascertain how suitable the planet was for an alpha site when he realized Donovan and Vincent were no longer in his sight. He clicked on the radio. "Teyla, Ronon? You got a visual on Donovan and Vincent?"

"Uh, yes. I can see them," Teyla responded. "However they have traveled further than I would recommend without a team member."

"Okay, keep your eye on them. I'll be right there." It took less than a minute to get back to where Rodney was with half of the reporters. He headed toward Ronon and saw Teyla a bit beyond that. "Chewie, keep your eye on both groups if you can. I'm gonna corral these clowns a bit closer to the rest."

Ronon grunted in affirmation. As John approached, he saw Teyla tense up and start to move quickly to where Donovan, Vincent and now Hanako were. He could see they all had their cameras trained on something near another group of rocks. A bad feeling raced down his spine and he picked up the pace.

.

.

"Stop!" Teyla warned. "You must stop at once and back away." As Teyla approached she saw three cameras trained on a few young animals sunning themselves on the rocks. Teyla had not seen this species of animal before, but they looked young and therefore would more than likely have adults nearby.

"They are adorable!" Cooed Hanako and Donovan added, "They couldn't hurt us."

"No, but their parents might," Teyla informed them. "Please, do as I say."

Vincent snorted and moved closer to one of the animals. A loud screech echoed through the air. Teyla turned around to see a much larger version of the pup leap across the rocks straight at her.

"Get back!" she yelled bracing for the impact she knew was coming, unable to get her weapon up in time. A hail of bullets bounced off the rocks and diverted the animal from its course. Relief surged through her and gratitude as she saw John lower his P-90 and continue toward them.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?" he thundered at the reporters who still hadn't moved from their spots. "Did you _not_ remember Rule number one? When a member of my team tells you to stop and move, you stop and move! Now…"

John never got to finish his order as several more roars came from a few different directions. He held out his finger and yelled, "Move! Back to the jumper!"

Teyla was just hustling them off when another roar sounded from John's direction. Blending in with the rocks, the great cat-like animal had been unnoticed until now.

"John!" screamed Teyla but it was too late. As John turned around at the warning, he barely had time to push Vincent to the ground before the animal rose on both back legs like a bear and swung a clawed paw at John's head. John dodged slightly, but the massive claw, connecting with his neck and shoulder, sent him flying backward to land sprawled on the ground. Vincent screamed as the animal approached to strike again, but a blaze of light struck the gray fur and the animal collapsed on the ground.

Teyla turned to see Ronon standing a few yards away with his weapon drawn. She rushed over to her fallen teammate. "John?" She reached his side as he was opening his eyes and attempting to sit up.

Ronon and Teyla grabbed him by the arms and hauled him to his feet. "You okay, Sheppard?" Ronon checked. "You're bleeding."

John shook his head as if to clear it and reassured them he was fine. When he saw that the reporters had barely moved twenty feet, he opened his mouth to yell again. He was stopped by a cacophony of yowls and shrieks and roars. That alone got the reporters moving in the right direction. John clicked his radio and instructed, "McKay, we've got problems. Get back to the jumper now!"

"What…?" Crackled over the radio.

"Just do it!" John ordered.

As they ran, John started to feel the scratches on his neck and shoulder. He figured he might have hit his head because he felt weird. His head didn't really hurt, and he was thinking clearly, but his arms and legs were beginning to feel heavy the more he moved. Ronon had fired a few shots behind them, buying another minute or so. He looked ahead and nearly stumbled when he saw that Vincent was running almost sideways with the camera still facing in the direction they had come.

When they got to where Rodney and the lesser of the pain-in-the-asses had been, he was relieved to see them already packed up and gone. In a few more minutes he could see the jumper and Rodney's crew in it. The other reporters were almost there, with Ronon right behind them. Teyla was just a few steps in front of him.

His limbs were so heavy now he wasn't sure he would even make it as far as the jumper. But he could still hear the wailing of the animals, so he pushed on. He almost made it to the ramp when his right leg gave out. He went down hard and was surprised when his hands didn't automatically go down to cushion his fall. Teyla and Ronon were right there to pull him up and he stumbled the last few feet. Ronon closed the rear hatch as soon as everyone was safely inside.

"Colonel, you are injured! You are bleeding badly!" Parwana stated as if Sheppard didn't already know.

John dropped his P-90 on the way to his seat and collapsed into it.

"John, I should look at your wound," suggested Teyla but was shaken off with a scratchy "Later."

"Um, John, I can fly us back if you don't feel up to it," McKay volunteered, concerned.

John powered up the jumper and took her into the sky back toward the gate.

"Fine," he mumbled and wondered why his throat was so dry all of a sudden. His leaden limbs continued not to cooperate and John was thankful this ship could fly with just his thoughts alone. _What the hell was happening to him_? He tried to turn his head to check how everyone else was but found it too wouldn't cooperate. He could see Teyla in his peripheral vision hovering and watching him like a hawk. They were approaching the gate so he opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He concentrated harder on that one small act and managed to croak, "Dial."

Teyla dialed the gate, entered the IDC and they were back in Atlantis within minutes. John breathed a sigh of relief when he finally set the ship down in the Jumper Bay. Now he just had to get his arms and legs moving again. Oh, yeah and move his head and speak. _God this was not good_! John's heart beat faster when all of a sudden he didn't have the strength to even stay in the pilot's seat anymore.

Teyla had been watching John carefully as they made their way home. She could tell something was wrong but John had a tolerance for pain like no man she had ever seen, so it was often difficult to gauge exactly how badly injured he really was. The barely audible "Dial" had given Teyla her first real clue and when John hadn't moved after they landed, she knew it wasn't good.

She motioned for Ronon just a second before John started sliding out of his seat. "John!" she cried alarmed and she and Ronon maneuvered him out from the pilot's seat to the floor behind it.

Teyla looked up and said, "Rodney, get Jennifer!"

But he had already tapped his comm. and shouted, "Medical Team to the Jumper Bay STAT!"

Teyla grabbed a gauze pad from her vest and pressed it to John's neck. Ronon hovered and asked, "Sheppard, you still with us, Buddy?'

Teyla looked up and indicated to Rodney, "The medical team will need to get through."

"Oh, right. Of course," mumbled Rodney and turned to find all the reporters staring at Sheppard lying still on the floor. "Get out of here, you vultures!" Rodney demanded and almost exploded when he saw that a few cameras were actually still on. "Get out!"

Jennifer came running in a second later and crouched down near John. "What happened?" She asked as she lifted the gauze pad to inspect the wound.

"Some sort of animal attacked him." Ronon supplied simply.

"Hanako said it was a cross between a large cat and a bear," Rodney added.

"Colonel," Jennifer addressed Sheppard as she listened to his chest and felt his wrist for a pulse rate. "Does it hurt anywhere besides the wound site?" When he didn't answer, she tried again. "Colonel, can you hear me? Can you understand what I'm saying?"

John's mouth twitched and his breathing became more rapid but he didn't move a muscle or utter a sound. With the exception of his eyes. Those were wide open and filled with confusion.

"We need to get him to the infirmary, now!" Jennifer ordered and within minutes they had John on a gurney and had wheeled him away.

.

.


	3. Chapter 3

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.

The rest of John's team wanted to follow him to the infirmary but knew Sheppard would have a fit if the reporters were left unattended. They made their way downstairs and herded the news crew into the conference room. Teyla and Ronon stood just outside, ready for the opportunity to flee.

Lorne showed up in minutes and said, "You're back sooner than expected. Did the Colonel run out of patience or did one of them get a blister?"

At the solemn look on Teyla and Ronon's faces, Lorne got serious. "What happened?"

"Yes, that's what I'd like to know, too," declared Woolsey as he walked up behind them. "Major, do you have a few men who can keep our guests company while we talk in my office?"

Lorne nodded, made a few quick motions to some of the Marines in the gate room and spoke briefly into his comm. He made his way along with Ronon, Teyla and Rodney into Woolsey's office.

"I assume the medical team was for Colonel Sheppard as I see everyone else accounted for."

Lorne looked back and realized Sheppard hadn't been in the Conference Room with McKay and the reporters like he'd assumed.

Before Lorne could say anything, Woolsey urged, "Fill us in."

Teyla began retelling the events. When she had described the attack, Woolsey interrupted, "So both you and Colonel Sheppard ordered these people to stop what they were doing and move away, back to the jumper?"

"Yes," Teyla replied. "Colonel Sheppard spoke several times. And they did not respond until after the creature attacked. Had it not been for the Colonel, I fear I would be dead as well as the three who were with me."

"That's what Sheppard does," stated Ronon from the corner of the room.

"Yeah, but _they're_ all fine," sneered Rodney, "and Sheppard's the one who's injured."

"How bad did it look, his injury?" Lorne inquired.

"The lacerations to his throat and shoulder were fairly deep and bled freely," Teyla responded. "But I fear there is more to it. John was barely able to sit upright during the short flight home and collapsed as soon as the jumper landed."

"Well, those babies can fly themselves if you've got a strong enough gene," Lorne supplied.

Rodney nodded. "And Sheppard's got the granddaddy of all genes."

"So Colonel Sheppard could have collapsed from blood loss?" Woolsey guessed.

"It is possible. However his eyes were open and aware, yet he was not speaking or moving in any way," Teyla informed him.

Woolsey just nodded, trying to assess the situation.

Teyla took a deep breath. "Mr. Woolsey, if you do not need us, I think we would like to go and check on the Colonel."

"Of course, of course," Woolsey waved them off absentmindedly.

As they were leaving, Ronon asked, "What're you gonna do with them?" indicating the people in the conference room.

"I think I'll let them cool their heels in there for a while. Major, can you arrange for a lunch to be brought in and guards to remain at the door. I need them all in one place until I decide what to do with them."

"Absolutely, Sir," Lorne replied and walked out with the others. "I'll be down to check on the Colonel's condition as soon as I get things squared here."

The others just nodded and headed for the infirmary.

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

The nurse finished applying the bandages to John's neck and shoulder, checked the leads attached to his chest and made sure the oximeter was firmly on his finger. She gave him a kind smile, pulled the covers up to his chest and left the room. John looked around, or as far as he could while he was still unable to turn his head. They'd put him in a smaller room off the back of the infirmary while they were checking him out. Keller and her team had poked and prodded, put him through the Ancient scanner and taken samples of his blood and around the open wound on his neck and shoulder. He'd been changed into scrub pants but the wound had still been open so they hadn't put a top on him yet.

He kind of felt like when you were first hit with a Wraith stunner. You were slightly conscious and aware for a short while but unable to move. That is until you passed out. But he hadn't passed out. He almost wished he would because then he wouldn't have to think about what was happening to his body. He was starting to get a little freaked out by the absolute inability to move any part of his body at all. Well, except his eyes. Surprisingly he could still open and close them. But that was it, nothing else worked. He even tried making some sort of noise but nothing came out. He took a deep breath in through his nose, thankful that the lungs were still functional. Would they continue to work or would those freeze up also?

Keller walked back in and gave an encouraging smile to her patient. John tried to smile back, but again, nothing worked. His frustration must have shown in his eyes because she immediately put her hand on his arm and said in a comforting voice, "Colonel, no it's all right."

She nodded, "I want to make sure you understand what I'm saying. If you can hear me and understand, I want you to blink once."

John blinked and Keller's smile got wider. "Good, do you remember what happened?"

John blinked again, one time.

"Okay, now I want you to think about when the paralysis started coming on. Did it come on all at once or gradually?"

_How the hell do I blink that, Doc?_

At the alarm in John's eyes, Jennifer realized what she'd done. "Oh, sorry…um, blink once for yes and two times for no, okay? Did it come on all at once?"

John blinked twice.

Jennifer nodded looking thoughtful. "It came on gradually." One blink.

"Of course, I'm sorry, Colonel. I'm just thinking aloud here." She looked him over. "Have you been able to move anything at all?"

_Are you kidding me here, Doc?_ John blinked his eyes, three, four, five times.

"Right, your eyes. I guess I meant anywhere else?"

John blinked no.

"I want to check something out. I'm going to touch a few parts of your body and I want you to tell me if you can feel it. Blink once for yes." Keller proceeded to pinch or poke John in various places, the arm, foot, leg, side and he gave a blink for each one, then she touched his wound site.

_God, yes, I can feel that! _John threw the thoughts at Keller and his eyes and indrawn breath must have conveyed the pain because she removed her hand and quickly apologized.

"I know that hurt, but it's a good thing actually. It means the nerves weren't affected, only the muscles. We ran a test on your blood and on the scrapings from the wound site. There's the presence of a neurotoxin. The creature that attacked you must have this toxin in their claws, to help subdue their prey. It's similar to that of a spider or some sea animals. This animal obviously eats their prey alive, which is why the toxin didn't kill you instantly."

_Yeah, I'm so lucky_

"It instantly went to work causing paralysis of your muscles. The big question of course is, is it permanent?"

_Of course it's not permanent! You're gonna do what you always do and pull some unbelievable cure out of your ass and fix this! Maybe it'll take a few hours, okay I'll even do a few days, but you will fix it! Right Doc? Right?_

As John was screaming inside his head, his heartbeat had begun to race and his breathing got faster and more shallow. Images raced through his head. Him, in a bed, surrounded by a million old people. All lying there, not moving, eyes vacant, drooling. Only _his_ eyes weren't vacant. They were alive and aware but unable to communicate that to anyone. Like right now. John tried with all his might to make something move, anything. As his heart beat faster, his breath came unevenly and his anxiety level rose. He didn't seem able to control it. Why couldn't he control it? He always had such a strong hold on his emotions before. Why was this fear running away from him now?

"Colonel," Keller snapped. "You've got to calm down. The toxin in your blood is probably causing a lot of this anxiety and making it worse."

_Or it could be caused by the thought that I might stay this way forever!_

Jennifer looked at the heart monitor and noted the dangerously high rate of Sheppard's pulse. She turned toward the door. "Holly, I need some Diazepam in here STAT." Within a minute she had the sedative in John's IV and his vitals started to improve.

"Get some rest, Colonel. We'll run some more tests and hopefully have a few more answers by the time you wake up." She watched as Sheppard's tormented eyes relaxed and started to close.

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

"Rodney, please stop pacing," Teyla requested. "It will do you no good to wear yourself out."

"I know, I know," McKay acknowledged. "It's just that I can't sit and do _nothing. _I have an overabundance of nervous energy."

"It's been over an hour," Ronon observed. "Why hasn't someone told us what's going on?"

"I am sure Jennifer will tell us as soon as she has information to share."

Rodney resumed his pacing but stopped as soon as he saw Jennifer approach them.

"How is he?" Teyla asked.

Jennifer took a deep breath and Teyla's heart almost stopped. It could not be good news.

"He's alive and that's good for now," Jennifer supplied.

"It's just a couple of scratches. He's been hurt worse than that before and still stayed upright," Ronon insisted. "What happened this time?"

"The animal that attacked him had some sort of neurotoxin in his claws," Jennifer started. "It got into the Colonel's blood stream."

"A neurotoxin?" Teyla looked confused.

"Yes," Jennifer responded. "It's like a poison. Many animals have it to subdue their prey so they're easier to catch. What's unusual is it's usually a smaller animal like a scorpion, spider…" she looked at Teyla and Ronon's confusion and finished, "Iratus bug. But you said the animal was fairly large right?"

Teyla nodded but Rodney's eyes went wide and he snapped his fingers. "Those really big cow-like rhino things we saw on the way in. They were huge. It would take a lot to bring one of those babies down."

Jennifer nodded and said, "That's what I was afraid of."

Three sets of worried eyes looked straight at her.

"The amount of toxin released was enough to bring down one of those animals and they weigh…what…a couple thousand pounds?"

"Easily twice that," Rodney confirmed. "These things were huge!"

"And Colonel Sheppard maybe tops out at 180 on a good day."

"What are you saying?" growled Ronon.

"The toxin in Colonel Sheppard's body has done more than slow him down. It's completely paralyzed every part of him, including his vocal chords. He can't speak or move."

"Completely?" Ronon challenged.

At Jennifer's nod, Rodney jumped in, "But you can fix it, right?"

"I don't know." Jennifer looked uncertain. "The toxin was meant for something more than twenty times the Colonel's weight. I'm afraid with the higher concentration, it may have done permanent damage." Her eyes were filled with sorrow but she continued, "if he even survives."

Teyla swallowed hard. "This is a possibility?"

Jennifer still looked unsure. "I hope not, but his vital signs are unstable at best and his respiration is inconsistent. I'm afraid the toxin might start shutting down some of his vital organs. If that happens, there's not much I can do."

"So, you're saying either Sheppard's completely paralyzed or he's dead," Ronon said bluntly. "'Cause if I had a choice, I'd rather be dead."

"I didn't say there was _**no**_ chance of him recovering," Jennifer clarified. "But if he can make it through the next week and the damage _isn't_ permanent, his recovery would still be quite extensive."

"Define extensive," Rodney asked.

"Complete rehabilitation," Jennifer described. "Kind of like a stroke victim learning to walk and talk again. It could take a year or more. And that's only _**if **_the damage isn't permanent."

"But it is possible?" reiterated Teyla.

Jennifer shrugged and shook her head at the same time. "I wish I could tell you more."

"Thank you, Jennifer," said Teyla. "Is there any way we could see him now?"

"I suppose," Jennifer agreed. "Although I just gave him a sedative so he may be out for a while. He was pretty freaked out and his breathing and heartrate became erratic."

"Wait, if he can't speak," Rodney pointed out, "how did you know he was freaked out?"

"You're not very observant are you, Rodney?" Jennifer commented. "Colonel Sheppard may not say much but his eyes speak volumes. Go on in. If he wakes up, let one of us know."

"We will," Teyla promised and the three of them moved quietly to where John was resting. He didn't look much different than any other time he was injured, except maybe the location of the bandages.

Ronon slumped in a chair near John's IV, Rodney grabbed his computer and swung a chair near the foot of the bed and Teyla flanked his other side. There wasn't much to say. There never was when they were sitting vigil at someone's hospital bed. Teyla moved her seat as close as she could and cradled John's hand in both of hers. His eyelids flickered for a moment, then were still again.

They sat that way for over an hour; Ronon tipped back in his seat, Rodney typing away on his computer and Teyla still holding John's hand, although now her cheek was resting against it as well.

.

.

Rodney finished the latest calculation he'd been doing and looked up. He figured he might be able to sneak out for something to eat before Sheppard woke up. But as he looked up at the man lying in the bed, he realized John's eyes were open. Still drowsy, but open.

"Hey, John," Rodney smiled softly at his friend.

At Rodney's words, Teyla and Ronon perked right up and peered toward their friend as well.

.

John had opened his eyes to see his friends sitting beside him. _Hey guys_, he thought but nothing came out. He was about to clear his throat and try again when he remembered what had happened. He concentrated real hard and willed some part of his body to move. Nothing! He was hoping it had all been a bad dream.

It wasn't.

He could feel the soft skin of Teyla's cheek against his hand and wished he could stroke her face. But he guessed it could be worse if he couldn't even _feel_ her hands holding his.

Rodney was straight in front of him and he assumed Ronon was off to his right, even though all he could see was a big pair of booted feet propped on the edge of the bed. He appreciated his team being there for him but he almost wished they weren't. He wasn't sure he wanted them to see him this way. _Okay, that's a stupid thing to say. They've seen you turn into a bug, for Pete's sake. There's not much worse than that._

He saw Rodney stop pushing keys, look up and say, "Hey, John"

_God, what do I do now? It's not like I can say anything back or give them my typical 'I'm fine' because I can't freakin' __**say**__ anything and I'm definitely __**no**__t fine!"_

Rodney stood up and said automatically, "How are you feeling?"

_Well, I'm just peachy, Rodney. How do you think I'm feeling? I can't talk and I can't move. In fact I can't do any damn thing at all. Except maybe blink a whole bunch. So if I need to flirt with someone, I'm all set, but other than that I'm pretty much useless!_

At Rodney's question, Teyla glared at him, then said, "We will be here with you, John. But you should rest. Your body has gone through quite an ordeal."

"Oh, God! That's right, he can't talk. I forgot. Sorry!" Rodney gulped.

"McKay, shut up!" ordered Ronon.

"What!" whined Rodney. "I forgot!"

He glanced again at John's face that was looking confused or in pain or something else unpleasant. An unpleasant _thought _entered Rodney's mind.

"How do we even know he can hear us or understand what we're saying? I mean your brain is kind of a muscle, right? What if that got paralyzed, too? Jennifer didn't say."

Teyla glared at Rodney again, this time in a much fiercer way.

"I'm just saying…" repeated Rodney.

_Thanks, Pal. Glad to see you can always find the worse case scenario for every occasion. Well, I am in here and if you'd just take the time to look in my eyes like Teyla is, you'd know my mind is still functioning._

"Hey, John," Ronon came into the one sided conversation. "Thought you'd want to know Woolsey's pissed. He's sending the reporters packing first thing in the morning.

John let out a huge sigh and closed his eyes to try and hide the pain and annoyance he felt. _Maybe if Woolsey had sent them packing earlier, I wouldn't be lying here in this stinking bed unable to do a freakin' thing._

"Colonel, you're awake." Keller approached the bed, smiling her typical cheerful smile. John could tell this one was a bit more forced than usual. "Did the sedative help at all?"

John blinked yes.

"Good! I just need to check your wound site." She gently lifted the corner of the bandages where she'd had to put a few stitches. As her fingers softly probed the laceration, John's eyes went wide then squeezed shut as his breath started coming in shallow pants.

"Is this more painful now than it was before?" Jennifer asked and acknowledged John's one blink. "I'll think I'll start you on some antibiotics just to avoid any possible infection. I didn't want to do it earlier since I didn't have enough information on the toxin."

Jennifer nodded at the nurse who had followed her into the room. "I can give you something for the pain if you want it," Jennifer offered. Sheppard declined. "Of course, you don't," she chuckled. "Well, I'll check again later and if the pain's still bad I suggest you take some."

"Hold on! Wait a minute!" interrupted McKay. "How are you having this conversation with him? The man can't talk. So, unless you've suddenly acquired the ability to read minds, wait… you haven't, have you?"

"McKay, you're so dense!" Ronon growled and Rodney started to sputter.

"Rodney," Jennifer began calmly, "Colonel Sheppard is blinking once for yes and twice for no. I just have to word my questions correctly."

"Oh!" Rodney said. "Good idea. Oh, hey! I've got a thought. If he can blink yes and no, then he could probably blink Morse Code and we could get even longer answers." Rodney looked around waiting for the cheers he knew would come for his brilliance once again. All he got was a smile from Jennifer and a nod.

"I don't know Morse Code."

Teyla and Ronon shrugged in agreement.

"Well, I know it," stated Rodney and he looked at John, "and you know it. You do … know it, don't you? I mean, I assume you do, but I guess maybe I don't really know if you do. Do you?"

John opened and closed his eyes in a succession of short and long blinks.

"Oh, nice!" Rodney whined, then said sarcastically, "Thanks!"

At the questioning looks from the others, he pointed at John and revealed, "He just called me a moron!"

A collective chuckle rose from the room. Teyla looked over at McKay, "I guess that answers your question, Rodney. I believe John's mind is exactly as it has always been."

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox.

.

"How has he been, Rodney?" Teyla asked as she walked into John's room.

Rodney looked up from the computer on his lap and replied, "Quiet."

Teyla rolled her eyes and requested, "Useful information, please."

"Huh?" Rodney looked at Teyla in confusion, then said, "Oh, uh, I meant he's been asleep most of the time."

The team had been taking turns staying with their friend for the day. Ronon had done some of the afternoon, with Rodney taking after dinner. Teyla had used the time to spend with her son and put him to sleep. Her friend Aleeah had volunteered to watch him for the night.

Teyla moved closer to Rodney while looking at John lying so still and quiet on the bed. "Has Jennifer made any progress?" she whispered as she nodded her head in John's direction.

Rodney shook his head dejectedly. "She said the level of neurotoxin was too high to actually be able to reverse any of the effects. The best case scenario is for the paralysis not to be permanent."

Teyla felt a tug on her heart. This should not have happened to John. Any kind of inactivity drove him nuts. It was one of the things that made him so good with Torren. They both had the inability to sit still for very long. She turned toward him again and saw that his eyes were open. She wondered how long he'd been awake and how often he'd been awake without anyone noticing.

She moved to the side of the bed and took his hand in hers. "Hi, John," she said sweetly. "Have you been sleeping much of the day?"

John blinked twice. Teyla had been afraid of that. It meant he not only heard her conversation with Rodney but probably other conversations as well. Teyla tried to think of something to say. Something that would keep his mind occupied but not drive him deeper into the depression she observed beginning in his eyes.

"Torren kept asking for you at dinner, and then after for his story. I tried to tell him you were unwell, but he insisted he should come give you a kiss to make you better."

Teyla checked John's eyes to see if it had been the right thing to say. There was now a hint of humor in them.

Good, it had been the right thing, so she continued. "To get him to actually sleep, I had to show the recording I made of you reading Good Night Moon to him several months ago. It satisfied him for tonight. But I also promised him he could come visit you in them morning if you were well enough. Would that be acceptable?"

John's eyes opened a bit wider for a second then closed firmly once, before he opened them again.

"Good!" Teyla smiled brightly. "I will check with you in the morning before I bring him in."

Rodney stood up and closed his laptop. "Okay, John, I'm …uh… gonna go. Probably get a little snack before I go to bed. You want any…oh, um yeah, right, never mind. I'm … just gonna … go now. I'll see you tomorrow."

_Yeah, Pal, thanks for standing watch. _John chuckled inside at how uncomfortable Rodney was with other people being sick or injured.

His chest started feeling tight so he attempted a large breath to get some air, but nothing happened. He could get a few small intakes but nothing substantial.

_Take it easy John, nothing to get freaked out about. Think of something calm. Think of Torren. Okay, T.J. could never be considered calm except maybe when he was asleep, but it's still a happy thought. He'll come see you in the morning and it'll be great. Yeah, until he wants you to read him a story or take him skateboarding or give him a piggyback ride. Then what will you do? You can't even explain to him why. _

John tried another few breaths and felt even less air go in than a few minutes ago. He listened to Rodney tell Teyla that Ronon would be back a little after midnight to spell her.

_Come on, John, another breath, you can do it! Who the hell opened the airlock and let all the oxygen out?_

He looked up and saw Teyla still talking to Rodney but now the room was getting hotter, or was it colder and he couldn't actually hear what they were saying. He tried to get their attention but nothing worked, apparently not even his lungs. _Maybe it's for the best,_ he thought as the edges of the room grew darker. There was no way he could live like this, completely paralyzed, unable to adequately communicate. He'd go off the deep end within a month, maybe even sooner.

He saw Teyla look at him and her eyes went wide and frightened. She rushed toward him but the edges of the room got darker until they faded away. All he could see were Teyla's frantic eyes and her beautiful mouth. She was saying something to him. He wished he could hear what it was. _But really, this is for the best. _That was his last thought before the dark edges overtook everything.

.

Teyla noticed John's eyes go dark and frightened for a second, then close. He opened them again a second later to be joined by short panting breaths that seemed completely unfinished. Teyla rushed over to him and asked, "John, are you all right? John!"

His eyes grew unfocused and he made almost a gagging sound. "Rodney! Get Jennifer. I think he is having difficulty breathing." She had barely finished saying this when a loud beeping sounded and Jennifer rushed in followed by Marie rolling in a cart. Jennifer placed her stethoscope on John's chest then did a cursory glance over the rest of him.

"He's stopped breathing, Marie!" Marie didn't need any orders. She lowered the head of the bed, tilted John's head back and placed an oxygen mask over his face. She started rhythmically squeezing the ball on the end to force air into John's lungs.

Jennifer lifted her ear off John's chest and said, "I don't think it's going in. We'll need to get him on a ventilator before…" She never finished her sentence as John's heart monitor beeped and showed a flat line where his heartbeat should have been.

Holly shouldered her way past Teyla, who had backed up into the doorway and started grabbing tubes and wires.

"Get that in now!" Jennifer yelled as she pulled out a set of paddles and started fiddling with dials.

Rodney stared at the flat line still humming across the screen, willing it to start jumping again in perfect rhythm.

The tube was finally inserted and Jennifer ordered, "As soon as I get his heart started again, get that O2 hooked up! STAT! Clear!"

Jennifer placed the paddles on John's chest and pressed the buttons. John's body jerked into the air and the line on his monitor jumped for a second, then flattened out again. Jennifer yelled, "Clear!" again as one more time an electric current was sent into John's chest.

Teyla had almost stopped breathing herself when the defibrillator hit John a second time. Her eyes flew to the screen only to see the line go flat again. Her mind went back in time to when she had dragged John through the event horizon and Carson had made many attempts to restart John's heart after the Iratus bug had been removed. She tried to remember how many it had taken that time. Was it four or five? Plus the one Aidan had done before they went through. How many were too many?

Jennifer was adjusting the dial and hitting him again. Each time she did it and each time it failed to restart John's heart, Teyla felt _her_ heart die a little inside. She had promised Ronon she would tell John the truth about her relationship with Kanaan. Would she get the chance or would her reason to stop things with Kanaan die right here with John?

"Hook him up to that O2 now!" Jennifer ordered as she placed her stethoscope on John's chest again. Teyla looked up and saw the flat line had started its rhythmic jumping again. Within seconds the whoosh of the ventilator was pushing air into John's starved lungs and Teyla could see his chest rising and falling in perfect harmony with the sounds of the machine.

Marie finished taping the tube to John's mouth and started cleaning up the wrappers they'd haphazardly thrown on the floor during the crisis.

"You okay?" a wide-eyed Rodney asked as he moved to stand next to Teyla. Teyla didn't think she could trust her voice right now so she just gave a small nod.

Rodney gave her a crooked smile and reached up to wipe something off her face. At the touch, Teyla started and realized they were tears. She reached up and felt quite a bit of wetness on both her cheeks. When had that happened? She looked over at Rodney, who still looked shell shocked and reached for his hand. He grabbed it like a lifeline. One small tug from both directions and they were engulfed in a hug from the other, providing the reassurance they both needed.

After another minute, Jennifer interrupted them and said, "He's stable for the moment but that was close. His vitals still aren't where I want them to be and truthfully that ventilator is the only thing keeping him alive right now."

They nodded in understanding.

"Why don't you both go back to your quarters, it's been a long day and you should get some rest. I'm going to bunk here in the infirmary for the night to keep an eye on him."

"You go, Rodney," Teyla coerced. "I will sit with him until Ronon comes. Go!"

Rodney looked uncertain, but shook his head. "Okay, but if anything happens, call me."

Teyla agreed and Rodney left leaving Jennifer and Teyla alone in the infirmary listening to the sounds of the machine that was keeping John with them.

Teyla took her previous seat next to John with his hand held firmly in hers. A gentle touch on her shoulder brought her eyes up.

"You really should get some rest, Teyla. I'll let you know if there's any change, I promise."

"Thank you for your concern, Jennifer," Teyla said as her eyes focused back on John. "But I am not leaving."

Jennifer touched her shoulder again in support then moved to the door. She looked back one last time before she returned to her office. What she saw almost sent her back in. Teyla, her strong and stoic friend, had lowered her cheek onto John's hand and sobs racked her tiny frame. Jennifer wanted to comfort her, but she knew that sometimes a girl just needed a good cry. And Teyla was long overdue.

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox

.

"You have no right to send us back early. We weren't supposed to leave until tomorrow," Nigel Vincent said in his oh-so-proper voice.

"You're lucky I'm not sending you to a Wraith infested planet," Woolsey said in a dangerously low tone. "Colonel Sheppard suggested it a few days ago. Maybe if I had listened to him, he wouldn't be lying in the infirmary right now."

"How is the Colonel?" Ms. Parwana asked. "No one will give us an update on his condition."

"The toxin in the creature's claws caused paralysis, "Latif reminded her. "We were informed of that last night."

"Yes, but the looks we have been receiving by the military men this morning has me thinking something else has happened." She looked curiously at Woolsey.

"You are correct," he said as he straightened his jacket for the fourth time in ten minutes. "Colonel Sheppard's respiratory system shut down last night causing heart failure." He let the serious words sink into the startled reporters.

"Oh, God!" Donovan cried, "He's dead?"

"No," Woolsey corrected, "Dr. Keller and her staff were able to get his heart started again and put him on a ventilator. But right now that ventilator is the only thing keeping him alive. So I don't want to hear another word from any of you about your rights. Now, we plan on dialing Earth directly and as soon as I've explained the situation to General Landry, you'll be instructed to go through."

Woolsey left them with Major Lorne in the gate room and climbed the stairs to the control room. "Chuck, dial the gate. Amelia, when you get a connection to General Landry, patch it through to my office, please. And make sure that gate doesn't shut down until we get rid of those pariahs."

"Yes, Sir," both of the technicians responded.

.

.

xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

.

"Unscheduled off-world activation," Chief Master Sergeant Walter Harriman announced. He tapped a few computer keys and waited for a potential IDC.

Sam Carter and Hank Landry hustled into the control room looking for clarification.

"What have we got, Walter?" Landry asked.

"We're getting an IDC now," he said looking puzzled. "It's Atlantis, Sir."

"Open the iris," commanded Landry. "They're a day early. Wonder what's up?"

"And why they're dialing direct," Sam pointed out, "and not going through the Midway Station."

"Mr. Woolsey is asking to speak with you, Sir," Walter informed him.

"Put him up," Landry requested and Richard Woolsey's image popped up on the overhead screen. "Richard, you're a day early. What can we do for you?"

"General Landry, Colonel Carter," Woolsey greeted them. "You can take this flock of vultures off my hands. I'm done with them."

"Ah, Richard, I can see you fell for their considerable charm the same way I did," Landry teased, then got serious. "What's really up? You don't dial direct and waste precious ZPM power for an annoyance."

"You do when that annoyance almost kills your second-in-command."

"John?" Sam questioned, concerned. "What happened?"

Woolsey gave them the shortened version, finishing with how Sheppard had managed to get everyone out, but had been attacked himself.

"How bad is it?" Landry asked.

Woolsey told them about the neurotoxin in the creature's claws that had paralyzed the Colonel. Woolsey sounded disheartened.

"Has Dr. Keller been able to figure out something that will counteract this toxin?" Sam inquired.

Woolsey shook his head. "The prey this animal feeds on is larger than a rhino. Since Colonel Sheppard weighs considerably less…"

"He received the toxin in a higher concentration," Sam finished, "with less chance of reversing the effects. How's he handling it so far? John's not one for sitting still."

"I wish I could tell you," Woolsey said, "But his respiratory system shut down last night causing heart failure. Dr. Keller managed to get his heart started again, but he's on a ventilator right now and it's the only thing keeping him alive. She's worried that the toxin will start shutting down the rest of his organs."

Woolsey continued to fill them in on John's chances and potential recovery and then suggested, "Dr. Keller says Colonel Sheppard has a brother. I'd suggest you contact him and make him aware of the situation. He has a right to know."

"I'll take care of that myself," Sam volunteered.

"Good," Woolsey answered then said, "I'm sending the reporters through now. I'll keep you updated on Sheppard's condition." Woolsey nodded and the visual connection was cut.

The event horizon rippled and six figures emerged into the gate room dragging bags and suitcases, looking a bit apprehensive.

"Walter," Landry ordered, "Get someone to escort these…people… to the infirmary for a post mission check."

Walter replied, "Yes, Sir."

General Landry looked down into the gate room one last time and gave a huge sigh.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

.

"David, you promised me you'd leave work early tonight," Julia Gianni reminded her fiancé David Sheppard as he continued to scroll through information on his laptop.

He looked at his watch. "It's only 4:45, so technically it's still early.

Julia threw him a look. The one that said 'you're pushing it'. "We have incredible seats for that show tonight and I don't want to have to rush in there at the last second. You promised me!"

David smiled. "You're right. I did. Let me just shut this down." He pressed a few keys then paused. "Oh!" he sounded excited.

Julia rose from her place on the sofa and walked to David's desk. "Oh, no you don't! Shut it off!"

David looked up. "It's an e-mail from John," he pleaded. "It's been over five weeks since the last one. Let me just check that he's still got all his body parts, okay?"

Julia moved closer to David's chair and conceded. "All right. But only because John's e-mails have a tendency to run no longer than ten or fifteen seconds."

David chuckled as he pulled Julia into his lap. "Long winded he is not. Let's see what he has to say."

David pressed the key to start the downloaded video. John appeared on the screen, sitting at what David always assumed was his desk. He looked distracted for a second but David was relieved when he saw no cuts, bruises, bandages or other obvious injuries. John gave a quick greeting and then Torren toddled into the picture and climbed into John's lap.

"This is the little boy I was telling you about," David informed Julia. "John's crazy about this kid, and the Mom, too, if I don't miss my guess."

John said a few more things about Torren staying with him that night and then he again worked the magic David had seen him perform in San Francisco almost nine months ago. Torren snuggled into John's arms and promptly fell asleep. David listened to John ramble about some reporters, shift Torren in his arms again, half promise to be at their wedding and then sign off. David looked at the computer and apologized.

"Sorry Julia. John was feeling chatty when he made this. It was almost two whole minutes."

Julia wrapped her arms around David's neck. "That's fine, because you're always in a better mood when you know your brother's all right. But now that you know, we need to leave."

As Julia was climbing off her fiancé's lap, his intercom buzzed. "Oh, no!" Julia warned. "No last minute emergencies."

"She's probably just telling me she's leaving for the night." David pressed the intercom and said, "Yes, Mrs. Tucker?"

"Mr. Sheppard, I hate to disturb you, but there's a woman here to see you. She says it's urgent that she speak with you."

"Did she say what it's about?" Dave asked, reluctant to speak with someone so late in the day without an appointment. Especially when he could see that his fiancée was in a hurry to leave.

Mrs. Tucker's "She's from the Air Force and she says it's about John," shot David right out of his seat and had him opening the door in half a second.

The tall, blond woman in dress blues came forward into his office and said, "Mr. Sheppard, I'm Colonel Samantha Carter from the United States Air Force."

They shook hands but David did away with formality. "Something happened to John, didn't it?"

Carter looked at the woman standing a few feet behind Sheppard. David saw her glance and said, "This is my fiancée, Julia." He got right back on topic. "I just got an e-mail from John this afternoon. He was perfectly fine."

"He probably sent it a few days ago and you only got it today," Sam explained and continued. "I'm sorry to tell you but there was an incident involving John. He was severely injured."

"Injured?" David repeated, "He's not…"

"Dead, no," Carter explained. "At least not at the last report we got. But Mr. Sheppard…" and Sam paused for a deep breath, "John's been paralyzed."

David heard the words but was so relieved that John was alive that it was a second or two before the meaning of the words sank in. When they did, he took a few steps backwards and said in horror, "Paralyzed?"

His legs bumped the edge of the couch and he sat down hard on the cushion. Julia immediately settled beside him and put a comforting hand on his back. David took a few shallow breaths, then looked at the Colonel with desperate eyes.

"How bad are we talking? Legs, arms? Was it a crash or was he shot?"

Sam swallowed hard. This was so difficult. She could feel David Sheppard's pain. She knew John well and respected the hell out of him. Thinking of John in this situation was unbearable. But she had a job to do.

"John was infected with a neurotoxin that caused complete paralysis. Right now he's not even breathing on his own. I'm sorry."

David looked around the room, shaking his head, not really knowing what he should do or say. "What do the doctors say? He is being treated in a hospital?"

"He's got an excellent team working on him right now," Sam reassured him. "I'm actually heading out tomorrow morning to oversee his transfer back home; for treatment and possible rehabilitation."

David shook off the stupor that was threatening to overwhelm him and got his mind back in gear. "What exactly are the Air Force's plans for my brother?"

"When he's stable enough to move, he'll come back to the States and attempt rehabilitation at one of the VA hospitals," Sam said.

"What do you mean _attempt_?" Dave wanted clarified.

"John received a highly concentrated dose of the neurotoxin which caused not only muscle paralysis but affected his respiratory system as well," Sam began. "Because of this higher dose, they know they can't reverse the affects. But they're uncertain if the paralysis is permanent or not. If it's not permanent, they believe he'll need extensive rehabilitation. If it is…" Sam trailed off not even wanting to think of that option."

"He'll have to learn to live that way," David finished.

He got up and walked around the room trying to wrap his head around everything this woman had said. His mind was going a mile a minute figuring out the best plan of action for all involved. His eyes fell on the picture Teyla had sent him last year. He picked it up and a grim smile appeared on his face.

"This was last year in San Francisco. We just met for lunch and we ended up playing football in the park."

Sam looked closer at the picture and smiled at the two grown men half-lying on the ground with a Nerf football between them.

"Being sedentary is not John's way," David pointed out.

"I know," Sam agreed. "John's a man of action. It's what makes him so good at his job. He doesn't wait around for someone else to do something, he just does it." Sam gave a small chuckle, "Of course, it gets him into trouble sometimes, too."

David looked at her curiously. "You know John personally?"

Sam nodded. "I was his CO a few years back, for about a year. I've worked with him a few other times as well. He's an amazing man, your brother."

David knew what he had to do, so he looked at Carter and said," I want to go with you."

"With me?" she repeated. "That's not possible. When I bring him back…"

"No!" David interrupted. "I _need_ to go with you. I _need_ to see my brother."

When Sam was about to refuse again, David stopped her. "Wait, you said yourself that John's not even breathing on his own. So what guarantee can you give me that my brother will even live long enough to _make_ it home?"

"I can't," Sam admitted. "The truth is his heart's already stopped once. They managed to get it started again, but the concern now is that other vital organs will start to fail. I'm sorry, Mr. Sheppard, I have no guarantees. But I still can't take you with me."

"Can't or won't?" David demanded, raising his voice. Julia stood beside him offering whatever comfort she could. "You come here and tell me my brother could be dying, but you won't allow me to see him. You know, Colonel, my brother and I barely spoke to each other for a lot of years. But now, now we are, whenever we can, if only through e-mails. I can't take the chance of him dying, not knowing how much he means to me. You have to understand that."

"I'm sure he knows how you feel, Mr. Sheppard."

"No! No he doesn't!" David shook his head vehemently. "We Sheppard men aren't real good at sharing our emotions or feelings. Our father died with a whole belly-full of regret for not making amends with John. I don't care how dangerous or top-secret this place is. I'll do whatever it takes, but please," David's voice softened as he requested, "Please, you've got to let me tell him… tell him…" his voice trailed off.

Sam gave a half chuckle. "Yeah, you guys do really suck at this whole emotion thing."

David's head shot up and he glared at her indignantly. She held up her hand to stop the tirade she figured was coming. "You've convinced me."

"I have?" surprise tinged his words.

"Yes," she answered, "But you'll have to sign a non-disclosure agreement. And we leave from Peterson Air Force Base no later than oh-eight hundred tomorrow morning."

"Agreed."

"It's a pretty long trip, plus spending a few days there. Don't expect to be back in under a week," Sam informed him. "Can you make your way to Peterson or do you want to catch a ride with me? I leave in an hour."

"I need to settle some things here first and then pack," David said. "I'll get myself there. And I've been thinking, optimistically. I want John to have the absolute best care when he gets back. And no offense to the military, but a VA hospital is probably not going to get him back on his feet as quickly as he'll want to. I have a friend on the board of a local rehab center with an impeccable reputation. I want to arrange for John to be sent there."

Sam stopped him. "The government won't pay…"

"I don't expect them to," Dave cut in. "But I want John to have a private room and all the therapy he needs on a daily basis; not when they _get around_ to him."

"I understand. We can figure that out when the time comes."

"Okay, so Peterson Air Force Base, eight a.m. tomorrow," David confirmed.

"I'll let them know to expect you," Sam said. She put her hand out and shook David's. "I'll see you tomorrow." She nodded at Julia and left the office.

Mrs. Tucker popped her head in a second later. "Mr. Sheppard? John?" she asked anxiously.

David gave a huge sigh. "He's in bad shape. I'm going to get him and bring him home. I need you to get all the department heads into the Conference Room in ten minutes. And I need Roy Stanton on the phone, now."

Mrs. Tucker nodded and left. David turned around and saw Julia standing there. "Oh, God!" he remembered, "Tonight!"

Julia's face turned stern. "Don't you even think I would stop you," she reprimanded. Her face softened and she reached up to touch his cheek. "You go, get your brother. What can I do for you? Can I start packing while you deal with the business end of things?"

"You are amazing, you know that?" David exhaled. "Yes, packing would be great!" He drew Julia in for a kiss then accepted the embrace she offered. She pulled away as his intercom buzzed and Mrs. Tucker informed him, "Mr. Stanton's on line three, Mr. Sheppard."

"I'll see you at home," Julia said as she walked out of the room.

David moved around the desk and picked up the phone. "Roy, thanks for taking my call. I need a real big favor. I'm going to need a private room at the Meadowgreen Rehab Center starting probably next week. Round the clock nursing care and just about every therapy you can imagine on a daily basis. I'll give you more details as I know them."

David listened to the question on the other end and replied, "The patient's name is Colonel John Sheppard."

.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox

.

"We must be quiet now, Torren," Teyla cautioned her son as she carried him into the infirmary. "Remember, I told you Uncle John is not well."

"Unta Dohn, boo-boo?" Torren said sadly.

"Yes," Teyla said as she hugged her son tightly against her and kissed his soft cheek.

Ronon moved the front legs of his chair back to the floor as they came in. "Hey," he greeted them.

"Any change at all?" Teyla asked hopefully.

Ronon just shook his head. "Doc says he's not getting any worse though. But she's worried cause his heartbeat and circulation aren't what they should be. I don't know what any of it means."

Teyla looked like she was about to say something then closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Torren wiggled in her arms and she placed him carefully next to John on the bed.

"He refused to go to sleep until I brought him to see John," Teyla explained.

Torren kneeled next to John's hip and pointed to the bandages that could be seen poking out of the top of his scrubs.

"Mama, I tiss his boo-boo?" Torren sounded anxious.

Teyla nodded and Torren placed his hands on John's arm and chest and leaned down to place his lips on John's shoulder. Teyla looked at Ronon and said, "I did not have the heart to tell him that John's boo-boo was not the kind you can heal with a kiss."

Ronon just shrugged. "It's not gonna hurt him. And you know Sheppard; he'd play along with Torren in anything if it would make the kid happy."

Teyla looked back at her son and realized he had tucked himself between John's arm and side and was resting his head on John's chest. His blanket was held to his face, his thumb was in his mouth and his eyes were starting to close.

Ronon chuckled, "Even unconscious, Sheppard can still get the kid to sleep faster than anyone else."

Teyla felt she should laugh as well but her throat got tight and her eyes started to mist.

"John has been injured before. I do not know why this time I am having a harder time controlling my emotions," Teyla said, almost disgusted with herself.

"We've never really seen Sheppard this bad," Ronon pointed out. "Not since the retro-virus bug thing."

Teyla nodded and Ronon continued, "and that was years ago. I think your feelings for Sheppard have grown and changed a bit since then."

"Perhaps," Teyla agreed.

Jennifer entered the room with a confused look on her face. "Did either one of you just do something different in here?"

Both gave negative head shakes and Teyla asked, "Is something wrong?"

Jennifer moved closer to the bed saying, "The Colonel's heart rate just picked up a bit.

Oh!" Jennifer exclaimed when she saw Torren snuggled next to John. "I wonder if that has anything to do with it."

Teyla immediately moved to the bed and reached for her son. "I did not think it would hurt anything." Her voice was panicked.

Jennifer stopped her right away. "No, no, leave him there. We _want_ his heart rate to pick up. He's bordering on the brink of Bradycardia right now."

Jennifer looked thoughtful. "Unconscious people can still sense the world around them. It's actually helpful to talk to patients even if they aren't awake. It's possible that Colonel Sheppard feels Torren's presence and his heart beat is responding accordingly."

"Would it be beneficial to leave him there?" Teyla asked. "I was only planning to let Torren see John for a minute so he would finally go to sleep."

"And he did!" Ronon added.

"Yes, but I did not plan for him to spend the night. If it will increase John's chances, I will allow it."

"You need some sleep, too, Teyla. You hardly got any last night," Jennifer admonished.

"I rested some today while Torren was in the child care room. You need not worry about me. I will need to stay here to make sure Torren does not fall off the bed."

"Actually," Jennifer suggested, "we can just pull up the side rails," she did this on the side Torren was sleeping on, "and he'll be as safe as in a crib."

"And then you," she added to Teyla, "may take the empty bed behind you if you insist on staying here most of the night again."

Teyla looked from John's bed to the one next to it and said, "I may take you up on your suggestion."

Ronon got up and moved to the end of John's bed. "If you're gonna be here for him, I think I'll go and see if I can find a few Marines to spar with. I've been sitting too much the last few days."

"Yes, of course, Ronon," Teyla agreed. "You should go. You have spent as much time here as anyone."

Ronon tapped John's foot and instructed, "Snap out of it, Sheppard! We need you around here!" He tipped his head to the two women and left.

Jenifer set about checking John's vitals and unsnapped the shoulder of his top to change the bandages. As she did that, Teyla rubbed her hand down Torren's back and moved John's blanket to cover her son as well. She then sat down and drew John's hand into hers. Concern immediately filled her.

"Jennifer, his hands are like ice! Why is this?"

Jennifer continued to change his bandages while she answered. "The toxin is causing his heart to beat slower which in turns makes his blood pump slower. The slower circulation is causing his extremities to be cold."

"Is there nothing that can be done about it?" Teyla queried.

"I'm hesitant about giving him anymore drugs. I don't know how they'll react to the toxin that's already in his body."

She finished dressing the wound and moved to John's other side. She picked up his arm and started briskly rubbing it from hand to shoulder, being careful not to disturb the IV.

"If you want to help, you can massage his limbs like this. It will help the circulation and maybe keep the muscles from starting to atrophy."

"Massage his arms?" Teyla questioned.

"Arms, legs, neck, shoulders, anyplace you feel comfortable doing it," Jennifer suggested. "I'd stay and help but there was an explosion in one of the labs today and I've got two burn victims to deal with. He's all hooked up, so if anything happens, we'll know it out there."

Jennifer took one last look at John with Torren tucked in close, smiled and left the room.

Teyla picked up the hand in front of her and started briskly rubbing and massaging the muscles. Her left wrist was still a bit tender, but if it would help John, she would endure the discomfort.

After several minutes, John's fingers began to warm up. Teyla put his arm so that it held Torren in close and moved to the foot of the bed. She lifted the covers and touched John's foot. It was also like ice. She moved to the shelf behind her, remembering she had seen a pair of socks there. She took them and quickly put them on John's frigid feet. She then rubbed her hands vigorously, until they too, defrosted.

She moved her hand around his ankle and then pushed the loose pant leg up so she could begin to massage his calf. A small part of her mind started to insist that she liked this too much. She pushed the thought aside and moved her hands up John's leg to his thigh. As her fingers touched the well defined muscle, she remembered Jennifer's words that she only do what she was comfortable doing. As her own heartbeat increased, she realized _comfortable_ was not the word she would use in this situation.

But her mind argued that this could possibly help John get better. And that was worth it. She would do anything for John, as she knew he would for her. Her hands moved through the course hair of his thigh and she felt relief when his skin began to go from cool to warm. She pulled the pant leg down and moved over to his other leg to begin the routine again.

Arms and legs done, Teyla wondered what else should be done. He had a tube inserted in his throat, so she avoided that area and wished she could reach his lungs to massage that part of him back to functioning.

She decided to do the uninjured shoulder and then moved to his sides and chest. Or as much as she could do with Torren resting on part of it. When she was done, she checked the covers around Torren and John, and then lowered herself onto the next bed beside them.

.

.

xoxoxooxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox

.

"So, if we're all here, who's with Sheppard right now?" Ronon asked Teyla as they deposited their lunch trays on an outside table.

"I believe Major Lorne said he would sit with him until I am done with my meal. Is that correct, Rodney?"

"Huh?" Rodney looked up with a mouthful of food. He quickly chewed it and said, "Yeah, Lorne. Jennifer said it should be fine for us to take a small break. Something about his color and circulation being better this morning."

Teyla hoped his circulation had improved after last night. She had woken up almost hourly and massaged John's motionless limbs and muscles. Torren had slept soundly through it all and had only woken when Rodney had come to take his turn sitting with John.

Rodney stopped eating for a second and looked thoughtful. So," he began, "what do you think will happen to John if this paralysis thing ends up being permanent?"

"Oh, Rodney!" Teyla admonished, "I do not even dare think of these things."

"I'm just saying, cause we all know John hates to spend any time at all in the infirmary, but if he can't move…" Rodney left the thought dangling in the air.

"I'd want someone to kill me!" Ronon claimed.

"Ronon!" Teyla scolded.

"No, think about it," he said. "The alternative is lying in a bed for the rest of your life while people feed you and bathe you and make all your decisions for you. And Sheppard can't even speak for himself which makes it a hundred times worse."

Teyla felt her eyes prick with tears yet again. She noticed Rodney had grown quiet but not because he had food in his mouth.

"Rodney? What is it?" Teyla asked quietly.

There was torment in his eyes. "Remember Sheppard was saying a few things by blinking Morse Code the other day?" At Teyla and Ronon's nods, he continued, "Well, while he was still conscious he asked me to do something. I thought he was joking at the time, but now, I wonder."

"What did he ask of you, Rodney?"

Rodney looked distinctly uncomfortable. "He…uh… told me to…shoot him." The pain in Rodney's face got darker.

Ronon responded, "He wasn't kidding. I would have asked the same thing."

"That is not an acceptable solution to this problem!" Teyla chastised them.

"What other option is there?" Ronon demanded gruffly. "I could never lie around, completely unable to move and I know Sheppard couldn't handle it either. If the time comes, I'll make sure he doesn't have to!"

McKay's eyes were concerned, but Teyla's were livid. "You have _no _right to make that decision for him! And it will not be necessary anyway. John _will_ recover, you will see!"

Teyla stood up, grabbed her still full tray and marched away.

"I hope she's right," Rodney muttered.

Ronon looked at the amount of food still on his tray and said, "Me, too!"

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

.

"Mama, we see Unta Dohn aden?" Torren asked as Teyla walked into the child care room.

She bent down to her son and responded, "Perhaps. We must get you some food first and then a bath."

Aleeah walked over to Teyla and said, "He has spoken of his Uncle John on numerous occasions today. Has the Colonel's condition improved any?"

Teyla sighed. "He is still not breathing on his own; however, Dr. Keller believes his color and circulation are improving. Hopefully that is a good sign."

Aleeah watched as Torren walked over to get his bag. "Torren appears distressed at times and asks to see the Colonel. It pains me to tell him he cannot."

Teyla just nodded. "John has become very important to him."

"Yes," Aleeah agreed, "It is important for a boy to have a male figure in his life. It is a shame that Kanaan was unable to fulfill that role."

Teyla looked distinctly uncomfortable. "Kanaan has not adjusted well to living in the city."

"That is a _convenient_ excuse," Aleeah said. "We all lived in this city for several months before we first moved to the mainland and then to New Athos. There were no surprises here. Kanaan was simply not ready for the responsibilities he should have taken in regard to you and his son."

"I did not realize you felt this way," Teyla revealed.

"You need not worry about any decisions you make regarding your family," Aleeah confided. "Many feel as I do."

"You are a good friend, Aleeah," Teyla said and leaned over to take Torren's bag. He pulled it back and attempted to put it on.

"No, Mama!" he complained. "I tarry it!"

Aleeah chuckled. "The Colonel thought Torren was big enough to carry it himself."

Teyla nodded in understanding. She reached down to help Torren into the backpack when she heard over her comm., "Teyla, it's Jennifer. I need you in the infirmary as soon as you can get here."

Her eyes grew wide in fear and she said, "I am on my way."

She looked at Aleeah, "I am needed in the infirmary, immediately."

"Go!" Aleeah ordered. "I will feed Torren and watch him until you return. Do not worry how long it will take. He will be fine."

Teyla kissed her son's head and fled out the door, her heart ripped in two as she heard her son's cries of, "Mama!"

Within minutes, Teyla was sprinting toward the infirmary door and almost collided with Rodney who was headed in the same direction.

"Jennifer just called me," Rodney said.

Teyla replied, "Yes, myself as well."

Neither one spoke their fears on why they had been summoned so quickly. As they walked into the room, they saw Jennifer leaning over the bed and Ronon's back blocking their view of the patient.

"What has happened?" Teyla breathed out as they moved toward the bed. Ronon took a few steps to the side and they saw John still in bed, but the dreaded tube was gone, replaced by an oxygen mask.

When they reached his bed, they noticed his eyes were open, barely, but they were open.

"John!" Teyla cried, immense relief loosening the bonds that had been tightly wrapped around her heart for the last few days.

"It's about time, Sheppard!" Rodney complained, although relief was clearly evident in his voice as well. "Some of us have important work to do and can't sit around here babysitting you all day."

John's eyes opened slightly wider for a second then closed completely.

"John?" Rodney gulped. "I was just kidding, you know that, right?"

Jennifer put her hand on Rodney's arm and assured him, "His body has been through a lot the past few days. He'll probably float in and out of consciousness for a while. But he's breathing on his own and that's a really good thing."

"But…" Rodney pointed to the oxygen mask on his friend's face.

"It's just to make it easier for him to get the oxygen. But his lungs are working again, on their own"

Teyla moved to her usual position and wrapped her hands around John's. "When did this happen?"

"Just a few minutes before I called you," Jennifer informed them. "Ronon noticed first and once we got the tube out, I contacted you."

"So what does this mean for Sheppard now?" Ronon asked. "He's still paralyzed, right?"

Teyla shot him a dirty look but quickly looked back to Jennifer for her answer.

"It's still too soon to tell. But…" she paused here, "we were able to counteract the paralytic effects of the toxin on his lungs by forcing them to work with the ventilator. So, there's a good possibility we can get his other muscles moving again as well."

"What will this entail?" Teyla questioned.

"Lots of physical therapy and occupational therapy and a host of other services."

"But we can do that, can't we?" Rodney asked.

"Actually," Jennifer began, "we really can't. And I've been meaning to tell you, but the time never seemed right."

"What?" demanded Ronon.

"Mr. Woolsey told me this morning that the Air Force has decided to send Colonel Sheppard back to Earth as soon as he's stable enough to move."

"What?" Rodney bellowed. "They can't do that. He's your patient and you're going to make him better, right?"

"That's sweet, Rodney, really and I appreciate the vote of confidence," Jennifer admitted, "But the truth is, there's no quick fix for this one. People have been sent back to Earth for far less injuries."

"But, but…" Rodney tried again.

Jennifer continued, "We still don't know if the paralysis is permanent. If it is, he can't stay here, he'd need special accommodations. And even if it's _not_ permanent, it'll take a long time to get him back to where he was. For that, he'll need a full rehabilitation center with a variety of specialists and certified therapist, not to mention quite a bit of equipment. We just don't have that here."

"So," Ronon nodded his head in John's direction. "What's your best guess?"

Jennifer shook her head. "I'm really not sure. But knowing Colonel Sheppard, if there's any way he _can_ get moving again, he _will_!"

Teyla, Ronon and Rodney looked at each other and saw hope reflected in their teammates' eyes.

"Dr. Keller, you sent word that you wanted to speak with me." Richard Woolsey stated as he joined the crowd in John's room. "What did you… oh!" He stopped short as he got in sight of the bed. "Colonel, you're awake. Wonderful!"

All eyes turned back to John and saw his eyes were open again, although still not much bigger than slits.

"Is this what you wanted to tell me?" Woolsey asked.

"Yes," Jennifer answered, "I figured you'd want to know."

"Of course, of course, this is great news. And perfect timing. Someone from the SGC should be arriving sometime tomorrow to check on the Colonel's condition and make arrangements to bring him back."

"Tomorrow? So soon?" agonized Teyla.

"Well, they won't be leaving with him tomorrow. Dr. Keller will have the final say on when the Colonel's actually stable enough to move." Woolsey looked around at the group gathered around Sheppard's bed.

"Well, okay, I'll leave you to your little reunion. Colonel," he nodded at Sheppard and left the room.

The silence in the room was heavy for a few moments as everyone absorbed what Woolsey had just said. Teyla looked down to see what John's reaction was to the news but his eyes were closed again. She wondered if he was truly sleeping or using his condition to hide.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

"I don't mean to question you, Colonel," David Sheppard addressed Samantha Carter, "but shouldn't we be on a plane heading overseas instead of in some mountain taking an elevator _down_?"

"I know it seems confusing, Mr. Sheppard," Sam explained, "but this really is the quickest way to reach John."

"If you say so," Dave said doubtfully. "Now that I've signed the non-disclosure agreement, do you mind sharing the location of my brother? It'd be nice to know where I'm actually going."

Sam made a small face and told him, "It'll be a lot easier to just show you. Believe me."

"Right," Dave grumbled. "Thirty stories below a mountain. What, do you go through a hole in the center of the Earth?"

Sam smirked. "Not exactly. You'll see. We're just about there."

The elevator stopped and Dave followed Carter down a few corridors and finally ended up in a large room filled with electronic equipment and people in military uniforms. Two gray haired men wearing General's stars approached as they entered the room.

Sam's eyes lit up when she saw them and said, "Ja… uh, General, I didn't know you were here."

"Carter," O'Neill greeted. "Hank here needed a hand with a few things, so I just flew in this morning.

"It's good to see you, Sir." Sam continued to smile then looked back at Dave. "Mr. Sheppard, this is General O'Neill and General Landry. Generals, David Sheppard."

Dave shook their hands and then Landry pointed a thumb at him and said, "So is this one as big a pain in the ass as his brother?"

"Now, Hank," O'Neill objected, "That pain in the ass has saved _my_ ass a few times. Let's be kind."

"Okay," Landry snickered and Dave realized that the man was just joking about John. Wasn't he?

"So have you told him the big secret, yet?" O'Neill said excitedly.

"Jack, you're like a kid in a candy store," Landry chuckled, shaking his head.

O'Neill nodded, "I _do_ like candy, you know."

"I was just about to show him," Sam jumped in. "Mr. Sheppard, come on over here and I'll show you how we're going to get to where John is."

Dave followed her across the room to a large window with a variety of consoles in front of it. Dave looked through it and saw a huge metal ring at the end of a ramp, right in the middle of the room.

"What the heck is that?" he asked shocked.

"Pretty cool, huh?" O'Neill said from behind him.

"Jack!" Landry chastised.

"We call it a Stargate," Sam explained. "Essentially it creates a wormhole between _it_ and any other Stargate in the galaxy."

"Galaxy?" Dave sputtered. "This …Stargate goes to … wait, are you telling me …John … is on another … planet?"

Sam's head bobbed up and down. "Yes." She gave Dave a brief rundown of the Ancients and how the Stargates work. She then told him of the expedition from six years ago of approximately one hundred military and scientists who set out to hopefully find the city of Atlantis in the Pegasus Galaxy.

"And John's in this Atlantis, _**the**_ Atlantis, in a different galaxy?" Dave remained stunned.

"He was on the original expedition team." Sam supplied.

"John was _chosen_ to be on this team? Even after his little fiasco in Afghanistan?"

O'Neill chuckled, "That's where the whole saving-my-ass thing comes in. Your brother's an outstanding pilot. And his oversized ATA gene didn't hurt."

"His ATA what?" asked Dave confused.

Sam gave a few more details of the Ancients history here on Earth and back in the Pegasus Galaxy, explaining how they had designed their technology so it would only work for people with their genetic make-up, or their descendents.

"So, you're saying John's descended from these Ancients and has this gene thing?" Dave clarified.

"John's got the strongest gene we've come across so far," Sam said.

"Although," O'Neill put his finger up in the air, "We've never actually tested Sheppard's gene against mine." He looked thoughtful. "We _could _do that, you know. Once he's feeling better, of course."

Landry just chuckled, "You don't have better things to do, Jack?"

O'Neill just shrugged then snapped his fingers and pointed at Dave. "You're his brother. Bet you've got a pretty good one, too."

Ho looked at Sam. "Ten bucks says McKay will find a way to test Mr. Sheppard's gene within the first … mmm … first hour."

"I'm not taking that bet, Sir, sorry." Sam laughed. "But we should think about getting ready to go."

Dave looked at the big metal ring again. "We're taking _tha_t to another galaxy?"

"Actually, no," Sam clarified. "We don't have enough power to gate straight to Pegasus. We'll be gating to a Mid-Way Station in the expanse between the Milky Way and Pegasus. We'll need to stay there for a twelve hour quarantine and then we take another gate to Atlantis."

"Twelve hours?" Dave looked dismayed.

"I know it seems like a long time, but it used to be twenty-four hours before we enacted some safer protocols and screenings. We can get information from both Earth and Atlantis there and if John takes a turn for the worse, we can be in Atlantis in less than a minute."

Dave seemed somewhat pacified by this but was still impatient. "Okay, when do we leave?"

Sam picked up a bag she had left by the door and responded, "We can go right now."

Landry addressed the man sitting at the console in front of the big window. "Walter, dial it up!"

"Yes, Sir!" Walter replied and began a sequence using terminology that made no sense to Dave whatsoever. He was going through a wormhole to another planet, heck another galaxy, to see his brother who apparently had been living there for the last six years. No wonder he never returned phone calls.

Landry and O'Neill walked them into the gate room and David's eyes nearly popped out of his head when he saw the huge 'splash' of water come out of the ring and then settle into a shimmering pool inside the circle.

O'Neill was saying goodbye. "Remember, Carter, this is only a visit. Don't go thinking you can stay!"

"Spoilsport!" Carter chuckled.

"Go get Sheppard," ordered Landry. "Dr. Lam will be ready for him whenever he can be safely moved. Good Luck!"

"Thank you, Sir," said Sam and looked at David. "Are you ready?"

"As I'll ever be," Dave replied and followed Colonel Carter through the round sea of blue.

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	4. Chapter 4

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John could feel warm hands moving briskly over his calf and thighs. It felt good to have movement on his motionless limbs even if it wasn't his own. He knew he should probably open his eyes and find out who was doing this but he was enjoying the sensation too much. He knew if he found out it was one of the male doctors, the pleasure he was getting would diminish significantly.

But the hands felt too soft for a guy. Then the massage stopped and John felt compelled to open them. He forced the heavy lids up and was more than relieved to see Teyla pulling the covers down and tucking them in around his feet. He should have known it would be her. He'd been drifting in and out of consciousness for a while, and only remembered snippets of each bout of wakefulness, but Teyla was almost always there. Sometimes alone, sometimes with Rodney, Ronon, Jennifer or even Torren. He seemed to recall at one point every one of them, including Woolsey, had been standing there. He remembered an oxygen mask at one point, too, but that was no longer present.

Teyla moved toward the head of the bed and her hands descended on his shoulder. She stopped when she noticed his eyes were open. Her eyes brightened and a warm smile grew on her face as she gently said, "Hello, John. It is good to see you awake again. Will you stay with us a while this time," she chuckled, "or is it only another brief visit?"

She smiled again obviously not expecting him to answer. If it were up to him he'd stay awake, but his traitorous body kept slipping back into oblivion. He supposed it wasn't a bad thing when he was unconscious because then he didn't have to think about the fact that he was still unable to move.

Teyla's eyebrow lifted in query. "I have been massaging your muscles. Jennifer says it will help your circulation to improve and perhaps keep your muscles from decaying. I was about to start on your shoulders and neck but I will stop if you so desire. Do you wish for me to stop?"

John blinked twice.

"I will continue then. I will try to avoid your wound. If you feel any discomfort, close your eyes several times, I will keep checking."

Teyla's hands moved gently over John's neck and shoulders wanting to knead this area now that the tracheal tube had been removed. John closed his eyes and enjoyed the sensation of Teyla's soft hands moving over his skin. When her hands stopped, he opened his eyes again.

Her smile was firmly in place as she said, "I can do your back also, but I must reach around you."

John blinked once.

"Very well," Teyla replied and rested her hip next to John's on the bed. She leaned forward and slid her arms around John and under his top. Her fingers started moving in a circular motion on his lower back from his sides and then into the middle of his back, then out again a bit higher. The higher on his back she massaged, the closer her torso got to his until her head was practically lying on his chest.

John wished she would never stop. He also wished he could lift his arms and wrap them firmly around Teyla. The feeling was so nice, a soft hum escaped from his throat.

"Mmmmmmmm" John heard the sound and thought, _Oh crap! Did I just do that out loud? Wait a minute; I just did that out loud!_

He tried again just to be sure. "Mmmmmmm." His eyes popped open and any vestiges of sleep were swiftly wiped away. "Mmmmmmmm."

Teyla paused in her ministration as she heard the purr from John's throat. As it sounded again, Teyla leaned back concerned something was wrong, especially when she saw John's eyes so wide. The hum sounded a third time and the excitement in his eyes forced her to realize that he was actually making a sound.

"John!" Teyla exclaimed. "That sound is coming from you. You are producing this sound on purpose?"

John blinked yes. He wanted to try some more but his mouth was unbelievably dry. Teyla saw the tip of his tongue make a feeble attempt at wetting his lips.

"Are you thirsty? Do you need water?"

At John's one blink, Teyla turned and ran into Jennifer standing in the doorway.

.

Jennifer had been finishing up paper work and was hoping to actually sleep in her own bed tonight. It was just about midnight so she took one last look at the row of monitors in front of her, seeing the heart rates of the three patients she had there. Colonel Sheppard's rate was a bit elevated, although certainly nothing to be too alarmed about. Still, she figured she'd check it out before she left him in the capable hands of Dr. Arlen.

She moved quietly toward the door and saw Teyla with her arms wrapped around Colonel Sheppard. She was surprised at first, then realized Teyla was giving him a massage and was trying to reach his back. Of course, she was practically lying on top of him to do it. Jennifer stifled the chuckle that threatened to emerge. No wonder the Colonel's heart rate was a bit fast. Jennifer certainly wasn't going to interfere with this treatment. She was just about to head back through the door when she heard a sort of hum from Sheppard. She paused and heard him do it again. She watched his eyes grow excited as he made the sound yet a third time. As Teyla turned toward her in an attempt to get water, Jennifer stepped forward.

"Ice chips would be better. I'm not sure his throat muscles could handle drinking anything right now. I'll get them. You stay with the Colonel."

John watched Teyla come back to his side and within seconds Keller approached, too, with a small cup and spoon in her hands.

"Only a small amount to start with, Colonel," Jennifer instructed. "Just let them melt in your mouth and slide down your throat. There's less chance of you choking on them then."

John felt the cool moisture on his lips, his tongue and find its way down his throat. "Mmmmmmmm." Okay, he could do humming. _Well, maybe one note of humming._

Teyla and Jennifer were both beaming at him. He wondered if there were maybe more sounds he could make. He concentrated and tried to make a 't' sound but that didn't work too well so he started at the beginning of the alphabet and worked his way through. There were a few that were easy enough; sounds that required very little movement of his teeth, lips or tongue. 'f' and 'v' sounded similar. Soft sounds like 'j' and 'h' worked okay, but many sounds he found, just wouldn't come out.

Jennifer chuckled when she realized what he was doing. Teyla looked at her questioningly. "He's going through the alphabet, seeing what sounds he can make. Nice going, Colonel. I knew you wouldn't give up."

"Thank you, Jennifer." Teyla appreciated her confidence in John's determination to get well.

.

Jennifer left the room and John continued practicing the few sounds he could make. He knew he sounded like an idiot, but it was only Teyla. Yes, her opinion meant more to him than almost anyone else. But she had seen him at his worst, his mutated, bug-faced, retro-virus infected worst. Babbling a few sounds shouldn't scare her off too much.

After a while of humming and hissing as many sounds as he could, John's throat was dry again. _Oh, great! How am I going to tell her this?_

His eyes flicked to where Jennifer had left the cup of ice and attempted a vowel with the consonant. "Uuuu … ssss," hissed out of John's mouth.

At Teyla's confused look, he tried again. "Uuuuuuu … ssssssss."

He just couldn't get the vowel correct. It didn't matter. Teyla figured it out and spooned another scoop of ice into his mouth.

"Maybe you should try and rest for a bit. You will not be able to regain your speech in one night."

John wanted to disagree, but couldn't. He closed his eyes to rest, then opened them again as Teyla sat in a chair by his side holding is hand. He could always count on her to be by his side. Unfortunately it didn't seem like he was going to be able to repay the favor any time soon.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

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John opened his eyes again, wondering about the weight on his chest. He looked down and saw a mass of chestnut hair resting there. Teyla must have fallen asleep during one of her massage sessions. As much as he enjoyed them, he knew she needed to get some rest. She'd get run down and end up sick herself. He could feel her hands resting against the skin of his sides. It felt way too good! He figured he should wake her up and tell her to go get some real sleep.

_Oh, that's right, you can't move or talk!_

The pleasure of having Teyla so physically close was intoxicating. So intoxicating that, for a second, the thought that being paralyzed actually had some advantages passed through his mind. It only lasted a second when he realized what he _couldn't_ do with Teyla sunk in.

_What are you talking about? She's not yours and she never will be, so why are you deluding yourself even thinking that?_

It was a good thing Kanaan was away at the moment. John didn't imagine this scenario would play out too well if the man was here to see it.

John couldn't go back to sleep, not with Teyla where she was. It was okay though, he figured he'd probably slept a month worth just in the past few days.

John wasn't sure how much time went by, but he enjoyed every minute of it. He held his breath for a second when Teyla shifted slightly in her sleep, especially when her hand moved smoothly over his abdomen and up his chest. Her body had moved also and now John could feel the back of his hand resting against Teyla's skin. He couldn't really see where it was, but by her position it was in her mid-section. She always did have a thing for the short tops.

The feel of her bare skin against his hand was a teaser. He'd give anything to be able to explore it more. He felt her skin sliding back and forth against his knuckles but was confused when he saw that she wasn't actually moving. He concentrated on his hand and continued to feel the softness of Teyla's skin. Now he wanted Teyla to wake up to see if his fingers were actually moving or if he were just imagining things. As the sensation on his hand persisted, Teyla stirred again. This time she made a small sound almost like a purr, from her throat. John concentrated harder in the area of his hand and eventually Teyla raised her head. As she did, she realized both her hands were still under John's top.

Teyla opened her eyes and came fully awake when she became aware of her position resting on John's chest. She remembered allowing herself the pleasure of listening to his heartbeat while she finished rubbing his back. She must have lingered too long and the stress and fatigue of the last few days had taken over and the rhythm of John's heart had lulled her to sleep. She sat up, embarrassed by her transgression, but was even more flustered when she saw that John's eyes were open and trained on her.

"John, I am so sorry," Teyla said chagrined. "I did not mean to fall asleep. I must have been more tired than I thought."

John wanted to tell her it was fine. More than fine as he had quite enjoyed having her rest against him. He attempted to move his fingers again, hoping to get Teyla's attention.

Teyla changed position so she was sitting lightly on the edge of the bed but took John's hand in hers, yet again. As she held it, she felt a slight pressure on her own hand. She looked down and her eyes blinked several times as she saw John's first two fingers lift up slowly then lower again. Then they repeated the action. She looked at John for confirmation.

"You are making those fingers move, are you not?"

John blinked firmly one time then attempted, "Yyy …ee… ssssss."

Teyla's face crumpled and she covered her mouth with her hand as she let out a ragged breath. When she saw the terrified reaction in John's eyes, she clarified, "No, no, I am simply overwhelmed with relief. Jennifer said that if any of your muscles resumed functioning, there would be great hope for your complete recovery, eventually.

Teyla's eyes shone bright and a lone tear slid down her cheek. "You just spoke a word and you are moving some fingers. I believe that is a good sign."

Teyla leaned forward and rested her forehead against John's. John closed his eyes as well, feeling her relief flow into him.

She lifted her head and said, "Jennifer will want to know. " She looked at her watch. "However, it is barely morning. I will give her a bit more time to rest. She has hardly left the infirmary since you arrived here."

John moved his fingers to get Teyla's attention, then blinked once. He took a deep breath and then concentrated. He exhaled slightly then made a combination of sounds.

"Rrrrrr …eee … sssssss …tt." He tried again. "Rrr..e..sss..t."

A memory from his childhood flashed through his mind and he felt like Easy Reader from The Electric Company, sounding out words.

"Rest?" Teyla questioned. "You wish to rest?"

John blinked twice quickly then opened his eyes and stared intensely at Teyla. "You wish _me_ to get some rest?"

John blinked yes, then followed with, "Yy … ee … ssss … y ..e .. ss," and pressed his fingers into Teyla's hand as forcefully as he could.

"I do not wish to leave you and Rodney is not due for more than an hour."

John's eyes moved in the direction of the next bed. Teyla looked there and nodded, "I think that would be an acceptable solution."

She moved to sit on the bed and informed John with a twinkle in her eye, "If you need me, just call."

John blinked once and answered, "Yeessss." Hey, he was getting pretty good at that word. Maybe he needed to start working on the word 'no', after all, Rodney was due in just over an hour.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

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"Okay, try it one more time," Rodney told John as he tapped a few keys on a small electronic device. "It should work now."

John moved his finger on a touch pad in a sequence of short and long taps.

"Okay, it looks like it's working," Rodney commented. "You did spell out _Sheppard_, right?"

John tapped again and Rodney said, "Good!"

John had to admit this was a great idea that Rodney'd had. When he'd come in this morning and Teyla had told him about the sounds John had made and the movement of his fingers, Rodney had been thrilled. But then he'd started with the finger snapping and had pulled out his laptop and sat quietly for over an hour.

John didn't mind, it meant that he didn't have to feel uncomfortable that he couldn't talk. And it gave him time to see if he could move anything more than the first two fingers of his left hand. After an hour, he'd managed to get the third and fourth fingers to twitch and a slight movement in his right hand.

At that point, Rodney had disappeared for a while but sent a parade of others to keep him company. Zalenka had shown up and attempted a one-sided conversation until John had taken pity on the man and pretended to be asleep.

Lorne had shown up for just enough time to give him an update on general military business then went back to work. Amelia had brought Torren for a short visit, informing him that Teyla was getting some much needed rest. Torren had bounced about on his bed for a few minutes, kissed his shoulder again and allowed Amelia to lead him out for lunch.

When Rodney had finally come back, he informed John that he'd created a way for him to communicate. He'd rigged up a small touch pad with a laptop so that if Sheppard tapped Morse Code on the pad, it would translate onto the laptop screen in a font large enough for people to see from not too far away. So now they were testing it out.

"So, anything you want to tell me?" Rodney asked, looking at the screen for his answer.

I'M STARVING, John tapped

"Oh, uh …yeah," Rodney stuttered, "um, didn't Jennifer say you couldn't actually swallow anything, yet?"

YES BUT I'M STILL HUNGRY

"Sorry," Rodney apologized. He sat quietly for a few minutes then looked uncomfortably at John.

"I, um, want to apologize, also, for being kind of a jerk with the whole reporter thing. You called it. You said they'd be trouble."

NOT YOUR FAULT

"Well, I know I didn't actually cause your accident, but I didn't really support you when you didn't want to take them on a mission."

NOT YOUR FAULT, John tapped again.

"I know," Rodney acknowledged. "But I just got so carried away with my own quest for glory; I didn't see how some of them were acting. It's just that so many of my colleagues have published so much research, and they think I've done nothing. I guess I just wanted to make sure they knew I wasn't a has-been."

I UNDERSTAND

"You do, huh?" Rodney quipped then thought for a minute. "Yeah, actually I guess you do. You screwed up a few times back on Earth and everyone knew it. Now you've spent the past six years saving the galaxy and people still think you're a screw-up because you can't tell them otherwise."

THANKS FOR REMINDING ME

"No, no," Rodney shook his head. "I didn't mean that as a reminder, but it does point out the difference between you and me. I wanted them here so I could shove my brilliant discoveries down the throats of all the people who laughed at me. But you, you don't care what those people think. And you didn't throw your pride and values out the window just to prove a point."

Rodney fell silent for a moment and John didn't really have anything to say either.

Rodney looked over at John and sighed," You're a much better man than I am, John, and it shouldn't be you lying here in the bed. I'm pretty lazy and as long as someone was smart enough to be able to hook me up to a computer, I'd be fine. But you, you need to be moving or you go crazy."

As he said this, he recalled the words John had blinked at him earlier in the week.

"Uh, John, when you asked me to shoot you earlier this week, were you kidding?"

John paused for a second over the sudden change in topic. He tapped a finger, stopped, then tapped again.

MAYBE BUT YOU DON'T NEED TO WORRY ABOUT IT NOW

Rodney shook his head as relief filled his body. "Good, because I don't think I could do it. And we all know what a lousy shot I am. I'd probably miss your heart and shoot some non-vital part and you'd just lie here, bleeding to death. Although I suppose the ultimate goal there would be the same, just a lot more suffering and longer to die. But I should tell you, Ronon was more than willing to do it. And he's a much better shot than I am. If it ever comes up again, you'd better ask Ronon."

Rodney looked up horror stricken at what he'd just said. "Not that I want you to… you know …just …" he gave a big sigh then looked up quick again, "Oh, and don't tell Teyla, cause she flipped when Ronon said he'd … you know … do it."

GOTCHA

"Dr. McKay, Colonel," Woolsey greeted as he walked in. "Dr. Keller said you were rigging some sort of communications device. Is this it?'

Rodney went straight into scientist mode giving Woolsey a rundown of how he'd programmed the computer.

Woolsey interrupted him, "I just need to know if it works, Dr. McKay."

IT WORKS

McKay stood back so Woolsey could see the screen. His eyebrows rose.

"Excellent! How …?" he cut himself off, not wanting McKay to start a long, detailed explanation again.

Rodney got the hint, rolled his eyes and pointed to the touch pad under Sheppard's hand.

"Morse Code there," he then pointed to the laptop on the table next to the bed, "comes up here, translated."

"Amazing! Well done, Dr. McKay! Although I suppose it would be beneficial for the Colonel to take it with him."

TAKE IT WHERE

"To Earth, of course," Woolsey looked curiously at John. "I'm sure I told you someone from the SGC was coming to arrange your transportation back."

"Uh, I think he still may have been pretty out of it when you told us. He probably doesn't remember," Rodney told Woolsey.

"Oh, well then, Colonel, I'll tell you again. The Air Force has decided your injuries are too severe and your recuperation too long to stay here. They're sending you back to Earth for rehabilitation. Of course, at last contact you were still on a ventilator and hadn't gotten any movement back. So we still weren't sure if your paralysis was permanent. But Dr. Keller feels optimistic that the sounds you've been making and the beginning of movement in your hands is a good sign that you could eventually get back to your old self. In time, of course."

WHEN EARTH

"Oh, they should be arriving later today, although I'm not sure whom they're sending. As for when you'll be leaving, that will be entirely up to Dr. Keller."

Woolsey stood looking uncomfortable in the silence so turned to leave. "I'll, uh, let you know when they get here."

The room grew silent after he left. John's eyes were focused on a spot across the room and his breathing seemed to get a little heavier. After a few minutes, John's fingers started moving.

YOU KNEW

Rodney knew it wasn't a question. It was more of an accusation. He nodded but stayed silent. Another minute went by before John tapped again

TIRED

Rodney moved toward the chair at the end of the bed. "Okay, go ahead and sleep. I'll just work right here."

NO I'M FINE ALONE

Rodney was hesitant to leave John by himself right now. "You sure?"

GO

"I, uh, won't make any noise," Rodney promised, knowing John was not in a real positive frame of mind.

GO, John tapped again, then added, PLEASE

"Okay," McKay agreed. "But if you need anything, just tap in SOS and an alarm goes off."

John closed his eyes and let out a huge sigh. Leave it to McKay to have installed a panic button. Rodney left and John's fingers tapped out a whole string of profanity. He knew no one was there to read it and it certainly didn't make him feel any better, but it gave him something to do. Because he really wasn't tired.

As he thought this, a wave of fatigue washed over him. Or maybe it was despair. Earth! They were sending him back to Earth. He didn't know why that surprised him. They'd sent Bates back when he'd been attacked by the Wraith and Colonel Everett when he'd been partially fed upon. Johnson and Byers and a few others had been sent back for complications to broken limbs so they could get more intense physical therapy. What they provided here was basic. He was completely paralyzed and unable to talk. Of course they would send him back. The doctors in Atlantis were the best, but it wasn't a rehab center.

Despair rippled through John again. Atlantis had been his home for six years now. The people here were his family. The thought of some VA hospital with a bunch of strangers made him even more depressed. Was Everett still in one? With his luck, he'd end up bunking in the same room with him. Or someone like him.

There'd be no Rodney to bore him to sleep with techno babble, no silent Ronon standing guard, no Teyla with her enchanting smile and gentle hands and no T.J. bouncing on his bed, kissing his boo-boo.

At that last thought, John felt a physical pain deep in his chest. If Jennifer was accurate, it could be anywhere up to a year or more before he was fit for duty again. Torren was barely two. If John was away for a year, the kid would completely forget him.

Where was Ronon? Maybe he _would _get the Satedan to shoot him. It would be the merciful thing to do.

As John lay there wallowing, he heard voices heading in his direction. He was not in the mood for company so he simply closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep.

.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

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"Do we know whom they are sending?" Teyla asked Woolsey as they stood near the gate platform waiting for the person who would come take John back to Earth.

"No," Woolsey responded. "All we got was a time."

Woolsey had asked Teyla to greet the SGC member with him. She had been doing much more in the way of diplomatic duties recently and he had gotten used to her poise and professionalism by his side.

However, Teyla was feeling far from diplomatic right now. She wanted to tell whomever this person was, to just turn around and go back to Earth. They could _not_ have John Sheppard. He belonged here in Atlantis. Maybe more than anyone else did. He had been here since the initial expedition. He had risked his life on countless occasions defending this city and her inhabitants. And he truly was a descendent of the original denizens, the Ancients. The strength of his ATA gene proved it. His skill and expertise in dealing with the Wraith were unsurpassed and no one could do a better job than him.

But more than that, _Teyla_ needed him here. She needed him to read stories to her son. She needed his magic touch in getting Torren to sleep at night. She needed him because life without him would be unbearable.

The sound of the gate opening brought her back to the present. The shimmering pool rippled and two figures emerged. Teyla only noticed the first.

"Sam!" she cried and ran to embrace the tall woman wearing blue BDU's. "It is so wonderful to see you!"

"Teyla," Sam returned warmly, leaning into the embrace, "It's great to be back. I only wish it were under different circumstances."

"Yes," Teyla sighed.

"Colonel Carter," Woolsey greeted and got a nod and a "Mr. Woolsey," in return.

Teyla looked behind Sam at the man who had accompanied her. He was slowly turning around, taking in the enormity of the gate room, obviously his first time here, and a civilian if his clothes were any indication.

He finished his revolution and Teyla realized it was John's brother. "David!" she said, surprise in her voice.

"Teyla!" Dave returned the greeting with relief at seeing someone he knew. He grasped her hands and asked, "How is he? They said he wasn't breathing on his own."

Teyla squeezed his hands and reassured him with a smile. "He is much improved since then. He was taken off the ventilator last night and has been conscious for much of the day."

The sound of someone clearing their throat brought Teyla's head around. "Mr. Woolsey," Teyla began, still holding onto Dave's hand, "this is the Colonel's brother, David Sheppard."

The two men shook hands and greeted each other.

Sam looked stunned. "You two know each other?"

Yes," Teyla smiled. "We met last year in … San Francisco. He was kind enough to help John keep an eye on Torren for me while I was shopping with Jennifer and Amelia."

Sam nodded and then, as if on cue, Amelia walked down the stairs toward the group.

"Excuse me, Mr. Woolsey," she interrupted, "A message came through the gate for you from General Landry. I sent it to the computer in your office."

"Thank you, Amelia," said Woolsey, "I'll get to it in a moment."

Amelia replied, "Yes, Sir," then nodded at Dave. "Mr. Sheppard."

"Amelia," he greeted back and watched her walk up the stairs to what he assumed was the control room.

This was all so surreal. First, the Stargate Command Center, then the Mid-Way Station and now the mythical city of Atlantis itself. This room alone was amazing. He couldn't imagine what the rest of the place was like. But that would all have to wait. His first priority was John.

"Mr. Sheppard," Woolsey addressed him," "Welcome to Atlantis! Unfortunately I have matters I need to take care of, but Teyla here can show you and Colonel Carter to the guest quarters and you can make yourself comfortable." He motioned for one of the SO's to get their bags, then he walked up the stairs to his office.

Teyla looked curiously at Dave, "Would you like to get settled in the guest quarters first?"

"I want to see John." Dave stated bluntly.

Teyla smiled, "I thought as much. Sam, are you coming?"

Sam nodded and started walking next to Teyla.

Dave put a hand on Teyla's arm. "I was thinking that maybe I could stay in John's quarters, though."

Teyla nodded and gave the SO directions.

"Can we take the outside route to the infirmary?" Sam suggested. "I'd love to see the view. It only takes an extra minute," she explained to Dave.

He nodded his consent and followed the two ladies out of the gate room. Within seconds he was walking along a balcony overlooking the most extraordinary sight he'd ever seen. The city was a huge, architectural marvel. And it was just floating in the middle of a vast ocean. Dave had to shake his head a few times to make sure it was real.

As they entered inside again, Dave took one last look and remarked, "This place is unbelievable. John's been the Military CO of this place for six years?"

At their nods, he shook his head again in disbelief.

As they approached the infirmary door, Teyla stopped them. She put her hand on Dave's arm and questioned, "They told you that John is completely paralyzed, did they not?"

Dave nodded, "Colonel Carter told me. Do they know if it's permanent, yet?"

Teyla's face lit up at this and she announced, "Dr. Keller now believes it is not."

"Really?" Sam asked. "What makes her think that?"

Teyla answered, "Late last night John was able to vocalize a few sounds." She chuckled, "He spent quite a bit of time experimenting. Even so, he is unable to say anything yet, but it is a start."

"And the doctor feels this indicates his paralysis isn't permanent?" Dave clarified.

"That," Teyla continued, "and the fact that this morning he started moving several fingers on one hand."

"That's great," Sam sighed.

They were about to go in when Teyla saw Rodney sitting on a bench right inside the infirmary door.

"Rodney, I thought it was your turn to sit with John? Why are you out here and not with him?

"Cause he kicked me out," Rodney answered sullenly.

"What did you do?" Teyla demanded.

"I didn't …Sam?" Rodney got distracted, "you're the one they sent to come get John?'

"Yes," Sam said, "and this is …"

Rodney started snapping his fingers a few times and tried, "Uh, Dick, …Dan,… Don…"

"Dave!" came the reply from three separate directions.

"Right, Dave. I knew that. Sheppard's brother."

"Rodney," Teyla asked again, "What happened? Why did John ask you to leave?"

"It wasn't my fault, I swear," he promised.

"It wasn't!" he repeated when both Teyla and Sam looked doubtful.

"He was fine," Rodney explained, "complaining about being hungry and Jennifer not letting him eat anything."

"Sounds like you, McKay," Sam said.

Rodney just made a face and continued, "Anyway, then Woolsey showed up and told him he's being shipped back to Earth. He got all moody, said he was tired and to leave him alone."

"I thought you said he couldn't speak," Dave reminded them.

"Oh, he can't, not really," Rodney confirmed, "but I rigged up a touchpad and linked it to a laptop. John just taps in Morse Code and what he says pops up on the screen."

"That's a great idea, Rodney!" Sam congratulated.

"Yeah, it was pretty genius," McKay agreed.

Teyla was more concerned about John. "When did this happen?"

"Hour and a half, two hours ago." McKay shrugged. "Every time Jennifer's checked on him since then, he's been asleep."

"Or hiding," Teyla explained, "Whenever John is in the infirmary and does not wish to deal with something, he pretends he is asleep."

Rodney pointed his finger a few times. "He fell asleep on Zalenka this morning."

"I think you could legitimately fall asleep listening to Zalenka," Sam snickered.

"Maybe it would be best if I went in first," Teyla suggested, "just to ease the transition into seeing you."

Jennifer greeted them when they walked in. "Sam!" she exclaimed and the two women exchanged hugs. "And Mr. Sheppard, I didn't realize you were coming."

"David, please," he insisted. "And thank you for doing everything you possibly could to help John. It means a lot to me and I know John appreciates it, too."

Jennifer looked at the group and said, "I checked on him a few minutes ago and he was asleep."

Teyla closed her eyes and took a deep breath, paused for a moment then let it out. When she opened her eyes, she informed Jennifer, "I do not believe he is actually sleeping."

The secret grin on Jennifer's face told Teyla she knew exactly how she had figured this out.

"He is in the room in the back," Teyla said, "You may follow me, but wait by the door until I have had a chance to speak with him."

They watched Teyla as she walked to the far side of the bed. David could see his brother from here and his heart did a flip. John was lying very still with an IV and heart monitor attached. He could see bandages on John's neck disappearing into his top. His face looked pale and haggard and he was sporting a few days' growth of beard. David grinned, thinking about how much he used to tease his brother in high school for his lack of facial hair. Now, as an adult, it seemed he had an abundance.

He looked back to see Teyla sit on the edge of John's bed and take his hand in hers.

.

Teyla approached John's side and opened her mind to try and sense how he was feeling. She almost cried out at the turmoil she felt inside him. He was confused and upset and … scared. This was not an emotion she had seen often in John Sheppard.

Then he sensed her presence and was unsure whether to acknowledge it or continue to hide. Teyla sat down on the edge of the bed, took John's hand and made the decision for him.

"John, I am here if you need me," she told him plainly. His eyes opened showing gratitude for a split second, then became lost in sorrow. The fingers on his left hand started moving up and down and Teyla looked across the bed to the computer screen to see what he had written.

SENDING ME BACK TO EARTH

Teyla nodded and said, "I am aware and saddened by the news."

DON'T WANT TO GO

Teyla chuckled, "You sound like Torren at bedtime."

Instead of the humor she expected to see, John squeezed his eyes shut and inhaled deeply to let it out in a ragged breath. Teyla's alarmed eyes moved to the screen as John tapped.

HE'LL FORGET ME

Realizing the cause of his fear, Teyla put her hands on John's shoulders and moved her face closer to his. "I will _never_ allow that to happen," Teyla whispered furiously. "I promise you!"

John wasn't sure how Teyla did it, but she had such a calming effect on him. He felt a peacefulness wash over him as their foreheads touched in the Athosian custom.

Teyla straightened up and informed him, "You have a few visitors who wish to see you, if you feel up to it."

John knew it was someone from the SGC; he just wasn't sure whom they had sent. _I hope it's not Landry,_ John thought. He was pretty sure the guy didn't like him very much.

SGC, he tapped and Teyla nodded, first to him, then to someone standing by the door.

Because John still couldn't turn his head, he had to wait until the person came into view. When he saw who it was, he let out a sigh. Colonel Carter; not a bad choice if he had to make one. They'd had a pretty good working relationship while she'd been on Atlantis.

She smiled and said," Hi John. How are you?"

I'M PARALYZED HOW ARE YOU

Sam looked up horrified. "Oh! I didn't mean … I'm sorry! I didn't think…"

John tapped furiously. IT'S OK JUST SUCKY WEEK CAUSING BAD ATTITUDE

That got Sam to chuckle and shake her head. "You haven't changed, John." Her face grew serious. "I'm really sorry about what happened. But you know I came to take you back. I know you aren't happy about that."

DON'T SHOOT THE MESSENGER

"Thanks for understanding, John. Um, there's someone else who came along for the ride." She turned to beckon Dave forward.

.

Dave had been watching the interaction between his brother and first Teyla and then Colonel Carter. He wasn't sure what the conversation with Teyla had been about, but it had seemed pretty intense. John was obviously upset and Teyla had worked some magic and calmed him a bit. Where had she been when they were teenagers? She could have made all the difference in the war between John and their Dad.

Looking at John, while the two women spoke to him, made him wonder if it had been a wise choice to come here. He was definitely out of his element and not the best when it came to sick people. John couldn't talk, couldn't move and Dave began to panic that he would say or do the wrong thing and upset him even more than he already was. Carter moved closer to Teyla and motioned for Dave to move into John's view.

.

When the person Carter had indicated moved toward his line of sight, John thought he was hallucinating. _Dave? It couldn't be Dave! They'd never let him come to Atlantis. Rodney's sister had come, but she was a genius like McKay and she'd been working on a big project. Well, she'd also come when they thought Rodney had been dying. _

John's panicked thoughts escaped through his mouth. "D …aaa …vve!" squeaked out of his mouth as his fingers tapped. John was startled that his brother's name had popped out of his mouth. He didn't think he could say a few of those sounds. The others looked to the screen to read John's question.

AM I DYING

"No, John," Sam was quick to reply. "But you did have a few bad moments where we weren't sure, and after Dave _asked_ real nice, we decided to let him."

_Who is she kidding? Dave never __**asks**__ for anything. He tells, orders or commands._

"He had something he wanted to tell you. So we'll give you a little privacy to talk." Sam moved toward the door and Teyla rose as well.

"I will be back," she assured him, then smiled widely. "I will bring Torren so you can put him to sleep."

John watched her go then looked up apprehensively at his brother. How in the world had Dave convinced them to let him come here?

SO NOT DYING

Dave chuckled, "No, I guess not." He took a deep breath and shoved his hands in the pockets of his casual slacks. "But when Colonel Carter showed up at my office, I uh, …I thought..."

_Yeah, I know what you thought. You thought I'd already bought it!_

SORRY

"No, no don't!" Dave cried. "It um, … it scared me, John. Thinking you might … uh, you know…"

DIE

"Yeah," Dave answered, his eyes roaming the room looking distinctly uncomfortable. "I insisted I come with her to see you. I didn't want to take the chance of your not coming home alive." Dave took another deep breath and looked at the screen, perhaps hoping John would give him an opening.

_No way!_ John was not going to make it easy on his brother. He just stared at him with a question in his eyes.

"John," Dave began, still uncomfortable, "I'm, … uh, … Losing Dad was hard,…and when I thought that you … I, uh, didn't want you thinking … It's important that you know that I, uh…"

John watched as his usually eloquent brother struggled for words. He wanted Dave to say it. Say how he felt. But he also knew how hard it was to get those words out. Too many years of Patrick Sheppard telling them to 'be a man' and 'don't be weak' and 'never let them know what you're thinking'. All right, maybe he'd let Dave dangle on the hook long enough.

IT'S OK I KNOW ME TOO

As Dave read the words, he breathed a sigh of relief. He stood silently for a minute then sat on the edge of John's bed.

"So, this is pretty cool," he pointed at the touch pad and screen. "This McKay guy thought of it, huh?"

GENIUS. John rolled his eyes.

Dave laughed. "I seem to recall a brilliant younger brother. One who tried to hide it any way he could."

John's eyes took on a mischievous glint and the right corner of his mouth twitched and moved a slight bit up.

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

"It's amazing how quickly that kid goes to sleep when he's with John," Dave commented as he sat in the almost empty mess hall with the members of John's team and a few others.

"Yes, he does have a gift," Teyla agreed, thinking back a short while ago to when Torren had climbed into John's arms in the hospital bed and drifted off. Marie had promised she would keep an eye on them while the others had a late snack and some time to relax.

"Or it's just that John's not that interesting," Rodney sniped.

"Yet he did it the other day while the Colonel was unconscious," Jennifer reminded them.

"I think it's his smell," Ronon announced.

"Ronon!" Teyla laughed.

"No, I'm serious. The first time the kid fell asleep was in Sheppard's arms, after we pulled you off Michael's ship."

Teyla looked thoughtful, "This is true."

"It _is_ true that babies can equate certain scents with a specific event or activity," Zalenka offered, "And most animals can tell their parents or offspring by their scent."

"Hey, I delivered him. How come he doesn't fall asleep with me?" Rodney complained.

"Because that was a traumatic event, McKay," Sam pointed out. "So now he associates you with trauma."

"I thought it was _drama,_" Amelia said under breath.

A few chuckles slipped out but Rodney just sneered.

"What do you care, McKay?" Ronon growled. "It's not like you spend any extra time with the kid."

"Well, maybe I would if he wasn't attached to Sheppard's hip all the time." All eyes looked at him skeptically. "Or … maybe not," he amended.

"So what else is my brother good at," Dave asked, "besides putting babies to sleep?"

"He's got the highest threshold for pain of any patient I've ever had," came a voice behind them with a thick Scottish accent.

"Carson!" Jennifer cried and ran to embrace the man.

He received hugs and handshakes from most of the crowd, and then sat in a chair someone pulled over for him.

"Carson, this is John's brother, David Sheppard," Teyla introduced. "David, this is Dr. Carson Becket. He was on the original expedition to Atlantis. He has spent the last few years ministering to the people of this galaxy."

The two men shook hands.

"Aye, I was sorry to hear about our lad. I had a peek at him before I came this way." He looked at Teyla. "He was sleeping peacefully with your wee one tucked safely by his side. I can't believe how big he's gotten, Teyla."

Teyla smiled and looked about to say something when Rodney interrupted.

"So, Carson, what brings you this way?"

"I'm needed back on Earth to help Dr. Lam with some research she's doing. Mr. Woolsey suggested I go back when Colonel Carter and Colonel Sheppard do."

"So, you're a medical doctor?" Dave confirmed.

At Carson's nod, he continued, "What were you saying about John when you first came in?"

"Aye," Carson repeated, "Just that John has an extremely high tolerance for pain. More so than any man I've ever met."

"I've got to agree," Jennifer added. "It takes a lot for Colonel Sheppard to ask for any pain medication or to even come see me when he's sick for that matter."

"Of course John can be a little stubborn in that area," Sam recalled. "Like when we finally pulled him out of the rubble of Michael's building."

Jennifer groaned at that memory. "He was down a pint of blood with a hole in his side and what does he do? He slides off the gurney, grabs a clean shirt and goes on another rescue mission."

"That was my fault," Teyla admitted. "He did it to rescue me."

"No, it was Michael's fault," McKay contradicted. "And Sheppard made it through. Although I think _**I**_ was moving faster than _**he**_ was on that mission."

"The Colonel always puts everyone else before himself," Zalenka contributed. "Remember when Artero device was activated and the gate was overloading."

"It was Colonel Sheppard's idea to concentrate the shield around the gate," Amelia remembered.

"That was brilliant!" Zalenka said. "If we hadn't, the blast would have taken out entire city."

"It still managed to take out the gate room," Teyla reminded him, "and it nearly took out you and John as well."

"Yes," Radek agreed. "And that's where Colonel puts others first. When we knew the shield would hold no longer, he pushed me to the floor and threw himself on top, taking brunt of explosion."

"Was he all right?" Dave asked concerned.

"He was alive," Teyla supplied.

"And back on duty in under an hour," Amelia added, "Once Marie managed to pull all the glass out of his back and his ears stopped ringing."

"There were only two people in the gate room?" Dave inquired.

"As soon as we knew what was happening, he ordered everyone out," Amelia told him.

"But you were there?" Dave looked curiously at Zalenka.

"I was attempting to reroute power to shields."

"And John stayed with you?"

"Yes, Mr. Woolsey was gone so Colonel Sheppard was in charge," filled in Zalenka.

"I'm beginning to see a pattern," Dave noted. "Any other stories to share?"

Amelia started to tell how the Colonel had climbed the outside of the tower to turn off the emergency beacon during the quarantine lockdown.

"That was somewhat my fault as well," Teyla confessed. "Not the quarantine," she amended, "but the urgency that made John take the risk. I was pregnant with Torren and John was quite nervous the whole time that I would go into labor. I was fine, but with the ventilation off, the air grew quite thin. That is when John threw a chair out the window and proceeded to climb the side of the building."

"That tower's pretty tall," Dave commented.

"Yes, we were in Rodney's lab on level sixty-three and the Control Room is on level sixty-seven."

Dave just smiled and shook his head.

Ronon looked up and commented, "You don't seem surprised."

"No, not really," Dave answered. "You should have seen some of the places he got into as a kid. One time, he managed to get on the roof of the barn. No one ever figured out how he'd done it and _he_ wouldn't tell. And he was only eight at that point. It just got worse as he got older."

"Now he runs suicide missions like they're a paper route." McKay added.

"John refuses to put anyone else in harm's way if he can avoid it," Teyla contributed.

"Suicide missions!" Dave muttered. "Can I take a guess that the Medal of Honor he got was for one of those?"

"Yeah," McKay confirmed. He gave a brief outline of the hive ship that found its way to Earth.

Sam continued, "After the chair was destroyed, instead of coming back to base he got the idea to detonate the nuke…from _inside_ the hive ship."

"Killing himself in the process!" Dave cried. "And you let him do this?"

"His orders were to return to base," Sam defended. "But it's hard to argue with John's reasoning at times. Rescue Teyla and her baby, save the planet…" She threw up her hands and shook her head.

"What he didn't know was that there was a Stargate on board the ship. That's how we got him off." McKay explained.

"But he _was_ willing to give up his life for the sake of his people and the planet," Sam said, "and that's what the Medal of Honor was for."

"But Sheppard's willing to sacrifice his life even if it's not for his people, just because it's the right thing to do." Ronon pointed out.

At Dave's questioning look, Teyla clarified, "You are speaking of the time John was captured and held by Kolya?"

"The leader of a rebel group that had tried to take control of Atlantis at one point," McKay supplied.

"And why did he capture John?" Dave asked.

"Well, his essential reason was to get his hands on the new leader of his people who he felt betrayed him," Rodney said. "He already had a grudge against John, though."

Rodney shrugged and finished his explanation. "When Kolya tried to take control of Atlantis, John killed over sixty of his men."

"John and his troops, you mean?"

McKay shook his head. "There were only three of us in the city and Kolya had Dr. Weir and I with him. John did all the dirty work."

"I think this time Kolya wanted payback," Ronon guessed. "I think he got his jollies out of torturing John."

Dave's eyes grew terrified and he didn't ask for details.

"I do not like to think of that time," Teyla insisted. "The fact that we were made to watch…several times,…"her voice cracked and she couldn't finish.

"It showed me what Sheppard was made of," Ronon said. "Even after everything that bastard put him through, he still managed to escape."

"This Kolya?" Dave questioned, "Is he still…?"

"No!" three voices chimed together.

"He did escape that time," Teyla said, "But next time we met up with him…"

"Sheppard killed him!" Ronon growled bluntly.

Dave digested all this information. He knew his brother got injured during battle but he'd never really pictured him doing the injuring or even killing. How naïve was that? The man was a military leader and of course he would do what was necessary to protect the people in his care.

Major Lorne took that moment to walk into the mess hall and over to the table. He nodded at everyone then addressed Rodney.

"Dr. McKay. You said you wanted to be notified as soon as the Daedelus arrived. They just radioed, they'll be docking in five minutes."

"Excellent!" Rodney exclaimed, rubbing his hands together. "I hope they brought my stuff." He stood up and excused himself.

Dave stood up as well and announced, "It's been a pretty long and intense day. If you don't mind …"

Teyla joined him. "I will show you to John's quarters. I need to get back to Torren soon as well.

They both said their goodbyes and walked in the direction of John's room. There was silence for a while, then Teyla broke it saying, "Do not judge John's actions too harshly. He does not enjoy taking a life. But in his job and in this galaxy, it is often a necessity."

"I know," Dave agreed. "I guess I forget that sometimes."

They came to John's door and Teyla gave him instructions for opening and locking it. Dave stepped inside and looked over the room he had only seen parts of in his brother's e-mails. Teyla had gone directly to John's bed and started stripping the sheets. She had a new set on before Dave had even finished his initial perusal.

"I believe Jennifer will be able to give us a better time frame for when John will be capable of leaving Atlantis."

David saw the pain of this reflected in Teyla's eyes. He wished he could make the pain go away, but John needed intense help and Earth was the best place for him to get it.

"If you need assistance," Teyla continued, "there will be a Marine stationed outside the door."

At David's concerned look, she explained, "It is simply protocol for all visitors, even the brother of the man who enacted these protocols."

"Thank you ,Teyla," Dave said, "for everything you've done. For me and for John."

"It is my pleasure," she replied. "I will see you in the morning."

Dave murmured, "Good night," as she walked out the door.

He sat on the edge of the bed and looked around the room again. There wasn't much there. The personal items he recognized: the Johnny Cash poster, skateboard, guitar, and golf clubs. He got up and opened a few drawers and the small closet. A dozen black military uniforms with matching t-shirts were mingled with some jeans, casual shirts, sweats, underwear and socks. The bottom of the closet held two pair of army boots, hiking boots, and a pair of sneakers. His dress uniform was pushed over to one side with the black dress shoes underneath.

Dave sighed as he realized there was very little else in this room. And the room was as neat as a pin. John had been a slob as a kid, but he supposed close to twenty years in the military would have some effect on the man. But the thing that hit Dave the hardest was the lack of materialistic items and the scarcity of the room. And John was happy here, with these few belongings and in this simple place. Guilt nagged at him when he remembered the conversation he'd initiated at Dad's funeral. The one where he'd all but accused John of wanting to steal his inheritance. Dave sat on the edge of the bed and thought, _God! How wrong could I be?_

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

John had insisted Dave get the grand tour of the city instead of sitting next to his bed all day. So here it was, late afternoon and he was just returning to the infirmary. It was probably a good thing since John was still not in the best of moods. _Of course he's not; he's paralyzed for Pete's sake._ But at least he had made John see reason regarding the private rehabilitation center Dave had made arrangements with.

At first, John had refused. Dave figured it was mostly on principle alone. John hated when Dave handled things without asking first. But then Dave had compared the care he'd get in the VA hospital with the care he'd get privately. Dave would make arrangements for John to get daily therapy in anything he needed. And Dr. Keller seemed to think he'd need a lot. The bottom line was that John wanted to recover as quickly as possible and what Dave was offering was the best way to do that.

But going on the tour gave them both a little time to chill from each other. Now as Dave walked in, he caught sight of Jennifer and she was looking a little concerned.

"Is everything all right?" Dave asked quickly.

She nodded and said, "John's fine. Enough so that he's stable enough to be sent back to Earth. That's kind of the problem. We told him earlier today and he's not real thrilled."

"I know he's not," Dave replied, "but the sooner we get him there, the sooner we can get him better."

Dave turned to head in the direction of John's room when Jennifer's hand stopped him.

"Actually, he's got company right now. Everybody's just found out that he's leaving in the morning, so quite a few people have come to say goodbye."

"He's well liked, huh?" Dave said.

"You're brother's a good man," Jennifer choked out. "It's not going to be the same here without him."

Dave could see a sheen come over her eyes, but she turned away to rearrange something on the shelf and when she looked back her face was under control again.

"Can I just sit by the door?" Dave requested. "Just so I can watch him."

Jennifer nodded and Dave settled himself in a chair so he had a good view into John's room.

He could see his brother tapping away to two soldiers who were standing at strict attention. They read what he wrote and replied with a crisp, "Yes, Sir!" Then the female replied, "You can count on us, Sir! We won't let you down. You just need to concentrate on getting back on your feet."

They both gave him a respectful salute, and then left the room.

.

John closed his eyes and let out a huge sigh. He wanted to scream but that obviously wasn't going to happen. He'd just given orders to Majors Anton and Teldy to give Lorne as much assistance as they could while he was out of commission.

Zalenka and Miko had been by earlier and he'd told them to cut Rodney some slack as he wouldn't be around to keep him in line. He'd given Chuck and Amelia a few tips on how to get Woolsey to see things their way and he'd told a few of the nurses not to be too bored without him to patch up all the time.

He opened his eyes and saw Caldwell approaching the bed and remembered that the Daedelus had been scheduled to arrive yesterday.

"Sheppard," Caldwell began, "sorry to hear what happened. I knew having those damn reporters here was a mistake."

"Yyesss," John breathed out quietly.

Caldwell just stared at John for a minute then suggested, "If they wanted action, you should have brought them to a Wraith planet, see how they like that."

John tapped away and his eyes moved toward the screen. As Caldwell looked that way, he commented, "McKay rigged this up I'll bet," then laughed when he saw what John had responded to his threat.

SUGGESTED THAT. WOOLSEY SAID NO

"A bunch of supplies came in and you, … uh, ordered a tricycle?" Caldwell questioned.

TORREN BIRTHDAY

"Understood. What do you want me to do with it? Give it to Teyla?"

John's first thought was Rodney, but then he realized the scientist probably wasn't the best person to teach T.J. how to ride a tricycle. He wasn't sure Rodney had ever taken the time for something as mundane as riding a bike. Teyla and Ronon were no good either, since they'd grown up in a tricycle-free galaxy. Maybe Lorne would be the best bet. He liked to spend time with T.J. and had plenty of patience.

MAKE LORNE TEACH TORREN

"Will do, Sheppard. Listen, be a good boy on Earth, work hard and get your ass back here soon. The Pegasus Galaxy needs you." He nodded to Sheppard and left.

The corner of John's lip attempted to lift as he thought it was the nicest thing Caldwell had ever said to him.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

"Do you require any assistance?" Teyla asked Dave as she and Torren walked into John's quarters early the next morning. Dave had two bags sitting on the bed; his small weekend case and a duffle bag he assumed was John's.

"My stuff is all packed, but I'm not sure what I should take for John."

Teyla walked over to the bed and peered inside.

"I mostly grabbed his non-military clothes," Dave said. "I figure he won't need any uniforms in rehab. It's amazing how little he has, civilian clothes, anyway."

"John takes very little time for himself," Teyla informed him. "And at the end of the day he will continue to wear his uniform even after his shift has ended."

"Does his shift really ever end?" Dave wondered.

Teyla chuckled as she swung Torren up to sit next to the bags on John's bed. "No, it does not. He is in a position of great authority and is therefore called upon often when there is a problem, no matter the time."

"And does this Woolsey take on his share of the responsibility?"

"Mr. Woolsey is responsible for a great many things, but anything regarding the safety of Atlantis or her people is considered a military matter and therefore John must be informed. But often the people of this base prefer John's way of handling problems. He is, as they say in your world, more … laid back… in his approach to resolving conflict."

"Laid back," nodded Dave. "Yeah, that describes John. Used to drive our Dad crazy.

Teyla smiled again and walked over to open the bedside table drawer. She pulled out a few small items and handed them to Dave. "John will often be found using these if he has any free time."

Dave looked down and saw an MP3 player and a small video game player. He put them in the bag and said, "Thanks."

Teyla took a look around the room and noticed Torren had crawled off the bed and found John's stash of storybooks. She glanced at Dave. "You are leaving in one hour. Torren and I wanted to say goodbye to John one last time before he …" she stopped for a deep breath then addressed her son. "Torren, perhaps you could read a story to Uncle John before he goes. Choose one that you know well."

Torren spread the books over the floor and responded, "Otay."

He picked one up, toddled over to his mother and held it up to her. "Mama, where he doe?" Torren sounded worried.

Teyla picked him up and held him close. "I told you, Uncle John has not been well. He is going with his brother," her eyes indicated Dave, "back to his planet so he can become well again."

"Mama," Torren whined, "I don't want him a doe!"

"I know, sweetheart," Teyla replied touching her forehead to her son's. "I do not wish him to go, either. But he must, if he is to regain his health."

Dave looked upon the scene and almost wished John could recover here. These people were truly in pain over John's departure.

"Why don't you two come with us?" Dave suggested impulsively.

Teyla looked at him gratefully. "It is a tempting offer. But _**I**_ also have responsibilities here that I cannot just walk away from indefinitely."

"I understand that," Dave empathized. "But maybe you could come for a visit or two? When your responsibilities have eased a bit."

Teyla smiled, "That is a possibility."

"Good," Dave responded, "Now go and see John. I'll be down in a little while."

Teyla nodded but walked closer to Dave. "Please take care of him. John is very important to many people. He is important to me." She bowed her head then turned around and left the room.

Dave just shook his head at her words. John had practically admitted the same feelings for Teyla when they'd met last year in San Francisco. Now, if these two would just wake up and tell each other.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

DIE OF STARVATION BEFORE EARTH

Jennifer grinned at what John had tapped in. "That's what the IV is for. It has all the nutrients you need to live. And you know Colonel, your throat's not ready for food yet. You barely get down ice chips without choking."

NAZI

Jennifer chuckled and promised, "The rehab center will have an SLP on staff."

At John's confused look she explained, "A Speech Language Pathologist. They work with problems of the throat and vocal chords. They'll get your muscles working so you can speak _and_ eat."

John gave a big sigh, realizing Jennifer was right. They were all right when it came to reasons to send him back to Earth. He would recover quicker with the right specialists and equipment. It didn't make the leaving any easier, though. Teyla had given him her final massage last night, before she tucked Torren in next to him to sleep, but both she and Torren were gone when he'd awoke this morning.

Thinking of Teyla and Torren had made it easier for the decision John made when Ronon had come in first thing to say goodbye. Ronon hadn't said much, he never did. He had shuffled his feet and warned, "On Earth, when you're getting better, it's no time to be lazy, you got that, Sheppard?"

John had hissed out a, "Yeess," then tapped furiously.

FIND KANAAN GET HIS ASS BACK TO HELP TEYLA

"Yeah," Ronon grunted, "I was thinking I needed to find Kanaan and have a good long talk with him."

John snorted. LONG TALK YOU

"When I've got something to say," Ronon clarified, then fell into his typical silence.

He stayed that way until Rodney had come in, then told John he'd see him in the gate room and left.

"Hey, John," Rodney greeted, then held up what looked like one of his mini computers. "Look, I, uh, made your communication device a little more portable. Let me get the connection all set with your touch pad," Rodney fiddled with buttons and controls, then said, "Okay, you're good to go."

THANKS GOT SOMETHING TO HELP ME EAT A STEAK

"Oh, um, no, not really," Rodney said, looking somewhat confused. "Oh, that's right, you still can't swallow anything. Not sure how well I'd handle that."

YOU WOULDN'T

Rodney then fell silent but unlike Ronon was obviously uncomfortable with it. After a few minutes, he managed to stumble across a few words.

"John, I …uh…wanted to say … I'm gonna miss you here. I know we've had our differences at times, I mean we're pretty different people, but you've become a really good friend. And I haven't had a lot of those in my life. But you … you've just let me be _me _… and that's about the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."

Rodney paused here to check and see what John's reaction was. His eyes were sad and his brows were furrowed.

YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND TOO

"Maybe we should go out on the pier for a few cold ones, huh?

One side of John's mouth lifted up and his eyes twinkled.

YOU'D HAVE TO PUT IT IN MY IV

Rodney considered for a moment, then frowned, "No, I think Jennifer would be pretty pissed if I did that."

PROBABLY

Then the silence became companionable as each remembered good times they'd had.

Major Lorne came in twenty minutes later asking for last minute orders. Rodney excused himself and told John he'd see him in the gate room.

John had a million things he wanted to tell Lorne but he kept it as simple as he could. He told him about teaching Torren to ride the tricycle, he reminded him to be patient with Rodney but to push him when it was really important. He wished him good luck and then finished tapping, TAKE CARE OF MY CITY FOR ME.

"Yes, Sir!" Lorne snapped to attention and gave him a salute.

John's fingers moved again. CLEAR GATE ROOM BEFORE I LEAVE.

"But Colonel," Lorne objected, "many of the men wanted a chance to see you off."

Lorne saw his commanding officer's eyes fill with pain as he struggled with the word, "Plleeaaasssse."

He knew then that Sheppard was trying to leave with as much dignity as he could manage. And having a gate room full of people seeing him in this condition, carried through the gate, would not have that effect.

"Of course, Sir, I understand." Lorne nodded and said, "Good luck, Sir, and come back soon. Put down a good bet on the Superbowl for me, would you?"

Then he left John lying there knowing that in less than an hour he would be out of the Pegasus Galaxy and back in the SGC on Earth.

Teyla came by to sit with John until it was time to leave. Torren automatically crawled in between John's arm and body and leaned his head against John's chest. He opened the book he'd brought and started the toddler version of the Three Little Pigs. When he was done, he reclined quietly back against John.

It was early morning so Teyla knew her son wasn't tired, but she had a feeling Torren was aware of what was happening. He could sense her moods almost as much as she could sense his and he knew Teyla was terribly upset about John's impending departure. Therefore, he was upset as well.

When Teyla looked at her little boy, her eyes widened in surprise and amazement. She watched as John's hand, his whole hand, not just a few fingers, actually moved a few inches so it was resting on Torren's back. It obviously had cost him a great deal, as his face had a sheen of sweat on it and had been pinched in concentration during the small movement.

Teyla moved to the other side of the bed and sat on the edge. The head of the bed was fairly inclined so John was almost sitting up. Torren was leaning back against John comfortably, with his eyes wide open and his thumb in his mouth. She smiled at the sight but her heart ached when she realized it would probably be the last time this would happen until John was fully recuperated and back in Atlantis.

She picked up the hand closest to her and noted that Jennifer had removed the IV. She knew the doctor in the SGC would replace it as soon as he was safely there. She moved John's fingers, increasing the circulation.

"Can you move this one as you did the other?" she challenged. John's face tensed up and Teyla could see the strain it caused. She was about to tell him to stop when the hand moved and slid to Teyla's arm.

She felt a slight pressure from John's hand so she leaned forward, her face inches from his. John needed to tell Teyla something but his communication hand was on T.J.'s back and he wasn't sure he could move it again. He took a deep breath, concentrated and whispered hoarsely, "D..ooonn't …l eeet …h iimmm …forrr…g.. et …mmmeee!"

Teyla closed her eyes to try and stem the agony she was feeling. Much of it was hers, but she figured she was sensing John and Torren's as well.

"You have my word," she promised. "But I have faith that you will return to us soon. You have made great improvements already and I know you will work hard to continue."

She stayed close until Jennifer and Carson showed up and it was time to go. They moved John to a stretcher which they then placed on a gurney and began to wheel him out of the infirmary. Teyla followed with Torren in her arms.

The gate room was empty of most personnel. Carter was there with Dave, Ronon, Rodney, Lorne and Woolsey. As they approached, Woolsey instructed, "Dial the gate."

John knew they were wasting precious ZPM power to dial direct, but he was glad they were. He couldn't imagine anything worse than being stuck on the Mid-Way Station in his condition with Dr. Lee yattering on in his ear, non-stop.

The gate gave its mighty _woosh_ and the event horizon shimmered like a clear blue pool of water. Woolsey moved near John and remarked, "I expect you to work hard and get better. We need you _here_, Colonel!"

It wasn't much in the way of speeches, especially considering it was Woolsey, but John appreciated the sentiment.

Carson picked up the front of the stretcher and Dave picked up the back, saying, "Anyone's always welcome to come visit. There's plenty of room at the house." But there was no response except acknowledging nods.

Sam said her goodbyes to her former staff and led the way through the Stargate. Dave and Carson followed with John.

No one moved, even when the event horizon flickered and died. Except Torren, he had been making whimpering noises and had finally started to cry. Everyone knew exactly how he felt.

.

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xoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxo


	5. Chapter 5

xoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxo

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"Incoming wormhole. It's Atlantis, Sir," Walter announced to General Landry.

"Right on time," Landry replied and watched through the window as Sam Carter appeared, followed by Dr. Beckett and Sheppard's brother carrying a stretcher.

Carolyn met them on the ramp and immediately started talking to the group. The three people standing all responded in some way. Landry noticed that Colonel Sheppard lay, eyes open but completely unmoving even as they transferred him to the gurney and wheeled him out of the gate room. There were many times he'd wished he could make the unorthodox Colonel silent and still, but not this way, and not for any length of time.

He grudgingly admitted that Sheppard was a valuable asset to the program no matter how much of a smart-ass, pain in the neck he could be. It was probably why Jack O'Neill defended the guy so much. O'Neill had those same qualities.

He thought about going to the infirmary and checking on things but figured Sheppard might not appreciate his showing up so soon after he arrived. Woolsey had said Sheppard's mood was not very good and Landry's relationship with him was tenuous at best, so maybe giving the guy a little time wasn't a bad idea.

.

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John looked around the infirmary, taking note of the differences between this one and the one on Atlantis. No contest, Atlantis won hands down. The cinder block walls and total gray color everywhere made this place way too dreary and depressing. But he knew he'd have to stick it out for at least twenty-four hours before they released him to the upscale rehab center Dave had arranged.

His brother had made sure he was settled in then asked about using a phone and computer. He needed to finalize details for John's stay and check on business as well.

Carson and Dr. Lam had done a complete check up with blood work and scans, hooked up another IV, and then wandered off to another room to discuss the results.

The room he was in was fairly large with four beds. The others were empty and he was down by the end away from the door. They had pulled a curtain partially down the side to give him some privacy, but as the room was empty, John wondered privacy from whom. He closed his eyes to avoid the depressing gray walls but was too tense to try and sleep.

He heard someone walk quietly in but wasn't in the mood for conversation so he kept his eyes shut. When he heard a second person approach and two whispered voices, curiosity got the better of him and he cracked open his eyes just the tiniest bit.

.

Sam walked quietly into the part of the room that John was occupying so as not to wake him if he were asleep. She noticed his eyes closed and hoped he was getting some rest. The past week had been very stressful for him, actually almost two weeks if you counted the week with the reporters.

She heard the soft sounds of footsteps behind her and jumped slightly when a pair of arms wrapped themselves around her. A mouth nuzzled her ear and said, "Guess who?"

Sam leaned back into the embrace and replied quietly, "Hmm, let me think for a minute."

The arms tightened around her and the voice whispered gruffly, "You better not have to think too hard on this one."

Sam put her arms on top of the ones around her and leaned her head back on his shoulder. "I didn't realize you were still here."

Jack took advantage of her position and started placing little kisses on her exposed neck. In between kisses he said, "I heard you were coming back today so I found a few things to do."

He pressed a couple more kisses on her neck and continued, "Now that you're here, I could think of a few _more_ things I could do."

Sam chuckled softly, "Would I be involved in any of these things?"

Jack's voice got deeper as he replied, "Oh, you would definitely be involved in these things."

Sam turned around in the circle of his embrace and put her arms around Jack's neck. "When are you going back to Washington?" Sam asked sadly.

"Soon, but I'm pretty sure we could find something there that requires your presence as well. You know, meetings and discussions."

Sam's eyebrow rose as she asked, "Private meetings?"

Jack nodded.

"You know, Sir," Sam suggested, "I'm sure there's some data that we need to analyze as well."

"Oh, most definitely! You know how much I like to analyze things."

"Mmmm," Sam almost purred, "Reports, memos, briefs…"

"Yes, briefs!" Jack jumped on that topic. "You absolutely must help me analyze some of my briefs."

Jacks lips were just touching Sam's when he heard a muffled snort coming from the direction of the bed. He and Sam turned to look and saw Sheppard, eyes squeezed tight, and his lip curled up on one side. Jack realized the man was trying not to laugh.

"You're not asleep, are you Sheppard?" Jack said loudly.

John's eyes opened and he responded slowly, "No … Ssir."

Sam was mortified, stepped away from Jack and started to explain. "Uh, John, what you just saw happen…"

"Ve …gasss." John stammered.

Jack chuckled, "What happens there, stays there. Good man, Sheppard! I knew I liked you for some odd reason."

Sam was still blushing. "Thank you, John. We'll let you get some real sleep, now."

She moved toward the door grabbing O'Neill by the arm and dragging him along. But not before John had given him a wink and O'Neill had returned one as well.

John gave an inward chuckle and thought of his former CO and General O'Neill. He shouldn't be surprised though. They had been on the same SG team for about eight years. He knew how close you could get to your teammates. The life and death situations you were in together made you rely on them and trust them in ways that were well beyond the ordinary. He thought of his team back on Atlantis. The brief amusement he'd gotten from seeing the interplay between Carter and O'Neill vanished as quickly as it had appeared.

.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoox xoxoxoxoxox

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"I've got to tell you, Carolyn," Carson said, "I'm encouraged by the improvement I've seen in John in just the last two days."

"Well, I've read through all the notes that Jennifer wrote about the Colonel's condition and I have to agree. His mobility's not much, but the fact that there has been improvement is a very good sign that he could have a complete recovery."

"Complete recovery?" repeated Landry as he walked into Dr. Lam's office. "I hope you're talking about Colonel Sheppard."

"That we are, General," Carson confirmed. "But it's still going to be quite a journey for our lad. I don't imagine he'll be back to the way he was in anything less than ten months to a year."

"I'd estimate at _least_ a year, if not more," Carolyn added. "He'd have to be pretty dedicated and motivated to get back to Air Force standards in anything less than a year."

"You don't know John Sheppard very well, then. He's extremely dedicated and I think his motivation would be strong. He wants to get back to the only home he's known for the past six years; Atlantis."

"Good! Hopefully that motivation will work," Landry said. "So, is he ready to go?"

"I believe so. Carolyn?"

She nodded her head. "Yes, I see no reason to keep him here. The sooner he starts therapies, the better. Did Mr. Sheppard say the rehab center was ready for him?"

"They're all set," Landry stated. "Apparently Mr. Sheppard has connections that make things happen."

"Let's get him going then," Carson said.

"Just remember you're coming back here to help me with my research after you get Colonel Sheppard safely settled in the center," Carolyn reminded him as they walked toward the room John was in.

David Sheppard, General O'Neill and Colonel Carter were gathered around the bed. Sam was giving a business card to Dave saying, "The base number and my cell are on there. If you need anything, please just call. You can reach me anytime, unless I'm off-world, of course."

Dave took the card and shook Sam's hand. "Thank you, Colonel. I appreciate everything you've done for us."

O'Neill put his hand on John's uninjured shoulder and commanded, "Get your ass back here soon, okay? And this is one order you do _not_ want to disobey!"

"Yes…Sir," John whispered.

O'Neill gave him a conspiratorial wink and moved to stand near Carter.

Landry moved towards the bed and addressed John. "Colonel Sheppard, you've been here almost twenty-four hours and you haven't caused any problems. I might let you come back."

He chuckled then continued, "Get better! And that's also an order!"

John gave a slight nod of his head and then they transferred him onto the gurney that would take him to where he'd spend who knew how much time.

.

They took a plane out of Peterson and then an ambulance to the rehab center and John slept almost the whole way.

Dave was surprised by this until Carson admitted that he'd given John a sedative. John's heart rate had been a bit fast and the doctor figured it was due to the stress he'd been under the past week.

When the ambulance got to the facility, Dave got out and was greeted by his friend, Roy Stanton.

"David, how was your trip? Everything go according to plan?"

"Roy," Dave shook the man's hand and replied, "I really appreciate your setting this up. And the trip was a long one, very long. But we made it and I think there's a reason to be optimistic."

Carson came out of the back of the ambulance at that point and announced, "I think he's all set to go."

Dave turned and introduced the two men explaining, "Dr. Beckett came along to make sure John was okay during the trip. They're good friends and he was headed back to .. the States… anyway."

"Glad to have you," Stanton said. "Now let's meet this brother of yours, David." and he motioned for two orderlies to get the gurney.

Dave and Roy moved aside as they wheeled John out and started toward the building.

"You may have to meet him another time, Roy," Dave suggested. "He was sedated for the last leg of the trip. It's … um… been pretty tough on him. John's usually the poster child for an active lifestyle and this paralysis has really dampened his spirits."

"I can imagine," Stanton sympathized. "How exactly did it happen?"

Dave looked at Carson as they entered the large elevator. Carson took the cue.

"Exactly how it happened isn't really pertinent. Suffice it to say the Colonel was infected with a high dosage of a neurotoxin which resulted in the paralysis of all his muscles. His respiratory system then shut down causing cardiac arrest. He was on a ventilator for about a day before his lungs were able to recover and start working again."

At the concerned look of Roy Stanton, Carson continued, "He's been stabilized for a few days now. We're fairly certain he's in no immediate danger. The hard part now will be getting him mobilized again."

They got off the elevator and followed the gurney down the hallway. Roy put his hand on David's arm and slowed his pace a bit. "Did they tell _you_ what happened?"

David nodded in the affirmative but said softly, "I had to sign all sorts of documents saying to keep my mouth shut."

Roy tipped his head in understanding and walked into the private room John would be occupying. It wasn't huge but it had enough room for a hospital bed, dresser and bedside table. Across from the bed was a good sized TV mounted on the wall. To the left of the bed was a small bump out with a floor to ceiling window. The next corner over housed a small bathroom with a toilet, shower and there was a sink right outside the door.

As the orderlies transferred John to the bed, Carson took a good look around.

"It's absolutely lovely here. John's very lucky to be in an establishment like this."

"Thank you," Stanton beamed. "We do what we can to make people comfortable while they're recovering. We have an excellent staff of ten doctors, several Speech/Language Pathologists, Occupational Therapists, Physical Therapists, as well as an Aquatic Therapist and a full time psychologist. And our nursing staff are all highly qualified and trained in rehabilitative services. I'm confident we can give the Colonel the best care around."

"Is this our new VIP patient?" boomed a jolly voice entering the room.

David and Carson turned to look at a fairly large man in his early fifties walk toward them. Stanton smiled as he introduced, "Dr. Turner, this is David Sheppard, you may have met him at some of the fundraisers, and this is Dr. Carson Beckett." He indicated the newcomer and said, "This is our Chief of Rehabilitative Services, Dr. Philip Turner."

The men all shook hands and exchanged greetings then Turner walked over and gazed down at John whose eyes were starting to flutter but still remained closed.

"My brother, Colonel John Sheppard," David presented.

"Colonel?" Turner's eyebrows rose, impressed noting the age of the man lying there. "What branch of the Military?"

"Air Force."

"Pilot?" asked Turner.

David nodded his head. Carson took that opportunity to pull out a flash drive and hand it to Turner. "Here are the Colonel's medical files, well, most of them anyway. Any pertinent data you need for his treatment will be in there."

"Thank you," Turner replied. "We'll make sure to get it in the system right away so there are no surprises for our staff. Before you go, would you like a tour of our facility?"

Carson's eyes lit up. "I'd love one." He looked at David for confirmation.

"You go ahead," David insisted. "I've been here before, fundraisers and such."

Carson left with Turner and Dave moved to sit on the edge of the bed facing John. "He's my closest family. I expect you to take good care of him."

"We will. Our staff is the best," Stanton promised.

John's eyes took that moment to open completely and move from side to side, investigating his new surroundings. Dave cocked his head and gave his brother a big smile.

"Hey, John, you feeling okay? You were out of it for a while."

John's eyes narrowed and he stammered, "Ti…red."

"Dr. Beckett gave you a sedative for the trip. It may take a little while for you to shake off the effects."

John gave a small nod in acknowledgement then started looking around the room again. Dave pointed to his companion. "John, this is Roy Stanton, the friend I told you about. He arranged all this for you."

John's eyes closed again for a second before he popped them back open and attempted, "Th…anks."

"I was happy to do it," Stanton declared. "And if you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to ask."

John looked about to say something, looked down at his left hand as the fingers moved up and down, and then sighed as his head relaxed again.

"Oh," Dave remembered. "I almost forgot." He walked over to where John's duffle bag had been placed and rifled through the front pocket. He took the small communication device McKay had created and took a few minutes to set it up on the side of the bed.

"Is it working? Did I do it right?" Dave asked his brother.

YOU LET ME KNOW

"I guess it is," Dave claimed and explained the device to Stanton who was highly impressed.

FOOD showed up on the small screen and Dave chuckled.

"John, you can't swallow anything, yet." He looked at Stanton and explained, "He hasn't eaten since before the accident. They've been giving him nutrients through an IV but it doesn't really appease the hunger."

"Well, the Speech Path will be here tomorrow," Roy explained. "Her name is Rosie. She'll be with you for breakfast, lunch and dinner to get you eating and swallowing again. And she'll also spend an hour each day working on getting you talking again."

HOW LONG

"I'm really not sure," Roy admitted. "Dr. Turner would probably have a better idea."

"I heard my name!" boomed Turner as he and Carson walked back in the room followed by an athletic looking man in his thirties. "Hope it was good stuff you were saying about me."

"Colonel Sheppard was wondering how long it would be before he could start eating again," described Stanton.

"John!" Carson exclaimed, "You're awake and already asking about food. You're beginning to sound like Rodney."

A crooked smile appeared on John's face.

"John," Dave introduced, "This is Dr. Turner, and he runs the place. My brother, Colonel John Sheppard."

Turner reached down and took John's hand in a quick shake and replied, "It's great to meet you, Colonel Sheppard. And while I was giving Dr. Beckett a quick tour of our facility, we ran into one of our physical therapists, Josh Graham. He had a few extra minutes and thought he'd come say hi."

Graham stepped forward and also took John's hand and gave it a little squeeze. John put all his effort and attempted to squeeze back. He knew it was pretty pathetic, but this was all about making improvement, right?

At his attempt, Josh broke into a huge grin and squeezed a bit more. John put even more concentrated effort in applying pressure into the handshake even though it was still not much. This time Josh chuckled and said, "Oh, this will be fun. You're going to be an amazing worker, I can tell."

Stanton looked curious and asked, "How?"

Josh released John's hand and revealed, "The effort he put into squeezing my hand. It was almost a little competitive, am I right?"

He finished looking at John for confirmation. The right side of John's mouth curled up at the same time that Carson let out a hoot of laughter.

"Just a wee bit competitive. But be careful, he's been known to take a month's pay off someone on just one bet."

"Okay, I've been warned," said Josh.

"We arranged for all your therapies to start tomorrow," Turner announced. "Figured we'd let you get here and settled before we threw you to the wolves."

John looked around and felt a little overwhelmed by all the people, especially since he was out of his element. Give him a war zone any day. He focused his gaze on Carson, feeling the familiarity ease the tension a little. But Carson wasn't staying. He was leaving him alone with all these strangers. Okay, so maybe Dave wasn't a stranger, but the amount of times he'd seen him in the past six years, he may as well have been.

Carson pulled a few things out of John's bag and walked to his bedside. "I promised Dr. Lam I'd come right back and seeing as she's General Landry's daughter, I better not disappoint her. But I wanted to give you these." Carson explained as he showed John two framed pictures. "Teyla gave them to me before we left. She said something about _you_ not forgetting also."

Carson held the pictures for John to see before he placed them on the top of the dresser. One picture was of John's team. They were dressed in full gear and you could see the P-90's in John and Teyla's hands. It was outside and John tried to recall what planet they were on when Lorne, he was pretty sure, had snapped the picture. It didn't really matter; he wouldn't be back there for a while.

The other picture was harder to look at. It was of Torren and him. They had been sitting on the floor in the rec room stacking blocks. The blocks had just tumbled to the ground when the picture was taken so both Torren and John were laughing in the image. He was glad Teyla had sent them along. But he knew even without them he would carry a clear picture in his mind for as long as he needed to.

Carson put a comforting hand on John's shoulder. "Listen, lad, I've got to go. But I'll be working with Dr. Lam in … uh … Colorado for at least the next week or so. If you need anything, have someone call me."

Carson looked at the other people gathered in the room and requested, "Take good care of him. He's a very special person and a lot of people are counting on his coming back."

Carson nodded at everyone and Dave informed him, "The car I arranged for you is waiting out back."

Dave noticed John looked a bit panicked when Carson said, "Thank you," and walked out the door. Unfortunately there wasn't much he could do about the situation.

John attempted a "Bye," but it sounded weak in his own ears so he was fairly certain Carson hadn't heard.

Josh took that opportunity to leave and lifted a hand to John saying, "See you tomorrow."

Dr. Turner looked at Dave and said, "We've got several nurses doing private duty for your brother, but the main Day Nurse will start tomorrow. Her name is Lisa and she's excellent. For the rest of today and tonight, I've just arranged for the staff nurses to take turns in here. And before I go, I guess I should hook up that IV that's needed."

He set right to work getting it established and wrote down some instructions in the chart on the end of John's bed as well as the white board that was mounted between the TV and the door. He then excused himself.

Stanton decided to join the exodus and pretty soon John found himself alone with just his brother sitting on his bedside. He wasn't sure what he should say. Not that he could say much and doing Morse Code was getting tiring. Heck, even if John could talk, he and Dave may not have had a lot to say. John decided he'd make an attempt anyway.

THANKS FOR ALL THIS SORRY SO MOODY

"Oh, John!" Dave said, "Don't apologize. You've been through hell this past week, a little moodiness is acceptable. And the hard part is still to come. You know how much you'll have to work to get better, right?"

AT LEAST DOING SOMETHING

Dave nodded his understanding. He got up to move John's bag and started pulling things out and putting them in the dresser while saying, "I'll probably need to get you some more clothes for working out, you didn't have much. Maybe Julia can do it. She loves shopping."

He finished with the dresser and put John's electronic devices in the bedside table drawer. He sat back on the bed and said, "You know I spoke briefly with Julia yesterday. She can't wait to finally meet you."

At this, John's eyes filled with horror. "N…ot….li…ke….thi…sss"

"She won't care," Dave objected, but John's eyes shown with a pleading intensity that Dave couldn't deny, so he compromised. "Okay, we'll give you a few weeks to get a little more language and maybe be able to shake her hand. But I don't want to put her off too long. Deal?"

"De…eal."

Dave looked around the room again, then looked at his watch. John knew he was dying to make a break for it and head to the office since he hadn't been there in close to a week.

GO TO WORK SEE JULIA

"I want to make sure you're all set before I go," Dave said.

TV REMOTE ESPN

Dave let out a huge laugh at this.

He found the remote, changed the channel and put the remote in John's hand.

"You're sure?" Dave checked.

GO John ordered.

"Okay, I'll try and be back tomorrow, but I'll have to see what's been going on at work first."

GO John insisted again and started flipping through the channels.

Dave put his hand on John's shoulder and said, "Take it easy, John," and he walked out of the room. Within seconds a petite nurse with short gray hair came in and introduced herself, probably sent by Dave.

"Hi Colonel, I'm Helen. I'm one of the nurses who'll be with you tonight."

"Hi," he breathed out slowly.

"Do you need anything right now?" she asked.

John attempted to shake his head but he didn't think it moved all that much. He flicked back to a college basketball game and stammered, "All … se…et."

"It's just that your brother's paid for private nursing so…"

John's fingers tapped on his touch pad and his eyes looked toward the small screen. Helen looked also and saw that it said HE WORRIES TOO MUCH.

"Wow!" she exclaimed. "This is cool! How does it work?"

MORSE CODE

"And it translates it. Wow! Oh, I already said that, didn't I?"

I'M FINE DO SOMETHING USEFUL

Helen chuckled, "What! You don't think sitting here watching _you_ watch the game is useful?"

IF YOU LIKE SPORTS STAY

"Actually, I'd rather watch football," Helen informed him.

NOW YOU'RE TALKING

"Okay, next football game, it's a date, handsome," Helen promised then continued, "If you really don't need me, there _are_ a million other things I could be doing. Promise me you'll buzz if you need _anything_."

John nodded.

"Can you reach the button? It's on the side railing here. It's the big red cross, kind of hard to miss."

John moved his fingers, then attempted to lift his hand. It only went up so high before it fell back on the bed. Next he moved his fingers and tried to crawl them over to and up the railing. It took a while and a bit of heavy breathing, but he finally reached the button.

Helen scowled and said, "You know, Colonel, that was pretty painful to watch. I can't imagine what it felt like to do it. We're going to have to think of another way."

HOW ABOUT THIS

John pushed the volume button on the remote until it got uncomfortably loud.

Helen laughed, grabbed the remote to lower the sound and said, "I think that'll do it. Good idea, Colonel. Enjoy the game and I'll peek in on you every now and then."

John gave her a half smile and she left. _Okay, unlimited sports channels, nurses at my beck and call, I suppose this could be okay. If only I could move or walk or eat!_

John settled in to watch the game but after barely twenty minutes he nodded off and was sleeping again. Helen looked in on him a few minutes after that and felt a sadness overcome her. Most of the patients they had were well over sixty and were recovering from hip or knee replacements, strokes or other injuries. This man's file said he hadn't quite reached forty. From the pictures on his dresser, it looked like he was an active military person which explained the trim physique and well-toned muscles. People like this shouldn't need their help.

She picked up the picture of the Colonel and the little boy. They looked like they were having so much fun. She wondered if the child was his and if so, where he was now. With or without specific instructions, she'd keep an extra eye out for this one. She figured he deserved it.

.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

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"Torren, please," Teyla begged, "it is very late and you must get some sleep!"

Torren continued to sit up in his bed holding a picture book. "Mama, we see Unta Dohn?" His eyes were sad and pleading.

Teyla gave a big sigh and wondered when her son would stop insisting on seeing John. She had told him many times that John was away healing. Torren had seen John go through the gate himself. But gate travel was so common for them that Torren did not understand that John would not be coming back any time soon.

Teyla still had difficulty believing it herself. John had only been gone for two days but already there was a different feel to the city, like the city herself was sad. John had been away for several days at a time before, but this time everyone knew he would not be coming back anytime soon. Some were even betting that he would never recover fully and therefore would not be allowed back by his country's military.

Just this afternoon, Teyla had torn a large strip off two Marines who were discussing that very possibility. But honestly, they knew more than she did what his country required physically to be considered fit for duty. She knew John was strong in both spirit and body; she just hoped and prayed he was strong enough to beat this newest challenge.

She looked back at her son and tried to think of a way to coerce him into lying down. Last night she had needed to play the recording of John reading Good Night Moon to Torren four times before he grew tired enough to rest. Tonight she had already played it five times and still the child refused to lie down.

Even the feel and scent of his quilt and stuffed giraffe could not comfort him. As she looked at these items in her son's hand, a thought came to her. She moved to pick him up as she said, "Let us go for a walk to get you tired."

She slipped a pair of shoes on his bare feet and held his hand as they walked through the halls. Torren got excited as he saw their destination. Teyla opened the door and walked into John's quarters. They felt empty and cold.

"Unta Dohn!" Torren yelled as he looked around the room. Teyla's heart broke as she saw the hope in her son's eyes. She had not meant to do that.

She walked over to John's hamper and pulled out a red, plaid shirt that John occasionally wore when off-duty. She called Torren over to John's bed, took off his shoes and deposited him under the sheets.

"I told you that Uncle John is not here. He will be gone for a long time, but I think he would like it if we kept his room safe and warm for him. Do you think you can help me with that?"

Torren blinked and nodded. "I seep here, Mama?"

Teyla smiled and handed John's shirt to Torren along with his quilt and stuffed animal. "For a little while, yes."

Torren took the items his mother handed him and put his head down on the pillow. His thumb went into his mouth and the red shirt was held to his face. Within minutes Torren's eyes drifted closed. Teyla sighed with relief. Maybe Ronon had been right when he said John's scent was what made her son fall asleep so easily with him.

She was glad her son was asleep but she had been a bit hasty in coming here. It was too soon to attempt to carry him back to their quarters. He would surely wake up. But Teyla herself was exhausted and in need of sleep. Torren had taken so long to go down that it was now the time that _she_ usually retired for the night.

She looked down at the snug Athosian top and military style pants she wore and realized they were not conducive to resting. She glanced around the room and opened a few drawers. Many things had been packed by Dave to take back to Earth, but a few black t-shirts were still here. Guilt consumed her for a moment but then disappeared when she realized that John would never object to her borrowing a shirt of his.

She quickly shed her clothes and slipped into the shirt. John was not an overly large man but he was much taller than Teyla so the shirt fell almost to her knees. She slid into bed beside her son and gathered him into her arms. John's scent was strong on the shirt that Torren held and Teyla breathed it in.

Memories flooded through her; the first time she had seen John and he had flashed her that crooked grin, and later when he had found and put her necklace on for her.

John's defending her to both Elizabeth and Bates, giving her his complete trust.

The many missions they went on together and the many times they faced death together.

John's bravery when Kolya had allowed Todd to feed on him again and again.

John's enthralled face the first time he felt Torren move from within her.

And his bravery, yet again, when a few minutes later he climbed the outside of the central tower when the lack of ventilation started affecting her.

John coming to her rescue when she was about to give birth despite his severe injuries.

John holding Torren shortly after and flying them all to safety.

John reading her son bedtime stories with absolute patience and love.

These memories filled her with warmth but they also brought with them a sadness in knowing there would be no new ones in a very long time.

Wetness appeared on Teyla's cheeks but she made no move to wipe it away. The tears continued to course down her face until exhaustion, mercifully, made her join her son in slumber.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo

.

"Good morning, Lisa. How are you this lovely morning?" Helen greeted her colleague.

"Good morning," Lisa returned suspiciously as she approached the nurse's station. She looked at the two women sitting there and addressed the younger one.

"Okay, Gina, why is Helen so cheery this morning?"

Helen looked insulted. "What? I can't greet a friend when they start the day. Especially _this_ day when you're meeting a new patient."

"You've met him already?" Lisa asked.

Both women smiled broadly, eyes twinkling and said, Yes!" in unison. "We took care of him yesterday after he arrived.

"Oh, God!" Lisa said horrified. "He's like three hundred pounds, isn't he? My back will never be the same."

"Definitely _not_ three hundred pounds," Gina confirmed, her eyes still gleaming. "You are one lucky woman, though."

"Okay, you've had your fun," Lisa accused, "Now give? What is wrong with him?"

Helen smiled again and replied, "Absolutely nothing from what I can see. Other than the fact that he's completely paralyzed."

"We _are_ talking about the big wig Air Force Colonel with the rich well-connected brother?" Lisa confirmed.

"Yeah, and the brother's not bad, either!" stated Gina.

"How old is this guy?" Lisa asked. "I mean, Air Force _Colonel._ My uncle retired as a Major in his late fifties."

"Well this Colonel's done some pretty good stuff, I guess. He got a Medal of Honor from the President last year and I know they don't pass those out to just anyone."

"No, they don't," Lisa agreed. "So, under fifty then?"

"Birth date says he's not even forty yet," Gina supplied.

"Wow! What room do they have him in?"

"Room 201," Helen said. "Nice and private at the end of the hall."

"Is he up yet?" Lisa asked as she checked her watch. It was only 7:35 am. Their shift wasn't scheduled to start until 8:00.

"Donna was on last night and she said he was awake before five," Helen said, "But who knows what time zone he's coming from. Supposedly he was injured out of the country somewhere. But nobody's telling us where."

"I wanted to check out his medical file before I started today, but if he's already up…" Lisa began.

"Oh, don't worry," Gina assured her, "Rosie went in to terrorize him about ten minutes ago.

Lisa chuckled then sat down at one of the computers to look at her new patient's file.

"Hmm, let's see," she said as she started reading. "John Patrick Sheppard, Colonel, US Air Force, age 39. Next of kin and responsible party is David Sheppard. Hey," she looked at Gina and Helen, "this guy's the son of Patrick Sheppard, you know from Sheppard Industries."

"Hence the pull to get a private room here, even though there's a long waiting list."

Lisa continued, "It says here that a neurotoxin caused complete paralysis. That sounds scary. What was he doing to have that happen? And there's no other information other than neurotoxin. So, is Rosie working on talking or eating?"

"Both," came a new voice from the other side of the desk.

"Hey, Donna," Lisa greeted. "I'm just checking out the medical file on my new private patient. So he can't speak at all?"

"He can say a few things, but not a lot and not very fast. And it takes a tremendous amount of effort to do. He's also got dysphasia which is what Rosie's working on now. She put Thick-It in some juice to see if he can handle that. The poor guy's been fed through an IV for a week now. He must be starving."

"Any idea how he got infected with the neurotoxin?" Lisa asked.

Donna shrugged. "He's got some pretty nasty lacerations running from his neck to his shoulder. I had to change the bandages when I came on duty last night. Even after a week, they're still pretty raw. And even though he kept saying he was fine, I could tell he was in pain when I cleaned the wounds."

Lisa shook her head and looked through a bit more of Sheppard's file. "You know this guy must have seen quite a bit of action. His file lists a whole slew of injuries from gunshot and stab wounds to concussions and broken bones."

"And the cute Scottish doctor who brought him in yesterday, said it was only _part_ of his medical records," Helen added.

Lisa stood up, put her stethoscope around her neck and grabbed her clipboard. "I guess I should go in and meet him and make sure Rosie hasn't chewed him up and spit him out yet."

Gina chuckled, "Oh, this one is quite delicious. I don't think anyone would be crazy enough to spit him out, not even Rosie."

"No," Donna agreed. "I think Rosie's already fallen for those eyes. He's got these sad puppy dog eyes. Of course, he's got a reason to be sad. He can't walk or talk."

"And we're going to fix that," Lisa claimed. "I've got his therapy schedule right here and it's a full one." She held up the clipboard, said goodbye to her colleagues and headed off down to the end of the hall.

She approached the door of Room 201 and stood for a minute to observe her new charge. Rosie was in the process of taking a spoon from his mouth. The man had his eyes closed and was obviously struggling to get the thickened liquid down his throat.

After a few seconds, he opened his eyes and nodded to Rosie who said, "You're a fast learner, Colonel. You ready for another one?"

He took a deep breath and nodded. Rosie waited and the man rolled his eyes and said, "Ye…ess."

Rosie chuckled and lifted the spoon to his mouth. Lisa was glad to see that he could open his mouth by himself and while attempting to swallow, she could see his fists clenching and unclenching. That was always a good sign.

Thinking back to the comments from the other nurses, she had to admit, they were right. He was very good looking. She wouldn't even have guessed that he was close to forty. His body was trim and athletic and he was probably about six feet tall, judging by how much of the bed he took up. He had a terrible case of bed head and desperately needed a shave but she could take care of that soon enough.

After a few more struggles with the juice, Rosie announced, "That's enough for right now, Colonel. You haven't had anything in that stomach for almost a week. We need to take it slow. I'll be back at lunch and we'll try again. Another few good feedings and I think we can take that IV out."

His eyes lit up and he asked, Rea…ll…y?"

Rosie nodded and said, "Yup, we've got some shakes that are filled with nutrients. If you can get this stuff down, you can get those down."

"Th…ank …yo…u," Sheppard stammered.

"Oh, now you're just trying to sweet talk me, Green Eyes," Rosie accused.

John's lips twitched and his eyes grew mischievous as he said, "Co …ff..ee?"

Rosie threw back her head and laughed. "Oh, you are good, honey, you are good! But no coffee right now. First off, the liquid's too thin and hot and you'll choke on it. You need a bit more control on those throat muscles. Second, I think we'll wait a few more days before we give you any caffeine."

At Sheppard's dejected look, she offered, "But I'll make a deal with you. When you can tell me all about the people in those pictures," she pointed to the two pictures on his dresser, "I'll bring you in a coffee shake."

His eyes moved to the left and he attempted to turn his head a bit. Lisa noticed his eyes turn dark and depressed and a sadness encompass his face. She'd have to look closer at the pictures later. Now she figured was a good time to introduce herself.

She walked all the way through the door and over to the bed. She nodded at Rosie then said, "Hi, Colonel Sheppard? I'm Lisa." She reached down and took his right hand in hers and gave a small squeeze. She was thrilled to feel a slight pressure back, no matter how weak.

"I've been assigned as your Day Nurse while you're here with us. I should be here most mornings by eight am, just in time to rescue you from being completely terrorized by Rosie, here."

Rosie just chuckled. "I took it easy on you today, your first day and all. But don't think you'll get by so easy from now on. We do breakfast, lunch and dinner together every day. And I'm not one for the strong, silent type, so you'd better start thinking up some scintillating dinner conversation. You hear me, handsome?"

John smiled then realized this woman expected more than that. "Yes,…ma…am."

Rosie got up and moved toward the door. "Oh, Lisa, if you really need some expanded answers, he's got some fancy communication device he brought with him. I confiscated it and put it in his bedside table. I told him that he won't make any progress unless he talks but I get that sometimes he might need to get across more than he can say."

"But don't worry, Colonel, we're going to fix that real soon. You didn't have any damage to the brain like we get with stroke victims. You know _how_ to speak and make the sounds you need to make. We just need to loosen up those vocal chords enough to do it. Just watch, it's going to be a piece of cake."

"Choc…lit … or…va …nil…la?" John managed with a grin.

Rosie and Lisa both laughed and Rosie said, "Keep talking like this and you can have both, gorgeous. I may even have to leave my husband for you."

With that she walked out the door. Lisa moved over to the bed, checked John's IV and picked up his wrist to check his pulse. As she took his vitals, she told him, "Don't pay any attention to Rosie. She threatens to leave her husband for all her male patients. She's been married close to thirty-five years and we all think he's a saint for putting up with her."

Lisa picked up his chart to record his information. "Like…her," he said and Lisa chuckled.

"Well, don't tell her that. She might get nice or something. We need her mean to keep the patients in line."

"Our …se..cret," John smiled and winked at her.

Lisa laughed again then crossed her arms and stared at him. "I've gotta tell you Colonel, you're not at all what I expected."

"Tall…er?" John questioned.

Lisa nodded. "Taller, thinner, younger, sure. But truthfully, I expected some stuffy, pompous dignitary who felt entitled to the best of everything. You don't seem to be that type."

"Soon…prom…ise," John said.

Lisa's grin grew wider and she winked at John, "Just as long as you don't disappoint."

She finished her cursory examination and picked up the clipboard again. "Okay, Colonel, you've got a pretty full day today. Typically your schedule will run very similar each day with the exception of weekends. You'll still have some therapies but it'll be a little lighter. So, as you probably figured out, you start with Rosie around 7:30 for breakfast and torture. I come in around 8:00. Around 8:15, Mary, your Occupational Therapist will come in."

At John's confused look, Lisa explained, "An OT works on daily life skills; cleaning, dressing, using utensils, tying your shoes. Mostly fine motor skills."

John nodded and she continued, "Mary and I will use her time to give you a shower, do hair, teeth, and shave. You do shave, don't you?"

John gave a soft chuckle and nodded his head.

"Okay," she went on. "We'll get you dressed and ready for the day. Mary will work on this until you're able to do it yourself. After OT, you get an hour and a half of Physical Therapy. Josh will be working with you most of the time."

"Met…him," John said.

"Oh, good, so you know you'll have a little competition for the ladies' affections."

John gave Lisa a disbelieving look as he gazed down at his inert body.

Lisa shook her head and pointed her finger from John's head to foot. "Oh, don't think this is going to turn 'em off. You're the perfect man. You can't run away or interrupt while they're talking to you. They have your undivided attention."

John looked a little fearful wondering how much truth was in what she was saying.

"Don't worry; part of my job is running interference. Anyway, Josh will work on getting you mobile again. You'll do lots of stretching to begin with and focus more on large motor skills. After Josh, you get a half hour with Tammy, our Massage Therapist. You'll probably need it after Josh finishes with you. Then back to the room for lunch and Speech with Rosie."

"You?" John asked

"Where will I be during this time? With you. You'll need a lot of help at first and I'll work _with _the therapists. After a while you won't need my assistance as much. It's kind of like my kids." She shrugged. "They don't need me now that they're a little bigger."

She saw the Colonel's eyes flicker over one of the pictures on the dresser. She now saw that it was the Colonel and a little boy playing with blocks. His eyes grew sad and he let out a sigh. As he looked back in her direction, she looked down at the clipboard, allowing him time for the emotion he was feeling without an audience.

"After Rosie's done with you," Lisa started up again, "you get a rest period until about two-ish. That's when I usually take my lunch unless Rosie doesn't need me, then I can take it earlier. But there are other nurses around who can give you a hand if you need something. Then at 2:00 you get PT for another hour and a half. Once you've got a bit more upper body mobility back, they'll let you do afternoon PT in the pool with Kristy. She's a PT who specializes in aquatic therapy. She does some individual and some group stuff."

"After PT you get another massage or once you're in the pool, you'll use the Jacuzzi. Then it's OT for another half hour and dinner with Rosie. I'll be leaving shortly after Rosie gets here. I've gotta go home and feed my guys."

"Who?" John asked.

"My husband and two boys. The oldest is twelve and the youngest is ten. I usually work Per Diem just a few days a week, but my oldest needs braces so I took on this longer assignment. So, don't get any ideas about getting better too fast." She wagged her finger at John. "Not until I've got those braces paid for."

They both snickered and John promised, "O…kay."

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

John moved the head of his bed almost all the way down. When he was done, he let out a relieved groan. He had been sitting up in his bed or a wheelchair for a large portion of the day and his body was too tired to do it anymore. He'd thought basic training was bad but it certainly didn't compare to rehab.

He hadn't slept well during the night and he hated to admit that it was due to nerves. He'd been nervous about what the therapists would say about his condition, today. His fear was that they would take one look at him and say there was no way they could help him. He should just get used to his disability because he was going to have to live with it.

But none of them had said that. They had all been very encouraging actually, pointing out the progress he'd already made.

He thought back on all he'd done today and all the people he'd met. Yesterday he'd met Helen. She was one of the floor nurses but she had been in to visit him a few times today. She had talked about her grandson, who was two years old, about football, with John throwing in a word or two, if he could. There were a few other nurses who had wandered in throughout the night, but he couldn't remember all their names.

Then Rosie had shown up early in the morning. She had been like one of his drill sergeants, physically as well as personality wise. She'd told him in no uncertain terms that he would be talking again soon and he needed to cooperate fully or else. He didn't really want to know what the 'or else' was. But she had given him his first food in a week, such as it was. And she had massaged his face and neck and shown him some exercise he could do to improve both his eating and his speech.

Lisa, average size and a long brown ponytail, had come next. He had gotten to know her the most as she was with him all day. Crimson covered his face as he remembered exactly how much she had done. When his OT, Mary, had shown up, a tall, thin woman in her late forties, the two of them had made short work of disconnecting his IV, stripping him down, putting him in what they called a 'shower chair' and cleaning him up.

They'd soaped, shampooed, showered, shaved and brushed his teeth. They'd been as quick as possible but without his help it had taken about thirty minutes. Getting him dressed in a t-shirt and exercise pants had taken way longer than he thought possible. He was thankful for the help and to be clean but had been horrified that he couldn't do any of it himself. They'd laughed when they'd realized what they thought was just a severe case of bed head was actually his family of cowlicks dancing across his head.

Next they had transferred him to a regular wheelchair and strapped him in. He was disgusted that he didn't even have the body strength to sit upright in a wheelchair without falling out. He planned to make that his number one goal. Josh seemed to think so, too. He and Lisa had moved him to a mat where Josh had evaluated his range of motion and mobility. John couldn't do much but lie there as the man stretched and manipulated his limbs in every direction.

After almost an hour of this, John was covered in sweat and short of breath. Then Josh had announced the hard part. He would push against one of John's limbs and he wanted John to push back as much as he could. He was almost begging for a hungry Wraith to come along by the time he was finished.

Then it was off to a small, dimly lit room where he was once again stripped, this time only to his boxers and placed on another low mat. A sheet was draped over him and he almost wept when the young woman, Tammy, started working her magic on the tortured muscles that hadn't been used in a week.

He'd come back to his room and Rosie had gotten another dozen spoonfuls of the thickened liquid into him. It had a consistency not unlike baby food. The taste was fine but unfortunately it wasn't very filling.

He'd been so exhausted from his full morning that he actually fell asleep when he was supposed to be talking to Rosie. He'd been awakened by Lisa around 2:00 and had dreaded going back for more PT. But Josh realized it was his first day moving in a week so the only thing he did was have John sit up in his wheelchair. He'd take the strap off from around his chest and see how long John could go without toppling over.

As this was one of John's goals, he had put a significant amount of effort into beating his last time. They'd give him ten minutes in between to rest. Lisa had put his earphones in and turned his iPod to shuffle while he was doing this. He wasn't sure if they were trying to pass the time quicker or talk about him so he couldn't hear them. Either way, he didn't care as he had managed to get up to almost five minutes without the strap holding him up.

Josh seemed pretty impressed and told him he was encouraged by what John could already do. Of course, he also added that John was at least twenty years younger than most of his clients.

He had another massage and then Mary had come back for his second OT session of the day. John had been wiped and she had sensed this so Lisa suggested John show them how the communication device worked. John answered a few questions for them but was too tired to do more than that.

Lisa was just reattaching the IV that they had unhooked earlier for his therapy sessions, when Rosie came in again. She took one look at his eyes at half mast and said, "First day of rehab's a bitch, ain't it?"

John barely had the strength to smile and only managed a grumble that he hoped sounded enough like a yes to satisfy Rosie. Apparently it did, because she gave him a patient smile and said she'd see him in the morning.

Now here he was, reclined in his bed, without even the strength to press the button to turn the remote on. Well it had definitely not been a boring day, he had to admit. Painful, yes, but boring, no. He groaned as he thought about doing it all over again tomorrow and his eyes fluttered closed and his mind drifted off.

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xoxoxoxox oxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

.

"Hey handsome, I heard you were supposed to stop working when the clock struck five." Julia said as she walked into David Sheppard's office. "It's almost six and you're still here…working."

Her fiancé looked up from the laptop in front of him and replied, "I know but I was gone for a week and there's a ton of things I need to catch up on."

Julia walked behind him and started rubbing his shoulders. "It'll still be there tomorrow," she pointed out.

David leaned his head back against her and let out a soft, "Mmmmmm, that feels nice."

"So tell me what happened with John," Julia instructed. "You didn't get a chance to say much more than you both arrived back safely and that John was settled in at Meadowgreen."

"I'm not sure how much of this I can actually tell you about," David said.

"Top secret, huh?" Julia teased.

"You have no idea. Top secret doesn't even _begin_ to describe this place," David confessed. "It took a few days to actually get there, and no, I can't tell you where, not yet anyway," he added when he realized the news crew that had caused John's injury were planning to tell the world soon enough anyway. He'd make sure he told Julia before then.

"When we got there, John had already started breathing again and had been taken off the ventilator. It took a few days to get him stabilized enough to travel so I spent quite a bit of time with his team and a few other people he works with."

"Can you tell me about them?" Julia asked.

"Yeah," David replied. "I've actually mentioned a few of them before. Ronon was at Dad's wake. Dr. Keller, Amelia and Dr. McKay, I'd met in San Francisco when I had lunch with John last year."

"What about the little boy and his mom you said John was so taken with?" Julia inquired.

"Teyla and Torren, or as John calls him, T.J." David supplied. "Teyla spent quite a bit of time with John and she brought Torren to see him a few times as well. They take care of him there. He was almost never alone. He's pretty important on base and everyone spoke very highly of him. It was really weird hearing everyone talk about all the stuff he'd done."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Mostly crazy, dangerous things to save people's lives," David said. "I'll tell you more later. Now I want to call the rehab and see how he is. I'm wondering if I should drive out to see him."

"When do _**I**_ get to meet him?" Julia asked.

David looked guilty and assured her, "He _does_ want to meet you. It's just that right now John's pretty upset about what happened. He doesn't want you to meet him the way he is; unable to move or talk."

"He's really that bad?" Julia wondered.

David nodded his head. "A few words and he can wiggle a couple of fingers. Not much else."

Julia sat herself down in David's lap and kissed him softly on the lips. "You okay?"

David sighed and shook his head. "I've never seen John like this before. He's hurt himself plenty, believe me. He always envisioned himself a mini Evel Knievel. But this time…" David closed his eyes and sighed again. When he opened them, Julia could see the sorrow he was feeling.

"It's painful watching him struggle just to get one little word out. And I know it's getting him down. I wish I could do more for him."

"Well, why don't you start with that phone call you were going to make," Julia suggested.

David agreed, dialed the number on the business card he had sitting in front of him and pushed the speaker phone button. Julia smiled. She loved it when he did things that showed they were a team. The phone rang a few times then was picked up.

"Meadowgreen, second floor, West"

"Hi, this is David Sheppard. My brother John is a patient there. I was calling to check on him."

"Of course, Mr. Sheppard. Lisa's gone for the day but let me see if I can track down his file to see what kind of day he had."

David and Julia could hear some talking in the background then a different voice came on the line.

"Mr. Sheppard, This is Rosie Lynch, I'm the Colonel's Speech Path. You're lucky you caught me. I was just on my way out."

David leaned forward a bit and said, "Did you work with John today? How is he?"

Rosie chuckled, "I've gotta tell you, your brother's pretty amazing. I managed to get some food into him today. Not quite solid food, but he tried his damndest to get it down. I also gave him some vocal exercises and like before his effort was outstanding. I'm supposed to meet with him three times a day but he was so wiped at dinner that I didn't have the heart to make him do anything else."

"Why was he so tired?" David asked, concerned.

"The first full day of rehab is always difficult, especially when there's been any length of time between the injury and the start of therapy."

David sighed, "It was almost a week before he was stable enough to travel back to the States."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much, Mr. Sheppard. Your brother impressed pretty much everyone today with his stamina and he never complained once, about anything. That doesn't happen too often. He was pushed quite a bit in his morning PT because Josh wanted to get an evaluation of his condition. And the Colonel pushed _himself_ in his afternoon therapy."

"How is he now?" David asked. "I was thinking I would drive out to see him tonight."

"You could," Rosie agreed, "But you wouldn't _see_ much. He crashed about forty-minutes ago and he's out for the count. After the day he had, I don't imagine he'll wake up any time before morning."

David was torn. He wanted to make sure John was all right but he didn't want to make the thirty minute drive just to watch him sleep. "If you're sure he's out for the night, I guess I could wait for tomorrow."

"That might be best," Rosie concurred. "I'll see him first thing in the morning. How about if I tell him that you called asking about him."

"That would be great. Thank you. Let him know I'll try and get there tomorrow."

"Will do, Mr. Sheppard. It was nice talking with you. And don't worry; the Colonel has already wormed his way into everyone's heart around here. We'll make sure to look after him."

David thanked her again and hung up. He leaned back in his chair and pulled Julia with him. Julia was more than happy to rest against him.

"So I guess I'm not going tonight," David stated.

Julia leaned away from him slightly and started loosening his tie. "So I guess that means you have time on your hands right now." She started unbuttoning the top few buttons of his shirt. "Hmm, I wonder what we could possibly do." Her hands undid a few more buttons then moved inside his shirt.

David looked scandalized and grabbed her hands as he said, "Julia, what if somebody walks in?"

Julia gave him an 'are you serious' look. "You're the CEO. Who's going to walk in without knocking? Plus it's almost 6:30. Any decent person is home now. Besides you've played it safe far too long, David Sheppard. You need to start living dangerously."

As she said this, her hands started on his belt buckle. David sucked in a large breath as his heart beat sped up. His hands started their own exploration to the point he didn't care if anyone _did_ walk in.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo


	6. Chapter 6

.

The door to the rec room was open and Dave could hear voices floating out as he walked down the hall toward it. He stopped in the doorway to look for his brother and took note of the people inside. The room was crowded and most of the people inside were a good twenty or thirty years older than John. They were sitting at tables, playing cards, Chess or other games, gathered around a large TV set or just sitting in clusters talking. Many were in wheelchairs, but not all of them. Saturday was a light therapy day for these people so Dave assumed the room was more crowded because of this.

He felt bad that he hadn't made it in to see John the last two days. John's first full day, he'd been too tired for a visitor and yesterday Dave just hadn't been able to get away from work until after 8:30 and then he figured it was too late to come. He hoped John understood.

His gaze continued around the room until he spotted his brother sitting over near a window, all by himself. Dave started to smile when he realized John was sitting up in a wheelchair, but then he took a closer look and he felt a tug on his heart. He could see that John had a strap around his chest holding him upright.

He also noticed John's eyes, the ones that usually spoke volumes, were completely devoid of emotion. He was just staring blankly at the floor. Every now and then his eyes would flicker toward someone laughing or some other noise but then they would glaze over and return to the floor. Dave almost couldn't watch. He hated seeing John like this, so defeated. And it had only been ten days since the accident. What would he be like in a month or so?

John was a fighter no matter the circumstances. He never gave up. Dave couldn't remember how many fights he'd seen John and their Dad get into and Patrick Sheppard would always have the last word. But John, John would always have the last action, whether it was something as simple as slamming a door or something more outrageous like disappearing for a few days or … joining the Air Force. John never allowed himself to be defeated. But, to Dave, it looked like that had changed.

He took a deep breath and walked into the room where John was. "Hey, John!" he greeted and was happy to see John's eyes light up when he saw who was talking.

"Hi!" John returned and Dave saw relief come over his brother's features.

"I'm sorry I didn't get here the last few days," Dave explained as he pulled over a chair and sat next to John. "You know how work is. Did they tell you I called?"

John nodded, "Rosie," he confirmed then added, "said…you…sound…sexy." John's eyebrows rose and his grin got bigger.

"Really?" Dave laughed.

John nodded, "Told…her…no." His face was deadly serious for a second then he snorted and laughed and his head dropped.

Dave chuckled right along with him and sarcastically replied, "Thanks!"

John's mood had markedly improved and with it so had Dave's.

"How's … Julia?" John stammered.

'Amazing' was the word that popped into Dave's head as he remembered what'd happened two nights ago after he'd called here. Sometimes she made him feel seventeen again, getting all hot and bothered in the back seat of a car. Only this time it had been his desk in the office where he worked. He still couldn't believe they'd done it.

Something of his thoughts must have shown on his face because John chuckled and said, "That … good …huh?"

Dave looked up horrified and his blush deepened. He tried but he couldn't get the grin off his face especially with his brother's grin getting wider by the second.

"She's fine," he finally managed to get out. He took a deep breath and asked, "How've you been? They tell me you're working hard."

John rolled his eyes and a small grimace came on his face. "Sore … but … good … to … move. Today … going … nuts."

"Did you have any therapies today? You were supposed to have something." Dave asked concerned that he wasn't getting his money's worth or that John was going a whole day without moving.

But John nodded. "PT … hour … this … morn ..ing."

John looked out the window as his brother replied, "Good!"

Dave noticed and offered, "Do you want to take a walk outside? It's a fairly mild day … for February."

John's eyes lit up and he nodded as vigorously as he could. Dave got up, unlocked John's wheelchair and started pushing John toward the door. As they left, Dave leaned over and asked, "Should we tell someone that we're going?"

John's eyes turned mischievous and a small grin appeared as he said, "No." But since Dave was behind him he only heard the word.

John knew they should probably tell someone, but Lisa wasn't here on weekends and the nurse who had been with him today, he was certain, must have trained in a prison ward. Warm and fuzzy, she wasn't. The shower and shave he'd gotten this morning had been less than gentle. He'd almost cried out when she'd cleaned his wound and changed the bandages.

And she'd actually gotten mad at him when she'd combed his hair and it hadn't stayed down. Like that was his fault. Of course it wasn't the first time he'd gotten in trouble for his unruly hair. He remembered the private high school he and Dave had gone to. John had gotten more than a few detentions for '_not following the dress code'_ until the Head Master himself had stepped in.

The man had given John a fifteen minute lecture on not tolerating acts of insubordination and why it was important to conform to certain standards. Then he had tried to comb John's hair down himself. He'd tried wetting it and even went so far as to borrow some hairspray from his secretary. It had stayed down for all of thirty seconds and then BOING the mass of cowlicks had popped right back up.

The Head Master had looked ready to explode but could hardly argue that John had done anything wrong. John had gone home, showered the sticky spray out of his hair then had laughed his ass off.

He'd never told anyone about that incident but he'd developed the annoying habit of running his fingers through his hair whenever the Head Master was around. The man clearly hadn't liked being reminded of his actions but as John had outstanding grades and his father had been a huge supporter of the school, there wasn't much he could do.

But John had learned early that pushing people's buttons could be a lot of fun. Especially to a fourteen year old boy who had recently lost his mother and whose father couldn't be bothered to find out who he was.

The thought sobered him up as they approached the outside doors. They walked through them and John felt the chill in the air touch his skin but after being inside for the past ten days, it felt like heaven.

Dave pushed him down one of the walkways and strolled under the canopied trees. They reached a small grassy area with a few benches and Dave stopped. He set the break and sat on the bench so he was facing John.

"Is it too cold out here for you?" Dave asked concerned.

John closed his eyes, turned his face up into the sun that was streaming down and breathed in a huge breath of air. "Perfect!" he declared and kept his eyes closed and his face turned up. A contented sigh escaped his mouth and he said, "Thank …you."

Dave looked at his brother's face, so different now than it had been twenty minutes ago. By John's reaction, you'd think he hadn't been outside in a year. It made his heart glad that he could do something, even so small, to make his brother happy.

John finally opened his eyes and looked at Dave. "Sorry, …enjoy..ing … the sun."

"Don't apologize, John," Dave said. "Whatever I can do to make you more comfortable, just let me know."

"Okay," John said then moved his hand slowly to rest on his chest. "Take … strap… off."

Dave's eyes opened in alarm. "You can't sit up by yourself yet … can you?"

"Short … while," John nodded. "Helps … strengthen … muscles."

Dave looked doubtful but reached for the strap anyway. "If you're sure."

As the sides of the straps fell, John's hands gripped the arms of the chair tighter. He looked at Dave and instructed, "Time … me."

The look in John's eyes told Dave that this was another competitive thing. He shook his head, checked his watch then laughed. "What's your best time so far?"

"Six … minutes."

Dave had to hand it to John's Physical Therapist; he knew how to motivate his brother. If you wanted him to do something, make a bet out of it. He'd have to tell him if he needed even more motivation to attach some money to the bet.

Dave wasn't sure if John could talk while he was doing this, but sitting quietly for six minutes would feel strange, too, so Dave decide he would talk. And do it so John wouldn't have to.

He started talking about work and the Board of Directors. The longer he talked, the tenser John's face got. At first he thought John was upset that he was talking about work but then he noticed John's hands had a death grip on the arms of the wheelchair and his knuckles were turning white. He continued a few more sentences but stopped when John's face showed him to be in extreme pain.

"John!" Dave warned. "I think you should stop now."

John's lips pinched tighter and his head gave a little shake. His eyes closed, his breathing increased and Dave could start to see sweat accumulating on his forehead. When Dave couldn't stand it any longer, he put his hands out to reach for his brother, but John had reached his tolerance level, too and whispered, "Okay."

Dave's hands pushed John back from where he had slid and reached for the strap.

"Time," John demanded as he leaned back and tried to slow his breathing.

Dave checked his watch in amazement that, even in extreme pain, his brother's first thought was beating his last time. "Almost eight minutes."

The smug look on John's face was worth watching him struggle through the last few minutes.

"You know, John," Dave said, "You keep this up and you might be back in Atlantis in eight or nine months instead of the year Dr. Beckett predicted."

John seemed to think about this then said, "Six."

When Dave realized John meant six months he almost doubled over laughing. "Okay, Mr. Competitive, how about we get you back inside. It's probably close to dinner time."

John snarled, "Yeah," at this but nodded his head as Dave unlocked the chair and pushed him back inside.

When they got off the elevator and rolled past the nurses' station, one of the nurses called out. "Colonel Sheppard, um … Greta was looking for you. She seemed a little … upset."

"Greta?" Dave asked and the nurse at the desk said, "She's the private duty nurse for the Colonel this weekend."

"Oh," Dave said. "Well, when you see her, could you tell her he's back in his room."

Dave looked down and saw a mischievous grin on his face but when he said, "I thought you said we didn't need to tell anyone?" John just looked at him with such innocence that Dave almost believed he didn't know.

But the innocent face only lasted a few moments before John's head went down and his shoulders shook, a small laugh escaping his throat.

"John!" Dave groaned and then turned when he heard the nurse behind him chuckle as well. She tried to hide it and walked away to get a file on the other counter.

Dave started pushing John down the hall saying, "You know it's a good thing I'm the one paying for this nurse or we could be in some trouble here."

Dave pushed John's chair right over to the bed and asked, "Okay, so how do we get you in this? Did you want to get back in bed?" Dave knew it was just before five. Maybe John wanted to stay up a bit more.

John nodded and informed his brother, "Tired." He looked at the bed and said apologetically, "Need … two … people."

Dave was just about to go looking for someone to help when a thin woman with short, cropped blond hair marched into the room.

"Colonel Sheppard!" she thundered and Dave noticed John actually cringed for a second. Then she continued, her eyes filled with fire, "I put you in the rec room where you couldn't get into any trouble and you disappear on me."

"Um, excuse, me," Dave interrupted, "I took him outside.

"I'll get to _you_ in a minute!" she snapped at Dave then turned her intense gaze back at John. "Visitors should be signed in and not taking you anywhere without my express permission and presence. I'm getting paid good money to take care of you and you can't just wander off with one of your drinking buddies without letting me know where you are."

"Excuse me," Dave interrupted again, this time a little louder and firmer. "First off, you're yelling at a man who can't move himself or speak more than a few words and blaming him for _moving_ and _not_ telling you. Secondly, I came in and had almost a ten minute conversation with John _before_ we decided to go outside. If you're getting paid to _watch_ him, then you're not doing what you're supposed to be doing and thirdly, _I'm_ David Sheppard, the Colonel's brother. _I'm_ the one paying that good money for you as well as for his treatment and stay here."

The woman's eyes nearly bugged out of her head at Dave's last statement. He was ready to toss her out of the room, but one look at John, who was starting to wilt, made him change his mind, at least temporarily.

"Right now," Dave began again, "my brother is very tired and I need you to help me get him into bed."

"Certainly," she answered crisply and moved to John's side. She unhooked the strap around John's chest and walked Dave through the process of moving a patient from a wheelchair to a bed. When John was settled comfortably on the bed, Dave looked again at the woman, who seemed less vicious and more nervous.

"When does John eat dinner?"

"He doesn't really _eat_," she supplied. "He's still on a thickened liquid diet. We have a nutrient supplement for him. It's kind of like a thick shake. But there's only one SLP on duty on weekends to help with feeding. She should be coming in here soon."

The words were barely out of her mouth, when a young woman walked in saying, "Hey again, Colonel. You ready for supper?" She held up a can and said, "You wanted strawberry flavored this time, right?"

"Yes," John answered and she walked to the side of the bed. When she was near Dave, she smiled and held out her hand. "Hi, I'm Trish. I do feeding time at the zoo on weekends."

Dave shook her hand and introduced himself then turned when he heard what sounded like monkey noises coming from John. _God, did the man ever stop?_

Trish just laughed and got busy working with John to drink the shake with a straw. Dave sat down in a chair near the bed and noticed Greta was busying herself by tidying up the bathroom.

Trish finished up, announced she had other animals to feed and told John she'd see him in the morning. Greta came back in and started taking John's vital signs.

As she was recording them on his chart, Dave asked, "How long are you here until tonight?"

He didn't want to judge people prematurely but this lady wouldn't be his first choice to give his brother the care he needed. She might be an excellent nurse but her bedside manner needed some work.

"I have another fifteen minutes," she said.

"What else needs to be done for him before you leave?" inquired Dave.

She looked down at the chart in her hand and said, "Just to hook up his IV again. We need to keep him hydrated until he's able to consume more by himself."

Dave nodded and she began reconnecting the tube. Dave saw John's eyes flutter closed and then open again when his head dropped. Just the little he did today obviously had worn him out.

When Greta finished with the IV, Dave told her she could take off and he'd stay with John for a while. She left looking a bit wary and said she'd be back in the morning. Dave wasn't sure he wanted her back. He looked at John who was fighting to keep his eyes open.

"Do you want her back, John? Because I can make arrangements for a different nurse," Dave suggested.

"No, … fine," John said and shrugged. "Super …bowl."

"Right," Dave responded. "Um, I actually have plans for tomorrow night. I'm sorry, John. I made these plans weeks ago."

John shook his head, "Don't … worry, …fine."

"You can watch it here and the TV's good sized," Dave pointed out.

"Fine," John repeated as he continued fighting to stay awake. "Help …with … shoes …please," John asked.

Dave removed the sneakers on John's feet and at his indication his socks, also. "I can see you're ready to nod off, what have you been sleeping in?"

John nodded to the t-shirt and sweats he was wearing and said, "Fine."

"Well, you're going to run out of clothes soon since you didn't have a whole lot to begin with. I'll make sure I bring some next time I come."

Dave moved the sheets and blankets and got John settled under them. He patted him on the shoulder and said, "Get some sleep. I'll come see you again, soon."

John gave Dave a sincere smile and said, "Thank … you,… Dave … for … coming."

John was saying more than he could even a few days ago, Dave noticed. It gave him hope. But he still had so far to go. He walked through the door and turned back for one last look. John's face had grown sad and depressed again and Dave almost went back in. But in the few seconds it took him to decide, John's eyes closed and his features settled into a restful slumber.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxoxo

.

"Hey, handsome, you gonna sleep all day? You'll miss the game." Helen chastised as she entered John's room.

He opened his eyes and was momentarily confused. Helen worked weekdays, it was only Sunday, so why was she here? He hadn't slept until Monday morning, had he? He'd purposely taken a mid afternoon nap so he'd be able to stay awake for the Superbowl. It had been six years since he'd seen one in actual time. In Atlantis, they usually got a recording a week or two late.

Helen took pity on his look of confusion and explained, "I'm your private nurse for tonight. My husband was watching the game with his brother and if I went along, I'd have to listen to my sister-in-law bitch all night and I'd never actually see the game. So I volunteered for this extra shift knowing you'd be watching it, too. Besides, you and I had a date, remember? The next football game?" she reminded him of their first conversation.

Once the fog of sleep lifted, John felt his heart lift, too. As much as he loved watching football, he knew part of the fun had been watching it with others. And Helen seemed like a pretty fun lady.

"Now I brought you your supper," she said and held up his nutrient drink. "Trish was anxious to get home and watch the game with her husband. She's only been married a year, she'll learn."

John chuckled and checked the clock across the room.

"It's 5:15, kick off's in about fifteen minutes. So let's get this into you, okay?"

John agreed and opened his mouth for the straw. He moved his hand trying to get it up to hold the can. He got it most of the way and Helen smiled approvingly and helped it the rest of the way. John finished the drink fairly quickly and checked the clock again. He'd forgotten he was in the Central Time Zone. It was a good thing Helen had come in, he might have slept through the kick-off.

She grabbed the remote, pushed the right buttons and settled in the chair by John's bed.

"I am so ready to see Manning beat the crap out of New Orleans," Helen trumpeted.

"No!" John sputtered. "Saints … will blow … Colts … out … of water … no brainer."

Helen snorted. "To think I was beginning to like you. But you obviously don't know squat about football. Drew Brees is a lightweight compared to Manning. You'll see."

"Really?" John challenged. "Wanna …bet?"

"I'd be stealing your money, sweetie and that's illegal," Helen pointed out.

"Twenty … bucks… Saints … by ten." John predicted.

"Ten points!" Helen scoffed. "You are delusional, young man. What kind of meds they got you on? It must be some sort of hallucinogenic if you think the Saints will even come near my Colts. Never mind win by ten. But, I'll take that action."

Then she chuckled and muttered, "Candy from a baby."

John's eyes twinkled with delight. This could definitely be a good night.

They watched the game intently for a while and during every commercial break John asked Helen to get him a beer. And she'd respond the same way every time. "Get your own damn beer. What am I, your nurse?"

When half-time came and the Colts were leading 10 – 6, Helen got up and did a little victory dance.

John winced as she teased him. "Still time," he reminded her.

As the half-time show started and The Who got ready to perform, Helen got up to stretch. John wished he could do the same. She picked up the picture of John and Torren and commented, "This kid of yours is pretty darned cute! What's his name?"

John was about to correct her when he realized there was no way he could get out the complicated explanation using his limited speech. He figured it didn't matter what Helen thought, she'd never meet him anyway.

"T.J." John answered the question.

She smiled and guessed, "Bet the J stands for John."

John nodded in agreement.

"What's his mom's name?"

John's eyes grew soft at the thought and he whispered, "Teyla."

"Teyla," Helen repeated. "Pretty name. Different. I bet she's pretty too, isn't she?"

John just smiled again.

Helen put down the picture and picked up the other one. "And these people are…"

"My team," John informed her.

Helen pointed to the figures in the picture and said, "Who's this behemoth?"

John laughed and said, "Ronon. … I call …. him ….Chewie."

Helen chuckled and said, "I can see the resemblance. Big Star Wars fan myself. Now this guy?" she asked pointing again at the picture.

"McKay," John answered then said, "Teyla," as she moved her finger again.

Helen looked closely at the picture and observed, "Teyla. The boy's mom. Oh, she's more than pretty. She's downright gorgeous. And she carries a machine gun. My kind of woman!"

John's eyes focused on the members of his team and wondered what they were doing right now. Helen followed his eyes and probed, "How come they didn't come back with you?"

John knew he was talking about Teyla and Torren, so he said, "Not … from the … States."

"Red tape, huh?" Helen commented. "How long have you been stationed there … near them?"

"Six years," answered John.

Helen whistled and repeated, "Six years! That's a long time to be away from home."

John shook his head, pointed at the picture and corrected, "Is … my home."

Helen felt a prickle start behind her eyes at the softly spoken statement from this man who obviously cared deeply for his family. It was especially touching when she thought about what he did for a living. The picture showed him and his team standing around casually holding automatic weapons. He had a knife on his belt and a hand gun strapped to his thigh to boot. How could a man, whose description included the use of the words casual and automatic weapon in the same sentence, be sensitive enough to talk about home being where his family is?

Helen saw him sigh a few times as he continued to stare at the pictures. Dwelling on their separation would not improve his mood so Helen figured a change of subject was in order.

She looked back at the TV, put the volume up a bit and said, "Man, these guys are too old to be up there singing. Maybe it's time for them to retire. What do you think? You could do better than that."

John snorted at the absurd comment. Helen continued to talk about the musical group until John's eyes shown with laughter at her hysterical comments. When the second half started, she noticed the Colonel had left his melancholy behind.

.

.

xoxoxoxoox xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxox

.

Helen had her first opportunity to sit in over three hours so she opened a bottle of water and took a sip. She was about to take another when an authoritative voice commanded from the other side of the desk, "I'm here to see Colonel John Sheppard."

Helen looked up and saw two men standing in front of her. One was young and buff with a crew cut and military fatigues. The other had a similar presence but appeared much older. He was the one who had spoken and now looked at her like he expected her to jump at his request. She wasn't one for jumping, especially when someone didn't ask real nice.

But they were here to see the Colonel so she put on a smile and said, "The Colonel's in Speech Therapy right now. Do you mind waiting a little while?"

"We'll wait," the man informed her brusquely then asked, "Do you know when he'll be done?"

Helen had only been in this man's presence for a few seconds and already didn't like him. His manner was very condescending and he seemed impatient.

"I can go check and see how much longer they'll be if you'd like Mr…." she said even though she knew this man had to be military from his demeanor.

This was confirmed when he responded, "It's Colonel. Colonel Dylan Everett, United States Marine Corps. If you could go and see to that, I would really appreciate it."

Helen nodded and walked down the hall, wanting to smack the patronizing smirk off the older man's face. And he'd never even introduced the younger soldier as if he were inconsequential. She wondered if he was a good friend of Colonel Sheppard's because she really couldn't see the two of them hanging out and watching a football game.

She smiled when she remembered how they had enjoyed the time three days ago watching the Superbowl together. Until her team had fallen in the second half. She still owed the Colonel twenty dollars.

She walked into the room as Rosie was spooning some pureed food into the Colonel's mouth. He made a face at the taste and texture and Rosie informed him, "You can't drink shakes the rest of your life. You need to work up to real food. And this is the next step, so suck it up and stop complaining."

John smirked and replied, "Didn't … say … anything."

"No, but you were thinking it," Rosie responded. "Don't try to deny it."

John's smirk grew bigger and Rosie stuck another spoonful of mush in his mouth.

Helen took that moment to interrupt. "Hi, Colonel," she smiled warmly, "There are two military types outside to see you. I think one is just a bodyguard but the older guy says his name is Colonel Everett."

Helen noticed his eyes immediately become apprehensive at the mention of the name. They darted around the room and back down again.

"Ever…ett?" he confirmed.

"That's what he said," Helen answered. "Old guy, talks down to you like you're somehow beneath him."

At that description, John closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the pillow. Rosie and Helen exchanged looks and felt their mothering instincts rise to the surface.

"If you don't want him here, we can let him know you're unavailable to have visitors," Rosie offered.

"Thanks," John smiled his appreciation then looked resigned knowing Everett wasn't the type to accept that kind of an answer. "It's … fine."

"Good! Then it's all settled," came a loud voice from the doorway. John looked up and saw Colonel Dylan Everett walking toward him. He was using a cane but only slightly and he looked better than the last time John had seen him. But there was no mistaking the years that had been taken from him by the Wraith. The soldier behind him entered the room at Everett's signal, stood over to one side and then snapped back to attention.

Everett then addressed Rosie and Helen, "Ladies, if you'll excuse us for a few minutes. I know you won't mind if the Colonel and I visit for a while. It's been what, Sheppard, five years? And you were only a Major back then."

Everett tilted his head at the two women as if dismissing them. They both looked at John and hesitated at the uncertainty they saw in his eyes. They could tell he had no desire to be left alone with this man. But John tipped his head and nodded.

As they reluctantly left, Helen looked at her watch and said, "Colonel, it's almost time for Lisa to return from her break."

John knew that wasn't true as Lisa had left barely ten minutes ago. But he appreciated that they were thinking of him.

As they left, they heard Everett say, "I see you still have the ladies protecting you, Sheppard."

John stayed quiet looking curiously at Everett. Not that he had much option in the quiet department. Everett looked around the room and John wondered what he was doing here. Did he get a buzz from kicking a man when he was down? Cause John couldn't get much lower than he was right now.

Everett finished his perusal and commented, "Nice place here, Sheppard. A little fancier than the VA I was sent to. I had to share a room with a few other soldiers. I guess you have a little family money, though."

"Yes, … Sir," John stammered. "My …br …other," God what was wrong with him. His speech had been steadily improving every day and in walks Everett and it slide back to where it was a week ago.

Everett seemed to notice his struggles and held up his hand. "It's okay, Sheppard. Don't worry about talking. I can see you've got a ways to go in that area. I just came to show you some support. I know it's not a fun place to be."

Everett looked around again and seemed almost uncomfortable. He looked out the window and continued talking. "I've been following your career pretty closely. I'm still in the service but they've got me behind a desk most of the time. I can tell you it's damn frustrating not to be on the front lines. But I'm in a position to read status reports and mission logs. You've done some pretty amazing stuff."

He walked over to the bed and looked down at John. "I read you had a similar experience and have one of these now, too." He pulled his shirt down a bit to reveal the Wraith feeding scar. "I guess you were a little luckier than me though, you got back the years that were taken."

John looked at Everett's face to see if there was malice in the words. He saw only sadness there and some regret.

"Sorry … Sir."

Everett turned around quick and shook his head. "Oh, don't apologize, Sheppard. You're in an even worse position right now. At least I could always walk and talk, just did it a little slower. And I understand this happened trying to save some lives. This seems to be a pattern with you, starting with that first suicide run when I was there, and continuing to the action that landed you here. And there've been _many_ by the reports I've read. It's your own little path of self-destruction, Sheppard, and you came awfully close to success this time."

Everett stopped talking and nodded his head a few times. He gave a slight chuckle and said, "I'm still shaking my head at the guts it took for that mission that got you the Medal of Honor. You're like a cat with nine lives. But just remember, Sheppard, I think you've used most of them up. You may not have any left."

At this point, Lisa walked into the room and smiled sweetly at John and Everett. "Hi, I'm Lisa, the Colonel's nurse. I don't mean to interrupt, but he's got a pretty tight schedule today and I've got to get him to his next therapy."

She moved closer to John's bed and pulled his wheelchair right up next to it. Helen walked in a second later and helped Lisa sit John up in the bed.

Everett took the hint and said, "Not a problem. I think we were done with our little visit anyway. Good luck, Colonel," and he saluted. The Marine in the room also saluted.

Helen and Lisa had made the transfer from bed to chair and so John lifted his hand and made an attempt at a salute. His face contorted in pain and effort, but he got it higher than he had before.

Everett just laughed, "You never saluted before when you were supposed to, Sheppard. Don't ruin your record and start now." He moved toward the door but stopped before he went through.

"I expect you to work hard and make a full recovery. Don't think I won't check to make sure you do."

John gave him a nod and a "Yes …Sir," and he disappeared down the hallway.

Helen walked over and peeked out the door. She took a few seconds, then returned and nodded. "He's gone. Are you all right, Colonel? He's not a good friend of yours, is he?"

John's eyes were very distant but he answered, "No." Then he looked toward Lisa and said, "Take … your … break."

"Oh, I will. Don't worry about me," she assured him. "But we need to get you back in your bed so you can rest."

John shook his head and moved his hands down to the wheels of the chair. He had managed to move it a tiny bit yesterday so he was hoping he could do more today. He got it a few feet and then got stuck.

Helen sensed he wasn't attempting to get back in bed. "Where do you want to go, Colonel?" she questioned softly.

"Window," he replied.

Lisa pushed him over to the window and positioned him so he could see out. She and Helen exchanged looks.

"You should probably get some rest, Colonel," Lisa advised. "You've got PT again this afternoon and Josh is starting to push you pretty hard."

There was no response, just silent blank stares out the window. Helen even tried a few outrageous comments but he just continued to sit quietly, his eyes focused on some point outside.

"Well, I'll finish the rest of my lunch, but Helen will peek in on you while I'm gone. Just in case you need anything or want to lie down again."

She looked at her friend who nodded vigorously in confirmation. They took one more look at the silent man and reluctantly left the room.

Everett's visit wasn't as bad as John figured it could be. The man had almost said some nice things about him. But just his presence alone had brought back memories John had preferred stay away. And with these memories came the layers and layers of guilt that John carried daily with him.

He had woken the Wraith by inadvertently touching Teyla's necklace. He hadn't gotten to Sumner in time to do anything more than end the man's life. He had killed the queen and woken up the rest of the armada of Wraith. And that had started events that were even more horrible to think about.

He thought of all the lives lost, people he knew from Earth but countless others from the many worlds of the Pegasus Galaxy. How many of these people would be alive today if his actions had been different? He always had good arguments to defend what he and the expedition had done and he firmly believed in them. But somewhere in the back of his mind was the knowledge, and with it the guilt, of his actions.

His head lowered until it rested against the window. The cool glass felt good against his skin and he gave himself permission to just focus on the world outside.

Each time Helen checked on him she grew a little more nervous at his complete disassociation with anything around him. When Lisa brought him to Josh at 2:00, she was afraid his effort would be affected. She had already warned Josh about the Colonel's visitor and his subsequent reaction in case it continued.

But they needn't have worried. John pushed himself to the point of exhaustion and Lisa almost wondered if he was punishing himself for something.

With no rest at noon it was no wonder John fell asleep during his massage. Tammy helped Lisa get a barely conscious man into his wheelchair. Then Mary and Lisa got him into bed. He roused himself enough to lift some hand weights during OT but when Rosie returned shortly after, he had already succumbed to sleep.

She didn't bother waking him but worried since he was under weight to begin with and needed all the nutrients he could get. Maybe she'd puree a few donuts and see if that would help. She chuckled at the thought and could just imagine his face if she did it. Maybe she would, just to get him to laugh. He didn't laugh or smile anywhere near enough. But when he did, it was amazing.

Rosie looked at the picture of his team. They all looked happy and the Colonel was wearing his crooked grin. The picture with the little boy showed immense pleasure on the faces of both of them. The Colonel was having a hard time and was obviously missing these people. She looked at the pictures again and wondered how they were fairing without _him_.

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxo

.

Ronon walked down the street of the Pangori village until he came to the shop he was looking for. Several doors were wide open with many of the wares displayed on the sidewalk. He stood there for a few minutes observing several people moving around inside. As if on cue, the person he was looking for walked outside carrying a box that he deposited on the ground. The woman beside him smiled sweetly.

"Thank you, Kanaan. You are always so kind in helping me set up. I am sure it will be a good day for customers."

Kanaan smiled back and reached for the woman's hand when he noticed Ronon standing there. His hand dropped and he took a step back as he said, "Ronon, what are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question," Ronon responded. "We need to talk, so if the lady can excuse us for a few minutes."

"I will be back shortly," Kanaan informed the woman then indicated that Ronon should follow him. They walked a short way down the street and stopped to sit near a few scattered tables and benches.

Kanaan looked pointedly at Ronon and asked, "Why have you come here? Has something happened to Teyla or Torren?"

Ronon snorted, "Oh, so now you're interested in them. You haven't shown enough concern for them in the last month to actually see them. Why now?"

Kanaan ignored Ronon's question to ask his own. "If either is unwell then please tell me so, if not I am wondering why you have sought me out."

"They're both healthy and uninjured. But I came because Sheppard was injured, seriously injured," Ronon disclosed.

"That is unfortunate about Colonel Sheppard, but again I ask why you have come _here_?" Kanaan persisted.

Ronon's eyes narrowed and his lips grew tight. "It'll be a very long time before Sheppard's on his feet again, so they sent him back to his planet to recover. Before he left, he made me promise to find you."

Kanaan's face grew confused at Ronon's statement so he continued, "Because _you_ haven't been around, Sheppard's stepped in to help Teyla with Torren. He wants me to bring you back to be with Teyla and your son, since he won't be around to help."

"You make him sound so noble," Kanaan scoffed. "But I am aware of the feelings Colonel Sheppard has for Teyla. I am also aware that she reciprocates those feelings."

"Yet neither one of them ever acted on those feelings," Ronon defended. "And why is that? Because _you_ are the father of her son and she made every attempt to build a life with _you_. A life that you obviously wanted nothing to do with or you would have put more effort into being a family. As for Sheppard, yes he _is_ noble because regardless of how he feels, he believes that you and Teyla have a life with each other and he would never do anything to jeopardize that."

"Yet he treats my son as his own," Kanaan accused.

"He only started doing that because you wouldn't," Ronon growled. "He wouldn't have needed to step in if you'd been a father to your own son."

Kanaan took a deep breath and said, "So now you have come to bring me back to renew my partnership with Teyla regardless of how she feels. As long as I take care of my son."

"Actually that was Sheppard's idea. Mine's a little different."

Kanaan looked curiously at him.

"You've been keeping Teyla dangling on a string for far too long," Ronon accused. "She has no relationship with you, yet she isn't really free to pursue other relationships as long as you're even remotely in the picture. And as it looks like you have no desire to renew your relationship with Teyla," he tilted his head in the direction of the shop he had been at, "you need to set her free and allow her to move on."

"Move on to Colonel Sheppard," insinuated Kanaan.

"I told you, Sheppard's gone. No one knows when he'll be back or even _**if**_ he'll be back," Ronon grunted. "But you need to make things right with Teyla, regardless. And as for Torren, I don't care what you decide. But if you hurt that kid by dangling _him_ on a string, I'm not gonna be happy."

Kanaan sighed heavily. "I have promised to help in a shop here in the village today but I can get away tonight."

"Good," Ronon responded. I'll just hang around this place for the day. I'm sure I can find something to do. I'll meet you on the edge of town when the shops close up. You'll need my IDC to get into Atlantis anyway."

Kanaan looked uncomfortable but agreed then got up and walked back toward the shop. Ronon's blood boiled when he saw Kanaan and the woman. But he knew knocking the guy flat wouldn't get him back to Teyla any quicker.

.

.

xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo

.

"Come in," Teyla called out when the door chime sounded. She knew Jennifer was planning on helping her pack as soon as she got off duty. The door opened and Teyla looked up to see Kanaan standing right outside.

"Kanaan!" Teyla cried, surprised. "I did not realize you were coming to the city today. Is everything all right on New Athos?"

"Yes, Halling sends his greetings," fibbed Kanaan as he moved into the room. He had not been on New Athos in several weeks but he did not wish to hurt Teyla anymore than he needed to. He truly cared for her and his son. But being taken by Michael and experimented on had changed much of his way of thinking.

He and Teyla had always been friends and for a brief time something more, but he could not be something he was not. Teyla was meant to be in this city, defending it and her people as the mighty warrior she was. He was meant for other things. Being forced to work on Michael's hive ship made him realize he wanted a life as far removed from that as possible. And being with Teyla would not accomplish that goal.

He had found peace with the tranquil people of Pangori. And maybe he had found more; something that he and Teyla had truly never had. They had shared 'the gift' and were both able to sense the Wraith. As children this had brought them together. But he could also sense Teyla's feelings. And as much as she truly wanted to make a life with him she could not hide from him the intense feelings she had for Colonel Sheppard. He could not make himself be with her when he knew she was not giving all of herself to him. It finally drove him to spend more time with his people and then more time on other worlds until he found the satisfaction and purpose he needed.

As for Torren, Kanaan did care for the child. But he was also a constant reminder of Teyla's feelings for another man. The man the child was named after. The man who so easily calmed the child and put him to sleep. The man whom Teyla secretly wished had truly fathered this child. Kanaan knew Teyla would be horrified if she knew that he had sensed that from her. But he had come upon Teyla watching the Colonel and his son interact one day and her thoughts just made their way to him. He had left the scene but from that day forward the emotions that he felt for his son had changed.

He looked around the room and noticed the boxes piled everywhere. And in the midst of the boxes was Torren, sitting on the floor, book in his lap, reading about a grouchy ladybug who wanted to start a fight with a bunch of other animals.

"You are packing," Kanaan stated.

"Yes," Teyla replied. "Major Lorne has found us larger quarters. Torren shall have his own room in these. John felt _these_ quarters were becoming too cramped."

"I heard about Colonel Sheppard. I am sorry he was injured."

"Thank you," responded Teyla. "It has been difficult, not knowing when or even if he will return to the city."

Kanaan looked around the room again then down at the floor as he spoke. "Teyla, we must speak of our relationship and of the future."

Teyla lowered her head in agreement. "Yes, I feel the need to speak of this also."

She moved over to a soft bench and indicated that Kanaan should join her. They sat silently for a moment, gathering their thoughts, wondering who should make the first move.

Teyla finally decided she would have her say first. "Kanaan, it has been many days since we have last spoken and even more days since we have been truly honest with each other. I feel I have been holding onto our relationship for the sake of our son, but now feel I can no longer pretend a bond that is not there."

"I understand, Teyla," Kanaan agreed. "I, too, feel our connection was based on imagined feelings. Perhaps we have gone too long trying to hide our true feelings in our attempt not to hurt the other. I do truly care for you, but not in the way a man _should _care for the mother of his child."

Teyla nodded, "Then we are in agreement that we no longer have a commitment to the other."

Kanaan bowed his head and Teyla continued, "But we must speak of our son. You have been absent for much of his life. I would like to know what your intention is regarding him."

Kanaan took a deep breath and began, "I do love our son, Teyla, but I feel I am not in a position right now to give him what he needs."

Teyla's eyebrow rose and she snapped, "You have not given him what he needs in many days, Kanaan. That task has fallen to me and several others."

She paused and took a deep breath. "But that is in the past and I will not dwell on it as long as you agree that Torren should live primarily with me."

"That is agreeable, but I would like to see him on occasion, perhaps when he spends time with Halling and Jinto," Kanaan suggested.

"That is acceptable," Teyla said and looked toward her little boy who was just finishing up the book he was looking at. He had not even seemed interested in whom his mother was talking to.

Yet she knew that if John had walked in, Torren would be in his arms in seconds. And Kanaan had not even spoken to him or asked how he was. John never missed an opportunity to spend time with Torren, no matter how short. She sometimes felt jealous of all the attention her son received but she knew John would never show his true feelings for her as long as he thought she was tied to Kanaan. And now she wasn't, but he was too far away to matter.

Kanaan moved toward her and touched her elbow. "It is good that we will be on different worlds. You cannot always hide the strength of your feelings for Colonel Sheppard."

Teyla's eyes widened and she apologized, "I am sorry Kanaan, I did not realize…But we have never…Colonel Sheppard has never…"

"It is fine, Teyla," he interrupted. "I, too, have found someone to truly share my heart with. I have spent much time with the Pangorans on their world and will continue to do so. I am sorry that I was not truthful with you regarding this situation earlier."

"I have been aware of your … activity on Pangori for some time now." Teyla said between tight lips then took a calming breath. "But I truly wish you happiness, Kanaan. You will always be considered a friend and welcome here."

"Thank you, Teyla, Now I must go and I will take any belongings that are mine so you need not be bothered with them."

Teyla moved to a corner, lifted a sealed box and handed it to him. Kanaan looked one last time at Torren and moved toward the door. "I know our son will be truly cared for here with you and Colonel Sheppard. I also wish you well and happiness for the future."

As the door closed behind him, Torren called from across the room, "Mama, we see Unta Dohn?"

He was standing in front of Teyla's laptop and pointing to the screen. She walked over and whispered, "Of course you may, sweetheart."

She pressed a few buttons and found the file Rodney had created for them. It was a compilation of recordings that included John and Torren or other members of the expedition. Rodney had gone around collecting any bits of video anyone had that included John and would be appropriate for Torren to view. The result was almost fifteen minutes of what he called 'The John Sheppard Show'. Torren insisted on watching it several times a day and Teyla always allowed it. She secretly got pleasure from seeing it herself. Radek had confided in her that he had caught Rodney watching it a few times as well.

As Torren sat in her desk chair, staring at the screen, Teyla thought back to her talk with Kanaan. It had not been unpleasant but then they both had known their relationship was not meant to be. She felt immense relief at her new found freedom but then as she looked at John's laughing face on the screen, an anger surged through her. This freedom had come three weeks too late.

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo

.

John looked around the rec room and noticed it had fewer inhabitants than usual for a Sunday afternoon. He knew quite a few people had the flu and were confined to their rooms. But some others were enjoying the mild temperatures and sunny day outside. He wished he were outside right now. Some fresh air would do him wonders.

He'd been dealing with a cold himself for a few days. A cough rose up in his chest reminding him where the cold had settled. But it was just a cold, compared to his other problems, it was a minor inconvenience.

His gaze moved across the room to Greta, his weekend nurse, who was engaged in a conversation with one of the Nursing Assistants. _She's probably criticizing the poor girl on how she makes hospital corners or something. _He had asked if she could bring him outside but she had refused, giving him some long medical explanation that he interpreted as her not wanting to go out.

Well, he'd wait for Dave and Julia, they'd take him outside. He looked down at his clothes, hoping he was presentable enough. He was finally meeting his brother's fiancée and had asked Greta to help him dress is khaki pants and a button down shirt for the occasion. Of course the clothes had been sitting in his drawer for the three and half weeks he'd been here and could probably use an ironing. Hopefully Julia would understand or not care what he was wearing.

It would be good to see Dave again, too. Dave had only been to see him maybe half a dozen times since he'd been here. John had to admit it was disappointing that he didn't see his brother more often but he knew Dave was busy running the company.

In the meantime, John was bored. Greta refused to let him take his iPod, psp or even a book into the rec room, saying he needed to socialize with the other residents. But Gertrude, who played a mean game of chess, was visiting with her grandchildren, probably outside. Oscar and Howard, his poker buddies were laid up in their rooms with the flu. And Greta had put him over near the corner again. How did she expect him to mingle when he wasn't anywhere near anyone and she refused to come over and help him?

He moved his hands to the wheels of his chair and managed to roll the few feet or so over to the old piano that was pushed up against the wall. He put his fingers on the keys and flexed them a bit before pressing down. His motor skills were still basic but he'd definitely made progress. It was one of the reasons he'd agreed to meet Julia. His speech was slightly less stilted than it had been however it was far from smooth flowing.

He could also hold his own drink now, as long as he drank from a straw. The few attempts he'd made to drink from the rim of a cup had been disastrous. But he'd actually gotten a few bites of scrambled eggs this morning using a very large spoon. Trish had cheered him on and said to make sure he worked on using utensils as often as he could.

He ran his fingers up and down the keys, playing a basic scale. It had been years since he'd played the piano but with the twelve years of lessons his mother had made him and Dave take, he should remember something. And Mary, his OT, said that playing the piano was excellent therapy for his small motor skills.

He experimented with several different scales and easy pieces that he remembered, making quite a few mistakes here and there. He wanted to blame his mistakes on his lack of dexterity, but he knew that probably wasn't the case.

He had been fooling around on the instrument for about ten minutes when he heard, "All that money on piano lessons and you're playing 'Chopsticks'".

John looked up to greet his brother with a smile as Dave continued, "Mom's rolling over in her grave right now."

John's eyes narrowed as he slowly teased, "Well, if you'd …gotten here on time…you would … have had the …full concert. I just finished….Beethoven's Fifth Symphony."

Dave grinned and drew forward an attractive brunette who was sporting a sheepish grin.

"That would be my fault," she apologized. "I took a bit longer getting ready today."

"John," Dave introduced, "This is my fiancée, Julia Gianni. Julia, my brother, Colonel John Sheppard."

John felt a warmth go through him at the pride he heard in Dave's voice when he said the word 'Colonel.'

"She wanted to make a good first impression," Dave explained.

John lifted his hand to shake Julia's and replied, "Mission's a …success." He looked up at Dave and said, "I _am_ impressed."

"It's great to finally meet you, Colonel," Julia said as she lowered her hand.

John made a face and shook his head. "Please, … it's John and it's …nice to meet you, too."

As John rolled away from the piano, he burst into a fit of coughing.

Dave and Julia both looked alarmed and Dave asked, "Are you all right?"

When the coughing subsided, John said, "Just a …cold, nothing …major."

Julia offered to get him some water but John indicated he already had some hanging from the back of the wheelchair. "I could use … some fresh air."

Julia moved behind John's chair and asked, "We can take him outside, right?"

Dave tilted his head at John and confirmed, "As long as we tell your nurse. Who is it today?"

John tipped his head in the direction of Greta saying, "Cruella."

"Oh, her," groaned Dave. "You know I told you I could get you someone else."

"It's okay," John responded. "Reminds me ... of boot camp …and my Drill Sergeant.

Dave chuckled but was reminded of something. "Hey, Lisa and Helen both told me you had a visitor a few weeks ago who left you pretty upset for the rest of the day. Some Colonel?"

"Everett," John filled in and his eyes darkened briefly. He shrugged and shook his head. "Can we go … outside now?"

Dave sighed when he realized John wasn't going to tell him about the visit. "Sure, let's go."

Julia pushed the wheelchair across the room and Dave addressed Greta when they got closer. "Hi, my fiancée and I are going to take John outside for a little while and get him some fresh air. I just wanted to inform you so you'd know where he is."

Greta forced a smile and responded, "Thank you for letting me know, Mr. Sheppard."

As they walked outside Dave muttered, "So I'm paying her right now to do what? Socialize with the other staff?"

"Yup," John grinned.

They walked down the path and noticed a few groups of people enjoying the nice sunshine. They passed an elderly woman with two teenage girls and their mom, sitting near her.

"Hey Gertie," John called loudly as they passed. "I want a … rematch tomorrow!"

Gertrude raised her hand in acknowledgement then attempted to whisper to her family. "That's the nice, young Air Force Colonel I was telling you about."

John chuckled as Gert's voice rang out fairly loud. She was very hard of hearing and didn't realize the volume of her words sometimes.

As they strolled away from her, John could still hear her say, "The poor thing can't walk. Injured in the line of duty. Protecting our freedom no doubt."

John almost snorted at that statement. Protecting the freedom of speech that the damn reporters had so frequently spoken of. He gritted his teeth and took in a deep breath trying to calm the anger he felt when he thought of how he got in this condition. The breath felt good at first but then a sharp pain hit his chest and he started another round of coughing.

Julia stopped the wheelchair near an empty bench and looked to Dave for guidance.

Dave sat on the bench across from John and checked, "Are you sure you're okay? We can take you in and have a doctor look at you."

John just rolled his eyes and insisted, "I'm fine. Stop worrying."

Then he looked at Julia, who had seated herself next to Dave on the bench. "So tell me … about the … wedding plans."

Julia's eyes lit up at this suggestion but Dave only groaned and warned, "You know she can go on forever about this."

Julia smacked her fiancé on the arm. "David, shh! Maybe John is interested in the details of the wedding, unlike the _groom_."

"Yeah, David, shh!" John mimicked then put on his most charming smile and opened his eyes wide with interest.

Julia looked more than pleased as she began, "Well, the wedding itself will be at St. Cecilia's, of course." She named the parish the Sheppard family had always belonged to.

As she continued on with details of the wedding, Dave took the opportunity to watch the interaction between his brother and his future wife. Julia was obviously taken with what he called 'the John Sheppard charm'. Not too many people could resist it when he made an effort.

But looking at John he realized that his brother was truly enjoying the conversation with Julia. Of course it had been almost a month since John had had any real companionship, similar age companionship, except the few times he had come to visit. He felt guilty when he realized that he had never stayed very long when he _had_ visited. It was just so uncomfortable watching John stumble through each sentence and struggle just to move his hands. He had been thrilled when he had seen John playing the piano today, such as it was and his speech was definitely improving. He still spoke slower than normal with many pauses in between words, but he seemed to be able to get out longer more complex sentences now.

Dave just sat back as Julia continued her lengthy explanations with John asking a question or making a comment every now and then. They really seemed to like each other. But being truthful, Dave knew his brother was a very likable guy. He just wished he had realized it earlier, like when their father was still alive.

Dave hadn't been kidding when he said Julia could talk forever on the topic of the wedding. So, an hour later he decided to take pity on his brother, although it was John's fault. He had asked the initial question that had started Julia going.

As they sat outside, Dave had thought John's cough was getting worse. And looking at him now he realized John looked pale and his skin almost seemed to have a sheen of sweat even though the air was growing chilly.

When Julia paused for a breath, Dave jumped in. "I think it's just about time for John to go in for supper."

Julia looked at her watch, surprised. "Oh, my gosh! It's almost five. I'm sorry, John, I get so excited thinking about the wedding that I lose track of time."

Another coughing fit hit John so Dave started pushing is wheelchair saying, "I think we need a doctor to take a look at you."

John finished coughing and choked out gruffly, "It's just a damn cold! I'm fine."

Moments after they got him back in his room, Greta walked in. She nodded at them and proceeded to take John's vital signs. As she recorded them she asked, "Colonel, I'm due to leave in a few minutes. Is there anything you need before I go?"

"All set," John assured her but Dave countered, "Actually, would you listen to his chest? He's been coughing a lot today."

She sighed but put her stethoscope back in her ears. "It's a cold or the flu. Everybody in here has it just about.

She listened to John's chest and said, "It's a little raspy. Like I said, everyone's got a cold or the flu. He should get some _rest_." And her look and tone were very accusatory as if Dave was personally responsible for John's cough. Dave barely waited for her to leave the room when he announced, "I don't care if you like her or not, John. I am not spending another penny on that woman."

He looked for a reaction but just got a simple nod. John appeared tired, a lot more than he had even twenty minutes ago. Dave was going to push for the doctor again, when Trish walked in with a steaming bowl in her hands. She put it on John's rolling tray and put a large spoon down next to it.

"Okay, Colonel," she chirped, "You get oatmeal tonight. Mmm and because I like you so much, I made sure I got you cinnamon flavored."

She picked up the spoon and stirred the bowl of mush and then positioned the tray in front of John's wheelchair. "You did such a great job this morning, I thought I'd let you try a few spoonfuls tonight as well."

At the suggestion, John's panicked eyes flew up to Dave's, almost pleading. Dave grew concerned until he realized John didn't want an audience. _Right, the new sister-in-law does not need to see him eating or being fed like a nine month old. Message received._

Dave took Julia's hand and said, "I was planning to take Julia to dinner at a place right down the road from here. We'll let you eat in peace and if it's not too late when we're done, maybe we'll stop in again before we head home."

"That'd be great," John replied. "Thanks for coming today, … both of you."

Julia walked over to John, leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. "I'm really glad I got to meet you finally. Hopefully we'll see you in a little while. Can we get you anything while we're out?"

John looked down at the oatmeal, grimaced and suggested, "A steak."

Trish barked out a laugh, "In your dreams, military man. You've got a ways to go first. Come on, I've got other animals to feed."

Dave quickly pulled Julia out the door and gave a small wave as he left. John had just been directing a shaky spoon toward his mouth and he was glad he'd gotten Julia out. It was bad enough being unable to do things like feed yourself, but it must be even worse when people were around to witness it.

.

The restaurant was very nice and Dave felt especially guilty when he ordered the steak for his meal. But he promised himself he'd make it up to John. Once he was well again, he'd buy him all the steak he wanted.

During dinner, Julia kept bringing up how much she had liked John and how eager she was to visit him again, even if it wasn't tonight. But Dave thought back to the damp sheen on John's pale skin and the incessant cough that kept racking his too thin body. They were definitely stopping in again before they headed home. Dave would never rest if he didn't make sure John was okay first.

It was almost seven by the time they got back to the rehab center and they walked in to find John on his bed but still in his nicer clothes. At first, Dave thought he was asleep. The he started coughing, his hand flew up to his chest, and his face contorted in pain. When he was finished he was breathing heavy and his eyes opened to stare at the ceiling.

Dave started to get mad. Had no one been in here to help his brother in the last two hours? Well, obviously someone had gotten him on the bed, but hadn't bothered to change him into something more comfortable.

Dave walked immediately over to the side of the bed with Julia moving to the other side. Dave touched John's arm and demanded, "Has anyone been in here to help you since we've been gone?"

John's eyes rolled in Dave's direction but they didn't seem quite focused when they met his brother's eyes. John appeared confused for a moment then weakly panted, "I'm … I'm okay."

"Like hell you are!" Dave disputed. "They need a doctor in here to look at you. I'll be right back."

John feebly lifted his hand in protest, but dropped it again when he realized Dave was already gone. Julia picked it up again, feeling the heat emanating from John's skin. She used her other hand to touch his forehead, cheeks and neck.

She leaned down and whispered, "I'm gonna get you some water, okay."

John's only response was a slight rise in the right side of his mouth. Julia ran the water as cold as she could get it, thinking she should find some ice once Dave got back, and brought the cup back to John. She raised the head of his bed slightly, found some straws, inserted it into the cup and raised it to John's mouth.

John immediately began drawing in the water and Julia had to warn him, "Not too fast, you'll choke."

Sure enough another coughing fit erupted from his chest. Julia put the cup down on the bed tray and sat on the edge of the bed. John's eyes were glazed over and sweat beaded his forehead. Dave took that moment to storm back in and the expression on his face told her he hadn't gotten what he wanted.

"They haven't got a nurse on duty tonight for John, even though I expressly told them I wanted one at all times."

Julia seemed puzzled so Dave continued, "Something about the flu epidemic. As it is they say all the staff nurses have been kept busy which is why they haven't had time to get in here. Plus, my brother keeps insisting he's fine."

Dave gave a huge sigh and looked down at John's still form. "I did manage to persuade them to get a doctor here to check him out. Unfortunately, it's an on-call doctor and it could be some time before he makes it in." Dave took a few more deep breaths to try and calm himself down.

"I'm glad a doctor's on the way," Julia stated, "because John's got a pretty high fever right now. We need to get it down."

Dave's eyes flared with concern for a second then annoyance took over. "Which we could do if any of these damn nurses would get in here."

Julia put her hands on her hips and scolded, "David Sheppard, you and I are perfectly capable of taking care of your brother until the doctor gets here. Now roll up your sleeves and give me a hand."

Dave was taken aback for a minute then realized this was why he loved this woman so much. She wasn't afraid of him and didn't feel the need to cater to him like most of his employees and even many of his business acquaintances. And she had no problem putting him in his place. He actually found that incredibly sexy.

He lifted both hands and asked, "What do I do?"

Julia glanced around the room and instructed, "Get that small basin by the sink, fill it halfway with cold water, grab a face cloth from the bathroom and put it on his tray."

As Dave did what she asked, she turned toward his dresser and said, I'll see if I can find something more comfortable for him to wear."

She rummaged through the few drawers, frowning at jeans and sweatpants. "Doesn't he have anything lighter than these?" Julia asked then spotted something white tucked in the back.

She pulled it out and questioned, "Are these John's?"

Dave put the basin of water on the tray, looked up and confirmed, "Yes, those are the scrubs he came with from At… at his base." He checked to see if Julia had noticed his slip but she was moving towards the bed nodding her head, so he figured it was fine. He'd have to tell her fairly soon, but probably not on the first day she met his brother. Although she probably hadn't planned on playing nursemaid to him the first time she met him either.

Julia started unbuttoning his shirt and he roused enough to open his eyes in confusion. His hand moved to the buttons she had just undone and he muttered, "No,… what?"

Julia leaned down and calmed him with, "I'm just going to get you more comfortable."

John settled back and Julia continued, "Plus, I'm dying to know if your chest is as hairy as your brother's."

Dave's eyes widened, scandalized and he squeaked, "Julia!"

Mischief danced in her eyes and she shot a teasing glance at her fiancée. John chuckled, too, and said, "No," but when he allowed her to unbutton the rest of his shirt, she assumed his answer was in response to her comment. Dave started pulling on one of John's sleeves and they managed to get the shirt off.

Julia looked down at her future brother-in-law then back up to Dave. "You win, honey, although not by much," she said as she noted the liberal sprinkling of hair across John's torso.

Dave glared at Julia and snapped, "Let's get the top on him."

"Actually, we need to try and cool him down first," Julia amended and reached to squeeze out the face cloth Dave had put in the water.

Dave's eyes narrowed and he muttered under his breath, "How about we cool _you_ down first."

Julia tried to hide her smile as she moved the cloth over John's forehead and face. She'd never actually seen her very controlled David jealous before. Who'd have known it would take his little brother to bring it out. Julia continued to move the cloth over John's face and upper body, rinse it out and start again. The wounds on his shoulder were now healed but the scars were still fresh so Julia was gentle when she moved the facecloth in that area.

David felt jealousy rear its ugly head. It was a new feeling when it came to Julia. He'd always been confident in her attraction to him, but he knew women had always flocked to John no matter how obtuse he was regarding their attentions. He watched her run the cool cloth along John's overheated body and felt the jealousy start to fade. The clinical method of delivery and her concerned expression, made him realize that Julia was truly just trying to get John's fever down.

She had Dave refill the basin with new water and suggested, "Why don't we change his bottoms. I think he'll be more comfortable. She reached for his belt and then stopped when Dave's eyes almost popped out of his head. She rolled her eyes and stepped back.

"Do you want me to leave the room while _you_ do it?"

Dave wanted to say yes, but realized he was being silly and it would be easier with two people. After all, John _was_ really sick and they needed to focus on him. But Dave insisted he take the buckle and zipper part and Julia could pull from the bottom. They had them off quickly, leaving John in just his boxers. When Dave moved to pick up the drawstring pants, Julia stopped him again.

"We should probably try and cool his legs at least once before we put those on."

Dave had to agree and allowed her to run the cloth up and down John's legs before they pulled on the cotton scrubs. Dave continued to provide fresh, cool water while Julia worked the face cloth over John's head and chest.

Mostly John was still, but every now and then he'd turn his head or moan or mumble something unintelligible. At one point, when she had the cloth going over his forehead, she pushed back his hair and said softly, "You'll be all right, John."

He opened his eyes slightly, even though his gaze was still unfocused. He lifted his hand to touch Julia's arm and whispered, "Teyla."

His face turned serene and a tiny smile played on his lips. Julia looked at Dave sadly knowing that smile was intended for someone who wasn't here.

Dave pointed to the dresser near Julia's right elbow and pointed out, "That's Teyla … and Torren.

Julia stopped bathing John long enough to pick up both pictures and study them She was surprised that the woman was dressed in fatigues and carrying a weapon but then Dave had said she worked on the base with them. _I guess she'd need to protect herself as much as anyone else if they were near the front lines_.

"She's beautiful!" Julia proclaimed. "She must be something if she can handle that weapon."

Dave smiled and recalled, "John called her a feisty little warrior. Apparently they spar and she beats the crap out of him." Dave shook his head in wonder. "He doesn't seem to mind though."

Julia smiled down at the man on the bed. "If he feels about her the way you think he does, he'd be proud of her ability and spirit."

Dave nodded in agreement. Julia now looked at the picture of John and the little boy. "There isn't any way they could come stay here?"

"I offered. I think Teyla was tempted, but she said she had too many responsibilities there right now."

"Mr. Sheppard, so what's going on?" boomed the jovial voice of Dr. Turner. "Got a call saying your brother needed some assistance."

"Dr. Turner," Dave greeted, pleased he had gotten the head honcho himself to come in. "Thank you for coming. John's running a high fever and he's been coughing all day. Right now, he's pretty out of it."

Dr. Turner motioned for the nurse who'd followed him in and said, "Let's take a look, shall we?'

The nurse inserted something into John's ear while Turner took his pulse.

"It's 102.3," The nurse stated and Dr. Turner put his stethoscope on John's chest. He moved the dog tags out of the way and placed the instrument on several locations. He looked at the nurse again and instructed, "Help me sit him up for a second so I can listen to his back."

John's eyes opened briefly when he was moved then he was settled back against the bed. Turner straightened back up and addressed Dave. "I'm afraid your brother's got pneumonia. I'll get him started right away on some antibiotics and some saline solution so he doesn't dehydrate." He motioned again to the nurse and she left.

John opened his eyes again slightly when Turner continued his examination. Julia noticed and took his hand. "By the way, John," she said sweetly, "You're _not_ fine. You've got pneumonia. But the doc here's going to fix you up. You just need to make sure you rest, okay."

"Okay," John replied quietly and his eyes fluttered closed again.

Turner gave them more information on John's condition and course of treatment then asked if they had any questions.

"Yeah," Dave grumbled, "I'm wondering why there's no private nurse in here when I specifically requested one?"

Turner put on a pleasant smile and placated, "We did have a nurse here the first week throughout the day and night, but we've found he doesn't really need one all night. He's usually asleep by seven pm if not earlier. The hall nurses are more than happy to check in on him but he rarely needs anything. He's been an ideal patient. If you really feel the need to pay for a nurse to sit here all evening and through the night, I will be more than happy to set that up again. It's your decision."

Dave looked somewhat indignant but also thoughtful. He did hate the idea of paying someone to just sit here while John slept. He looked at Turner and began, "Well, I um, I'm uh…"

"A pain in the ass," came a gravelly voice from on the bed. They all looked down and saw John's eyes half open and his lips turned up in a grin.

Julia squeezed his hand and chuckled but Dave only grumbled, "The thanks I get."

Right then the nurse reentered carrying a tray of supplies. She and Turner spent the next few minutes hooking up and inserting the IV's into John's hand.

When they finished, Turner looked at Dave and offered, "I'll make sure someone checks on him every half hour. Unfortunately we're understaffed tonight due to the flu, but we'll do the best we can. Hopefully once this kicks in, "he motioned to the IV bags, "he'll start feeling a little better. Although I wouldn't be surprised if that fever gets a little higher before it breaks. But we'll keep an eye on it."

"We're going to stay for a little while, too," Julia commented and got a surprised look from Dave. But the look of approval he also threw back made her glad she'd given the offer.

After the doctor and nurse left, Julia started cooling John down again with the facecloth. Dave clicked on the TV and settled in a chair to watch some news show, refilling the basin whenever Julia asked. A nurse had dutifully come in every half hour to check John's IV and take his vitals including his temperature.

Dave started to get even more worried when John's temperature continued to rise. As it did, John became more and more disoriented. His mutterings became more frequent and his dreams troubled. He was thrashing about a bit more so Dave shut off the TV and sat on the edge of the bed trying to calm him down. Julia was on the other side of the bed still moving the wet cloth around.

When John's face contorted in pain and he cried out angrily, "Kolya!" Julia looked alarmed but Dave reached over, took her hand and explained. "He's dreaming. His team told me about this guy, Kolya. He tried to take over the base and John stopped him, like John McLain in Die Hard."

Julia looked down at the weakened man who had momentarily stopped thrashing, finding it hard to believe he could kill anyone. "How many did he…?" she let the question drop off.

Dave tried to gauge his fiancée's reaction when he said, "McKay said over sixty in all."

Her eyes widened in disbelief so Dave defended, "He did what he had to do to keep the base from being forcibly taken. But this Kolya was pretty pissed at John."

"So he got away?" Julia clarified.

"Yeah," Dave answered sadly, "and then a year or so later he captured John and tortured him. And then he sent videos each time to make them watch. No one actually said how, but they all seemed pretty upset about it. I didn't dare ask. I'm not sure I want to know what he did to my brother."

Dave held onto John's hand hoping John knew he was here.

Julia asked, "So did they rescue him or did this Kolya let him go?"

"Ronon said that John escaped. He seemed pretty impressed by it."

John moved a few more times and they both looked down to see his eyes wide open, his face contorted in pain, and those eyes filled with fear. They both started murmuring assurances, touching his arm or holding his hand. His face continued to show pain and fear for far too long.

When Julia pushed John's hair off his forehead and moved her fingers along his head, he seemed to calm down somewhat, so she continued. His eyelids started to lower and again he whispered, "Teyla."

Julia's eyes met Dave's and she felt tears mass in the corners. This poor man had been through so much. He'd been basically estranged from his family for years, lived in what she assumed was a war zone for the past six years. He was separated from his closest, dearest friends, paralyzed and sent to live among people twenty or thirty years older than him. And now here he was delirious, reliving what were probably horrendous moments of his life.

Dave reached his free hand across John's chest and took Julia's hand. "I'm sorry you had to do this with me tonight. It really wasn't what I had in mind after I took you to dinner."

Julia's eyes twinkled as she inquired, "Really, what _did_ you have in mind?"

Dave smirked and looked like he was about to say something, then stopped himself. He gazed at his brother and grinned, "I can't really say with my brother lying here between us."

"Coward!" Julia chuckled.

John let out a small whimper and they both looked down at him. But he made very little noise after that and Julia realized he didn't seem as warm as he had been. When the nurse next came in, she confirmed that indeed John's temperature was coming down. They both breathed a sigh of relief and Dave looked at his watch.

"It's almost eleven. You need to get home. Any way you could just drive yourself home in my car? I think I'll stay here just to make sure he's actually getting better."

Julia walked around the side of the bed Dave was on and rubbed his shoulders as she stood behind him. "If I didn't have a really huge meeting in the morning, I'd stay with you. You're a good brother, you know. John's lucky to have you."

"I don't think John would have always agreed with you," Dave said. "I know I wouldn't have for many years."

Julia leaned down and kissed Dave then moved to give John a kiss on his forehead. "I expect a phone call tomorrow telling me how he is. And how exactly are _you_ planning on getting home?"

"I can take a cab or get one of the driver's from work to come get me. Here are the keys; I'll get the car from you when I can."

He took her in his arms and held her close for a minute. "Thank you for everything you've done tonight. It means a lot to me."

"It was my pleasure," Julia smiled and pressed her lips to his. "Please let John know I'm thinking of him. If there's anything I can do, just call."

"Actually," Dave began thoughtfully, "It might be a good idea to not really mention all that we did for John tonight. I'm not sure how much he'll remember but he's a fairly proud man and I don't imagine he'd be real happy with the," he pointed to the basin, "sponge bath you gave him."

Julia smiled her understanding. She gave him a final kiss and left the room.

Dave checked John's skin again and it was much cooler than it had been all night. He pulled the sheet and blanket up over John's bare torso realizing he'd never get the top on now with the IV attached to his hand.

He pulled the chair over near the bed, propped his feet on the edge and leaned his head against the back of the chair. He knew he had a million important things scheduled for tomorrow but looking at John lying still and pale on the bed, he felt there were some things that were more important.

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xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo

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"Your Colonel had a rough day yesterday," Lisa heard from Polly, one of the weekend night nurses, as soon as she walked on the floor.

Lisa's eyes narrowed in concern and puzzlement but before she could say anything she heard Helen ask, "What happened?" as she came up from behind.

Polly answered, "He's got pneumonia and he spiked a pretty high fever throughout the night."

Lisa grabbed his chart and started looking at everything that had been recorded. Helen peered over her shoulder and asked, "Has a doctor been in?"

Lisa pointed to the chart and showed Helen. "It says here Dr. Turner came in around eight and started him on some IV's."

Polly grimace, "Yeah, the brother was visiting when the Colonel started getting really sick and he wasn't very happy about the lack of nurses here. He's the one who insisted on the doctor coming in."

"Well, it's a good thing he did. His temp got awfully high at times," Lisa pointed out.

"The brother and his fiancée ended up doing most of the work to cool the Colonel down," Polly supplied. "It was really short staffed here last night and more than half of the patients have the flu and were very demanding."

Helen tilted her head questioningly, "I assume the Colonel continued his tradition of _not_ wanting to be fussed over."

Polly shrugged and supplied, "I only got here at midnight and he's been sound asleep since then but Michelle told me he was fairly delirious for the few hours his temp was spiked."

Polly moved closer to the others and looked around as if checking for eavesdroppers, "She also told me she heard the brother telling his fiancée that the Colonel was muttering the name of some guy that had captured and tortured him."

A few indrawn breaths escaped into the air but Helen straightened up and directed, "Okay, we've all got work to do. The poor man doesn't need us gossiping about him. I think I'll go check on him myself right now."

Polly looked chagrined but added, "Just don't let Gina go in there."

Gina had been catching up on paperwork quietly throughout the chatter, but now spoke up, "Why not?"

Polly grinned, "They had to continue sponging him down after the IV was set up, so he's got no top on right now. And he sure doesn't look like most of our other patients."

Gina's eyes lit up and she accused, "You are such a tease. But he's just a patient. A very gorgeous patient, but just a patient."

Lisa just shook her head and touched Helen on the arm, "Let's go see how he is."

As they walked down the hall, they heard Polly call after them, "The brother's still in there."

Lisa went through the door first and immediately started adjusting the sheets back onto the Colonel. The bathroom door opened and Dave Sheppard walked out bleary eyed and hair sticking up. She was used to this from the brother in the bed but not from this oh-so-proper one.

Dave looked up and sighed, "Lisa, I'm glad you're here. It's been a rough night."

"We just got filled in on his condition," she replied as Helen checked his IV and took his temperature.

"It's still slightly over 100 but that's much better than it was last night," Helen said. "You look like you slept in a chair." She laughed as she took note of the chair right up next to the bed. "Why don't you head home and get some rest. Lisa's here now and I plan on keeping an eye on my favorite patient today, too."

Dave ran his hand over his eyes and tried to stifle a yawn. "I just called someone to come get me. It'll be at least twenty minutes before they get here." He looked at his watch. "I need to make a few calls in the meantime."

He turned and walked over to the window and talked to someone about cancelling all his morning appointments. Helen and Lisa worked quickly together to change the sheets, then Helen left saying she'd make sure she cancelled all his therapies today.

Lisa moved around the room tidying up and checking supplies then Dave got off the phone and faced her. "I need to get some sleep before I head to the office this afternoon but please, here," and handed a business card to Lisa and finished, "This has my cell phone number on it as well. If John starts to get worse again, please don't hesitate to call me."

Lisa nodded and Dave left the room. She checked the Colonel's vitals again and noticed his eyes were starting to open.

"Hey," she exclaimed, "I heard you were a little bit of trouble this weekend. Are you feeling any better?"

John opened his eyes and focused on Lisa. Why was she here? She only worked on weekends. It couldn't be Monday already, could it? He tried to remember and vague images flitted through his mind. Dave and Julia and wedding plans. Julia joking about Dave's hairy chest. Being hot, really hot. Someone talking to him in a calming voice. Was it Teyla? No, it couldn't have been. She wasn't here. So, obviously the images of Kolya and Todd weren't real either. So who'd changed his clothes? And run the cold facecloth over his face, neck and chest? He remembered that. Had it been Julia? God, he hoped not. That wouldn't be too embarrassing the first time you met someone.

But he felt like he'd been run over by a truck and he could barely keep his eyes open. He did open them long enough to look at Lisa and whisper, "Hi."

Lisa gave him a huge smile and greeted, "Hi, yourself. You seem pretty wiped, Colonel. I think we'll have a fairly calm day and not worry about your therapies. So you can just close your eyes and go back to sleep. I'll be right here if you need me, okay?"

John smiled back and closed his eyes. Lisa looked at the sleeping man, glad he was getting some rest. She thought he was just about the nicest, most easy-going patient she'd ever had.

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xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo xoxoxox


	7. Chapter 7

xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo xoxoxox

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"Thanks for the wordy e-mail, Chewie," John muttered as he read through the brief message from his friend. He was in the rec room using the one computer that was available for patient use. Since most of their patients were elderly there wasn't much call for high technology. This was only the second time he'd used it since, up until recently, his motor skills hadn't been advanced enough.

Although after this morning, he even wondered about that. He'd been allowed to take his own showers starting last week, once he'd proved he could transfer himself from the wheelchair into the 'shower chair' that was kept in the bathroom. He'd put extra effort into that feat since he was still deathly embarrassed whenever Lisa and Mary had to do it for him. But during this morning's clean up he'd dropped just about everything he'd tried to use. He reached up and touched his chin where he'd gone and cut himself shaving.

He looked back at Ronon's e-mail which didn't say much more than everyone missed him and that it sucked that he wasn't there. He opened up the three e-mails from Rodney and sighed. Contrary to Ronon's letter, Rodney's letters went on and on in vivid detail about all the technical projects he was working on and how Zalenka and the rest of the science team were all scheming to drive him to insanity by screwing them all up.

Teyla only had one e-mail but it was fairly long. She reported on several of the trade agreements that were currently being negotiated, the status of the Coalition and current reports on the movement of the Wraith. She then informed him that Rodney was driving Woolsey crazy with unnecessary demands. Lorne was doing a fine job with the troops but that many of the people missed having him around Atlantis, she and Torren among them. She then thanked John for the tricycle for Torren's birthday even though they had not given it to him yet. They would on his actual date of birth.

John thought for a second to what the actual date was and realized _**today**_ was Torren's birthday. He took in a deep breath and it escaped fairly shaky, giving away the intensity of his emotions. He should be there right now, in Atlantis. Having cake and ice cream, blowing up balloons, shaking noisemakers and presenting Torren with his new tricycle and teaching him how to ride it. But he wasn't there. He was here. Spending the few minutes he had between his last therapy and lunch checking for any snippets of news from Atlantis.

At John's deep sigh, Lisa looked over from where she was sitting, catching up on paperwork. "Everything okay, Colonel?"

John put his hand up and pointed to the computer. "They're still sending me the menu for the base mess hall." He gave a slight chuckle then shook his head. "But they're having tuna casserole for dinner tonight. T.J. hates tuna casserole. If I were there I would have made sure they had meatloaf."

John's raised his eyes in remembrance and a small grin appeared. "God, can that kid eat meatloaf and mashed potatoes and gravy. It usually takes Teyla and me almost an hour to rinse it off him." John chuckled again then his eyes grew dark. "I should have made sure they had meatloaf today."

Lisa was surprised at the Colonel's words. He never actually talked about the people in the pictures on his dresser. He'd mentioned who they were but he was a very private person and seemed reluctant to share anything more. Hearing about his boy and how much he loved meatloaf, made him more real for Lisa and somehow that made her sad.

She leaned forward and reminded him, "You haven't been there for six weeks, Colonel, and you were in bad shape when you left. What's so important about today's menu?"

John's head turned toward Lisa like he had just realized he was actually talking to someone. He was somewhat embarrassed at his little Memory Lane trip that she'd witnessed but took another deep breath and answered, "It's T.J.'s birthday today. He's two now."

He looked away from Lisa and focused back on the computer.

"I'm so sorry, Colonel," Lisa said softly and put her hand on his shoulder for support.

He nodded his head and said, "Thanks, I'm uh …just gonna read these last few e-mails then head to my room for lunch."

Lisa sat back with her files and John opened up the last e-mail of importance, the one from Major Lorne. He'd sent a few earlier ones that John had read last week but this one was dated just a few days ago, so it was newer than anything anyone else had sent. John started reading and he could feel himself growing hot with anger at the contents. Lorne's earlier e-mails had been filled with lots of information regarding the activities and missions that had been going on during John's absence. But this one was short and to the point.

The SGC had decided that since John's absence was long term it was best to send a replacement instead of allowing Lorne to temporarily assume the role of Military CO. Lorne was under strict orders from the new guy, a Colonel Jeff Armstrong, that he was not to send Sheppard any more information regarding the base. If it was necessary, and John could read between the lines that Armstrong did not think it would be, Armstrong himself would send the e-mails. Lorne apologized extensively and told Sheppard to get better soon.

John calmly logged out and reset the browser. He could feel his breath going in and out heavier than normal and the anger in him grow bigger and bigger until it finally exploded. He pounded his fist down on the keyboard and growled, "Damn it!"

More than a few heads turned in his direction and the embarrassment he felt at causing the attention to turn to him, cooled his anger briefly. He rolled away from the computer, his head down and muttered, "Sorry."

Lisa's eyes were wide as she looked at the Colonel's face, now hard as granite. She'd seen him sad and embarrassed and in physical pain but she'd never seen him like this. The overly polite, oh-so-accommodating military man now looked almost dangerous.

He took another deep breath, schooled his features to soften his face slightly and informed her, "I'll be in my room."

He wheeled away and Lisa watched him go. She made sure he got on the elevator then took the stairs herself just to make sure he got where he was going. As she watched the wheelchair turn at the end of the hall into his room, she wondered what was in that last e-mail he'd read. The reaction he'd had made her think it was a bit more than missing his kid's birthday.

John rolled into his room and over near the bed. He picked up the phone from the bedside table and dialed his brother's work number, hoping Dave had a minute to talk. He wasn't surprised when the secretary told him that Dave was currently out of the office at a meeting. He left a message saying he really needed to talk to him and could he come visit that night.

He hung up the phone gently, even though what he really wanted to do was pull the damn thing out of the wall and throw it across the room, preferably at Dave's head. He knew he shouldn't be mad at Dave. _He_ hadn't sent some Marine Colonel to replace him. But Dave had brought him _here_ because he wanted him close by. That's what he'd said anyway. But John was beginning to wonder. Dave was definitely one for appearances and how would it look to everyone if the altruistic businessman, who gave so generously of his time and money to so many worth causes, allowed his own brother to be put in a menial VA hospital. Okay, maybe he wasn't being fair; after all he was in a really pissy mood right now. But he'd been in this place for almost six weeks and Dave had barely come to visit half a dozen times.

He had to admit that Dave had gone above and beyond when John had gotten pneumonia. The staff had told him his brother had stayed by his side all night, not that he remembered much of that. But that had been over two weeks ago and Dave had only been by once since then.

A young man walked in and quietly put a tray of food on the rolling bed table. He wasn't very hungry now but knew he'd need something to get him through this afternoon's PT. At least he didn't need to have anyone feeding him like a baby anymore but it was still embarrassing how messy he got sometimes when eating. He'd been pushing himself pretty hard lately and his muscles were sore and shaky, so he decided to get in bed to eat, that way he could just relax afterwards.

It took him a bit longer than normal to get into the bed by himself, probably because of those sore, shaky muscles. When he'd gotten settled and moved the head of the bed up to a comfortable eating position, he looked down at his sneakers. They'd come untied again, no surprise. His fingers had gotten nimble enough to press down on the piano keys to make recognizable music but trying to get them to perform the very intricate task of wrapping laces around each other to form a bow was still eluding him.

He attempted to just toe-off the sneakers but the feet still had no desire to do much more than wiggle back and forth. He reached down, grabbed the shoes and tossed them near his wheelchair. He'd worry about how to get them later. Actually, he knew Lisa would do it for him, so why worry at all.

He reached over and grabbed the tray table and pulled it toward him. Soup…big surprise! Although this stuff actually looked like it had noodles in it. Next to it was applesauce, yogurt and jello. He desperately needed something substantial to eat. If he lost any more weight they'd have to take in the elastic waist of all his workout pants. He really could go for that meatloaf and mashed potatoes he'd mentioned earlier.

That thought just brought back the fact that it was Torren's birthday today and he couldn't be there. Depressed, he ate the applesauce and the jello then figured the soup should be cooled enough to attempt. It wasn't bad and John enjoyed the feel of chewing the noodles. Unfortunately there weren't much more than a few and John was left trying to fill up on broth.

His hand shook as he moved the spoon up to his mouth and he was disgusted that after six weeks he still couldn't eat like a normal adult. Wouldn't the guys at the base get a hoot out of their CO dribbling food down his face like a two year old? Like Torren who was now officially two years old. And how old would he be when John managed to get back there? If Beckett was right, Torren would be turning three. Would John miss that birthday as well? Would he even be allowed back?

Maybe this Colonel Armstrong would be exactly what Atlantis needed, at least the SGC and IOA version of what Atlantis needed. There was no doubt in John's mind that there were people in both the IOA and the SGC who though he was completely unfit for command. Luckily he'd always had the support of people like Weir and Carter and even General O'Neill who really liked him for some odd reason. John had read enough about O'Neill's days in SG-1 to know that he was a fairly unorthodox leader, too. And an Air Force pilot to boot. Maybe it was the similarity.

But maybe after a year of Armstrong's way of doing things even Carter and O'Neill could be persuaded that John's usefulness was at an end. And then what would he do? Lead an off-world SG team out of the SGC? Be put in an office job pushing papers around all day? The USAir Force was very stringent on the physical requirements needed for active duty. Everett had found that out the hard way.

Would John even recover fully from this disabling event? He'd definitely made improvements from his first day of no speech or movement whatsoever. And his therapists here thought he was progressing at an unprecedented pace. All that had given John hope and motivation to work hard. But what if some of his muscles _were_ permanently damaged? What if he could go only so far and no further, no matter how hard he pushed himself?

He'd get an honorable discharge from the Air Force but then what? He was a career military pilot and commander. Not much call for that in the non-military world. And if he wasn't fully recovered, he'd probably never be allowed to fly again. That thought brought panic crawling up John's insides. So much so that the shaking got worse and he spilled soup down the front of his white t-shirt.

"Shit!" he cursed and dropped the spoon into the bowl causing more broth to splash out onto him. He grabbed the pitiful excuse for a napkin that was on the tray and attempted to wipe the broth off his shirt.

"Yeah, that'll work," John scoffed. He pushed the tray away slightly and leaned over to his left thinking maybe he could just open his dresser drawer from here and get a clean shirt. He pulled on the handle and the drawer cracked open a tiny bit then got stuck. He leaned a bit more but misjudged the distance and fell right off the bed. He landed on the floor but not before he'd hit his head on the corner of the dresser.

"Jesus! What the…" John yelled as he put a hand up to his left temple and pulled it away, seeing blood on his hand. He swore a few more times, then opened the drawer, grabbed a clean t-shirt and threw it onto the bed. He sat up a bit more and forcefully slammed the drawer shut, causing both pictures on top to fall over.

"Aaahhhh!" exploded out of John's mouth and he felt like kicking something. _Oh, but that's right, I can't because my freakin' legs don't work. _He used his arms to manipulate himself closer to the bed where he grabbed hold of the side railing and attempted to pull himself up. It took three tries before he managed to get himself completely on the bed, legs and all. He was breathing heavy and lying at a weird angle so he pushed his arms against the bed to try and move. He shifted his position only slightly but enough to bump the food tray, spilling the rest of the soup all over the bed and himself.

"Are you kidding me?" he roared as all the pent up frustration finally took control. He wasn't sure where it came from but he just didn't have the strength to hold it back anymore.

His hands swung across the top of the bed table throwing everything on the floor. But that wasn't enough; the fire inside him was still at a boiling point so he pushed at the table. It only rolled a few feet away which was far from satisfying, so he lunged and managed to knock it over completely, sending a crashing noise across the room. Unfortunately the momentum of his lunge carried John right off the edge of the bed to land half on the prone table.

It should have knocked some sense into him but it only seemed to enrage him more. What good was all this hard work if he ended up out of a job, away from all the people he loved?

Helen came rushing in exclaiming when she saw the mess. "Colonel, what happened?"

John was having a meltdown, he knew it, but was completely unable to stop it. And here was Helen, who had never been anything but nice to him, in front of his runaway train.

His eyes opened in panic and he yelled through gritted teeth, "No! Go away!"

She stopped for a second, confused, but clearly wanting to help. But John knew there was no help for him now. She moved closer to the bed, seeing him lying on the floor behind it.

"Colonel!" she cried in alarm.

John couldn't let her come any closer. He mustered all the anger he could, and there was plenty, and roared, "Get the hell out of here!"

Helen froze and actually took a few steps back before she stopped once more. She would have moved forward again except John's eyes, so filled with pain, looked up at her and roughly pleaded, "Please! Go!"

Helen knew better than to try and deal with this situation on her own so she backed out of the room and went in search of Lisa.

John watched her go; relief and regret mixing together inside his gut. He pushed himself upright and shoved the fallen table even further away from him. Surveying the damage he'd done should have made him ashamed and embarrassed but he still had this burning desire to cause destruction.

He turned his body and grabbed his wheelchair, sending it flying into the bedside table. The impact sent the vase of flowers that Julia had sent crashing to the floor. Glass and water flew everywhere but John didn't care. The hand piece of the phone was knocked off the cradle so John followed through on his earlier desire to rip it out of the wall. Dave's head wasn't handy so he tossed it toward the toppled bed table, the resounding crash giving John some satisfaction.

John picked up the tray that had held his lunch, thinking this could do some damage. He whacked it against the back of the wheelchair and felt the vibration ripple along his arms. He was in the middle of his next swing when both Lisa and Helen showed up at the door.

He finished the swing, hearing the resulting crack echo through the room.

Lisa inched closer, softly reasoning, "We just want to help you, Colonel. What can we do?"

The eyes he turned on her were icy cold. He lifted the tray again and beat it repeatedly against the chair with his barked words punctuated in between. "I … don't … want … any … fuckin' … help!"

His overworked muscles rebelled at this point and the tray dropped from his hands. He crumpled onto his sides breathing harshly as he growled quietly but dangerously, "Get out!"

Lisa and Helen had already moved to the door, tears running down their cheeks.

"I don't know what set this off," choked Helen softly.

Lisa nodded. "He was upset earlier anyway. It's T.J.'s birthday today. But then he read some work e-mail and he got even more upset. He calmed himself down right away but immediately went back to his room.

"His brother," Helen snapped, "we should call his brother."

"He gave me his card," Lisa said. "I'll go do it now," and she ran off towards the nurses' station.

Helen stayed by the door. She couldn't really see much as the Colonel was on the floor on the other side of the bed but she felt like someone should keep watch. Lisa came back a few minutes later, disappointment in her eyes.

"He was away from the office in a meeting and there was no answer on his cell phone."

Helen looked torn. She had other duties she needed to perform but couldn't bring herself to leave the Colonel when he was so desperately in need. Lisa understood her dilemma.

"Go," she instructed. "It's my job to keep an eye out for him. You go do what you have to. I'll keep you informed."

Helen nodded and walked back up the hall passing Dr. Turner on her way. He stopped in the doorway and asked Lisa, "What's going on? One of the nurses said the Colonel was causing a ruckus."

"Something set him off," Lisa supplied. "I'm not sure what but I'd give him some time to cool down."

Dr. Turner peeked into the room and saw the destruction. His eyes turned angry and he stomped in. "Colonel Sheppard! What's the meaning of all this?"

John was in no mood to deal with this pompous windbag so he grabbed the sneaker that was by his hand and hurled it toward the door. It missed Turner by a few inches but got the man to halt his approach.

"What the heck?" Turner snapped. "Colonel, you can't just go around throwing things at people."

John answered this by flinging the now empty soup bowl across the room.

"Colonel!" Turner demanded, "What is it that you want?"

John hefted the yogurt container and snarled through clenched teeth, "I want you to leave me the hell alone!"

Turner didn't budge until he saw John's hand start to move. He'd barely reached the door when he heard the yogurt container splat against it. He slipped into the hallway, turned around and saw yogurt sliding down the door just a short distance from where he'd been standing.

"I've already left a message for his brother," Lisa said. "Hopefully he'll call back soon."

For the first time Lisa saw Dr. Turner's usually jovial mood turn sour. "I've never had a patient actually throw something at me. This one threw three." He marched off down the hallway muttering.

Over the next hour or so, several other therapists, doctors and even the center's psychologist made an appearance. Each time, Sheppard growled at them to go away and threw something. Now there was an assortment of silverware, cups, sneakers, and even a bedpan scattered on the floor near the hallway.

Lisa kept telling everyone to just give the man some time. But no one listened to her and they barely gave him five minutes before the next siege came.

Dr. Lambert, the psychologist, claimed he must be reliving some battle memory. Lisa knew that probably wasn't the case. Much of it was he was missing his little boy and as the mother of two boys herself she could completely understand. She might joke about getting six weeks away from them but reality was, if she couldn't see her boys for that length of time, she'd go over the edge, too.

As Dr. Lambert was prattling on, trying to get Sheppard to respond in some positive way, Roy Stanton appeared, obviously concerned about the brother of one of their biggest benefactors.

"I've left a few more messages for David," Stanton boasted, making sure no one missed that he was on a first name basis with the very well-known businessman.

He walked into the room, alongside Lambert, and announced, "Colonel Sheppard, I'm Roy Stanton. I met you on your first day here. I'm a friend of your brother's. I'm the one who arranged all this."

John had just about had it with the parade of people all wanting to help him. He picked up the phone, hand piece _and_ cradle, and sat up as best he could. He gave fair warning with, "I don't give a shit _who_ you are, just get the fuck out of here!"

And with that he chucked the phone right between the two puffed up egotists. They ran from the room, indignant that anyone would treat them that way.

Lisa just stayed at her post, leaning against the door frame, tears still leaking from her eyes. Couldn't they see that this man was in pain? She watched as John pulled himself along the floor, heading for the window. He stopped a few times, she couldn't tell what for, but finally pulled himself up and propped himself in the corner of the window bump out. He leaned against the wall and stared outside.

John was so tired he wasn't sure how he was still moving. But this was emotional exhaustion more than physical. He pulled himself along the floor, dragging the useless pieces of flesh he called legs, and reached the window.

The view was really nice from here. It was mostly trees with a small view of the tiny pond and the path that led down to it. He hadn't actually gotten anywhere near that pond during his stay.

He felt a twinge in his hand that brought his attention away from the serene scene. He looked down and realized he had a broken piece of vase in each hand. He didn't even remember picking these up, but he must have, subconsciously. He squeezed the broken shards harder in each hand and felt the physical pain each one brought.

Yeah, he could deal with this, this physical pain. So many people claimed he had a tolerance for pain. He knew that wasn't the real truth. As he continued to clutch the glass tighter in his hands, he could feel the pressure in his stomach and around his heart start to ease. This was his little secret. The discomfort of the physical pain overshadowed the emotional pain and made it easier to deal with.

He'd always been that way. He'd fall off a horse and hurt himself or break a bone playing some sport way too rough. He never meant to do it, but it always seemed to take his mind off the fact that his Dad didn't have time to play with him or that his Mom was slowly dying.

So maybe he hadn't changed all that much. As his mind went back to his earlier thought of not seeing Atlantis again or his 'family' there, he moved the glass around again. He stared at the blood dripping between his closed fingers with a sort of detachment. He moved one hand along the other, allowing the sharp edges to continue its assault along the pad of his thumb, his wrist and even a short distance up his arm.

He didn't dig the glass in too deep, just deep enough to leave a small trail of crimson in its wake. He watched fascinated for what seemed like hours but was probably nowhere near that amount of time.

John looked outside again and noticed the sun getting lower in the sky. He'd called his brother earlier today, seeking help. That obviously wasn't coming.

The anger rose inside him again, before he even realized it had somewhat receded. He clenched his fist tighter and pounded it down on his inert leg. He almost chuckled when he felt the pain in his thigh from the glass in his fist. Most paralytics couldn't move their legs but they also had no sensation in them. He was just lucky. He couldn't move the worthless appendages but he got the pain just fine. John's right fist continued to pound up and down rhythmically as his breathing settled into a pattern. His eyes glossed over and his mind started to clear, but his hand never stopped its movement in time.

.

.

xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox

.

_Man it's been a long day!_ Dave Sheppard thought as he made his way up to his office mid-afternoon. He'd been in a meeting regarding a possible acquisition all day and it had been brutal. But he'd needed to be at the top of his game and make sure he took in every minute detail, or it would be a mistake he'd likely regret. He really just wanted to check in with Mrs. Tucker and head home for a cold beer and if he was lucky, the warm arms of Julia.

More than likely she'd be waiting for him at the house. She'd been slowly moving her things in, getting a jumpstart on their marriage in a little over four months. He'd never complain though. Having Julia in his life was one of the best decisions he'd ever made.

He checked the few text messages she'd sent today which reminded him that John had called earlier and left a message. He had wanted to talk to Dave and could he possibly stop by tonight. Dave groaned at the thought of driving over to the rehab center. It really wasn't that far but just enough out of the way to make it inconvenient. He could visit John tomorrow night, couldn't he? Whatever he needed to talk about could wait one more day, he was sure.

He was hoping to just slip in and out of his office without a big fuss but he got cornered by two of his department heads on the way. They each took turns outlining some problems they were having and did Dave have any input for them. He was about to tell them to come see him tomorrow when Mrs. Tucker spotted him and hustled over.

"Mr. Sheppard, you received quite a few calls from Meadowgreen. I don't know exactly what happened but they're saying John got really violent and wrecked the place."

A look of confusion crossed his face as he tried to comprehend what she'd just said. He gave a huge sigh and instructed, "Give them a call and tell them I'm on my way."

He strode away from the two men who had mercifully stopped trying to get his attention and headed back down to his car. As he started it up and drove down the street he realized he'd never even made it into his office.

He made the thirty minute drive in twenty-two, parked his car and headed into the building. They said John had become violent and destroyed things. He was hoping much of this was exaggeration. John and their Dad had been involved in their share of fights and most of them could resister on the Richter scale but words were all that had ever been thrown around. Of course those had been enough and had done more than their share of damage.

The second floor was buzzing when he got off the elevator but when he started down the hall the silence was deafening and all eyes were on him.

Lisa was leaning against the door frame, a very sad expression on her face.

"Lisa," Dave greeted gruffly, "What's going on? They said John went nuts."

Lisa nodded and started, "He was upset earlier because it was T.J.'s birthday today then …"

Dave never let her finish because he'd taken a look inside the room and noticed the devastation his brother had caused. His first clue was the yogurt on the door. The pile of shoes, utensils and dinnerware, as well as the sheets half off the bed, told Dave that indeed his brother had gotten violent and trashed the place. The question was, why?

Dave spotted John sitting by the window, vacantly staring outside while his right fist pounded out a beat on his thigh.

.

John heard talking at the door and thought, _okay, here we go, round two_. They'd bombarded him with people for over an hour but then had thankfully left him alone for quite a while. He should have known it wouldn't last. He didn't bother to look up when he heard footsteps approach; he just growled softly, "Get out!"

Dave paused briefly when he heard John speak. There was a danger and emotion in John's voice that he'd never experienced before with his brother. The stony set of his face and the distant, angry stare of his eyes, made Dave look twice at John. It was very believable that this man in front of him had killed sixty men by himself. He'd never been able to rationalize the deed with his brother before.

Dave moved around the bed and saw even more of the mess he'd created. The toppled table, food on the floor, the broken vase with the water and flowers strewn all over, brought to light exactly how much damage his brother had caused. He thought of what it would cost to replace and clean all this and his temperature began to rise.

"John!" Dave demanded hotly. "What the hell happened here?"

John looked up in surprise that his brother had actually shown up. But one look at David's livid face had John knowing Dave hadn't shown up because of _his_ phone call. He'd shown up because of _theirs._

John looked back out the window at the sun setting in the distance and commented emotionlessly, "Guess now I know what I have to do to make you come see me."

"Is that what this is about?" accused Dave. "You were mad that I didn't call you back so you decided to destroy the place."

As John had no idea why he'd done what he'd done, he remained silent.

The silence just seemed to drive Dave further into a rage. "I can't believe you did this!" he ranted. "Look at all this destruction. What could you possibly have been thinking?"

John's eyes flicked briefly to Dave. "You don't care what I think. Not enough to spend any time here."

"I happen to be very busy working so I can pay for all this," Dave defended. "Do you know what I had to do to get you in here? I had to call in favors to get you moved to the top of the waiting list. And for a private room, no less."

Dave took a deep breath and ran his hand through his hair. He was beginning to understand why his father would get so upset when dealing with John. He looked back at the unresponsive face of his brother and continued his lecture. "You know this place costs an indecent amount of money. The daily therapies are all extra, not to mention the private nurse I hired who, God knows, may never come back after your behavior today."

John's blood began to boil at Dave's use of the word 'behavior'. He felt like he was a little kid again being disciplined by his father. Several memories floated to the surface as Dave rambled on.

"I don't know how I'll ever be able to look Roy Stanton in the face again after this fiasco," Dave agonized. "I have a reputation in this community and …"

John couldn't take it any longer. The apathy that had been on his face, disappeared in a flash, to be replaced with fury and resentment. "Is that all you care about, your damn reputation?" John spat out. "You care so freakin' much about your important connections and you care so much about your precious money! That's _all_ you care about!"

Dave took a step closer to John, his own outrage spilling over. "What is it you want from me, John?" he sneered as he waved his hand around the room. "I gave you all this. Arranged for all this. Huh? What is it you _want_ me to care about?"

John's agonized eyes met his brother's as he choked out the word, "Me." John turned back toward the window lowering his head as he finished, barely above a whisper, "I just want you to care about _me_."

Dave heard the break in John's voice at the last whispered word and all his anger and frustration seemed to evaporate like so much steam.

John was now leaning against the window, eyes closed, a few shuddering breaths causing his body to quiver. Dave felt himself deflate as he realized how unfair he'd been coming into the room like gangbusters and demanding answers. He should have been more concerned _why_ John had acted the way he had. That would have made much more sense. But in typical David Sheppard fashion, his first thought had been on how things would affect him.

He moved through the water and glass on the floor to kneel down next to John. He tentatively touched his brother's shoulder and faltered, "Oh, God! I'm …I'm so sorry, John."

The deep regret and emotion inside him caused his voice to come out almost breathless. It was that tone that made John look up and amazement filled him when he saw his brother's eyes gleaming with moisture. A similar affliction took hold of John but he was rendered speechless by the intense feelings coursing through him.

Dave also seemed to be searching for the right words. "I _do_ care about you, John, very much," he insisted. "I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression that I didn't."

Dave sat down on the floor right in front of John and continued, "Being the selfish bastard that I am, I only ever thought about myself when it came to visiting you. You've always been such an active person and it kills me to see you stuck in a wheelchair struggling just to do daily tasks."

Dave tilted his head up and his gaze roved over the ceiling. "I never really thought about the fact that it would be a hundred times worse for you."

John appreciated his brother's truthfulness and figured Dave had earned some from him as well. "Sometimes," John gulped, "I just need you _here_."

John was embarrassed at the catch in his voice that he couldn't quite control. The wetness in Dave's eyes seemed to increase in intensity and he reached down to take one of John's hands. Those same eyes widened in horror when they noticed there was blood dripping out between John's fingers and onto the front of his shirt.

He quickly grabbed both his hands and unclenched the fists. "What?" was all Dave could get out when he saw the shards of glass and the damage they had done. John was staring at his hands in confusion like he couldn't remember how this had happened. And that frightened Dave more than anything. He quickly grabbed the sharp objects and tossed them aside.

"Stay here, John," he softly directed. "I'm just going to get something to clean these up, okay?"

John gave a brief nod so Dave quickly ran to the bathroom, wet a couple of facecloths and returned to his brother's side.

Dave grew more concerned when he saw that John was still staring at his hands in bewilderment. Dave made quick work wiping the blood off John's fingers and palms, but was dismayed to see the cut that ran across the pad of one thumb, down to his wrist and even a short distance up his arm.

Had John been so distressed that he had contemplated slitting his own wrist? The thought made Dave cringe. He'd been standing here, yelling at his brother while John could have been slowly bleeding to death. He truly hated himself sometimes.

The cuts in the middle of John's palms and on his fingers were quite deep but Dave felt that getting John calm and feeling cared for and supported was more important at the moment. As he applied pressure on the facecloths covering the wounds, Dave could see John starting to wilt. The commotion of the day was beginning to take its toll on John's already afflicted body so Dave leaned back against the window, encouraging John to relax against him. Surprisingly, there was no resistance.

John knew he should feel weird leaning against his brother like a pathetic little kid. But he didn't. Dave's arms around him, holding the facecloths firmly against his bleeding cuts, felt reassuring. It had been a long time since anyone had gone quite so far to reassure _him_.

But Dave had done this before, a very long time ago. They had been out camping as a family in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. John had just celebrated his tenth birthday and Dave was almost twelve. Their parents had instructed them to stay close to the camp as they cleaned up the dinner that they'd cooked over the fire. But John couldn't resist the temptation to go out exploring.

He'd read that there were actually moose and bears up here. He'd convinced Dave that he'd found some moose tracks and was planning to follow them. He told him he didn't need to worry about getting lost because he could always follow them back.

Dave had gone cautiously behind, attempting to get John to turn around and go back every few minutes. John just plowed ahead forcing Dave to almost run to keep up. Of course ten year old John had a plan, but it didn't include getting lost or having the sun start to go down behind the tall trees, casting everything into shadow.

When Dave had finally gotten close enough to John to grab a hold of him, he insisted they go back. John had been getting kind of bored with just tree after tree, so he agreed. They turned around and started to go back but soon discovered they had no idea which way to go. They hadn't been following any path and most of the trees looked alike.

As the sun set lower, John had gotten a brilliant idea. He would climb one of these trees, find the campground and they would head in that direction. Dave had his doubts but John had scampered up a nearby tree before Dave could voice an objection. He kept climbing higher and higher trying to find any sign of people. The higher John went, the more worried Dave got.

And in true John Sheppard style, he'd fallen. At first he'd just slid down a few branches but the scrapes he'd gotten on his hands had made it difficult to hold on firmly. And he had tumbled past a few more branches until he'd hit the last one and crumpled on the ground at Dave's feet.

John's breath had been knocked out of him but he'd shaken it off and attempted to sit up. That's when he knew something was wrong. His arm gave out when he tried to put any weight on it and a sharp pain shot from his wrist to his shoulder.

John had insisted he was fine and that he could definitely walk. But Dave had put his foot down. Wandering around the woods would get them nowhere. He figured their parents would have started a search party by now and the best thing to do would be to just sit here and wait.

John didn't like the idea but Dave could tell his arm and other bruises were really beginning to hurt. Without the sun, the woods were cooling down so Dave sat with his back against a tree and had pulled John in front of him, holding his now throbbing arm.

Kind of like how they were sitting right now, John thought.

He remembered how scared he'd been thinking nobody would find them except maybe those bears he knew lived in these woods. But Dave kept talking to him, telling him they'd be fine and that he wouldn't let anything hurt John. Besides, Dave had added, John was way too skinny and wouldn't be worth the effort for any bear to eat him.

Even with the joke, John remembered more than a few tears falling as they waited through the darkening skies. When help did come, John made sure to wipe any tell tale signs of those tears so his father didn't see. His parents had been extremely angry, especially his father, but they were also relieved to find their missing boys.

The camping trip had ended and nothing more was said of the initial disobedience. John's punishment, they figured, was the cast he had to wear for the next eight weeks, essentially his whole summer vacation. No swimming, no running, no golf, no horseback riding, no sports of any kind was definitely more of a punishment than anything their father could have come up with.

As John thought back to that incident almost thirty years ago, he realized that some things never change. The physical pain he'd felt out in the woods had helped him get through by overshadowing the fear and anxiety the situation had caused. It was a good thing nobody from the Air Force could see him now or know his thoughts. They'd never let him near a military base again.

.

Dave looked down at John as the man became more relaxed in his arms. He could kick himself when he thought of his earlier actions. Why did everything have to come down to what other people would think? Dave had truly thought he was showing John how much he cared by bringing him here to this amazing establishment and providing him with the best equipment and doctors and therapists.

But John never cared about the material things and Dave knew that, deep down anyway. John wouldn't see the material stuff as caring. But it was how Patrick Sheppard had done things and really was the only way Dave knew how to show he cared. Money and power were important to Dave, even if he tried to deny it. But why did he think his brother's values were the same as his? And the more he thought about it, the more he realized he should be more like John.

He remembered the day last year when they'd met in San Francisco for lunch. John had gotten so much pleasure from just rolling around on the ground with Torren and holding the little boy close as he slept in his arms. He'd thought then that maybe John was on to something. But months back in the corporate world had made him forget the little lesson he'd learned that day.

Again wondering what had ignited John's rampage, Dave remembered Lisa's saying that John had been upset because it was T.J.'s birthday. John loved that little boy like his own and Dave now understood that John had been without him for six weeks. And he was celebrating his birthday today … without John.

He started to sense John's rhythmic breathing and knew he had fallen asleep. They should get him into bed but Dave didn't really want John waking up. They'd reached a tentative truce but he still didn't know the whole reason behind today's outburst. He looked toward the door and noticed Lisa was still leaning against the door frame. Dave lifted his chin and caught her eye indicating she should come over.

.

Lisa stood in the doorway knowing she should have gone home half an hour ago but she just couldn't. Not until she knew that the Colonel would be all right. She'd been aggravated earlier when everyone had tried to talk him down despite her protests that he just needed some _time_ to calm himself down.

Then it had been quiet for a while until the brother had shown up. She was relieved that he was here, until he had gone in and started ranting away about money and his position in the community. But it had all worked out after the Colonel had yelled back a few things. She hadn't heard his last whispered response but whatever it was, it had done the trick. Mr. Sheppard had visibly drooped and moved to comfort his brother.

He'd tended some wounds the Colonel had gotten then gathered his brother in his arms. Her eyes had teared up again at this compassionate act. When Dr. Turner, Mr. Stanton and Dr. Lambert had each come by again, hearing that Dave Sheppard was now on the scene, Lisa had stood her ground. There was no way she was letting anyone near those two and messing up the tenuous bond being formed. She had sent them away saying she'd inform them when they were needed.

Helen had gotten off work at five also and had come to join her at the door. They didn't speak, just watched the tender moments pass between the brothers. Lisa smiled at the third person who had joined them, one she hadn't wanted to scare away. Dave Sheppard's fiancée had shown up about fifteen minutes ago concerned when she'd gotten word from the office that John had had some problems. Helen had briefly taken her into the hallway and given her a short synopsis.

Lisa now saw Dave Sheppard give her the eye. She slowly and quietly walked toward him in the darkening room. She stopped a few feet away, surveying the damage on this side of the room for the first time. She could see that the Colonel was out cold.

Dave looked up and whispered, "We need to get him in bed and clean up these cuts," he lifted his hands slightly which were still holding John's. "I don't know how he'll react if a whole bunch of people are suddenly here. Is there anything we can give him that will keep him asleep for a while?"

Lisa nodded and softly said, "Be right back."

She moved to the door and asked Helen to find Dr. Turner. "Let him know his expertise is now required."

A few minutes later Lisa and Helen moved smoothly across the room. Helen gently straightened John's arm while Lisa injected a needle into his vein. At the sharp penetration, John's eyes popped open and Helen strengthened her hold on his appendage. Lisa reassured him with her calming voice as she finished the injection. His expression was confused for only a few moments, then the sedative started to kick in and his eyes drifted closed again.

Lisa and Helen turned on the lights, quickly stripped the bed and added new sheets, allowing Dave and Dr. Turner to lift him and deposit him in the middle. Turner pulled off the blood stained cloths and examined the cuts. "The ones in the middle of his palms and some of his fingers are pretty deep. They'll need to be sutured."

Lisa turned to go get the required supplies and Helen announced, "I'll start cleaning up." She started with the glass on the floor.

"I can help, too," stated a voice from the doorway and Dave was astonished to see Julia, her business suit smart and proper, picking up the dirty utensils John had thrown around.

"When did you…?" Dave wondered aloud.

"About fifteen minutes ago. I heard what happened from your office and thought someone might need some support."

Dave smiled and said, "You're amazing!" then focused back on John as Lisa walked back into the room with the tray of supplies.

She insisted on removing John's soiled and bloody shirt before they started and noticed a few scratches from the glass on his abdomen as well as a cut on his forehead. She helped clean and bandage the cuts and lacerations when Dr. Turner was done stitching his right hand. When Turner started working on John's left, Lisa moved to John's right.

She moved the waist band of his pants down slightly to clean the scratches on his stomach and noticed the tears on his right pant leg. Looking closer she saw there were many tears in the fabric. She then remembered his fist pounding up and down on this very spot.

"Help me get these off," she directed Dave and his curiosity turned to horror when the pants were removed and a series of deep slashes could be seen on his thigh. Most of the blood had congealed but a few spots still had a liquid crimson substance. Turner put a few stitches in these and let Lisa clean and bandage the rest.

As they worked, Turner asked, "Do we know what set this off?"

Dave looked at Lisa and confirmed, "You said it was Torren's birthday today, right?"

"Torren?" Lisa repeated then said, "T.J., yeah. He'd been checking his e-mail and he seemed bothered by the fact that the base mess hall was serving tuna casserole and he said T.J. hates tuna casserole. He said he should have made sure they had meatloaf, T.J.'s favorite."

"Who's this T.J.?" Turner asked and Helen, who was just straightening the pictures on the dresser, held one up and said, "This little guy. His son."

Dave was about to correct her mistake when he realized he had no idea if John had actually told them that or not. He also thought back to all he'd seen and heard of John and Torren's relationship and knew the word 'son' may not have been true biologically but it was true in every other sense of the word.

"I don't think that was the only reason," Lisa deduced. "After the meatloaf comment he read another e-mail and that one made him really mad, swearing mad. He quickly apologized but then took off for his room for lunch. It may have been a bunch of things that all came to a head but that last e-mail was the spark that set it off."

Dave sighed and looked guilty. "I think that's about the time he called me. He said he needed to talk and I wasn't available. Damn it!"

Julia took that moment to add her opinion. "There's no sense in laying blame. He's calm for now and tomorrow's another day.

Once the stitches and bandages were done, Helen and Lisa got John into his white scrub pants and one of his many black t-shirts and said it was past time to head home. Dave thanked them profusely then pulled Julia to sit beside him on the edge of the bed. Turner picked up the last of the supplies and said, "I'll let the desk know they can call me if they have any more problems. But with the strong sedative I gave him, I don't imagine he'll be awake any time before morning. I'll also make sure they check on him every half hour."

Dave thanked the man then sat staring at his brother for a while. Julia sensed the guilt he was feeling and wished she could say something to make it better. She put her hands up and started rubbing Dave's back and shoulders trying to ease at least _some_ of the tension. Dave let out a huge sigh and Julia leaned her head against his arm.

"Instead of sitting here blaming yourself, why don't you think of some way to help John cope somehow."

Dave paused then turned around to face his fiancée, "You are brilliant, you know that."

Julia nodded and said smugly, "It's the reason you love me so much."

Dave's eyes took on a mischievous glint and he responded, "Well, it's _one _of the reasons." And he reached up to frame her face with his hands and he kissed her thoroughly.

"David Sheppard!" she exclaimed. "Right in front of your brother. You're getting positively daring these days."

"It must be my brother's influence," he claimed. "John's always been the adventurous one. But you gave me an idea, a few actually. I need to make a phone call. Do you mind sitting with John?" he asked as he pulled a card out of his wallet and flipped open his cell phone.

He started dialing, "I'm just going to do this in the hallway."

Julia nodded and Dave put the phone to his ear as he moved around the bed toward the door. As he walked out, Julia heard him say, "Colonel Carter, it's David Sheppard. I'm glad I got you. I have a favor to ask.

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xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox


	8. Chapter 8

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John could sense movement around him and knew he should open his eyes but there was something nagging in the back of his mind that warned him not to. He started taking an inventory; wiggle the toes, still can't move the useless legs, move the arms, wiggle the fingers. Ow! Yep, that's where the problem was. His hands and fingers hurt and something was wrapped around them.

He opened his eyes to see someone's back walking out the door. A nurse, probably, making her rounds. Light was just starting to stream in the windows and John looked up to check the time. It was 7:10! He was usually awake long before this. He'd been trying to do some exercises by himself each morning and get in the shower before breakfast showed up at 7:30. But for some strange reason he'd slept late this morning.

He lifted his right hand to rub his eyes and saw the stark white bandages wrapped around it. He lifted the other hand and noticed the same, only the bandages wound around his arm, halfway to the elbow. Memories of yesterday came rushing back as he stared at these. As his mind played back the details, he groaned.

"John, are you all right?" Dave asked as he rushed into the room and over to the bed.

"Dave," John groaned again and closed his eyes as his brother came to sit of the edge of the bed.

"Hey, how are you feeling this morning?"

John rolled his eyes and lifted his lip in a sneer. "Ridiculous, stupid, pathetic. Am I getting close?"

"No," Dave replied and shrugged, "You had a bad day, that's all."

John shook his head and continued, "Look Dave, I owe you an apology. Heck, I owe a lot of people apologies. I'm sorry I flipped out yesterday. And I'm really sorry you had to come all this way to deal with it."

"No, John," Dave insisted, "I'm the one who should apologize. I brought you to stay here so I could keep an eye on you and when you really needed me, I wasn't available."

John shook his head. "You're busy. I get that. And I also get that the people here probably weren't too impressed by my little performance yesterday."

"Maybe not," Dave agreed, "But they'll get over it."

"Yeah, maybe once I'm gone," John said. "Has anyone contacted the Air Force to come and get me, yet?"

"What are you talking about?" Dave inquired. "Why would the Air Force come get you?"

John looked confused. "They're not kicking me out for almost destroying the room? And I'm pretty sure I threw something at the head doc here and your friend, Stanton. And I'm thinking it was something heavy."

"I think it was a phone," Dave commented dryly. "But when you're the brother of one of the largest donors they have, they give you a bit of leeway."

"Nice," John grinned. "But seriously Dave, the VA hospital is perfectly fine, especially now that I can do a few things on my own. Don't feel like you have to keep me here. I know this place is pretty expensive."

"John," Dave reached down and touched his brother's arm, "I don't care about the money. I care about _you_. I want you to know that you, and Julia, are the most important people in my life. And if I don't tell you that enough, then I'm sorry."

John's eyes were troubled as he sat staring at his bandaged hands. Dave started to worry until John looked up and said, "Thanks, uh …same here."

It took a second then they both snorted with laughter. "We are _so_ pathetic!" John grinned.

Dave nodded and added, "Mmm, Dad sure did a number on us. I get nervous I won't tell Julia enough and she'll dump me."

"Tell her what?" John teased.

Dave just glared at his brother. "Oh, you're so funny. Like you should be talking."

John rolled his eyes and thought of all the missed opportunities with Teyla.

"Listen," Dave began, "I drove over here this morning because I wanted to make sure you could reach me if you need to, so I got this cell phone for you."

He pulled a phone out of his pocket and flipped it open to show John. "I've already programmed my cell number and Julia's into it. I've also programmed _my_ phone with a special ring when you call."

John's eyebrows rose as he guessed, "Wild Blue Yonder?" thinking of the official Air Force song.

Dave chuckled and answered, "No, but that's not a bad idea. Anyway, if I'm in a meeting, I'll put it on vibrate so I can still answer if it's you."

"Dave," John shook his head, "I don't expect you to put every little thing on hold for me."

Dave gazed seriously at his brother. "You called me yesterday, right before your … incident. If you had been able to talk to me about why you were upset, do you think you still would have flipped out?"

John seemed pensive for a few moments then replied, "Maybe, maybe not….Probably not. But don't…"

"Use it!" Dave interrupted and pointed to the cell phone." Doesn't matter how big or small a deal, promise me you'll call."

Dave noticed John almost appeared relieved as he promised, "Okay."

Dave looked deeply into his brother's face. "Now, Lisa said you were upset by an e-mail you got. Want to tell me about it?"

John closed his eyes, gave a huge sigh and opened them again. This time his eyes were deeply troubled so Dave leaned forward and conspired, "I can buy them off, whoever they are."

John chuckled but the humor didn't reach his eyes. "I don't think you can buy off the US Air Force."

"What happened?" Dave asked seriously.

John took another deep breath. "They sent a Marine Colonel, by the name of Armstrong, to Atlantis … to replace me."

"Temporarily though, right?" Dave clarified. "Just until you can return?"

John shrugged and his eyes roamed the room, looking everywhere but at his brother. Dave reached down and held John's bandaged hand. John's troubled gaze focused back on his brother.

"What if … what if I don't fully recover? What if these," he tilted his chin toward his legs, "won't actually work anymore?"

"The physical therapist hasn't actually said anything like that, has he?" Dave asked horrified.

"No," John denied. "I guess I'm just thinking of worst case scenarios. I've gotta admit the thought of never walking again really freaks me out."

Dave put his hand on John's shoulder and reminded him, "They said it could take almost a year to get you up to speed. You've got to give it some time." But now he understood better why John had gone off the deep end.

"I know," John accepted. "But mostly I'm just so damn frustrated by the inactivity. I usually take care of my frustration by going for a ten or fifteen mile run."

"And that's not possible right now," Dave finished for him.

"Or I'll spar and beat the crap out of a couple of Marines," John added.

"Not Teyla or Ronon?" Dave asked.

John's eyes rolled and he grinned, "_They_ usually beat the crap out of _me_."

"I'd think it would be distracting fighting with Teyla," Dave commented.

John's eyes widened. "And you haven't seen the outfit she spars in." John's eyes moved to the ceiling and almost glazed over. "Seeing her all hot and sweaty in that is _so_ worth getting my ass kicked." John's smile turned dreamy and Dave chuckled at the lovesick expression on his face.

The sound brought John back to the present and his eyes opened in horror. "You did _not_ just hear me say that!"

Dave just smiled a secret smile as John began chewing on his bottom lip. He slapped his brother on the knee and said, "Julia and I are planning on coming back tonight, so be a good boy until then and use that," he pointed to the phone lying in John's lap, "if you need me. Promise!"

"I will," John promised. "And thank you, again."

Dave walked to the door, turned around and said, "I'm leaving just in time for you to have breakfast." He walked out and a young nurse's aide walked in carrying a tray.

She looked a bit nervous and John told her, "Don't worry. I'm not throwing things today." Then he added, "At least, not yet."

She carefully placed the tray on the table, gave a nervous smile and almost ran from the room. John pulled the tray over and looked at his breakfast, a bowl of oatmeal, scrambled eggs and orange juice. He was getting damned tired of oatmeal.

He was just finishing the less-than-satisfying meal when Lisa and Helen poked their heads in the door. John grinned at them sheepishly, "I'm only psychotic the fourth Thursday of every month. Today's Friday, you're safe."

"I'm glad to see you're feeling better," Lisa commented happily. She came over and started her morning vitals check while Helen removed his breakfast tray and put it in the hallway. When she returned, she picked up his hands and checked the bandages asking, "How do they feel?"

"They're fine!" he insisted and put them back in his lap. "Listen …I …uh … owe you two a really big apology. I …usually… have a little more control than I did yesterday and things got a little … out of hand."

Lisa shook her head while Helen assured him, "You don't owe us anything. Everyone has a bad day every now and then."

"Yeah, Colonel," Lisa added, "You're the easiest patient we've ever had. Some of these people can be pretty demanding."

"I kind of made up for it yesterday, didn't I?" John asked. "I mean how many patients have you had trash an entire room and then throw things at everyone who walks in the door?"

Lisa and Helen exchanged looks and Helen replied, "Hmm, not that many. But we were thinking of putting a hit out on whoever sent you that e-mail that got your knickers in a twist."

"Never shoot the messenger," John advised. "Besides, he's the best XO I've ever had." He took a deep breath in and added, "And you can't put out a hit on the US Air Force."

Lisa and Helen looked at each other like they were thinking about it then both said, "Okay."

"I told Mary to forget OT today," Lisa informed him. "I figure your hands and fingers need some time to recover."

John looked at the bandages and frowned, "I don't … really remember …exactly what happened here. I remember a broken vase and water on the floor but most of it seemed like it was happening to someone else."

"That's called Disassociation, Colonel," supplied a voice from the hall. John looked up and saw a man walk in who was somewhat familiar but he wasn't sure why. But he could take a guess.

"I …threw something at you yesterday, didn't I? Probably yelled some obscenity, too?"

"Yes, Colonel," the man responded. "I was lucky enough to get the bedpan. Fortunately it was empty."

Helen patted John's shoulder and said, "I've got patients who actually need me so I'll check on you later," and she left.

John was still trying to place the man standing in front of him when he introduced himself. "I'm Dr. Carl Lambert. I'm the psychologist on staff here."

John shook his head. "I don't remember you or the bedpan but I do apologize for my actions yesterday. I don't _typically_ do things like that."

"It's okay, Colonel. Like I said you had a Dissassociative Disruption. It's when extreme stress or trauma causes a person to forget an event or remember it as if it happened to someone else."

John's eyes moved up and down and his head nodded from side to side as he confirmed, "Yeah, that sounds about right."

"Don't worry, Colonel. It's not that uncommon. I'm just here to see how you're doing today. They said your brother was able to calm you down. That's good. Both Dr. Turner and Mr. Stanton thought it might be a good idea if maybe you and I start up some regular sessions. Suddenly finding one's self paralyzed is a fairly traumatic event as well as how it will impact your future. Talking about the event that caused this sometimes helps."

"I appreciate the effort, Doc," John said. "But first, I'm not really very good at talking, especially about my …feelings. And second, you don't have a security clearance to hear anything I have to say."

"Ahhh! Top secret stuff, huh?" Lambert theorized.

"You could say that," John agreed.

"Okay, Colonel I spent over a year in Kuwait as ground support for the 1057th Airborne Division. I understand. We'll probably be talking again, though."

John watched him go and complained, "Just what I need, someone trying to dissect my brain."

"Actually, Colonel," Lisa began, "Dr. Lambert's a pretty easy guy to talk to. Most of the people around here like him."

John made no comment. He knew that if anyone ever saw what was in his mind, they'd lock him away for good.

"Let me give you a hand getting ready today," Lisa offered, "Both of yours aren't in optimal shape right now. And you may have gotten out of OT this morning but I think you threw a fork and knife at Josh yesterday, so you might be in for a challenging workout from him today,"

John gave another big sigh and groaned, "Oh, great!"

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xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo.

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"There, all set," Lisa said as she finished replacing the bandages on John's hands. She opened his dresser, pulled out a t-shirt and handed it to him.

"Don't you own anything other than black t-shirts?" she asked curiously.

John laughed. "It's part of the uniform on base. I don't really need anything else." John stripped the sweat soaked t-shirt he'd had on and replaced it with a fresh one. Lisa hadn't been kidding when she'd said he'd get a challenging workout from Josh.

"I really think Josh was trying to kill me today," John pointed out to Lisa as she put away the bandages and moved his bed table closer to him in preparation for lunch.

"I told you he would," Lisa laughed. "But seriously, Colonel, he told me he thinks you're just about ready to join Kristy's afternoon aquatics therapy.

John nodded then looked up as he heard, "Boy howdy, that is _not _an appetizing sight, Sheppard! No wonder you're so damn skinny!"

John's eye lit up as he saw Cam Mitchell walk into the room. He deposited a bag on the chair by the door and was carrying his lunch tray.

"There is no _way _you can eat this crap," he continued as he put the tray on the table and rolled the table away from the bed that John was sitting up in.

Lisa saw the Colonel's eyes light up and a huge smile cross his face as this man walked in the door. She didn't know who he was but was guessing that Colonel Sheppard liked this one a whole lot more than that Colonel Everett who'd come by a month ago.

"Mitchell!" John exclaimed. "What the hell are you doing here?"

The two men shook hands and Mitchell said, "I heard you went postal and were terrorizing the nurses and figured I'd come and put a stop to that."

John rolled his eyes, complaining, "So that means that Landry already knows about my little escapade yesterday. Great!"

"Nope, I don't think he does, yet." Cam said as he pushed John's legs out of the way and practically bounced onto the end of the bed. "Your brother called Carter to see if she could come cheer you up and she called me thinking I was the better man for the job."

"Oh, nice," John cracked sarcastically, "Just delegate the crappy jobs to someone else down the line."

"Actually Sam wanted to come but she was tied up in Washington, some data analysis thing."

At this comment, John doubled over snorting with laughter.

"Okay, Sheppard, you are definitely going to have to explain that reaction. But first,…" and he looked at Lisa.

John took the hint and said, "Mitchell, meet my angel of mercy, Lisa Harrison. Lisa let me introduce you to Colonel Cameron Mitchell, United States Air Force."

"It's a pleasure to meet someone as lovely as you," he said as he took Lisa's hand in both of his.

She returned the greeting and asked, "Friend of yours, Colonel?"

"Ooh, that's right," Cam jumped in, "You're a full bird Colonel now. Guess that means you don't have to salute me anymore."

John's shoulders shook and he chuckled incredulously, "Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. You know what a stickler I am for protocol."

His eyes darted back to Lisa and he explained, "Mitchell and I … well I guess you could say we play the same game for the same team …he just plays on a different field."

John looked over at Cam and added, "And the big brass actually _like_ Mitchell."

"I'm pretty sure _General O'Neill_ likes you," Cam assured him.

"Of course he does," John agreed. "I saved his ass at least twice. The first time got me my present gig. And the second time, well, let's just say pulling O'Neill's bacon out of the fire kept Landry from enjoying the court-martial he was planning."

Cam smiled and shrugged, "Landry's not a bad guy. I'm pretty sure he thinks you're …"

"A pain in the ass," Sheppard finished.

Cam laughed and looked thoughtful. "Okay, maybe I _have_ heard him use those words in reference to you. But seriously Sheppard, I know the guy respects what you do."

John's eyes were doubtful as he disagreed. "I may be paralyzed, Mitchell. I'm not brain dead."

Cam slapped the bed next to John's legs and declared boisterously, "That's why I'm here. Carter thought it made more sense for me to come since I've _been_ right where you are now."

John nodded and his eyes narrowed, "That's right; I do remember something about you spending some time in rehab. That's when you got _your_ Medal of Honor."

"Spinal damage from a 302 crash. Took about a year to get back on my feet again."

"Ouch!" Sheppard thought out loud. "So you know where I'm coming from."

"And where you're going to. And that's a field trip!" Cam announced. "Come on, Sheppard," he said as he moved the wheelchair closer to the bed, "Get your scrawny behind in this chair so we can get going."

John maneuvered himself to the edge of the bed and warned, "Don't watch. It's not the most graceful thing I've ever done."

He settled himself in the chair then winced at the sharp pain in his hands.

"What'd you do to those?" Cam asked.

"Had a little accident with a vase," John replied coyly.

Cam smirked knowingly. "A vase did that?"

"Well the broken shards of it did, after I smashed it on the floor."

John tilted his head toward Lisa. "Do I need Mom's signature on the permission slip?"

The humor in Lisa's eyes was apparent as she turned to Mitchell. "As long as you don't take him off the grounds, it's fine. But you're responsible for him. I'm on my lunch break."

"Enjoy it!" John called back as Cam rolled him toward the door and down the hall. He'd grabbed the bag he'd dropped earlier and handed it to John. John moved it closer to his face and said, "This smells suspiciously like food."

"That's cause it is," Cam replied as he backed John into the elevator. John gave a big smile and a wave to Helen and Gina, as they moved around the nurses' station, and then the doors closed.

"If you tell me this isn't mashed, minced or pureed," John looked hopeful, "I may have to marry you."

Cam hooted then replied, "How about we just eat it. The marriage thing might be a little hard to explain to my folks."

John snickered his agreement. Cam pushed him past all the benches and actually got down to the little pond John had seen from his window. Cam locked John's wheelchair, grabbed the bag from him and sat a few yards away on a grassy section under a tree.

"Now for the first part of the Cam Mitchell Therapy Session," Cam pronounced, "You want this food, you need to come get it."

"Oh, you are just plain ol' mean, you know that," John said disgusted but he ungracefully got himself out of the chair and onto the ground. While he decided if he was going to army crawl or skooch backwards, Cam took out what appeared to be a foot long sub. John's mouth watered when he saw that it was stuffed to capacity.

He kept moving toward his goal and only paused again when he heard the hiss of a can opening. His head whipped around and he saw Mitchell tipping a beer up to his mouth. He made record time in reaching him but collapsed on his back for a minute to regain the strength that he'd used to get there.

He finally managed to sit up and warn, "There better be something left for me, Mitchell, or I may have to kill you."

Cam grinned and pulled another huge sub out of the bag and handed it to John. John immediately saw a problem. He wasn't sure he'd be able to balance long enough to eat the sandwich.

Cam saw his dilemma and suggested, "If you cross your legs like this," he bent John's legs so they crossed, "you can keep your balance better. Just lean forward a little if you feel you're gonna fall."

John winced as muscles moved into positions they hadn't been in a while but he did find he could stay up without leaning on his hands.

He picked up the sub, unwrapped the end and took the biggest bite he could mange. It took almost a minute to chew and swallow but when he was done, he moaned in ecstasy. "Mitchell, there's no doubt, you are my hero!"

"I kind of figured," Cam grinned and handed John a can of beer. He cracked it open and downed almost half before he ran out of breath.

"You think it's bad to drink this with the meds they've got me on?" John asked.

Cam almost snorted beer out his nose at the question. "You're worried about that _now_?"

"Yeah, you're right," John said and he took another sip.

As John devoured the sandwich, Mitchell filled him in on the dealings of Stargate Command.

"So with Sam in D.C. and Walter on vacation," Cam finished up his story, "no one knew how the hell to operate the thing. I can tell you, Landry was pretty pissed."

John nodded as he rewrapped the unfinished half of his sandwich. He'd eaten so little in the past few months, he couldn't finish it all.

"I personally think Walter likes to have some things that only _he_ can do," Cam continued, "just so he's indispensible."

John smiled. "McKay does stuff like that. He tells everyone he's the only one brilliant enough to be able to do something and then he waits for us to beg him to do it."

Cam rolled his eyes and handed John another beer. "So is that when you pull out the lemon?"

"Sometimes," John agreed. "But lately Chuck, Amelia, Zalenka and I have been hacking into Rodney's files and making copies of some of the procedures that he's so possessive of. It drives him absolutely nuts when I tell him I figured out how to do something on my own."

"I can imagine it would," Cam said. "How do you put up with that man anyway? I think Jackson's fairly hard to understand at times but McKay, he pretty much boggles the mind."

"He grows on you," John admitted. "And I gotta say, he comes in handy at times. You just have to know how to handle him. I'm wondering how Rodney's dealing with this new guy they sent to replace me. Lorne's worked with Rodney a long time. He's picked up a few of my tricks. But this Colonel Armstrong … you know anything about him?"

"Met him a few times," Cam said. "Typical gung-ho, by the book Marine."

"That's what I'm afraid of," John said. "McKay can't stand that type. I'm not sure how cooperative he'll be."

John turned as he heard someone come up behind him.

"Hey," Lisa greeted, "It's just about time for your afternoon PT, Colonel. I'm sorry."

"No, no, no, no," Cam objected. "Sheppard's gonna do the Cam Mitchell brand of therapy today. See, I already got him to sit up by himself for an entire meal, and not with a chair back."

Lisa's eyes narrowed, "That is good actually. Are you really going to work with him?"

"Of course I am, darlin'. He'll get a better, more useful workout with me, I promise," Cam insisted.

"Okay," Lisa gave in. "I suppose I could tell Josh that you're getting a military check-up this afternoon."

"Thank you, Lisa. I owe you," John told her. "And while I'm owing you, could you possibly do me a favor?"

John asked her to put the rest of his sandwich in the fridge and smuggle it out to him at dinner time. She laughed, took the wrapped leftovers and said she expected to see some exercise.

Mitchell got down on all fours and instructed, "Twenty push-ups, Sheppard. And ten bucks says I can do them faster."

John rolled onto his stomach and put his hands on the ground. "_Twenty bucks_ says I can do _more_. Lisa, give us a start."

Lisa chuckled and said, "Ready … begin."

Cam and John both started pumping out push-ups at an extraordinary rate so Lisa just waved and walked back up to the building with the rest of John's lunch.

John kept cranking out push-ups but noticed Mitchell's eyes darting in the direction Lisa had left. "She gone yet?" John panted.

Cam's head perked up and he pushed out a few more repetitions before he stated, "She's inside."

Both men collapsed in unison and lay there breathing heavy for a few minutes.

"Pretty sure I did more than you," floated out from John whose face was still planted firmly in the grass.

Cam pushed himself up on his elbows and countered, "And I'm pretty sure I did 'em _faster _than you."

John rolled over onto his back and held his heavily bandaged hands up. "I've got thirty stitches in my hands and I'm paralyzed. You want to take my money, go ahead. I hope your conscience lets you sleep at night."

"You are _good_ at playing the guilt card, aren't you, Sheppard?"

John put his hands behind his head, closed his eyes and smirked, "Damn straight."

Over the next few hours the two pilots spent the time swapping war stories and comparing aircraft, each trying to outdo the other in the number of different types they'd flown.

"Well, I haven't gone solo yet, but I've co-piloted a Goa'uld Al'kesh with Teal'c. Have you managed that one yet, Sheppard?"

John shook his head, "Gotta give you that one, Mitchell, we don't get too many of those in Pegasus. But let's see," his eyes lit up with mischief, "I fly an Ancient Puddlejumper almost daily when I'm on Atlantis, the occasional Wraith dart and oh, yeah, there were those Ancient Warships we managed to obtain, however briefly. Oh, those puppies were sweet. They just read your mind and did what you wanted them to do, if you've got the right touch," he lifted his hand hinting at the gene you needed to use to fly them. "Then let's not forget that I've actually flown the city of Atlantis a few times." He gave a whistle and watched Cam's grin disappear.

"Okay, Sheppard, you win. I know when I'm beat," Cam admitted then pushed John on his back and grabbed his feet.

"Let's keep those sit-ups coming, Sheppard!" Cam ordered and flicked his eyes up the walkway.

John got the message, put his hands behind his head and started swinging his body up and back down, chanting, "twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven…"

"Four, five, six,…" Lisa contradicted as she sat down near the two men with a knowing smile on her face.

John stopped the sit-ups and claimed, "That was my third set, you just missed the first two."

"Mm hmm," Lisa mused. "Actually I came out here for a few reasons. First, Helen sends her thanks. They've had a few problems to deal with today and my being free gave them an extra set of hands. And second," she looked straight at Cam, "both Gina and Tammy want to know if your friend here is single and available?"

John laughed and Cam looked somewhat embarrassed. "Well, Mitchell, one's blonde and one's brunette, take your pick."

Cam cleared his throat and addressed Lisa, "If I didn't spend most of my time in Colorado Springs, I might be tempted. But as I need to head out shortly and I don't know when I'll be back this way again, I think I'll pass for now. But what? Sheppard's not good enough?"

"I'm a patient. It's like fraternizing with a subordinate."

Cam shook his head in understanding. Lisa stood back up and said, "I'm gonna go keep myself busy inside if you don't need me."

"Actually," Cam got up too. "I've got one more therapy for Sheppard to work those legs he's so worried about. Help me move him so his back's to that tree."

They both grabbed John under an arm and moved him. Cam sat down facing him and put his feet against John's. He then started moving closer so John's knees were bent a bit. "You have to push against my legs as hard as you can," Cam instructed.

John gave a crooked grin. "My brother and I used to play this game. We pushed until one of us fell off the bed. As Dave was always taller and heavier, I usually lost."

"But you never gave up, did you?" Cam surmised.

"Nope," John agreed. "But I also cheated a lot."

"Have fun boys!" Lisa called as she headed up the walkway toward the building.

At first, John thought this exercise would be pointless since he had so little control over his legs right now, but he was wrong. He was surprised to find he could push against Mitchell's legs, even if just slightly, and it gave him hope that maybe walking again wasn't out of reach.

They spent more time discussing their jobs and colleagues and Cam shared some of the thoughts _he'd_ had during his rehab. John always dreaded conversations that dealt with feelings and emotions. But he had to admit that hearing Mitchell talk about being scared to death he wouldn't walk again made John's fears okay. He even admitted that he was pretty freaked out by the whole ordeal.

"But I think the worst part," John sighed, "was being bathed and dressed and fed like a damned infant. You feel completely useless and it's so demoralizing."

"It sucks, that's for sure," Cam agreed. "But you're on your way, Sheppard. And you're such a tenacious bastard that I know you'll make it. Just so you can be a thorn in Landry's side again."

John chuckled but thought Landry and the IOA would be exactly who he'd have to prove himself to. He didn't look forward to that.

Cam launched into another story, this one about rescuing Vala from kidnappers and it had John almost rolling with laughter at the image of Vala, the former Goa'uld System Lord K'Tesh, in a little waitress outfit serving greasy burgers in a diner.

"So the rest of the team walks in and I'm lying there, my uninjured arm handcuffed to the bed, in just my skivvies. I've got the remote in my other hand and a pile of half eaten junk food piled next to me. Not my finest moment, I can tell you."

The picture in John's mind doubled him over laughing and he actually fell back on the ground, the chuckles still emanating from his mouth.

"You look like you're having fun," Dave Sheppard commented as he strolled up next to his brother. John attempted to quell his laughter but the three beers he'd had over the past few hours had muddled his thinking slightly and made him a tiny bit giddy.

"Hey, Dave," John greeted. "You're here early." He attempted to sit up and finally managed when Cam extended his hand and pulled him up.

John introduced the two men and said, "I should be pissed at you for calling Carter, but she sent Mitchell here and … I'm okay with that. So …thanks."

Dave was unsure what a good response would be so he simply said, "You're welcome."

"Hey listen, Sheppard, it's been a blast this afternoon, but I really gotta go. Duty calls and all that." He grabbed John's wheelchair and moved it closer.

Dave and Cam helped John get into it and Dave asked, "So you work for the Stargate program, too. Travelling to other planets?"

They gathered up the trash and started up toward the building. "Yeah, I'm not a big Military Commander of an off-world base like your brother here, but I get around." Cam quipped.

"When you save the galaxy a few times like Mitchell here," John said, "you earn a little clout. Don't let him make you think otherwise."

When they approached the building, Cam announced it was time to go. John shook his hand again. "I really appreciate your coming, Mitchell. It helped a lot. It really did."

"Whatever I can do. And here, call me anytime." He handed John a card with phone numbers on it.

Dave shook Cam's hand also then wheeled John inside. Once in the elevator, Dave said, "Carter told me this Mitchell guy would probably be more help to you. So you knew him already?"

"Yeah, we've worked together a few times. He's a good guy. But Carter sent _him_ because he spent a year in rehab learning how to walk again after spinal damage from a 302 crash."

Dave nodded in understanding but remained silent until they got to John's room.

"I brought you a little something I hoped might help you a bit." He moved toward the bed and picked up a laptop that was lying there.

"This is for you. It's got everything you need; a webcam and software to send and receive videos. And this," he pointed to a small device plugged into the side, "hooks you up to the Internet. I know the computer in the rec room's a little slow and not as well equipped.

John took the laptop and started scrolling through the menus. "Nice!" he commented, "Thanks Dave. You left work early to bring me this?"

"Sort of," Dave replied. "I wanted to give you this and make sure you were having a better day."

"Much better day," John assured him.

"Good! Julia's meeting me shortly and we're having dinner. We thought we'd visit after. But I wanted to make sure it was okay with you first."

John was floored that Dave had put someone other than himself first.

"I'd love to see Julia again," John informed him. "It's been a few weeks since I've seen her."

At Dave's nervous expression, John moaned. "Oh God! Tell me she wasn't here yesterday."

Dave just pasted on a big smile that brought John no comfort at all. "She's seen me delirious with fever and having a psychotic breakdown. What kind of show would she like tonight?"

Dave laughed. "I'm sure she'd be happy with just your company."

"Okay," John said. "But no guarantees."

Dave clapped John on the shoulder and said, "I'm gonna leave unless you need something."

John shook his head and turned his attention back to the computer in his lap. "I think I'm gonna use this to send a few messages to Atlantis. I'll see you in a bit."

Dave left and John spent the next hour cobbling together some videos and finishing his sandwich that Lisa smuggled back in for him. When he was done he decided to get on the bed. Even without the afternoon PT, he'd still worked hard today and his back was getting a little sore. And he hadn't had his afternoon massage today.

It felt good to relax on the mattress and he actually fell asleep for a short while until Dave and Julia showed up.

"He's already asleep," John heard subconsciously then another voice say, "It's only 6:30. He must have been tired. We'll come back tomorrow."

At the last comment, John finally got his eyes open and called out, "Dave, don't go. I'm awake.

Dave and Julia turned around and came back in. Julia moved to the bed and said, "Hi John, we didn't mean to wake you." She gave him a kiss on the cheek and sat on the end of the bed. Dave pulled a chair over and sat down also.

John rubbed his freshly rebandaged hands over his eyes and shook his head a bit. "No, no, it's okay. I knew you were coming. I usually take a nap after lunch," he rolled his eyes showing how ridiculous he thought it was that he needed one. "But with Mitchell here today, that didn't happen."

"If you're too tired, we can come back tomorrow," Dave offered.

"I'm fine Dave, really." John assured his brother. "If you'd let me sleep any later, I'd wake up at four. And there's really no one fun to play with at that time."

Julia smiled. "Dave told me you looked like you were having fun this afternoon. Someone you knew came to visit."

"Cam Mitchell," John answered. "We do … a lot of the same kind of stuff, only he works out of the command center here in the States and I'm at an outpost."

Julia's eyes looked hopeful. "Have you ever thought about seeing if _you_ could work back in the States? You've put in enough time, haven't you?"

"Yeah, I've paid my dues," John grinned. "I could probably write my ticket to any Air Force base in the country. But the thing is Julia, I like where I am. I think I'm making a difference and doing some good there. Or I was until…" John's face fell and his eyes moved to his motionless legs. John shrugged and added, "Now who knows."

"But you've been making such great progress," Julia encouraged.

"John's afraid he won't progress all the way to military standards," Dave interjected.

Julia reached over and took one of John's hands. "Well, Dave and I will do anything we can to help you, you know that don't you?"

John squeezed the hand holding his and said, Thanks."

"Speaking of us helping you," Dave brought up, "Julia and I have been talking and I spoke with Lisa earlier today, and we wanted to run something by you."

John perked up curiously, "Okay."

"You're at the point now where you don't need someone doing basic care for you. Lisa says you can shower, eat, dress and even get in and out of the chair by yourself," Dave stated and John just nodded so he continued, "So we were thinking you should stay back at the house with us and just come in during the day for your therapies."

Dave looked curiously at John to see what his reaction was. There wasn't much of one. John was wearing his Patrick Sheppard poker face. His eyes narrowed slightly and he checked, "You're serious about this?"

At Dave's nod, John asked further, "So how would I get here and back every day?"

Dave just smirked, "I think I can probably manage a car and driver to get you here and home again. I can even bring you myself if I don't have an important meeting at the time."

"You're really serious about this!" John repeated, amazement written all over his face.

"_We're_ serious about this," Julia clarified. "We thought you'd feel more comfortable in familiar surroundings and family near you every night."

"Would you rather stay here?" Dave questioned.

"God, no!" John declared. "I'd love to get out of here. I just don't want to be in your way."

"Come one, John," Dave chuckled, "You know the ranch is huge. I figured we'd put you in one of the rooms past the den. The ones Dad had fixed up for Mom when she uh … you know … at the end."

John nodded uncomfortably and Julia stepped in, seeing that both men remained quiet. "Both bedrooms and the bath are wheelchair accessible _and_ on the first floor. And that second bedroom can be used if we need to get you some assistance."

"I'll be fine on my own," confirmed John. "Are you living there now?"

Julia's eyes glittered with mischief. "We're not married yet, John. That wouldn't be proper now, would it?"

Dave's snort told the real story. "Only three quarters of her wardrobe is taking up space in my closet. But no, she's not living there."

"David Sheppard, don't you be fresh to me!" Julia warned her eyes still sparkling.

Dave's eyes took on a similar gleam and he confessed, "Never! You know how much I love you."

"Ooh, you _so_ got out of that one," John praised. "Used the L-word and everything _and_ in front of someone else."

"You will definitely be rewarded tonight," Julia promised.

John cringed. "And that's why maybe I _should _stay here."

"No!" both of them cried and Julia continued, "I promise I'll behave and you know your brother will. And we'll give you _real_ food_, solid_ food." Julia put on her best pair of pleading eyes and John relented.

"Okay. But just make sure if you two decide to run around the house naked or something, you'll give me a little notice so I can lock myself in my room."

"Oh, absolutely," Julia guaranteed and she patted John on the knee. Dave just shook his head and lowered it into his hands.

"He's a little puritanical," John advised.

"You're telling me," Julia conceded. "You'd think we committed a mortal sin when we did it on his desk at work."

Dave's head shot up and he squawked, "Julia!"

John roared at the sight of his brother's face and the oh-so-calm and serene one of his fiancée who was lifting her chin and daring Dave to actually get mad at her. Oh this woman was _so good_ for his staid and dignified older brother.

John was about to make a comment when a sharp pain spiked up his back. He sucked in a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut, willing the pain to recede quickly. When it didn't, he let a few shallow breaths out between his clenched teeth and held his breath one more time. He'd had this happen a few times since he'd been here and knew it could get really bad.

Julia was the first one to notice the pain on John's face even though he was doing his best to hide it.

"John! What's wrong?" Dave now noticed his brother holding himself very still with his fists clenched tightly at his sides. He stood up and leaned over John.

"John!" Dave cried again concern etched in every corner of his face. "What is it? Where's the pain?"

John got his eyes open but Dave could see they were tortured and his teeth were clenched so hard he wasn't sure he could get any words out.

A few more short breaths and the word, "back," whistled between his lips.

Julia grabbed one of John's hands and Dave grabbed the other. Both of them looked at each other in wonder at the strength John was using to squeeze their hands.

"Has this happened before?" Julia questioned.

John managed a quick nod of his head and tried several times before the word, "spasms" found its way to the surface.

Dave was panicked and declared, "I'm going to find someone to help him," and he sprinted out of the room.

Julia kept holding his hand firmly and encouraging, "You're going to be fine. David went to find someone to assist you. We're here for you. Don't worry."

It took a few minutes but Dave finally came back in with a nurse in tow. She moved swiftly to the bed, did a quick examination as she asked him a few questions. She looked at Dave and instructed, "I need a cup with water and a straw. No, you can stay right there," she told Julia as she started to move out of the way.

"Colonel, I need you to take some medication. It'll help ease the muscle spasms and the pain." She pulled two blister packs from her pocket as Dave brought the water over. She got the pills in John's mouth along with the straw then started taking his vital signs.

Dave stood at the foot of the bed watching his brother try valiantly to mask his pain. "Do you know what's happening to him and what did you give him?"

The nurse started recording data in his chart and responded, "The Colonel occasionally gets muscle spasms in his back. It's just a byproduct of the trauma he sustained. We have standing orders to administer Carisoprodol, which is a muscle relaxant and Vicodin for the pain. He should start feeling some relief soon. If it doesn't seem to be getting any better in the next fifteen or twenty minutes, come get me again, okay."

"Absolutely," Dave agreed. "Thank you for the quick response."

Julia reached for Dave's hand with her right while still holding John's in her left. She kept up a running banter of encouragement and support while John stoically tried to say he was fine in between holding his breath and gritting his teeth.

After about ten minutes, John's breathing became more regular and his face slightly more relaxed. As Dave started to relax a bit himself, he touched Julia's shoulder and said, "John wondered what he could plan for you tonight. He'd already given you the delirious fever and the psychotic episode. How do you think this one rates?"

Julia slapped playfully at Dave's hand and addressed John, "How about we get you more comfortable. You look like you might nod off soon."

She started pulling off his shoes and socks while Dave got the sheets out from under him. When he was settled under them and his eyes kept fluttering, Dave asked, "Are you feeling any better?"

"Yeah," John said, "Much." But Dave could still see John flinch every now and then.

"Listen, John," Dave got his attention, "I was thinking we could move you to the house on Sunday. That would give me tomorrow to make sure we're all ready for you there. Would that be okay with you?"

John nodded, "I'd really like that, Dave, thanks. And you, too, Julia. I appreciate it. I'll be ready."

Dave clapped John on the shoulder a few times. "We'll let you sleep now. See you on Sunday."

Julia leaned down and kissed his cheek. As she did she whispered in his ear, "The other shows were better. We didn't get to take your shirt off for this one." And she gave him a saucy wink. John barely had the energy to laugh but he did have a big smile on his face as they left his room.

.

.

xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo

.

Maybe I can make lunch to bring with me," John wondered out loud as he pushed at the half eaten meal and moved the table away from the bed. He leaned his head back against the pillows and was about to recline the top of the bed, when a voice broke the silence.

"I'm not disturbing you, am I, Colonel?"

John opened his eyes to see Dr. Lambert, not only coming through the door but closing it as well. "Nothing to worry about, Colonel, just thought you'd like some privacy while we chat."

Before John could say that they had nothing to chat about, Lambert held up a piece of paper. "I got this hand delivered today after I received a phone call at home. You see I don't usually work Saturdays."

John's eyes narrowed as he asked, "And that is?"

Lambert put the letter on the bed next to John and said, "That's the official authorization saying I now have Security Clearance to talk to you. Of course I had to sign a mile high stack of non-disclosure agreements to get it. And that was after I got a personal phone call from an Air Force General named …" and as he searched his memory for the name John said a quick prayer that it would be O'Neill.

"Landry, yes that was it. Hank Landry." At John's grimace, Lambert said, "I take it you know him?"

"Yeah," John acknowledged, "But I still don't have anything to say to you."

"I've heard that you're a very private person, Colonel, and I respect that. But General Landry and a few other military personnel seemed to think you would benefit from some counseling, especially after the incident on Thursday."

"Great!" John muttered, "so I can be discharged with a Section 8."

"No one thinks you're crazy, Colonel," he admonished. "But you've been through, and are still going through, a very traumatic event. And you military types are used to dealing with your stress and frustration by using physical outlets. Well, you have limitations on that right now and that in itself, I'm sure, is causing more stress."

"That obvious, huh?" John said.

Lambert chuckled. "I told you I'd _been_ in the military for a while, back in '91. I got to know the military mind pretty well. But I'm just here to give you that outlet you need. I know you're not happy about talking to me, but you might find it helps."

"Right," John seemed unconvinced. "I spill my guts and you type it up all neatly and send it off to Landry. Very reassuring."

"Actually, Colonel, you can spill all you want but General Landry doesn't hear about any of it," Lambert contradicted. "My oath says I can't tell another soul what you've said to me. Everything is completely confidential. And remember, I don't work for the military."

John looked confused for a moment. "Then why did they give you clearance to talk to me?"

"Apparently they thought of sending someone else over but they didn't have anyone close by who could work with you for any length of time. With my military record, I was the next best thing."

John's eyes were still wary so Lambert continued, "Landry said if you still didn't cooperate, I could pull out the big guns."

"Let me guess," John gave a half hearted grin. "Landry's making it a direct order."

Lambert chuckled, "He thought it might come to that with you."

"Did he also tell you I have a history of disobeying direct orders?" John took in a deep breath. "Everything's confidential, huh?" he clarified. "So, if I tell you Landry's a tight ass, I'm not gonna get court martialed?"

"No, Colonel. But I think you misjudge this General Landry a bit. He insisted that you were vital to the success of their basic mission and he needed you back healthy, both physically and mentally."

"Really?" John still appeared dubious but replied, "Fine, what do you want to talk about?"

Lambert pulled a chair closer to the bed and said, "Well, like I told you Colonel, I don't usually work on Saturdays but since I'm here now anyway, why don't we spend a little time getting to know each other. We can figure out how often we want to meet and when a bit later."

"Well, you know I'm busting out of here tomorrow, right?"

At Lambert's raised eyebrows, John explained, "I'm going to be staying at my brother's and just coming here during the day for my therapies."

"Ahh, and how do you feel about that?" Lambert questioned.

John just chuckled, "Oh, yeah, we're not going there, yet. But I will say it will be nice to have a bit more privacy, no nurses walking in to check on you every half hour. And the _real_ food I'll get to eat is a big plus."

Lambert snickered and his eyes moved around the room trying to find something the Colonel _would _talk about. His eyes rested on the pictures. "So tell me about the people in those."

John picked up the first one and proudly said, "This is my team." He pointed out each person. "Rodney, Ronon, me," he smirked, "and this is Teyla."

Lambert just smiled and nodded, "You care for them a great deal."

"They're my _team_," John emphasized, like that was explanation enough.

"How long have you been together?"

"Six years."

Lambert's eyes got wider. "You've all been together for six years? That's a heck of a long time."

"Well, Ronon's only been with us for five," John clarified. "We lost someone the first year, and _no_, I don't want to talk about him."

"Okay, why don't you tell me about the other picture."

John picked up the other picture and a tiny smile automatically appeared on his face. "This is T.J., he's Teyla's son."

Lambert was surprised, "He's not _your_ son?"

John paused for a second, then monotoned, "No."

But Lambert had seen enough. The Colonel had tried to keep his face impassive but there had been emotion in his eyes and Lambert recognized it as regret. But he figured the Colonel would clam up if he pushed the issue so he went in another direction.

"T.J. What do the initials stand for?"

Sheppard was still staring at the picture as he responded, "Torren John."

"Torren, is that his father's name?"

John shook his head, "It was Teyla's father."

"And is the John, after you?"

Lambert noticed Sheppard's face and eyes soften at this question and one side of his lip lifted slightly. "Yeah."

"You know," Lambert said, "There are some people here who have the impression that he _is_ your son."

John made a face and rolled his eyes as he defended, "I never actually told anyone that. But when I was first here, I couldn't really say a whole lot, so …"

"So people made assumptions and it was too difficult to try and communicate otherwise," Lambert finished for him.

John shrugged and said, "It's not like anyone here is ever gonna meet him."

"But he means enough to you to be upset that you missed his birthday Thursday," Lambert surmised.

John looked up from the picture and explained, "He's only two. He doesn't understand why I'm not there."

"I'm sure that's very frustrating for you. And not being able to see his mother, she means as much to you as the boy," Lambert guessed.

John gave a nod, "She's a member of my team."

"I understand that, Colonel. And I know your team means the world to you. But my guess is that Teyla means a little more than that."

Before John could attempt a denial Lambert informed him, "When you were introducing your male teammates to me, you said their names in a good, solid voice with warmth and caring. But when you said Teyla's name, both times, her name came out softer, almost like a caress. I'm sure you're completely unaware of doing it."

Lambert figured Sheppard would attempt another denial but instead the pilot was looking at him like he'd performed voodoo magic.

So he chuckled, "No, Colonel, I can't read your mind but I can read your body language and interpret your facial expressions and notice other minute details that give me insight into what you're thinking and feeling. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul. Your eyes, Colonel, are like huge picture windows, very easy to see into."

"Great!" John muttered. "I'll just have to remember to keep the blinds drawn when you're around."

Lambert chuckled again. This Sheppard was an extremely interesting man. He was looking forward to delving deeper into what made him tick. For now, he'd just try for a little more basic information.

"You know, Colonel, travel around the world these days isn't so difficult. It's not inconceivable that arrangements could be made for your friends to visit."

A sparkle came into John's eyes at that comment and he thought, _now's where the fun, and that Security Clearance, begins._

"You're right. If they were on _this_ world," John said cryptically. "But you never asked me where I've been stationed. You see, Doc, for the last six years, I haven't been on this _world_. Heck, I haven't even been in this _galaxy._"

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox

.

As the Volvo wagon pulled up the long driveway, John had a twinge of dread. He had to remind himself that things were different now. This wasn't him, coming home to a first class lecture from his father on how he'd let him down with his total disregard for responsibility and authority. His father was no longer here.

And that brought the twinge of regret. Regret that they had never resolved their battles. Regret that he'd been a huge disappointment to the man. Regret that his father had died not knowing that John had actually done some good in his life, that he _had_ changed. Maybe not into what his father wanted him to be but certainly into much more than he'd ever thought he was.

He transferred himself into the wheelchair Dave had pulled out of the back and started rolling toward the door. He still wasn't sure if this was the right decision. This house held lots of memories for him and the most recent ones were not that great.

But he knew if he dug back far enough in his mind, he'd find some great ones. Like when his Mom had still been alive. She'd made everything great.

He paused in front of the door while Dave and Julia got his bag and took one last deep breath in. The door suddenly opened and a voice rang out, "Are you coming in or staying out? Make a decision."

John couldn't believe his ears or his eyes as he looked through the door. "Josie!" he cried, "Holy Crap! I didn't know you were still here."

The woman took a few steps out the door and shook her head. "And your language hasn't improved any in twenty years, young man!"

John reached up and put his arms around the woman who had helped raise him once his Mom had died. _God, she must be close to seventy by now_ he thought then laughed, "Josie, I haven't been a _young_ man in close to twenty years."

Josephine Stearns had come to work for the Sheppard family shortly after their mother had died. She'd taken care of the house, laundry, shopping, dinner and to a certain degree, the boys. John had been fourteen at the time and didn't think he needed a babysitter anymore. But Josephine, or Josie as he'd liked to call her, had been more than that.

She'd been his shoulder when he missed his Mom too much. She'd been his sounding board when his father had been too controlling. And she'd been a silent supporter of his desire to join the Air Force. She'd been the only one to encourage that dream and she'd been the one to help him with his application and letters of recommendation for the Air Force Academy. She'd been the only one who celebrated with him when he'd gotten his acceptance letter. But they'd never let his father know how much she'd done. She had desperately needed the job and Patrick Sheppard would not have been happy.

"I can't believe you're still here. You look great!" John said.

"And you need a haircut and a shave," she scolded back but with the twinkle in her eyes that he knew meant she wasn't all that serious.

Julia and Josephine helped get him over the threshold and Dave dropped the bag on the floor behind him.

"Why didn't you tell me Josie was still here?" John addressed Dave.

But Josephine answered, "I've only been coming one or two days a week lately. I haven't needed to come much more. David here, is almost never home to make much of a mess. But with you coming I figured I'd be needed a bit more. You were never one to be neat and tidy."

"You'd be surprised what twenty years in the military can do," John laughed.

At Josie's doubtful glance, Dave confirmed, "I stayed in his quarters when I went to get him on base. They were spotless."

Julia took this time to interrupt. "Why don't we get John settled into his room and we can all catch up at dinner. You are staying for dinner, aren't you, Josephine?'

"Well, you know I don't normally, but …" and the pleading look in John's eyes made her decision, "I guess I have a little catching up to do."

Josie excused herself to check on dinner and Julia and Dave moved John down another hall past the office and the den and came to the few rooms at the end.

"I put you in this one," Dave said as he walked into the room on the left and deposited the bag near the dresser. "It's a bit bigger and has a view of the pool and stables. I hope that's all right."

John looked around the room and noted the differences since he'd been in here last. Painted walls, new carpet, different furniture, but it was still the room his Mom had died in.

The intense emotions flooded over him for a minute but then he noticed something sitting in the middle of the bed that helped him gain control. John started chuckling uncontrollably and finally put his head in his hands and took a deep breath.

"Where in the world did you find that?" he said as he stared at the once-white stuffed bunny that was lying against a pillow.

"It was in a box in the attic," Dave informed him as he picked up the toy and handed it to John.

"I thought he was nuts putting that here," Julia commented, "But he said you'd appreciate it."

John stared at the stuffed animal in his hands nostalgically and nodded. "We talked about this last year when we met in San Francisco. I didn't think we actually still had it."

"Julia and I have been going through a bunch of stuff stored in the attic, trying to clear some room for her …stuff." Dave caught himself from saying the word 'junk' because he knew he'd end up paying for that one.

"You might want to go through some of it," Dave suggested. "It's amazing what Mom saved. I'd forgotten about half of the stuff in there. But when I saw Foo Foo, I knew I had to show you."

Julia's eyebrows rose as John groaned and closed his eyes. "Foo Foo? Your big, strong military brother had a stuffed rabbit named Foo Foo?"

John looked up with a pained expression on his face and defended, "It was Little Bunny Foo-Foo. You know, hopping through the forest, scooping up the field mice and bopping them on the head. You know, _the song_."

Julia shook her head laughing and moved to start putting John's things away in the dresser. John rolled over to the sliding glass door, opened it and practiced rolling back and forth onto the patio. Easy enough.

"Mom used to like sitting out there when she could. I think that's why Dad had that door installed," Dave shared with Julia.

Julia held up the two pictures John had gotten from Teyla and asked, "Where?"

"Next to the bed." There was no hesitation in his answer.

Josie appeared in the doorway and announced the food was ready.

Once settled at the kitchen table, Josie insisted they say grace then they all dug in. When everyone had taken a few bites, Josie put down her fork and said to John," I'm real sorry about what happened to you, honey. It's a terrible thing."

"But there's no reason to think that he won't have a complete recovery," Dave jumped in.

John flashed a smile at his brother, appreciating the support. Dave knew what some of his fears were and was trying to allay them. John pierced a meatball with his fork and claimed, "Now that I'm getting real food, I might have the strength to work harder."

"Just don't overdo it, John," Dave warned seriously. "Your therapists say you've been pushing yourself fairly hard since you've been here."

"I know," John admitted. "But sitting around isn't my style. I like to be where the action is."

"And where exactly has that action been?" Josie inquired. "The last we heard you were in Antarctica, six years ago. And then, nothing. You know sometimes your father used to listen to the news with a map in front of him. He'd hear about the fighting in some place or an incident in another and he'd check the map to see exactly where it was. It used to drive him crazy that he didn't even know where you were."

John's jaw tensed and his eyes stared intensely at his plate. "Yet he never made one attempt to contact me to find out," he accused.

"Your father was an extremely proud man," Josie admitted. "Often too proud, I thought."

The room grew silent as everyone suddenly focused on putting food in their mouth. Julia felt more than a little uncomfortable. She'd only met Patrick Sheppard a few times before he died and she hadn't started seeing David until after. She'd seen though, that he could be a tough character and she imagined he'd been more than a little tough on his sons.

She'd worked long and hard, heck she was still working long and hard, to get David to loosen up a bit. And she was making some gains but where David was uptight, John seemed so laid back. Except now, of course, where she could feel the pain of dejection pouring off him.

She didn't know the whole story behind the rift, just the book jacket summary that David had given her. John had joined the Air Force against his father's wishes and the rift had started. But when his required eight years were up and he'd _stayed _in the Air Force, instead of joining the company, the rift had split wide open. And David had been stuck right in the middle.

David didn't talk too much about his feelings, apparently a Sheppard trait, but he'd vocalized enough at different times to her to get a feel for his emotions.

She knew he'd been worried at the time of the funeral that John would show up demanding a good portion of the inheritance. And this she had only known because he had sought her advice as a lawyer on what he could do about it, if it happened.

But within weeks his opinion had changed and he'd become almost fixated on his brother's well-being. And then ten months ago, after a visit with John in San Francisco, David had actually started loosening up without her express effort. And when David talked about John after that, it was always in a softer more caring way.

The transformation of John, in her mind, from money grubbing opportunist to cherished brother had her eager to meet him. And now that she had, she was still bewildered. The picture that Dave painted of the action adventure hero was very different from the fevered, almost emotional and physical wreck she'd seen a few times.

She knew it wasn't fair to make judgments while John was in a weakened state and she was very much looking forward to seeing him grow stronger and become himself again. And she was glad she could be here while the relationship between the brothers, hopefully, grew strong again.

The silence had stretched on long enough so she decided to break it. "So, John, what _can _you tell us about where you've been stationed? David wouldn't tell me anything more than it was utterly amazing. I'm guessing it's not a tent in the middle of the desert."

Dave and John looked at each other and Dave prompted, "Might as well tell them now. They'll be ticked if that news special comes out and they didn't know."

John shrugged and said, "Mitchell told me the military has that tied up with about a hundred miles of red tape." John smirked, "It could be another month or more before they fight their way through it. But you're right, we should tell them …even though they'll never believe us. And you can't tell anyone, at least not yet." This last comment was aimed at the two women.

Julia rolled her eyes and quipped, "What…have you been stationed on the moon?"

"I told you she was a smart cookie," Dave confirmed and John grinned.

Julia's eyes grew wide in disbelief and she said, "You haven't been stationed on the moon, … have you?"

"No," John quickly denied then added, "not _our_ moon anyway."

He and Dave both chuckled and Josie scolded, "Boys, stop teasing the poor girl and just tell us where you've been."

"Okay," John began, "for the past six years, I've been stationed in …Atlantis."

"Atlantis?" both women repeated and Julia stated, "I don't know what that's code for."

"It's not a code," John claimed. "I've been stationed in the city of Atlantis."

"Right," Julia refuted sounding almost like Dave. "The city of Atlantis, mythical city of ancient times, filled with advanced technology, sitting in the middle of the ocean. Only problem with that is, Atlantis sunk into the ocean over 10,000 years ago."

"Yeah," John agreed, "and luckily it had a force field holding the ocean back so the city was intact when we got there." John's eyes lit up, "I gotta tell you it was pretty cool looking out the windows and seeing the whole place under water. It was kind of freaky, too, especially once the force field started to fail. Too many of us there overtaxed the power grid. I'm not gonna tell you I wasn't scared when it looked like the shield was failing completely and we were all about to drown. But those Ancients knew what they were doing and built a fail-safe so when the shields failed, the city just popped to the surface like a cork."

Josie and Julia were staring at John like he had three heads.

"You and those stories you make up, John Sheppard," reprimanded Josie.

John's mouth opened and closed again for a second then he sputtered, "I couldn't make up anything that good, believe me."

Julia looked at Dave who confirmed, "Atlantis, the most amazing place you've ever seen with technology you can't even imagine."

Julia still looked skeptical as she interrogated, "And it's just floating in what, the middle of the Atlantic Ocean?"

Dave and John just looked at each other again and John took a deep breath before he continued, "Atlantis isn't on Earth, at least not anymore. It's in another galaxy, the Pegasus Galaxy."

Julia looked at John, not sure how far he would take a joke. But she could tell David was deadly serious and he had been completely stunned when he'd returned from getting John. He'd said he couldn't talk about it at that point but that the scope of it would completely blow her mind.

Well, her mind was completely blown, _if _John was telling the truth. She still didn't know him well enough to figure that out. But now another question nagged at her.

"You went to get John and were back within a week. How'd you get there, a space ship, with hyper drive?"

"No, even in hyperspace a ship would take you at least three weeks, one way," John disclosed. "So we mostly take the direct route through the Stargate."

"The Stargate?" Julia parroted as her eyes darted back and forth between David and his brother.

"This thing is extraordinary!" Dave enthused. "You've got to see it. It's this huge ring that forms a wormhole and brings you to another planet."

"Another _Stargate_, actually," John corrected. "Some of the Stargates in Pegasus are space gates and are only accessible if you're in a ship small enough to go through them. You don't want to make the mistake of walking through a gate if the other end is a space gate."

Julia was still looking completely befuddled so John gave her a quick history and technical lesson on the Stargates and how they found Atlantis. Her eyes kept getting larger until John thought they might pop right out of her head. He figured he might need to tone it down until she could digest everything he'd already fed her.

But all of a sudden, her head whipped toward John and she gasped, "Teyla? David said your friend, Teyla, was local to where you were stationed. Does that mean she's … an alien?"

John shook his head. "Teyla's as human as you and me, mostly. She's just from another planet."

Dave got a strange look on his face and admitted, "I never even thought of that. I've actually met someone from another planet."

"A few actually," John corrected. "You met Ronon a few years ago. He's from a planet called Sateda. And then T.J.'s also Athosian."

At Julia's confused look he clarified, "Teyla's from the planet Athos, she's Athosian, although T.J.'s never actually been on the planet Athos since it was pretty much decimated before he was born. Teyla's people are now on another planet they've named New Athos."

Josie was just sitting there, taking it all in. John knew her well enough to know she had a very open mind and was more willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. But she'd probably require some proof at some point.

Julia was still wearing a look of disbelief although you could see the wheels in her mind still turning.

"I thought they were nuts, too," Dave remarked, "until they turned it on and this shimmering pool appeared inside this ring."

John chuckled, "You _dial_ the gate, like a telephone number. Each gate has its own unique address. And the blue _poo_l is the event horizon of the wormhole."

The intellectual part of Julia's mind kicked in and she started asking more technical questions. John could only give her the 'Physics for Dummies' version but he managed to fill her in on Milky Way gates versus Pegasus gates and how the Earth and Atlantis gates were the only ones with control crystals to reach each other.

He told her about the Midway Station and the X303's like the Daedelus and the Apollo. He steered away from any mention of the Wraith, Goa'uld, Replicators or Ori. He figured she had enough information to deal with right now.

"I don't get it. Where did all this technology come from?" Julia asked.

"This is pretty cool, too," Dave bobbed his head so John would continue.

"Atlantis and all the Stargates were created by a race of people we call the Ancients. The Ancients had Atlantis on Earth at one point a very long time ago but because of some plague here they took it with them to the Pegasus Galaxy to start the evolutionary process there. But about 10,000 years ago, they were fighting a never ending battle with an enemy and decided to leave. They came back to Earth through the Stargate and sunk the city into the ocean, hoping some day they could go back there."

"But they never did?" Julia asked.

"Not exactly," John answered. "You see the Ancients created their technology so their enemies could never use it. It only worked if it was activated and run by someone with an Ancient gene."

"So how did your people get this stuff working?"

"Well," John explained, "like I said, the Ancients came back and lived on Earth so there are some people now, although it's extremely rare, who actually carry this Ancient gene. Some have it stronger than others and some can control it better than others."

"What do you mean control it?" Julia questioned.

"Much of the Ancient tech works on thought patterns. Kind of like it reads your mind and does what you want it to do. So the stronger the gene, the better you can control the technology. The expedition specifically recruited some people just because they carried this gene."

"You aren't telling her the best part," encouraged Dave.

John dropped his head and let out a huge sigh. When he lifted his head, he rolled his eyes and sneered, "What, that I'm a human light switch?"

It took Julia a second to get the implication but when she did, she gasped, "You have the gene? You're descended from these Ancients?"

Dave gloated, "Dr. McKay says John's got the strongest gene of anyone they've ever tested. He can get a whole room up and running just by walking in."

Julia looked at John, amazed.

He gave her a crooked grin and repeated, "Human light switch."

"Come on, John," Dave probed, "You have to admit it's pretty cool that you've got this thing."

John stared straight at Dave and said, "You do realize chances are that you have the gene, too. I'm kind of surprised McKay didn't test that out while you were on Atlantis. Unless he did," John thought out loud. "Did he have you touch anything while you were there?"

Dave shrugged, "He didn't hand me anything and ask if I could turn it on but he did give me a tour of his lab where he had a bunch of stuff lying on a table."

"Smooth and subtle, Rodney," John chuckled. "So did anything turn on when you walked by?"

"I don't really, wait…" Dave snapped. "There was a small device that McKay said was yours. I picked it up and there were a few dots on the front. I thought it was just a video game so I told him I'd bring it back to your room. McKay was a little hesitant but then let me take it. I actually brought it back," his thumb pointed in the direction of John's room. "It's in with the other electronic devices."

Julia popped out of her seat, zoomed down the hall and was back within a minute dropping a handful of stuff in front of John.

He just laughed and picked up each piece and moved it aside. "That's an iPod, that's a Play Station, the communication device McKay hooked up, but this …" he picked up a rectangular device, "this is a Life Signs Detector."

He put it in the middle of the table. "Go ahead, Julia. Pick it up and think 'on'."

Julia did but frowned when nothing happened. She handed it to Josie who also had no luck.

"Your turn, big brother. The moment of truth."

Dave reached for it and a blip sounded the second his skin made contact. Dave's eyes grew wide with excitement as he stared at the three dots on the screen.

"Welcome to the club!" John snickered.

Dave held the device out so everyone could see it. "What does this mean, though?" he asked.

John swallowed the bite he'd been chewing and pointed, "These dots are us, right here in this room."

"But I can _see _that we're here, so what good is it?" Dave inquired.

John smiled, "Think about the whole house now." and Dave saw the display change and the dots got smaller. "Now think about the ranch and the property."

Dave's eyes lit up when he saw what looked like a map of the estate with other dots scattered around. John's finger moved over the screen. "See, us in the house, half a dozen horses in the stables and you've got two people in the office in the barn.

Dave replied, "Wow! That's Carlos, he's working today. I don't know who's with him, maybe his son, he sometimes brings him to help."

"I can't believe McKay let you leave Atlantis with this," John observed. "And this is the one he's been adapting to differentiate between humans and other life signs. See the horses are a lighter shade than Carlos or us."

Dave gulped, "I …um … don't think he knew I took it. He told me I could just leave it in your room. I'm sorry, John, I didn't realize."

"Don't even worry about it. Atlantis has plenty of these. McKay will just have to find another one to experiment on."

John was getting tired of the conversation so he grabbed another helping and let Dave talk about all the stuff he'd seen while he was there. The conversation finally wound down and the table was cleared. Josie quickly tidied the kitchen and said goodbye. She told John she'd see him tomorrow.

John rolled out onto the patio and sat enjoying the afternoon sunshine for a while until Julia came out to say goodbye.

"I _so_ want to get more information about Atlantis and this other galaxy you've been living in but you look tired and I've got a real early meeting tomorrow morning. But I'll be here for supper. Now," her voice lowered conspiratorially, "David's a little nervous about being here with you by himself."

John looked confused, "I'm not gonna bite him."

"I know, but my apartment's almost forty minutes from here and there's no doctor or nurse on duty. So promise me, no fevers, breakdowns or back spasms tonight."

John grinned, "Julia, you're the only one I'll put on a show for."

"You make me feel so special, John. Thank you!" She kissed him on the cheek and gave one last warning, "Be a good boy!"

"Yes, Mom!" John quipped but realized Julia did have many of the same qualities their mother'd had. Beauty, poise, sophistication but intermingled with a touch of mischief and a little cheek, all topped off with a tender and loving heart. No wonder Dave was so crazy about her.

A few minutes later Dave came out and stood by John, his hands in his pockets staring at the horses that Carlos had let out for some exercises.

"You've got an amazing woman there, Dave, you know." John broke the silence.

Dave just nodded, "I know."

A few more minutes went by before John spoke again. "Make sure you do whatever you need to in order to keep her. You'll regret it if you don't."

"You thinking of Nancy?"

John, like Dave, continued to stare at the horses. "I loved Nancy, I did," John insisted. "But she wanted someone who'd …. show up for dinner every night. That's … not who I am. And I can't change into something I'm not."

"So is _your_ regret for losing Teyla?" Dave challenged.

John sighed, "I never _lost_ Teyla because I never _had_ Teyla," John said. "And thinking back now there were so many opportunities that I just ignored."

"So you and she never … actually …" Dave paused searching for the right word but John just bluntly answered, "No."

Dave's heart was heavy when he thought of what John was missing. But he knew his brother was too good a man to come between two other people. That didn't stop him from wishing that something would change.

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"Do you know what's so important that Rodney wants us all down in the rec room _right now_?" Jennifer said to Teyla as they walked down the hall. "It better not be another one of his dopey movies. I finally have a night off and I was planning on curling up with a good book."

"My guess would be a video message from John," Teyla replied. "I also received one today."

Jennifer stopped and looked at Teyla. "You did? How is he? What did he say? I don't think anyone's heard anything about his condition since he left."

Teyla looked concerned. "The SGC has not sent you any updates regarding his condition?"

"No!" Jennifer grumbled. "I would have told you if they did. He's been officially removed from the Atlantis roster so he no longer falls under my medical care."

"I have made inquiries to Mr. Woolsey quite often for updates on John's condition. The only information he will divulge is that Colonel Sheppard is making _good progress_," Teyla shared. "This lack of any details has been most unsatisfying."

"So, the video?" Jennifer prodded.

A huge smile spread across Teyla's face. "His speech has greatly improved. There is only the occasional pause between words."

Jennifer shrugged, "And he usually talks like that anyway."

Teyla chuckled, "True. It _was_ wonderful to hear his voice and see his face again. Although he has lost much weight and appears far too thin. He complained that they were not feeding him anything that he could chew."

Jennifer nodded in understanding. "I'm sure he'll put on some weight once he can eat regular food again. So what else did he say? How much progress has he made? Did he give you any details?"

Teyla's eyes clouded with sorrow. "It was difficult to watch. He made an attempt to be cheerful but I could see he was filled with a great sadness. He apologized extensively for not being here for Torren's birthday and hoped Torren liked the tricycle he left." Teyla appeared thoughtful. "He did appear able to move his arms and fingers although his hands were extensively bandaged and he gave no explanation as to the cause."

"Really?" Jennifer seemed concerned with that as well.

Teyla continued, "It was not a long message. Aside from what I have told you, he said he missed Torren greatly and myself and everyone else on Atlantis. He asked that we also send video recordings, now that his brother has provided a laptop for his use."

They began walking down the hallway again and Jennifer commented, "Let's see what he sent Rodney."

When they entered the rec room, Rodney was just finishing the procedure that would connect his laptop with the large screen on one wall.

"There! Just… about … done. Yes. I think we're good to go." Rodney looked up at the small crowd that had assembled.

Lorne was the first to speak up. "You want to share with the rest of the class, McKay, why you called all of us down here?"

Rodney puffed up with self importance and looked around at the group assembled: Teyla and Jennifer, Ronon, Lorne, Amelia and Chuck, Zalenka, Stackhouse, Teldy and a few Marines whose names he didn't know, but who'd been standing around when he'd thrown out the invitation."

"Yes, well friends. I got a recording from our illustrious but missing military leader today and I thought you might all want to be the first to view it. Well, except for me of course, since I've already seen it. Or at least the first few minutes since I figured I'd share before I watched the whole thing."

"And Teyla saw one," Jennifer threw out.

"What!" Rodney's head snapped up.

"Teyla got one, too," Jennifer supplied. "So she's already seen a message from the Colonel."

"Oh, right, okay," Rodney seemed confused and a bit miffed that his e-mail wasn't exclusive. "Well, let's begin, shall we?"

Everyone grabbed a seat or space on the floor or leaned on tables and someone lowered the lights as Rodney started the message.

The screen came on with John's face in front of the camera and a little cheer rose up from the audience. He was looking at the keys then looked into the camera and said, "Hey Rodney … and anyone else on Atlantis that's watching. Sorry you haven't had any communication from me since I got here but I had to make a few _improvements_ before I could do that. Plus, I only got this laptop from my brother about an hour ago and the one computer they have here for patients, I think still uses DOS.

Rodney gave a huge burst of laughter at that and a few other voices made comments as well.

"Wow, he looks a lot better than he did when he left here."

"It is good to see Colonel up and talking again."

"Oh, he's improved much more than I thought. I might need to change my bet for when he'll return."

"Uh uh, bets were closed five weeks ago. No changes allowed."

The image of John continued to talk. "And thanks to those who sent e-mails. Chewie, you really outdid yourself. Try to be a little more conservative next time. It took me almost … three and a half seconds to read yours." A few chuckles rang through the room.

"And Rodney, nobody's trying to drive you insane. You can do that pretty well, all by yourself."

"Ooh," Rodney muttered, "I forgot I wanted to delete that part before I showed everyone."

"Lorne," John continued, "Message understood. Thanks for the effort."

Teyla looked at Lorne and saw his face tighten. She knew it had been difficult for him following the command of a new leader, especially this Colonel Armstrong, who was a far cry from the laid back command of Colonel Sheppard.

Teyla looked back at the screen to see John giving everyone a tour of his room and a brief rundown of his daily therapies. He wheeled away from the camera to get something and Ronon grumbled, "When are they gonna get him out of that damn wheelchair?"

"Ronon," Jennifer chided, "You don't seem to understand that it's absolutely amazing that he's even sitting up, rolling around in that wheelchair. Seven weeks ago he was lying in a bed unable to move even a finger or utter a sound. Now look at him. You should be thrilled at the progress he's made. At this rate, I think he'll be back in less than the year we originally predicted."

"Damn!" muttered Stackhouse and when everyone looked at him, he explained, "I picked thirteen months for recovery."

A few chuckles escaped and all eyes went back to the screen. John was reaching for something from someone standing behind the camera.

"Don't you tell anyone I gave you this!" a soft, feminine voice demanded and John grinned.

"Well it's not like you got it _for_ me, you just brought it _to_ me."

His hands moved back down with a paper bag in them when the voice said, "Have a nice weekend, Colonel. I'll see you on Monday."

"Wait, Lisa. I'm sending a video message back to the base. Why don't you say hi?" The computer started panning across the room until it stopped on a thirty-something brunette in a ponytail and nurse's scrubs standing in the doorway.

John continued, "So guys, meet Lisa. She's my private nurse, which means she gets the unfortunate task of taking care of me all day."

"Oh, and you've been such a difficult patient," Lisa suggested sarcastically."

"She just likes me because I'm not eighty like the rest of the patients here, and I've got my own teeth," John quipped.

Lisa rolled her eyes and grinned at John's words.

"Oh, yeah, of course his private nurse is gorgeous," Rodney complained. "He's still got the whole Kirk thing going for him."

"Rodney!" Jennifer reprimanded as Lisa continued. "I just came to give you the rest of that sandwich. Now I'm leaving, be good!"

"You doing anything fun this weekend?" they heard John's voice ask.

Lisa nodded, "My husband and I are taking the boys camping."

"Well, have fun!" came back John's voice. "But be careful of your youngest. I have it on good authority that ten year old boys like to wander off looking for bears and moose. And sometimes they fall out of trees and break their arms and spend their whole summer vacation in a cast."

Lisa giggled and said, "I'll take that under advisement, Colonel. It's good advice. Now turn that thing around and finish your message. I don't think your troops want my life story. Bye!" and she walked out of the room.

"See, Rodney," Jennifer said as she slapped him on the arm, "she's married with kids so stop jumping to conclusions."

The screen moved back to John who then moved the paper bag in front of the camera and said, "_Contraband_."

He then seemed to realize his bandaged hands were in full view so he gave a crooked grin and partially explained, "Just a little accident yesterday."

He quickly put the bag aside and his hands in his lap. He moved closer to the camera and said, "Cam Mitchell came to visit today. He brought me this huge sub. That's the half I didn't eat. I'm pretty sure the six-pack he brought isn't part of my dietary requirements either, but since I only had three, I'm sure it's fine."

John's eyes lit up with mischief until he heard another feminine voice say, "You know, handsome, there's word on the floor that you've got some unauthorized goods in here. I'm wondering what it's worth for me to keep my mouth shut."

John's eyes immediately went into puppy-dog-begging mode as he replied, "Oh, Helen, you wouldn't do that to me now, would you? Not after the time we've spent together."

"Ha!" Rodney exclaimed. "See, ha! I told you he was still Kirking it. Tell me this one doesn't have a thing for him." And he finished with one last, "Hmph!"

The raspy voice of Helen continued, "I still need to know what's in it for me, sweet stuff."

John replied, "I _might_ be willing to conveniently forget the twenty bucks you still owe me from the Superbowl if …_you_ conveniently forget that there's an illegal food substance lying on the bed."

"I might be able to do that," Helen sent back. "But I still have to give you this swill, even if you don't eat it. I'll just leave it on your dresser."

"Thanks Helen," John said sarcastically. "Hey, say hi to everybody at my base. I'm sending them a video."

And the camera turned swiftly to show another woman in scrubs leaving a tray on John's dresser. Rodney's mouth fell open while a few snickers filled the room. "Why, she's gotta be close to sixty!" Rodney objected.

Helen scowled at the camera and said, "They don't want to see me, they want to see you and I don't blame them. Listen honey, I'm leaving now but I'll be home all weekend so if you have another bad day, have them call me if you need someone to come in and hold your hand."

Helen left the room and John flipped the camera back as he said, "Thanks." then continued, "I'm gonna go and eat the rest of that sandwich before the night nurses come in. They're not as nice as Lisa and Helen. _But_ everyone treats me pretty well here so I can't complain. And I'll get back _there _as soon as I possibly can. I promise. Keep my seat warm." And the recording ended.

"I hope someone feeds him soon. You're right, Teyla," Jennifer confirmed. "He's far too thin."

"Too thin!" Rodney bellowed. "What are you talking about? Did you see the size of his arms? It looks like he's been pumping iron all day."

"That happens to people in wheelchairs," Jennifer described. "They have to work on his upper body strength so it'll support him when he finally starts walking again. But he's definitely lost weight and he didn't have a whole lot to spare to begin with."

"I thought he seemed kind of sad," observed Amelia. "I know he was joking around somewhat but …"

"I agree," Teldy added. "The laughter never quite reached his eyes."

Some of the guys thought they were nuts and Jennifer and Teyla joined in the debate on the side of the women until Rodney snapped, "Of course he's sad, you twits. He's stuck in a wheelchair in a place full of geriatric people, bad food, no single hot nurses and he's not here with _us_." He humphed loudly and declared, "I'd be sad, too."

"Well said, Rodney!" Lorne complimented and then everyone seemed to be nodding.

"Teyla," Rodney asked, "Did you want to log in and show us the message Sheppard sent you?"

Teyla smiled serenely and stated, "My message was not quite so lengthy and I do not think Colonel Sheppard intended it to be for public exhibition."

At Rodney's hurt look and a few raised eyebrows, Teyla prevaricated, "It was primarily a birthday message for Torren."

That seemed to soothe everyone and discussion soon began on the recording just viewed and more bets placed on how the Colonel had hurt his hands and gotten the bruise on his forehead that they had noticed.

Jennifer pulled Teyla aside and asked, "Have you sent him an e-mail, yet? He didn't mention it in the video."

"Yes," Teyla confirmed. "He acknowledged it in the message he sent me."

"And did you tell him that you and Kanaan split up?"

Teyla took a deep breath and replied, "No, I was not sure an e-mail was the correct place for such a disclosure."

"You've got to tell him, Teyla," Jennifer implored. "He has a right to know. And if you tell him now, he'll have more time to think about how he wants to handle it when he gets back."

"I … will consider it." Teyla placated. She was trying to think of how to change the subject when she heard her name on the radio. She clicked on her earpiece and responded, "Yes, Mr. Woolsey. What can I do for you?"

Woolsey's voice returned through the head set, "Teyla, could you come to my office when you have a minute, please? I have a special request for you from Colonel Carter."

"Certainly, I will be right there," came her response. Her eyes narrowed in curiosity as she headed for the door.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo


	9. Chapter 9

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

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"Gertie, you are _off_ your game today. I am _so_ gonna trounce you in the next few moves," John announced to his chess partner as he sat in the rec room waiting for his daily ride. Dave had said he would be in to get him today instead of the driver who'd come the other three days this week. He'd said he had a few packages to pick up in the afternoon and he'd be there right after.

John didn't care as long as he got home to Josie's good cooking and the comfortable lounge chair in the den. He'd been in the house for almost two weeks and was already feeling more at ease there. He just hoped Dave wasn't late today, he was almost done this chess game.

"Don't get too uppity, young man; I've taken you to the cleaners three times this week."

And she had, John thought sheepishly but also hoping his mind could be that clear when he was eighty. He looked at the board, checking again all the possible moves from both players.

"You said your brother was coming to get you, right," Gertie asked. "Well I think he's here and he's got company with him."

"Probably Julia, his fiancée," John guessed as he positioned his hand to move his chess piece.

Gertie's comment, "He's got more than that," got his attention. He repositioned his piece, said, "Check," and looked up to see who else Dave had brought along. At first he thought he was hallucinating, there was no way. Then his mouth dropped open and his breath caught in his chest.

Gertrude watched John's reaction as he looked at the newcomers. His eyes grew intense, his jaw dropped down and he inhaled a deep breath. But when it came out it was so shaky she wondered if he was going to hyperventilate.

Then the little boy wriggled free from the young woman's arms and tore off across the floor to cover the few yards to the wheelchair bound man. The emotion that crossed John's face was both pain and pleasure and reminded her of when her husband had first seen her when he'd gotten back from the war.

The little boy squealed as John scooped him up into his arms. "T.J." John breathed out barely above a whisper, but Gertie didn't need good hearing to understand what was playing out in front of her.

T.J.'s arms immediately wrapped around John's neck. John's hands encircled the young child in much the same way, only with one hand on the back of T.J.'s head. Both of them had their eyes closed tight and seemed to be holding on for dear life.

After what seemed a lifetime, John's arms loosened slightly but only enough to move his face near Torren's and whisper, "Hey, Pal. Oh God, I missed you!"

Torren put his hands on John's cheeks and pouted, "I miss you!" Torren briefly pressed his tiny lips to John's fuller ones then wrapped his arms firmly around his neck again.

John looked up and saw Teyla, who had taken a few steps forward and now stood just a foot in front of him. A huge smile split her face but her eyes were filled with moisture and he watched as one lone tear rolled down her perfectly golden cheek.

Their eyes met and John wondered if she could indeed see inside his soul. He questioned if he should shutter the emotions he was feeling then decided he didn't want to. He wanted her to see. He wasn't sure what she would do with it but he wanted her to see.

Teyla took her fill of the man sitting in front of her. He looked wonderful and so much more alive than he had the last time she had seen him. She was pleased with his reaction to seeing Torren again. Her son had been desolate without John and could only be appeased by watching recordings of him several times each day. She had kept good her promise to not let Torren forget him.

Now John was looking at her and his eyes conveyed such open adoration she became a bit flustered. She thought of trying to sense his feelings but if his eyes were any indication, the intensity of his emotions at this moment, added to her own, might be completely overwhelming.

A large smile appeared on his face and he said, "You look very … American."

Teyla looked down at the blue jeans and casual cotton top she wore and replied, "Jennifer assisted me in packing." She walked the few remaining steps to John, and Torren chose that moment to pop his head off John's shoulder.

His eyes lit up and he cried, "Mama, loot!"

He bounced a bit in John's arms and Teyla responded, "Yes, I see!"

With his left arm still around Torren, John reached out for Teyla. She knelt in front of him, her hands going to his shoulders, her forehead touching his. John's hand slid into Teyla's hair, gently cupping the back of her head. He took a breath deeply inhaling the familiar scent of her.

The breath came out shaky and he sighed, "Hi, Teyla."

Another tear slid down her cheek and she breathed, "Hi, John." John wanted to stay like this forever but Torren had other plans.

"Mama," he whined, and Teyla and John moved enough to look at him. "All bettah, he tum home now?" He turned and put his face right up next to John's and pleaded, "You tum home now?"

His little mouth turned into a pout but John was having a hard time seeing it. Something was clouding his vision so he blinked a few times to see if he could clear it up. It worked a little bit but he noticed Teyla must have gotten some of the same dust in her eyes.

Torren's eyes joined his lips to make the pout even more potent as he slowly demanded, "You .. tum .. home!"

John pulled him in closer, his right hand continuing to clench in Teyla's hair. "I will, Pal, soon. I promise." His voice cracked with emotion.

He looked between Torren and Teyla and spotted Dave and Julia only a few yards away. "But for right now, we're going home with Uncle Dave, okay? All of us."

John's eyes moved up again and saw that Dave and Julia had moved so they were right in front of him. John shook his head in bewilderment. "How in the world…?"

Dave grinned, "I asked Colonel Carter for a favor."

"Thank you," John said his voice thick with emotion and Teyla added, "From both of us."

Torren clapped his hands and John amended, "Make that all three of us."

John now realized how quiet it had gotten in the rec room. He looked around and saw the place was still full; they were just the center of attention. He chuckled and raised his voice, "I should've sold tickets."

Teyla stood up and grasped the hand that had been in her hair and held it tight. Dave flipped his head toward the door and asked, "Ready to go?"

John nodded then said, "Wait!" and he rolled slightly back drawing Teyla with him. "This is Gertie. She's one heck of a chess player."

Teyla bowed her head in the older woman's direction. Gertrude looked at John and he thought her eyes looked slightly damp, too. "They're lovely, Colonel. Now you go enjoy them!"

John reached over to the board, adjusted a piece and said, "Checkmate!"

"Are you quite finished?" Teyla chuckled as she took hold of the wheelchair handles and began pushing John across the floor behind Dave and Julia, Torren enjoying the free ride in his lap.

As they approached the door John put his hand on the wheel to stop. Teyla recognized the two women who were standing there and paused before them.

John started the introductions, "Teyla, this is …" but Teyla interceded, "Lisa and … Helen."

At their stunned looks, Teyla explained, "You were both in the recording that John sent to us."

Enlightenment hit them and they both said it was nice to meet her.

Teyla closed her eyes and bowed her head, "It is indeed an honor. We owe you a debt of gratitude for all that you have provided for John. The days have been difficult but we rest easier knowing he is being cared for with such diligence and concern." Teyla bowed her head slightly again.

Helen smiled, "It's been easy. He's such a cooperative patient."

"John?" Teyla pursed her lips. "Who is this patient they speak of? I have observed you in the infirmary and I do not believe cooperative would be an accurate description."

Her eyebrows rose but when he looked up at her with the innocent eyes and charming smile everything inside her melted. She closed her eyes and shook her head then leaned in closer to Lisa and Helen.

"It if often difficult to remain stern with him when he does that."

"I can imagine," Lisa replied and looked down when John called her name.

"I …uh , I …might not be here tomorrow. So if I don't see you ladies, have a Happy Easter."

"You, too," they both said and at Teyla's confused look, John said, "I'll explain later."

John started wheeling toward the door and Teyla said, "Again, I wish to express my appreciation. Torren has been quite distressed without John and I, too, have been filled with a sadness in his absence. We are grateful for your assistance."

Teyla gave one last bow of her head and followed John out the door.

Lisa and Helen watched as she left the room then turned and looked at each other.

"Wow!" Lisa exclaimed.

Helen nodded and responded, "And she carries a machine gun!"

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox

.

"This meatloaf looks incredible, Josie. Are you sure you don't want to join us?" John asked as he settled into his seat at the large kitchen table.

"I'm positive. You just enjoy your visitors." Josie answered then whispered, "I like them."

Teyla looked up from putting Torren into the borrowed booster seat and commented, "Thank you for all your help and for the meal that smells so delicious. I still do not understand how you knew meatloaf to be Torren's favorite."

"Don't look at me," John protested. "I didn't even know you were coming. But _you _must have known, Josie. I can't believe you didn't tell me."

"Don't blame her," Dave insisted. "I wanted it to be a surprise. But I also didn't tell you because if something happened at the last minute, I didn't want you to be disappointed."

John nodded in understanding but was still flabbergasted that Dave had arranged for all this.

Josie left and the meatloaf was passed around, along with the mashed potatoes, gravy and green beans. Torren was in heaven and John knew by the end of the meal he would be in need of a bath.

"Ronon and Rodney wished to come as well," Teyla told John, "but they were invited to a celebration feast for Geldar and Holona. They are celebrating three years since the cessation of hostilities between their people."

John smirked and said, "That's great! And a minor miracle. Do they still have all the pictures of Rodney lying around?"

"I am unsure. But they were disappointed that you could not attend. However, they agreed to accept Ronon in your stead."

"What did you tell them?"

"We simply said you were unavailable. However, I think it will interest you to know that the celebration feast is also in honor of the upcoming nuptials of Nola and Baden."

John's fork stopped halfway to this mouth and he remarked, "Really?" He shook his head and said, "I didn't see that one coming, Wow!"

"I agree they are an unusual couple," Teyla contributed.

"I've seen stranger," John said. "Heck, look at McKay and Keller. I still don't get _that_."

"They have much more in common than you would imagine."

John made a face. "They'd have to." He took a few more bites then asked, "So tell me about this Armstrong. What's he like?"

Teyla took a deep breath and sighed. John chuckled, "That bad, huh?"

Torren raised his plate and smiled, "More, pease!"

John put more food on his plate and laughed, "We're gonna have to hose you down, Pal."

Torren dug back into the food on his plate and John looked over at Teyla for more information.

"Colonel Armstrong is very like Colonel Sumner and Colonel Everett in his military approach and philosophy."

"So he looks right through you as if you weren't there?" John said.

Teyla's smile lit up her face at the realization that John remembered her exact words from six years ago when they had first met. "Yes, although I think he sees me more as Mr. Woolsey's assistant and therefore has no need of me."

"He'll learn," John muttered, "I hope."

Dave interrupted, "Teyla, you mentioned Colonel Sumner and Colonel Everett. Who are they?"

Teyla looked at John who sighed, "Sumner was the Military Commander for the original expedition to Atlantis."

At Dave's confused look, John chuckled, "No, there was no way I would have even gotten a ticket to go if it weren't for the ATA gene. And even then Dr. Weir, the expedition leader, was the one who insisted. Sumner made it clear he didn't want me; something about my record and attitude and inability to follow orders."

Julia joined the conversation. "So why isn't Colonel Sumner still there?"

John and Teyla glanced at each other again but Teyla answered while John concentrated on his food. "Colonel Sumner was killed shortly after arriving. His death was caused by the Wraith, a formidable enemy in our galaxy."

John gave her a knowing look and almost rolled his eyes. Teyla responded sternly, "John, you need to release yourself from the guilt you carry over Colonel Sumner's death. You need to accept that the Wraith were responsible for ending his life, not you."

"Right," John replied with a trace of doubt still in his voice then he addressed his brother, "So now you know how I got my command – through default. I was the next ranking officer."

"But they must have thought you could do the job or they would have sent someone else to replace Sumner," Dave protested.

"If by _they_, you mean the US Military," John supplied," _They_ had no clue what was going on. When we left for what we hoped was Atlantis, we all knew it was probably a one way trip. We had no way of knowing if we could ever get back to Earth. And we couldn't, for a while." John took a sip from his water.

"We had no contact with Earth for almost a year. But with a Wraith armada bearing down on us, we managed to cobble together enough power to open a wormhole back to Earth for about two seconds. Not long enough to send anyone through but enough to send a data burst containing as much info as we could on Atlantis and our situation. That's when Everett came into the picture."

John gave a brief explanation of the Marines coming through, the fight and the eventual arrival of the Daedelus. Teyla noted that he never mentioned his suicide run to blow up the hive ships. But unlike Rodney, John did not like to boast of his accomplishments.

"And this Everett?" Dave prompted.

"He was shipped back to Earth with the seriously wounded," John replied.

"So what did he want when he came to visit?" Dave asked.

Teyla's eyebrow rose considerably. "Colonel Everett came to visit you here?"

John nodded. "The first week I was in rehab." He shrugged. "He said to show moral support. I have some doubts about that personally."

Teyla tilted her head. "He still does not hold you to blame for what happened to Colonel Sumner?"

John shook his head. "No, but that doesn't mean he likes me any better now than he did then. I think he just liked the idea of having my complete attention when there was no way I could talk back."

Dave looked thoughtful and commented, "I think Dad would have liked that, too."

John just chuckled and Teyla boasted, "And that is when you were promoted to Lt. Colonel and allowed to remain in command."

"Yeah," John agreed. "But I'm pretty sure Elizabeth had a lot to do with that."

"That is possible," Teyla conceded, "but only because she trusted you and knew you were the best suited for the job."

That uncomfortable feeling John always got when people complimented him rose to the surface so he looked around for a distraction. Torren, aware the adults were deep in conversation, had decided to draw pictures in his gravy.

"Whoa there, Pal!" John said as he removed Torren's plate from in front of him. "_You_ are a mess!"

John laughed and T.J. looked up at him and stuck his fist in his mouth to try and lick off some of the gravy dripping there.

Julia was ready with a few paper towels but John announced those were just a band-aid. This kid would need a full blown scrub down.

John got in his chair and grabbed a few things from his room and Teyla's, put a semi-wiped down Torren in his lap and wheeled toward the bathroom.

The others cleaned up the table and moved to the den. The adapted rooms were right off the den so Dave, Julia and Teyla could hear the shower running and Torren's squeals of laughter. Teyla decided to use this opportunity to gather some information.

"David, I am curious about something. In the recording John recently sent us, his hands were extensively bandaged. Also one of the nurses, Helen, made a puzzling statement. She informed John that if he had another _bad day_, she would come in and hold his hand. Colonel Carter was also quite insistent that Torren and I visit soon. Did something happen?"

Dave took a deep breath and listened for sounds from the bathroom. When he heard a deep chuckle followed by a peel of childish laughter, he proceeded, "A few weeks ago, on T.J.'s birthday, John was pretty upset he was missing it. This coupled with the frustration of inactivity got him pretty worked up. But then he got an-e-mail from someone on Atlantis telling him they'd sent this Armstrong to take John's place and it sent him over the edge. He started questioning if he would ever fully recover and walk again."

Dave sighed and looked disgusted with himself. "He called me to talk and I wasn't in. I guess a few more little things happened, spilling his lunch, bumping his head trying to get a clean shirt and he just … snapped."

"Snapped?" Teyla questioned.

"Got violent, went nuts. He started trashing the room, broke things, pulled the phone out of the wall. Whenever anyone came in to try and help him, he swore and threw something at them."

Teyla's face was a mixture of horror and sadness. "How did he injure his hands? From throwing things?"

It was Dave's turn for his face to show horror and sadness. "He broke a vase and there was glass lying on the floor. While dragging himself over to the window, he picked some up. When _**I**_ finally got there, he'd been squeezing the shards of glass for so long that his hands and fingers were all cut up and his hands were just dripping with blood."

"But what of the bandages on his wrist and arm?" Teyla persisted.

"He somehow cut it with the glass."

Teyla's eyes widened even further. "He did this on purpose?"

"He says he remembers it happening but he doesn't remember doing it." Dave took a deep breath. "He was pretty messed up by the time I got there."

Dave didn't go into details as he was still ashamed of his part in John's breakdown and felt he could have helped to avoid it.

They heard the water in the bathroom turn off and Dave rushed, "I wouldn't say anything to John about this. He's completely horrified that it happened."

"I agree," Teyla said. "It is unlike John to lose control of his emotions. He would be very upset that he had. I will not speak of it."

It was about ten minutes later when John came out of the bathroom with Torren in his lap, both sporting wet hair and shiny faces. Torren was in his pajamas but John had changed into a pair of navy blue pajama pants and a gray t-shirt, also. They were both barefoot.

They rolled over and joined Teyla on one side of the large sectional couch opposite the big screen TV. Dave and Julia shared the other half.

"I see you _both_ had a shower," Teyla observed.

"It's got a hand held spray and T.J. was a little nervous so I just showed him how it was done."

"Excellent!" exclaimed Teyla. "Now you_ both_ smell wonderful."

John got a teasing glint in his eyes and sounded offended, "Are you saying we were stinky before? T.J., I think your Mom's saying we were stinky."

"Tinky!" Torren laughed.

"Are we gonna let her get away with that?" John directed at the boy in his lap. "Maybe _she_ needs a shower, too."

Torren giggled and said, "Yeah!"

John leaned toward Teyla slowly and Teyla's nervous, "John, what …?" was never finished because John started shaking his head sending water flying everywhere.

_Teyla_ squealed this time and started laughing as she attempted to push John's head away from her. When they were done with the tussle, Teyla was leaning against the arm of the couch and John's hair was sticking up in every possible direction.

Dave and Julia's laughter joined Teyla's as she informed John, "Your hair has grown quite long."

John ran his hands through it and said, "I hadn't had it cut in almost a month when I got injured so it's been almost three months now."

"I can bring you to get it cut anytime you like," offered Dave.

"Maybe while Teyla and I are shopping tomorrow," Julia suggested.

"Wait!" John cried and looked at Teyla. "You just got here and you're leaving me to go _shopping_?"

"We just need to find her a dress for Easter," Julia defended. "Besides, I don't think you have much to wear for church, either."

John hadn't really thought about going to an Easter mass but wondered if Teyla would want to.

Before he could ask, Teyla said, "David and Julia drove me past the …church. I am looking forward to seeing the inside of such a marvelous structure."

"Fine!" John sulked, "I can get a haircut and suit while you _quickly_ find a dress." He looked down at Torren who was still moving his head slightly to see if he could shake the water off like John had. John pulled the long curls off of Torren's forehead that were hanging in his eyes and asked, "What about this? Can we cut it or do you want to let him turn into Halling?"

Teyla considered for a moment then replied, "If Torren will consent to it, you may have his hair cut."

With details ironed out, John told Torren it was time to think about bed. The boy insisted on a story so they started on the favorite: The Three Bears. When it came time for Teyla's part she decided to go with "Who's been eating my meatloaf."

Torren threw up his hands and fell over laughing, right off John's lap and onto the couch. Torren stopped giggling long enough to reprimand Teyla and got back to the story. Dave and Julia just watched, smiling, feeling like they were in the middle of one big private joke.

When the stories were done, John said it was time to say good night.

"Da night, Papa Bear," Torren giggled.

"Good night, Baby Bear," John chuckled back and pulled him in for what looked like a kiss but turned into a loud raspberry on the boy's neck, eliciting another round of giggles from him.

John was about to move to his chair when Dave reminded him, "Didn't you tell me Josh wanted you to practice standing when you transferred over?"

"Oh, yeah," John grumbled then explained to Teyla, "They started me standing in PT this week. I can only manage a few seconds at a time and I can't do it by myself yet."

Dave got up to help but Teyla insisted, "I can assist him, just tell me what to do."

John showed Teyla where to stand and how to position her hands to help him the most. John lifted himself off the couch with his hands on Teyla's shoulders. He immediately felt the strain on the underused leg muscles and his face reflected that.

Then he saw Teyla's grin and heard her breathless awe. "You are standing, John!" He forgot about the leg strain and just focused on her beautiful face. When his eyes went wide and he could feel his legs giving out, Teyla eased him into the wheelchair and Dave applauded, "That was about ten seconds, Nice!"

Torren climbed right into his lap and they moved to the hall between the two bedrooms. "You and your Mom are going to stay in there," John pointed to the room on the right then indicated the other one, "And this is my room."

Torren peaked into both rooms then kneeled up and put his face right up next to John's. "I seep with you," he whispered timidly then added, "Pease!"

John's eyes flew up to Teyla who gave a gentle warning, "Torren…"

Torren's bottom lip jutted out and quickly began to tremble as his eyes filled up with tears. "Pease, Mama!" he begged.

John thought his eyes would follow suit if he had to watch this child's heart break another second. He gave a small nod and mouthed, '_If it's okay with you_.'

Teyla looked torn for a moment then said firmly but softly, "For _tonight,_ Torren."

John expected Torren to respond with his happy clapping or squeal of glee; however the boy simply wrapped his arms around John's neck and buried his head into his shoulder. As John reached down to move the chair, he felt T.J.'s arms squeeze tighter, the band around his heart responding in the same way.

At the side of the bed, it took almost a minute to coerce the boy from around John's neck to the bed with the turned down covers. Teyla brought in Torren's blanket and stuffed animal and managed to get him in the bed with the promise that John would lie down with him.

After a kiss on Torren's forehead and a matching one for John, that her son had insisted on, Teyla moved to the doorway. She heard John tell Torren about the stuffed animal _he'd_ taken from the pillow and was holding in his hands.

"You know how _you_ have your giraffe, well when I was little, I used to take this bunny everywhere with me." Teyla closed her eyes briefly and sensed such an immense feeling of warmth, safety and contentment that she knew she was picking up the emotions of both of the occupants of the bed.

She backed out of the room and rejoined Dave and Julia in the den. As she sat down, she heard John sing a song. Dave and Julia laughed and Dave shook his head as he commented, "He's teaching him 'Little Bunny Foo Foo'."

Julia looked curious, "Shouldn't he be getting him quiet instead of all riled up?"

Dave raised his eyebrows and reminded, "You forgot, I told you John has a little bit of magic that he performs."

Julia just looked skeptical and Teyla looked at Julia and said, "I am not sure it is magic, but John has the ability to get Torren excited one moment and sleeping the next. Torren will be asleep within minutes, you will see. Shortly after that, John will join us again."

"I'm not so sure about that," Dave contradicted, then clarified. "John coming out again, I mean. It's a little after 7:30 now. Most nights at this time, he's out for the count, sleeping until morning."

Teyla looked shocked at this as John Sheppard, on Atlantis, never went to bed prior to midnight. "And he does this every night?" Teyla asked worried.

"The doctors say it's normal. His body is still trying to adjust to the massive shock it had. That and he pushes himself to the point of exhaustion every day."

There was now complete silence coming from John's room so Teyla closed her eyes briefly. When she opened them she looked toward Dave and said, "You are correct. They are both asleep."

Julia walked over to the bedroom door to peer inside. She nodded with a big grin on her face and motioned for them to come over.

John was lying partially on his side with Torren snuggled in his arms. The boy's head was pillowed on John's chest and John's lips rested against the top of Torren's head. John's hand, behind Torren's back, held the ratty old bunny.

Teyla moved closer and adjusted the blankets so they fully covered both occupants. She drank in the sight of them for another few moments then followed Dave and Julia back to the den.

"I want to thank you for coming, Teyla," Dave began as Teyla got comfortable on the couch. "John's been pretty depressed since he got here. I've seen a huge improvement just in the last few hours."

"I am pleased that it has helped and that Sam was able to arrange it. I would do anything for John."

"And John would do anything for you, no matter the price or the danger," Dave said.

"Yes, I am aware," Teyla confirmed. "John has risked his life on many occasions to save mine."

They sat quietly for a short while until Teyla suggested, "I would love to hear more about John as a child."

Dave grinned and Julia crossed the room to the bookshelf and extracted a few photo albums. "We can do better than that," Julia said, "We can show you." Dave and Julia flanked Teyla on both sides and placed a photo album in her lap.

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxo

.

Teyla awoke to the sound of music coming from outside her room. She quietly stepped out, not wanting to wake John but then realized the music was coming from the den and John and Torren were already awake. They were both reclined in the extra wide lounge chair watching the TV.

As Teyla approached them, John greeted, "Good morning, hungry?" and he held up a box of Froot Loops.

Teyla gave Torren a good morning kiss and returned John's greeting. "Did you and Torren sleep well last night?"

John nodded and answered, "Best sleep I've had since I got here," he then looked up like he was reconsidering, "Except when they knocked me out with the sedative a few weeks ago." He made a wry face.

Teyla looked at the screen and asked curiously, "What is that large purple creature and why is he talking?"

John's lopsided grin appeared and he explained, "That's Barney, he's a dinosaur. And it's just a show for kids. Torren seems to like it. Of course he liked Dragon Tales and Sesame Street, too."

At Teyla's raised eyebrow, John said, "We've been up for a while. Listen there's food in the fridge and the cabinets in the kitchen if you're hungry." He held up the box again. "Or you can join us?"

Torren's hand went back inside the box and pulled out a handful of the breakfast cereal and began putting them in his mouth. John's eyes narrowed and he faked a stern expression.

"Hey, where are mine?"

Torren immediately began feeding some to John.

"I think I will get ready first then eat," Teyla stated.

"Get ready for what?" John questioned. "None of the stores open until ten. It's only 7:15. And it's only us. No one cares that you're in your pajamas. We're still in ours."

He indicated him and Torren then looked at the familiar pair Teyla had on. "But if you need help with that tie, let me know. I have experience."

Teyla blushed at the mischievous twinkle in John's eyes and moved quickly through the closest door which led into the kitchen. Julia and Dave were just walking in from the other direction and Teyla accepted Julia's offer of an omelets.

"How long have they been up?" Dave asked and tilted his head in John's direction.

"I have only just awoken," Teyla responded, "But John says he and Torren have already viewed several of your television shows. Both he and Torren are _very_ early risers."

"I've noticed that the past few weeks," Dave observed. "I'm going to see if John wants an omelet, too."

Teyla forestalled him. "He and Torren are eating those colorful rings he is so fond of."

Dave grinned, "He may still want something more substantial."

He walked to the door of the den and peered inside. He smiled when he saw John singing along with the purple dinosaur. " …_won't you say you love me, too._"

Torren took John's words at face value. He scooted around in John's lap so he was facing him and announced, "I luh you, Papa Bear!"

John took a deep breath while he placed the cereal box on the floor. He framed T.J.'s face with his hands and pulled it closer then whispered, "I love you, too, Baby Bear!" and then he kissed Torren's nose.

John smiled then began to rapidly kiss the boy's forehead, cheeks, neck and belly until he was squealing with delight.

Dave figured it was safe to enter. "Interested in an omelet?"

John's eyes narrowed, "Who's making it?"

"Julia."

"Okay, as long as it's not Teyla," John said.

"She doesn't make good omelets?" Dave guessed.

"She doesn't make good _anything._"

"John!" snapped Teyla who suddenly appeared in the doorway next to Dave. "Then I will not bother cooking for you again."

John looked hopeful, "You promise?"

Teyla's eyes narrowed and her mouth got thin. John realized she might really be mad so he grabbed for her hand before she could move away. Dave chuckled and figured it was a good time to leave.

Teyla pulled against John's hand as she glared at him. Teyla was strong but most of John's upper body strength had returned so he still had an advantage over her. When her grip slackened for a second, John pulled.

Teyla stepped forward with the momentum but tripped on the cereal box causing her to fall backwards into John's lap. Her back was against one padded armrest with her legs dangling over the other.

She attempted to get up but Torren, who had moved to accommodate his mother, now plunked himself in her lap making it impossible for her to move.

"You're not really mad, Teyla, are you?" John asked nervously.

Teyla remained silent and stared across the room. She knew if she kept it up, it was possible to get John to grovel. That could be interesting.

"Come on, Teyla," John coaxed, "Let's face it. You have many talents in many areas but cooking just isn't one of them."

Teyla continued to remain silent until John's hesitant, "Teyla?"

"Many talents?" she hinted for more information, "Such as …"

"You're a natural born leader, a great diplomat, an amazing negotiator," John listed. "You kick ass as a warrior, you're a wonderful, loving Mom, you're an incredibly beautiful woman," Teyla's eyes glanced up at this one, "And you're an unbelievably forgiving person when one of your friends says something stupid that _inadvertently_ hurts your feelings."

Teyla adopted a smug smile as she shifted slightly so her head was almost resting on John's shoulder. "It is true I am not a very good cook," she stated calmly.

John paused for a second realizing what she'd said then he closed his eyes, leaned back his head and laughed silently.

"And you think I am beautiful." Teyla gloated, pleased.

John pursed his lips and said, "I was just stating facts." But when he looked at her face almost glowing with the compliment, he added, "But yeah, I do."

Torren started clapping at something on the screen so John and Teyla settled back and watched with him, both extremely aware of their prospective positions.

When the show was almost over, John started singing along with the enthusiastic dinosaur. "_I love you, you love me. We're a happy family. With a great big hug and a kiss from me to you, won't you say you love me, too?"_

John didn't dare breath, wondering what Teyla's reaction to the lyrics would be but Torren, always good with timing, clapped his hands and yelled to the screen, "I luh you!"

John and Teyla both chuckled and Teyla looked thoughtful. "This talking creature has an admirable philosophy. Many people could benefit from his teachings."

John nodded his head. "We could set him loose among the Wraith. I think people on _this _planet would be _very_ grateful." He cocked his head then finished, "Although we'd probably just end up with a giant purple raisin."

Teyla was confused by what John said but instead of explaining it he changed the subject. "You haven't said and I haven't asked but how long are you here until?"

"We will be leaving at night on the fourth day from today. The day you call Monday."

John gave a half smile but it never quite made it to his eyes. He was absolutely thrilled they were here but four days just wasn't enough time.

Torren was already engrossed in the next cartoon that came on the screen and Teyla settled more comfortably on John's shoulder with one hand rubbing her son's back. As much as he was enjoying Teyla in his lap, he was confused by her behavior. She hadn't really planned to be in this position but now that she was, she didn't seem in a hurry to move.

He wondered what Kanaan would think of this. Damn! Why did he have to be so freakin' conscientious? With no Kanaan in the picture, John could pull Teyla closer and run his hands over the silky pajamas that he liked so much. He could tilt her head up and trace her gorgeous pink lips with his tongue and …

_Whoa! Stop right there_! He needed to stop and remember there _was_ a Kanaan and he had absolutely no right to have Teyla sitting in his lap this way, no matter how innocent the circumstances. He turned his head toward the door and yelled, "Julia! Those omelets ready, yet?"

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxo

.

"Are you sure you want to go in _here_?" Dave asked again. "You know I could probably get you in with my stylist if I tried."

John just glared at his brother. "A Barber Shop is fine," John insisted as Dave helped him get over the threshold. The women had taken off as early as they could, dropping the guys at a men's store so John could get a suit.

John had taken minimal time, just wanting something functional but Dave had fussed over brand names and styles. Until John had called him a girl then he had shut up.

They'd gotten Torren an outfit, too. Again Dave's opinion ran to the higher end but John stated Khaki's and a polo shirt would be fine for a two year old. The only extra he'd added was a cute little pair of red suspenders. But John had spent enough time in the past pulling up T.J.'s droopy pants that he knew suspenders would be functional, too.

"Hey, there," the Barber greeted as John rolled into the shop. "What can I do for you?"

"I need to be able to see again," John quipped as he blew the long strands out of his face. "And we're gonna see if this guy will cooperate long enough to fix his vision as well."

"Okay," the barber said but then paused and looked at the wheelchair.

"I can get into the chair, don't worry," John assured him and proceeded to do it.

"I'll move this out of your way," Dave offered as he took the chair then said, "I'm just going to read the newspaper on the bench outside, John. Do you need me to take T.J.?"

"Nope," John denied, "He's gotta see me get my hair cut so he knows it doesn't hurt. Go ahead. I'll call you if I need you."

Dave walked out and John grinned, "It's a little too bucolic in here for him."

The barber bent in front of Torren and asked, "Do you want a better seat to see your old man get his hair cut?" Torren's eyes lit up and the man scooped him up and placed him in the chair next to John.

"Name's Tom," he stuck his hand out and John took it saying, "John, and that's T.J."

"Nice to meet you. Now let's get started." Tom pulled out a plastic cape and set it around John's shoulders. As he was folding under John's collar, he noticed the dog tags.

"What branch of the military?" he asked as he wet down John's hair and picked up a pair of scissors.

"Air Force."

"I was Army for twelve years myself. You want this a military cut then?"

"Nah, just shorter," John replied. "It may be a while before I'm back on base."

Tom started cutting and nodded at the wheelchair. "That happen in the line of duty?"

John just nodded. Tom continued to chatter away. "What rank ya' at?"

"Colonel."

Tom stopped cutting and asked, "Full?"

At John's nod he moved the scissors to his other hand and gave a snappy salute. He went back to working on John's hair. "But I'm guessing you're no desk jockey. Air Force, huh? You a pilot?"

John gave yet another nod. Tom moved around to John's front and said, "When did that happen?" again indicating the wheelchair.

"Two months ago."

"They lettin' you stay in?"

John sighed, "Hopefully. I'm still in rehab so I guess it all depends on if I can get these legs moving again or not."

"If you're determined enough, you'll do it." insisted Tom.

John smiled, encouraged, "That's what I'm aiming for."

Tom continued to cut, making a few comments here and there about the abundance of cowlicks on John's head. He finished trimming up the sideburns and brushed the hair off the cape. He looked at Torren and said, "What do you think?"

Torren just looked at the man wide-eyed. "Okay, give him a thumbs-up," he showed the boy what to do, "and say, 'Looking good, Daddy'."

T.J. copied the gesture and mimicked, "Lootin' dood, Daddy!"

John chuckled but knew he was being wistful at T.J.'s words.

"Your turn, now. You ready?"

Torren nodded his head but held his arms out for John. Tom picked him up and delivered him to John's lap. "I can do him sitting right there, if you think he'll go for it."

"Let's try it," John decided. A small cape was put on and his hair wet.

"Anything special for him?"

"A regular little's boy's cut but not too short. His Mom'll skin me alive."

Tom got started and John immediately began talking to the boy about Easter and the Easter Bunny and the big egg hunt PSI put on every year. As Tom finished Torren's hair and started cleaning up the mess, he asked, "So how do you get to go to the big egg hunt at Sheppard Industries? You've got to be an employee or a real good friend, right?"

"I guess," John shrugged. "We'll go with my brother, Dave," John pointed out the window and clarified, "…Sheppard."

Tom suddenly looked at him differently asking, "You're John _Sheppard_ of Sheppard Industries?"

"No," John said firmly. "I'm John Sheppard of the United States Air Force. That…" he again pointed out the window, "Is David Sheppard of Patrick Sheppard Industries. I have absolutely nothing to do with PSI. We're just going to let T.J. do some egg hunting Sunday."

"Fair enough," Tom smiled and brought John's chair over for him. After John was settled with T.J. in his lap, he gave Tom a few bills and headed for the door. As Tom helped him through, he said, "Good luck, son. I wish you well."

John shook his hand and thanked him. Dave got up and started pushing the wheelchair down the sidewalk to where they were supposed to meet Julia and Teyla.

When Torren saw his mother, he wiggled off John's lap and ran to her. "Loot Mama, we dot a hair tut!"

"Yes, you did!" Teyla smiled widely. "You both look very handsome!"

"Handsome, huh?" John teased and they moved toward the car.

They decided to stop somewhere for lunch and when they were settled at a table and John's wheelchair moved out of the way, he asked, "So, did you find a nice Easter dress?"

"Yes," Teyla replied happily. "Julia is most knowledgeable regarding the type of clothing and colors that look best on each individual."

"She gets in a lot of practice," Dave muttered and was rewarded with an elbow in his side.

"And we even had time to put color on our fingernails to match our dresses." Teyla held out her hands to show them. Her fingernails were a pail shade of peach.

She leaned in close to John and whispered, "We even had our toenails colored!"

John chuckled at the almost scandalized tone in her voice. He wiggled his eyebrows and whispered back, "I can't wait to see."

Teyla realized he was teasing her so she sat back and looked at the menu. John helped Torren and Teyla pick items off the menu as some of the food they'd never heard of.

The waitress had just brought their salads when a voice behind John's shoulder said, "Sheppard, how are you?"

John wondered for a moment who'd be here that he knew when Dave stood up and John remembered that _he_ was a Sheppard, too.

"Ted! I'm great. Barbara, you look lovely as usual."

John looked up and saw a couple, probably in their late fifties, pausing behind T.J. The man shook hands with Dave and looked down at the table. "Don't let us interrupt you. I just stopped over to say hi."

Dave looked down and pointed, "You've met my fiancée, Julia, right?" At their nod and greeting, he continued, "And this is my brother, John and Teyla and T.J."

John shook hands with the man and nodded at the woman. Dave finished the introduction, "This is Ted and Barbara Downey. Ted does a good deal of business with the company. You're bringing those grandkids to the Easter Egg hunt Sunday, right?" Dave insisted of the couple.

"Wouldn't miss it," Ted smiled to the group but John noticed the man's eyes narrow and his smile slip just a bit when he looked at him. Had the man known his father and heard stories or had John somehow annoyed him already?

John didn't really care but his question was answered almost an hour later when Julia had slipped into the ladies 'room and Dave was across the restaurant schmoozing with another business acquaintance. Ted was strolling back from the men's room and stopped back at the table.

"John," he began seriously, "Let me give you a little piece of advice. Your brother's an important man in this community and it's essential that he present a professional and respectable front at all times."

At John's confused look, he continued, "He doesn't need his brother sitting next to him being disrespectful and ill-mannered. I knew your father well and I know he would have taught you to stand in the presence of a lady."

"Oh," John said, "That's what this is about?"

"Yes," Ted confirmed. "So the advice is, don't make your brother look bad with your lack of manners."

John's jaw tensed and he said through gritted teeth, "Understood."

The man walked away and Teyla's eyes grew intense as she leaned toward John who was still staring off into the distance with his face like granite.

"Why did you not defend yourself to that man?" Teyla demanded. "He should know that it is because you are physically unable to stand right now and not lack of manners that…"

"It doesn't matter, Teyla," John interrupted. "If he'd insulted you or Torren, I would have popped him one, but I really don't care what he thinks of me."

"I care what he thinks of you," Teyla stated, "especially when that thinking is incorrect. Perhaps _**I **_should have … popped _him_ one."

John laughed and moved his face closer to hers. "That I'd like to have seen. It's kind of nice having you defend me."

Teyla covered John's hand with hers and declared, "I would defend you with my life, John."

His eyes turned sincere. "I know you would, Teyla." He looked down at her hand on his, patted it with his own and said, "Thanks for that."

Julia and Dave both arrived back at the same time and asked if there was any place else they needed or wanted to go.

"I hate to be a party pooper," John said with regret, "But I think Torren's probably due for a nap."

Dave gazed at John with a knowing look and John added chagrined, "Okay, he might not be the only one."

The trip home was quick and purchases put away. John quickly claimed the recliner and invited Torren to join him. "Grab your giraffe and blanket and come on up here."

Torren gathered his things and John scooped him into the chair and reclined it completely. Torren started to snuggle against him when he perked his head up, climbed down and ran into John's room. He returned a moment later with John's bunny and climbed back up. He then snuggled into John's side again with his animal and blanket, handing John _his_ to snuggle with.

"Thanks Pal," John said.

Teyla was standing, watching in the doorway with a content smile on her face so John patted the spot next to him and offered, "We can make room if you're interested."

Teyla was more than interested. The thought of lying so intimately next to John brought a surge of desire through her. But she needed to tell him about Kanaan. She knew John was still under the impression that they were together. His inhibitions had been a bit freer here on Earth but she knew there was still a line he would not cross.

The time had not been right yet to tell him. She needed some time when they were alone and she knew they would not be disturbed. She hoped that time would come soon.

"You two have your rest," Teyla directed. "I will continue looking at these picture books from when you were a young boy. They are fascinating."

John groaned as Teyla opened a photo album but pulled Torren in closer and both were asleep in minutes. As Teyla looked at the young John Sheppard, and the adult one in the chair lying with her son, she wished for the day when it would be acceptable to join them.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

"So we need a road going to the farm. You ready to build one?" John directed Torren as they sat on the floor surrounded by blocks. While John and T.J. had napped, Dave had pulled a big box out of the attic. It had contained a play farm, a roadway set, toy construction vehicles and a large assortment of blocks.

Torren was in heaven but John seemed pretty happy, too. They'd moved the stuff to the large formal living room since it had tons of open space and hardwood floors. The Sheppards had used it primarily for entertaining but John had always thought it was a great room for building cities. And he still thought so.

He and T.J. moved the construction vehicles around, making all sorts of accompanying truck noises. The roads were laid and the blocks became cities. Torren pushed one of the toy cars along the road until it came to the farm on the edge of the city.

He picked up some of the animals and asked John, "What dat?"

John scooted over to T.J. and said, "These are all animals on the farm."

Torren got excited and said, "Lite Ode MitDonoo?"

John laughed and said, "Yes, just like Old MacDonald. Hey, _maybe_ this is _his_ farm."

Torren clapped and picked up some of the animals so John started telling him what the animals were and what sounds they made.

"That's a cow," John said.

"Tow doe MOO!" Torren giggled then held up a pig.

"Pig," John stated and Torren called, "OINT, OINT!"

"That's close enough, Pal." Jon chuckled and looked up when he heard another laugh from the doorway. Teyla was standing there smiling with a small video camera in front of her face.

"T. J., what is Mommy doing?" John asked as he made a face.

Torren looked up and showed Teyla an animal. "Mama, tow doe MOO!"

"Yes, I see you have been busy boys in here. Such a creation!" She moved the video camera to encompass the 'city' then lowered it.

"I want to get as much of you and Torren on camera as I am able. It is easier to get him calm when I tell him we can 'watch' Uncle John. He has missed your time together immensely. I am hoping if I have enough recordings of the two of you playing together maybe it will somehow ease the burden of your absence."

"I get it." John understood. "I'm really sorry, Teyla. I know it must be hard on T.J. when he's used to hanging out with me."

"You should feel no need to apologize, John. You are hardly to blame for your condition."

John nodded then said, "I hope Kanaan's been spending more time with him and in the city helping you."

Teyla debated telling John right then but Torren was right there and she wasn't sure she wanted to get in this discussion in front of him. He may only be two but he understood a great deal. "Do not worry, John. I have had many people step in to help with the care of Torren."

She moved around the 'city' and toward a bench near the large Palladian windows. "What is this, John?" She asked as she sat on the bench near a large piece of furniture.

"It's a piano," John replied and then realized that wasn't very helpful as an answer. "It's a musical instrument."

Teyla swiveled on the bench and studied it, looking confused. "It is quite large. How does one play it?"

John moved closer himself. "Some pianos are a lot smaller but this is called a Grand Piano. My Dad insisted we have the biggest and best of everything, of course."

With Teyla's help, John managed to climb up next to her on the bench. He lifted the cover off the keys and slid it smoothly inside with Teyla's startled, "Oh, I see," coming from her lips.

John ran his fingers over the keys, testing them out and playing a few scales. Torren, not wanting to miss out on anything, toddled over. Teyla scooped him up, sat him next to John and picked up the video camera again then moved back a few steps to sit on a nearby chair.

"You ready for some music, Pal?" John asked and the enthusiastic clapping was all that was needed.

John started playing and singing "Old MacDonald had a farm, E I E I O."

As he sang, Torren jumped in with the required animal sounds. John segued into 'Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star' and then a medley involving 'Row Your Boat', 'Yankee Doodle', 'Oh, Susanna', and 'Oh my Darlin' Clementine'.

He'd been practicing at the center lately with scales and some old songs he remembered, but he hadn't done anything fancy. He was curious to see how much he still remembered and could do, so he flexed his fingers a bit and started the 'Peanuts Theme Song'.

He knew Teyla and Torren wouldn't know the song but it always made him nostalgic. Maybe he'd have to rent one of the Charlie Brown movies and show Torren, he'd probably love it.

John's fingers flew over the keys and he smiled when he realized his motor skills were vastly improved. He'd been working diligently ever since the shoe tying fiasco, doing OT exercises that Mary had shown him. He almost felt like he could do anything.

He gave himself another test by seeing how well he could do 'Beethoven's Fifth Symphony'. He had joked about playing it the day he'd met Julia but the question was; could he really do it? His fingers played the first few notes then seemed to have a memory of their own.

John couldn't believe that he actually remembered all the notes but then that had always been the easiest part of playing. His mind had a way with numbers and patterns that most people couldn't understand, and music was just patterns. He'd always been that way but when his father had started pushing him to use his amazing number sense for the family business, John had tried to hide it as best he could.

And he still did. Every now and then he'd forget and something would pop out. It was usually McKay who caught that John had done some ridiculously quick calculation and John would have to do some fancy footwork to get McKay's mind away from what he'd done.

He finished up the classical piece and thought that would be enough. But he almost felt like he had something to prove, to himself at least. He took a deep breath and mumbled, "Okay, here's the real test. T.J., I'm gonna have you stand over here for this one," and he moved the child to the floor a few feet away.

John shook his hands out and flexed his fingers one more time. This was it! Again, his fingers moved to the keys like they were going home after a long absence. He started off a bit slower then quickly went into overdrive as 'Flight of the Bumblebee' raced across the keys and through the room.

When he was done his hands dropped to his lap and he noticed he was breathing a bit harder than usual. But he had done it with barely a mistake.

A gasp came from behind him as Julia and Dave crossed the room from the other doorway. "That was the most amazing thing I've ever seen!" Julia gushed and held her hand over her heart.

Teyla agreed. "That was truly breathtaking, John. I had not realized you possessed such talent."

John looked and saw the camera sitting inert in Teyla's lap and sighed, "You didn't have that on the whole time, did you?"

Teyla had indeed recorded the entire performance only putting it down when John had finished. But she knew how self-conscious John was and how much he hated attention drawn to himself so she prevaricated a bit, "I was so entranced by your skill, I may have accidentally stopped recording."

John looked a bit relieved and said, "That's fine, Teyla."

Torren wanted attention again so John scooped him up into his lap and allowed him to press some of the keys. Julia was still flabbergasted. "David said you could play really well, but that was … I can't even describe what that was. And you didn't even have any music in front of you for _any_ of it," she pointed out, her mouth still hanging open.

"John never needed it once he learned a piece," Dave said. "It used to amaze our piano teacher."

"You play as well?" Teyla asked Dave.

Dave chuckled, "You can't even call what I do playing, not after seeing John play. And I haven't really touched the keys in years."

John shook his head, "I've been fooling around on the piano at the rehab center for a while to improve my dexterity but I haven't done any serious playing in over ten years."

Teyla moved closer and put her hand on John's shoulder. "Then you truly have a gift, John."

"You know he's not bad on the guitar, either," Dave announced.

"_That _I have heard him play," Teyla stated. "He will sometimes play for Torren although he does not like to perform or allow other people to know of his skill."

Dave grinned, "Mom used to have to threaten him to get him in a suit and go to the yearly recital. Dad would drag him in and he'd be all rumpled by the time he showed up on stage."

"I hated those things," John declared. "Hours of listening to a bunch of kids screw up what could have been decent music."

"But then _you'd_ come on and blow them all out of the water. Me included," Dave chuckled. "I was one of those kids butchering the music."

"Yeah, you were!" John agreed.

"I'd love to hear you play more," Julia suggested. "But we really came in here to tell you dinner's ready."

John's wheelchair was brought to him and permission granted to keep the 'city' standing for now. As they all strolled toward the kitchen, John looked back at the piano and a sly grin split his face. It was really such a small thing but to him it felt like he'd just crossed one of the biggest hurdles in his path. Now he knew he was ready for the next one.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

Dinner was over, dishes were done and the 'men' had settled in the den while Julia gave Teyla some tips on cooking in the kitchen. John had commented that they were wasting their time and had gotten a dish towel to the head in response.

"You are fortunate I do not have my sticks with me for you would pay dearly if I did," Teyla had threatened and John had quickly moved away before she found something else she could use.

Now he had Torren in his lap and was reading him another in a long line of stories. They were on the couch as Dave had called 'dibs' on _his_ recliner for the night and was channel surfing.

John looked at his watch and declared, "Just about time for bed, Pal. Go get your stuff and I'll help you put your jammies on."

Torren hopped off into his room and appeared a few seconds later with his backpack. He climbed on the couch next to John who started pulling things out of the bag. The blanket and giraffe appeared followed by a pair of little pajamas and then John's brows knit together in bemusement.

"Hey, Teyla?" He called into the kitchen. She showed up in the doorway a few seconds later.

"Do you need my assistance, John?"

"No," John replied and pulled a red piece of fabric out of the bag to show her. "I'm … just wondering why my shirt is in T.J.'s bag?"

Teyla looked chagrined, leaned against the doorframe and took a deep breath. "After you left it was quite difficult getting Torren to sleep every night. So one night, in desperation, we went to your quarters and _borrowed_ that shirt. Ronon claimed it was your _scent _that soothed Torren to sleep at night so I thought perhaps something with your scent on it would help. That," she pointed to the shirt, "was in your hamper."

"If it was in my hamper, it must have had _some_ scent on it," John observed. "Did it work?"

"Yes," Teyla replied, "that and the fact that I allowed him to sleep in your bed that night. After that, the shirt was all that was needed. You are not upset?"

John smiled a sad smile and said, "Whatever you need to do to get by, Teyla, you do it. But if Torren slept in my bed all night, where …?"

"I also slept in your bed that night," Teyla filled in. "I hope you do not mind and I borrowed one of your t-shirts to sleep in as well."

John almost groaned at the image of Teyla in his bed wearing only his shirt. Teyla was still looking at him with concern so John assured her, "Teyla, it's fine. I don't mind at all. If you want, you can take a few more of my dirty shirts back with you."

He looked at Torren who was curled up next to him with his blanket, giraffe and his thumb in his mouth. "What do you think, Baby Bear? You want to take a few of my stinky shirts back home with you?"

Torren smiled around his thumb then popped it out long enough to say, "_You_ tum home!"

John sucked in a deep breath as a sharp pain lanced through his gut. John started putting Torren's pajamas on for a distraction as he answered in a voice that sounded like gravel, "I will soon. Promise."

The pajamas were on so he stood the boy up. "Time for brushing the teeth and using the bathroom."

John looked toward his wheelchair but Teyla came over and offered, "I will take him, John. It will be quicker."

They returned a few minutes later and T.J. climbed back into John's lap. John did his typical all over smooches and raspberries, eliciting squeals from Torren then pulled him close and started whispering in his ear. The magic took effect and Torren was soon asleep.

Julia watched from the doorway tilting her head at Dave. "I hope you're taking notes for when it's your turn."

Dave's eyes glimmered with mischief as he grinned, "Ha, that'll be the nanny's job."

Julia's look of outrage disappeared when she saw not only the smirk on David's face but those on John and Teyla's as well. Two could play at this game.

She moved to sit on the arm of Dave's recliner and casually commented, "A nanny, huh? Only if he's as good looking as your brother there."

That unfamiliar flare of jealousy reared its ugly head again then he saw John's eyes close in a silent chuckle. His hands reached up and grabbed his fiancée around the waist. "You are such a trouble maker. Sometimes I wonder why I put up with you."

His hands startled her and she slid backwards into Dave's lap. She immediately wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered, "Because you'd be completely lost without me."

Dave seemed to consider this for a second then pronounced, "Maybe."

"Maybe?" Julia repeated. "Well _maybe_ you'll have to find someone else to do this." And she pressed her lips against his.

Dave returned the pressure until he heard John grumble, "If you're gonna do that, at least toss the remote over here."

"No, no, no!" Julia protested and moved Dave over in the recliner so they were sitting side by side. She grabbed the remote and explained, "There's a movie on in a few minutes I want to see."

"It's not a chick flick is it?" Dave asked apprehensively.

"No!" Julia snorted. "It's got bombs and guns and all that stuff you testosterone filled men love." Then muttered under her breath, "And the leading man is gorgeous!"

Dave glared at her while John exclaimed, "Excellent!" but made sure Torren was asleep as the movie probably wasn't appropriate for a two year old. Teyla offered to take her son but John refused, "You both are only here for a few days. I've got to get my fill now."

After a few commercial breaks, John finally accepted, "Okay, I guess I should probably put him in bed now." But he was frustrated when he realized there was no way of getting in the wheelchair with T.J. in his arms.

Teyla moved closer but John suggested, "Julia, you said Dave needed practice, right?"

Dave just chuckled and lowered the recliner. "I'd be happy to help."

He reached for the boy and John lifted his arms. Teyla moved toward her room announcing, "I will turn down the covers."

Dave just stood there for a few minutes holding the child, looking down at his sleeping face wondering what had his brother so enthralled. The peaceful innocence of the slumbering boy filled Dave with a mixture of emotion that lifted his heart and made him feel good.

"This is nice! I think I get it now."

John looked up with a secret smile. "And when they're your own, it's even more amazing."

John's face fell when he realized what he'd just said so he backtracked, "I mean when you've known them since they were born and see them grow along the way." He chewed on his lip as his eyes darted over to the bedroom door to see if Teyla had heard him.

Dave carried the sleeping child into the bedroom thinking of the slip of the tongue John had just made. He wondered what Freud would think of it. He knew what he thought. John loved this kid like his own. But Dave pretty much already knew that from watching them together in the past.

Teyla thanked Dave as they got Torren settled in the bed and followed him back out to the den. Dave retook his seat sharing the recliner with Julia but Teyla noticed John had moved to the middle of the sectional and was attempting to get his legs up on the couch.

Teyla lifted his jean clad legs but confessed, "I should not have helped you since you now occupy the space where my back was resting."

John looked around and realized Teyla was correct. She'd been leaning against the cushion on his right with her legs stretched on the left side of the sectional. But if he moved to the end he wouldn't have a good view of the TV and his legs were in definite need of some elevation.

He grabbed a large throw pillow and propped it against his left side. "Here," he offered. Lean against this and you can still stretch your legs out on that side."

Teyla accepted the compromise and settled against the pillow, very aware that John's arm rested on the back of the couch just inches from her shoulder.

They continued to watch the movie and Teyla knew exactly when John fell asleep. His arm started to slide down the back of the couch toward her arm. It was not really comfortable for her at that angle so she moved it so it slanted down from her shoulder across her chest with his hand resting near hers at the waist.

She knew John was completely unaware of their position but Teyla took what pleasure she could at the contact. She occasionally noticed the eyes of Julia or Dave flick toward them but they never stayed for long.

Julia had asked her this morning about Kanaan while they were shopping. She hadn't felt right telling this woman, whom she had just met, that she and Kanaan were no more, certainly not before John knew. So she gave an ambiguous answer and quickly changed the subject.

But she liked this woman very much. She was honest and intelligent and had been extremely helpful in assisting Teyla navigate the stores. And she had spoken of John and how much she was growing to love this brother of her intended.

Teyla knew this was not a difficult thing. John was very easy to love. She had been doing it for many years. _Loving John for many years!_ Had she just admitted that to herself for the first time? She always knew _of_ her deep feelings for John but she'd never put them into words, even in her mind.

But now she had to admit to herself she was _in_ love with John Sheppard. She had been in love with him for many years; perhaps even from the first time they had met. He had spoken to her with respect and dignity and a trace of humor, even though his superior did not approve.

She did not like to speak ill of the dead but Colonel Sumner had not made a good first impression and she had been more than happy to send them on their way. That is until John had stepped forward, with his unkempt hair and charming grin, and started speaking of things she had no knowledge of. But he had intrigued her, enough to offer them morning tea.

John had turned the charm smile up a notch as he told them he loved a good cup of tea, they were almost friends already.

Teyla leaned into John's arm as she came back to the present. Once she told John about Kanaan she hoped things could proceed between the two of them. But somewhere in the back of her mind was a fear that their relationship would just remain the same. They had gone years _before_ Kanaan where John had not 'made a move' so why did she think he would now.

She knew on Atlantis it was a difficult situation as she was a member of John's team. She understood that was probably a large part of why he had never attempted anything more than friendship.

But in the last year or so of John assisting with Torren, she had felt a subtle shift in him. But now the presence of Kanaan stood in the way. And John was too good a man to interfere in what he thought was a serious relationship.

Even though it had not been much more than a day that she had been on Earth with John, she sensed a difference. Perhaps it was because all the typical dangers were not present or because Woolsey, Landry or the IOA were not here to tell him what to do or maybe it was because he was no longer officially her superior, but there _was_ a change in him.

The professional curtain had been pulled back a bit and she was being exposed to what was behind it. Unfortunately she only had a few days left to pull the curtain completely down before she was millions of light years away again. She needed to tell him about Kanaan, that was the first step. Maybe she would enlist Julia's assistance in providing her and John some time alone.

She closed her eyes, leaning further into John's arm and playing in her mind what she would say to him if she got the chance tomorrow.

When the movie ended Teyla reluctantly removed John's arm and turned to face him. "John," she called softly as she shook his shoulder. Nothing happened so she placed both hands on his chest and leaned in closer.

"John, wake up!" His eyes flew open and his hands grabbed her upper arms.

"What!" he yelled and pulled Teyla closer before he'd fully woken up.

"Down boy!" Dave joked. "She's just trying to tell you it's time for bed. Although you've been out for almost an hour so I guess you already knew that. Do you need any help?"

John shook his head to clear it and said, "No, I'm all set."

Dave and Julia headed upstairs saying good night as they left.

"If you let go, I will get your wheelchair for you," Teyla instructed. John loosened his grip but didn't release her arms. He liked her up close like this, her hands resting on his chest. She was so close he figured that if he moved his head even slightly he could probably touch her lips with his.

What would she do if he actually kissed her? Their first, and only, kiss hadn't exactly been a success. But then his DNA had been mutating and he hadn't been himself. But if he was being honest, the DNA mutation hadn't made him feel differently about Teyla, it had just loosened up his inhibitions and encouraged his libido to act. It had removed the tight control he usually had on his emotions and actions.

But they had decided not to speak of it again. That didn't mean he couldn't remember what her lips had felt like under his, the taste of them, and her, in his mouth and on his tongue.

He continued to stare at her lips until she questioned, "John, are you all right?"

He blinked his eyes a few times as if waking from a dream and assured her, "Yeah, fine. Sorry, still fuzzy from sleeping I guess."

Teyla brought over his wheelchair and asked if they should practice standing. He nodded and he enjoyed another few moments with her arms around his waist and his hands on her shoulders. Once in his room, they practiced again and he realized that holding Teyla was great motivation.

He almost forgot that his legs weren't strong enough to hold him up yet. He leaned on her a bit more as the seconds passed and her arms moved more securely around his back.

"You are doing wonderful, John!" Teyla praised as several more seconds ticked by. But even motivation wasn't enough for the weakened muscles in his legs to continue holding him, albeit, with help.

He felt his legs begin to give out and reflexively he held on tighter to Teyla. The result being John lying on his back on the bed and Teyla sprawled across him.

"Sorry," John choked out. "Guess I forgot I couldn't actually stand for a second there."

"Do not worry about it, John," Teyla reassured him as she reluctantly straightened up from her prone position. "I will say good night as well unless you need me for something else."

_I need you for a lot of things_, John thought but answered, "I'm all set, Teyla, thanks. Good night!"

He pushed himself to his elbows as Teyla closed the door behind her. That's when he realized his pajama pants were in the dresser across the room. He looked at the wheelchair next to the bed but knew he didn't have the energy to get into it, roll to the dresser, and then get out again.

He unbuttoned and removed his shirt, pulled off his jeans and threw them both onto the wheelchair. He slid under the covers and shut the light off, drifting quickly back into slumber.

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"Papa Bear?"

The softly whispered words permeated John's brain and he slowly opened his eyes. It took a second for them to adjust to the darkness but when they did he realized his door was open a bit and he could see muted light from the hallway. _Bathroom light, maybe?_

Then he heard it again, a little whimper and a whispered, "Papa Bear?"

His eyes adjusted more to the darkness and he recognized a little head resting on little arms on the edge of the bed.

"T.J.?" John checked and saw the little head move. "Hey, Baby Bear, are you all right? What's the matter?"

"I seep with you?" the little voice whined.

John pushed up on his elbows and leaned toward the boy. He reached out and managed to pull the child onto the bed next to him. The boy crawled closer and leaned right into John's chest. John's heart did a tiny flip like it always did when T.J. snuggled up in his arms, putting his complete trust in him.

"Hey, Pal, does your Mom know you're here? Of course she doesn't, it's the middle of the night."

John figured he had a few options. He could get in his wheelchair and roll Torren back to his room. Although he was pretty sure the kid would put up a fuss and end up waking Teyla. And then he might try to come over here again later anyway. But getting in and out of his wheelchair really wasn't an easy job, especially when you're half asleep.

The second option would be to yell for Teyla until she woke up and came and got T.J. But who knew how deeply Teyla slept and even though Dave and Julia were upstairs in another part of the house, he didn't want to chance waking them.

The third option was to just let the kid sleep here for the rest of the night. His door was open so when Teyla woke up and realized Torren was missing, she could see right in here and see that he was fine. Personally he liked option three, especially since it meant that he didn't really need to do anything.

He pulled the covers down a bit and said, "Crawl under," and Torren willingly obliged then settled himself back in the crook of John's arm. John pulled the covers back up and wrapped his arms more firmly around the child.

A mumbled and sleepy, "Luh you, Papa Bear," floated up to his ears.

John closed his eyes and whispered back, "I love you too, Baby Bear."

He knew he shouldn't get too used to this. Torren and Teyla only had a few more days left here and then they'd be gone, a few million light years away. And he knew he still had quite a bit of time here in rehab before he'd be ready for active duty and able to get back to Atlantis.

He held Torren close, trying to absorb as much of him as he could. Whatever he could get this weekend was going to have to last him a very long time.

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Teyla's eyes fluttered open as the rays of the sun streamed through the windows to kiss her cheek. As she stretched her arms over her head, she noticed the covers next to her were pulled down and the bed empty.

She quickly sat up and called quietly, "Torren?"

The clock on the bedside table read 7:40 a.m. Torren and John must already be up, probably watching some show for children. She got out of bed and smiled at the thought then frowned when she heard no sound coming through the opened doorway.

She walked into the hallway and saw John's door was open somewhat but the quick peek revealed no movement and John's form still under the covers.

She moved through the den and into another hallway and headed for the large room the 'boys' had been building their 'city' in. It was empty as well. She made her way back through the house where she found Julia dressed and pulling pans out of the cabinet.

"Have you seen Torren?" Teyla asked concern in her voice. "He was gone when I awoke a short while ago."

"No, I haven't," Julia answered. "Isn't he with John?"

"John is still asleep."

"And T.J.'s not with him?" Julia questioned.

"I did not see …" Teyla began then closed her eyes for a brief moment. A relieved sigh escaped her lips and she said, "That is exactly where he is."

She turned and gave a smile to Julia then moved toward John's room. She pushed his door open a little more and padded softly to the side of the bed where, she indeed, found her son.

He was lying with his head on John's chest, his hand tangled in the dog tags and his eyes were wide open. She sat next to him on the bed and he whispered, "Hi Mama."

"Good morning," Teyla uttered quietly. "You frightened me. I did not know where you were."

His eyes flicked toward her but his position didn't move. "I seep here, Mama."

Teyla just shook her head and rubbed her son's back. She could not be angry at him for wanting the comfort of John's arms. She had sought them out on occasion herself.

And she could sense the uncertainty in Torren in regard to John. The fear that John would go away again was prominent in the back of her son's mind and she wondered if he could sense that from her.

John's right arm was wrapped around Torren's back but his left arm was above his head and his eyes remained closed, his breathing even and rhythmic.

"We should let Uncle John rest," Teyla whispered and reached out to untangle her son's hand from John's dog tags. Torren's grasp of them was firm and both hands were needed to disengage his grip.

Once free, her left hand held Torren's and her right rested on John's chest with the dog tags still in them. She looked down at them resting in the sprinkling of hair but didn't move her hand away. Her hand longed to flatten out and explore the soft fur as it arrowed down his abdomen and encircled his navel. It disappeared under the covers and Teyla didn't dare let her imagination drift any further. Her hand moved of its own accord and fingered the dog tags again until a voice made her jump.

"You okay, Teyla?"

Teyla snatched her hand away and saw that John's eyes were open.

"John," Teyla startled. "I did not realize you were awake."

John moved his hand to lightly grasp Teyla's arm. "You looked a little out of it for a second."

Teyla smiled and said, "I was trying to remove Torren without waking you."

John looked at the clock and exclaimed, "Wow, it's late! I guess I'm not used to staying up much past 7:30 lately. And Torren woke me up in the middle of the night. I didn't think I could get him back over to your room very easily so I just let him sleep here. Sorry!"

"It is fine, John. I was concerned at first but then I sensed where he was."

John's eyes narrowed as he pushed himself into a sitting position. "How do you sense _where_ he is?"

Teyla held her breath as the sheet slid lower until she noticed the waistband of his boxer shorts peeking out. She released the breath and answered, "He was feeling safe and comforted and very loved. That is the feeling he always has when he is with you."

It was John's turn to let out a breath. "That's uh …that's nice." He looked at Teyla's face and held her gaze. A soft knock on the open door interrupted the moment.

"John, you're awake," Julia noted. "Good! Pancakes will be ready in about five minutes," and she walked away from the door.

"Pantates!" Torren yelled and bounced on the bed between the two adults.

"Yes," Teyla responded, "and you should get dressed first."

"Otay, Mama," and the boy jumped off the bed and ran across the hall.

"I will allow you to get ready as well," Teyla addressed John.

"I won't make it in five minutes," John frowned. "Make sure to save me some though."

"Why …?" Teyla began and John finished, "It'll take me more than five minutes just to get my clothes out of the dresser. And then … trying to get pants on when your legs don't move and you can't stand up … that's a bit time consuming as well."

John lifted the sheet briefly, "And I can't very well go like this now, can I?"

Teyla stood up and claimed, "I will assist you. Where are the clothes you require?"

"Okay," John scooted closer to the edge of the bed and pointed, "Uh, top drawer, I need a clean pair of shorts and I can just wear these jeans again," as he grabbed the faded ones that were hanging on his wheelchair.

Teyla removed a pair of boxer shorts from the dresser and tossed them next to John on the bed. "You have one minute to change those while I make sure Torren is sufficiently clothed then I will return to assist you with the rest."

John's eyes darted nervously toward her as he stuttered, "Uh …Teyla, …I uh … I'm not …"

"Did Helen and Lisa not assist you in these tasks while you stayed at the center?" Teyla questioned in a no-nonsense tone.

"Well, yeah," John replied.

"Then think of my assistance as you would theirs."

"Okay," John slowly responded, still unsure about this plan. Sure Helen and Lisa had helped him many times but they'd never been the subject of his daydreams before.

Teyla walked out and closed the door and John realized he needed to put on the clean boxers before she came back. He had just barely gotten them up over his hips when Teyla knocked, walked back in and closed the door behind her.

She stood in front of John and picked up his jeans. "What is the best way to approach this?"

John moved so his legs hung over the edge of the bed but was still self conscious that he was sitting here in only his underwear. "Getting the pants over the feet and up the legs is easy enough; it's the thighs and hips I have a hard time with. I have to do it while I'm lying on my back. Not the easiest thing to do, especially when nothing moves down there."

"I can imagine," Teyla sympathized. "But you can stand for a short time now," she pointed out.

"But not by myself," John countered.

"What if you hold onto me while I pull them up?"

John looked thoughtful for a second and said, "That might work."

Teyla bent down and she and John got the jeans up to his knees. "I will help you stand. Hold tight to me and I will raise the pants as quickly as I can."

John just nodded and put his hands on Teyla's shoulders. She put one arm around him but kept the other on the jeans. They got John standing but when she let go to lift the jeans she felt more of John's weight settle on her.

She tugged quickly but at John's indrawn breath of, "Teyla!" she realized she had to pull them out a bit more in the front to accommodate part of John's anatomy. She got them all the way up and was about to button them when John informed her, "Going down!"

She quickly wrapped her arms around his waist and guided him back to sitting on the edge of the bed. She straightened up as John grimaced facetiously, "Now that wasn't _too_ embarrassing." They looked at each other and both burst out laughing.

John leaned back to zip and button the pants then reached forward to snatch Teyla's hand and pulled her to stand close in front of him. "Thanks," he made a face. "Not very graceful but definitely quicker."

"What else do you require?" Teyla questioned.

"I can do the shirt once I'm in the chair. The pants are the real bitch to put on."

"Then I also need to change so _**I**_ will not miss the pancakes."

John continued holding one hand but moved his other to the infamous tie on her pajamas.

"You know … I should repay the debt and help _you_ change," he said and the twinkle in his eyes started to grow.

He started tugging lightly on the end of the thin cord. "I happen to have extensive experience with knots. This one in particular."

Teyla watched mesmerized as his hand continued to draw the cord toward him until the bow disappeared. John also appeared entranced as the initial cross started to loosen.

Julia's voice yelling, "Breakfast!" had John dropping the tie and Teyla taking a step back, both breathing heavier.

"Perhaps you will need to _assist_ me another time," Teyla panted.

John glanced almost painfully up at Teyla and rasped, "Promise."

She gave a confused nod and said shakily, "I will meet you in the kitchen shortly."

She walked across the hall not bothering to close John's door. He figured it didn't matter considering what they had just done. He moved to his wheelchair, grabbed a navy blue polo shirt from his drawer and started rolling toward the kitchen, hoping the pancakes were worth it.

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John and Torren spent much of the morning working in the 'city'. They'd even managed to get Dave involved. The ladies had made a quick run to the grocery store and then started working on pies to take to Julia's parent's house for Easter dinner.

Lunch was outdoors on the patio in recognition of the beautiful day. Teyla was just coming to sit down after moving John's wheelchair out of the way.

"Why is it you always move to a different seat?" Teyla inquired. "Would it not be easier to simply wheel the chair up to the table?"

Dave chuckled. "John thinks the wheelchair is a deterrent for picking up girls."

John's laugh came out deep and low. "Oh, yeah, I can picture that conversation now. 'Hey Babe, I spend all day in rehab trying to get useless legs to move and then go home to live with my brother. You interested?' Chicks will really fall for that one."

He laughed again then looked at Teyla. "Truthfully, my butt gets sore if I sit in that thing too long. And I really _hate_ looking like a damned cripple. Just a little bit of denial, I guess."

"John, you're making incredible progress every day," Julia emphasized. "And I know you'll continue until that chair isn't needed anymore."

"I, too, have faith in your ability to fully recover. You have a strength and willpower that many do not possess. You must be patient," Teyla encouraged.

John took a deep breath and said, "I'm trying."

The conversation turned to Easter plans and wedding plans and other general topics. Teyla listened quietly as Julia and Dave had a conversation about some work related subject. She chuckled when she compared it to the in-depth conversation John was having with Torren about putting potato chips _inside_ the sandwich to make it crunchy.

She closed her eyes and reveled in the emotion she felt coming from the two people most important in her life. As a smile lit up her face, Julia looked quizzically at Teyla.

"Teyla, can I ask you something? And you can tell me if I'm being ridiculous."

Teyla looked at Julia and said, "Of course."

"This morning when you were worried about where Torren was and I suggested he might be with John, you closed your eyes then looked relieved like you all of a sudden knew. And the other day you did it also when you claimed that both John and Torren were already asleep. Just now you closed your eyes and looked…I don't know how to describe it but you got a big smile on your face."

John leaned over near Teyla and stage whispered, "They figured out your secret."

Teyla threw John an annoyed look and swatted at his hand. He pulled back and chuckled while Julia's eyes got wider. "Was I right?"

John and Teyla looked at each other, nodded and John grinned, "Teyla's part Wraith."

This time Dave _and_ Julia's eyes got wider.

Teyla rolled her eyes at John and explained, "Just as John possesses the genes and DNA of the Ancestors who inhabited this planet many thousands of years ago, Wraith DNA was introduced into _my_ lineage _many_ generations ago. But it is also rare, even amongst my people."

"But it means she can do some pretty cool stuff," John said.

"Yes, as you have the ability to manipulate Ancient Technology with your mind," Teyla reminded him.

John's eyes lit up. "Hey, Dave can do it, too. He accidentally brought home an LSD Rodney was working on and managed to get it working pretty well."

"So, what can you do?" Julia segued back to the original question and Teyla explained, "I can simply sense Torren's feelings."

"Wraith can do that?" Julia asked alarmed.

John answered, "Regular Wraith can just make you think they're closer than they really are, make you see things that aren't there. It's to make you run toward them or give away your position if you're hiding. Now the Wraith Queens … that's another story."

And the look on John's face told exactly how he felt about Wraith Queens. "They can get _inside_ your head and pull out information you'd rather not tell them."

Teyla raised one eyebrow and cryptically informed them, "Unless, of course, you are John Sheppard."

At Dave and Julia's puzzled glances, John said, "I've run into more than my share of Wraith Queens in the past six years."

Teyla gave a wry smile as she went on, "And John has successfully resisted their probes on each occasion."

John gave a snort. "Frustrated the hell out of a few of them, too."

"Must have been all that practice you got as a teenager evading Dad's questioning techniques," Dave quipped. "And you left him frustrated most of the time, too."

Julia still had questions. "So Teyla …"

Teyla knew she needed to give Julia a bit more detail. "Wraith can communicate with each other non-verbally when they are in close proximity. I have the ability to get inside a Wraith mind as well."

"It's come in handy a few times, let me tell you," interjected John.

"Torren possesses Wraith DNA as well, allowing me to _sense _his emotions."

"So you knew he was with John by how he was feeling?"

Teyla nodded and smiled simply, "He was feeling safe and loved."

Dave now was curious. "Can you sense _anyone's_ feelings?"

"No," Teyla denied, "Only those who have had Wraith DNA in them."

"So how did you know _John_ was asleep the other night?" Julia asked.

John's eyes narrowed and he looked thoughtful. "Yeah, how did you know I was asleep?" He stared at Teyla for a few seconds until she dropped her eyes.

His grew more intense and he leaned in closer. "Was McKay right a few months ago when he asked about that … bug protein stuff I've got?"

Teyla took a deep breath, reached over for John's hand, looked up into his eyes and answered, "Yes."

John's face grew hard and he leaned back but Teyla kept a strong hold on his hand.

"I assure you, John, I do not sense your feelings very often. It demands much concentration and I have no desire to invade your privacy. There have been a few times, however, when your feelings have been so intense I have sensed them without meaning to."

"When?" John's face was still stony.

"When you rescued me from Michael."

John's eyes moved up in recollection and he said, "You know I heard you call my name even before I opened the door. I figured you were just guessing."

"I felt your presence," Teyla acknowledged. "And your desperation echoed my own."

John's face softened slightly but he still held Teyla's gaze.

"I know you guys are having a _moment_ here," Dave interrupted, "But how is it you can sense _John_? He doesn't have Wraith DNA."

John closed his eyes and took a deep breath wondering how he could avoid this conversation. It was bad enough he'd just found out Teyla could sense his emotions. Okay, she said she rarely did it and knowing Teyla to be the decent and honest person that she was, he believed her. And felt a little relief at that.

But now he needed to reveal probably the most humiliating experience he'd lived through. And he almost hadn't. Lived through it.

He and Teyla looked at each other and John figured Teyla might be the better one to tell the story. He lifted his chin at her and she nodded in acknowledgement.

"Simply put, John was attacked by a Wraith who had been infected with an early version of a retrovirus one of our doctors was working on. John became infected and even though a cure was eventually found and John was restored to his former self, he still retains a protein marker from the ordeal."

John nodded thinking_; Yup Teyla's explanation was much better than mine would have been._

But then Dave questioned, "What do you mean restored to his former self?"

John's eyes narrowed and he blurted, "I mutated into a bug!"

Dave and Julia looked horrified and Teyla gave a quick explanation of the relationship between the Iratus bug and the Wraith and how John's DNA had started changing him.

"Blue skin, scales," he informed them, "Not my finest moment. We may want to leave this tidbit of information out of the conversation at your parent's house tomorrow."

"Yeah," Julia said slowly, "That might be a very good idea, John."

"Just remember, Julia," John reminded her, "You're the one who asked. And before you ask any more questions, let me just say that's probably more than enough information for one day."

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	10. Chapter 10

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"That one looks like a dog," John pointed his finger up into the sky at the clouds as he and Torren lay on their backs on the large expanse of lawn past the pool. "See the ears and the tail."

Torren sat up and rested his hands on John's chest. "What a dod?"

"It's an animal that people have for a pet. Like that book we read about Clifford. Only the clouds are white not red, so it can't be Clifford."

"Otay," Torren answered although John wasn't sure if the kid really understood what he was saying. They had both taken a short nap and had decided to slowly wake up by looking at the clouds that were floating by in the large, blue ocean of sky.

"You know what?" John snapped up on his elbows. "We should get _you_ a dog!"

"Lite dat?" Torren pointed to the cloud.

"No, a real dog." John looked over at Teyla who was just approaching from the house.

"Hey, Teyla, what do you think about getting Torren a dog?" John's eyes were lit up like fireworks.

"A dog?" Teyla questioned. "That is one of those creatures your people keep as pets. I have seen them in many of the movies we have watched. But what would we do with one and where would we keep it?"

"You play with it," John informed her. "And we could get a real big one and train it to kill Wraith!"

"Would the Wraith not just stun it as they do us?" Teyla asked. "The care and feeding of this creature would also be time consuming would it not? And require space in our quarters?"

"All right," John conceded. "Maybe it's not the most sensible idea. Still, I just think a kid should have a dog."

"Did you have one as a child?"

"We had two," Dave joined in as he and Julia made their way to the grassy area as well. Dave was carrying a large plastic ball and Julia had Teyla's video camera.

"All right, you got one!" John exclaimed as Dave threw the ball to him. "This is something else every kid needs to have, a ball. You ready, T.J.?"

John threw the ball a short distance away and Torren ran to get it. He brought it back to John saying, "Aden!"

John tossed the ball again, this time telling Dave, "Show T.J. how to kick it back."

Dave moved over to Torren and modeled running up to the ball and kicking it. Torren looked at him wide-eyed, ran up to the ball and missed, falling onto his bottom.

Dave decided he'd try another method. He grabbed Torren under the arms, swung him between his legs and then swung him back out so his legs connected with the ball, sending it flying over John's head.

John clapped and cheered and Teyla ran behind John to get the ball. She dropped it back in John's lap where he rolled it in T.J. and Dave's direction again.

After Dave helped Torren kick it again a few times they backed up and Dave said, "Let's see if we can send it straight to Uncle John. We need to kick it softer."

This time Dave didn't swing the boy as hard but _Torren_ had gotten the swing of things, literally, and used his momentum to send the ball well over John's head again.

"I think he's gonna play soccer," John noted, cheering him on again.

But Dave was looking for a way to get John more personally involved. He hated seeing him just sitting there unable to fully participate.

"John, make a goal with your legs and we'll practice kicking it in there."

John needed to physically move the legs with his hands but he got them in a big V. John patted the grass in front of him and called out, "Okay, Pal. I need you to kick it right here."

This time Dave barely lifted Torren off the ground when he kicked and the ball rolled right between John's legs.

"Perfect! See if you can do it again, Pal!" John encouraged.

Teyla came to sit behind John's shoulder and cheer her son on as well. Dave started showing Torren how to run and move the ball at the same time. The child's little legs kept kicking the ball all over the place which kept him running left and right as well as towards John.

"Come on, right here!" John called again patting the grass in front of him.

Torren managed to get the ball about five feet in front of John and he gave another big kick. The ball flew up toward John's face making John lean back to catch it. In doing so he fell right onto Teyla who also ended up on her back.

T.J. decided he needed to get into the action and he launched himself in the direction of the two adults lying in the grass. John just got his arms up in time to slow the boy's descent onto his chest.

After a few moments of laughter, Teyla broke in, "Excuse me, you two, but Mama Bear is getting severely squashed by Papa and Baby Bear."

John had been enjoying the feel of Teyla's softness underneath his back, especially since her arms had gone around him defensively when they'd started to fall. But all good things must come to an end.

He started to sit up and put Torren in Teyla's lap while he twisted around to help her sit back up. Once up with Teyla beside him and Torren spread between both their laps, John noticed Julia with the video camera focused on them.

"So, do we get on Funniest Home Videos?"

Julia had enjoyed being a spectator during these games. She'd recorded some of the better action and had really enjoyed seeing David interact with Torren. She chuckled. _There was hope for him yet_.

But she absolutely loved watching John with Teyla and T.J. They relished every moment they had with each other. But she knew they were well aware how few moments that would be.

She ran the tape back a bit, stopping at a few different frames. Here was one that would rival any portrait photographer around. It almost looked posed. John had his arm around Teyla and T.J. was in Teyla's lap. They were pretty much looking in Julia's direction. John's sunglasses had fallen off during the tussle so you could see the amusement in his eyes. And Teyla and Torren were beaming with pleasure as well.

They almost looked like they had dressed for a photo shoot, too. John and T.J. were wearing similar outfits of jeans and navy blue shirts. Teyla was also wearing jeans but in contrast had on a white peasant style blouse, and one shoulder had slipped down slightly. Julia figured if she had the chance, she might use this so John would have a reminder picture for the rest of his stay.

When she looked back up, the ball was being kicked around, this time by Teyla as well as Torren and David. Teyla was attempting to kick the ball or get her son to kick the ball so it landed in John's reach. He didn't seem to mind pulling himself a few inches but more than that was not feasible.

Torren didn't quite understand the concept of keeping it close enough to John, so often Teyla would find herself fetching it if it went too far. Teyla watched as her son kicked the ball and saw it move slightly behind John. She waited to see if John could reach it as it rolled.

He twisted his body to follow the path of the ball and as he did his left knee moved toward his upper body, he got a grip on the grass with his foot and he pushed himself enough to grab the ball.

Teyla quickly ran over to him as he turned back in their direction. "John, are you aware that you just moved your leg to get closer to the ball?"

John looked at the still bent knee and his eyes grew confused. "Did _**I**_ do that?"

Julia and Dave seemed to have noticed his movement as well and both came to sit near him.

"Not sure I can do that again, though," John confided. He looked at his leg and his face became strained. But while they watched, the leg moved. It was only an inch or two, but it moved.

"Okay, you all saw that, too, right? I didn't just imagine it?" John's face beamed.

Dave slapped him on the back and grinned from ear to ear. "We saw it, John. Nice work!"

"And I got the first one on tape," Julia gloated. She played it back for John whose face was a blend of emotions.

Teyla put one hand on John's leg and grasped his hand with the other. "See, John, you are improving every minute of each day."

"Must be you and T.J. here. I guess you'll both just have to stay until I'm completely better," John joked, though everyone present knew he'd like nothing more.

Dave pulled Torren toward him saying, "I've got an idea. How about if Julia and I take T.J. to see the horses up close? We could even go for a little ride up behind the house."

John nodded, "That's a great idea! I think he'd love it. Teyla, you should go with them."

Teyla's eyes filled with alarm. "I do not feel the need to see those creatures any closer than they are now. They are quite beautiful but I believe I shall stay here. Perhaps another time."

John gave a low chuckle. "You're not afraid are you, Teyla?"

"Of course not," she replied and told Torren where he would be going. The boy was thrilled and took off in the direction of the fence.

Dave grabbed him before he'd run two yards and turned back toward John. "I'll take good care of him, I promise."

"You'd better," John threatened.

Julia followed behind the two 'boys' as they headed for the barn.

As soon as they'd disappeared, John flopped onto his back and tugged Teyla down next to him.

"More cloud watching," John explained as he put his sunglasses back on.

"And what is the purpose behind this?" Teyla wondered as her eyes also looked to the sky.

"It's just relaxing. And you can see shapes and images in the clouds. See up there," John pointed to a large cluster. "That looks like McKay and Zalenka fighting over a ZPM."

Teyla giggled, "You have a very active imagination, John."

"Okay, something simpler then. Look, a rabbit," he pointed in another direction. "Hey maybe it's the Easter Bunny."

Teyla leaned up on one elbow. "I still do not understand this holiday you are celebrating tomorrow and why it involves a small fluffy creature."

John's laugh was deep and low. "I'll give you a religion lesson after T.J. goes to bed. For right now we're just relaxing. See what you can find in the clouds. It's fun!"

Teyla looked critically at the clouds but was truly trying to broach the subject she'd wanted to talk to John about for a while. Why was she so nervous? This was John whom she trusted above all others. But would his reaction be what she hoped for?

"I believe _that_ cloud could be a dog. Perhaps we could provide Torren with that one," Teyla said.

"That cloud's pretty big," John noted. "You're right; it probably wouldn't fit in your quarters. Unless you squished it all together. But then I'm pretty sure it wouldn't look like a dog anymore."

"True," Teyla agreed, "however our new quarters are so much more spacious; we could perhaps fit a smaller cloud."

John popped up and addressed Teyla, "So Lorne _did_ manage to get you into larger space. Where is it?"

"It is near the Northern Pier. Only a few of the units are occupied at the moment. But we are high enough up to have an unobstructed view of the ocean and there is a balcony in which I can observe the sun setting each evening."

"Sounds great!" John commented. "And T.J.'s got his own room?"

"Yes," Teyla answered. "There are two very large bedrooms and another room should we require additional space in the future."

John thought about why they might need more room and only one thing came to mind.

"Are you and Kanaan thinking along the lines of expanding the family any time soon?"

John had a hard enough time dealing with the thought of Teyla accidentally getting pregnant but the thought that she and Kanaan would … _Okay, don't go there_. And what would another child mean to his relationship with T.J.? John started getting a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach.

Teyla shook her head. "No, Kanaan will not be living in our new quarters with us."

His stomach felt better but he was still very confused and it showed on his face. "He won't?" John clarified. "Why?"

Teyla adjusted her position so she was facing John. "Kanaan will no longer be coming to visit us in Atlantis."

"What!" John growled. "Does he expect you to go and stay with him in the Athosian village?" That would be even worse than having him there with Teyla. He'd never see T.J.

"No," Teyla replied and she could see John's confusion so clearly in his eyes.

"Kanaan has been quite occupied with a group of Pangorans. He will be spending much of his time on their world."

"Just leaving you and Torren to fend for yourselves," John said angrily.

"I have been taking care of myself for many cycles, John," Teyla asserted. "I am perfectly capable of continuing to do so."

"I know you are, Teyla," John conceded. "You're one of the strongest women I know, physically _and_ emotionally. I just …"

"I know, John," Teyla said patting his hand which was resting on his knee. "But Kanaan and I discussed this in depth. We have come to a mutual decision to free ourselves of any obligation we have to the other."

"Which means exactly…?"

Teyla translated, "Jennifer would say we … broke up."

John felt a leap of hope inside but he didn't dare assume anything too quickly. "So you and Kanaan …?"

He was sounding quite obtuse but he needed to be sure.

"Are no longer together," Teyla finished. "But the truth is that Kanaan and I have not been _together_ in quite some time."

"You haven't?" John asked, not exactly sure what he was asking.

Teyla shook her head. John took a deep breath and reached for both of Teyla's hands. "I'm really sorry, Teyla. Are you all right?"

"I am fine, John. I assure you. Kanaan and I …" she paused and regrouped her thoughts for a more detailed explanation. "When Torren was conceived, Kanaan and I were briefly under the illusion that our longtime friendship could be something much more. Then he was taken by Michael. After Torren was born and Kanaan returned to his former health, I expected those feelings to return. They did not."

"I thought perhaps my feelings toward Michael were transferring to my feelings toward Kanaan. Many days went by however and my feelings did not change. But Kanaan is the father of my son so I clung to the hope that eventually things would feel right. Kanaan and I spoke over a month ago and both admitted to holding onto the relationship for the sake of Torren. We both know now that we were not meant to be more than the friends we originated as."

John gripped Teyla's hands tighter as he moved his face closer to hers. "And you're sure you're okay?" John checked again, concern etched on his features.

Teyla gave a simple nod. Then John tilted his head and questioned, "So what does Kanaan plan on doing about Torren?"

"We both are aware that Kanaan has not been the most … solicitous of parents. However, he will make arrangements through Halling to spend time with him on occasion. I do believe at the present he is more occupied with … newer relationships."

It took John a second but what Teyla said finally sunk in. "Wait!" John was angry again. "Are you telling me the bastard cheated on you?"

"John," Teyla tried to appease him but he continued the rant. "No! I don't care that your relationship wasn't ideal. That slimy piece of … You _end_ one relationship _before_ you begin a new one."

John sucked in a huge breath and said, "You know it's a good thing I'm not in Pegasus right now because …" but he left unspoken his thoughts on what he would have done to Kanaan. He figured Teyla was upset enough.

He looked up at the concern on Teyla's face and felt a surge of over protectiveness rush through him. "Come here," he said softly and grabbed her around the waist and pulled her so she was sitting with her back to his chest. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and rested his face in the crook of her neck.

"I'm sorry that you had to go through all of that, Teyla. I don't like it when people I care about are hurt."

Teyla was about to reassure John again that she was fine but the warmth of his arms around her gave her a sense of comfort that she had not felt in a long time. And she realized the situation with Kanaan _had_ caused her distress. She knew the distress was more because it kept her from having a relationship with John and not because she still had a desire for Kanaan.

She leaned back more comfortably in John's arms and responded softly, "Thank you, John. I know I can always count on you."

"You're welcome," John replied feeling for the first time that his arms around her were not violating any moral code of ethics he carried with him. Not that he planned on lowering her to the ground and making mad passionate love to her. It was tempting but making a move on a girl who just broke up with someone was so _not _cool.

And how much could he do with immobile legs? And he wasn't sure what else 'down there' didn't work. He'd never actually tested that out.

Plus, even if things did work, Dave would probably freak at him 'doing it' in view of any stable hands who might be around. Yeah, just sitting here with Teyla in his arms, her head resting on his shoulder was absolutely perfect for right now.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxoxo

.

"Hey!" Dave greeted as he walked out on the patio and stood next to John. The ball playing and horseback riding had been so exciting that Torren had conked out a good half hour earlier than usual.

The ladies were in the kitchen, Julia trying diligently to help Teyla with her cooking skills. John had put Torren in bed and rolled outside to watch the sunset. The sky was streaked with reds and violets and John could tell tomorrow would be beautiful, but hot.

John looked up at his brother and returned the greeting. "You guys got the goods for T.J.'s Easter basket right?"

Dave nodded, leaned on the patio railing and gazed up at the colors twisting across the sky. The men watched silently as the molten ball kissed the horizon and slowly started to disappear.

When the last of the sun had vanished, Dave turned his head slightly toward his brother. "Everything okay, John?"

John nodded questioningly. "Yeah."

"It's just that Teyla asked Julia if we could keep T.J. busy for a while this afternoon while you two talked. Just wanted to make sure it wasn't bad news."

John chuckled quietly and his face broke into a grin. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath and shook his head. When he opened his eyes they were sparkling and the grin had grown a bit bigger.

"You want to share with the class or is it a private matter?" Dave quizzed.

John looked at his brother and tried to still the silly smirk he knew was plastered across his face. He tried several times for a serious tone but he was so thrilled by the news she'd given him, he found it quite difficult.

When he thought about how Teyla must feel though, he sobered up enough to finally speak. "Apparently Teyla and Kanaan have decided to call it quits."

Dave's eyes grew curious. "Really, when did this happen?"

"Teyla says they made it official about a month ago. But according to her, there wasn't really anything _to _quit and there hadn't been for quite some time. She may even have implied that their feelings were never really as serious as they thought."

"Of course not, John," Dave snorted. "She's in love with _you_!"

John started shaking his head saying, "I … I don't know Dave."

Dave leaned against the railing and chuckled. "I've seen the way she looks at you, John. Her feelings are certainly not indifferent. The question is; what are you planning to do about it?"

John looked horrified and said, "Uh … nothing right now. She _just_ told me. Making a move on her now would just be … icky."

Dave laughed. "You know John, for someone as smart as you are, your vocabulary sure could use some work; icky?"

"You know what I mean," John scolded. "They _just_ broke up!"

"A month ago," Dave reminded him.

"_**I**_ just found out today," John stressed. "I need time to … you know … process. And then figure out … what the hell I need to do about it.

Dave shook his head in wonder. "How in the world did you ever ask Nancy to marry you?"

"Well, as I recall," John started snidely, "we'd just had some really great sex and I made some comment about it being nice if we could do this every day. It just seemed to snowball from there."

Dave closed his eyes and laughed. "You really are hopeless, you know that, John."

John scowled a bit and said, "Well, how'd you ask Julia to marry _you_?"

Dave crossed his arms still leaning against the railing. "Well, as I recall we'd just had some really great sex and …"

John's arm rose up and smacked his brother then his head dropped and he burst out laughing, Dave joining in a second later.

It took a few minutes for the laughter to subside but when it did, Dave looked seriously at John. "You know, John, not that I would ever wish this on you," and Dave pointed to his wheelchair, "but I'm really glad we have a chance to spend some time together. It's been kind of fun."

John's serious eyes looked up at his brother and he said, "Yeah, me too. And I want to thank you for all you've been doing for me, you _and_ Julia. You've both been great but you might want to kick me out once you're actually married. Three's a crowd, you know."

"You're not going _anywhere_ until you're completely recovered," Dave insisted. "But speaking of the wedding, I wanted to ask you something."

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I'll be able to make it," John said. "I don't imagine I'll be back in Atlantis quite yet."

"Well I'm glad you'll be there," Dave admitted, "but what I really wanted to ask was …will you be my Best Man?"

John's eyes narrowed and he squeaked, "Really? I figured you'd have one picked out already. I mean Julia's got some major plans going on there."

"Yes, she does." Dave rolled his eyes. "But I always had it in the back of my mind that I'd ask you. Julia loved the idea even without meeting you but I could never be sure if you'd make it or not. Or leave in the middle of it, like Dad's wake."

"Ooh, yeah, sorry about that," John grimaced. "Really couldn't be helped."

"Any way you can tell me about it," Dave hinted. "Now that I know your big secret."

"Bottom line," John responded, "We had a few replicators running around that needed to be stopped."

At Dave's raised eyebrows, John explained, "They're self-replicating machines that use nanite technology and can think and act on their own. These two were in human form and it took us a while to track them down and dispose of them. It was kind of an urgent situation. As it is, one of them killed a few people."

Dave's eyes opened wider in remembrance and he pointed to his neck. "The handprint on your neck when you stopped by a few days later."

"Yeah, he cracked a few ribs, too, when he kicked me across the warehouse."

Dave didn't know what to say to this. He'd been so angry with John at the time of the wake and his anger had eased somewhat when he saw John's bruises. Now he realized he could have been holding John's funeral, as well, if things had been a bit different. Dave let out a big sigh.

"What's that for?" Julia asked as she and Teyla stepped onto the patio with them. The last vestiges of light were abandoning the sky, leaving the occupants outside in shadow.

Dave put his arm around his fiancée and pulled her in close. "Just waiting for John to answer the question I asked him a few minutes ago."

John seemed confused for a second then said, "Oh, yeah, the answer is yes. I would be honored to be your Best Man. Thank you. As long as you don't mind that I could still be in this wheelchair. Apparently this whole walking thing could take quite a while."

Julia jumped up and down and gave John a big kiss on the cheek.

"The Best Man?" Teyla looked puzzled for a second then said, "Yes, I remember. He is the person who stands up for and assists the groom at the wedding."

"Glad I could teach somebody something," Julia said.

"What, couldn't teach her how to cook?" John asked. "I told you it was a waste of time."

"John Sheppard," Teyla warned as she moved right in front of him.

John went on the offensive by rolling forward and pulling Teyla into his lap. Her surprised squeal turned into a stunned silence and John said, "Now I'm gonna teach her about Easter. Dave you still got that big bible in the living room?"

At Dave's nod, John started moving away ordering, "Would you stop wiggling, Teyla. I'm just giving you a ride."

John managed to get the wheelchair inside, leaving Dave and Julia leaning against the patio railing. Julia leaned further into Dave's arms, seeking information.

"The talk they had this afternoon was a good one?"

Dave pulled her in for a long kiss then answered, "I think it was very good."

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxooxxo xoxoxoxoxox

.

John awoke the next morning with T.J.'s giraffe staring him in the face. Torren was standing next to the bed, not quite big enough to climb up himself. John got up and moving right away.

He and Torren had a quick bowl of cereal, jumped in the shower and dressed before the rest of the house started to stir.

As Teyla came out of her room in search of her wandering child, she spotted John and Torren on the couch in the den. John was pointing out the Easter Basket that was left on the coffee table.

Torren's eyes were wide as he took in the myriad of toys and candy stuffed inside. "The Easter Bunny brought this for you," John told him and Torren jumped off the couch, ran past his Mom, right into John's room.

Teyla could see him pull John's stuffed rabbit toward him in a hug and say, "Tant you, Bunny!" and he planted a kiss on the animal's head before running back to the den. He jumped back on the couch and pulled the basket in his lap again.

John looked up at Teyla and said, "Good morning! Happy Easter!"

"Happy Easter!" Teyla returned. "Look at you two. You have already been up, cleaned and dressed and I have yet to even get in the shower."

John looked at his watch and said, "We're not even leaving for church for another hour. You have time."

While Teyla was in the shower, John and Torren moved to the kitchen to snack on a few of the breakfast pastries Julia had made and start taking inventory of the kid's loot. Dave and Julia soon joined them, all spiffy in their Easter best.

By the time Teyla was ready, John was teaching T.J. about jelly beans. "The black ones are yucky! I always used to give mine to Uncle Dave. He actually likes them."

Torren picked up a few black jelly beans and held them up. "You wan dese, Unta Dabe?"

Dave finished adjusting his tie and reached down for them. "I'd love them, T.J. thank you!" He put them on the counter behind him. "I'll eat them later, after church, okay."

Torren nodded and looked back at the table. "Now the Easter Bunny has a rule," John started explaining, "see these orange ones. _These_ you have to share with someone you _really_ like."

"Lite Mama?" Torren suggested.

"Well, sure," John looked disappointed. "But I'll bet Mommy would like either the red ones or the pink ones. Those are _girl_ colors. But you know what? _**I**_ really love the orange ones!"

"Otay," Torren said and pushed some orange ones in John's direction.

"Nice, John," observed Dave. "Running a scam on a two year old."

"Hey, I got you a couple black ones, didn't I?" John defended. "Hey, Julia, any special color you like?"

Julia only chuckled but Teyla, who was just walking into the kitchen said, "I think I would like the orange ones."

Torren looked conflicted for a second then grabbed a few of John's orange jelly beans and ran over to his Mom.

"Hey, those are …" John started but stopped when he saw Teyla in the doorway in the dress she and Julia had bought. It was pale peach with a surplice top that accentuated her curves, a snug fitting waist and then it billowed out to end just above the knee.

"Those are what, John?" Teyla asked as John sat there with his eyes wide and his mouth open.

John blinked a few times, shut his mouth and said, "Wow! You look … absolutely amazing!"

Teyla smoothed her dress down then pushed at a stray lock that had escaped from her half up, half down hair style. "Do you really think so? Julia assured me this color would go well with my skin tone."

John almost stopped breathing when he looked at Teyla's skin. The peach fabric made her skin look an even darker golden color than usual. "Nicely done, Julia," John remarked without ever taking his eyes off Teyla.

"We should probably head to church if we actually want to get a seat," Dave suggested and John pulled his eyes away from Teyla long enough to agree.

"I just need to grab my suit coat," John added. Teyla offered to get it for him and they all filed into Dave's SUV, the wheelchair occupying the back, once they'd folded the third seat down.

As they were on their way, John was trying not to stare too much at Teyla on the other side of T.J.'s booster seat. She just looked so incredibly … feminine. Not that she wasn't always feminine in her own way but even when she had on her scanty sparring outfit, she was usually kicking the crap out of someone.

Teyla had her legs crossed so one foot was gently bouncing near John's knee. She had on little strappy sandals that showed her petite ankles and peach colored toenails. He smiled when he remembered that she was almost scandalized that she had done that. He reached for her foot and pulled it closer.

"The color on the toenails … _definitely_ worth the effort."

Teyla actually blushed and tried to pull her foot back. John held tight for a few moments while he ran his hand over her ankle then released it.

As they were heading into church, John was giving Torren a little warning. "Now in this place we have to be very quiet. There's gonna be some singing and a lot of talking but _we _can't be real loud, okay? I brought along one of your books so we can look at it."

John scooted into the pew first while Dave pushed his wheelchair into an empty spot in the back. Teyla and Torren came after him then Julia and Dave.

Torren had a million questions that he asked in a very loud whisper but Teyla just moved her eyes around the enormous church with a look of awe in them. Julia, sitting next to her, tried to answer a few of _her_ questions as well until mass started a short time later.

It had been years since John had been in a church, possibly since his wedding to Nancy. Flying secret missions around the world left little time for worship. Then Antarctica gave him more free time but not a whole lot of churches to go to. And of course the last six years in Atlantis hadn't given him the opportunity either.

He felt a bit like a fraud being here but there was also something very familiar and comforting about it as well. It was definitely awkward to remain sitting when the rest of the congregation were standing or kneeling. He could have stayed in his wheelchair so others knew why he was sitting but the only spot for wheelchairs was right in the front center aisle and he had no desire to be on display there.

Especially since some of these people actually looked familiar. He might not be able to name very many of them but he'd known them at some point and he didn't need or want pity or gossip going around about him.

Teyla's eyes remained large and she listened intently to every word that was said. Torren on the other hand had no interest in looking at the ornate sculptured ceilings or the stained glass windows. And he didn't _understand_ any of what was being said.

John kept him occupied as best he could but at one point had to give him his small blanket that Teyla had brought in her purse. He told him he'd missed him so much that he needed a big hug. He knew he was playing on a nerve but T.J. curled up on his shoulder with his arms around John's neck and stayed there until the recessional hymn was sung.

They had to wait until the church was pretty much cleared out before Dave could get John's wheelchair. But since Dave and Julia knew so many of these people, it was a bit of a social time for them.

They finally got John in his chair and were heading to the exit when the two priests who had presided over the mass, came in from greeting the parishioners. When they spotted Dave, they both greeted him and Julia and shook their hands.

But one of them John recognized and he apparently remembered John.

"Well if it isn't John Sheppard," he greeted as he moved toward John. "I don't think I've seen you in … it's gotta be ten years.

John reached up around T.J. and shook hands. "Father Cleary, how are you?"

"I'm okay for an old guy, still getting by. But sometimes I need these young priests to give me a hand every now and then." He turned toward the other man with him. "This is Father Donovan. This is David's younger brother John. John went into the military, what, almost twenty years ago."

They shook hands as well and Father Cleary looked down at John's chair. "I'm sorry about your situation. David told me you'd had a serious injury."

John just nodded and ran his hand down Torren's back.

"Is this your family?" Father Cleary indicated Teyla and Torren. John knew what he meant by family but in his mind they _were_ his family. They were the people he could count on the most in the world and who meant more to him than anything else.

John snagged Teyla's hand and pulled her closer. "This is Teyla and this is T.J."

They exchanged greetings then Dave announced, "We do need to get to the Easter egg hunt at PSI. It wouldn't be very good if the president of the company didn't show up. Happy Easter!"

Once in the car, Teyla started talking about all the marvelous things she'd witnessed. She had especially loved the music and said the choir almost had her in tears, so beautiful were their voices. John just listened to her talk. He loved listening to her talk. She had such a way with words and her voice was so soft and sweet. Unless of course she was scolding him about something but luckily that didn't happen all that often.

The PSI building was located in a rural area surrounded by wide open spaces and country roads. Once there, Dave and Julia went right to work. John was certain Dave had many people running it but Dave, still Mr. Control Freak, had to check for himself that everything was fine.

When he told Teyla this, her lips twisted in a wry smile. "Would that be the equivalent of a Military Commander, with hundreds of soldiers and officers serving beneath him, still walking through the base each night to assure himself all is well?"

John made a face at her and said, "Well … maybe."

"Then you and your brother are not as dissimilar as you seem to think."

John just rolled his eyes at her and looked around. It had been set up the same since he was a kid. About an acre was ribboned off and hundreds of Easter eggs were planted in the field. The egg hunt was only for children up to a specific age as they didn't want the little ones getting trampled.

It would be another twenty minutes before they opened the field to the kids but already quite a few youngsters with their parents were lining up. John started explaining to Torren what he needed to do.

"Teyla, you'll have to take him in there. I can't do it with this wheelchair. Just let _him_ actually find the eggs. It's not too hard; they're pretty much just lying in the grass."

John noticed Dave approaching with another man behind him.

"Hey, John, can I borrow T.J. for a little while? The local newspapers want a few pictures."

John looked apprehensive for a second but he _did _trust his brother so he lowered Torren to the ground and instructed, "Go with Uncle Dave. He's got some stuff for you."

Torren took the few steps then Dave scooped him up in his arms. John wasn't sure what Dave said but it made the kid laugh and clap his hands. The photographer who'd followed Dave quickly snapped a picture.

John kept an eye on him then realized Teyla was also following them closely with her eyes. John reached out, grabbed her hand and gave it a squeeze.

"He's fine. Dave won't let anything happen to him."

"I have complete trust in your brother. But I also relish seeing Torren's face so filled with joy."

They continued to hold hands for the next ten minutes until Dave gave a very brief introduction and speech announcing the start.

The children were all provided with empty baskets and instructed to stand around the perimeter of the ribboned off area. Teyla moved to hold Torren's hand as Dave rang a bell. Strategically placed personnel cut the ribbons so they all fell at once and the children entered the field from every direction.

John watched Teyla in her pretty peach dress trailing after a cavorting Torren. A grin appeared as he watched T.J. spend more time showing his mother the eggs than in finding new ones. And Teyla, as sweet as ever, would gush enthusiastically about each one.

"John Sheppard?" a voice came from beside him and he turned slightly at the approach of a familiar looking woman.

"Hi," he said, thinking he should know who she was but not really placing her.

Understanding was written on her face as she explained, "Patty Barnes, high school."

The memory came back and John replied, "Oh, right. Sorry, it's been a while."

"Well actually it's Edgarton now. My husband is the head of the accounting department here, has been for about seven years."

John pointed his finger at her and recollected, "And you were our class vice-president. I should have known that. So, do you have an egg hunter out there or just here to show company spirit?"

"Yes, my husband's out there with my two girls. They're four and six."

John just nodded and smiled.

"So last I heard you were in the military." Her comment sounded more like a question.

"Air Force," John supplied. "I'm on a disability leave right now." He briefly waved his hands over his legs. "But I've been doing daily rehab over at Meadowbrook and hopefully I'll be back on active duty soon enough."

Patty gave him an encouraging smile. "When did this happen?"

"A little over two months ago."

"I wish you luck!"

John said thanks as they watched the children continue to gather eggs for a few moments then she spoke again.

"I was sorry to hear about your father. I had just seen him about a month before he died. I was visiting Ethan, my husband, at work and happened to run into him. I asked him if he had an address for you since we were putting together our twenty year class reunion, which _you_ never came to."

John snorted, "I don't get back to the States very often."

"Yes, your father pretty much told me you'd probably be much too busy. It was cute. He kind of bragged about how you had _already_ made Lt. Colonel and were involved in very top secret, hush-hush activities."

Patty smiled and gave a small chuckle. "He was so proud; you could see it in his face. But you know your Dad, doesn't want to look weak by showing emotion so he put the gruff exterior back on and said not to get our hopes up. He said the essential work you do was much more important than a class reunion."

John just listened to her, trying to evaluate if any of what she said might have been untruthful. But she seemed really sincere in what she was saying which confused John even more. His father had been _proud_ of him, actually bragged that his son was in the military?

Maybe the old man had been getting senile before his last days. Or maybe … and John didn't even want to contemplate this one …maybe his father had actually _forgiven_ him. He knew Dave had said Dad _regretted_ what had happened but if his father had actually _forgiven_ him for joining the Air Force and 'throwing away his life' as a public servant, that would be …

John wasn't even sure how he should respond to what Patty had just said. Luckily he didn't have to as Torren came bounding over to him, a basket clutched in his tiny hands.

His eyes were wide as saucers and he was yelling, "Loot a I dot!"

John scooped him up and exclaimed, "Wow! Look at all those eggs. Did you leave any for the other kids?"

Torren giggled loudly. John held up one egg and shook it saying, "Now you remember that I _love_ orange jelly beans."

Torren shook an egg too and said, "An I luh … you!"

John grabbed Torren's head and pulled it close to kiss his forehead as he whispered, "I love you, too, Baby Bear."

Teyla finally made her way to them pronouncing, "I was nearly trampled by two very short people in extremely flouncy dresses."

John grinned and said to Torren, "Tell Mommy to quit complaining and you'll give her one of your eggs."

Torren held up an egg and smiled, "Here, Mama."

Teyla glared at John and warned, "Do not think that wheelchair will save you, John Sheppard."

John chewed on his bottom lip and held up another egg for Teyla who simply rolled her eyes at him. He then realized Patty was still standing beside him, although her eyes were on the frolicking children.

"Patty," He got her attention then took Teyla's hand. "Teyla, this is Patty Barnes, uh …Edgarton. She and I went to high school together. Her husband works for Dave. Patty, this is Teyla and T.J."

The women greeted each other and Patty looked at Torren, "He's adorable!" She then noticed her family heading out of the ribboned area so she excused herself saying, "It was nice seeing you again, John."

John shook her hand and said, "Thank you for telling me what you did. It was nice to hear. I uh … didn't have a whole lot of contact with my Dad before he died so …thanks."

"My pleasure and good luck with everything."

After she left, John looked at Teyla and squeezed the hand that was still in his. "You all right, Teyla?"

She smiled serenely and assured him, "I am fine. Torren enjoyed himself immensely."

"Good!" John responded then said, "Let's go see if we can find Dave and see how much longer until we can blow this clambake."

They realized that Dave was far from finished so Teyla parked John and Torren in the shade looking through the basket and told him she would be exploring the area while she enjoyed the sunshine.

John tried to con Torren out of a few more pieces of candy then showed him how to use some of the little toys that were also in the eggs. His eyes kept glancing in Teyla's direction. He knew she was perfectly capable of taking care of herself but he couldn't help feeling somewhat protective of her. She had yet to have to deal with a large group of Americans.

He watched as she paused to look at a large landscape of flowers. Most of the adults in that area didn't seem to have any children with them so John assumed they must be the employees who had been here to help and cut the ribbons. John saw Teyla stop and interact with a few of them.

.

.

Dave watched the kids running through the field scooping up the eggs. He was enjoying this so much more than he ever had before. He was pretty sure it was because he'd spent so much time with T.J. the last few days. He was starting to see what the attraction was.

Up until now, whenever Julia had talked about kids, he'd pictured a nanny bringing them in for a good night kiss after being properly bathed and dressed in pajamas.

Now he knew he could never just hand that job over to someone else. Maybe he wouldn't have the magic touch that John did but if he was even half the Dad John was, he'd be pretty damned good.

He looked around to see who else he needed to charm or touch base with. He saw Ted Downey approaching and held out his hand in greeting. Ted shook his hand and said, "Another great day! Congratulations, David!"

"Thank you, Ted. Where are Barbara and the grandkids? Did they find enough eggs?"

"Oh, sure, more than enough," Ted reported. "But I came over here by myself to discuss something."

"Everything okay, Ted?" Dave questioned.

"With me, I'm fine," Ted assured him. "But that brother of yours has me more than a little concerned."

"John?" Dave was perplexed. "Is there a problem?"

"When we saw you the other day and I met him for the first time I have to admit to thinking he was a bit rude not to stand when we approached the table…"

"Uh, Ted…" Dave tried to interrupt but Ted just plowed on.

"No, no, let me finish. I gave him a little warning at that time to watch his manners but today in church was inexcusable."

Dave tried again to say something but Ted was like a steamroller.

"You know, even if he hasn't stayed faithful to the church, it's only common courtesy to follow the traditions and rules of the place. We happened to be sitting a few rows behind you and the man didn't even rise when the priests came in or left. I know he's your brother, David, but certain protocols must be followed in polite society and he needs to understand that."

Dave had tried a few times to make Ted understand the circumstances but now he was just kind of ticked that the man couldn't keep his nose to himself and so prejudged someone.

"John's right over there if you want to say something to him." Dave pointed to a small cluster of trees.

Ted turned in that direction saying, "Well something needs to be done and if _you're_ not going to fix the problem …"

Ted scanned the area, "Where is he again?"

Dave pointed, "Right under that big maple tree."

Ted moved his gaze, spotted John and his jaw fell. "He's in a wheelchair! He wasn't in a wheelchair in the restaurant or in church."

"I know," Dave answered. "He says he doesn't want to look like a cripple so we move his wheelchair aside once he's in a regular seat."

Ted was left speechless for an instant. He opened his mouth several times to talk before any words came out. "So, he's uh …"

"Paralyzed," Dave supplied. "This is why he didn't stand in either place. He can't!"

"When did this happen?"

"A few months ago. It's why he's here. He's been going through rehab at Meadowgreen."

Dave looked over at John, who was talking animatedly to Torren, shaking some of the eggs from his basket. John looked in Dave's direction and waved then realized who Dave was standing with and tilted his chin in greeting.

"Why didn't he say something in the restaurant?" Ted asked.

Dave was wondering that himself. But he knew it was probably because John didn't give a crap what some big wig business man thought of him. He didn't think Ted would like to hear that, though.

Ted cleared his throat, "Well, I guess I should go over and apologize to the poor boy. I had no idea … really. I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions."

"Don't worry about it, Ted." Dave told him. "John won't give it a whole lot of thought. He's got bigger issues to deal with right now."

"I understand," Ted nodded. "If there's ever anything I can do to help, just let me know."

Dave's eyes twinkled, "Well you know we hold a big fundraiser for Meadowgreen every fall. Maybe I can actually get you and Barbara to go this year."

Ted shook his head in resignation. "Count us in."

.

.

Teyla looked around at the beautifully decorated grounds wondering who maintained all of this.

"Haven't seen you around. You must be new to the company."

Teyla turned at the voice behind her and took note of the well dressed young man standing there.

"Hello," Teyla greeted, unsure of exactly what he had said. "Yes, I am new here. And I am enjoying this festivity very much."

"I'm Ian," he introduced himself and took her hand in both of his. "I'll bet I could help you get even more enjoyment _after_ this festivity."

Teyla looked confused so he continued, "Being new here you want to make a good impression on the boss. Normally your looks alone would do that but Mr. Sheppard's got a fiancée so your looks won't do anything for you."

"Except," he put his arm lightly around her shoulder and steered her away from the crowd of people, "_**I**_ happen to work in the Administrative offices and can put in a good word with the big boss … if the circumstances were right."

Teyla was uncertain what this man was talking about and wasn't sure she wanted to know, but she was also very curious as to Earth, especially American, rituals so she smiled and asked, "Circumstances?"

"Yeah, showing me your appreciation, a lot."

Teyla was beginning to understand what he was insinuating. She did not like this man who worked for Dave but thought it might be interesting to lead him on and see just how immoral he was.

"And how would you like me to show my appreciation?"

"Well, we'd start someplace private and you could remove that pretty dress and show me the rest of that gorgeous copper skin."

Teyla's eyebrow rose. "And _seeing_ all my skin would be enough for a good word with the boss?"

Ian laughed. "Come on, you're not naïve enough to think a simple peek will do." He leaned in and whispered something in Teyla's ear that made her gasp and take a step away from him.

"I think I have heard enough," Teyla whispered harshly. Apparently this man had _no _morals.

"I can _guarantee_ you'll like it," he promised as he took a step closer again.

Just then Torren came running over yelling, "Mama!"

Teyla bent down and scooped him up. "Hello, sweetheart, where is…?" but she spotted John before she could finish the question.

"A kid, huh?" Ian grunted and looked at the man in the wheelchair. "And _that's_ your guy? You have got to be kidding me. Listen, my offer still stands. Honestly, can he even satisfy you? Probably not like I can. Think about it."

And then John was right in front of them.

"Hey, Teyla," he greeted. "Everything all right?"

Teyla gave a big smile. "Yes, everything is fine. This is Ian. He works directly with _Mr. Sheppard_. He says he can assist me in getting noticed in my job."

John's eyes narrowed but he said, "That's great." John was curious as to what Teyla was doing and decided to play along. "We need you to climb that corporate ladder. What do you have to do?"

Teyla got a mischievous glint in her eye like a cat playing with a mouse. "Simply remove my clothing and perform sexual acts with him."

John's temperature began to rise but he could see in Teyla's eyes that she wanted to make this man pay in a completely different way. He noticed Dave heading in their direction so he kept going.

"Is that all? You should consider it." Then he looked at Ian. "She's very good in that department. You wouldn't be disappointed, take my word for it."

Ian's eyes looked confused but then got a gleam in them and asked, "You'd really be okay with that?"

"Sure," John responded. 'Maybe if she's doing you, she'll leave me alone. She's insatiable!"

Teyla looked about ready to burst at John's words thinking he was playing along _too well._

Dave finally reached them.

"Mr. Sheppard, how are you today? Another successful event by Sheppard Industries." Ian sucked up as best he could.

Dave had been about to address Teyla and John but got sidetracked. "Ian, it's good to see you. Thank you for all your help today. I see you've met…"

"We were just about to be introduced," John butted in and rolled over to shake hands with the unpleasant man.

"I'm John," he said with a grin. "John _Sheppard._" He nodded his head in Dave's direction. "The boss's brother."

Torren took that moment to jump down and run over to Dave. "Unta Dabe, I dot some edds!"

Dave picked him up and acknowledged, "I saw that you did. And right now we're going to Auntie Julia's house and I think she said the Easter Bunny came there, too."

Torren squealed and clapped his hands as Dave put him back down again. "You ready to go, John, Teyla?"

John had been watching Ian, enjoying the man squirm as he waited to see what John and Teyla would do. John decided he wanted this man to squirm _a lot_, like until Dave saw him next at work.

So he merely picked up T.J. and took Teyla's hand as Teyla replied," I am quite ready to go." This time the smile she gave Ian was almost smug. _His_ smile was completely missing.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

Dinner at the Gianni's was very pleasant. They'd enjoyed a buffet brunch and then the men had deserted the table to talk sports instead of wedding plans. Teyla had been very interested in hearing all the details; dresses, catering, flowers, limousines, honeymoon. She didn't understand quite a bit of it and couldn't add anything to the conversation but it was good insight into the lives of this human population.

A few hours later, Teyla went in search of Torren who had been following Julia's niece Hannah around like a puppy dog. But instead of being with the almost three year old, Teyla found him in John's lap, out cold.

Torren seemed very comfortable but John's face was somewhat rigid, so Teyla offered, "Would you like me to take him from you?"

John shook his head. "He's fine where he is," but he couldn't stop the wince from showing. "It's just I haven't had any PT in three days and my legs are getting … a little uncomfortable. Don't worry about it, though."

Teyla did worry but so apparently did Dave. He moved over to where they were and asked, "You okay, John? What's the matter?"

"I'm fine," John insisted through gritted teeth but Teyla tattled.

"His legs are uncomfortable due to his lack of therapy while Torren and I have been here."

"Teyla!" John warned then was silenced as he felt a cramp start in his calf. He closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath.

"Yeah, you're fine," Dave grumbled sarcastically and walked off to find Julia.

Teyla knelt in front of John and moved his clenched hand away from his calf. "Is this where the pain is?"

At John's brief nod, Teyla started massaging the area. John's wince and indrawn breath made Teyla stop for a second but he ordered, "Don't stop, please! That helps."

Dave appeared with Julia a few minutes later and they said their goodbyes. Torren miraculously stayed sleeping even when they put him in the car seat. John tried to apologize to Julia for taking her away from her family but Julia just brushed him off.

"Are you kidding me? Veronica was driving me out of my mind with her insane ramblings. If I had stayed for another minute, I think I would have strangled her."

"Veronica?" John clarified, "That's your brother Joey's wife, right?"

"Yeah, Tessa's my sister and her husband is Paul. They're the ones who have Hannah."

John laughed. "I think T.J.'s got a big crush on that little Hannah. He was telling me all about her when I got him to fall asleep."

"Which reminds me, Teyla," Julia said, "David and I would love for you to come to the wedding. You _and_ Torren. That way Hannah can have someone to play with and someone will be there to keep John in line."

Teyla smiled and responded, "I would like that very much."

John reached around a sleeping Torren to touch Teyla's leg. "I would like that very much also," and he tickled her knee.

Teyla continued, "I will make every effort to attend although I am not sure anyone can truly keep John in line."

"John?" Dave checked. "How are you feeling? Do we need to stop and pick up anything at the pharmacy?"

"No," John replied. "I've got enough meds at the house. I'll be okay if I can get my legs moving. Three days with no PT has made them pretty stiff."

"How about a swim in the pool?" Julia suggested. "You started that pool therapy last week, didn't you?"

"Actually, that would probably be really good," John said thoughtfully. "Kristy showed me a few water exercises that were good for the legs."

"Awesome!" Julia responded. "Then Teyla can try out that swimsuit we bought her the other day."

The image of Teyla in a swimsuit popped into John's head. _That would probably not be very good._

Torren slept the whole way home but woke up as soon as they attempted to get him out of the car seat. But once they told him they were all going swimming, he shook off the just-woke-up-cranky mood.

Once changed, Dave helped John get the wheelchair down to the pool and John in the water. The water was a bit chilly at first as it was still early in the season. John didn't mind. The cold on his skin made him forget about the pain in his legs.

It was another ten minutes before the ladies and Torren strolled down. John was holding onto the edge doing some exercises he'd been taught just last week. Dave was still out of the pool, near John. Dave knew he shouldn't worry; John had always been a good swimmer. But without the use of his legs he wasn't sure that would still be the case.

Julia was first to shed her cover up, revealing her slim body in a two piece swimsuit. John, remembering all her comments about his bare chest, let out a wolf whistle.

"Hey," complained Dave and put his foot on John's head and playfully pushed him under the water. John stayed under a few moments longer than he knew Dave would be comfortable with. When he came back up, sure enough, Dave was kneeling by the pool checking on him.

So John shook his head and soaked Dave with the water from his hair.

"Oh, you are so going to pay," Dave warned. "At some point today you are going to pay."

John saw Torren cautiously approach the wide steps into the pool so he swam over and sat on them. "Come here, Buddy," he encouraged. "You ready to go in?"

T.J. nodded and John lifted him and started lowering him into the water. As soon as the boy's feet touched the cool liquid, he squealed and pulled his legs right up to his chest.

John just laughed and said, "I know it's a little chilly at first but it's great once you get used to it."

He sat the boy in his lap and let him stick his hands in the water and just play with it. John saw that Dave and Julia had moved to dangle their feet in the deep end but Teyla was still near the stairs in her cover up.

"Come on in, Teyla," John invited. "The water feels great after the hot sun."

"I do not know how to swim," she protested. "We have had no need of that skill amongst my people."

"You don't have to swim," John told her. "I can't do much swimming with my bum legs. It's just fun to splash around in the water, right, T.J.?

And T.J. was indeed enjoying himself splashing the water all around him.

"Very well, I will join you," and she removed her cover up.

John almost wished he hadn't convinced her. The bathing suit was by no means skimpy with boy cut shorts and a halter top but it was definitely more skin than he'd ever seen on Teyla. He needed to turn away and move down another step to submerge his overheated body in the cool water.

Teyla came and joined them on the step, her eyes popping open at the first contact with the chilly water. It wasn't the only effect the chilly water was having on Teyla so John yelled over to Dave, "Hey, how come you didn't put the heater on in the pool?"

Dave apologized and said he didn't realize they'd be coming in today. He then brought over a flotation device which John put on Torren. He wanted to take the kid out further in the water but knew he couldn't hold him up.

Torren was a bit nervous when they first moved away from the stairs but soon realized how cool it was that he could kick his feet around in the water and actually move. As they moved into deeper water John was able to straighten his legs and put some weight on them. The buoyancy of the water and holding onto T.J.'s floaty allowed him to actually 'walk' in the water. Teyla noticed and commented about it.

"The water helps to support my body weight so the leg muscles have a chance to move without all the strain. That's why they said the pool therapy is perfect for me."

Teyla floated toward him and said, "Then you will be completely healed in no time."

"I hope so," John replied solemnly.

Dave and Julia only took a quick dip but John and Teyla were enjoying Torren's reaction so much they stayed in for quite some time. John had grabbed a plastic ball and the three of them took turns throwing it around the pool and trying to catch it. Occasionally John would swim under the water and come up so his head hit the ball and popped it into the air.

Torren wanted John to do this all the time but John tried to stay away from the deep end if he could. His legs still barely moved and felt like lead weights dangling from his body when there was nothing to hold them up. Unfortunately due to her lack of swimming ability, Teyla refused to get the ball when it was in the deep end so John ended up there too often.

As the afternoon wore on, John finally convinced T.J. to take a short break. They moved to sit on the steps, T.J. on one a few steps down so his belly was submerged. Teyla was a step below him to make sure he didn't slide in accidentally and John pulled himself all the way to the top step.

He collapsed on the decking, his upper body finally giving in to the exhaustion of the afternoon's exercise. His legs still lay half in the water right behind Teyla, and Torren made sure they stayed cool by splashing water on them every so often.

"Are you all right, John?" Teyla asked concerned when she saw John's chest rising and falling with heavy breathing.

He pushed himself up on his elbows and assured her, "I'm fine. Great actually. I needed some movement and that certainly did the job."

Just then he noticed Julia putting down the video camera on the table and he groaned, "How long have you been doing that?"

Julia shrugged, "Most of the afternoon. I may have to ask Teyla for a copy," she teased, "just so I can have some footage of you shirtless, for after you're gone, you know."

Dave got up in mock anger and said, "You think you're so funny, don't you?" He scooped her up in his arms, walked over to the pool and tossed her in.

John roared, Teyla looked horrified and T.J. just splashed a lot more in the water. Julia resurfaced and swam to the edge. She pulled herself out and flounced past Dave taunting, "Just for that, you're sleeping alone tonight!"

Dave rolled his eyes and claimed, "You weren't planning on staying tonight, so that's not really a threat."

John, enjoying the interplay, decided to egg them on. "Are you gonna put up with that, Dave? I'd throw her in again just to cool down that attitude."

Dave walked slowly toward Julia but John got distracted when Teyla scolded, "John Sheppard, you should not be encouraging such things."

John got a glint in his eye as he leaned up on both elbows again. "Be careful, Teyla, or I might need to cool down _your_ attitude."

Teyla looked over her shoulder and raised an eyebrow, "You would have to catch me first."

John sprang forward and Teyla attempted to get up and out of the pool but he was too quick. He grabbed her around the waist and pushed himself into the water, bringing her with him.

She was sputtering when they came up and with a twinkle in her _eye_ warned, "You should not have done that."

She pushed down on John's shoulders so he completely submerged then walked back to sit on the steps with Torren. When she looked back, John had not yet resurfaced so she stood up and walked slowly back to where he was.

Her heart nearly jumped out of her chest when his head broke the surface but he was still face down in the water.

"John!" she cried and pulled at his shoulders so his face was no longer under the water. She was about to check for a pulse when a stream of water cam straight out of his mouth like the blowhole on a whale. His eyes opened and he shook the water off his face.

"I forgot to tell you, Teyla," Dave called over, "John can hold his breath for a very long period of time."

Teyla swatted at John's head and said, "Apparently."

She returned to the steps near Torren and said, "I should have remembered. There were at least two instances where John managed to stay alive despite severe decompression in his location."

John swam over and pulled himself onto the step right behind Teyla. "You're not mad are you?" John questioned uncertain.

Teyla didn't answer, just leaned forward to splash with Torren.

"Come on, Teyla," John pleaded as he moved his face closer to her shoulder. "You know that one time you were just talking about. I could have gotten killed. Don't I get any points for that?"

Teyla straightened up a bit bringing John's face almost into the crook of her neck. "You should not have taken such a foolish risk."

"_You_ know why I did," John stated.

"_I'd_ like to know why you did," Dave said standing poolside with his arms crossed.

"It wasn't for Jamus or his people, that's for sure," John declared.

Teyla looked up at Dave and admitted, "It was to save _my_ life."

Dave just shook his head and murmured, "Why am I not surprised?"

John stuck his mouth right up to Teyla's ear and whispered, "So will those points keep you from being mad now?"

Teyla sighed then turned her face so she was nose to nose with John. "I believe you have earned enough points. Just remember I am deducting them as we go along. You may not have many left."

"Really," John considered as he put his arms around Teyla to splash some water at Torren. "Then I guess I better do something to earn some more."

"I think I'll earn my points today by going into the house and scrounging us up a light supper," Julia said. She grabbed her cover up and the video camera and left the pool area.

"John," Dave addressed his brother, "You might want to spend some time in front of the jets in the hot tub. Just to keep those muscles from spazzing out later." And he moved to turn them on.

"Good idea," John replied. "I think I'll jump in now. It could take a while to loosen these muscles up enough to last until Tuesday. "

"You're not going in tomorrow?" Dave asked concerned. "That'll be four days without any therapy."

"I know," John acknowledged, "But Teyla and Torren leave tomorrow afternoon. I'm not spending most of their last day here in therapy, not seeing them. God knows how long it'll be before I can see them again."

Dave just nodded in understanding. He then looked at Torren. "This guy's lips are starting to turn blue. Maybe it's time to get out, Pal, huh?"

Dave grabbed a big, fluffy towel and wrapped it around the boy as he plucked him out of the water. "We could go in and I could show you how that little train works."

Torren nodded vigorously so Teyla stepped out as well. Dave handed her a towel then paused for a second saying, "Oh!"

Teyla looked quizzically at him and Dave explained, "Can't leave anyone in the hot tub by themselves, it's not safe."

He looked back down at Torren in his arms regretfully. "Maybe we'll have to do the train later."

Torren's face fell as he pouted, "Twain."

Dave looked at Teyla hopefully and suggested, "Unless you'd stay out here with John. You've got a long journey ahead of you tomorrow and the Jacuzzi is _very_ relaxing."

Teyla looked at the pleading eyes of her son then at John who was already relaxed in the bubbling water. "Very well. Is there anything I need to be aware of?"

Dave adjusted Torren in his arms and answered, "Not really. I just wouldn't let him fall asleep in there. It can be very soothing. Thanks, Teyla."

Teyla nodded her head and moved toward the hot tub as Dave brought Torren up to the house. John opened his eyes as Teyla lowered herself to sit opposite him.

"Hey," he gave a crooked grin. "Dave lose the coin toss?"

"He offered to show Torren some trains and Torren seemed quite anxious to see them."

"Ah!" John said in understanding. "So _you_ lost and had to babysit me."

Teyla settled back and felt the jets pulsate against her skin. She released a huge sigh and claimed, "This is lovely. I do not mind losing if this is the result."

John agreed with a mumbled, "Mmm hmmm."

They sat companionably for a while, Teyla enjoying the complete peace along with the soothing water flow. She watched John's face become more relaxed as the time went by and she hoped he could get some relief. He had tried to hide it, as usual, but she knew he had been in substantial pain earlier in the day.

Her own body rid itself of tense muscles and she found her eyes starting to drift closed. She blinked several times and sat up higher in the water. John's eyes had been closed for a while and she remembered what Dave had said about not letting him fall asleep.

She lifted her foot and poked John's leg. "John, you are not asleep, are you?"

John's hand closed around Teyla's foot as he rasped out, "Not with your foot where it is."

Teyla's eyes flew open trying to see through the bubbles but John chuckled, "It's fine, Teyla. But you're getting a little brazen now that you've got those painted toenails."

Teyla just made a face.

He continued to hold her foot where it was. It had startled him when he'd first felt it on the inside of his thigh but he knew Teyla and figured she didn't realize exactly where it had gone. He started massaging her foot, hoping she'd relax again.

She groaned slightly and said, "That feels wonderful. The shoes Julia recommended to go with my dress today were very beautiful, however I am not quite used to heals that high."

John finished her foot, lowered it to rest on his leg and said, "Give me your other foot."

"You do not need to do this, John," Teyla objected.

"Come on, I've gotta keep you balanced."

Teyla obeyed and lifted her other foot, carefully this time until it was captured by John. Another soft moan escaped her lips as his hands moved over it.

As he continued the ministrations to her foot, John admitted, "I'm glad you came, Teyla. I … uh, really needed someone right about now."

Then realizing what he'd said corrected, "Not that Dave and Julia haven't been great, they have been. But Dave and I still have a lot of issues to work out and I only met Julia a few months ago. Having you and Torren here has been …"

John couldn't really finish because he didn't think there were any words strong enough to describe how he felt.

Teyla pulled her feet down and took John's hands in hers. "I know, John," Teyla soothed. "We were happy to see you, too."

"I don't know if they told you or not but I had a bit of a…" he rolled his eyes, "breakdown a few weeks ago," John confessed then gave a self-deprecating chuckle. "It wasn't very pretty."

Teyla cocked her head and grinned. "There was some mention of you throwing and breaking items from your room."

John gave a wry smile. "Any mention of the yelling and swearing, too?"

"Colonel Carter did not give us exact details. She simply said you were having a difficult time and were in need of a friend."

John squeezed her hands and remarked, "That was true. What did the others think of my little … incident?"

"They are not aware of what happened," Teyla informed him. "Mr. Woolsey received the message from Colonel Carter and told me. I do not believe he planned to share the information with anyone else. I also kept the details of the reason for my visit quiet."

John narrowed his eyes. "So nobody knows I completely lost it?"

"No," Teyla confirmed. "However, I believe Chuck was taking bets on _when_ you would 'lose it'. Ronon did not think you would make it two weeks."

"Thanks Chewie!" John snorted and grimaced.

"Because he knows you like to keep busy and active." Teyla defended. "Major Lorne was convinced you would be fine the whole time. He says he has never met anyone who had as much control over their emotions as you do."

A harsh breath escaped John's mouth as he scoffed, "Yeah, well he never met my Dad."

"Major Lorne is correct though," Teyla stated as she tilted her head to look more closely at John. "It is often quite difficult to know exactly what you are thinking or how you are feeling. You keep your emotions deeply hidden."

John just shrugged, "You're not all that different, you know. You don't exactly go around with your feelings on parade, either."

"That is true. We are quite a pair, are we not?"

John's eyes grew intense as he looked at Teyla then looked down at their clasped hands resting slightly under the water. Teyla almost missed his whispered, "I hope so."

His eyes then rose back up to hers and this time Teyla was pretty sure she could see the emotions written clearly on John's face. Need, want, longing. Teyla didn't need to sense how he was feeling. It was all very plain to see in his eyes.

She wondered if her eyes were mirroring his. She reached up one hand and touched the side of his face in a gentle caress. The need in John's eyes turned to hope as he covered Teyla's hand with his own and turned his head so his lips settled in her palm.

John's eyes drifted shut at the same time as Teyla's and their indrawn breaths also were in time with the other. When John's tongue darted out to stroke her palm, Teyla's insides quivered and she felt the longing curl deeper inside her.

She was moving her body closer to John's when she heard a shout from the house.

"There's some food up here if you two are hungry!"

They both broke apart and sat back in their original positions, breathing considerably harder than they had before.

John was the first to recover. "Guess we should probably go in, huh?"

Teyla nodded slightly and John slid into the pool to cool off one last time before they went in the house.

.

.

Julia had just made sandwiches and Dave, surprisingly, had already put T.J. in pajamas. He had also pulled John's old guitar from the attic when he'd taken down the trains for Torren to play with.

After they ate, John spent some time tuning the strings on the guitar while Dave and T.J. continued exploring the train set. John had to admit Dave was getting pretty good at this 'Daddy' thing himself. And the funny part was that he seemed to be enjoying it.

But John put aside the guitar, which he'd tuned and plucked out a few songs on, when it was time for Torren to sleep. This was their last night together for who knew how long. Teyla said they'd come back for the wedding but that was almost four months away.

As John held the tired toddler, who was struggling to keep his eyes open, he could feel the tug on his heart. Could he last that long with no contact? He wasn't sure he could.

Once Torren had been asleep for a while, Dave offered to carry him to his bed. John chuckled, "You'd better watch out, Julia. I think he's beginning to like this."

Julia grinned, "Good, because I'm not getting any younger."

Dave just smiled and put the boy in his room. When he came out, Julia was saying goodbye to John and Teyla.

"I have an early meeting tomorrow, but I promise to be back before you head to the airport."

John looked at Dave and asked, "Are _you_ going in at all tomorrow?"

"I wasn't really planning on it, why?"

"I just wanted you to say hello to my good buddy, Ian, if you were."

"Ooh, that creep," Julia said disgusted.

"Julia doesn't really like Ian. But he's a good, hard worker," Dave defended.

"I would have to side with Julia on this matter," Teyla spoke up.

Dave looked suspicious. "What did he do?"

Teyla's eyes moved to John's but she remained quiet. John didn't feel that need.

"He asked Teyla to have sex with him," John said bluntly. "He said he could help her climb the corporate ladder."

Dave's eyes grew fierce and he questioned, "He actually _said_ that to you?"

"What he _actually_ said was more detailed and quite vulgar. I do not believe I could repeat it out loud," Teyla spat. "However, he did promise that I would enjoy it."

"Maybe I _should_ go in tomorrow," growled Dave.

"No!" John interceded. "You need to play with him a little. That's why I didn't say anything this morning. I wanted to see him sweat. The look on his face when I said I was your brother was priceless!" John nodded, "Make him sweat!"

Julia boasted how she was right about Ian then gave John and Teyla hugs and kisses. Dave walked her out and John moved on the sectional so he had the prime spot right in the middle again.

"Just because you are unable to walk at the moment does not always give you the right to claim the best location on this piece of furniture," Teyla complained.

John grabbed a few throw pillows and stuck them against the sofa back on his right side as he said, "But I have a better spot for you."

He patted the pillows and Teyla moved toward him realizing it would put her practically in his lap. She leaned back against the pillows and wiggled her bottom right up against John's hip. John groaned as his right arm rested on the pillows she was leaning against and his left fell across her middle with his hand by her hip.

Teyla's smile revealed to him that she wasn't dissatisfied with the location. He leaned his head down and conspired, "We may have to paint those toenails more often."

Teyla blushed and chastised, "John!"

John just laughed and then got quiet and when he spoke again it was with a more serious tone. "Any way I can convince you to stay longer, like another week … or month?"

Maybe it _was _the colored toenails but Teyla felt a bit playful. She wasn't sure why but it could have something to do with the fact that _John_ had been much more playful since she had gotten here as well. John had always been fun to be around and had a sarcastic humor she enjoyed but these last few days there had been a more sensual component to his teasing.

She looked up into his eyes and responded, "I am certain there are many ways to could _try_ and convince me…"

_Man, she is so adorable when she's like this_, John thought and his right hand moved to play in her hair. He knew he could easily lean down and kiss her right now, knew there was very little chance she'd resist. But John started thinking about her leaving tomorrow, and he knew she _had_ to, knew enough about her importance to Atlantis to know she couldn't stay away too long.

Then he thought about kissing her and realized that once he started, he'd never want to stop. And then she'd leave him with only the memory of the kisses. He'd spend every hour daydreaming and reliving the memory instead of working to get better.

No, it was much better to wait. He'd work harder to recover if he had something to look forward to, a goal. But could he wait almost four months? Hell, he'd waited six years, four months would be nothing.

He looked down at her expectant face and full pink lips and almost rethought his decision but knew he couldn't put himself through that.

"I could try …but…?" John repeated her words back to her. "I hear a _but _in there."

"But I still must return to Atlantis tomorrow," Teyla agonized. "The Planetary Coalition is meeting later this week and many important decisions will be made during this time. It is imperative that I be there."

John wanted to ask, '_What if I said it was imperative that you stay here with me?_' But he didn't. He would never ask her to make a decision like that.

John got a twinkle in his eye and decided to lighten the mood a bit. "T.J. doesn't have to be there. How about you leave _him_ with me?"

"He would love that!" Teyla chuckled. "And I would not have to deal with trying to get him to sleep each night."

"Yeah, but then he'd just cry for you and _**I**_ couldn't get him to sleep. So_, you'll_ just have to stay, too," John finished matter-of-factly.

"If it were possible…"

"What if I offered you … jelly beans?" John bribed and his eyebrows rose suggestively.

"Torren will share _his_ jelly beans with me."

"Yeah," John tried again. "But I could get _more_. They'll all be 50% off tomorrow."

"Very tempting, John, but I do not think Mr. Woolsey would understand if I did not return due to jelly beans."

"You're probably right," John conceded. "Hey, so who picked six weeks in the '_John Sheppard will lose it'_ pool?

It took Teyla a second to follow John's train of thought. "I did manage to peek at the list Chuck has and I believe it was Dusty."

"Sergeant Mehra?" John clarified. "What did McKay pick? Do you know?"

"Rodney did not participate in this pool," Teyla informed him. "He told me privately that the thought of you losing control without your team there to support you was too horrific to think about. Although, I do not think he intended me to tell you this."

John just nodded his understanding, appreciating Rodney's concern for him.

"So tell me what big decisions need to be made at the Coalition meeting this week?"

Teyla began talking about what had been going on in and around Atlantis since John had been gone. The conversation went on for some time then segued into discussions about the personnel on Atlantis.

At some point Dave came out of the office across the hall, where he'd been catching up on paperwork, and said good night. John and Teyla acknowledged him then resumed their conversation. Neither one of them wanted this night to end as they knew tomorrow they would be saying good bye.

When it was growing late and the conversation was slowing down, John pulled Teyla a bit closer and started, "Teyla …I'm uh ….not very good at saying things, especially good byes. And tomorrow Dave and Julia will be around and I know it's gonna be hell saying good bye to T.J. so I thought … maybe …."

"We say good bye now?" Teyla suggested.

"I _said_ I wasn't very _good _at good bye. Weren't you listening?" John grinned then got serious.

"I wanted you to know how I felt but since I pretty much suck at that, too, I thought maybe you could … you know …"

At Teyla's confused look, John explained, "Like what you do to know where T.J. is."

Teyla's eyes widened in understanding. "Are you certain, John?"

He nodded and Teyla closed her eyes. She could feel his hands at her hip and at her shoulder. When she opened her mind to him, it almost overwhelmed her.

John was in pain, emotional pain. He was torn between wanting her to stay and knowing she had to go. There was much longing and desire for her but it was mixed with a sadness and confusion as to what he should do. There was immense thankfulness that she had come and brought Torren.

But the most overpowering feeling of all covered her with a sweet warmth she would forever cherish. She opened her eyes to see John's face tilted to look at hers.

"My emotions mirror yours," she told him.

"Then you must be a mess, 'cause that's how I feel right now."

Teyla moved slightly and leaned her head on John's chest. She moved her hand to rest there also and could feel and hear John's heart pick up in rhythm.

"Your heart is beating faster."

"Because of you," John whispered.

Teyla relaxed against him and she could feel his arms tighten around her. His emotions changed to that of contentment and she drifted off to sleep as she felt John's lips touch her hair.

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xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxo xooxoxoxoxox

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Dave was up and dressed early the next morning, wanting to send a few e-mails out to his department heads with instructions for the day. He peeked into the den and was surprised to see John and Teyla in the exact same place he'd left them last night, only now they were sound asleep.

But he wasn't too surprised as today was their last day together and they were probably trying to squeeze in as much time with each other as possible. Dave wished he could do something about this situation. John and Teyla obviously both cared deeply for each other and now that this Kanaan guy was out of the picture, things should be fine, right?

But John still couldn't walk which meant he couldn't go back to work and Teyla was leaving and taking T.J. and going to another galaxy. Dave hated this feeling of helplessness. He was used to stepping in, dealing with a problem and relishing the results.

But there was nothing he could do about this. No amount of money or wheeling and dealing could get John walking right now or convince Teyla to stay here. He'd heard part of their conversation last night and knew John had already asked.

He was about to go to his office when he saw a little head peek out of the right bedroom.

"Come on out," Dave whispered and T.J. moved toward him, a pout on his face.

"Where Mama?"

Dave picked the little boy up and turned around. "Your Mommy and Daddy are still asleep, see." He knew Torren didn't call John 'Daddy' but Dave thought maybe it was time the kid did. If John played the part, he should have the title.

"Why don't we let them finish sleeping and you and I can go write some e-mails."

Torren nodded and after using the bathroom they got busy in the office with e-mails, Dave letting Torren type a few letters every now and then.

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.

John felt a weight on his chest as he rose from the depths of slumber. His eyes were still closed but he could feel his arms around a soft body and remembered holding Teyla last night as she slept. He hadn't thought he'd be able to sleep with her curled against his chest, but he'd been wrong. He had fallen asleep and for quite a while, too.

He looked at his watch and realized it was almost the time he typically woke up, only he wasn't going in to rehab today. He had texted Lisa last night to let her know. He figured she'd understand.

Right now he was trying to figure out what to do with Teyla. He knew what he'd like to do but he'd already had that argument with himself. Instead, he pressed his lips to her hair, breathing in the scent of her shampoo. He moved a few strands of the hair out of her face then ran his hand down her arm.

Her legs were pulled up toward her as she lay on her side and he noticed the long loose skirt she'd put on last night had ridden up a bit exposing one of her incredibly shapely legs. He stared for a few minutes then knew that wasn't going to help him any so he moved her skirt until it covered her again, his hand caressing the skin as it moved the fabric down. He wasn't sure how long he stayed holding her like that, absorbing every possible sensation he could, knowing it would be a long time before it would happen again.

Finally Torren toddled into the room and John held his finger against his lips indicating quiet, then crooked his finger to get him closer.

"Sleeping Beauty is asleep and someone needs to wake her up," John whispered to the boy. John pointed to T.J. indicating he should do it.

"You need a tiss her," Torren informed him like he should have already known that.

"I think you should do it," John continued to whisper. "It should be someone she loves a lot. She loves you a whole bunch."

Torren nodded his head then got a funny, thoughtful look on his face. "Mama luh you, too!" He held his arms out to his sides as far as they could go and claimed, "Mama luh you dis bid!"

"That big, huh? Wow! Okay, why don't we both do it together?"

John indicated Torren should climb up. He could tell Teyla had already woken up during their short conversation but was keeping her eyes closed to play along.

John looked at Torren and said, "Ready?" and they both leaned down to kiss her, Torren on the cheek and John on the forehead.

She started to stir and raised her arms above her head to stretch. Her right arm then wrapped around Torren with her left lifting to run briefly through John's hair then settle on the back of his neck.

"Hmmm, what a lovely way to wake up. And with two such handsome men around me." Her eyes glittered like diamonds as she glanced from her son to John.

Torren, not one for sitting around, jumped off the couch and announced, "Tum on, Unta Dabe mate pantates!" and he tore off in the direction of the kitchen.

Teyla reluctantly removed herself from John's arms and returned with his wheelchair. Teyla helped him practice standing for a short while and John took the opportunity to tease, "You know that we've slept together now …"

Teyla rolled her eyes and grinned, "You are impossible," as she helped lower him into his wheelchair. As she moved toward the kitchen she threw back over her shoulder, "I may not save you any pancakes."

John just laughed and rolled along behind her.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo oxoxoxoxox

.

The morning mood was somber with only Torren chattering excessively to Josie, who'd showed up mid morning, about all the good things the bunny had brought him. Dave had disappeared into the office to make some phone calls; Teyla was in her room packing so John spent some time in his room trying to tidy things up as well.

Teyla walked in to find him staring at the pictures she had sent with him. "I will send you some more through the computer when I transfer the recordings onto my laptop," Teyla told him as she came and sat on the bed.

"When do you think we should tell T.J. that you're leaving?" John asked.

"I do not think we should mention it until we are already at the airport."

John agreed, "That's probably a good idea."

Silence fell over the room and they both felt the tension in the air. Teyla finally broke it by commenting, "This room is very lovely. It must be very nice to stay here while you are recuperating."

John's face turned sad in remembrance. "Not really." He paused then continued, "My Mom died in this room."

The shock on Teyla's face was apparent as she leaned over and put her hand on John's arm. "I am so sorry, John. I did not realize. Was it many years ago?"

John's hand covered hers. "Yeah, I was fourteen at the time."

"Yet no matter the passage of time, the pain always remains," Teyla said softly.

John squeezed her hand and acknowledged, "You would know, wouldn't you?"

"And the pain of your father's passing is still fresh for you as well," Teyla sympathized.

John made a small grimace. "That … pain … is a bit different. My Dad and I didn't really agree on much, especially on what I should do with my life. I was a pretty big disappointment to him. Luckily he had Dave."

John tried not to sound too bitter at that statement. It really wasn't Dave's fault that he'd been a total screw up most of his life while Dave had been a poster child.

Teyla didn't know how to respond to that as she knew nothing of John's relationship with his father. But she tried anyway. "If he knew of your accomplishments now, I know he would feel differently."

John just shrugged and diverted attention away from himself by saying he should go get Torren out of Josie's hair and start cleaning up all the toys they'd left all over the house.

Teyla went back to her packing, checking up on John and Torren when she was done. She filled up the rest of the memory on the camcorder, hoping all that she had taped would help Torren in the coming weeks or months without John.

Julia showed up at lunchtime and finally got Dave out of his office to spend some time with everyone else. John decided to send a video e-mail to T.J. from everyone including T.J. He figured it should go through at the same time that Teyla and Torren went through the gate so they could check it as soon as they got back in Atlantis. Torren was a bit confused and kept laughing at John throughout the message.

He finally closed the laptop and the room grew quiet again. Torren moved around looking for something to play with but most of the toys had been put away. John knew he was overdue for a nap but both he and Teyla figured if Torren fell asleep during the plane ride to Peterson, it might be better.

Torren finally moved in front of the guitar John had been fiddling with yesterday and requested, "You pay Ol MitDonoo?"

"Sure, bring it here," John instructed.

He spent a few minutes plucking out Old MacDonald and a few other songs T.J. liked while the others joined in. Everyone knew what was coming and they were all trying to remain as normal as possible. Although John was pretty sure singing Old MacDonald was nowhere near normal for Dave and Julia.

John plucked at a few more random chords then noticed Teyla and Torren's bags stacked near the bedroom door and he started strumming a new tune as his deep voice started singing.

"_All my bags are packed, I'm ready to go_," his eyes strayed over in that direction. "_I'm standing here outside your door. I hate to wake you up to say goodbye. But the dawn is breaking, it's early morn, the taxi's waiting, he's blowing his horn. Already I'm so lonesome I could die."_

John wasn't sure if he could manage the next part but Julia, Josie and even Dave joined their voices with his.

"_So kiss me and smile for me. Tell me that you'll wait for me. Hold me like you'll never let me go. 'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane, don't know when I'll be back again. Oh, Babe, I hate to go."_

John continued on with the next verse and was assisted again with the chorus. John thought maybe he could just end it here but he could see Teyla taking in every word and her eyes showed gratitude along with a slight sheen of moisture. So he began the last verse.

"_Now the time has come to leave you, one more time let me kiss you. Close your eyes, I'll be on my way. Dream about the days to come, when I won't have to leave alone, about the time I won't have to say…"_

This time Teyla herself joined in with the others to sing,_ "So kiss me and smile for me…"_

She had definitely paid attention to the chorus the first two times they'd sung it. Julia started applauding as soon as they'd finished and said, "John, that was wonderful. John Denver had such great songs!"

"What are you talking about?" Dave argued. "That song is by Peter, Paul and Mary, right John?"

John shrugged, "You're both right. Peter, Paul and Mary released the song but it was written by John Denver."

Dave just shook his head. "I didn't realize."

"Most people don't," John confirmed.

Julia started talking about other songs by John Denver, stating the lyrics to 'Annie's Song' were among the most beautiful she'd ever heard. Dave had to add his two cents and the two of them debated music for a while.

John would normally have loved to get in on that conversation but his eyes were on Teyla as he put the guitar down. Torren ambled over and crawled into his lap. He knew the kid was probably exhausted but they were due to leave for the airport in just a few minutes.

"You ready to go for a little ride, Baby Bear?"

Torren nodded although John could tell he was fading. "Say goodbye to Josie, Pal, she's gonna stay here."

Torren ran over and gave Josie a big hug and kiss while Dave grabbed the bags and headed for the car. When Torren was snugly in John's lap and also going to the car, Teyla said her goodbye to Josie.

"Come back soon, sweetheart. John needs you here."

"I will try," Teyla promised and followed the rest outside.

John and Teyla carried on a conversation with Torren the whole way to the airport where Dave kept his private jet. They reminded him of all the things they'd done over the long weekend. John was hoping the happy memories would help in dealing with the fact that John wasn't going with them.

At the airstrip, the plane was fueled and already waiting outside the hangar. Dave drove as close as he could before parking the car and getting John settled in his chair. Dave and Julia gave quick kisses to Torren as they handed him over to John.

John could tell T.J. was starting to sense something wrong. It could be the bags being put on the plane or just the ongoing moods of all the adults. And Torren also had that connection with Teyla and he could tell Teyla was getting stressed.

He turned T.J. in his lap so they were facing each other and said, "We had a great time the last couple days, right?"

T.J. nodded and stuck his thumb in his mouth.

John swallowed hard and continued, "But now it's time for you and Mommy to go home. Do you understand?"

Torren's eyes got cloudy and around his thumb, he mumbled, "You tum home!"

John took a deep breath. "I _want_ to come home with you but see my legs, they still have big boo boos on them and I need to get them all better before I can come with you."

The extreme pout popped the boy's thumb out of his mouth and his eyes filled with tears. "I want you tum home!" His lower lip trembled as he said the words.

An immense weight settled on John as he watched this little boy, who meant so much to him, fill with misery. "I _want_ to come. I do!" insisted John. "But I _can't_ right now."

His voice was cracking and if the lump in his throat got any bigger he was afraid he might stop breathing. "As soon as you get back, you can see that message we made on the computer." He hoped that would tempt him but Torren just pushed himself up and wrapped his arms around John's neck in a stranglehold.

John's arms immediately wrapped around the child and one hand kept running down the back of Torren's head. John wasn't sure if he was doing it to calm T.J. or calm himself.

But Torren's sobs just increased in both volume and intensity and he kept hiccupping, "You … tum … home!"

John was ready to roll back to the car, Torren with him. He'd all but forgotten the three other adults standing there. Dave and Julia had stepped a bit to the side but Teyla was right in front of him, tears trickling down her face.

"Torren," she pleaded, "It is time for us to go. Please do not make this more difficult than it already is."

Torren didn't seem to hear her, just tightened his grip. John reached up to try and pry Torren's hands apart but he let out a blood curdling, "Nooooo!"

John knew he couldn't do it. He didn't have the strength, emotionally anyway.

"Listen T.J." John tried to sound stern but the gravel in his throat only made him sound pathetic. "It's time for you to go. I promise I'll try really hard to get my legs all better and come home as soon as I can, okay?"

John had to stop to take another deep breath. "I promise you."

The boy's chants of, "You … tum … home," just continued.

John's agonized eyes finally looked in Dave's direction as he barely rasped above a whisper, "You're gonna have to take him."

Dave didn't know how John was getting through this; _he _was having a hard enough time as it was. He moved reluctantly toward his brother and the inconsolable boy clinging to him. As Dave got the child's hands unclenched from the death grip, John got a look at T.J.'s red, blotchy face.

He moved his hand from the back of Torren's head to his cheek and fiercely claimed, "Remember, I love you, Baby Bear!"

T.J. stopped struggling and screaming for half a second, long enough to kiss John's face and cry, "I 'member. I luh you, Papa Bear!"

But as Dave moved him further away from John, the cries got louder and he started to plead, "Pease! You tum home! Pease! Pease!"

John's vision clouded over and he blinked a few times before it cleared. T.J. was now a few yards away and approaching the door of the plane. Dave was a big guy but John could tell he was struggling to hold him.

Teyla stepped in front of John's view and leaned down to touch her forehead to his. "I must leave as well." Her voice was very soft and breathy.

John slid his hands into her hair and pressed his lips to her cheek. "I'm sorry, Teyla. I'm sorry."

She was about to ask why when Torren's wails escalated again. She nodded and John ordered gruffly, "Go! Take care of him!"

John noted Dave hadn't gotten much further, probably waiting for Teyla to come along. Teyla gave Julia a quick hug then climbed into the plane. Torren was now lying almost limp in Dave's arms but his voice was still at top volume.

As Dave started to walk away again, Torren reached his arms out for John screaming, "Pease! Papa Bear! Pease!"

And as Dave climbed into the plane, John heard him sob, "I luh you, Papa Bear!"

Then John's vision was completely obscured and he rolled back a little and looked down. He was pretty sure he'd find a big hole in his chest where T.J. had just ripped his heart out. To his surprise, there wasn't even any blood.

Dave exited the plane a few minutes later and John could still hear Torren sobbing. The door was closed and the plane started taxiing for takeoff.

John couldn't watch the plane actually take off so he rolled back to the car and leaned his head weakly against it. He wondered how long you could stay alive when your heart was no longer beating inside you.

He stared at the door handle as he heard a plane engine whine behind him. He couldn't look to see if it was their plane. As his eyes glazed over he had thoughts of opening the door and then wondered how much it would hurt if he slammed the thing shut on his hand. Would it hurt enough to ease the agony that was coursing through his stomach making him want to retch?

He looked down at his hands and saw the still pink scars from where he'd cut them with the glass. Okay, it hadn't really worked then, it probably wouldn't work now. And one more incident like that and he could forget about ever getting back to Atlantis and T.J. and Teyla. They'd lock him up in a padded room with no windows.

He wasn't so sure they shouldn't anyway. He was John Sheppard, Mr. Control, Mr. Calm – the man who hid his emotions so deep an archeologist couldn't find them. So what had happened to him over the past few weeks? He'd completely lost control on so many levels.

Right now all he could think about was the six-pack Dave had put in the fridge last night. And he was thinking he wasn't going to share.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox

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	11. Chapter 11

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox

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"Just keep a close eye on him today, huh?" Dave asked Lisa when he dropped John off in the morning.

Lisa looked curious so Dave explained, "It was pretty rough when Teyla and T.J. left yesterday, mostly because T.J. did _not_ go willingly. I had to carry him kicking and screaming onto the plane crying for John." Dave let out a huge sigh.

"That must have killed him," Lisa sympathized. "How did he handle it?"

Dave sighed again and snorted, "Well, he got home and sucked down a six-pack in under an hour. That tell you how he felt?"

"Understandable. I'll stay close," Lisa replied.

"And call my cell if there are _any_ problems," Dave added.

Lisa nodded her promise and headed off to the OT therapy room where John had gone a few minutes ago. He'd done so well they'd cut his OT down to just twice a week as well as speech down to once a week. Lisa figured he'd be just about done with them soon.

She tried to strike up a conversation several times throughout the day but John simply gave her the shortest answer possible and continued his therapy.

John ate in the rec room but avoided everyone else and barely touched his food. The first and only spark of life came when Gertrude rolled over and showed him yesterday's paper.

"Look, you were in the paper, along with that pretty wife and cute little boy you have. Looks like you had fun."

There were half a dozen pictures of the PSI egg hunt in the Living Section. One of Dave and Torren posed to ring the bell to start the hunt and a close up of just Torren crouching in the grass to pick up an egg. There were several of different groups of children running through the field and one of Torren in John's lap, showing him an egg, with Teyla looking on, smiling.

The caption on the first one listed David Sheppard, president and CEO of PSI and his nephew Torren John (T.J.), while the last explained how T.J. was showing his parents, Teyla and Colonel John Sheppard, his hunting conquests.

John knew the papers had gotten the relationship wrong, probably because T.J. had called Dave, 'Uncle Dave'. But he honestly didn't care. He just missed them already and wondered if they'd arrived safely back in Atlantis. He figured it could be another week before another wormhole was opened to get e-mails back through.

Gertrude looked at John and pointed to the pictures of Torren and asked, "Did he have fun?"

John couldn't help the tiny smile that came to his face at the thought of T.J. "Yeah, he loved it."

"Where are they today?"

"They went home," John said and thought he might choke when he had to repeat it louder so Gertie could hear him. He looked around and realized many people were looking at him. He nodded at Gert and rolled out of the room, unable to bare the looks of pity from most of the faces in there.

He headed for the gym, right to the weights to pump out some frustration. He may have put no effort into his conversation skills today but Lisa noticed he put double effort into his physical therapies.

When Dave and Julia showed up a little after three o'clock, Lisa met them outside the rec room door.

"How was he?" Dave asked concerned.

"Very quiet," Lisa answered. "He barely said a word. Even Helen couldn't tease him into talking. But Josh was pretty impressed with what he managed today. He stayed standing for almost a minute and he was putting quite a bit of weight on his legs."

Julia smiled. "Teyla helped him practice a lot this weekend. I think they just liked holding onto each other."

Dave chuckled and nodded in agreement.

"Did they have a good weekend, though?" Lisa questioned.

"They had a _great_ time!" Julia confirmed. "The change in John's whole outlook was amazing."

Dave agreed. "I will admit it was nice seeing that old spark back in him."

"It's too bad they had to leave so soon," Lisa commented. "There was no way they could stay any longer, huh?"

"No, believe me, John tried," Dave said. "Red tape and all."

"Hopefully he'll start feeling better soon," Lisa said. "Dr. Lambert tried to talk to him a few time today and got completely shut down. Maybe in another few days."

Julia's eyes filled with sorrow. "Yeah, maybe once the memories start to fade of T.J. screaming for him as Dave carried him on the plane. And then when he yelled 'I love you' right before going in, I thought John was going to fall out of his chair. He actually put his hand up to his chest like someone had just stabbed him in the heart."

"After a few beers last night," Dave confided, "he told me he thought T.J. had ripped it right out."

Julia's eyes started to mist and she put her hands on Dave's arm. "Let's get him and bring him home."

They moved to the door and looked in to find John at the piano moving his fingers along the keys. Dave's smile was melancholy when he realized the song was 'Leaving on a Jet Plane'.

Julia walked right over to John, wrapped her arms around his neck from behind and kissed his cheek. "Hi honey, we came to take you home."

John looked up as Julia stepped back and returned the greeting. "Dave got steak for the grill tonight," Julia told him. "Hope you're hungry."

John looked at his watch, narrowed his eyes and gave a crooked grin. "Dave leaves work early and offers steak. He must have _really_ thought I'd do something stupid again, huh?"

"Or just Julia and I can have the steak," Dave threatened, "I'm sure there's a can of Spaghettio's somewhere in the back of the cabinet."

John just made a face and Julia grabbed the handles of his chair to move them toward the door. When they got near Lisa, who was filling out some paperwork, John stopped them and said, "I'll try and be a little more sociable tomorrow but … no promises."

Lisa gave a wide smile, "You're here to get better, Colonel, not entertain the nurses, so don't worry about it. Have a good night and I'll see you in the morning."

The ride home was quiet and the steaks good, even though Dave didn't think John ate anywhere near as much as he should have.

He told John that he'd had a talk with Ian during the day and the man was practically on his knees begging for another chance. John actually smirked at that and wished he had been a fly on the wall.

John spent some time in the pool working on the 'useless' muscles in his legs as he called them and then went straight to his room. When Dave checked on him a half hour later, he was already out cold.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

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"Did he finally go to sleep?" Jennifer asked Teyla as she entered her friend's quarters.

"Yes, finally," Teyla sighed. "I made a separate compilation for Torren and put the laptop next to his bed. It runs for almost an hour and has John singing several songs as well as reading Torren seven or eight stories. I am so thankful I thought to bring the recorder and even more thankful that I actually used it. I have several _hours_ of recordings to choose from."

Jennifer settled on the sofa next to Teyla in her new, very large living room and requested, "Okay, you need to tell me everything. Rodney and Ronon will be here in about thirty minutes so you have to fill me in on all the _good_ stuff before they get here."

"The _good_ stuff?" Teyla chuckled.

"Yes!" Jennifer insisted. "First, you _told_ him, right?"

"About Kanaan and I? Yes, I did."

Jennifer's eyes almost popped out of her head. "What did he do? What did he say?"

Teyla gave a coy little smile. "He was very concerned for my emotional well-being, and quite angry when I gave him all the information. It is a good thing for Kanaan that they are not in the same galaxy."

"A bit overprotective of you, huh?"

Teyla's eyes grew soft. "He pulled me in close and held me for quite some time after. He was upset and sorry that I had been hurt. It was very nice but also very strange. John was different in some ways. I am not sure why, perhaps the seriousness of his injury or the fact that we were not on Atlantis. He was often playful and at times I would say, almost suggestive."

"Really? So did he kiss you … or you know …anything more?"

Teyla glared at her friend. "No, aside from a kiss on the cheek when I left. However I sensed some very strong feelings in him."

"So you _connected_ with him while you were there?" Jennifer grinned.

"Our last night together, he wanted me to know how he felt but admitted to being very poor at communicating those feelings."

"Wait!" Jennifer stopped her. "He knew you could …?"

"Yes," Teyla said then explained how Julia had 'found her out'. "His feelings were very conflicted. I sensed great longing and desire in him but also a confusion as to how he should proceed in our relationship."

"At least it sounds like he's admitting there _is_ a relationship." Jennifer commented.

"The last night," Teyla murmured dreamily, "We fell asleep on the couch wrapped in each other's arms. It was … wonderful!"

Jennifer closed her eyes and drew in a deep sigh. She leaned forward and hugged Teyla. "See honey, things will work out."

Teyla's eyes got a moist sheen to them. "Except that it will most likely be close to four months before I am able to see him again."

"Why four months?"

"I have been invited to David and Julia's wedding."

Jennifer smiled and Teyla gave her more details about her trip specifically mentioning the hot tub incident and helping John get dressed and falling in his lap while watching cartoons. Jennifer relished every tidbit of information.

A short time later the door chimed and Rodney came in followed by Ronon.

"Okay," Rodney rubbed his hands together, "What's the scoop on Sheppard?

Teyla chuckled at Rodney's total lack of pleasantries. They all sat down as Teyla filled them in.

"As you saw on the recording John sent, he has made amazing progress from when he left here. His speech and upper body strength have almost completely returned. He still is unable to walk but he is now able to stand, with a good deal of assistance, for almost a minute."

Ronon scowled, "So when are these people gonna get him walking again?"

"Ronon, I know I explained this to you before," Jennifer said patiently, "But John has to get the upper body working first so he can hold up his weight until his legs can start supporting him. And it sounds like he is actually starting to put some weight on his legs."

"So he'll be walking soon?" Ronon questioned.

Jennifer just rolled her eyes.

"He is progressing at a rate much quicker than any of the doctors predicted," Teyla assured Ronon.

"So," Rodney jumped in, "did you get any info on why his hands were all bandaged? Chuck bugged me three times today to make sure I got the scoop from you. I said it was hot coffee burns. Was it? Did he spill hot coffee on his hands? Cause if he did, that would make _me_ the winner!"

"No, Rodney, it was not hot coffee."

"I said he punched someone," Ronon said raising his eyebrow and grinning.

Teyla sighed. "No, he did not punch anyone."

"Well …?" Rodney said impatiently, "Give!"

"You may tell Chuck that he accidentally got cut on some broken glass," Teyla said simply.

"But that's not really what happened, is it?" Ronon surmised.

Rodney and Jennifer looked at Teyla, concern written on their faces.

"That is the official version," Teyla insisted. "I will tell you what really happened but it must remain with us, do you understand?"

They all looked serious as they agreed.

"It was on Torren's birthday," Teyla began, "He was apparently upset at missing that when he got Major Lorne's e-mail telling him Colonel Armstrong had replaced him. Both of these occurrences, along with several other mishaps, and the constant frustration of his immobility, caused John to …"

Teyla paused to find the right word but Rodney finished for her. "Oh my God! He flipped out, didn't he?"

"Lost it!" Ronon guessed also.

Teyla responded with only the slightest of nods.

"What did he do?" Jennifer asked concerned.

Teyla took a deep breath then answered, "He destroyed his room. He threw things and yelled obscenities at anyone who attempted to enter. John himself admitted it was not pretty."

"But the hands?" Rodney looked confused.

"One of the things he smashed was a glass vase. Apparently he picked up some of the glass and was holding it tightly in his hands for quite some time."

Jennifer's eyes opened wide. "Why would he do that? And the bandages were quite a ways up one arm. How did that happen?"

Teyla looked troubled as she replied slowly, "John … cut himself with the glass."

"On purpose?" Rodney was horrified. "You mean he was trying to … on purpose?"

"David said John did not remember doing it. He remembers it happening but … John was very confused by the time David calmed him down. They had to sedate him for the night and the next day he was mortified when he remembered some of what happened."

"See, this is why he should be here with his friends," Rodney stated. "We could have been here for him and helped him through it."

"Actually, Rodney," Teyla told him, "I think John is glad he was not here. He does not wish for people to see him like this. Even on his planet, he refuses to stay in his wheelchair unless he is moving from one location to another. He does not like to be seen as weak or crippled."

"But we wouldn't …" Rodney argued.

"I know, Rodney," Teyla replied. "We are his closest friends. But he leads _many_ on this base and he does not wish to appear weak in _their_ eyes."

Rodney seemed to realize what Teyla was saying. She knew John was concerned about his reputation on base even before he was injured. He had sent her an e-mail that she had gotten when she'd arrived back yesterday. John must have written and sent it before she and Torren had gone through the Stargate to come back.

He had asked her to send word that they were both back safe in Atlantis as soon as she could. He had also apologized for being such an emotional mess while they'd been visiting. He'd asked her not to share that information with anyone since he liked his reputation as a cold-hearted bastard and wanted to keep it that way. He had signed off saying he missed them already.

Teyla knew no one on base thought of him as a cold-hearted bastard, not anyone who had seen him with Torren or his friends. But there were many who felt he kept his emotions tightly under wraps which at times could make him appear as if he were emotionless.

"So, how is he? Really?" Rodney asked seriously. "And I don't mean physically."

"He was quite thankful for our visit and his spirits seemed good while we were there. He spent much of his time with Torren and the two of them had a wonderful time."

"Like they always do," Jennifer added.

"I did get an opportunity to get better acquainted with David and his fiancée, Julia. We had many conversations while John and Torren were playing. David did say John has been quite depressed and extremely frustrated even though he has progressed faster than expected."

Ronon snorted, "Sheppard always has been a little impatient."

"Oh, like you'd be fine going that long without walking," Rodney challenged.

"Nah!" Ronon said. "I would have shot myself long before now."

"I disagree, Ronon," Teyla said. "You spent many years running from the Wraith. At any time you could have just given up and allowed yourself to be captured. Or you could have ended your own life which would have ended your suffering. But you did not."

"I couldn't let the bastards win!" Ronon spat out.

"And John will not allow this injury to win, either, even though at times he may feel unable to go on."

"Yeah, I felt like that at times, too," Ronon admitted. "Sometimes, I thought I might …"

"Slice your wrist open with a piece of glass," Rodney interrupted morosely.

They all grew quiet at that thought.

"Is there anything that we can do?" Jennifer asked.

"We should send him e-mails on a regular basis so he knows we are thinking of him. It will keep him occupied sending a response back to us. Torren and I have already sent him a video recording tonight as well as last night. We will try to do one each night if at all possible."

"You know I'm uh … kinda busy," Rodney mentioned. "Not sure I can do one-a-day messaging."

"I realize that, Rodney," Teyla said patiently. "However, perhaps you could find a few minutes in your very busy schedule to make a short recording once a week. I had even thought of recording one of our mealtime conversations occasionally to send."

Jennifer applauded, "That way he'd realize he's not really missing much."

"Just McKay complaining about how much he does and how all the other scientists are idiots," Ronon quipped.

"It just so happens I do a lot of work," Rodney defended. "And the other scientists _are_ all idiots."

The others just laughed but agreed that they should keep in contact with John more often.

Teyla gave them more details about her trip and the things that she and Torren did while on Earth. She told them about how excited he was with the egg hunt and his Easter Basket.

"Oh!" Rodney's ears perked up at that. "Did he already eat all his candy?"

Teyla shook her head. "There was far too much of it. John made sure the Easter Bunny delivered a very full basket first thing in the morning. He collected many eggs during the hunt and then Julia's family provided him with even more when we were celebrating with them."

Teyla got up, grabbed a basket from the counter that separated the living room from the kitchen area and put it on the table. "You are welcome to have some if you would like. I do not think Torren needs to eat all of these sweets."

Rodney snatched the basket first and began poking his finger through the contents.

"Rodney! What are you doing?" Jennifer scolded. "Just pick something and get your fingers out of the basket."

"I'm just looking for the orange jelly beans," he explained.

"Oh, John ate all the orange jelly beans. Apparently they are his favorite. And Torren gave all the black ones to David. John told Torren they were _yucky_ so he did not want them."

"Thanks Sheppard," Rodney grouched. "Get rid of all the good ones."

Teyla chuckled, "John tried to coerce _me_ several times with jelly beans."

Jennifer looked at her curiously, "Coerce you to do what?"

Teyla sighed, "He wished for us to stay longer. I told him I did not think Mr. Woolsey would understand if I did not return due to jelly beans."

"What are these jelly beans you guys are talking about?" Ronon growled.

Teyla took the basket from a reluctant Rodney and handed it to Ronon. "The small round confections at the bottom."

Ronon pulled out a handful and popped them in his mouth. "Very sweet, probably wouldn't fill you up, though."

"They aren't meant to, Ronon," Jennifer told him. "They're just candy."

Teyla let them each take a few more pieces then put the basket back in the kitchen for Torren.

"You said you had quite a bit of video from your visit," Jennifer reminded Teyla. "Can we see some of it?"

"I thought I would try and edit it first," Teyla said. "I do not believe everyone would be interested in seeing John read a variety of bedtime stories to Torren. Or see John singing Old MacDonald while he plays that instrument."

Teyla looked thoughtful. "I cannot remember the name. You press a variety of black and white … _keys_ I believe you call them."

"A piano!" Rodney shouted surprised. "Are you telling me Sheppard plays the piano?"

Teyla nodded. "He is quite talented with this instrument."

Rodney snorted, "Talented at playing 'Old MacDonald'. You know I play the piano. I was pretty good, too. _And_ I could play more than 'Old MacDonald'."

Teyla grabbed her laptop and the memory card from her camcorder and put them on the table. "I will show you."

She set them up so they would play on the large screen across the room and fast forwarded through a few minutes of recording.

When they saw John and Torren on the floor with the 'city' they built, Jennifer gasped, "Look at that room! It's huge and beautiful."

Teyla stopped forwarding and allowed the others to see this part of the recording as she scanned the room and asked about the piano.

"Is this Dave's house?" Jennifer asked.

"Yes," Teyla answered. "It is the house John grew up in."

"One of the houses," Ronon added. "That's what he told me. The place was huge."

"And that's a grand piano!" Rodney cried. "You know how much those things cost?"

They watched as the recording now showed John sitting at the piano playing some children's songs for Torren.

Jennifer smiled, "He does know how to play!"

"Right! Like 'Old MacDonald' and 'Twinkle Little Star' are such classics," Rodney snarked.

But then he started a new tune and Jennifer gasped, "Oh, it's Snoopy!"

Rodney chuckled, "I prefer to think of it as Charlie Brown. I always felt bad for ole Chuck, so full of wisdom but completely misunderstood." Rodney listened for another minute then commented, "You know, he is pretty good. I wonder why he never told us he could play."

"You know John, Rodney," Teyla said, "He does not like to boast of his accomplishments."

Rodney just shook his head. "Yeah, I never did understand that about him."

Rodney's eyes popped open further when John started playing Beethoven and Jennifer had to keep him from falling off his seat when 'Flight of the Bumblebee' came on.

"Holy Crap!" Rodney yelled. "You weren't kidding when you said he had talent. That is amazing; especially since just a few months ago he couldn't even move his fingers."

"Apparently the doctors feel his recovery has been quicker because John has put in more effort than is typical. Plus David has arranged for John to have much more therapy than he would have gotten had he remained in a Military Hospital."

Rodney shook his finger and said, "See, there are definite advantages to being wealthy. I personally wouldn't know about them."

"Stop complaining, Rodney," Jennifer scolded. "Just be glad John has a brother who's willing to provide him with the treatment he needs to recover as quickly as possible."

Teyla sighed and said, "Yes, we should all be thankful for that."

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox

.

"Hey, Doc," John said as he poked his head into Lambert's office. "You got a few minutes?"

Dr. Lambert chuckled, "You've got an hour scheduled three times a week, Colonel, not just a few minutes."

John looked sheepish. "Is that a dig because I haven't talked to you in over a week?"

"Not at all, Colonel, not at all. Come on in. Hope you don't mind, I'm just finishing up my lunch."

At John's reticence, he insisted, "Come in!"

He got up from his desk and closed the door behind John then grabbed the rest of his sandwich and sat in one of the comfortable chairs across the room. John rolled closer to him and just sat staring at his hands in his lap.

John wasn't sure where to begin, wasn't sure why he was even in here. It definitely wasn't because it was a direct order from General Landry. Since Teyla and Torren had left he'd just had this big empty spot inside him and it wouldn't go away.

He didn't even know if they'd gotten back safely, although if they hadn't he was sure Carter or someone would have contacted him. They had left a week ago today and he knew Atlantis only sent scheduled mission reports once a week.

He was hoping in the next day or so he'd hear something. But even if he did, it wouldn't change the fact that Teyla and Torren were gone.

"I'm not sure why I came in here," John told him truthfully. "I don't even know what I want to say."

Dr. Lambert just smiled as he finished his last bite of sandwich. "Why don't you tell me about the visitors you had Easter weekend. I saw them come in and it seemed like quite an emotional reunion."

"That was Teyla and T.J. if you hadn't already figured that out,' John supplied. "They left last Monday."

"So I guess it's _not_ impossible to get people here from another galaxy."

"Not impossible, no," John replied. "Just not always easy, either."

"I have to tell you, when you said you'd been living in another galaxy, I wasn't sure what to expect if I ever saw them."

John gave a wry smile. "They're human, Doc, regardless of where they're from."

"Of course, of course," he said. "So tell me about your weekend."

John gave him the Cliff Notes version of the weekend activities.

"Did you enjoy their visit?"

"I think that's my problem," John confessed, "I enjoyed it too much and now they're gone."

"Tough goodbye?"

"You have no idea!" John sighed. "T.J. did _not_ want to go. My brother, Dave, had to actually pull him off me and carry him onto the plane." John closed his eyes and shook his head at the painful memory. "And he just kept crying and yelling for me, pleading for me to go with him."

John felt a huge lump in his throat start to form, probably the same one he'd gotten every time he'd thought about T.J.'s goodbye scene. He looked down at his hands that he'd been wringing intensely in his lap.

"So, how did you feel about his reaction? Would you have preferred he just walk quietly onto the plane?"

"Well, if he did," John replied bitterly, "I'd at least still have a heart beating inside my chest."

Dr. Lambert looked surprised. "You don't now?"

John shook his head sadly. "It sure doesn't feel like it."

John closed his eyes and took another deep breath. "I can't stand seeing him so upset. He was seriously hysterical."

"I'm curious, Colonel, by your admission your relationship with this boy is that of his mother's friend and teammate, correct?"

John gave a shrug and a nod.

"The reaction you described doesn't seem typical of that kind of relationship. Tell me, what exactly was he crying or yelling to you?"

John looked almost scared to relive that moment for a second then told him, "He just kept repeating, 'You come home' and then he added, 'please' about a million times. Then right before he got on the plane …"

John had to stop and attempt to swallow the words that were stuck in his throat.

"What did he say then?" prompted Lambert.

"I love you, Papa Bear," John barely got out in a raspy whisper.

Lambert gave John a few moments of quiet before he asked his next question. "Papa Bear?"

John gave Lambert a quick rundown of The Three Bears being T.J.'s favorite story and how often they read it.

"So, do you call him Baby Bear?"

John grinned and said, "Yeah, sometimes."

Lambert noticed John's face soften a bit at this revelation. He still had so many questions regarding Colonel Sheppard's relationships. "I have to tell you, Colonel, from where I'm sitting, the relationship you have with this child is as close as any father and son, yet you say he's not yours."

John shook his head quickly.

"What does this child's father think of your relationship with his son?"

"I'm not sure he gives it a whole lot of thought," John responded dryly.

"Really? Teyla has a relationship with this man?"

A grin appeared on John's face as he said, "Not anymore."

Lambert's raised eyebrow had John explaining Teyla's relationship with Kanaan and what she had told him during her visit.

"How do you feel about this break up?"

"_Glad_ she's rid of him," John answered honestly. "_Pissed_ that he treated her the way he did_, annoyed_ it took this long for them to realize they no longer even have a relationship." John paused for a second before he could finish answering. "I think I'm also completely amazed that … maybe she might feel for me even a little bit of what I feel for her."

"What _do_ you feel for her?"

"A whole lot!" John sighed.

Lambert chuckled at this. "Why don't you tell me a little about her? When you first met her, what did you think?"

"That she was absolutely gorgeous!" John stated as if it were obvious.

"Okay, that's a visual opinion," Lambert laughed. "How about a little later?"

John's eyes moved up in remembrance. "She was an obvious leader among her people and highly respected by them. Made _me_ want to earn her respect. She sized up my CO fairly quick and her opinion wasn't that different from mine. That moved her up a few notches in my book as well for being able to read people pretty fast."

"So you don't have much respect for this CO?"

"That was six years ago," John said and his eyes lowered to his hands again. "He died two days after we met Teyla."

Lambert noticed Sheppard's eyes wouldn't meet his at this revelation. Definitely something to pursue further at another time. "Tell me what Teyla's like. How would you describe her? And I don't mean physically. I got a good look at her and I agree she is quite stunning."

John adjusted himself in his chair for a second then started, "Teyla is unique in so many ways, mostly because she has so many qualities about her that you'd never expect to co-exist inside the same person."

"Tell me about them."

"Well, you look at her and she seems so tiny and feminine, then you see her in action and realize she can beat the crap out of a half dozen Marines … all at once. She's an amazing diplomat and can negotiate her way through the most difficult proceedings and always walk away from the table having achieved her objective. But I've seen her get her way by holding a knife to someone's throat as well. And she knows when it's best to use each method, too."

"Wow!" was all Lambert could get out.

"And she's one of the bravest people I've ever met. She and her people have gone through more in their lives than anyone should ever have to endure, yet she goes on day after day always as optimistic as she can be. And she keeps those fears and upsets deep inside so others don't see. Well… most others don't see."

"Who does she let see?"

"There have been times that she's reached out looking for comfort."

"From you?" Lambert clarified.

John nodded.

"You know the emotional hiding thing, sound like anyone else you know, Colonel?" Lambert teased.

John's eyes gleamed and he returned, "I don't know what you're talking about."

Lambert smiled. "Do _you_ ever reach out looking for comfort, Colonel, or do you go it alone all the time?"

John looked thoughtful for a minute then answered, "For a long time I would have said I never reached out for anyone but since T.J.'s become so important to me … Just holding that kid can make so much pain go away. It's unbelievable. If everyone had a child to hold, you'd be out of a job, Doc."

"And if everyone had your kind of relationship with their kids, the world would be a much better place."

They sat quietly for a minute, John wondering what alien entity had inhabited his body for him to talk so much about his feelings. Maybe a little part of Thalen had come back.

He could still remember screaming inside his own head as Teyla stood pointing her P-90 at him. And Thalen had dug around in his mind until he'd found the weakness he thought would work to keep Teyla from pulling the trigger. '_If you kill me, you're killing him.' _

Those words had made Teyla pause but not completely, so Thalen had pulled out the big confession. '_He cares for you more than you know_. He had cringed at those words wondering how they would affect their working relationship. But Teyla had never brought them up and he certainly hadn't.

Now he almost wished he had. Maybe he and Teyla would have been together years ago and Kanaan would never have been in the picture. But without Kanaan there would be no T.J. and John just couldn't imagine not having that little boy in his life. He was having a hard enough time living without him for just a few months.

There were so many _what if's_ and different scenarios that John couldn't even begin to rewrite what history would have been like. He had to stay in the present and decide where he wanted to go from here.

"You look lost in thought, Colonel. Care to share?"

John smirked. "Just thinking I need to stay in the present and figure out what I want for the future instead of dwelling on things I should have done in the past."

Lambert nodded his head and commented, "That's a healthy attitude to have, Colonel."

"Glad you think so, Doc. It'll keep me from that Section 8 a little longer, huh?"

"Colonel, you're the only one who keeps insinuating that you're crazy. Any reason for that?"

John just shrugged. "It's just that I'm not one who typically gets all emotional over things. I prefer to keep that stuff … hidden, you know."

"Yes, I _have_ figured that out," Lambert snickered.

John continued, "But since I've been injured, man, my emotions have been all over the place. When Teyla and T.J. first got here and then when they left, I uh … kinda had a hard time keeping it all in, you know."

"Yes, I saw you, Colonel and you were hardly inappropriate," Lambert informed him. "You looked just like anyone else would, greeting loved ones you hadn't seen in a while."

John cocked his head to one side. "Let's not forget my whole flip out a few weeks earlier."

"We've already discussed that and decided it was perfectly understandable considering the circumstances," Lambert responded. "I don't think there's any sense dwelling on it, unless you want to."

"No, pretty much like to forget it, thanks." John looked uncomfortable and cleared his throat. "I, uh … probably took up more time than I should have, Doc. Thanks for listening to me ramble."

Lambert chuckled, "It's what I'm here for. And don't feel like you have to wait for your scheduled time. If I don't have anyone in here and you need to talk, please feel free to stop in."

"Okay, Doc, but hopefully three times a week will be enough," John said. "I, uh … apologize for not coming in last week but their leaving was still so fresh, I could still hear T'J.'s cries echoing in my head. There was no way I could have talked about it at that point."

"I consider the fact that you came in on your own today a step in the right direction."

John looked ironically down at his motionless legs and said, "I guess _any_ step I can make right now is a good thing."

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

"Hey, where'd you get the popcorn?" shouted Dusty Mehra. "I thought the PX was all out until the Daedelus arrives next week."

Teyla took another bite as she moved over to make room for the Sergeant on the couch. "Colonel Sheppard sent back quite a large supply with me when I returned from Earth last week. He knows how much I enjoy it." She offered some to her friend.

"Lucky you!" Dusty snarled facetiously. "The rest of us don't have your connections. How is the Colonel? I'd heard he's a lot better than when he left here."

"He is," Teyla smiled her reply. "He has made vast improvements and the doctors feel he _should_ recover completely and in less time than was originally predicted."

"Oh, that's great!" Mehra sighed then looked around the rec room noticing there were only a few others who had arrived so far for the upcoming movie.

She leaned in closer to Teyla and whispered conspiratorially, "Most of us can't wait until Sheppard comes back, especially those of us who have been with him for a while. The newbies don't know the difference but a lot of us were spoiled with the Colonel. The man knows _exactly_ what's going on in Pegasus and how to deal with it. Armstrong may be a great commander back on Earth but here he doesn't know his galactic ass from his elbow."

"That's insubordination, Sergeant!" a voice snapped from close behind Mehra's shoulder and she almost jumped off the couch, her face pale. Until she realized it was Major Lorne behind her and he was grinning from ear to ear.

She made a face at him and said, "Don't tell me you don't feel the same way, Sir, because I know you do."

Lorne's eyes narrowed as he replied, "You'll never hear it from my lips, though, will you, especially not in a place so public."

Dusty swallowed nervously and said, "Understood, Sir!"

Lorne just nodded and moved to take one of the chairs lined up close to the front, next to Laura Cadman.

"Where's the little guy tonight?" Major Ann Teldy asked as she plopped down on the other side of Teyla. "How'd you manage a night out without him?"

"Hello, Ann," Teyla greeted her friend. "Ronon and Amelia offered to stay with him. I do not believe they will be able to get him to sleep but perhaps Ronon can wear him out enough so it will be easier when I get back."

"He's not usually up late like that, is he?" Dusty questioned. "I thought you put him to bed pretty early."

"Yes, that is my goal," Teyla replied. "However, since John has been away it has been much more difficult. He has such a gift for putting Torren to sleep. And since we came back from Earth, Torren has been almost inconsolable at bedtime."

"Why's that?" Dusty asked.

"He was just getting used to not having John around. Then he spent four nights with _John_ putting him to sleep again. Two of those nights he actually slept in John's bed."

"And where did _you_ sleep?" Dusty asked suggestively.

Teyla's eyes flew open. "Dusty!"

"Oh, come on," Dusty defended herself. "You and Torren's father aren't together anymore. And don't tell me you hadn't noticed how hot the Colonel is."

"Sergeant!" Teldy scolded but Dusty just smirked.

"Everybody thinks it, admit it. But we don't do anything about it because he's our CO." She looked boldly at Teyla. "But _you're_ not military."

"They are on the same team," Teldy reminded her.

Dusty just rolled her eyes and repeated softly, "So, where _did _you sleep?"

"In a room across the hallway from Colonel Sheppard's," Teyla answered smugly.

"Every night?" Dusty checked.

Teyla was about to answer in the affirmative when she remembered where she'd spent the last night. Her mouth closed and her eyes looked away as her cheeks turned pink. She quickly looked around to see that the room was filling up. Luckily, most people seemed intent on their own discussions and weren't paying much attention to the three women on the couch in the back of the room.

Ann looked curiously at her and said, "Teyla? Something you want to share with us?"

"It is _not _what you think. John and I did not … we simply fell asleep on the couch."

"On opposite ends of it, no doubt, not even touching," Dusty teased.

Teyla flushed and answered, "Not exactly."

Ann started getting curious now and lowered her voice. "So are you and the Colonel now …?" She wasn't sure exactly how to put it so she let the sentence dangle.

Teyla searched the room again for signs of people interested in their conversation and gave a half shrug. "No words were actually spoken in that regard."

Dusty's eyebrows rose. "Sometimes that's the best way to communicate."

Before any of the women could make another comment, Rodney walked in the room demanding attention like he always did.

"Okay, people, listen up!" he started. "I know you were supposed to see two movies tonight but let's face it, the first one was pretty lame."

Several people booed at this but many gave some sort of agreement so Rodney continued, "So with your permission, I thought I'd show you some of Teyla's vacation video with our illustrious leader."

Quite a few cheers went up but Teyla's voice rose above them. "Rodney, these people do not wish to see John reading bedtime stories to Torren."

"Oh, see, that's why I got rid of those when I made this mix. I also took out Sheppard singing 'Old MacDonald'."

He looked again at the crowd. "Interested?" and at the positive response answered, "I thought so."

He inserted the disc into the equipment and someone lowered the lights. "Now there's not much of a plot," Rodney quipped, "but I think you'll find the characters pretty familiar and _somewhat _likeable."

"Oh, thank you, Rodney!" Teyla snapped sarcastically.

The screen came on showing John and Torren rolling a plastic ball back and forth to each other outside. Within a short time Dave and Teyla entered the picture.

"Who's that?" someone yelled and Teyla replied, "That is David, Colonel Sheppard's brother. It is his house the Colonel is staying at while he recovers."

"Nice place!" another voice stated as the camera followed the action and showed much of the property from the paddocks to the house.

"It's where Sheppard grew up, too," Rodney pointed out.

Rodney had cut some of the recording to keep from getting too bored watching the same thing. When Ann and Dusty saw the part where John fell back on Teyla, they looked knowingly at her and gave her sly smiles.

There were a few minutes of John and Torren playing with trains and blocks and then the part where they were in the pool came on. The first sign of Teyla in her swimsuit garnered a few cat calls and whistles and Teyla just rolled her eyes and put up with it. But the opposite sex got their whistles in when John finally pulled himself out of the pool to lean back, bare chested, on the steps.

Dusty leaned over Teyla and addressed Teldy, "Go ahead, Major, look at that and tell me he's not hot. Cause you'd be _lying_!"

Teldy whispered fiercely back, "Those are not appropriate thoughts to be having about your CO, _Sergeant,_" she emphasized the lower rank then looked at Teyla then back to Mehra again.

"And maybe there are people who prefer you _not_ to be ogling the Colonel's _admittedly _very nice looking chest."

Dusty looked aghast at Teyla who grinned and warned, "As long as _looking_ is all that you do."

Ann was intrigued again. "So are you staking a claim, Teyla?"

"I do not think it appropriate to say anything at this time. The Colonel's return is still a long way off."

The next clips were of Torren showing John the Easter eggs at the egg hunt. The sight of John in the wheelchair with Torren in his lap elicited another round of responses.

"Look at the Colonel in a suit, Wow!"

"He cleans up pretty well."

"Is he stealing Torren's candy?"

"Is he in the wheelchair all the time?"

"Can he walk or stand at all, yet?"

Teyla made a few comments to reply to some of the people. "The Colonel is not able to walk yet at all; however he _has_ begun attempting to stand. He is determined that he will fully recover, though it may be some time before he is well enough to return."

Quite a few moans and groans echoed through the room and Teyla smiled at how many people wanted John to return.

The last part of the clip that Rodney included was John playing the piano, Torren sitting beside him. Teyla was not sure John would appreciate everyone seeing him perform but knew it was too late to stop it now.

They saw a short part of John finishing 'Oh my Darling, Clementine' then he segued into the 'Charlie Brown Theme'.

"Oh, I love Snoopy!"

"This song is great!"

"I didn't know the Colonel could play the piano."

"Well, it's not like we have a piano around here for him _to_ actually play."

When John was playing Beethoven, Woolsey walked in and commented, "Oh, I thought we were playing 'Encino Woman' so I didn't hurry. If I had known we'd be listening to classical music, I would have come earlier."

"It's Teyla's video from her time on Earth,' Rodney supplied.

"Oh," Woolsey replied, surprised. "Where did you see the pianist?" He obviously hadn't looked closely at the large screen at the front of the room.

"It's Colonel Sheppard," a few voices filled in for him.

Woolsey finally took a good look at the image and exclaimed, "My goodness! It is Colonel Sheppard! I had no idea he could play the piano."

"No one did."

"He's very good," commented Woolsey.

"Just wait," Rodney teased them.

Everyone now watched as John flexed his fingers and started playing 'Flight of the Bumblebee'. Not a sound could be heard even a few seconds after the music stopped and the recording ended. Finally a few people started clapping and the whole room joined in along with quite a bit of murmuring.

"That was amazing!"

"I would never have guessed that of Colonel Sheppard."

We should get a piano here and make him play for us, once he gets back."

Teyla heard all the comments but merely said to her companions, "Colonel Sheppard would not play for a large group. He only started playing to entertain Torren. I believe he moved on to more difficult pieces as a way of proving to himself that his motor skills had returned."

After a few more minutes of chatting and people asking Teyla questions, they began the movie for the night, 'Regarding Henry'.

Teyla enjoyed it but it hit a little too close to home. The movie was about a man in a rehabilitation center, recovering from a tragic accident. There was much murmuring and speculation as to whether Sheppard was going through any of what Harrison Ford, or his character Henry, had gone through.

Teyla left as soon as the movie was over not really wanting to get into a discussion with anyone at the moment. She walked into the living area to find Ronon and Amelia with their arms around each other, snuggled close.

Amelia jumped right up as soon as she saw Teyla but Ronon just continued to stay slouched on the sofa. "You're back a bit earlier than I thought. How were the movies?"

"They were fine," Teyla hedged not wanting to get too involved in an explanation. "Where is Torren? Did you actually manage to get him to sleep?"

"Yeah," Ronon answered. "We did a whole lot of playing and wrestling then gave him that shirt of Sheppard's and put the computer on in his room. About four stories in, he fell asleep."

Teyla looked surprised but Amelia added, "What Ronon didn't tell you is the poor thing spent most of those stories crying for Colonel Sheppard. I tried rubbing his back to get him to stop but the tears kept coming. I don't know how you've been dealing with it."

"It has been difficult," Teyla agreed. "I am glad we visited for John's sake, but I am not sure I could put my son through that again. The departure was heart wrenching for both Torren and John."

Teyla peeked in at her son then returned to the living room. "Thank you, Ronon, Amelia for staying with Torren tonight and allowing me some time to myself. It is very much appreciated."

Amelia gave Teyla a hug and Ronon patted her on the shoulder as he offered, "Anytime. I like helping out and Torren's a great kid. Besides, Sheppard would have my hide if I didn't."

Teyla thanked them again and they left. She gathered the laptop from Torren's room and brought it to her own and set it on the bed. She quickly got ready to sleep then slid under the covers. She moved the laptop closer and pressed a few keys.

She retrieved the part of the recording when she, John and Torren were snuggled in the grass together. She rewound and played several times, always freezing the frame in the same spot. John had his arm around her and his other hand on Torren who was sitting in her lap.

Julia had downloaded that image onto her computer so she could make a picture for John. Teyla had to agree it was the perfect image.

She pressed a few more keys and saved the image then applied it as her background on the computer. She turned the lights off in the room and set the computer on the bedside table so she could see the picture. She closed her eyes remembering when the picture was taken. With the memory of John's arm around her, she slipped into a peaceful slumber.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxo


	12. Chapter 12

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"How long do I have to stay for this thing?" John whined as they took the elevator up to Dave's office suite.

Dave looked apologetically down at John, "It'll probably last for a few hours but I promise I'll have you back for your afternoon PT."

John still didn't look thrilled so Dave added, "I'll get you extra PT over the weekend if you really want it. But you've been pushing yourself awfully hard, John. You really need to give your body a rest occasionally."

John gave a slight nod as he rolled down the hall next to Dave. He knew his brother was right. He'd been obsessed with getting back on his feet ever since Teyla and T.J. left and that was more than a month ago. But, damn it, he was still in this freakin' wheelchair, at least in public.

He'd managed to get his legs actually holding his weight. The challenge now was moving them forward while they were holding him up. He could do it with a walker but he was still incredibly slow and very reliant on the walker. So when he was going someplace, like today, he took the wheelchair. The walker was saved for rehab and home where it didn't matter if he looked pathetic.

They approached Dave's outer office and Mrs. Tucker smiled a greeting at both Sheppard men.

"Is everything ready for the stockholder's meeting, Mrs. Tucker?"

"Absolutely, Mr. Sheppard. The coffee should be finished brewing just about now."

Dave moved to his office and John stopped him before he entered. "Are you sure you really need me here? Most of these people are used to dealing with only one Sheppard. I'm really just surplus."

"Yes, John, I really need you here. You are, after all, the second largest stockholder in the company."

"I told you we could fix that, right?"

"I'm not _taking_ or even buying your shares," Dave argued. "Besides you're the one who recommended _against_ buying out MP Systems until we got a better look at their books. I can tell you there'll be some people at this meeting today that will fight that decision. I need you there to explain the reasons behind the wait."

"It's just numbers, Dave," John reasoned.

"I know," Dave agreed. "That's why I need you here today. You're the only person I know who can look at a spreadsheet and see if things balance in a matter of minutes. It would take my accountants hours and hours to do what you do in no time. And if someone decides to throw some new information at us today, I want you there to look closely at it."

"Fine," John sighed. "Do you have a copy of those reports I can look at? I'll get myself settled in the conference room and go over them again before the meeting starts."

"There are copies in the conference room on the back table, Colonel," Mrs. Tucker provided and John smiled his thanks.

He rolled down the hall toward the conference room and couldn't help but pause outside Ian's area. He didn't say anything, he never did, just stared at the guy for a few moments, his eyes narrowed and a half smirk appeared on his face. He'd done it the last few times he was here and he thought he was really starting to freak the guy out. He didn't care, though, not after what he'd said to Teyla.

John settled himself at the opposite end of the table from where Dave would sit and on the side furthest from the door. This way he could check out everyone as they came in.

He tried to push the wheelchair as far away from the table as possible but didn't get too far until Mrs. Tucker came in and moved it to the corner for him. She handed him a few more binders and said, "Your brother was hoping you might have time to look over these proposals as well before the meeting starts."

John just groaned and said, "Sure."

A cup of strong, black coffee and a pastry was placed in front of him and he looked up and said, "You're spoiling me, Mrs. Tucker. I could get used to this, you know."

Mrs. Tucker smiled. "Your brother mentioned a few times over the last couple months how much he'd love it if you came to work here with him. I know you'd be a fabulous asset."

John just shook his head and gave a small chuckle. Dave had finagled John into actually doing some work for him lately. He was sneaky about it, though. A few times he'd picked him up from rehab around 3:30 and told him he needed to stop back at the office for something. John would end up in Dave's office thumbing through some conveniently placed folders or other business reports. Then Dave would ask what he thought. It had all been very casual at first.

Then Dave had started showing John stuff at home and asking his opinion. John knew nothing about business but he knew about numbers. And the numbers either worked, or they didn't.

He hadn't really wanted to get so involved but Dave had been so good to him, taking him in, paying for the extensive therapies and rehab he was going through. He figured the least he could do was look through a few proposals and business reports.

John just smiled up at Mrs. Tucker. Let them think what they wanted. When these legs were better he'd be back on Atlantis and it couldn't be too soon.

John spent the next hour looking at the reports in front of him then the stockholders started coming in. The first one he recognized right away and smiled when the older gentleman approached him.

"John! Dave said you'd be here. It's great to see you!"

"Hey, Uncle George," John shook the man's hand. "How've you been?"

This was his mother's brother and John hadn't seen the man since his marriage to Nancy. It was too bad; he'd always liked the guy.

His uncle sat next to him and said, "Dave told me you'd been seriously injured on the job. You okay now?"

"Getting there," John answered. He looked toward the wheelchair in the corner. "We got the top half working all right. Now we just have to get the bottom half moving."

They chatted a bit more as Uncle George filled him in on his Aunt Mary and what his two cousins were up to. During this time the room started to fill up. Most people were in business suits and John felt slightly underdressed in his well worn button down and khaki pants. At least the sneakers were hidden under the table.

He grinned as he watched Dave standing right outside the doorway greeting people as they came in. He was a natural at this sort of thing. John never could get over his own social awkwardness enough to ever do anything like that.

The meeting was due to start any minute when John noticed Dave greeting a woman with long, dark hair. Nancy.

She moved into the room and took a seat fairly close to Dave's end of the table but on the same side as John. John didn't think she'd even noticed he was here and there were at least ten people between them on their side of the table.

He then remembered that Dave had said Dad had left her a few shares as well. They probably came with a note that said, _Sorry my son was such a rotten husband but here are a few shares of the company for the inconvenience and the trouble he caused you._

Dave started the meeting shortly after that and John was bored stiff within ten minutes. It was for this reason exactly that John hadn't wanted to join the family business. Give him wide open skies any day, or a military strategy. Though to be truthful he did more than his share of administration and paperwork as Military CO of Atlantis. Well, the stuff he couldn't pawn off on Lorne, that is.

After what seemed like hours, the topic of buying out MP Systems came up and many excited voiced hummed about the prospect of it. That is, until Dave announced he wanted to wait until they could get a more in-depth look at their books.

Quite a few people were surprised at this and one, small, balding man asked loudly, "And what is your reasoning behind this decision?"

Dave's eyes met John's down the long table and John gave a sigh before he said, "The numbers just aren't right. Not for a company that size with the amount of employees they have and the amount of business they say they do."

When John started to speak, he saw Nancy's head peek out past the others seated next to her and look down the table. Her eyes widened in surprise and John gave her a lopsided grin before he looked back at the bald man speaking again.

"No offense, son, but who are you and why do you think the opinion of someone with only a few shares is going to sway anyone at this meeting?"

John stayed quiet. He had no idea who this guy was but he was guessing he held more than a few shares in the company. He also figured Dave knew best how to handle him. Dave was, after all, the one who'd wanted him at this meeting.

Sure enough, Dave leaned forward and apologized, "I'm sorry. We never did any introductions since most people here know each other. And Frank, I know I've said it before, but I value the opinion of _all_ stockholders regardless if they have one share or thirty."

He pointed down the table and introduced, "And speaking of someone with thirty _percent_ of the shares, this is our second largest stockholder, Colonel John Sheppard, my brother."

John felt a little satisfaction when the bald man, Frank, sat back and closed the mouth that looked like it had been poised to complain again.

John took the opportunity to explain his thoughts on MP Systems and why a closer look at the books would show whether the proposal was a good one or not. He spent some time pointing out inconsistencies and talking about how they might be easily explained away but they could also mean some serious trouble.

"I'm not saying we shouldn't go ahead. I'm just saying we should proceed with caution and get more information first."

When the vote went around the table, all, even a reluctant Frank, had to agree that a little caution wasn't a bad thing.

The discussion moved to other things as did John's mind. He wondered what Rodney was working on and how Armstrong was dealing with the little tantrums he knew Rodney had a habit of throwing almost daily.

He wondered if Ronon had found someone else to run with in the mornings and if he and Amelia were still hanging out. He wondered who was brining T.J. to and from childcare every day and if anyone was reading him bedtime stories like he used to. Was he talking more, running around more steadily, did T.J. miss him at all?

And he wondered how Teyla was handling the boy on her own, especially with all the greater responsibility Woolsey had given her in regards to the Planetary Coalition. And now that she'd been apart from Kanaan for a few months were there any other men who were making their moves on her? He knew she was well liked and respected for her many abilities. But he wasn't naïve enough to think there weren't a ton of guys on base who wouldn't like to be a bit more than friends.

He'd tried to convey to her the depths of his feelings before she left but due to his deficit in the whole emotional communication area, he'd never actually _said_ anything to her. Would she understand he wanted a relationship with her once he returned or would she gravitate toward someone who was right there for her, in the present?

The thought that someone else could walk right in and take the place that he was hoping to occupy, scared the crap out of him. It made him want to be at rehab working on getting his legs better, not here in this boring meeting.

He looked around and realized people were starting to get up from the table and move toward the door. He could see Dave, ever the gracious host, directing them to another room where they'd set up a luncheon for the stockholders.

A few people came over and shook his hand, introduced themselves and commented on what a great guy his father had been. They were thrilled to finally meet him. John just smiled and thanked them knowing he'd never remember any of their names if he ran into them again.

Dave was still outside the door, occupied with Frank, so John figured he might be a while. He looked at where all the chairs were placed and wondered if he could move a few to lean on so he could get to his wheelchair.

He had just pushed his chair back a bit when he heard a soft voice utter, "John."

He looked up to see that Nancy was the only one left in the large conference room.

"Nancy." John nodded at her, the old awkward feelings returning immediately.

"I was surprised to see you here today. Taking a little break from your cloak and dagger routine?" Nancy asked.

"Something like that," John avoided. "You came all this way just to attend this thrilling meeting?"

Nancy gave a coy smile and said, "Actually I had a few questions I was going to ask David. But since you're here, I can just ask you."

John looked curious as Nancy pulled out a newspaper clipping from her purse. John could see right away it was the pictures from the egg hunt.

"A friend of mine sent me this, thought I'd be interested." She put the clipping on the table in front of John.

John's eyes feasted on the pictures and he reached out to touch his finger to the close up of T.J.

"I didn't realize you had gotten remarried and had a son. You never mentioned it when you were home for your father's funeral."

A sad smile came to John's face when he thought of that time. "Teyla was still pregnant. She hadn't had T.J. yet."

"Torren _John_ it says," Nancy pointed out. "So he's named after you."

John nodded. "Me and Teyla's father."

"Well he's adorable. Congratulations!" She turned away slightly. "You could have told me, John. I'd be okay with it. I have Grant; you should have someone, too."

"Thanks Nancy," John replied feeling guilty about the misrepresentation of facts so he cleared his throat and said, "Actually, Teyla and I aren't married." He felt that was enough of a revelation, explaining about T.J. would be too complex.

Nancy's eyebrows rose at his statement, so he explained, "Where I'm stationed, things are a little … different than here. Teyla and her people have been through a lot of hardships so sometimes what we think of as typical everyday actions, they can't even fathom. Relationships can be a little more … complicated. We're all just trying to get through each day _alive_."

"And this Teyla, she's from there, and she knows all about what you do?" Nancy questioned.

John chuckled, "She's a member of my team. She's seen me at my best and my worst and everywhere in between."

"How long have you known her?"

"She was one of the first people we met when we got there … six years ago."

"So where are they now?" Nancy asked pointing to the picture. "This was over a month ago."

"They're back home, on base. They were only here for a very _short_ visit."

"But you're still here," Nancy observed. "Why?"

John grimaced and said, "You know that something _Big_ and _Dangerous_ you said I was into, well … it came back to bite me in the ass."

Nancy looked very confused so John figured it was time to let her in on his not so little secret. He pointed to the corner of the room and said, "Do you mind bringing that over?"

Nancy got up and followed his finger and her head flipped back quickly and her eyes filled with concern. She brought the chair closer to John as he heaved himself up, holding onto the table and the back of the chair for support. His face strained with concentration as he managed a step and a half before landing in the wheelchair.

He looked back up at Nancy whose eyes reflected the pain she saw in John's. "I can't walk, Nance."

He sucked in a huge breath then added optimistically, "Not _yet,_ anyway. But I will. It may take a while but I _will _get there."

Nancy sat down in a chair next to John and took his hand. "I'm so sorry, John. When did this happen?"

"About four months ago. Dave set me up to do rehab at Meadowgreen. I've been here since then."

Nancy's eyes were filled with compassion as they looked at John then to the table where the pictures sat. "How much of that time have you seen _them_?"

John nodded his head at the picture and replied, "Four days at Easter."

"That's it? How's he handling it, your little boy?"

John reached out to touch the picture again and the image blurred until he blinked a few times. He swallowed hard and answered, "Not great. He keeps asking me to come home when they send video messages. But Teyla's the one who has to deal with him when he gets upset about it. I really hate that I'm not there to help her. And that I'm missing so much of his life."

"We never really talked about kids when we were together. What's it like?"

Nancy could tell just from the smile that spread across his face what his answer would be. "Absolutely amazing. From the time you hold them at only a few minutes old to when they tell you they're old enough to brush their own teeth."

A grin came on his face at an obvious memory. "Take my word for it, a two year old does not do an efficient job of brushing his own teeth."

Nancy smiled back. "I hope things work out for you, John. I do. I should … uh … probably head out," and she stood up.

"You aren't staying for the luncheon?" Dave asked as he walked back into the room.

"No, I have some friends to see and a few errands to run around here today and I'll fly back tomorrow."

"It was great seeing you again, Nancy," Dave said and Nancy returned, "It was nice seeing you, too, David. Take care of him, huh?" She nodded toward John. She asked directions to the nearest ladies' room to freshen up then smiled goodbye.

John looked up at Dave and complained, "Am I done here for the day?"

"You sound like you're ten and sitting through one of Dad's lectures."

John looked thoughtful and agreed, "You know, today was almost that painful."

Dave just shook his head and walked out of the room ahead of John. He asked Ian to have one of the drivers pick John up around front in ten minutes.

"You don't mind if I send you with a driver, do you? I still need to coddle some of these stockholders."

"As long as _**I**_ don't need to coddle anything, I'm fine. Although … I wouldn't mind coddling a turkey sandwich on my way back to rehab."

They stopped off at the luncheon and wrapped up a sandwich to go. As they headed out, Dave commented on the good work John had done for him.

"You know there's always a place for you here if you want it. You have an amazing gift, John. Dad always thought so."

John just laughed. "I don't really see myself here on a daily basis."

"You know, _here _at least, I don't have to worry about you getting injured or beat up on a daily basis."

John just laughed again as they approached the curb in front of the building. Dave looked around wondering why the car wasn't waiting.

"You don't have to wait with me," John chided. "I'm a big boy now."

Before Dave had a chance to answer, a white paneled van pulled up quickly in front of them. Dave was about to tell them deliveries were out back when the door slid open and two men in ski masks rushed toward John. John attempted to roll back but didn't get too far as the men grabbed him under the arms and attempted to lift.

Dave, recovering from his surprise, pushed the man closest to him away from John. The guy was ready though and swung a fist connecting with Dave's mouth that sent him staggering to one knee on the pavement.

John took the opportunity to throw a fist in the direction of _his_ assailant's face. The man staggered momentarily and John tried rolling away but a heavy fist to the side of his head from the other direction knocked him out of his chair, scraping him on the concrete.

The man he'd hit, grabbed him from behind so John planted an elbow in his mid-section then swung back to land his fist again on the side of the man's face. A few seconds later he was rewarded with a kick to the kidneys. John collapsed onto his side and bit back the groan that tried to escape from his mouth.

He looked toward Dave to see if he had managed to get away. What he saw froze his blood. The other assailant was holding a gun to his brother's head.

"Don't!" John roared, petrified he'd see Dave's life taken right before his eyes.

"Stop fighting us or I pull the trigger," Gunman threatened. "And you," he waved the gun closer to Dave, "Two million dollars or you don't see your brother again in one piece. We'll be in contact later in the day."

John's attacker gave him one last kick then roughly grabbed him and dragged him the few feet to the van.

As John was being tossed in the open door, he yelled, "Get Carter!" which earned him a backhand to the face.

John hoped the gunman would just jump in the van and leave Dave alone but no such luck. He smacked his gun against Dave's temple and then jumped in, leaving Dave leaning against the concrete stunned.

As the van door closed, John could see several people rushing down the walkway yelling. He felt the van pull away and felt this might be his only chance. He slumped on the cold, metal floor and when Gunman moved closer to him he landed a punch right between the eyes that threw the man toward the back of the van.

John then swung toward 'Kicker' and got him twice, once in the gut and once in the face. He then lunged toward the handle on the van door trying to get it open. It had just started to unlatch when John felt a heavy weight push him to the side.

He hit his head on something, he wasn't sure what, but by the time it had started to clear he felt himself shoved hard, face down, onto the metal floor of the van. And what felt like a knee was in the dead center of his back. His two friends were cursing back and forth about their injuries as his hands were tied together behind him.

"What is it you want," John demanded. "Where are we going?"

"No place you need to know about," Kicker insisted and John's reward for that question was a blindfold tied around his eyes.

"Are we playing Pin-the-tail-on-the-Donkey? Cause I gotta tell you I'm pretty good at that game. Or maybe a piñata? I'm excellent at hitting things," he chuckled, "although you two may have already figured that one out."

"Shut up!" One of them said and gave John a small shove.

"Well the least you could've done was bring my sandwich. You didn't actually take it with you, did you? Cause I'm pretty hungry right now. And I really need something to eat because I have a very important appointment this afternoon. So, whatever you guys are planning, I hope it doesn't take all day."

"Shut up!" the voice boomed again and this time it came with a jolt to the side of the head that John wasn't expecting since his eyes were covered. Before his ears even stopped ringing he felt some fabric shoved in his mouth and pulled tight then felt it tied around the back of his head.

"That should keep you from talking," the voice declared triumphantly as he pushed John down again.

John was now lying on his side, blindfolded, gagged and trussed up like a damn Thanksgiving turkey. He tried to loosen the bindings on his hands but they were pretty tight. _Aw crap! And I thought this morning's meeting would be the worst part of my day. _

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

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"David!" Julia cried as she rushed into his office and saw him sitting on the couch with an ice pack alternating between his split lip and the right side of his forehead.

"Are you all right?" She slid onto the seat next to him and wrapped her arms around him.

His arms did the same and pulled her in close as he faltered, "They took … they took John. And I couldn't do anything about it," he added disgustedly.

She touched his forehead where it was cut and contradicted, "It looks like you did do something about it."

Her hand moved to caress the bleeding lip and she sobbed, "You could have been killed!"

"They said they _would_ kill John unless I give them two million dollars," Dave choked out.

Julia sat back and questioned, "Can you even get that much together? When did they say they want it by?"

"They said they'd contact me later today and that was almost two hours ago," Dave told her. "I've had my accountants working on putting the funds together."

A tall, blond man came over and informed them, "Your office phone is all set. If you can keep them on the line for a while we can try and pinpoint their location."

"Thank you, Detective Jenkins," Dave said softly.

Julia looked around the room and finally noticed there were three men, probably police, in the room talking to each other. It sounded like they were comparing witness testimony and one was replaying some video on David's TV.

She then realized there was a woman with long dark hair staring out the window, ringing her hands. Julia stood up and moved toward her, looking at Dave for information.

Dave stood up also and said, "Nancy," the woman turned around and Julia could see deep sorrow in her eyes. "This is my fiancée, Julia. I'm not sure if you've met before. Honey, this is Nancy, John's ex-wife. She happened to be here for the stockholder's meeting today. She was just coming out of the building when it happened so she saw most of it."

The two women shook hands and nodded at each other, both unsure what to say in this situation.

Dave began to pace past his desk and back. "I wish they would just call. I need to know if John's all right."

"Well surely they wouldn't hurt him if they want to get the money, would they?" Julia sounded panicky and Dave pulled her back into his arms.

"I don't know if they originally planned on hurting anyone but John was putting up one hell of a fight so they started retaliating. Who knows what they did to him in the van. Knowing John, I don't imagine he quietly settled down for them."

Julia now saw that the video on the TV was security footage of the kidnapping from a camera close to the building. She saw the van pull up, the two men jump out and the subsequent struggle. She noticed that John stopped fighting back the second he saw the gun at David's head. Apparently David wasn't the only one worried about his brother.

She also started pacing back and forth and ended up in front of the credenza next to the couch. She looked down at the cluster of pictures on it. She'd put most of them there as Dave couldn't be bothered. There were a few of David and herself, one of him and his Dad, John's last promotion, the picture of John and David in San Francisco playing football and the newest one she'd put there only a month ago.

It was the frame she'd loved so much from when John, Teyla and Torren had been rolling the ball around outside. She picked it up and smiled at how happy they had been at that time, then her smile slipped as she realized the danger John was now in.

She felt a presence next to her and looked up to see Nancy staring at the picture, too.

"They look incredibly happy," Nancy commented.

Julia nodded and said, "They were. They had so much fun that day."

Dave looked curiously at Nancy and asked, "So you know about Teyla and T.J.?"

"Yes, John was telling me about them when we were talking earlier," Nancy explained. "I'm glad he found someone. The boy is adorable but I think John is really missing him."

"Definitely missing him," Dave agreed and smiled at his former sister-in-law. "John is the most incredible Dad. I never would have imagined it if I hadn't see it with my own eyes. But I've seen it quite a few times now and it never ceases to amaze me how natural he is with T.J."

They grew quiet for a few minutes and Dave moved to his desk trying to find something to occupy his mind. He tapped a few keys on his computer and scrolled through his e-mails. When he came to some of the older ones that he'd saved, he called out to Nancy, "I've got a recording that John sent with T.J. in it, if you want to see it."

As Nancy moved so she could see the monitor, Dave continued, "He sent this just a day or two before the accident happened." He pressed the keys to start the recording.

They watched as John came on then picked up a toddling Torren. The child quickly fell asleep in his arms and Dave could see Nancy's eyes misting over when John kissed the top of the boy's head.

He'd always felt bad about Nancy and John's break up because he truly felt they had loved each other. But unfortunately neither one was willing to change for the other and they couldn't pretend to be something they weren't any longer.

Now Nancy was remarried and seemed happy with Grant and John hopefully had a future with Teyla. If he survived the next day that is.

"Thanks for showing me that, David," Nancy said. "You're right; John's a natural as a father."

David just nodded and played with the keys on his computer to keep himself busy. Julia came up behind him and after a few minutes pointed at the screen and asked, "Is that e-mail from Teyla?"

"Yeah," Dave answered. "I didn't show you? She sent it a few weeks ago. Do you want to see it?"

Julia nodded and Dave clicked the key. Teyla came on the screen and Dave noticed Nancy moved a bit closer so she could check out the woman who had been able to keep John Sheppard interested for six years.

The message started and Teyla's pretty face came on and said, "Hello David. I hope you and Julia are well. I wish to express my gratitude for allowing Torren and I to come visit and stay in your lovely home. And for showing us so many wondrous sights in your area. Torren continues to ask to watch … Barney and he wishes to eat … Froot Loops while doing it." Teyla grinned at this.

"I am afraid John introduced many bad habits in the short time we were with him. Of course Torren desires to do all these things with John. He has been inconsolable at times and it has been quite painful to watch him as he continues to wonder why John has not come home. Please do not inform John of this matter. I know that he would be heartbroken to know that Torren is unhappy."

"I ask that you please take care of John. It is so difficult for him to be unable to move or be active. He will need your love and support to get him through it, especially since we are unable to be there. Let him know that we miss him tremendously and are waiting anxiously for the day he can walk back through our door."

"I did mention to Mr. Woolsey about the wedding and he seemed to think arrangements could be made for Torren and I to attend. I hope that is the case and look forward to seeing you then. Please take care of yourself as well and give my love to Julia." Teyla bowed her head and the recording shut off.

"She's lovely," Nancy commented when Dave logged off his e-mail. Dave pushed back from his desk and started pacing again wondering when the hell those bastards were going to call and what they were doing with John at the moment.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

John pulled at the bindings on his hands for what felt like the hundredth time. They seemed slightly looser but not enough to get them off. If he could only see what was around him, there might be something he could use. But the kidnappers had left the blindfold and the gag on him when they'd tossed him unceremoniously onto what felt like a mattress. Not a very comfortable mattress but at least it wasn't cold, hard concrete or dirt.

They'd driven for quite a while and John had tried to keep track of what kind of turns they'd made and approximate speed. Unfortunately the beating and couple of blows to the head caused him to be slightly disoriented at some points during the ride.

They'd dragged him out and complained the whole time about the fact that he couldn't walk on his own. He wanted to laugh and tell them that's what they got for kidnapping a cripple, and not taking his wheelchair along.

But he couldn't say anything because of the now soggy piece of cloth shoved in his mouth. He knew that if they held him right and walked slowly enough he could actually put weight on his legs and move forward. Slowly, but he could do it.

Maybe he should try and get the blindfold off first. For all he knew there were a dozen guys all standing around watching him struggle. He didn't think so since he couldn't hear any other sound in the room and he had listened intently when they'd first put him in here.

He wiggled his body until he felt the edge of the mattress then slid himself over the edge. He almost chuckled when he realized the mattress was lying flat on the floor. He started moving his head down the side of the mattress trying to scrape the blindfold off. It took a while but it finally worked.

He leaned back against the mattress and took stock of where he was. It looked like an office in a warehouse maybe. There were two high windows on one wall and a door on the opposite side. Beside the mattress on the floor were a metal kitchen chair and a tiny tray table. Underneath the windows there was an old fashioned radiator.

John rolled in the direction of the radiator figuring there might be something sharp to get the bindings off. Sure enough, he found some rusted metal that would probably do the trick. He positioned his body so his hands were close to the sharp metal and started moving them back and forth.

After a few minutes, and more scrapes against his wrists than he cared to count, the fabric that had been tied tight, started to rip. John used all the strength he could find to get the rest of the fabric off.

Once free, he untied the gag and then dared to look at his wrists. They were scratched and bloody but didn't look like there was any major damage.

He gave a huge sigh and wondered what he should do next. If he'd had full control of his legs, there wouldn't be any question. He'd get the hell out of Dodge. But his limited mobility gave him limited options.

He crawled over to the chair wondering if he could use it in a similar fashion to a walker. He first pulled himself up to sit in the chair then looked around the room again. He wondered if the door was locked because if it was that would add another whole level to this escape attempt.

He stood and rested his weight on the back of the chair. He got his legs steady and pushed the chair a few feet. He did this a few times and got close enough to the door to reach the handle. He'd just turned the handle, they'd left it unlocked, when he heard footsteps and talking in the hallway.

_Okay, first escape attempt aborted_ but he knew he needed to utilize the fact that he was untied and they weren't expecting it. He pushed the chair to slide a ways from him and he sat next to the door waiting for it to open. He knew he would only have a few seconds before they realized he wasn't still bound.

The door opened and John saw two pair of legs come in the door and then stop. John took this opportunity to grab one leg of each man and pull. He pushed himself in their direction and somehow managed to get both of them on the ground.

He planted his fist into the face of the closest one then moved toward the other, doing the same. He kept his fists flying and thought he might be close to knocking both these guys out when a sharp pain radiated across the side of his head. He desperately grasped for consciousness to stay but blackness enveloped him and he fell forward.

"How the hell could a crippled man get the drop on you two tough guys?" demanded the third man who had come in a few moments after Kicker and Gunman. He threw the two by four he'd used to knock out Sheppard aside and reached down to grab Kicker by the back of the shirt and haul him to his feet.

"Get your friend up," he ordered disgusted then knelt down next to the unconscious man on the floor just to make sure that's all he was.

"How did he get untied and over here if he can't even walk?" the Boss yelled.

"I don't know," Gunman answered. "But this guy's not your typical soft businessman like we done before. Look at me and Marty, we got bruises and cuts all over.

Boss just looked at the two bruised men and ordered, "Get him into that chair while I set up the webcam. And make sure you tie his hands tighter this time. Why don't you tie each one to an arm of the chair? Hopefully there'll be less chance of him getting free that way."

Gunman and Marty hauled Sheppard up and deposited him in the metal chair taking note of the blood dripping down the side of his face from the two by four.

As Boss came in and set up the webcam on the TV tray, he observed, "You might want to put that blindfold back on him in case he starts coming to. It gets awfully messy if we actually have to kill 'em."

When John was secured and blindfolded, Marty grabbed the gag and retied it around his mouth. "Just so we don't have to listen to him and his bad jokes again."

Boss chuckled and said, "His brother's probably starting to hyperventilate. But since I need this guy conscious before I can contact the brother, I guess he'll just have to wait.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox

.

Dave was way beyond worry and bordering on terrified. It had been almost four hours since they'd taken John and they hadn't heard a thing. God only knew what they could have done to him by now, especially since John wasn't one to sit placidly by in this kind of situation.

He'd just gotten word from downstairs that Samantha Carter had arrived and was on her way up. Dave breathed a sigh of relief when she walked in the door, hoping she had some miracle up her sleeve that would get John back in one piece. She was followed in by three men, all in civilian clothes.

"Sam!" Dave exclaimed. "Thank you so much for coming. I was hoping you could help."

Sam grabbed Dave's hand and shook it firmly. "You did the right thing calling me. And I brought a little help." She turned to the three men who had come in after her. "This is my team."

"Colonel Mitchell!" Dave called out and stepped forward to shake the man's hand.

Sam looked confused for a second until Dave explained, "I met him a few months ago when he came to visit John at the rehab center.

Sam nodded her head in understanding and continued, "This is Dr. Daniel Jackson and Teal'c."

Dave shook their hands as well looking curiously at the large man wearing a baseball hat in front of him. "Just Teal'c? Can I take a guess that you're also not from … this … country, like Teyla and Ronon?"

Sam and her team chuckled as Teal'c answered, "You are correct in your assumption, David Sheppard."

Julia and Nancy had taken a keen interest in the newcomers so Dave introduced, "This is my fiancée, Julia."

Sam reminded him, "Yes, we met back when I told you about John's accident."

"Oh, that's right," Dave said and turned again, "This is Nancy, she's John's ex-wife. She was here today for the same reason John was, a stockholder's meeting. She happened to witness the abduction."

Nancy looked at the new crew that had walked in and asked, "Do you all know John?"

Cam stepped forward and said, "Sam and I are both Air Force like Sheppard. I'm a pilot as well so we've crossed paths quite a bit."

Jackson added, "We work for the same outfit as Colonel Sheppard, we're just not on an outpost quite as far as he usually is."

"Or as interesting, according to you," Mitchell snickered.

Jackson sighed, "You've got to admit it's an amazing place. I'm just waiting for Jack to tell me I can go."

Sam laughed. "Don't hold your breath, Daniel. He likes you here."

Dave saw Detective Jenkins put away his cell phone and come over to the group. He made introductions then said, "When they pulled John into the van, he yelled out to call Colonel Carter here."

"I'm glad you did, Dave. Detective Jenkins, I know this is your jurisdiction but Colonel Sheppard is a high ranking military official. We'll be taking over this investigation but we would love to have your assistance and any information you've gathered."

Detective Jenkins looked slightly put out but realized quickly he didn't have a whole lot of options. And sometimes the military had access to information that was almost impossible for him to get.

"I can tell you what we know so far," Jenkins began and pulled out a small notepad.

"The van that was used for the abduction was reported stolen several months ago. According to Mr. Sheppard, there were very few people who knew the Colonel would be here today and even fewer who knew they'd be standing out front at that particular time. His secretary, Mrs. Tucker, who's apparently worked for the company for over thirty years, was in a conference room at the time. But the most likely way for the information to be relayed to the kidnappers was through one of Mr. Sheppard's assistants, Ian Holden."

"It was requested that _he_ contact the driver who was supposed to meet Colonel Sheppard out front for a ride. The driver says he never got the call. Mr. Holden has been questioned. He claims a young woman from the Data Entry department, a Melissa Stafford, was in his office at the time and made the call for him. He does admit that he didn't actually see what number she dialed."

"So where are these two people now?" Mitchell asked.

"Holden's in a room with a few of my people, sweating quite a bit actually. Makes him look really guilty."

"I think he's _afraid _he'll look really guilty because of the situation between him and John," Dave mentioned.

"What situation would that be?" Daniel questioned.

Dave looked uncomfortable but said, "At the company Easter egg hunt, Ian said a few _inappropriate _things to Teyla."

Sam frowned. "Yeah, that wouldn't fly too well with John. He has a tendency to be a little overprotective when it comes to her."

"Was there a physical altercation between Colonel Sheppard and this man?" Teal'c spoke up.

"No," Dave replied. "John was surprisingly restrained."

"Of course he was," Jenkins scoffed. "The man's in a wheelchair."

He looked up at Mitchell's snort. "Yeah, like that'd stop him if he wanted to pummel the guy."

Jenkins looked surprised but Jackson brought the conversation back again. "Um, so this girl, Melissa … where is she? She's the one that actually made the phone call, right? Who's to say she wasn't calling the kidnappers to say Sheppard was on his way out."

"That's exactly what we think happened," Jenkins declared. "Unfortunately no one's been able to find her. And looking at her employment record, she's only been here a few weeks. We've been trying to dig around in her background but there's not a whole lot to find. It's possible she's not using her real name."

"I think I'll need to have a little conversation with my Human Resource Department," Dave muttered to himself.

Jenkins continued, "This guy Holden claims he had nothing to do with the abduction. He says he promised this woman help in climbing the corporate ladder in exchange for sexual favors."

"Apparently it's a habit with him," Dave sneered.

"Let me guess," Mitchell grinned, "he wanted to help _Teyla_ climb the corporate ladder."

Dave sighed as he nodded his head.

"I'm surprised _Teyla_ didn't beat the crap out of this guy," Sam admitted.

Nancy picked up the picture Dave had on his credenza and remarked, "You mean _this _Teyla? This tiny thing?"

"Oh, don't let size fool you," Jackson chuckled then Sam added, "I've seen Teyla take down a few Marines by herself, not to mention John. A pencil pusher wouldn't even make her sweat."

Sam turned back to Detective Jenkins. "Is there any other information you have for us?"

"I still have men working on a few leads and checking out possible enemies of Mr. Sheppard or PSI, in case it's not just a money thing."

Daniel cleared his throat. "It's very possible Colonel Sheppard was taken because of who _he_ is and not because of how much his brother is worth. The ransom demand could be just to throw us off the trail."

"Who would want to kidnap a paralyzed Air Force Colonel?" Jenkins was puzzled thinking at that rank he probably sat at a desk, giving orders.

Mitchell smirked, "You'd be surprised at the number of people who'd love to get their hands on Sheppard for the information he knows or the … skills he possesses."

"Why don't you finish working the _who_ and my team will concentrate on the _where_," Sam suggested to Jenkins.

The man's eyebrows rose as he asked, "How are you going to find _where_ he is if we don't know who has him?"

Sam, Mitchell and Jackson all gave a smug little grin while Teal'c merely raised one eyebrow.

"We can track Colonel Sheppard's subcutaneous transponder," Sam provided.

"His sub …what?" Julia blurted out. She'd remained quiet throughout the whole exchange, not wanting to interfere in any way with getting John back but this last statement baffled her.

Jackson held up his hand with his thumb and forefinger close together, explaining, "It's a minute piece of technology implanted under the skin to be used as a tracking device."

"And Colonel Sheppard has one of these implanted because …?" Jenkins looked curious.

"We all do," Daniel stated matter of factly looking at his colleagues.

Mitchell took the explanation one step further. "In our line of work it's pretty essential. It's pulled our bacon out of the fire more times than I'd like to count."

"It's saved John's life more than a few times as well," Sam added. "The fact is we don't know _exactly_ where he is right now since we're only getting data from _one_ of our satellites in orbit. But we do know he's within a thirty mile radius of this building. By tomorrow morning we should have some other … equipment coming into orbit that will give us his exact location."

Dave cut in. "And can you tell if he's still alive with this equipment?"

Sam nodded, understanding Dave's fears. She sat down on his couch and set up a laptop he hadn't even realized she had, on the coffee table and punched a series of buttons. A map of the state came up. In their area was a red glowing dot.

"That's John. I programmed his transponder code into the computer. As you can see, it only gives us an approximate location."

"But how do you know he's actually still alive?" Dave challenged hoping she had a great answer.

Daniel gave the explanation. "The transponder is charged by the electrons in the human body, so if they stop, it stops."

Sam smiled. "And John's transponder is still transmitting a signal, so we know he's still alive."

Dave sat down and stared at the dot, willing it to continue to glow but more than a little fearful it would start to fade right before his eyes. And then what would he do? He couldn't lose his brother, not after finally reconnecting with him. Then he realized that they really had reconnected.

In the last four months they'd grown close again. The awkwardness and emotional distance that had separated them for so long had been washed away like the tide. But like the tide, it also brought back things that had seemed long lost. The closeness and camaraderie they'd had as young boys had been renewed with the passing of time.

Julia sat next to Dave resting her head on his shoulder, her own eyes intent on the screen.

Mitchell started asking Jenkins questions about the actual abduction and then the security tapes were played and rewound several times.

Sam noticed Nancy just standing near the window, behind Dave's desk, looking a little lost. She moved closer asking, "Are you all right?"

Nancy just smiled sadly and nodded. "I probably have no right to even be here but … I just don't feel right leaving until I know John is going to be okay."

Sam understood and commented, "John never talks much about his personal life. I hadn't realized he'd been married before. You had the PSI stock from then?"

Nancy shook her head. "John's Dad left it to me in his will. It's only a few shares. He was always very good to me. I think he believed I would be the one to change John, to keep him from flying off into the wild blue yonder in search of adventure and danger."

"Then he didn't know his son very well," Sam observed.

Nancy glanced at Sam shyly then said, "You sound like _you_ know John fairly well."

"We've worked together on numerous occasions but I was stationed with him for a year. I was in charge of the base and he was my Military Commander."

"So you also must know Teyla," Nancy surmised.

"Very well," Sam smiled. "She's an amazing woman."

Nancy continued her subtle interrogation. "You said John was very protective of her."

"He'd do anything for her." Sam rolled her eyes. "One time we'd barely pulled him out of the rubble of a collapsed building when he flew off to rescue Teyla. He needed a blood transfusion and surgery but it didn't matter, John never put himself first."

"But you let him go on a mission severely injured?" Nancy accused.

Sam grinned. "You've been _married_ to John so I don't need to tell you how stubborn he can be. He told me in no uncertain terms that he was flying the mission and he'd surrender for Court Martial when he was through."

Nancy closed her eyes in resignation at the thought of John giving up his career to save this woman's life. "So what happened?"

Sam just shrugged and replied, "Well, he came back with Teyla and the baby and they were all still alive."

"Yeah, so I heard Rodney delivered the baby," Daniel butted in. "I would have paid money to see that. Oh, not the baby part but Rodney having to deal with it. I bet it was priceless."

"Hey, McKay was proud of himself," Sam defended. "Even John said he did a great job."

Nancy's eyes narrowed. "How come John didn't deliver …?"

"John was barely standing at that point," Sam reminded her. "But I have to hand it to him, he got them all out and managed to fly back home with that baby in his arms."

"So, no Court Martial?" Nancy asked.

Sam answered, "I was called back to the States while John was still in surgery. I ended up with another assignment. But I wouldn't have anyway. I knew why he did it."

Nancy absorbed that information for a few moments then said, "You said Teyla could take down John in a fight. Do they do this often?"

Sam shook her head. "Teyla helps train the Marines in combat and she and John also spar almost daily. Well, until she got pregnant. Then he didn't want her doing anything. Believe me they had _more_ than a few disagreements when John took her off active duty."

Nancy looked again at the picture of the beautiful, copper-skinned woman laughing next to John's blissful face, both of them with an arm around the tiny dark-haired child in their lap.

As much as she had loved John and she truly believed John _had _loved her, she knew now she was not what John Sheppard needed. He needed a woman strong enough, both physically and emotionally, to keep up with him. Someone who would allow, and even share, his sense of adventure and excitement. It sounded like Teyla was that woman. And had been for a while.

She looked around the room and saw that David was barely holding it together. His hands had been running through his hair so much it was standing up like John's.

When his cell phone rang on his desk, he almost jumped out of his skin. He ran toward the desk as Detective Jenkins commented, "You said they wouldn't have your cell phone number."

Dave picked up the phone and his eyes grew wide with fright as he looked at the caller i.d. He held the phone up again and said, "They're using John's phone."

Jenkins yelled for one of his men to try and get a trace on this line. He pointed at Dave and said, "Answer it."

Dave pressed the speaker phone button and cautiously said, "Hello."

"_Mr. David Sheppard. I believe you were expecting to hear from me."_

"Is John okay?" Dave blurted out; his brother's well being utmost in his mind.

"_He's alive if that's what you mean. But he's been a rather naughty boy which is why it's taken a little longer to get in touch with you."_

"What is it you want?" Dave demanded.

"_I believe my colleague told you to start putting together two million dollars. Did you listen?"_

"Yes, my accountants are working on it. But I don't have it all yet," Dave said nervously, wondering if this man would demand it all now or he'd kill John. Dave felt that control he liked to keep a tight grip on, slipping right out of his hands.

"_I'm not unreasonable, Mr. Sheppard. That's why I'm giving you until tomorrow at noon. I'll provide more details at that time."_

"Wait!" Dave yelled, thinking the man might hang up. "I'm not giving you _anything_ until I have solid proof that my brother's still alive and unharmed."

The man chuckled. "_Figured you might want something like that. I'm gonna hang up then text you a web address that will give you a live feed_."

The phone went dead. Dave looked down at the silent phone as he heard Jenkins pulling the laptop around and swearing when on of his men said the conversation wasn't long enough to get a trace.

Dave's phone then beeped and he showed the text to the officer who connected the laptop to the TV screen. Everyone moved so they could see and the DVR was put on so they could analyze the recording for any clues to John's whereabouts.

The address was entered and a website popped up with an area to click to see the live feed. The officer clicked on it and a few gasps went up in the room.

The video showed John from the waist up, his hands tied to the arms of a chair, blindfolded and gagged. A bleeding wound on the side of his head was very apparent and Dave could feel his jaw and fists both clench automatically.

"_As you can see he's alive_," came the same voice through the computer and TV speakers. "_Although I never really promised the unharmed part."_

Everyone watched as John reacted to his captor speaking. His arms pulled against the bindings and his face, what you could see of it, tensed.

The captor reached gloved hands over and removed the gag from John's mouth.

"_Okay, Mr. Sheppard, tell your brother that if he doesn't come up with two million by noon, you're a dead man."_

John turned his head slightly in the direction of the voice and sneered, "_Go to hell_!"

The gloved hand showed up again, this time to impact the side of John's face. Julia grabbed Dave's arm as he drew in a deep breath and raggedly released it. They all watched as the cut that had been on John's lip split open wider and began to bleed again. John's breathing sped up for a moment and his tongue darted slightly out of his mouth to touch the injury.

The glove moved back to grab John's chin as his voice warned, _"You know, Mr. Sheppard, this would be so much more enjoyable if you gave us a little cooperation."_

One side of John's lip curled up and Dave knew what was coming wouldn't be good for his brother.

"Don't, John!" he whispered as John taunted, _"Bite Me!"_

This time his head flew back as the glove impacted and his mouth contorted in pain.

Julia had a death grip on Dave's arm and he actually had to remind himself to breath.

They could see John's jaw clench as he ordered, _"Don't give this bastard a thing, Dave!"_

The gloved hand shoved the gag back in John's mouth. _"Like I said, your brother's being a naughty boy. You better hope his manners improve or there won't be much left by noon tomorrow."_

The live feed ended and the room was quiet for a few seconds. Dave closed his eyes and his head sagged forward. Julia's arms moved around his waist and he pulled her in close and rested his head in the crook of her neck where he inhaled the scent of her hair. Worry and despair flooded through his body and he found himself leaning more heavily on her.

_Why did John have to be so damned obstinate? He was going to get himself killed_. Dave though back to a few months ago and the cuts on John's wrists and wondered if there wasn't still a small part of John that had a death wish.

"Well Detective Jenkins," Sam broke the silence." I think we can rule out any of the organizations or agencies that would be interested in John for _who_ he is."

"Why do you say this?"

Sam explained, "They called him _**Mr.**_ Sheppard. Anyone that we know of would be well aware that he's a Colonel in the Air Force."

"But you'll still help locate him, won't you?" a panicked Dave asked.

Cam jokingly shook his head and said, "Nah!"

Sam just smacked his arm and reassured Dave, "John's one of ours. We take care of our own."

Dave sighed in relief and looked up at Sam and Jenkins. "What do we do now?"

"My men will continue following the leads I mentioned before," Jenkins told him. "I suggest you go home, relax and try and get some rest tonight."

"Relax!" Dave choked out. "My brother's been kidnapped and is being used as a punching bag, so I'll just _relax_!"

Sam put her hand on Dave's shoulder. "He is right that you should get some rest. We'll have an exact location for John first thing in the morning. That's long before the noon deadline."

Dave cringed at the word 'deadline' and muttered, "If John doesn't get himself killed first with that fresh mouth of his."

He looked back at John's friends as a thought came to him. "Where are you all staying? You should come and stay at the house."

As Sam started to object, Dave insisted, "I have plenty of room for all of you and this way as soon as you get any information, we can leave."

Sam looked at the others and the shrugs and nods made her accept Dave's invitation.

"I should send an officer along just in case," Jenkins suggested.

Sam lifted the front of her jacket to show Jenkins her gun hidden underneath and said, "I think we'll be fine."

She and Jenkins exchanged cell numbers and promised to keep in touch if any more information came available.

Jenkins said, "We'll be taking Mr. Holden with us for more questioning and hold him until we can ascertain if he was willingly involved in all this."

Dave let out another huge sigh and thanked Jenkins for all his help, saying he'd see him in the morning. Julia moved behind him and started rubbing his sagging shoulders. She saw Nancy standing quietly looking at the pictures again and offered to put her up, too.

Nancy refused sweetly saying she'd already booked a room for the night but that she would stay in the area until she knew John was safe.

As Nancy left, Mrs. Tucker entered the room, her eyes showing concern. Dave answered her question before she could even ask. "Two million by noon tomorrow."

He gave yet another sigh and continued, "Let the accountants know they can reach me at home or on my cell. I'm heading there now. I don't want anyone else bothering me there unless it's with information about John."

"Absolutely, Mr. Sheppard," she agreed and was about to leave the room when she noticed John's face appear on the TV screen. "Is that from today?" she asked aghast.

Dave cleared his throat and Jackson paused the recording until Dave had sent Mrs. Tucker back out promising they'd have him back tomorrow morning. She didn't need to see what they'd done to John.

"Why don't we take that disc with us? "Dave suggested. "I've got a much bigger screen at home so we may be able to see more detail on that."

They all agreed and started out the door. He looked at this team of people who were here to help bring John home safely and hoped that they really had the ability to do it.

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo

.

John settled down and waited quietly after Boss finished talking to what he assumed was Dave. His head was pounding and he was feeling slightly disoriented, probably something to do with the crack on the side of his head he'd received earlier. He figured he'd better cool it for now and see where all of this was going.

He hoped Dave had contacted Carter and she already had a plan in motion. Luckily these clowns had no idea who he really was and were only after money. Like two million was anything to sneeze at. But at least he was reassured that it wasn't the Trust or rogue NID agents.

The kidnappers knew nothing about his transponder so once they could get a lock on _that _he'd be all set. Unless, of course, there was no ship in orbit to transport him. He usually knew exactly where every ship was but he'd been a little out of the loop lately.

Not that they couldn't still locate him, it was just a bit harder and more time consuming, especially since the SGC didn't have technology quite as advanced as Atlantis. Maybe they'd send his team through in a Puddlejumper to scan for him. It would be great seeing Rodney, Ronon and Teyla again.

Too many _what-if's_, he had to focus on getting _himself_ out. He figured they might be keeping an eye out for him so he decided to keep a low profile for a few hours and act like he was really hurt. Let them think the fight had gone out of him because of his injuries. As his head throbbed, he figured he wouldn't have to pretend too much.

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xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

Dave and Julia got everyone settled at the house and Julia busied herself making a meal for all. Dave knew she was just keeping herself occupied so she didn't have to think about what she saw the kidnappers doing to John. She wasn't used to dealing with stuff like this. Come to think of it, neither was he.

But Carter and Mitchell and the other two acted like it was just another day in the office. The fact that John had acted like this was just a nasty annoyance made him think it was not atypical for him either. And that thought really freaked him out.

He was pretty sure he wouldn't be quite so cool under pressure and he certainly would never have been brave enough to tell someone who'd been batting him around to 'Bite Me!'

He let out a breath that was half sigh, half chuckle. They'd been sitting in the den replaying the recording for a while and had just taken a break while Sam and her team discussed things he only half understood.

At his half chuckle, they looked up at him puzzled. "I was just wondering what the hell John was thinking when he told that guy to 'Bite me.'"

Sam chuckled also and said, "That's just John."

Mitchell smirked and declared, "That boy's got spunk! I like it!"

"Of course you do," Daniel commented dryly, "Because you would have done the same thing. Except you would have finished it off by spitting in the guy's face."

Cam seemed to think about that for a minute then replied exuberantly, "You're right. I would have!"

Sam noticed how tense Dave still was so she reassured him, "I think John will be okay. The fact that they had him blindfolded was a good thing. If they're planning on killing you anyway, they don't bother. Plus, I just got off the phone with Jenkins. The van that was used, apparently was used in a similar kidnapping a few months back."

"And how did that one end?" Dave asked nervously.

"Ransom was paid and the victim returned safe and sound. There's no reason to think this time won't end the same way."

"Except I bet that victim wasn't baiting the kidnapper with 'Go to hell!' and 'Bite me!'" Dave replied.

"Maybe not," Daniel agreed, "But the Daedelus will be in orbit tomorrow morning. We'll have him back in time for your morning coffee break."

"I hope so," Dave returned as Julia called them into the kitchen for food. He wondered if John had gotten anything to eat or drink since he'd been taken. The thought of John tied up, beaten and bruised with no food or water, making him unsure if he'd be able to eat anything at all.

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xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

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John had dozed off and on for quite a few hours, or as much as anyone _could_ sleep tied in a chair, blindfolded and gagged. Or maybe he'd been unconscious, that was a definite possibility as well, considering the hammers that were attacking his brain at the moment.

He spent a few minutes just listening for any sound of activity and was finally reassured there was no one in his vicinity, at this moment anyway. He knew they'd been in and out before. He had heard them wondering if he was still alive, checking his pulse but also checking the bindings that secured his hands to the chair.

He moved his legs and knew they hadn't bothered tying those down figuring he couldn't move them. That was just an advantage for him. He pushed his feet and felt the chair slide back with a scraping sound. He stopped and waited for a few minutes to see if anyone would come to investigate.

When no one did, he continued pushing until the chair bumped against something. He shifted his body until he'd moved the chair so his side was against the wall. First thing, blindfold, and with enough scraping his head against the wall, it came off.

He looked around to assess the situation and realized he was only a short distance from the radiator that had been so helpful in freeing his hands earlier.

It was another twenty minutes before he'd gotten the chair close enough and at the right angle to cut through the rope at his hand. He quickly untied his other hand, removing the gag and undid the rope they'd tied around his torso when they realized he could just lean down and get his head close to his hands.

He checked his watch and saw that it was after midnight. Hopefully all the bad guys had gone to bed. Of course there was still the little problem of being unable to walk. He used the chair as a walker again and had only gotten it back as far as where the TV tray was when he heard voices in the hall.

_Are you kidding me_? John thought as he looked around trying to figure out what he could do. _This is just not fair!_

He decided to sit back in the chair a bit closer to the TV tray. He dropped his head against his chest like it had been and hoped they wouldn't notice his blindfold and gag were missing until they were close enough for him to do something.

When he felt someone near, he grabbed the tray and swung it toward them resulting in Marty lying on the floor, barely moving. He swung the tray back toward Gunman whose arm was out to try and grab John. The tray hit his arm and John could almost swear he heard something crack.

Gunman bent over to hold his arm but managed to grab the tray table as well, pulling John onto the floor. John tried to crawl over to the two by four that had been introduced to his head earlier but before he reached it he felt an arm clamp around his neck. Gunman yanked him back using his good arm to cut off John's air supply.

John jerked his elbow back into the man's injured appendage causing him to loosen his grip around John's neck momentarily. He tried to scramble away but got an elbow right in the eye causing him to land on his back.

Gunman jumped on top of him capturing and holding one of John's arms under his knee. John swung up at him with his free arm and bucked his body to try and throw the man off. But this guy was well over two hundred pounds and John's legs were nowhere near full strength.

John felt the fist connect with his face as the man yelled furiously, "I don't care about the two million dollars, I am going to kill you!" and his fist hit a few more times until John heard, "Enough!"

Boss was back and pointing a gun straight at John's head. "How is it some paralyzed businessman can take down two guys who outweigh you by at least fifty pounds each?"

He cocked the gun and tilted his head as if expecting John to answer. The man still sitting on his chest grabbed John around the throat and shook him a few times.

"What the …?" he exclaimed and grabbed hold of the dog tags that had bunched up around John's neck. "This guy's military!"

"Something our little friend forgot to tell us," Boss sneered. "Or maybe she didn't know."

He crouched down next to John, pointed to his legs and asked, "This a recent thing, huh? Line of duty, maybe?"

John just narrowed his eyes at the man and tried to get a breath but the two hundred plus pounds sitting on the ribs Marty had kicked earlier today was making it difficult.

"Don't feel like talking _now_?" Boss noticed. "You don't realize that by taking that blindfold off, you just signed your death warrant. You've seen my face, so now I have to kill you."

"Not if I get you first," John threatened barely above a whisper. "You might want to wait though, Dave will want proof I'm alive before he goes handing over two mil."

"You _are_ right," Boss agreed. "So I need some way to keep you out of trouble until that time. And I think I have just the thing."

He handed the gun over to his friend who was still kneeling over John. "Shoot him if he does anything stupid."

Boss left the room and returned a few minutes later with a cup and his fist around something else. He set the tray table back up and deposited the cup and what looked like almost a dozen pills on top of it.

Gunman got off him as Boss ordered, "You're so good at getting around, get back up in that chair!"

John just lay breathing heavy on the floor. He'd be damned if he was gonna make it easy for these guys. Boss realized John's attitude to the order and grabbed him and plopped him in the chair.

"I thought you might need a little help sleeping the rest of the night," Boss said as he moved toward John with the water and pills.

"I'm sure I can sleep just fine without those. Thanks. That's a real comfortable mattress you've got over there."

Boss just chuckled as he stepped in front of John and grabbed his chin. Marty had started to get up slowly from the floor and approached them so Boss ordered, "Tie those hands behind his back and hold him down!"

The two men obeyed and when that was done Boss squeezed John's jaw and had his friend hold his nose until John was forced to open his mouth. John couldn't see how many of the pills the guy had put in his mouth but it was a lot more than one. He then poured some water in and told John he should probably swallow. Again they held his nose and clamped a hand over his mouth with him struggling as much as he could. He finally had to swallow or stop breathing.

Boss pulled John's mouth open and stuck a few fingers inside to make sure the pills were actually gone. John tried to bite him but got another cuff on the side of the head that prevented his teeth from staying attached too long.

Marty was still looking woozy and John figured it wouldn't be long before he'd start feeling the same way. They dragged him out of the chair and threw him on the mattress again, threading the rope that was around his hands through a ring on the wall that he hadn't noticed before. When they were done, John winced at the awkward position he was in, lying on his side, his arms behind him and pulled away a bit shackled to the wall.

They shoved the gag back in his mouth and tied it tighter, probably just for giggles since he was more than likely going to be out cold very soon. Sure enough as he saw Boss checking out Gunman's arm and Marty's head, the room started to spin and his eyelids grew heavy until he was engulfed in the darkness.

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xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

Dave had barely slept all night, the knot in his stomach getting bigger with each passing minute. He finally got up, dressed and headed downstairs around 5:30 and was astonished to find the SGC team already sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee.

"Did something happen?" Dave asked alarmed. "You should have woken me."

Sam shook her head with a reassuring smile. "Nothing yet. We did get confirmation though that the Daedelus will be here in less than two hours. Once it gets here we should be able to get an exact location on John."

"So then what do we do?" Dave prodded.

"We go in and get our boy out," Mitchell declared. "We'll contact Jenkins to cover the outside of the building and hand over the bad guys to him when we're done."

"We'll let you know when we've got John safely out," Sam added.

"I want to go with you," Dave stated calmly.

"That's probably not a good idea," Sam said. "We have no idea how many people will be guarding him."

"What if you did know how many and exactly where they were?" Dave ignored their confused looks, left the room and returned a few moments later holding the small Ancient device he'd taken from Atlantis.

"That's an LSD. How'd you get it?" Sam asked.

"I thought it was one of John's video games and packed it when we left Atlantis. He showed me what it was for."

"That'd be perfect," Daniel said, "only problem is you need a specific gene to work that and none of us have it."

Dave thought 'on' and turned it to show the others the glowing dots on the screen. "I do," Dave announced.

Daniel made a face like he should have figured that out. "Of course you do. Colonel Sheppard has the strongest gene we know of. It only stands to reason his brother would, too."

"I don't know," Sam wavered, "It could still be pretty dangerous."

"If we know how many and exactly where they are, I can just stay behind a short ways until you're able to subdue them," Dave reasoned. "I just want to be there to make sure John's all right."

Mitchell and Carter looked at each other and both did a kind of shrug and a nod.

"Okay," Mitchell agreed, "But you follow our orders exactly."

Dave agreed.

"Jenkins said he'll have his men and a medical team waiting nearby."

Teal'c raised an eyebrow. "Would it not be more efficient for the Daedelus to simply transport Colonel Sheppard from his location up to the ship?"

"It would be more efficient," Sam explained. "But this isn't technically a military situation. The only reason we were allowed to interfere is because John is in the Air Force. But we can't arrest or prosecute these guys. We need the local police to do that. And I think they'd be a little suspicious if the victim just dematerialized into thin air. So, we need to do this as traditionally as possible."

"We're just not above using advanced alien technology to accomplish this … traditionally, of course," Daniel added.

Julia walked into the kitchen and Dave filled her in on what they'd discussed so far. She started pulling out pots and pans and said she'd put together something for breakfast for everyone, despite some protests.

Dave just waved them off and insisted, "She needs to keep occupied or this whole thing will drive her crazy. She's grown really close to John in the past four months and she's just as worried as I am."

Breakfast was finished and everyone was ready to move as soon as they got the word. Jenkins and his men were standing by as well.

Around 7:15 they got word that the Daedelus had arrived and were scanning for the signal from Sheppard's transponder. As they knew the general vicinity it only took moments to get an exact location. Jenkin's men were dispatched and Dave told Sam it would take about fifteen minutes to get to that location from here.

"Actually," Jackson interceded, "We've got a quicker way."

They all thanked Julia for the breakfast and said they'd contact her as soon as they had John. With a word from Mitchell, they disappeared in a beam of light. The next thing Dave knew he was standing on the bridge of what was obviously a spaceship, the Daedelus, he assumed.

He rotated slowly and took in the view out the huge window in front of him then continued around as he heard a voice greet them.

"Colonel Carter, Colonel Mitchell, Dr. Jackson, Teal'c."

Dave saw the man who had greeted them rise from his seat in the middle of the room and take a few steps towards them. He was an imposing figure but then many of the military brass that he'd met over the years had that same aura.

The man continued, "I thought Sheppard was recovering from his injury. What kind of trouble had he gotten himself into now?"

"This wasn't his fault," Dave defended his brother. But before he could say anything else, Sam introduced them.

"Colonel Steven Caldwell, David Sheppard, John's brother."

Caldwell just nodded at the man and asked, "Why is he here?"

Daniel lifted David's hand that was holding the Ancient device. "He's got an LSD and he's the only one with the gene to use it."

"The gene? He's a Sheppard; of course he's got the gene. How …?" Caldwell shook his head. "Never mind. I don't want to know how he got that."

He looked at the SGC team and asked, "You want to fill me in on the situation."

Sam and Mitchell took turns outlining the series of events and their plans.

"Jenkins and his men will be there soon so we should probably get going," Mitchell announced.

"Marks?" Caldwell addressed the man sitting at the console behind them. "You got a place you can put them down?"

"Yes, Sir," the Major answered. "There's an alley right next to the building."

"Okay," Caldwell responded, "We'll have our ears open so if you get into any trouble you can't handle, give us a yell."

"Thank you, Steven," Sam replied.

"Mr. Sheppard," Caldwell addressed David now. "Tell your brother to step up this rehab a bit if he can. Woolsey's blood pressure is getting dangerously high without John there to defuse some of the more volatile situations, especially the ones involving Dr. McKay."

Dave smiled when he realized the man was giving John a huge compliment. "He's pushing himself pretty hard already but I'll deliver the message."

The next thing Dave knew he had that tingly feeling and he found himself in an alley in between what looked like two warehouses. The team walked around the building and found Jenkins and his men approaching from the other direction.

"You're sure they're in there?" Jenkins asked as he got closer.

"Colonel Sheppard's signal is transmitting from inside this building," Mitchell explained. He looked at Dave and said, "How many we got inside?"

It took Dave a second to realize this was why he'd been brought along. He looked at the LSD and thought about the warehouse in front of him. He immediately saw a floor plan of the building and four red dots.

"Four altogether," Dave said and showed the others. "One here," he pointed to a room near the front, "two here and one in this back room."

Jenkins eyes grew wide as he realized what the device could do. "The police department sure could use something like that."

"Sorry," Sam apologized then quickly instructed, "Detective Jenkins, have your men cover all the exits in case one of them slips by us. We'll let you know as soon as Colonel Sheppard is safe and the kidnappers are subdued. Stay on your radio in case we need assistance."

She added this last part just to make the man feel useful. With the LSD and the Zats they could take these guys without incidence. Then Jenkins could take all the credit for apprehending the kidnappers.

"Be ready to send in a medical team when we say the word."

Everybody was dispatched to their positions and the team entered the building followed by Dave still holding the LSD. The first man was taken easily enough as he was lying in a cot in the front office. Mitchell's 9mm in his face stopped him from attempting anything stupid.

They quickly secured him and moved to the room where the two life signs were detected. Sam expected one to be John and the other a guard but both were kidnappers sitting at a card table drinking coffee and eating donuts. Again it took very little effort to get them restrained.

"This last one must be John," Sam said and they cautiously walked down the hall and opened the door to the room where the red dot was.

Dave sucked in a deep breath as he saw John across the room lying on a mattress with his hands tied to the wall behind him.

He rushed over and vaguely heard Carter say, "Jenkins, you can come in and get these guys. We got no resistance. And send in the med team, now!"

Dave sat down on the mattress and started pulling at the rope that was binding John to the wall. A knife appeared by his side as Mitchell said, "Here, this might be easier."

Dave quickly cut the bindings from the wall then freed John's hands and got rid of the gag.

"John! John!" Dave cried attempting to get a response. He ran his hands over John's bruised face and touched the swollen cut on the side of his head.

"Bastards!" he swore when he realized how much they'd done to his little brother. He looked up panicked at Sam who had knelt by the side of the mattress and had put her hand to John's neck.

"His pulse is kind of erratic," she said puzzled.

"Could be this," Jackson interrupted and held up a few pills he'd found next to a cup of water on the tray table. "They must have drugged him to keep him from attempting to escape."

The medical team walked in and Daniel gave them the pills to bring to the hospital for analysis. Dave stepped back as the EMT's checked John's vitals and hooked him up to an IV. He was so still and pale except for the bruises and cuts on his face.

Dave felt guilt assault him as he realized this was his fault. John hadn't wanted to go to the stockholder's meeting. Dave had guilted him into it.

Jenkins walked in holding Boss by the arm, his hands cuffed behind his back. Dave felt an eruption of anger so hot and intense it scared him for a second. He quickly reeled it in as he moved purposefully toward the man.

"What did you do to him?" he demanded as the control slipped and he found his fist connecting to the man's face causing him to fly backwards onto the floor.

Dave moved forward again and Boss cried out, "Hey, you can't let him do that to me."

Sam and Jenkins both looked away and echoed, "Do what? I didn't see anything."

Dave hauled the man up by his shirt and growled into his face, "What did you give him and how many?"

"Tranquilizers? I don't know, a few, maybe half a dozen. I didn't count. He kept trying to escape and assaulting us," he finished as if that was a good enough excuse for what he'd done.

Dave took in a few deep breaths trying to calm himself so he wouldn't wrap him hands around this man's throat and squeeze long and hard.

Jenkins dragged the man off and Dave turned around to focus on John. The medics were lifting him onto the gurney and preparing for transport.

"How is he?" Dave inquired anxiously.

"His breathing is very shallow and his responses are extremely sluggish. All signs of an overdose. We need to get him to the hospital as quick as we can."

They moved to the waiting ambulance outside and as Dave was about to get in, he saw the team that had rescued John and gave a heartfelt, "Thank you!"

Sam just nodded her head and said, "We'll stop by the hospital in a little while. Take care of him until we get there."

Dave climbed in the back and the vehicle took off down the road, the siren telling all to move out of the way. Dave grabbed for John's hand and held on tight. His anger came back again as he looked at the cuts and scrapes on his wrists. Some of the scars from a few months back were still quite visible and Dave noted the difference. This time John had damaged his wrists fighting 'for' his life not to end it.

He continued to hold John's hand and talk to him, encouraging him to hold on. The trip to the hospital was swift and John was rolled down the hall to an exam room. Dave gave him one last pep talk before they took him in.

"I'll be right here if you need me, John, okay? You're gonna be fine."

As he squeezed his brother's hand he noticed John twitch. His heart jumped thinking he was waking up but all of a sudden John's whole body started twitching and shaking.

Someone pushed Dave out of the way and yelled, "He's seizing!" and then John's gurney was pushed through the doors which closed once he was through.

Several more medical personnel poured past him and through the doors and Dave tried to take a step to go with them. A hand on his arm stopped him and a young nurse guided him away from the door and down a hallway to the registration desk.

Dave sat down numbly and automatically provided the information they needed about John. He was sent to the waiting room with the promise that a doctor would give him information as soon as they knew anything.

Some time went by, Dave wasn't sure how much, when he realized he hadn't called Julia yet. He pulled his cell phone out, dialed and told her where he was and that the doctor was looking at John now.

Twenty minutes later, Julia walked into the waiting room to find Dave exactly where he'd been since he came in; his eyes glued in the direction of the room John had been taken into. She slid onto the couch next to David and wrapped her arms around his middle. Only at this point did David even realize that she had arrived.

He turned toward her and pulled her into an embrace, trying to gather new strength from her. He knew his was slowly waning the longer he waited for news. After a minute of absorbing Julia's love and support, he filled her in on what had happened and the little he knew of John's condition.

"He started having a seizure right when they were talking him away." David's voice actually cracked a bit at this statement and Julia could tell his emotions were on the edge. She continued to hold him, saying very little, just providing the support he needed.

After what seemed like forever but probably wasn't more than an hour after Julia arrived, Dave heard his name being called. A woman about in her fifties, wearing a lab coat, approached him.

"Mr. Sheppard? I'm Dr. Norwood. I'm looking after your brother."

Dave shook her hand, introduced Julia and asked, "How's John?"

The doctor gave a tiny smile and said, "I think he's going to be okay."

At that Dave let out a breath and wondered how long he'd been holding it in.

Dr. Norwood continued, "You obviously saw the bruises and lacerations on his face and wrists. He has a slight concussion from a blow to the side of the head as well as a few bruised ribs, luckily nothing broken. The biggest concern were the drugs he was forced to ingest. The tox screen came back with very high levels of Phenobarbital. We attempted to pump his stomach but, at a guess, he hasn't had anything to eat or drink for close to twenty four hours. That also means there was nothing else to absorb the drugs except his body."

The doctor took a deep breath. "He did experience a mild seizure when he was first brought in which we surmise was caused by the drug overdose. We've got him on IV's for rehydration and some medicine to hopefully counteract the barbiturates. We also have him on oxygen as a precaution to respiratory distress and to help him along. He seems to be responding nicely so far."

Dave took a minute to absorb all the information then asked, "Is he awake yet? Can we see him?"

"With the amount of drugs in his system it could be a few hours before he wakes up. But yes, you may see him. It may actually help to bring him out of unconsciousness for someone to talk to him."

Dave thanked the doctor and got John's room number.

"We'll definitely be keeping him over night. But unless he has some adverse reactions to all of this, he should be able to go home tomorrow."

Dave and Julia followed the directions and arrived at John's room to find a nurse adjusting an IV and another one setting an oxygen mask on his face. As soon as the nurses were out of the way, Julia sat on the side of the bed, one hand holding John's, the other stroking his hair. She looked up at Dave who had settled himself in a chair on the other side of the bed and noticed his eyes were shimmering with moisture, just as hers were.

"Why did they have to do this to him? You would have paid the money!" Julia asked her eyes going back to John's bruised face.

"Because my brother couldn't just sit and be a good boy. He had to keep trying to escape."

Then Dave chuckled, "You should have seen two of them. John beat the crap out of them. One's got a broken arm, the other a broken nose and a concussion."

Julia tried to smile but the thought of John having to fight these guys for his very survival, just made her heart ache.

She leaned over and put her lips on John's forehead. She kissed him then whispered, "Come on sweetie, wake up and show us that you're okay."

Dr. Norwood came in every half hour to check on him and on the third visit declared he was breathing well enough to remove the oxygen mask. "He's just in a deep sleep now. I imagine he could wake up at any time. I'll keep checking on him but let someone at the desk know when he does wake up."

They thanked the doctor and went back to their vigil. A few minutes later Dave sat up straight and pulled out his cell phone. "I forgot to call Nancy but I don't have her number."

He called Mrs. Tucker, relayed John's condition to her and asked her to let Nancy know. Fifteen minutes later Nancy cautiously entered the room. "Is he conscious yet?" she asked nervously as she moved closer to the bed.

Julia reached her hand out to touch Nancy's arm and informed her, "He's just sleeping."

"They caught the men who did this to him?" Nancy questioned.

Dave nodded and said, "All locked up."

As they watched John again, he stirred slightly so Julia stroked his hair again saying, "You can wake up now, John. You're safe here with us."

John moved again, made a little noise and a serene smile came on his face. "Teyla," he whispered then grew still again.

Julia looked at Nancy's face wondering about the history between these two. Nancy seemed relieved that John would be okay but there was also a sadness in her eyes. Julia wondered if it was regret for the loss of their relationship or for John's new one or something else entirely.

Another small moan slipped out of John's mouth and his eyes fluttered open then closed again. Julia ruffled his hair gently. "Come on sleepyhead. Show us those gorgeous green eyes."

John obliged though it looked like a struggle to keep them open.

Dave reached for John's other hand and inquired, "How are you feeling?"

John sighed and his eyes closed again. He attempted to get them open and grunted, "Tired, headache. Bastard shoved some pills down my throat."

"We know. They were some sort of sedative or tranquilizer," Dave supplied. "You've been sleeping them off for the past few hours."

When John's eyes opened again a minute later he took in the people in the room. He squeezed Julia's hand and gave her a lopsided grin then looked at his ex-wife. "Nancy?"

"Hi, John," she said shyly, knowing she really had no right to even be here. "I just wanted to see for myself that you were all right before I went back to Washington."

The crooked grin appeared again and he replied, "I'm good, thanks."

Nancy's eyes grew troubled and she asked, "How does she do it?"

John looked confused, "Who?"

"Teyla. How does she deal with this life of danger you seem to crave."

John's smile grew bigger at the thought of Teyla. Then his face grew serious for a moment. "Teyla's people live with danger every day. It's nothing new for her. Since we've been there things have started to get a little better and they finally have a hope for a peaceful life."

Nancy nodded her understanding. "I'm glad she's strong enough to always be there for you and I'm glad you're there for her."

John's worried face made Julia add, "You're getting there John. You'll be back soon, you'll see."

Nancy leaned down and kissed John's cheek and said, "Be careful, John," and then she left.

John let out another sigh and looked at Dave. "So what happened? You didn't actually pay these clowns the money, did you?"

Dave explained about calling Sam and using the Daedelus, once it was finally here, to locate him. As he was finishing up the details there was a soft knock on the door and Carter, Mitchell, Jackson and Teal'c walked in.

John raised his hand and said, "I understand I've got you to thank for pulling my bacon out of the fire."

"Anytime, Sheppard," Mitchell declared. "Been a little boring at the SGC lately now that we've banished most of the bad guys from this galaxy."

John chuckled, "Well, you can head over to Pegasus. They're still working on their bad guys."

"We're all set, thanks," Jackson returned. "Cam just thinks that anything less than saving the world is boring." A few more chuckles rang through the room.

Sam addressed Dave. "I just finished talking to Jenkins. Apparently they picked up this Melissa person, although it wasn't her real name. She claims this Ian guy didn't know anything about the kidnapping. He was just a patsy she was milking for information."

"Ian?" John interrupted. "Not _Ian_ Ian?"

At Dave's nod, John's eyes grew fierce. "_He _was involved in this?"

"Indirectly," Daniel said and explained what happened.

"Don't worry, John," Dave assured him, "he won't be returning to PSI and if I have anything to say about it he won't be working in this industry again."

"I don't care where he works, I just want to wring his scrawny little neck," John growled.

"Down boy!" Mitchell laughed. "Maybe you should wait until you're fully awake, huh?"

"Perhaps we should allow Colonel Sheppard to get some rest," Teal'c suggested.

"Like I haven't slept enough," John retorted.

"Teal'c's right," Sam agreed. "But before we go, I did want to tell you that Jenkins and his men discovered evidence that suggests these guys are responsible for at least five other kidnappings in the last two years. It feels pretty good to put these guys out of business."

Everyone agreed then SG-1 said their goodbyes and left. Once they were gone, Dave looked seriously at his brother and apologized. "This should not have happened. I'm really sorry, John. I know you didn't want to go to that stockholder's meeting and I forced you into it."

"Dave!" John cut him off. "Didn't you hear Carter? These guys did this for a living. They were just waiting for the right opportunity. If it wasn't then, it would have been another time. Like at rehab and then maybe Lisa or Helen would have gotten hurt or at home and Julia may have been there."

He pointed to the bruise on Dave's forehead. "You okay?"

Dave just rolled his eyes and replied, "Says the man in the hospital bed with the split lip and black eye. Not to mention a concussion, bruised ribs and a drug overdose."

John chuckled then looked thoughtful. "You know, Dave, right before this all happened, I believe we were having a conversation about how I'd be safer here with you because I wouldn't get beaten up on a daily basis. You have anything else to add to that now?"

"No!" Dave just glared at his brother, "although I am supposed to let the nurses know you're awake."

Dave stood up and moved to the door but Dr. Norwood came in before he could go anywhere.

"Just coming to tell you he's awake." Dave addressed the doctor.

She answered, "Yes, I can see that. Why don't you two take a break while I do a thorough exam?"

They nodded and Julia asked, "John, can we get anything for you while we're out?"

John's eyes lit up and he blurted out, "Food!"

They looked at Dr. Norwood who nodded and suggested, "Just nothing too heavy. We don't want his stomach staging a revolt."

They walked down to the cafeteria and Julia asked Dave about John and Nancy's relationship.

Dave took a deep breath. "Well John was pretty young, they both were. John was barely out of flight school when they met and they got married a year later. My Dad loved Nancy and was absolutely thrilled that she and John were together. Honestly, sometimes I wonder if John didn't marry her because he so desperately wanted Dad's approval for something, _anything_. Marrying Nancy was about the _only_ thing John ever did that Dad _did_ approve of. John was quite the rebel back then."

At Julia's look he corrected, "Still is. But I know he was happy that Dad really liked Nancy. Oh, don't get me wrong, John loved Nancy, I know he did, but I don't think Nancy was strong enough to deal with the man that is John Sheppard. John was away on secret missions all the time and when he was home he couldn't talk about anything he was doing."

"It used to drive Nancy crazy. And you know John; he wouldn't even discuss how he felt about things. Nancy finally got tired of being alone and all the secrets. She left him before they'd even been married two years. John shipped out to Afghanistan shortly after that."

As they walked through the cafeteria line picking up a few salads and sandwiches, Julia commented, "That's sad."

Dave agreed, "Yeah, it is. But honestly, as much as I love Nancy and she _is _a wonderful woman, I truly believe she's not right for a man like John."

They paid for their purchases and headed back to the room.

"Nancy seems really nice and sweet," Julia began, "but I think I have to agree with you, especially since meeting Teyla. Now that woman has the strength to put John in his place."

Dave chuckled, "Both mentally and physically."

When they got back to the room, Dr. Norwood was gone and John was asleep again so Dave and Julia ate quietly and settled back down in their seats.

John woke up grumbling about an hour later but the salad and sandwich they gave him quieted him right down. He finished the salad and was halfway through the sandwich when he suddenly stopped and looked panicked at the clock on the wall.

He tried to mumble something around his sandwich but what came out was unintelligible. He chewed vigorously, grabbed for his water then swallowed hard.

"Dave, I need my laptop!"

"What? Why?"

"Woolsey's got a video conference scheduled with the IOA today which means they'll have a direct wormhole open between Earth and Pegasus. Rodney, Teyla and I planned to have our own video conference during that time. But the gate will only be open for about a half hour and it's starting in less than forty minutes. It'll be another few months before they have a direct wormhole open again for that long."

Dave knew how much John needed to see his team but time was limited. "I'm not sure I can make it home and back in that amount of time, John. It's rush hour right now. I'm sorry."

Dave's heart dropped at the intense look of disappointment on John's face. But his brother gave a half-hearted smile and nodded his understanding.

Julia couldn't bear for something else to go wrong for John so she slapped Dave on the arm and ordered, "Get your phone out, call Carlos and have him start driving it over here. You can meet him somewhere."

"You are brilliant, Julia!" Dave exclaimed as he did just what she'd suggested. Julia announced she'd stay and keep John company while Dave left to get the laptop.

"Are you still tired?" Julia asked him a few minutes after Dave had gone.

"Yeah," John replied. "I just feel really groggy and fuzzy."

"Why don't you just close your eyes for a few minutes and rest," Julia recommended. "I promise I'll wake you up as soon as Dave gets back."

John appeared worried again. "I hope he gets back here in time. The videos they send are great but I really wanted to be able to interact."

Julia patted his shoulder as he closed his eyes. She _also_ wished for Dave to get back here in time.

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	13. Chapter 13

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.

"Okay, where the hell is Sheppard?" Rodney whined. "We only have about a half hour and he's already wasted over ten minutes."

Teyla looked as worried as Rodney was annoyed. "Perhaps something happened and he was unable to get to a computer."

Ronon gave a half growl, "He probably just forgot."

Torren was starting to fidget so Teyla told him to go get his blanket and stuffed animal from his room. He started in that direction then stopped and looked at his mother, his worry echoing hers.

"Mama, we see Papa Bear?"

Teyla looked back at the computer screen and voiced, "I hope so, Torren."

Jennifer reached over and touched Teyla's arm trying to offer her comfort. Torren toddled back over with _his_ comfort items and climbed in his mother's lap just as the tone on the computer sounded to indicate an incoming call.

Rodney plopped himself in the center of the couch right in front of the webcam and pressed the key that would connect the call.

"Well, it's about time, Sheppard!" Rodney reprimanded then stopped short when he saw the split lip and bruises on the face of his closest friend on the screen.

"What the hell …?"

The others crowded around him to look so he hit a few more keys and John's image appeared on the large screen across the room as well.

"Hey, Rodney," John greeted. "How are you? Who else is there?"

Rodney moved the laptop further away on the table so John could have a better view of those seated around him.

Teyla's voice rose an octave as she gasped, "John, what has happened?"

"I'm fine, really," He consoled them. "Just a little mishap."

Jennifer broke in, "If it's just a little mishap, Colonel, then why does it look like you're in a hospital, if I'm not mistaken?"

John looked uncomfortable and he gave a crooked smile as he replied, "Um, because I am."

Ronon turned the computer slightly so John could see him and growled, "Sheppard, give!"

John just made a face and briefly filled them in. "I just ran into a few entrepreneurial types who thought the best way to make money was to ask rich guys like Dave for it, in exchange for … me staying alive."

"You were kidnapped and held for ransom?" Rodney yelled. "Holy Crap! Wait, how much did they ask for?"

The slap from Jennifer came at the same time as the "McKay!" from John.

"Yet you were still injured," Teyla observed. "Was David unable to procure the amount of currency they required?"

There was a loud objection next to John and Dave's voice could be heard saying, "Go ahead, John, tell them why these guys beat the crap out of you."

John glared in the direction of Dave's voice and said, "Dave was willing to pay the money, they just got … a little upset. I, uh … tried to escape … a few times."

"So you can walk now, Sheppard?" Ronon presumed.

John made another face and said, "Not entirely, no."

"Wait!" Rodney demanded. "Are you telling me you still can't walk but you tried to escape anyway?"

"All right, when you put it that way, it sounds kind of stupid. But I got in a few licks of my own. Two of these guys weren't looking too good at the end."

Jennifer looked doubtful so John turned the computer to show Dave sitting in a chair with a newspaper in his lap. "Tell 'em, Dave."

Dave looked up and admitted, "Yep, concussion on one and broken arm on the other."

John turned the laptop back and said smugly, "See!"

Ronon barked out, "Way to go, Sheppard!" but Teyla looked disapproving.

"You could have been seriously injured or killed, John. How were you able to finally get away from these men?"

"SG-1 and the Daedelus came to my rescue." He filled them in on what transpired leaving out most of the juicier details so they didn't worry so much. John then attempted to change the subject.

"We've only got about ten minutes left so fill me in on what's going on there."

Rodney started to jump in but Jennifer cut him off. "Torren really wanted to talk to you!"

She pushed Rodney over so Teyla and Torren were in the center of the webcam. As soon as John saw T.J. his whole face lit up.

"Hey, Baby Bear, how've you been?"

Torren cried with excitement, his face as happy as John's. "I see you!"

"Yes, I can see you, too," John replied indulgently. "Are you being a good boy for your Mom?"

"Yup," the boy promised, then asked, "You wead me torwy, pease!"

"I'd love to read you a story, T.J. but we don't have enough time right now. Tell you what, though," John vowed, "I'll send you a recording of one, okay? What do you want me to read?"

Torren named a favorite book and John readily agreed. His eyes then moved up to Teyla and he questioned, "How're you doing, Teyla?"

Teyla's smile was sad but stoic. "We will all be much better when you have returned home to us."

Everyone seconded that.

"I'm trying the best I can. I'm starting to get around pretty well by myself with a walker. The next step is to wean myself off of that. I'll get there," he stated tenaciously.

The webcam was turned so everyone had a chance to say hi and so John could see everyone in turn.

Rodney sadly reminded them, "Uh, friends, I hate to be a party pooper but the wormhole's going to shut down soon."

Rodney hated the downtrodden look on his friend's face as he said goodbye. They signed off and everyone grew quiet.

"We need to go visit him!" Rodney suddenly declared. "You know, cheer him up until he can come home for good."

"That would be lovely," Teyla sighed wistfully.

"Yes it would be!" Rodney agreed. "Actually, it's John's birthday in a few weeks. I was just thinking that I should have sent something back with the Daedelus last time it was here, but I didn't think enough ahead."

Rodney's grin grew. "But now I'm thinking maybe I can just send him … me!"

He saw a few scowls in the room and amended, "Or us."

Jennifer tilted her head at Rodney and said, "Didn't you say he was turning forty this year? Having his team there would be a great way to celebrate that."

"Would you not be able to accompany us, Jennifer_, if_ Mr. Woolsey agreed?" Teyla addressed her friend.

Jennifer shook her head. "Remember I just had those three weeks with my Dad on Earth a few months ago."

Teyla nodded her understanding then Rodney stood up and announced, "I'm going to talk to Woolsey about this right now."

Ronon cleared his throat, "Shouldn't we check that it's okay with Sheppard's brother before we go making any plans?"

"David will not mind," Teyla assured them. "I believe he would readily accept any idea that helped ease John's distress at being incapacitated. He has invited Torren and I back there any time we wish."

Rodney moved toward the door. "As soon as I've worked things out with Woolsey I'll let you know, Teyla, and you can contact Sheppard's brother."

His eyes looked thoughtful, "I wonder if I could squeeze in a quick trip to see Jeannie? I haven't seen her in a while. It could be a two-for-one deal, hmm!"

The door closed behind him. Ronon stood up and followed Rodney's path to the door. "It'd be great to see Sheppard again. I could give him a kick and get his lazy ass moving."

Jennifer was about to protest but Teyla stopped her. "Yes, Ronon, it would be a wonderful thing but I am not intending to raise _my _hopes. I was there two months ago. I am uncertain if I would be allowed to return for another visit, especially as Mr. Woolsey has already approved my journey to Earth for David and Julia's wedding."

Ronon just got a funny look in his eye and said, "See you later."

Torren asked to see John again so Teyla set him up across the room and programmed the computer to play a few of the recordings of John from their visit. Jennifer and Teyla settled back on the couch.

"Have you gotten any other messages from John recently?" Jennifer inquired once they were comfortable.

Teyla gently nodded. "Yes, he sends a message every week. It is not usually prolonged in length however he reminds Torren that he loves him and misses him. Torren and I attempt to send one every night even though we know they will only go through the Stargate once a week. It has become a ritual for Torren at bedtime and helps him to get to sleep."

Jennifer looked sheepishly at Teyla and wondered, "He tells Torren he loves him, any words for you?"

Teyla blushed and glanced at her hands for a second before she answered, "He says he misses me as well and looks forward to the time that we may be together again."

"Together?" Jennifer's eyebrow rose. "As in _together_, together?"

Teyla blushed even deeper. "He does not clarify his meaning of the word 'together'."

Jennifer continued, "But you'd like together to mean more than just _in the same room_, am I right?"

"I would," Teyla answered honestly. "When John and I held each other close my last night on Earth, it was exquisite. I cannot even imagine the strength of my emotions if we were to …"

"Do it!" Jennifer finished for her.

Teyla just rolled her eyes.

"Well maybe Rodney will be successful with Woolsey and you'll all be able to see the Colonel for his birthday." Jennifer suggested.

"I do not wish to raise my hopes but I could think of nothing better," Teyla gazed over at Torren who was still watching the recording of John. She felt the ever present band around her heart tighten at the knowledge that the real John Sheppard was not within their reach.

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"Colonel, Come on in," Dr. Lambert invited as John moved in the door with the walker and went slowly over to the comfortable chairs. Lambert sat in the chair next to him and commented, "Heard you had quite a bit of excitement the last few days."

"Yeah, sorry I missed my session Monday. Dave talked me into attending a stockholder's meetings and I should have been back here by noon. Unfortunately it turned into a little more than that."

"I can see that by the cuts and bruises on your face. You've got a nice shiner going there, too.

John subconsciously lifted his hand to his face and Lambert noticed the scrapes and abrasions circling his wrist. John saw where his eyes had gone and lowered his hand and defended, "Not my fault this time, Doc."

"I understand that, Colonel. I think it would be a good idea to talk about what happened, though."

"Why?"

"Being kidnapped and beaten is a very traumatic event. I know you consider yourself a bit of a tough guy but it can affect you in ways you don't even realize."

John grinned and said, "I don't think _you_ realize that what happened here was minor compared to some of the things that have happened to me. I'm really fine. I was worried more about Dave and how guilty he'd feel. He was there when it happened."

"So being held captive and beaten isn't a new thing," Lambert clarified.

"Actually, Doc," John said pointing to the cuts and bruises, "this only happened because I kept getting loose and jumping the guys who grabbed me. Honestly, they look a lot worse, concussion, broken arm…"

Lambert's eyes grew wider in disbelief. "And you did this all from your wheelchair?"

John shook his head. "No wheelchair or even walker. These guys just weren't expecting any resistance from a cripple."

Lambert cringed whenever he used that word and John wondered if he didn't use it for shock value sometimes. Except that his injury _had_ left him crippled, the true meaning being disabled. And these last four months he certainly had been _unable_ to do much of what he wanted to do.

Lambert stared thoughtfully at him, like he usually did when he was trying to get John to cough up information on his own. He should know by now that it didn't work. So he started with the questions again.

"Would you like to share with me one of the times you were talking about?"

John looked at him skeptically and said, "Not really."

He knew Lambert would dig some more and he'd probably, eventually throw him some scrap of information. But he knew Dave was paying big money for this service, he was going to make the man work for it.

Lambert just laughed at the question and answer game they always ended up playing.

"What was the worst? Was it here on Earth or in the other galaxy you've been living in?"

John took a deep breath. He didn't have to think too hard to know the answer to that one.

"One time stands out more than others, I can see that," Lambert revealed and John wondered how this guy could read him so well. He thought he was an expert at covering up those feelings. Apparently he was slipping, he'd have to do better once he got back to Atlantis.

"Who was it that had you that time?" Lambert pushed for more information.

John's eyes grew cold and dark and he almost spat out the name, "Kolya!"

Lambert was taken aback at the depth of hostility that came out with that name.

"Tell me about this person, Colonel," Lambert coerced.

John's eyes stayed dark and after a few moments started telling the doctor about meeting the Genii and how's they'd tried to take Atlantis. Lambert stayed quiet for the most part, throwing in a question here or there. He tried to keep his expression neutral but when Sheppard responded that he'd killed over sixty of Kolya's men, he almost blew it.

But the Colonel kept going, telling him about Kolya's participation in stealing the ZPM from the Daganians. "I should have killed him then when I had the chance," Sheppard growled menacingly.

"You met up with him again, I take it."

John just nodded and grew quiet. Lambert wondered if he was going to have to do some fancy foot work to get the next bit of information out of Sheppard. He figured this next part was the '_worst_' he had asked for. But would Sheppard actually share it?

John stared at his hands clenched on his thighs and started talking again. "He set a trap for me. Grabbed me as I was following my team back through the gate and kept me from going through."

He continued to explain about Kolya wanting to trade for Ladon and that Elizabeth had complied with his orders not to give him what he wanted.

"And what did this Kolya do when they refused to trade?"

John looked up. "I told you about the Wraith, right?"

At Lambert's astonished nod John finished, "They had one they'd been _playing_ with for quite a few years."

"He threatened to let a Wraith feed on you?"

John's voice went deadly calm. "He didn't threaten." His hand went up and pulled aside the neck of his shirt so Lambert could see the V shaped scar at the base of his throat.

Lambert's eyes nearly popped out of his head. "I thought you said those things suck the life out of you until you're just a dried out husk?"

"If they feed long enough," John replied back.

"Painful I imagine."

"Worse than anything I've ever endured. But truthfully the worst part was knowing Kolya was transmitting the image back to Atlantis and they were all watching it happen. And each time it just got worse."

"Wait!" Lambert stopped him. "How many times did this happen?"

"Three times with Kolya sending a live feed to Atlantis. He gave them three hours in between each feeding to give me time to _recover_ a bit before the next one."

John then told him about the alliance he'd made with Todd and how they'd escaped. He also told him how Todd had fed on him one last time so he could take out Kolya's men but then restored his life to repay his debt to John.

John looked at Lambert who for the first time seemed to have nothing to say. His eyes were wide and filled with horror. John flashed him a small grin.

"So having a few guys pound on you isn't really a big deal."

Lambert nodded his head slowly and said, "I can see why."

The room grew quiet again until Lambert asked, "What happened to Kolya?"

"He got away that time."

"That time?" Lambert clarified. "So there was another time you had to deal with him. What happened?"

John looked up and coldly replied, "He was terrorizing a group of harmless villagers then took my team hostage."

"But not you?" Lambert asked.

John shrugged. "I managed to get away."

"And what did he want with your team?"

"He wanted to get to _me_. He wanted me dead."

Lambert remained silent so John continued, "That didn't happen."

"I can see that, Colonel. How did you manage to free your team?"

John's answer was very matter-of-fact. "I killed Kolya."

Lambert was very quiet again as he absorbed what John had told him. "So I guess that was the end of your problems with this Kolya?"

John moved a bit restlessly and looked somewhat uneasy.

"You said you killed him," Lambert reiterated then noticed the Colonel appeared troubled so he pushed the issue. "Did something else happen?"

The look on Sheppard's face almost seemed like fear except the doctor had never seen this man frightened of anything.

"You told me everything said here, stays here, right?" John checked.

"Absolutely, Colonel," Lambert assured him. "What's troubling you?"

John looked confused then confided, "Kolya came back a few years later in a kind of … hallucination."

John went on to explain about the Sakari and how they'd manipulated Woolsey and McKay into helping them.

"So why were _you_ affected?"

John grimaced, "They just wanted me to stay out of the way and not interfere. But it's the illusion I had that bothers me."

"Was this when Kolya appeared?"

John nodded, "I thought they pulled him out of my head to keep me occupied but they said _**I **_was in control of how the illusion played out."

"So you conjured up Kolya to keep yourself occupied. And what did Kolya do in this illusion?"

John closed his eyes for a second. "Beat me up, tortured me. I didn't get why my subconscious would do that but the Sakari said I tortured myself every day."

"What exactly did Kolya do in this illusion and what was he trying to accomplish?"

"Kolya wanted to get to Atlantis so he was beating me trying to get me to give up my codes. I knew there was no way he could get the jumper flying without the gene. He knew that, too, so he …" John stopped and swallowed hard.

"He what?" Lambert urged.

John's eyes grew pained. "He … cut off my hand … and used the genetic material to start the jumper."

Lambert's eyes grew wider as John continued. "When I came to, he taunted me saying I'd be the reason everyone on Atlantis died."

"And you thought all this was real? The pain and emotion were real?"

John nodded wondering when the Doc was going to pull out the paperwork for that Section 8.

"And what do you make of all this?" Lambert threw the question back at him. "Do you think what he says has any validity?"

"Well, there was another time," John began and told Lambert about the crystal entity that had invaded everyone's dreams. He mentioned a few of the fears that people had dreamed about.

When Lambert asked, "And what was _your _biggest fear?" John's confused eyes looked _at _and then away from the doctor.

"Me," John whispered and when Lambert now looked confused, he elaborated, "My nightmare was _me _fighting _me_, and blaming myself for letting all my friends down."

Lambert started nodding and a look of understanding came across his face.

"You figured something out, Doc?" John asked curiously.

Lambert smiled. "You've got a lot of responsibility in your job as Military Commander, don't you?"

John nodded so Lambert continued, "Have you lost many people since you've been there?"

The pain in John's eyes intensified. "Too many!"

"And how many were you personally responsible for?"

"All of them!" John cried. "None of them should have died."

Lambert looked curious. "How could you have avoided that?"

John explained about Atlantis being under water and how they'd gone to Athos for help. He talked about finding the necklace which in actuality alerted the Wraith to the presence of someone with the Ancient gene. He gave Lambert the rest of the story about waking all the Wraith by killing the Queen then he gave a big sigh and sat quietly looking down at his hands.

"That's a lot of guilt for one person to carry around, Colonel. I'd like to explore some of this in our future sessions. See if I can help you alleviate some of this burden you carry. I don't think you're personally responsible for all the ills of the Pegasus Galaxy, no matter how much you want to take credit for it. Are you okay with that goal?"

John's look of relief gave Lambert all the answer he needed but his head nodded just to confirm.

"That'd actually be really great, Doc. _If_ you can do it."

"You're a pretty tough nut to crack, Colonel Sheppard, but I think I'll take that challenge and see what we can do."

John felt a tiny bit of weight slide off his shoulders and the word, "Thanks," slipped out of his mouth.

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"What time is your team getting here today?" Lisa asked John as they walked slowly down the path toward the parking lot. John paused, leaning heavily on the cane he was using, his muscles screaming in protest at the workout he'd put them through.

"I don't know," John replied and urged his legs on again. "Depends on _how_ they're getting here. If they're hitching a ride from the Air Force it'll probably be earlier than if they have to use a commercial flight."

He still couldn't believe he was finally going to see Rodney and Ronon after four and a half months. And it had been two months since Teyla had been here.

John frowned as he said out loud, "T.J.'s not coming, though."

Lisa's concern was evident in her voice, "Oh, no! Why not?"

John sighed, "He had such a hard time leaving last time Teyla didn't want to put him through that again. And I completely understand and agree with her reasoning but …"

"But you really miss him," Lisa finished for him.

"Yeah, I do," John admitted sadly. He'd had messages from Teyla and T.J. every night and it definitely helped with the loneliness. Actually he usually got about seven at once since they needed to come through the Stargate but he'd decided to space out watching them so he'd have a new one every night.

And Rodney had been a little better about sending recordings ever since their video conference after the kidnapping three weeks ago.

John looked down at the cane and was proud that he'd managed to upgrade to this from the walker. But it hadn't been without hard work and a lot of pain. PT and massage were about the only therapies he still had, if you didn't count his sessions with Dr. Lambert every other day.

But he still spent from 9:00 to 2:30 at rehab, working on weights and the treadmill when he wasn't with Josh, Kristy or Tammy. Then he'd go home and spend a few hours in the pool, hot tub or even on the horses now that he'd gotten a bit more control over his legs.

He was so physically exhausted that he was still falling asleep around eight pm every night. He was wondering how he was going to get through this next week with Ronon, 'Mr. Late Night' and Rodney, 'The Insomniac King.'

At least Teyla would have the decency to fall asleep at a reasonable hour. And she knew that his late night habit had completely disappeared since being on Earth and doing rehab. Maybe she'd insist that he get enough sleep and even tuck him in each night. He could only hope.

Before he could worry anymore about it, he heard a booming voice behind him yell, "SHEPPARD!" and he barely had a second to react before a pair of arms as strong as steel wrapped around his torso and swung him around in a circle.

He landed unsteadily on his feet and would have fallen had it not been for Lisa's diligence in grabbing him and thrusting his fallen cane back in his hand. Once he steadied himself a huge smile grew on his face as he greeted his friend.

"Chewie!" and he grasped Ronon's arm for a bit of support.

"That's right, Conan, knock over the crippled man!" came the snarky voice of the other man he'd been expecting.

"Rodney!" John greeted eagerly and wrapped his arms around the man for a quick thump on the back.

Rodney self-consciously returned the thump then commented, "Hey, you're not in a wheelchair anymore."

"Can't get anything past you, can I, McKay?" John quipped and Rodney responded with a dry, "Ha ha."

Lisa made sure John was steady on his feet. "Are you all set, Colonel?"

"Yeah," John nodded then added, "Before you go, Lisa, I want you to meet the rest of my team. Ronon Dex and Dr. Rodney McKay. This is Lisa who's been an absolute Angel of Mercy."

They greeted each other then McKay said, "She'd have to be to put up with you."

John smirked and wished Lisa a great weekend. He looked around nervously. "How'd you get here and where's Teyla?"

Rodney jerked his thumb in the direction of the parking lot and said, "Your brother left us a car to use with a GPS for directions."

Ronon finished answering John's other question. "Teyla's back at the house with Beckett. They figured the car would be too full with all of us."

John breathed a sigh of relief that Teyla had made it then grinned, "Carson came, too. That's great!"

They started walking to where Rodney had parked the car and Ronon asked, "So now you're out of the wheelchair, you ready to come back?"

Rodney looked at John hobbling behind them with his cane and observed, "Does he _look_ like he's ready to come back and start chasing after the Wraith?"

"Well Armstrong mostly commands the troops from Atlantis. Sheppard could do that until he's completely well again."

They made it to the car and John leaned against it. "Thanks for the thought, Chewie, but The Air Force has certain requirements for active duty personnel. I'm afraid I'm nowhere near qualifying yet."

Ronon grunted and they got in the car and headed back to the house. Carson was out the door and near the car before John even put his foot on the driveway.

"Look at you, lad!" he exclaimed as he saw John take a few steps toward the house. "I can't believe you've made so much progress in such a wee bit of time."

He moved in and gave John a quick hug. John held on for just a second longer and confessed, "I just wanted to prove you and Keller wrong when you said it would take a year or more to recover."

They continued into the house and Carson conceded, "That you did, lad. Although it looks like you still have a wee bit further to go. But I don't imagine it will take you another seven months to get there."

John nodded and asked, "Where's Teyla?"

"She's in the kitchen helping that adorable woman, Josie," Carson replied.

John's face reflected horror and Carson chuckled, "I think she's only watching."

"Good!" John said and stopped in the doorway to the kitchen. Teyla was standing at the stove stirring something and he could see Josie moving around the dining room beyond.

It had been two long months since Teyla had been in this house with him. Two months since he'd invited her to look inside his heart to how he felt. And two months since they'd slept in each other's arms on the couch.

How should he greet her now? Take her in his arms and kiss the living daylights out of her? Greet her casually like the friend he'd been to her for so long?

He took in her slim fitting jeans and tank top that accentuated her curves and John wondered if she still had the same thoughts for him. Although she'd never actually said how she felt, just that her feelings mirrored his.

But maybe his absence over the past few months had made those feeling diminish. After all, everyone on base must know by now that Kanaan was out of the picture.

He knew there were more than a few Marines and even some of the medical and scientific staff who would jump at the chance to go out with her, woo her, romance her, or whatever else people called it these days. Maybe one of these people had gotten in line ahead of him. He'd never made her any promises and never asked her for any in return.

Feasting his eyes on her, he vowed that if she hadn't already moved on to someone else, he would let her know before she went back that he was interested in a relationship with her. He couldn't take the chance of losing her again, not when he knew he'd been too stupid before and she had gotten involved with Kanaan.

John took another wobbly step into the kitchen and Teyla looked up when she heard the noise. Her eyes lit up and her mouth curved into a huge smile. The stirring forgotten, she moved toward John and put her hands on his shoulders.

His left hand still clutching the cane, he moved his right hand to her shoulder and slid it right behind her neck into her hair as their foreheads touched.

"Hi Teyla," John whispered not really sure how to react.

"It has been far too long," she whispered back. Neither one of them moved for a few minutes, each absorbing the essence of the other.

Josie's moving through the kitchen into the hall broke them apart and John said, "I should go change out of these sweaty workout clothes."

Teyla took a quick glance around the empty kitchen and lifted one eyebrow seductively. "Do you require any assistance? I believe I have prior experience in providing that particular brand of service."

John's eyes grew wider and his breath more shallow as he took in the husky tone of her voice. He was pretty certain now that she hadn't taken up with anyone else. And as much as he was dying to take her up on her offer, he knew there were too many people around.

But he was thrilled by her little flirtation so he responded, "Awfully brazen, Teyla. Did you paint those toenails again before you came?"

Teyla moved closer and whispered, "They are bright pink."

John closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath that came out so shaky even Teyla got goose bumps. John wasn't sure how much longer he could stand on his overworked legs so he murmured back, "Can I take a rain check on that assistance?"

Teyla nodded and said, "I will be eagerly waiting for it to rain."

John squeezed her arm with his free hand then limped through a few rooms until he got to his. He grabbed jeans and a polo and threw them on the bed then sat down next to them with a sigh of relief. His body right now was crying for him to lie down and take a much needed rest but he wasn't sure how long he actually had his team with him and wanted to spend every moment he could with them.

He quickly changed and moved out to the den where Rodney had taken possession of the recliner, Carson and Ronon occupied one side of the sectional and Teyla sat on the other side.

John sat down near the middle section next to Teyla and threw out the question, "How'd you get here and when?"

"The Apollo's in orbit right now," Rodney informed him, "so Colonel Ellis graciously picked us up from the SGC and dropped us off here. And he sends his regards, by the way."

Carson continued, "Josie was kind enough to provide Rodney with the keys to a vehicle and he said he'd pick you up so your brother didn't have to send someone."

Teyla smiled, "Josie was also kind enough to show me how she makes the pasta dish she is preparing for tonight."

John grimaced. "You didn't actually help her, did you?"

The throw pillow John got in the face was answer enough and John heard Rodney declare, "Zing!" while Carson admonished, "John!" and Ronon warned, "She's gonna make you pay, Buddy. She brought her sticks with her."

John looked over at Teyla whose face was pinched but he noticed her eyes held laughter. He put the pillow between them then snuck his hand under it searching for hers. He found it and held tight while he made eye contact with her.

He was pretty sure the others had no clue where he and Teyla were potentially going and he didn't plan on telling them until he was sure himself. He asked another question to keep them from realizing where his hand was.

"So exactly how long did Woolsey give you all here?"

"Ten days," Rodney answered. "We go back to Stargate Command a week from Monday, early morning. However, I'm actually taking a little side trip. I'll be here this weekend then Monday when you'll be busy in rehab, I'll visit Jeannie. I'll be back Friday afternoon and have the whole next weekend here."

John looked around as Carson told a similar story. I'm going to visit me Mum for those few days. They're having the Highland Games next week in our town. I've actually been trying to talk Ronon into coming. He's such a strapping lad, I can see him hefting one of those cables and tossing it quite far. I could make a spot of money betting on someone like him."

Ronon just grumbled and scrutinized Sheppard and Teyla. Nothing had been said but he'd gotten vibes from Teyla that maybe she and John had started down the path toward more than good friends. Seeing the covert glances they kept throwing each other and the hands he was pretty sure were clasped together under the pillow, made him decide to allow them some time together, alone.

"I'm thinking I _will_ go with Beckett," Ronon announced. "Sounds like fun!"

"You guys are all deserting me!" John complained at Ronon's declaration.

Teyla squeezed John's hand under the pillow and assured him, "I will be here, John. I am not travelling any further than the rehabilitation center to this house.

John returned the squeeze then felt a twinge of panic run through him. He and Teyla here by themselves for almost a week. What if he did something wrong? But Teyla's thumb was caressing the back of his hand turning his insides to jelly and he realized he wanted everyone else gone _now_ so he could pull her down on this couch and show her what she meant to him.

Then he thought back to any other relationship he'd had that had started with sex and they'd all been a dismal failure. But he'd known Teyla, been the best of friends with Teyla, for over six years. That had to count for something. Nevertheless, he was going to take this slow and hopefully get it right this time.

He gazed around the room and felt better than he had in, oh about four and a half months. His team, his best friends, were here and it felt really good.

"So fill me in on everything that's been going on in Atlantis. Lorne's been pretty much banned from sending me any news that's worth anything."

"The Wraith are still fighting each other," Ronon said.

"Yes," Teyla agreed. "And this has allowed the Planetary Coalition to grow in strength and numbers. We now have over twenty-five worlds working together to combat the Wraith."

"Are you still spending a lot of the time with the Coalition?"

Teyla nodded, "We have Council Meeting several times a lunar cycle. There was one two days ago. In fact, your friend Larrin was asking about you."

Rodney snorted and Ronon chuckled.

"Who's Larrin?" Dave asked as he and Julia walked in the room. Introductions and greetings went around with hugs for Teyla. Dave grabbed a chair from John's room to sit but Teyla scooted closer to John to make room for her new friend.

"So who's this Larrin you were chuckling about?" Dave repeated.

"She is a representative for a group of people called The Travelers," Teyla said.

"A very _sexy_ representative who has the hots for the Colonel here," Rodney quipped.

John sneered, "You're welcome to her, McKay."

Ronon chuckled. "Except she keeps asking for _you,_ Sheppard. I've seen her a few times in the last four months and she thinks you're trying to avoid her."

John rolled his eyes and said, "She's probably just looking for a punching bag or else she needs someone for target practice."

"Sounds like a lovely girl," Dave commented. "How did you meet her?"

"She kidnapped Sheppard so she could use his ATA gene," Rodney provided.

"Didn't even ask please or anything," John snarled.

"What did she do to you?" Julia asked concerned.

"Had her men beat the crap out of me so I'd do what she wanted. She got in a few licks herself."

"Too many to fight back?" Dave concluded thinking of his brother's recent heroics.

John shrugged. "Kind of hard to do when you're on your knees with your hands tied behind your back."

"Do I even dare to ask how you got out of that one?" Dave questioned.

"John caused so much trouble, they let him go," Ronon chuckled.

Dave looked at John's face which was plastered with a mischievous grin. Dave sighed and shook his head. "I guess some things never change. You're just lucky _she_ didn't shove half a dozen tranquilizers down your throat."

Beckett's eyes grew wide. "Did that happen during your recent trouble?"

At John's reluctant nod, Carson whistled, "You're lucky to be alive, son. Even if it doesn't kill you, high doses can cause some real permanent problems."

"I'm _fine_," John assured the doctor. "So back to Atlantis, what else is happening? Any good gossip? Keller get sick of you, yet, McKay?"

"No," Rodney sniped. "As a matter of fact, she hasn't. We've been spending quite a bit of time together lately."

Carson tilted his head in John's direction. "Well without the Colonel on base as a potential patient, I imagine she has plenty of time for other things."

"Thanks, Carson," John responded sarcastically. "So what have _you_ been up to? Still bopping around the planets in Pegasus?"

Carson nodded. "I've set up clinics on about half a dozen worlds. I stay at each one for several days to a week and then move on. Word's gotten around and I've been quite busy."

John smiled genuinely. "You're the best doctor in two galaxies, I can imagine you would be."

"Thanks, John!" Carson returned.

Josie walked in and informed them dinner was ready. They moved into the dining room and John commented, "The dining room? "What's wrong with eating in the kitchen?"

Josie snapped a dish towel at him and reprimanded, "It's the first day your friends are here. I thought it would be a nice treat."

John just made a face at her and replied, "Fine."

Once seated with food dished up, Rodney halted everyone. ""Uh, friends," he looked around the room and continued, "I'm usually not real sappy about these things but … I just wanted to say that it's real nice for all of us to be together again. It's been a while."

"Too long!" Ronon agreed and Teyla joined in as well.

John's face grew solemn and he contributed, "Thanks guys, all of you, for coming all this way. It means a lot to me."

"Well we couldn't let you celebrate your fortieth birthday without us," Rodney insisted.

"How did you manage to convince Woolsey to let you all come at once?" John questioned.

Teyla tilted her head in confusion. "I am still unclear on that matter as well, John. Rodney was the one who made the arrangements. Personally I was surprised he was willing to allow me to come as I visited several months ago and he has already approved my visit for the upcoming wedding."

"You can come!" Julia cried happily. "I'm so glad. Will you bring T. J. with you?"

John's eyes settled on Teyla for the answer to that one as well.

Teyla smiled and answered, "Yes, although I may need to leave him here if John is not quite ready to come back." Teyla's voice was joking but there was a small grain of truth in what she said.

"You 'd just have to stay with him," John said seriously to Teyla then realized how serious things had gotten so he glanced at Rodney and asked, "So what'd you threaten Woolsey with to get him to let you come?"

"Threaten?" Rodney denied. "Why would I have to threaten Woolsey?"

Ronon just chuckled and added, "It was actually Armstrong who didn't want us to come. He thinks Teyla and I are a threat to National Security."

Rodney smirked, "I told him I'd do something to crash all the Ancient Systems if he didn't let us go."

Ronon piped in, "And I reminded Woolsey that Teyla and I don't really work _for_ them. He relies so much on her he'd do anything to keep her happy."

Teyla sighed at this admission. "Mr. Woolsey also wishes for John to recover quickly and return." She gazed at John and finished, "He often regrets you are not there to offer your expertise. Colonel Armstrong is a fine warrior, I am sure, however he does not possess the knowledge or experience that you do regarding the Pegasus Galaxy."

"Nice to know I'm missed."

Dinner continued with various conversations circling the table. John was filled in on more of the details of what had been going on in Atlantis and Julia shared more wedding details with Teyla.

When Rodney started paying more attention to Julia's conversation and actually asked her a few questions, John became suspicious.

"Why are you suddenly so interested in wedding details?"

"I'm not!" denied Rodney. "Not really. I mean maybe I have a _little_ interest."

At the confused looks he got from around the table he confided, "It's just that Jennifer and I have been seeing each other for almost two years now. I thought maybe … you know …. I mean, in time … the two of us might …"

"Spit it out, McKay!" Ronon growled at him.

"Get married," Rodney finally finished.

Teyla's eyes grew wide. "You plan on asking Jennifer to marry you?"

"Do you think she'll say no?" He asked alarmed. "You're her best friend. Has she ever talked to you about it?"

Teyla smiled warmly. "Rodney, I know Jennifer has deep feelings for you. I do not believe she would be opposed to the idea."

Rodney looked relived then John added, "Just get her a ring a little bigger than the one you got for Katie Brown, huh?"

Three sets of eyes zoomed in on Rodney but Carson spoke first. "You proposed to Katie Brown? You never told me that."

Rodney made a face. "Well you were … dead … at the time."

Julia and Dave appeared confused but before Dave could ask John just shook him off and said "Long story."

Rodney looked back at John and verified, "So I can't use the same ring?"

A chorus of groans echoed around the table, the loudest one being from Julia.

"Okay, okay, I'll get her a new one."

"Why don't you ask Jeannie to help you pick it out while you're visiting her," John suggested.

"That is an excellent idea, Rodney," Teyla seconded.

McKay grumbled but grudgingly agreed.

Dinner ended soon after and everyone retired to the den. Carson made small talk with Dave asking about the business. Rodney and Ronon bickered about whether Zalenka was seeing someone and Teyla and Julia continued wedding talk. John just took it all in while trying to ignore the sore muscles that continued to scream in protest at his constant abuse of them.

Finally Julia looked across Teyla and uttered softly, "You look like you could use some of your pills, John."

John tired to shake her off with, "I'm fine," but Teyla could see the strain on his face and chastised him.

"Do not be foolish, John. You will be much more comfortable if you take your medication. Besides, if you continue to appear uncomfortable, Carson may decide to do a complete examination looking for a cause."

"All right," John conceded. He looked at Julia. "Any way you could get them for me? You know where they are, right?" He wasn't sure he could get up without groaning a whole lot.

Julia nodded and returned a minute later and handed John a bottle of water and slipped the pills into his hand surreptitiously. John took a few sips of water and slipped the pills in without any of the others noticing.

He asked a few more questions about Radek and Lorne and tried to get the gossip on the 'Atlantis street' but once the medication started working it was all he could do to keep his eyes open.. Neither drug was supposed to put him out but coupled together and with the many hours of the extreme physical exertion he subjected his body to, it was usually the end result.

"Help me stay awake," he whispered to Teyla who smiled impishly and snuck her hand behind John to slide up under his shirt and stroke his back. That got his eyes open and a grin appeared on his face that matched the one both Teyla and Julia were wearing.

Teyla's hand on his skin worked for almost a half hour but by shortly after nine John's eyes closed of their own volition. Rodney was so engrossed in describing his latest discovery that it took him over ten minutes before he realized Sheppard had stopped listening to him.

"…it was kind of like that time on Bedrona, remember, John…" He gave a grunt of disgust when he finally noticed John's head was resting on the back of the couch and his eyes were closed.

"Oh, great, fall asleep right in the middle of my story. Nice friend you are."

"Rodney!" Teyla scolded. "He is still recovering from his injury."

Rodney made a skeptical face. "That was almost five months ago."

"Sheppard never falls asleep this early," Ronon added confused.

"Actually," Dave corrected, "this is pretty late for him. Since he's been here, he's usually asleep by eight."

"Has he not worked the toxin out of his system yet?" questioned Carson.

"It's not that," disclosed Dave. "It's just that he pushes himself to the brink of physical exhaustion every day. He works non-stop either in PT, the weights, treadmill or other things and then he comes home and spends a few more hours working out here. He's got no energy left to stay awake. The fact that you're all here is probably the only reason he even stayed awake this late."

They all stared at John for a few moments but he didn't stir.

"Should we try and move him into his room?" Teyla asked Dave.

Dave gave a half shrug and stood up to move closer to his brother. "He'd prefer to do it on his own, I'm sure. Why don't we see if we can wake him enough to do it?"

Teyla put her hands on John's shoulder and shook him gently. "John, John,"

Dave slapped at John's knee making him mumble a bit and roll his head to one side. Ronon, sitting on John's other side, started tickling his nose. John's hand reached up to swat it away and he finally cracked his eyes open and muttered some incoherent sounds.

"Time for bed, little brother," Dave urged.

John's groggy gaze fell on his friends and he apologized. "Sorry guys, just tired."

"Go to bed, Sheppard," Rodney instructed. "You're no fun when you're asleep."

"Come on, I got you," Ronon said as he and Dave helped John stand. Teyla handed him his cane as he insisted he could walk on his own. Ronon stood by him as he said good night then guided him to his room. He emerged a minute later stating, "He's out cold."

"It's amazing the progress he's made in such a short period of time," Carson observed.

"Short period," Rodney snorted. "It's been like four and a half months. It seems like forever."

"Maybe to you, Rodney because you miss him so much but in reality it's a very short amount of time to have gone from completely paralyzed to this."

"Miss him?" Rodney objected. "Who says I miss him? I'm finally getting some work done."

"You're full of bull, McKay," Ronon accused.

Teyla agreed. "We do not believe you, Rodney. You have missed him as we all have. It has been difficult since John has been away."

"Well there hasn't been anyone challenging enough to play chess with," Rodney admitted.

Julia laughed. "Maybe John should introduce him to Gertrude."

At McKay's confused look Dave explained, "An eighty year old John plays chess with at the center. And she beats him quite often."

Rodney gave a small chuckle then the group grew quiet for a short time, most of them thinking about how much John had gone through the last few months.

Teyla broke the silence as she stood and announced that she was also going to bed and moved to the room across the hall from John's where she had stayed during her previous visit.

Once she was gone, Rodney grinned as he looked at Dave and requested, "Okay, any dirt on Sheppard, high school year book, old girlfriends. Give!"

Dave snickered but complied and pulled John's high school and college yearbooks off a shelf and handed them out. Carson helped Ronon locate John in the college yearbook while Rodney checked out the high school one.

"Class daredevil?" Rodney reported as he checked out the page of superlatives listed. "He wasn't the Class Lothario?"

Dave looked surprised at this suggestion. "No, don't get me wrong, the girls all flocked to him but he was pretty oblivious to them. He dated occasionally but he was no heartbreaker."

McKay's comment was simply, "Hmmm?"

"Has he been like that recently?" Dave asked puzzled, knowing his brother had feelings for Teyla that seemed to have been around for a while.

"No, he hasn't," Carson began. "Rodney just has this strange idea that John's always on the hunt for women."

"McKay's just jealous 'cause women throw themselves at John and not him," Ronon suggested.

Rodney rolled his eyes and went back to looking at the yearbook. His eyes flew up when he heard Carson and Ronon roar with laughter.

"What?" Rodney demanded.

"John's college graduation picture." Carson pointed out and Ronon finished his thought, "He's got no hair!"

Dave smirked and replied, "Yeah, the Air Force made him keep the buzz cut until he got out of flight school."

Rodney grabbed the book and doubled over when he saw the picture. "I guess that's one way to get rid of the cowlicks."

"I think John was hoping they wouldn't grow back. No such luck."

Julia got up and took a quick peek at the yearbook and commented, "I think he looks handsome."

"Hey!" Dave growled jealously then Julia announced she was heading to bed, too.

The men stayed up for awhile longer looking through John's yearbooks and sharing some of the antics he'd done when he was younger. Carson finally broke up the party saying he was ready to retire as well.

Dave locked up and shutoff all the lights as he walked the others upstairs to the rooms they were staying in. Dave slid quietly into his room so as not to wake Julia; glad that John's friends had been able to make it. He knew John's birthday the next day would be so much better for it.

.

.

xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox

.

John rinsed the leftover shaving cream from his face and moved the hand towel over his freshly showered head to remove some of the water still dripping from it. He adjusted the other towel more securely around his waist and moved toward the bathroom door that he'd left ajar.

He pushed it all the way open and lifted his cane to take a step when Teyla appeared in front of him, surprised.

"Oh, I did not realize anyone was in here. The door was open."

"I opened it after my shower to let some of the steam out," John explained.

"I see," Teyla replied then remembered, "Happy Birthday, John!"

"Thanks!" John answered self-consciously; very aware he was standing here in only a towel. He then noticed Teyla was wearing his favorite pair of pajamas again. It was _definitely_ his birthday!

He nodded toward her and asked, "Is this my present?"

He reached for the bow holding it closed and said, "Do I get to unwrap it right now?"

Teyla took in John's damp, bare chest and a surge of desire shot through her. Her breathing got heavy as she answered, "If you wish."

John's eyes grew intense as he pulled on the cord and it came free. Teyla's chest heaved as John slowly unwrapped the front of her top. His breathing was more than a little affected as well, as a glimpse of a golden globe started to appear.

"It's the birthday boy!" boomed the voice of Rodney from the den and John's eyes shot up in panic at what he'd seen.

Teyla quickly closed her top and moved past John into the bathroom and shut the door. John took a calming breath when he realized Rodney was all the way across the room, almost in the kitchen. There was no way he could have seen or heard what had just transpired.

_Not that much had_, John thought sourly. He should have grabbed Teyla, pulled her into the bathroom and locked the door. He wondered what Rodney would have thought of that.

"You're up early, McKay," John observed.

Rodney moved closer to his friend and said, "I slept great last night! Must be the country air. Did you just get up?"

"I've been up for a while. It happens when you fall asleep so early. I just got out of the shower."

Rodney looked behind John at the bathroom door. "Teyla been up, too?"

John shook his head. "I think she just got up a minute ago when I was heading out of the shower. Let me throw some clothes on and I'll make you some coffee."

At this, Rodney moved back into the den and John limped into his room.

Ten minutes later they were both sitting outside on the patio, coffee in hand, watching as the sun rose to touch the morning sky.

"I could have made the coffee while you got dressed," Rodney told John.

"I've tasted your coffee, McKay," John snorted, "Thanks, but no thanks."

"What are you talking about?" Rodney whined defensively. "My coffee's not that bad."

"If you like crude oil," John bantered back.

Rodney started to sputter but Teyla took that moment to join them outside.

"I must admit, Rodney, your coffee is not pleasing to the palate."

Rodney humphed as John feasted his eyes on Teyla. The day was already warm so Teyla had donned a slim fitting pair of capris and a loose flowing tank top.

"There are tea bags inside, Teyla, if you'd prefer that," John said as he noted the mug she carried outside.

"I _did _make myself a cup of tea," Teyla informed him as she sat down at the table with both men. "Thank you, John. I remembered where David kept them from my previous visit."

The three of them sat silently for a while until Ronon, Carson, David and Julia joined them and all wished John a happy birthday.

"So what are we doing today?" Ronon questioned.

John shrugged. "What do you guys feel like doing? Did you have any ideas of what you wanted to do when you got here?"

"We came to keep you company on your birthday," Rodney said. "I've never been here before so I don't really know what there is to do."

"It doesn't really matter _what_ we do, John," Carson interceded. "The point is we came to spend time with _you_."

Dave jumped in with some thoughts. "It's supposed to be pretty hot later in the day so I'd suggest a swim in the pool then."

Dave knew John got very uncomfortable and stiff if he didn't use his muscles during the weekend, but he figured he'd never tell any of his friends that.

"You can always ride the horses," Dave continued, "or go into town and see the sights."

"It's _your_ birthday, John," Julia reminded him. "What would _you_ like to do?"

John looked around at the group and said, "I'd really love to take you down to Jake's Tavern for a steak and maybe a little pool or darts."

Dave chuckled and Julia cringed while the others looked puzzled.

"It's a little Bar and Grill between here and town," Dave told them. "I haven't been there in years. The clientele can be a little seedy at times."

"Sounds like fun!" Ronon remarked. "I'm up for it."

Carson and Rodney shrugged and nodded.

"Why don't we go there tonight for dinner," John suggested. "Dave, you and Julia have that catering appointment, right? So you don't have to come."

"We still want to celebrate your birthday with you, John," Julia pressed. "But we can do it at lunchtime. I made a cake and everything."

John smiled back at her and said, "That'd be great, Julia and thank you."

"And the pool this afternoon in the heat sounds great," Carson sighed.

"I'll definitely need my sun block, though," Rodney whimpered. "You know how much I burn."

John grinned. "Anyone up for the horses this morning after breakfast then?"

"I took a few horseback riding lessons when I was a kid," Rodney mused. "I don't think those animals ever really liked me."

"We have several very gentle horses we could put you on," Dave suggested. "I'm sure you'll be fine."

John looked around and Carson and Ronon seemed okay with the idea. Teyla was somewhat reticent.

"I am not sure about being up on this creature by myself," Teyla wavered.

Julia had an idea. "We have this extra large saddle you could use and you could ride on the same horse as John."

John nodded and Teyla said she would think about it.

Rodney cleared his throat and said, "I don't mean to whine or complain …"

"But you do anyway," John interrupted.

Rodney continued as if John hadn't spoken. "But all I've had is coffee so far today and I need to get some real food inside me before I go into a hypoglycemic reaction."

John pursed his lips and said, "Nobody's had anything other than coffee today, Rodney. It's barely eight o'clock on Saturday morning."

"But we can fix that right now," Julia stated. "Eggs, bacon, pancakes, French toast?"

"Yes!" Rodney answered to all of the above and Julia giggled.

"I can assist you, Julia," Teyla volunteered and John's eyes grew wide with terror.

Teyla's hand lightly slapped the side of John's head as she passed him on her way in. He knew he needed to stop acting this way every time Teyla attempted to cook or he wouldn't be unwrapping any presents from her, _ever_.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

.

"Are you sure this is one of the gentle horses?" Rodney asked panicked as they moved through the wooded path.

"We used Mirabella for Torren when he was here a few months ago," Julia assured him. "She's very gentle and needs very little direction. She'll just follow what the other horses do."

"If you're sure," Rodney squeaked holding the reins up with both hands.

"You look pretty comfortable there, Doc," Dave commented as Carson trotted up behind Rodney.

"When I was growing up my neighbors had horses. We'd go ride them every now and then. Of course, it's been quite some time since I've been on one. It's surprising how much comes back, though."

"Doesn't seem too hard," Ronon remarked. "But what's the use of using these creatures if we could walk faster than they move?"

"Oh, they can go faster," John smirked as he maneuvered his horse past Rodney then Ronon and finally Julia who was in the lead.

Teyla looked worried at John's tone of voice as well as his new position in line. She was sitting on an enormous horse they'd called Daredevil on a saddle that was oversized. According to Julia it was an English saddle but Teyla noticed only that it did not have the round knob in front that Rodney now had a death grip on.

She had nothing really to hold onto except the neck of the animal they were on or John's legs which were tucked right up behind hers. She and John were sharing this saddle but he had assured her he and Dave had ridden on it together all the time when they were little kids.

She didn't mind the proximity or John's firm body pressed up against her back and she really didn't mind the arm that John had wrapped around her middle to keep her in place. But she did mind how far she was from the ground on a creature she had no control over. She had to trust John. But the mischief in his voice at his last words made her nervous.

John put his head down right next to her ear and whispered, "Hold on, Teyla," then announced, "See you all at the lake." Then he dug his heels into the side of the horse spurring it into a gallop.

Ronon scowled and said, "I want to go fast like that. What do I do to make this thing move quicker?"

Julia laughed. "I don't recommend bringing your horse to a full gallop unless you've done it before and know how to stop."

Dave interceded, "John's not one for moving slow. Julia, why don't I take Ronon, and Carson if he likes, into a canter and you and Rodney can follow us at your own pace."

Rodney looked up terrified that his horse might start running like Sheppard's had done. "Whoa! Nice horsey. You don't want to go fast today, do you? No, no, no, no, you just want to walk at a leisurely pace on this sunny, warm day."

Julia moved her horse closer to Rodney's and grabbed hold of the reins. She glared at David and instructed, "Fine! Go trot off with your friends. We'll be there, _eventually_."

"You up for this, Doc, or do you want to hang back with Julia and Dr. McKay?"

"Oh, I'm definitely up for it! Rodney, we'll see you in a bit."

Dave gave them a few simple instructions on controlling the horse and how to get it to move a bit faster and stop then they took off.

Once they'd gone, Julia handed the reins back over to Rodney. As they started moving again Rodney took his concentration away from the horse long enough to ask Julia, "So, really, how's Sheppard …uh John been doing? It's pretty tough watching him struggle to walk. I'm not used to seeing him that way."

Julia smiled at the concern of John's friend. "I never met John until after he was injured so I have no basis of comparison like you do. John was in a wheelchair, barely talking when I first saw him. And to say that he's made vast improvements is an understatement. The staff at the rehab center have been flabbergasted by how far he's come in such a short period of time but his injury is also different than most. It seems his muscles just need to be reintroduced to the movement they're supposed to make. So I guess the harder he works, the quicker his muscles recover."

"And he's been working very hard, I take it," Rodney confirmed.

Julia nodded. "David's actually a little concerned that John's overdoing it too much. He comes home and he's almost in agony sometimes because he's pushed himself too hard. He's been taking a lot of painkillers and muscles relaxants to help him through."

"Really?" Rodney questioned, surprised. "He hated taking anything Jennifer or Carson wanted to give him. If he really needed it, they'd usually stick him in the infirmary and attach an IV."

"I don't think he_ likes _taking them," Julia clarified. "And he'll put them off as long as possible but he can't always hide the pain so David and I have been vigilant in keeping an eye out for him."

Rodney's gaze was sad. "I'm glad he has you both to watch out for him. I don't even want to think about what would have happened to him if he'd just gone to the VA hospital and had no emotional support." He took a deep breath. "Those cuts on his wrists might have been a little deeper."

Julia stopped her horse and Mirabella stopped, too. She reached across for Rodney's hand and squeezed. "David and I will do everything we can to get John completely well again. I haven't even known him four months but I already love him like a brother. I'd do anything for him."

Rodney nodded with a sad smile. "John has that effect on people. The thing is, he'd do anything for any one of us, too."

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

Teyla let out a tiny squawk when the horse first took off but John had a firm grip on her and she started to relax a bit and enjoy the wind whipping past her face. She started to understand why John enjoyed riding these creatures, it was rather thrilling.

She leaned into John and enjoyed the close contact of his chest to her back and his arm securely around her waist. Teyla estimated it to be about ten minutes later when she felt the horse slow down. They'd come out of the woods to a gentle slope and she saw a crystal clear lake ahead of them.

John led the horse right up to the edge of the water and stopped. Teyla looked at the scene and exhaled. "Is this our destination? It is beautiful!"

Teyla felt John's arm pull her back against him and his breath move several of the hairs that had escaped from her ponytail.

"Beautiful!" John repeated and Teyla twisted sideways to glance at him. When she did, her loose top slid up slightly so John's hand, which had been around her waist over her shirt, was now under it, against her skin.

The contact was so unexpected and electric that Teyla sucked in a deep breath and leaned her head back to rest against John's shoulder. She heard John's breathing deepen and felt his chest rise and fall.

Teyla thought she might explode when she saw John's head lower and felt his lips on the side of her neck. At the same time the fingers on his hand, the one resting against her bare abdomen, began to move in a gentle caress.

A soft moan escaped her lips and a softly uttered, "Teyla," escaped from his.

His lips continued their exploration from her earlobe to the nape of her neck. John chuckled quietly when he reached a spot on the back of her neck that made her tremble and brought goose bumps to her arms.

"I'll have to remember that location," he whispered as he explored it again this time with his tongue. Teyla's head dropped forward to allow him better access and her hands dug into John's thighs as the desire coursed through her. She wanted to turn around and see him but didn't want to stop his ministrations on her neck.

His one hand continued to move across the skin of her ribs while his other hand moved up to caress her arm slowly from wrist to shoulder. Teyla wasn't sure how much more of this she could take, the sensations were so strong.

"I never got to unwrap my birthday present this morning," John sighed into her ear. "You wanna tell me what was in it?"

Teyla managed a chuckle. "I believe that would spoil the surprise."

"Perhaps," he said as his lips and tongue blazed a path down the side of her neck again and his hand dipped down to infiltrate the waist band of her low cut bottoms. Another moan escaped and her stomach contracted allowing John's fingers to continue their descent.

Teyla was almost afraid to breathe when she heard the sound of several sets of horse hooves coming down the hill behind them.

"Damn!" she heard John swear as he straightened in his seat taking hold of the reins again. He turned the horse to face the newcomers. Both of them were breathing hard, attempting to get their desire under control.

"I guess these animals are pretty useful if you actually let them run," Ronon said as his horse came to a stop in front of them.

John's response was simply, "Mmm."

Dave trotted up behind Ronon with Carson at his side.

"We thought we'd take a little break here before heading back," Dave said, dismounted and led his horse over to the grassy area near the lake.

Carson and Ronon got down as well and John called Ronon over. "Give Teyla a hand down, huh?"

The big man reached up as Teyla swung her leg over the front. She leaned toward Ronon and allowed him to safely lower to the ground. John moved his horse near the others and found Teyla waiting for him when he slid off. He slipped his arm around her and allowed her to assist him in moving to a stand of trees.

He lowered himself to the ground and leaned against a tree with his legs crossed. Teyla and Carson had removed their shoes and started wading in the shallow water. Ronon had walked further around the lake exploring the area and Dave was checking on the horses.

It was almost twenty minutes later before Julia and Rodney made an appearance.

"Oh, I didn't think we'd ever make it here," Rodney groaned as he slid clumsily off the horse and limped to stand in the shade near John.

"I may never be able to sit again," he whined as he wondered how John was sitting after the ride. He then realized John had done a _lot_ of sitting lately since standing for too long put a ton of strain on his leg muscles. Rodney started walking around under another stand of trees to loosen up his sore legs and backside and to keep himself out of the sun.

Ronon made his way back and sat down next to John.

"You okay, Sheppard?"

"I'm good," John assured him then looked around at all his 'family' nearby and nodded firmly, "I'm _really_ good!"

"Sorry we haven't had a chance to come see you before this. Armstrong's been a real pain whenever anyone mentions you."

John's face showed surprise. "What'd I do to him?"

Ronon shook his head. "Everyone on Atlantis is used to the way _you_ do things. Armstrong's command is quite a bit different and in his elevated opinion, better."

John's eyes narrowed. "You don't agree?"

"He's got some good strategic plans but they're not suited for dealing with the Wraith," Ronon explained. "And he won't take advice from anyone. Even Lorne is fed up with him, though he'd never show it and he's a pretty patient guy."

Rodney strolled past and butted in, "Armstrong likes to insinuate that you won't be back. That the men better get used to his way of doing things."

John looked extremely worried. "He said that? That I won't be back?"

"Nah, he's just blowing steam," Ronon grunted and Rodney concurred.

"He's never actually come right out and said those words but he's hinted at it on more than one occasion. I don't think you need to worry too much. I think Woolsey really wants you back."

"But Woolsey may not have much of a say," John pointed out. "And they probably told Armstrong that he'd be there for about a year. That was Keller and Beckett's original prognosis."

Rodney just made a face and said, "Don't worry about it. You'll be back," as he walked away to another cluster of trees providing shade.

John did worry, though. He knew he was making rapid improvements but he was still nowhere near Air Force standards. And if the Air Force was expecting him to be out for a year and had told Armstrong a year, would they make him wait a whole year before they allowed him to go back? Let Armstrong fulfill his yearlong obligation?

And what would _he_ do? He figured it would be more than a few months before he was hopefully back in form. Would he have to do something here on Earth for a while before he was allowed to go back to Pegasus? Could he even go back to Pegasus? The old fear of being replaced sliced through his gut again.

He looked at Ronon, eyes fearful then glanced at Rodney, Carson and then settled his gaze on Teyla. The thought of not being able to go back and see Teyla and T.J. and all his friends got him panicky.

Ronon sensed where his thoughts were going and redirected him. "So what's up with you and Teyla?"

John tore his eyes away from her and looked guiltily at Ronon. "What do you mean?" he denied. "Nothing's up."

"Really?" Ronon grinned and chuckled. "So _your_ lips on Teyla's _neck _when we rode up …?"

"You _saw_ that?" John asked as his eyes bounced around the area and people scattered about.

"I did," Ronon answered. "But I was up front. Although your brother was right beside me. He might have seen, too."

John shook his head. "I'm not worried about Dave."

Ronon looked over at the older of the Sheppard brothers, who was walking along the shore of the lake holding hands with his fiancée.

"How _are _things with Dave?" Ronon asked. "Still complicated?"

John gave a shaky laugh and his eyes went up. "Things with Dave are always complicated. But," John paused here thoughtfully, "Lately things between us have been really good. It's nice. Almost like when we were kids."

"Good!" was all Ronon uttered in reply. "So what about Teyla?" the big man repeated.

John closed his eyes and when he opened them his gaze went straight to the subject of their conversation. "Okay, now _that's_ complicated."

"Why?" Ronon asked bluntly. "She's got nothing going with Kanaan anymore. You're free to move in."

"I'd like to think I have a little more finesse than that." John groaned. "But the truth is I'm not very good at this whole romance/relationship thing. I never really was. It's why I'm not married anymore."

Ronon snarled, "Teyla doesn't really care about hearts and flowers. What she needs is someone willing to stand by her and let her be who she is. She needs a man who'll do anything for her."

John's mouth twitched and his eyes grew solemn. "I'd give my life for Teyla if I had to."

"Exactly!" Ronon said succinctly.

John's eyes met his friends and he said, "Point taken. But you know I'd do the same for you, right?"

Ronon chuckled. "Yeah, I do. Just don't be thinking you have to go kissing my neck though, huh?"

John just nodded with a big smile and his eyes once more found themselves glued to Teyla's form. A second later she looked over and when she saw John's intense gaze trained on her, she threw back a coy smile.

Ronon just rolled his eyes, shook his head and gave an inward chuckle hoping his two friends would finally get their act together.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo


	14. Chapter 14

xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

.

"I thought your brother said this place was a dive?" Ronon reminded John. "What's wrong with it?"

John chuckled and looked around Jake's. It was very rustic with two large sections. One side was a dining room/bar and through a large archway was a game room with a foosball table, two pool tables, a few card tables, some dart boards, and a scattering of high tables and chairs for drinks and snacks. It was all very clean and tidy … just rustic.

"Julia and Dave's taste run more toward the country club atmosphere. This place would be slumming it for them."

"Then it's a good thing they had that appointment tonight," Rodney said.

Dave and Julia had left shortly before the rest of the group to meet with the caterers to sample food and to plan the menu for the wedding. Julia had felt bad about not being with John for his birthday dinner but Dave reminded her that they'd been together all day.

They had grilled some chicken and had a half dozen side dishes as well as the birthday cake Julia had made. There had been a few token gifts to open but John knew his biggest present was sitting in the chairs surrounding the table. He had thanked everyone a few more times for being there with him.

The warmth of the day drove them all into the pool for a while then John self-consciously announced that if he was going to make it past nine tonight, he'd need to take an afternoon rest.

Now he was sitting at a table with his team, plus Carson, enjoying a steak and a beer. If he tried hard enough he could imagine that none of the last few months had happened. After all, he was finally out of the wheelchair and his cane was hanging on the back of his chair, out of sight. This place wasn't that different from some of the establishments they'd been to on a few of the Pegasus worlds. Only here they didn't have to be concerned about being culled by the Wraith.

"The food is quite good," Teyla commented, "and the atmosphere pleasant."

"Yup," John replied. "One of the reasons I wanted to come here."

He pulled out his wallet and picked up the bill the waitress had left on the table.

"What are you doing, John?" Carson objected. "It's _your_ birthday! You can't be paying for the meals."

John chuckled. "So who's going to pay? You? How much American cash do you make doctoring people in the Pegasus Galaxy?"

Carson had the grace to blush.

"Ronon and Teyla?" John questioned again. "Pretty sure they don't have any money. So that leaves …"

Everyone at the table looked over to Rodney who was scraping the last of his dessert from the plate in front of him. He looked up as he pulled the spoon out of his mouth and saw the others staring at him.

"What?" he said and wiped a drip of chocolate from the side of his face.

"Nothing," John said sarcastically and started pulling bills out of his wallet.

"Rodney!" Teyla admonished. "John is paying the bill for everyone's dinner."

"Oh!" Rodney shouted and pointed to the small strip of paper in John's hand. "Make sure they didn't charge me for that first soda. The whole thing was nothing but ice and I told the waitress that, too."

John's eyes narrowed. "Yeah, I'm really gonna worry about that, McKay."

"Rodney!" Carson snapped. "I just pointed out that John shouldn't be paying the tab for his own birthday dinner."

"Oh, right," Rodney said, only slightly chagrined. "Yeah, I um … can throw in something."

He pulled a ten dollar bill out and put it in the middle of the table. John just rolled his eyes, shook his head and finished counting out the bills in his hand.

"Don't worry about it, McKay."

When Carson seemed ready to object again, John raised his hand and assuaged them.

"Listen_**, I**_ wanted to come here tonight. And I'm just happy to have you all here with me. That's the best birthday present I could ever have hoped for. So … I don't mind paying."

"See!" Rodney said smugly and reached to grab the bill he'd just put down. "He doesn't mind paying."

As Rodney's hand touched the money, Ronon's hand covered his, lifted it and snatched the currency with the other hand. As McKay sputtered, Ronon tossed the bill to John who added it to the pile he handed to the waitress.

She thanked him with a huge smile and asked if there was anything else she could do for him.

"Actually," John said, "We're heading into the other room. You could bring us another round of drinks."

She looked slightly disappointed but said she'd have them ready in a few minutes.

"I think she was looking for a different answer, laddie," Carson told John chuckling.

John gave a wry smile as he finished off the beer in front of him and pushed his chair out to stand. "Too bad."

He grabbed his cane and hobbled with the others to the game room and settled in some chairs near the wall. As promised, the waitress came back with a tray of beer and deposited them on a nearby table.

She sidled up to John and asked, "You want to pay as you go or run a tab and you can _pay me later_?"

The look she gave John as well as the tone of her voice as she said the last three words was laced with so much innuendo Rodney almost choked on the sip of beer he'd just taken.

"We'll pay as we go. Rodney, you can get the first round."

Rodney sputtered again. "I thought you said you were paying?"

John scrunched up his face and criticized, "I paid for my own birthday dinner. The least you could do is get the first round."

"All right," Rodney agreed petulantly. He looked at the waitress and asked, "How much?"

She kept her eyes on John and cocked her head. "It's your birthday today?"

At John's nod she answered, "Then we'll give you one on the house." She gave a price for the rest to Rodney who counted out the exact amount. John sighed and limped closer to his friend, grabbed a few more ones and threw them on the woman's tray.

Her smile grew large again as she said, "Thanks." She looked down at the cane in John's hand and inquired, "Recent injury?"

At John's casual nod she moved closer and asked what happened.

"Battle wound," Ronon grunted and the woman's eyes lit up. "Military?"

"Air Force," John nodded off handed and attempted to step back but the woman stayed close and questioned, "What kind of aircraft have you flown?"

"Pretty much everything." John's polite smile was starting to fade.

The waitress took the bills off the tray and tucked them in the short apron she had tied around her hips which was about the same length as the skirt she was wearing.

She leaned forward as she took her hands out and cooed, "If you're ever looking for something new to _fly,_ just let me know."

John's mouth dropped open at this blatant come on but the next words spoken were not his.

"I am afraid his injury has left him _grounded _for a while," Teyla disclosed as she slid her hand around John's arm and leaned into him.

The disappointment reappeared in the woman's eyes but she simply nodded and offered, "When you need another round, let me know."

As she left, John let out a sigh and said, "Thanks, Teyla."

"Thanks!" Rodney spat incredulously. "That girl was seriously hot! And she was … you know … after you. Why would you thank Teyla for butting in?"

John just shook his head. "I'm here with _friends_ tonight, Rodney. And just a guess but I'll bet she's offered a lot of guys the opportunity _to fly_."

"Well, maybe," Rodney conceded. "But still …"

John let out another audible sigh and moved toward the closest dartboard. "Okay, who wants a go?"

Ronon joined him and they spent the next half hour trading off with Carson against Rodney who were both equally bad at darts. Teyla tried her hand a few times but mostly was content sitting on the high stool nearby watching.

After the waitress had dropped off another round a bit later, John ambled over behind Teyla to lean against her stool. Rodney and Carson were asking Ronon for pointers on how to get the dart to actually hit the target.

"Would you like to sit, John?" Teyla asked concerned as she made to get up. John put his hands on her shoulders and kept her in place.

"Nah, I'm fine really."

Teyla tilted her head sideways and lifted one eyebrow. "Yes, our waitress seems to have this opinion, also."

A grin appeared on John's face as he leaned in and whispered, "Are you jealous?"

Teyla leaned back against John and moved her head slightly, "Would it please you if I were?"

John chuckled softly and felt Teyla shudder a bit as his breath warmed her neck. "It might."

Teyla tilted her head again in John's direction. "Fortunately I am not prone to that emotion very often."

John felt a little disheartened at this until she added, "However, if that woman attempts to stick her ample bosom in your face one more time I am afraid I may attain the urge to inflict harm with your walking stick."

John smiled, saw that the others were thoroughly occupied with whose dart went further and moved his nose right into the softness of Teyla's hair. His hands molded themselves to Teyla's sides in the small space between her slim fitting tank top and her short denim skirt.

He inhaled her unique scent and snickered, "No, not jealous at all."

Teyla leaned back against him and John was tempted to explore the curve of her neck as he had this morning. Teyla briefly closed her eyes and the temptation grew. But the argument erupting between Carson and Rodney put a damper on his longing.

He clapped his hands and pulled Teyla off the stool as he said boisterously, "Come on, let's play some pool."

Teyla let her lead him to the now unoccupied pool table in the corner. The other three grabbed their drinks and meandered behind.

John spent the next fifteen minutes explaining the rules to the others.

"I'm not gonna be any good at this," Rodney whined."

"What are you talking about, McKay?" John shot back. "It's all math; geometry, angles, trajectory. You're pretty good at math."

"Ha ha!" Rodney sniped. "I can figure out exactly where to hit the ball to make it go in but that doesn't mean I can actually make the ball go where I want it to."

Ronon picked up the game pretty quickly but Teyla needed a bit more tutoring. John was more than happy to stand behind her, his arms around her under the guise of showing her the best way to hold the pool stick to shoot.

Teyla was usually pretty straight forward but John now wondered if her lack of skill had more to do with wanting additional assistance. As he put his hands again on her back to position her, he felt a small shiver run through her and he began to think his touch was actually _distracting _her and keeping her from focusing on what she was doing. This was confirmed when he moved a few steps back and she was much more successful.

They decided to team Teyla and John against Ronon and Carson so each team had a weaker and stronger player. Rodney was sulking and stated he would just watch.

They played several games and each team won a few. They had just racked up the balls and John had broken, when a small commotion worked its way into the room. John paused in what he was doing to look at the new arrivals.

A little over a half a dozen men were standing in the archway glaring at them. Most of them were a similar size to Ronan with long, unkempt hair and lots of black leather.

John lowered his eyes and took his next shot. The ball went exactly where he wanted it to so he looked at the table figuring out his next move.

Unfortunately as he limped around the table the 'Gruesome Gang' decided to join them.

"This is our pool table!" one of them claimed and John figured he was the leader of this merry band of misfits. He was shorter than John but probably outweighed him by more than fifty pounds.

Rodney, who'd had a few more drinks than he was used to, addressed the man. "Really? 'Cause I don't remember seeing your name on it."

The leader's eyes narrowed as he said, "You don't need to remember it there, just know that when we come in, the table is ours."

Rodney remained quiet but John repeated, "The table is yours," then added, "as soon as we're done."

John took another shot and grinned as the ball dropped into the correct pocket. He took his cane and walked around to the other side for his next move.

The fat man's face grew thunderous as he stepped closer to John. "Listen, gimpy, maybe you don't know who I am?"

"I don't really care who you are," he told the man casually. "You can have the table right after this game. It's a tiebreaker. You'll just have to wait."

"Who's gonna make me?" the man snickered, "You?"

John seemed to consider that for a moment then answered, "Yeah, me," he then looked behind him at Ronon and added, "and him. Oh, and probably her," he continued looking toward Teyla. He didn't bother pointing out Carson or Rodney because he knew he'd lose all credibility.

The fat man looked at Ronon and took in a deep breath for a moment but when his eyes settled on Teyla they got a malicious gleam in them.

"If I have to wait for my table then I'll need something to occupy my time."

He stood in front of Teyla and ran a grubby hand down her bare arm.

"Boys," he addressed the band of filth behind him, "Do you think we could occupy our time with _this_?"

John literally felt his blood boil when he saw the piece of dirt actually touch Teyla. Teyla took a step away but found herself with two more men on either side of her. Each of them put out a hand to grab her arms and pull her close. Teyla tried to pull away.

"Get your hands _off_ her, now!" John demanded angrily and moved towards Teyla. Ronon also was heading in that direction but had two ruffians block his way.

The leader put his hand up to Teyla's cheek and stroked it. "You want the table. We want _her._"

His hand started lowering to Teyla's neck and continued down as he promised, "And believe me, my hands will definitely be _on_ her."

John reached out as the leader's hand started skimming Teyla's chest and he pulled it away threatening, "Not if they're broken they won't."

And John slammed his fist into the fat, little face causing the man to stagger back. Teyla took the momentary distraction to rip herself from the grip of the two men and dig her elbow into the mid-section of one while kneeing the other in the groin.

John lunged toward the fat man before he could get his balance and smashed his hand down on the edge of the pool table, fulfilling _his_ promise.

Ronon now joined the ruckus by taking on the two who had blocked his path. John was just pushing the howling man out of the way when he felt someone grab him from behind and bash his head down on the table.

Totally disoriented, he felt himself lifted off the table only to have a fist fly into his gut then another to the face. He stumbled back and lost his footing, grabbing the edge of the pool table to keep himself from going all the way down.

Two of the goons were teaming up on him and he debated which one he should go after first. The decision was made for him when a pool stick crashed over the head of the one on the left. The man fell down dazed and John saw Rodney holding what was left of the stick.

John pulled himself up and swung his fist in the direction of the behemoth on his right. He scored a hit but unfortunately didn't do much more than piss the guy off. The thug's returning hand connected with John's jaw sending him sprawling over the pool table. A second later he felt large hands wrap themselves around his neck.

Ronon and Teyla were still battling several of the goons while Rodney was simply swinging the broken pool stick in every direction to keep them away. Carson, seeing John's predicament, attempted to pry the big man's hands off John's throat.

As John's vision started to get cloudy, he heard what sounded like a whistle. The hands on his neck loosened enough for John to grab a ball from the table and throw it at the head of his attacker. The giant staggered back and John used the momentum of his throw to launch himself at the man and deliver a few more well-aimed blows.

The man fell to his knees and John heard the whistle again. As he turned to see what it was, he felt his arms being grabbed from behind. He started to struggle but then felt cold metal on his wrists and heard the click of handcuffs locking.

He stopped struggling and looked around. Teyla was breathing heavy and much of her hair had come out of its ponytail. Ronon, on the other hand, hadn't broken a sweat, although, he too, sported handcuffs.

A dozen uniformed cops surrounded them and had restrained Fat Boy and his band of mischief makers as well.

"Hey, this wasn't our fault!" John shouted above the ruckus at the cop holding his elbow."

"Yeah, yeah, you'll get a chance to tell your side of the story at the station," the cop replied.

All involved were ushered outside and herded into half a dozen police cars, John limping and stumbling most of the way. John chuckled when he saw that Carson and Rodney were cuffed but Teyla was not. If only they knew the absurdity of _that._

John was put in the back with Carson on one side and Teyla on his other.

"You okay?" he asked as he leaned toward Teyla. He wanted to touch her, comfort her but his damn hands were behind his back.

"I am fine," Teyla assured him. "But you are not. Your nose is bleeding and your lip is swollen."

"It's nothing," John promised but now felt the blood that she mentioned.

He attempted to wipe it off but with his hands in cuffs could only manage to wipe in on his shoulder.

"You need to pinch the end of your nose," Carson instructed and John just rolled his eyes and rattled his hand cuffs.

Teyla reached up and did it for him. John tried to object but Teyla merely pushed him back against the seat and told him to relax for a minute. John surprisingly did as he was told then looked over at Carson.

"Hey, thanks for coming to my recue."

Carson nodded and admitted, "But I didn't do a very good job, did I? That man was quite large."

A few minutes later they arrived at the police station and were pulled out of the car. When John stumbled again, the officer holding his arm made a derogatory comment about drunken bums.

Teyla stopped and swung toward him. "He is not walking properly because of a recent injury. He currently requires the use of a walking stick and you did not retrieve if for him."

She moved closer to John and the officer allowed her to assist him in entering the building. They were put in a large holding cell with The Fat Boy Gang in an adjacent cell.

As John lowered himself onto a bench, he said to him team, "When they ask, just tell them the truth. We were only defending ourselves."

"Do we tell them who we are?" Ronon checked.

"Give them your name but no other information. They wouldn't believe you anyway."

He looked around. "I know the news program is being broadcast next weekend but until then we're supposed to stay quiet." The others nodded in understanding.

When a few officers came into the holding area, Rodney, still feeling the effects of the drink, moved toward the bars to vociferate, "Hey, we never got a phone call. Aren't we allowed a phone call?"

He looked up as if realizing something. "But I don't have anyone to call. Jeannie's too far away. Plus, she'd never come, she's in another country. Sheppard," he turned and pointed a wobbly finger at John and said, "You should call someone."

Rodney looked back at the officer opening the cell door and demanded, "You need to let me friend over there have a phone call!"

The officer grabbed Rodney and motioned for Ronon to follow as another cop escorted two of the gruesome gang out for what John assumed was questioning.

After a few minutes, Teyla knelt in front of John and touched his face. "Your lip is swollen and a bruise is starting to form on your cheek."

John covered her hand with his and asserted, "I'm fine! You worry too much."

Now that his hands were free, he moved the sleeve of his light blue button down and attempted to wipe the rest of the blood from his face.

Teyla assisted him then expressed, "Thank you for coming to my rescue today, but you are aware it was not necessary. I am quite capable of defending my own honor."

"I know you are, Teyla." John replied. "But sometimes I like to keep the illusion alive that I'm still capable of rescuing someone."

Teyla's eyes flew open. "Of course you are, John," she assured him. "And I love that you did. It provided me the opportunity to break free of my captors. I am thankful for you and your friendship."

John continued to hold Teyla's hand with one of his and slid the other in her hair to cup her head. A crooked grin appeared on his face and he repeated, "Friendship?"

He searched her face for signs that maybe that friendship could grow to more. She returned the intense gaze and stroked the jaw where her hand still rested. He applied light pressure on the back of her head and moved his face closer. He could feel her breath on his face and was anticipating greeting her full pink lips with his own when he heard Rodney's grating voice coming through the holding area door.

"Well, no I'm not an American citizen but I do work for the US Military. You can check."

"We will," said the officer.

John released his hold on Teyla and she stood up and moved slightly away. He noticed that Carson had been staring at them with an incredulous but happy look on his face.

Now he also looked to where Rodney was being let back into the cell.

"Where's Ronon?" John asked.

Rodney looked around him like he expected to see him there then shrugged. "I don't know. Officer?"

He looked at the man who had led him back to his cell. "I lost a big man with lots of shaggy long hair. He looks like a caveman. Have you seen him?"

The officer gave Rodney a small nudge back into the cell and said, "He's getting fingerprinted. He doesn't have any i.d."

John groaned at this and the officer waved for him to come. Teyla stood up and assisted him to the door then said, "I informed one of the other law enforcers that this man is unable to walk without assistance due to an injury."

The man looked doubtful for a second then conceded, "Okay, help him along."

John leaned on Teyla and hobbled out into the hallway. As they were heading in one direction, Fat Boy was being led back in the other. One hand was wrapped in an Ace bandage but that didn't deter him from reaching out with the other as their paths crossed.

The lewd comment he made toward Teyla as his hand moved in her direction was lost as John moved in front of her and threatened, "I can break the other one, too."

The cop with them grabbed John's arms and pulled them behind his back forcing him to take a wobbly step away. The other officer dragged Fat Boy back to the holding area. Teyla helped John into one room where he was told to sit behind a table then she was led off to be questioned in another room, he assumed.

A different cop entered the room a few minutes later and threw John's wallet, which had been confiscated earlier, on the table.

"Colonel John Sheppard of the United States Air Force," The man addressed John. "You want to tell me what you're doing here in our little neck of the woods?"

John gave a little sigh and answered, "Rehabilitation at Meadowgreen for the past four and a half months."

The cop's eyebrows rose as he disputed, "Meadowgreen's not a VA hospital or even publicly run."

"No, it's not," John gave a wry half smile then continued, "But my _brother_ wanted me nearby and insisted I'd recover faster here."

"You've got family around here that can afford Meadowgreen?" the man replied then his eyes popped open and his whole face fell.

"Sheppard?" he questioned. "Not _David _Sheppard, _PSI_ Sheppard?"

John's grin turned up to full volume at the dread in the man's voice. "I'm afraid so."

The man turned around and left the room muttering, "This is not good."

Through the window John saw _his_ cop talking to another one, this one in a suit, not a uniform. He looked in the window at John, surprise on his face at what the uniformed man was saying. He took a deep breath and entered the room.

"Mr. Sheppard. I'm Lieutenant Patterson."

"Lieutenant," John acknowledged then clarified, "And for the record, it's _Colonel._"

Patterson closed his eyes and sighed as he sat at the table across from John.

"Colonel," he corrected, "you want to tell me what happened at the tavern?"

"Sure," John smirked. "We had just had a nice dinner and were playing some pool when Boffo and the Leathernecks arrived insisting we stop our game and let them use the table."

"I take it you refused."

"I told them they could have it …as soon as we finished our game."

"I'm betting Thor didn't like that."

"Thor?" John choked out the name.

"That's what they call the leader of the little gang you took on."

John got an image of an Asgard wearing leather and chain mail and had to bite his lip to keep from laughing. Patterson was already in a mood, he didn't want to make it any worse.

"Go on, then what happened?"

"Thor," John emphasized the name, "decided he and his monkey men would occupy their time with my friend Teyla. I wasn't letting that happen."

Patterson looked in a small notebook he'd taken from his pocket and stated, "Thor claims _you_ threw the first punch."

John opened his mouth to deny it then stopped and started again to defend, "Yeah, I did, but only because that piece of filth had his _hand_ on Teyla's chest."

"The hand which you broke?"

John didn't say anything but the glint in his eye and the mischievous smirk answered the detective's question.

Patterson sat quietly for a minute then started on a different line of questioning. "Why don't you tell me about your friends and why they're here?"

John cocked his head and answered, "They're my _team_. I haven't seen them in a while and they came to visit me for my birthday."

Patterson picked up John's wallet from the table and looked at the identification inside. "Happy Birthday!"

John gave a sarcastic smile and Patterson got back on topic.

"Your _team_? You work for the US Military and your team consists of a Canadian physicist, a medical doctor from Scotland and two other people who have no identification whatsoever and refuse to give us more than their name and what happened at the tavern tonight. You can understand why I might be a bit confused and maybe even a little concerned."

"Listen Lieutenant," Sheppard sighed, "We didn't do anything wrong except defend ourselves. I'm not sorry I broke Thor's hand. He's just damn lucky I didn't break his _neck_. I could have done it quite easily."

Patterson was quiet again as he took in what John had said. "You know, Colonel, your driver's license expired almost five years ago. Is there a reason you haven't renewed it?"

John gave a small chuckle and replied, "I didn't even realize. The fact is I've been stationed out of the country for the past six years, actually longer if you count Antarctica, and DMV's are in short supply where I've been."

"Is that where your two unidentified friends are from?"

"Yeah," John agreed.

"So where exactly has that been?" Patterson asked.

John shook his head and said, "Sorry, Lieutenant, you don't have clearance for that kind of information."

"Fine!" Patterson huffed, "But you have to understand my predicament. You're the only US citizen among the whole lot of you. I can't very well just let your friends go wandering away. For all I know, they could be dangerous criminals or terrorists."

"I get that," John sympathized, "and I appreciate that you have a job to do. So why don't you let me make a phone call and see if I can't get you some reassurances."

Patterson pulled out his cell phone and pushed it across the table. "Long distance?" he asked curiously.

John shook his head. "I'm just calling my brother."

As Patterson nodded, John picked up the phone and checked the time as he dialed. It was almost midnight. It took a while before the phone picked up and when it did Dave sounded fairly aggravated. John cringed at the thought of what he might have interrupted.

"Hey, Dave, it's John."

"John! Is everything all right? What's wrong?" John felt warmth spread through him when he heard concern from his brother's voice instead of the anger or resentment he was expecting.

"Um, got a little problem," John informed his brother. "We ran into some trouble at the tavern."

Now came the disappointment. "Oh, John, what'd you do?"

"It wasn't our fault!" John shot back in defense. "But we're at the police station right now."

The sigh was audible all the way through the phone. "You need bail money?" Dave guessed. "How much?"

"No, no, it's just that Rodney and Carson aren't American citizens and Ronon and Teyla don't have _any_ kind of i.d. whatsoever."

"Oh!" Dave squeaked and John continued, "I need you to call Carter and let her know what happened. She just needs to let these nice people here know that the US Government knows my team is here and that they're not terrorists."

Dave agreed then said he'd be down shortly after he got things sorted out. "And you're going to owe Julia big time. I'm just giving you fair warning."

That comment made John realize that he was correct in his earlier assumption about what Dave and Julia were up to when he'd called.

John handed the phone back to Patterson and said, "My brother's going to handle things. He's really good at that. You should have some reassurances soon."

"Thank you, Colonel," the Lieutenant said. "Would you like to stay in this room while we wait for word from the Military? It might be a bit more comfortable than the holding cell."

"Just me?" John asked sarcastically. "How'd I get so lucky?"

Patterson shifted uncomfortably and cleared his throat. "Your brother's a pretty important man in these parts. PSI provides jobs for quite a few people and David Sheppard has been known for his altruism in donating to and sponsoring charity events and helping the community."

"So, it wouldn't look right if you kept David Sheppard's little brother locked up in a jail cell for a few hours when he was just helping the community take out the trash," John clarified.

Patterson took in the careful wording then nodded, "Exactly."

John just glared at the sycophant and requested, "Take me back to my friends."

He stood up and held onto the edge of the table. "This Sheppard doesn't need any special treatment."

He tried to take a step and realized he was so exhausted, with a few too many drinks in him as well, so corrected, "Okay, so maybe I do need a little something to help me walk, though."

Patterson nodded to someone out the door who returned a moment later with Teyla. She bustled over to John and slid under his arm.

"You okay?" he asked concerned.

Teyla responded, "I am fine, John, you need not worry about me."

He leaned on her and started walking out of the room. As Patterson walked down the hall next to them, he asked, "Are you sure you want to go back in there? I could probably arrange for your friend here to keep you company."

John squeezed Teyla's shoulder and replied, "As tempting as that sounds, I think we'll go back to _all_ our friends."

The two of them reentered the cell and settled on the bench on the far wall. Rodney was pacing but stopped when John and Teyla came back in.

"Sheppard, what are we gonna do? Ronon and Teyla don't have any identification. And I'm pretty sure their fingerprints aren't going to come up in any database."

"It's fine, McKay," John calmed him. "Settle down. I talked to Dave. He's gonna call Carter."

Rodney perked up. "Oh, oh, that's good. Sam'll know what to do. I mean they must have had this problem with Teal'c before, and he's got that …" Rodney put his hand up to his forehead, then looked around and realized the Pencilneck Gang was staring at him and quickly moved his hand, " … uh funny hair."

John just shook his head and chuckled. "So this was fun! What do you guys want to do tomorrow?"

"Sleep," Rodney mumbled as he sat on one of the benches.

Ronon just grunted and shrugged and Carson closed his eyes and sighed.

John looked at Teyla and said, "Looks like it's your choice."

Teyla thought for a moment then responded, "Is tomorrow not the day that your people put aside for worship?"

John looked confused then answered, "Yes … you… want to go to _church_?

Teyla smiled. "I was quite taken with the beauty of the structure and the solemnity of the ritual. The music was uplifting and the message in many of the stories was inspiring. I would greatly desire to attend again while I am on this …"

"Continent!" John filled in quickly and Teyla's eyes lit up with comprehension.

"Yes, this continent."

John looked over at The Bad News Bears in the other cell and conceded, "_**I**_ should probably go to confession while I'm there."

Teyla looked confused and John just waved her off then gave a heavy sigh and agreed.

"I'll be happy to take you but we'll probably need to hitch a ride with Dave and Julia since I can't really drive yet. And knowing Dave, he'll probably want to punish me for this little fiasco by going to the early mass."

"I am sure David and Julia would be happy to take me if you do not wish to go," Teyla offered.

John looked down at Teyla and slyly put his hand around hers. "I should go." He looked around at his friends nearby. "I've got more than a few things to say thank you for right now."

He looked at Teyla again and she smiled _her _thanks up at John. John knew he'd be content just sitting here all night gazing at Teyla's gorgeous face, holding her hand. But he barely got twenty seconds before Rodney comprehended what they were talking about.

"Church!" Rodney bellowed. "Why would you want to go and listen to a bunch of boring old prayers and some old geezer telling you everything you do will send you straight to hell and damnation?"

"That is not what I remember, Rodney," Teyla said. "I recall one saying was 'Children let us not love with words or tongue but with action and in truth.' And I believe it was written by a man named John." She smiled up at the man still holding her hand.

"Wow! Good memory," John congratulated.

Rodney looked skeptical so Teyla added, "I believe this John also spoke of your deity sacrificing his only son and said, 'He so loved us, we also ought to love one another.' Are these not messages that all people should live by. Would the worlds not be a more habitable place if all people were to adopt these teachings?"

Rodney wagged his head back and forth comically and replied, "Yeah, whatever!"

He leaned his head back against the bars behind him and closed his eyes.

"You are correct, Teyla," Carson agreed with what she had been saying. "Those messages are wonderful and uplifting and should be adopted by all people."

He looked over to the next cell where the gang of thugs were trading stories about their numerous scars. Carson gave an inner chuckle when he thought of John and Ronon and possibly even Teyla entering that contest. Their scars and the stories behind them would put the others to shame.

He looked back at John who was fighting to keep his eyes open. Ten minutes later the eyes had won and his head dropped down.

Teyla noticed him about to pitch forward and grabbed his torso and lowered his head to her lap and ordered, "Ronon, lift his legs onto the bench, please."

Ronon did as asked and everyone grew quiet again. Even the rowdies in the next cell attempted to get some rest.

Carson continued to watch as Teyla ran a hand through Sheppard's unruly hair. She occasionally attempted to pat it down but it had a mind of its own and would spring back to attention. Her other hand rested on John's chest and Teyla did little to disguise the emotions she was feeling as she gazed at John's sleeping face.

Carson had always wondered about those two. From the first time they had met they'd always seemed closer, more connected than many people who'd known each other for years. John had trusted Teyla implicitly, even when many others had their doubts. He had stood up for her and defended her against his own people. And Teyla had returned that dedication and trust.

Through the years, Carson had noticed that sometimes John would go above and beyond for Teyla. Oh, John was loyal to many and always gave more than one hundred percent in trying to save people, especially his team. But with Teyla, the stuff he did seemed much riskier and more daring.

He'd been somewhat out of the picture when Teyla had been taken by Michael but he'd heard stories of how badly injured John had been and had still undertaken the task of bringing her back, even offering to surrender for court-martial after they had gotten her.

He hadn't gone that far to rescue Elizabeth. He knew John still felt guilty about not going back for _her_ but the bottom line was that the IOA hadn't wanted him to and he'd complied. Carson wasn't so sure John would have obeyed those orders had it been Teyla.

Teyla looked up and caught Carson staring at her. She seemed nervous and apprehensive for a minute when she realized her face had been beaming while she stroked John's hair and gently touched the bruises on his face. Carson reassured her with a compassionate smile but he noticed she held herself a bit stiffer and caressed John less from then on.

Another half hour passed before the door to the holding area rattled. A uniformed officer walked in followed by two men. One was Dave Sheppard.

Carson stood and gave a sigh of relief. "General O'Neill. Am I glad to see you!"

Jack O'Neill gave a grimace. "Wish I could say the same. It's a little later than this on the East Coast.

When Dave approached the bars and saw the position John was in and the bloodstains on his shirt, he asked concerned, "Is he okay?"

"Just passed out," Ronon said.

Teyla huffed and clarified, "He is merely asleep."

Rodney rose at this point and said, "So … uh…John said you were calling Sam. She didn't come?"

He looked behind the three men to see if maybe she would appear.

"Give it up, McKay," Jack snarled. "She's not here. She's in the middle of something important and asked if I could take care of this situation."

"And we are thankful for that, General," Teyla uttered sweetly.

"You're just lucky the tavern owner isn't pressing any charges," Dave said. "Although I did have to pay for some of the damages."

McKay looked confused. "What I don't get is how the cops got there so fast after the fight began."

The uniformed officer took a step forward and supplied, "We keep an eye on Thor and his gang. Most of the time people are smart enough to get out of their way but every now and then somebody decides to take them on and we have to intervene. Usually before someone gets badly hurt."

"Thor, huh?" Jack cocked his head and took a few steps closer to the other cell. "These guys don't look too tough." He chuckled. ""And they look in worse shape than my guys."

The leader of the gang approached the bars and growled at O'Neill.

"Thor, I presume. Gotta tell you, I've met the real one and you look nothing like him."

Thor glared at O'Neill and said, "General, huh? What are these guys, Special Forces or something?"

O'Neill shrugged, "or something."

"Figured they'd have to be to take out my men like they did."

"Whatever."

Jack looked back to the officer and instructed," Open it up!"

He then addressed the people inside. "Wake up Sleeping Beauty there and let's get out of here, huh?"

Ronon and Carson took John under the arms and pulled him to his feet. He gave a snort, mumbled a few words then his eyes flickered open. They started to drift closed again until they saw O'Neill and Dave standing there. He blinked a few times then shook his head.

"General!"

"In the flesh, Colonel," O'Neill said. "Not too happy about it though."

John looked genuinely regretful and attempted to stand up straighter. "Sorry, Sir!"

As Ronon and Carson helped him cross the cell, O'Neill chastised, "Didn't I teach you to play nice, Sheppard? You're not supposed to hurt the civilians." He looked at the group in the next cell. "Even the less desirable ones."

John glared at Thor and defended, "I only broke his _hand_."

O'Neill looked thoughtful. "Yeah, you're right. I forgive you. This time."

As they left the holding area, John asked Dave, "I thought you were calling Carter. How'd you get a hold of the General?"

O'Neill fielded the question. "Carter was busy and asked me if I could deal with this."

John's lip curled into a smirk and he repeated, "Busy, huh?"

Jack just glared at him.

They had their personal belongings returned and went outside, Ronon still helping John. The cool night air woke him up a bit and he asked O'Neill, "Does General Landry know about this yet?"

"Nope!" O'Neill denied. "Pretty sure he doesn't. And he doesn't have to know. I'm pretty good at _keeping secrets_." He looked at John conspiratorially.

"Thank you, Sir," John enthused, "And I'm _very_ appreciative."

"See that you are, Sheppard," O'Neill subtly warned. "Now it's time for me to get back to my nice warm bed."

Rodney looked around and questioned, "Uh, how exactly did you get here so fast?"

Jack pointed up and said, "Ellis was kind enough to give me a ride. I understand he's doing the same thing for some of you Monday morning."

Rodney and Carson nodded and O'Neill said goodbye. "Try and stay out of trouble, Colonel."

John just shrugged and watched as O'Neill disappeared between two buildings. A faint light glowed from the alleyway for a few seconds then also disappeared.

Dave headed to the SUV parked at the curb. "Come on!" he snapped. "Let's go!"

John moved near his brother and pasted on his most remorseful puppy dog face. "I'm really sorry, Dave."

Dave thought he was immune but realized he wasn't completely, so he simply asked, "Did you have a good birthday?"

John grinned, "Yeah, I did."

"Good!" Dave answered then looked at his watch. "But it isn't your birthday any more so get in the car!"

John complied and climbed into the third row with Teyla following him. The drive was barely twenty minutes but John still managed to fall asleep and snuggle his head back in Teyla's lap.

In the dark vehicle, Teyla was emboldened to caress John's hair, face, shoulders and arms, marveling at the muscles that resided in the latter. Dave had said he spent most of his day working out and Teyla could tell.

John _also_ felt bold, even in his sleep. His hand ran up and down the smooth skin of Teyla's leg. Teyla closed her eyes imagining that they were alone, _wishing_ that they were alone.

John's hand travelled up and down once more, this time moving past her knee and caressing her inner thigh. Teyla's leg moved subconsciously allowing John's hand further access. She tried to stifle the small gasp and indrawn breath at the sensations that coursed through her from her legs up further.

Her hand clenched in John's hair as another wave of desire shot through her. When she felt John's head turn and his lips touch her leg she thought she would lose it. But the car stopped suddenly and a door opened turning on the inside light.

Teyla had been so preoccupied with where John's hand had been that she hadn't even noticed they'd reached the long driveway. With the addition of the light John's hand dropped away leaving Teyla to wonder if he had truly been asleep.

Dave and Ronon helped John out and into the house, Teyla following close behind. John seemed to wake enough to apologize again, "Sorry, Dave, the car's still at the tavern."

"I'll send someone to get it in the morning."

Once inside Dave allowed Teyla to take his place and he marched up the stairs with Rodney and Carson shuffling after him. Ronon and Teyla got John on the bed and Ronon went to leave.

Teyla stopped him and chastised, "Ronon, he cannot sleep like this. Please assist me in making him more comfortable."

Ronon pulled his shoes and socks off then tugged on his pants while Teyla unbuttoned his shirt and removed it. John moved only slightly to allow them to pull the blankets out from under him.

"Looks like he's having some dream!" Ronon chuckled as he noticed the front of John's boxers while pulling the sheet over him.

"Ronon!" Teyla scolded and shooed him from the room. He said goodnight and joined the others upstairs. Teyla spent a few minutes in the bathroom before checking on John one last time before she got ready for bed.

She sat down next to him and readjusted the blanket a bit higher on his chest. The light from the hallway spilled in enough for Teyla to see John's dog tags nestling in the soft hair of his chest.

Teyla couldn't resist and her hands followed her eyes and stroked the soft fur. John gave a low moan and his hand found her leg again. It started on a similar path to the one it had travelled earlier and Teyla's breath became shallow as it continued its journey.

John's hand stilled and a light snore escaped from his mouth as Teyla realized he had fallen into a deep sleep once again. She sat for a few minutes enjoying the sensation of his hand on her thigh and her hand on his chest.

She wished she had the courage to shed her own clothing and crawl under the sheets with him. But as bold as she'd attempted to be, that was beyond her realm of comfort. She simply skimmed her lips over his and retired to her room across the hall.

.

.

oxoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxo

.

John cautiously peeked into the kitchen to see Julia and Teyla sitting across from each other at the table. He took a deep breath and limped over to grab a chair and sit down right next to Julia, leaning in to face her.

"I am _really, really_ sorry about last night." John truly was and looked nervously at his future sister-in-law's face. Her opinion of him had come to mean a lot to John and he owed her so much. He knew his presence here had been an inconvenience and a royal pain in the ass, not to mention something she definitely hadn't signed up for. If her patience had run out, he wouldn't blame her.

Julia took one look at John's worried face with the split lip and the fresh black and blue on his cheek and any irritation she had felt vanished. Even with Teyla sitting across from her, John had still addressed her first, asking forgiveness. That brought him up a few more notches in her book.

She shook her head in wonder. "Can anyone ever stay mad at you for long?" Julia grinned.

John closed his eyes in relief that she wasn't overly upset. He leaned back and said, "I think my Dad was mad at me for about thirty years. Does that qualify as long?"

Julia chuckled at John's attempt at a joke but knew from Dave and the lingering pain in John's eyes that he hadn't really been kidding.

She pointed to his face and asked, "Does that hurt much?"

John, in typical fashion, shrugged it off with, "I'm fine."

"That is John's response to any question regarding his health," Teyla remarked.

Julia smiled. "I've actually figured that one out myself."

John looked up at Teyla shyly and greeted, "Morning."

He remembered most of last night but there were still some lingering images in his mind and he didn't know if they were dreams or reality. They had to do with Teyla's legs and he was almost hoping they were a dream because if he'd really done what he remembered then he probably owed her an apology, too.

"So what was the brawl about last night?" Julia's question interrupted John's train of thought.

"A group of very disagreeable men did not wish to wait their turn for the pool table we were utilizing," Teyla said.

"Oh, they decided they'd wait," John corrected, "and occupy themselves with Teyla."

Julia's eyes opened in horror. "Did they hurt you?"

Teyla shook her head. "No, but they were quite unpleasant."

John took a deep breath through clenched teeth as he remembered. "I couldn't just watch them manhandle her."

"And you only broke the guy's hand?" Dave added from the doorway. "I would have broken his neck if he'd touched Julia."

"So does this mean I'm forgiven?" John asked hopefully.

"There's nothing to forgive," Dave insisted. "I talked to the tavern owner last night and he said this gang shows up every so often to cause trouble. He had no intention of pressing charges against you and your friends. He was relieved none of you were seriously hurt and even a little glad you managed to bring down most of them."

"You already knew this when you came to get us?" John clarified. "Cause you seemed kind of pissed."

"Well, the tavern owner was more than happy to take a _donation _from me for the damages plus it was an _unwelcome_ interruption."

John grimaced, blushed and put his head in his hands as he mumbled, "Sorry!"

Julia looked at John rubbing his temples and offered, "Let me get you some coffee, John."

When she put the steaming, black brew in front of him, he smiled his thanks. He took a sip then said, "Teyla wanted to go to church this morning. Can we bum a ride with you?"

"Of course you can," Dave smiled down at Teyla as he took the seat next to her. "We'll leave in about forty minutes."

Teyla looked down at her clothes then up at Julia who nodded in understanding.

"Finish your tea and we'll work on an outfit for you."

Teyla looked worried. "I did not bring the garment I wore last time. I am unsure if I have anything that will be proper."

"Last time was Easter," John explained. "Everyone dresses a little fancier then. Today's just a regular Sunday. I'm going like this."

He indicated the navy blue button down with the sleeves rolled up and a pair of tan cargo pants. She looked at Dave who also wore a more casual shirt and slacks.

Thirty minutes later she had on one of Julia's sundresses in a pastel floral pattern.

"Very nice," John approved as he took her elbow in one hand and leaned on the retrieved cane with the other.

Teyla was enthralled again with the ceremony, especially the music and John loved hearing her beautiful voice echoing among the congregation.

Dave and Julia greeted many people on their way in and out and John again felt awkward. Besides Easter, they'd managed to get him here a few times. Usually under the pretense that it was a mass for one of their parents or some other long gone relative.

The worst part was people staring at him. He really hated being the center of attention and also despised the looks of pity many people sent his way. And he never knew who was being nice because they really cared or because they wanted to score a few points with the Almighty Powerful David Sheppard. There were also many faces that looked familiar, probably people who knew him as a kid and he just couldn't place them.

But holding Teyla's arm as he tried to gracefully walk out of the church, he didn't care so much what everyone else was thinking. He was only thinking of her and her animated face at this still new experience. He loved watching her expressions when she discovered new things about this world. It made him want to just take her and travel all over, showing the many more marvels this land had to offer.

As they exited the church, Teyla recognized the two celebrants as the men she had met last time.

"Father Cleary," John greeted and released Teyla's arm long enough to shake the man's hand. "Do you remember Teyla?"

"Of course," He said and grasped Teyla's hand. John's hand went back to her arm for added support as the older priest asked, "Where's your son, today?"

John wasn't sure who he was addressing but Teyla spoke up. "He is back home with my people. The journey is a long one and I did not wish him to endure this only to say goodbye to John once again. He was terribly upset for many days after our previous visit."

"So you haven't seen him since Easter?" the younger Father Donovan inquired of John.

John's eyes filled with pain as he answered, "No, this is the first I've seen of Teyla, also. Except the video messages I get every night," John smiled at Teyla showing her how much he needed and appreciated the nightly e-mails.

"You look like you're getting along pretty well, John," Father Cleary stated. "How much longer do you have to go?"

"I don't really know," John admitted ruefully. "I'm hoping by Dave and Julia's wedding but that's only six weeks away. I've still got a ways to go."

"I am hoping that Torren and I coming for that event will give you the motivation you need," Teyla added.

"I'm not lacking motivation," John said. "I just need these damn legs to start functioning properly." John looked up in apology at the improper word.

Father Donovan just shrugged it off and pointed skyward. "We've got an _**in**_ with the big guy. Maybe we can put in a good word."

John shook his hand as well and thanked them and they moved out of the church to the car.

.

.

Ronon, Rodney and Carson were all up and sitting on the patio when the others returned. Julia had left a plate of pastry and it was now sitting on a table outside with them, half gone.

"So, you all redeemed and everything now?" Rodney quipped as the four church goers joined them in the chairs outside.

John just smirked as he sat down next to Teyla on a bench but Teyla answered him seriously.

"Today the priest spoke of a shepherd who left his ninety-nine sheep to go out and search for one that was lost. When the sheep was found, they rejoiced. And they spoke often of this Good Shepherd. I thought the name was appropriate. A shepherd is apparently one who looks after and cares for his flock. He keeps them safe and free from harm. They in turn look up to him as a guide and protector."

"Yeah, so?" Rodney asked.

Teyla tilted her head. "Is this not what John does for all of us on Atlantis? He keeps us all safe from harm. And he searches diligently whenever someone is lost."

"Right!" snapped Rodney facetiously, "and _all_ his little _sheep_ look up to him."

"Actually, McKay," Ronon put in, "if by sheep, you mean the soldiers then yeah, they do look up to him for guidance and leadership."

"You know, Teyla," Carson observed, "that's very astute of you. I never noticed the connection myself but you are absolutely correct. John is 'the shepherd' of Atlantis. I know I always felt safer with you around." He directed this last comment to John.

John's eyes narrowed at Rodney then he smiled at the doctor. "Thank you Carson. Glad to see someone appreciates what I do." Then he added dismally, "Or did."

"Well I think your flock is ready to have you come back again," Ronon suggested. "Cause Armstrong isn't the type to spend a whole lot of time looking for one sheep when he's still got ninety-nine hanging around to do work for him."

John's gaze grew intense. "What do you mean? Who did we lose?"

"John," Teyla diverted his attention, "you must not worry about these things. You need to concentrate your attention on your full recovery."

John took a deep breath in and demanded, "Who?"

"Teyla's right, Sheppard," Ronon admitted. "You need to worry about _you_. Besides, everything worked out and everybody's fine."

John looked suspicious so Rodney blurted out, "Just tell the man!" He looked up at John and said, "Major Teldy's team was missing for almost a week. They got picked up on some world and sold as slaves."

"What?" John exclaimed. "How the hell did that happen?"

Rodney shrugged his shoulders and continued, "I don't know. But they're like Charlie's Angels, they managed to bust out and gate to a safe world. Luckily Lorne had our allies keeping their eyes and ears open and met up with them to gate back to Atlantis."

Julia looked curious. "Why couldn't they simply go back to Atlantis on their own?"

John leaned forward. "Atlantis has a force shield over the gate so unwanted guests can't just pop in uninvited. You need a specific code to lower the shield. I assume they had their GDO's taken?"

Rodney whistled, "They had everything taken! You should have seen the outfits they came back in, makes Teyla's sparring outfit look downright chaste."

"Rodney!" Teyla reprimanded as she looked disapprovingly at him. "Major's Teldy's team were all quite distressed at the sequence of events."

"Are they okay?" John asked concerned. "They weren't … you know … hurt … in any way?"

Teyla understood what he was asking and reassured him, "Anne says they were …manhandled I believe you called it but nothing more."

John didn't say anything else but his jaw remained tense. Dave noticed this and made an attempt at relaxing him by addressing the whole group.

"Well, what are the plans for today?"

"Nothing strenuous!" groaned Rodney.

John snorted, "Like that's anything new for you, McKay."

Ronon chuckled but Teyla gave John a small tap on the side of his leg. John captured her hand and shifted in his seat to try and hide the fact as he said, "We don't actually have to do anything; we can just hang out."

Everyone seconded that idea and thought a day of just relaxing would be perfect. The day was warm so everyone alternated between the air-conditioned house and the pool.

Lunch time saw John and Dave throwing together some sandwiches in the kitchen while the others listened to Rodney explaining to Julia some of the less complex devices the Ancients had developed.

As John cut another sandwich and added it to the growing pile, he looked at Dave and said, "Thanks Dave! For making this happen, bringing them here. I really appreciate it."

Dave shook his head. "I didn't do anything. It was actually Dr. McKay's idea. He got approval for them all to come then Teyla got in touch with me."

"I know that but you've been putting up with _me_ invading your life for quite a while. And now you're allowing my friends to invade it as well. You didn't have to let them stay here. They could have gotten a hotel nearby," John pointed out.

"Which would be silly," Dave said, "since we have all these extra rooms here."

John grinned. "You and Julia will just have to fill them all up with kids."

Dave laughed. "I'm not sure we're the type to have a whole passel of kids. Now you and Teyla … you're already great parents. I can see you with a few more."

"Really?" John gave a half smirk. "I think I'd actually have to kiss her first."

Dave stopped in the middle of spreading mayonnaise on a piece of bread. "Are you telling me you've never even _kissed_ Teyla?"

John just stared at the mustard bottle in his hand. Dave shook his head and sighed, "What are you waiting for little brother?"

John squirted some mustard onto a piece of ham and threw a piece of cheese on top. "Actually, I did kiss her once … about four years ago. Remember I mentioned the retrovirus I had that started changing my DNA?"

Dave nodded and stopped what he was doing to pay attention to his brother.

"Well unfortunately before I realized that anything was wrong, the virus had already started making changes. Teyla and I were sparring; I was faster and stronger and wasn't getting my ass kicked for the first time ever. And I guess my inhibitions were lowered because at one point I just grabbed her and kissed her."

"What did she say?" Dave asked.

"She didn't say much of anything. I think I scared the crap out of her. I wasn't exactly gentle." John let out a huge sigh.

"I got a whole lot worse before I got better and it was a few weeks before I was recovered enough to remember it and say anything. She told me not to give it any thought. But … I thought about it a lot. I wanted to feel her lips against mine again but I could still see her eyes so scared and confused. I guess I've almost been … afraid … to even attempt it again."

Dave put his hand on John's shoulder and encouraged, "I've seen Teyla looking at you, John. I'm pretty sure you won't have any problems."

"Thanks," John replied. "Now all I need is some time alone with her."

"I can probably arrange something, you know."

John smiled his thanks. "Appreciate the offer but honestly I want to spend as much time as I can with the others, too. They'll be gone tomorrow morning and Teyla and I will hopefully get a little time to ourselves. I think we really need to talk about a few things."

"And hopefully you'll kiss her," Dave prodded.

A mischievous glint came into John's eye. "I'll try and make that a priority."

"What's a priority?" Rodney asked as he strolled into the kitchen and snagged a piece of cheese.

"Getting this food out to you so you don't keel over from hunger."

"Ha!" Rodney snapped his fingers. "That's just what I was thinking."

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xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

The rest of the day was uneventful and very relaxing. Ronon and Teyla preferred to be outdoors while Rodney opted for indoors to protect his delicate skin from the harsh rays of the sun. Carson spent a good deal of time with Rodney since his visits to Atlantis weren't all that frequent. But he also enjoyed swimming in the pool and seeing the horses. John got his exercise moving between the two groups.

Rodney was sitting at the kitchen table when Dave came in from outside with a load of dirty plates and glasses. He deposited them in the sink then strolled past McKay. The man was currently tapping away at a computer and the screen was covered with a combination of numbers and letters that looked completely foreign to him.

He, again, was struck by the enormous difference of this man compared to his brother and wondered what could have transpired to bond them as friends. McKay looked up as Dave stood staring at him.

When Dave realized, he shook himself and offered, "Do you need anything, Dr. McKay? Something to eat or drink?"

"Call me Rodney, please," he asked then looked at the empty plate next to his computer. "I think I'm all set. That third sandwich finally hit the spot."

"Good!" Dave answered then glanced at the computer screen. "That looks pretty complicated. What is it?"

"Just some calculations I'm working on, figuring out planetary drift. You see, in order for the Stargates to connect there has to be …" Rodney stopped when he saw confusion in the man's eyes. "Never mind. Yeah, it's complicated."

Dave chuckled. "It must be difficult to be around so many people who don't understand what you do."

"Or appreciate what I do. But this," Rodney waved at the computer, "this stuff is relatively easy compared to some of the work I do. I mean Sheppard …uh, John … can do this."

Dave looked closer at the figures on the screen and commented, "Yeah, but John's brilliant."

Rodney pursed his lips and scoffed arrogantly, "I wouldn't go so far as to call him brilliant, but he's pretty smart. He's definitely smarter than all those muscle head Marines that strut around the city all day."

Rodney looked introspective for a second then said, "Can I ask you a question?"

Dave nodded and Rodney said, "I'll admit that your brother's _really_, really smart. But it's like he doesn't want anyone to know how smart he is. Is there a reason for that?"

It was Dave's turn to shrug. "I don't really know. John always did well in school which was his saving grace. I think his high scores on everything were the only reason he didn't get chucked out of the private schools we went to."

"Little bit of a mischief maker, our Colonel?" Rodney chuckled.

"There was no _little_ about it. He hated the limelight on him for his academic achievements and I sometimes wondered if he pulled all the stupid pranks to diffuse all the gushing over him."

Rodney shook his head. "I just don't get that about him. He never wants anybody to make a big deal whenever he does something heroic or amazing, which, truthfully, he does all the time. What, is he sick of it from all the attention he got as Mr. Popularity in high school?"

Dave looked confused. "Mr. Popularity? Where did you get that idea?"

McKay cocked his head and said, "Oh, come on, you can't tell me he wasn't the cool popular kid that everyone flocked to in school? He must have been!"

Dave shook his head. "John was well liked and had a good deal of friends but he was never the center of attention like you implied. John stayed as far away from that scene as possible."

"Really? Huh!"

Rodney looked thoughtful and Dave now asked, "So do you mind if _**I **_ask a personal question?"

"Ask away!"

Dave sat down next to McKay and began, "I have to tell you I was kind of surprised the first time I met you in San Francisco last year. John had mentioned your name a few times but you weren't _really_ what I was expecting."

"There are a lot of people who are surprised when they find out we're actually friends and not just colleagues."

Dave just nodded and wondered how to ask his question diplomatically.

Rodney held his finger up in the air and said, "You're actually wondering why we _are _friends and how we got to be that way, aren't you?"

Dave nodded again.

Rodney gave a curious grin. "You know I've wondered that a bit myself. The best answer I can probably give you is that our friendship has grown out of respect for the other. Although I'll admit that at first I thought of your brother as just another dumb soldier who was only brought along to play human light switch."

"But as bad guys started coming out of the woodwork and John started coming up with brilliant plans to save us all, my opinion started to change. Granted, most of his hare-brained schemes were completely out of the box, whacko, but the funny thing is they always worked. Of course they always involved me and some equally brilliant engineering feat. But the fact that John even knew these things were possible made me start rethinking the whole dumb soldier part."

"And you know, he always had complete faith in me, sometimes _too_ much maybe. And the best part of John was that he was okay with me being me. I could be arrogant and condescending and put people down for not being as brilliant as I am, and I do that sometimes, and John was okay with that. He never expected me to change. And he still doesn't."

A small, sad smile came onto Dave's face. "John would never want anyone to change who they were just to suit him. He had too much of that growing up."

Rodney lifted an eyebrow waiting for Dave to explain.

"Our Dad was a very controlling man. He liked things a certain way. He had definite plans for John and me from the time we were young. I guess I just always followed along and did what was expected but John …"

"He _never_ does what's expected," Rodney interrupted with a chuckle.

Dave rolled his eyes and agreed. "No, he doesn't. And the more Dad pushed him to be one way, the harder John pushed in the opposite direction."

"Sounds like John. He can be pretty stubborn when he wants to be."

"Yeah," Dave smiled ruefully. "It used to drive Dad crazy, though. And the fights they used to get into …" Dave trailed off shaking his head.

"You know everyone thought Sheppard had no family," Rodney hesitated. "Well, until he got sent home for the funeral. And even then he wouldn't talk about it. Kept saying he was fine. He wasn't fine. I could tell he wasn't fine. He always has to be so damned stoic all the time."

"I know," Dave acknowledged. "Blame that on our Dad, too. From the time we were little he always drilled into us 'Never let them see that you hurt,' and 'Stiff upper lip' and all that."

"He still follows those orders," Rodney claimed then added sarcastically, "Your Dad would be so proud."

Dave gazed up at McKay whose eyes were focused out the window on Teyla, Julia, Carson and Ronon splashing in the pool and John sitting beside it going through a stack of reports Dave had asked him to look at.

"What's he reading?" Rodney questioned.

"Some reports for the company. He's been helping me with some fiscal decisions lately. I told him he didn't have to do it this weekend but he is anyway. He _might_ just be using it as an excuse if his legs are getting tired from swimming."

Quiet settled between them for a few moments then Rodney said, "Your brother's a good man. You know that, don't you?"

"I'm beginning to see that more and more," Dave answered.

"A little over a year ago," Rodney began seriously, "I was infected with a parasite that attacked my brain and sent me into a degenerative state where I started losing my memories and my abilities to function normally. In less than three weeks I was pretty far gone and they didn't think I'd last much longer. I mean, obviously I did, through a long, detailed story they managed to get rid of the parasite but …,"

Rodney waved his hands around. "The point of this story is to tell you that while I was going through this, John was the truest friend I could ever have asked for. He stayed by me, supported me and refused to give up on me even when it looked like there were no options left."

Rodney paused to take a deep breath. "One night I woke up petrified because I thought no one was with me. I went running hysterically down the halls, yelling for John. Not my finest moment. After I woke John up I felt ridiculous but he just shrugged it off. He said if I wanted to just hang out we could, even though it was the middle of the night. He ended up taking me out to the pier with a six-pack and we just talked for a while."

Rodney smiled. "But you know I realized what an amazing friend he was then. I knew I was forgetting more and more each day and thought we should say goodbye before I forgot who he was. He actually got mad at me and said forget it. He wasn't saying goodbye and that if I forgot who he was, he'd remind me. I tried to argue with him but he was adamant."

Rodney continued to stare out the window. "I could never find another friend that loyal and devoted if I tried."

Dave looked at Rodney and commented, "I'm glad you're okay and that John was there for you."

Rodney's face had a twisted expression and he complained, "I just wish I could have been here this whole time to help him when he needed it. I feel like I let him down, especially after all he's done for me. But short of quitting my job and moving here, it just wasn't possible."

"John understands that," Dave assured him.

Dave thought about all McKay had just told him and a thread of jealousy wove its way through him. He was jealous of the close relationship this man had with his brother. He was happy that John had good friends that were by his side but he wished that he and John could have always had that kind of relationship.

As kids, they'd been close and helped each other through all sorts of hard times, like their mother's illness and death. But shortly after that, when Dave had fallen into line with Dad's plans and John hadn't, it sometimes seemed like lines had been drawn.

But looking back over the last few months, Dave saw that he and John were getting back there again. He'd actually _been _there for John during a few key episodes and provided the support his brother needed. Teyla and Torren had been able to provide John with support during their time here a few months back but when they left, Dave was the one who had to pick up the pieces.

He'd sat nearby while John had drunk himself silly and then got him into bed. He'd checked on him throughout the night and had even spent some time chatting in the late hours when he'd found John awake just sitting staring out the sliders at the stars.

He stared out the kitchen slider at his brother who was now splashing in the pool, also. It was great seeing John so happy and he desperately wanted him whole and well again. But a small part of him dreaded the time that John would be returned to complete health because he knew when that happened, John would go back to his life in another galaxy. And Dave would be here, without him.

.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo


	15. Chapter 15

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"Carson, are you finally ready?" Rodney whined. "Ellis is doing us a favor here. Not to mention saving us time and all the money we'd have to spend on airfare."

"I'm ready, I'm ready!" Carson huffed as he walked into the front hall where the others were all waiting.

"John, it was great seeing you. We'll see you again on Friday. Hopefully I'll be a wee bit richer if I can get me boy here to perform well enough."

Ronon grunted, "Throw a bunch of logs around, no problem."

"You sure you want to go, Chewie?" John asked. "You can always stay here with us."

"Yeah, I'm sure. You're in rehab most of the day. You know I can't stand sitting around that long. I need some action."

Ronon moved in closer and grabbed John's hand. "Besides," he lowered his voice and looked over at Teyla, "you got things you need to take care of."

John gave a lopsided grin and said goodbye to Carson and Rodney. "Tell Jeannie I said hi. Madison and Caleb, too. And try not to eat too much tofu, it makes you grouchy."

Teyla, Dave and Julia also said their goodbyes and Rodney signaled to the Apollo that they were ready to go. Julia gasped as they disappeared in a flash of light even though she had been warned what would happen. She shook her head then finally seemed to get a hold of herself.

"You ready to go, John?"

John picked up his small gym bag and leaned on his cane as he headed for the door.

"You sure you don't want me to drop him off on my way?" Dave asked as he approached the SUV.

Julia, Teyla and John moved toward the Volvo. "We're fine," Julia insisted. "The stores don't open until at least nine so Teyla and I can drop John off, have a nice leisurely cup of tea and then … SHOP!"

Dave and John groaned in synchronization.

At the rehab center, John got out of the vehicle as Julia promised, "We'll be back at two to get you."

John waved them off and hobbled up the walk toward the building.

Julia looked at Teyla and smirked. "We are going to find you something that will make that man finally put the moves on you."

Teyla smiled her appreciation but still remembered the feel of John's lips on her neck. John may be slow but she knew he was also persistent.

.

.

John headed past reception and went straight to the gym. Lisa was already there, like she always was. John knew she had very little to do now that he was closer to the end of his therapy but he had insisted Dave keep her on. Her hours had been cut since he was usually gone by two each day but he hoped it was still enough to pay off her son's braces.

He walked over and sat on the desk she used, so she could check his vitals like she did every day.

"Good morning, Colonel!" she greeted then noticed the cut on his lip and the bruise on his face. "What happened to you?"

John smirked, "A little too much birthday Saturday night."

She put her fingers on his wrist and gave him a skeptical look. "With your team, you mean? One of them did this?"

"No," John denied then his eyes twinkled with mischief. "We got into a brawl with an unsavory gang who wanted our pool table even though we weren't done with it yet."

Lisa gave him a not-so-patient look. "Do I even dare ask what shape this gang was in when you were done?"

"Definitely worse than us. The one I tangled with is nursing a broken hand."

"For good reason, I'm sure."

John's eyes grew dark as he remembered. "He put it on Teyla."

Lisa's eyes lit with understanding. "Where's your team now?"

"They left this morning to visit some family. They'll be back Friday."

Lisa was confused. "Teyla's not from around here, though."

John shook his head quietly. "No, she's with Julia today. They went shopping. She's going to be corrupted, I know it."

"Maybe not," Lisa appeased. "Will we see her at all this week?"

"Yeah, She'll be back to pick me up today and she plans on coming in with me the rest of the week. She's hoping to pick up some pointers to share with her people who have had similar injuries."

"Not a lot of doctors and hospitals nearby?" Lisa asked.

John's crooked grin matched his lowered eyebrow. "Her people don't even have electricity or running water. We just finally got them using an irrigation system for their crops."

Lisa seemed taken aback. She would never have imagined the beautiful, poised woman she'd met several months ago came from a situation like the Colonel described.

She folded up the BP cuff and announced, "You're all set, Colonel. Vitals are great! Where do you want to start?"

They began their typical routine with John stretching first then moving on to the weight equipment. He was already dripping with sweat by the time Josh was ready for him.

The PT chuckled when he saw John. "I don't know why you still need me, Colonel. You seem perfectly capable of doing this all by yourself."

John scowled, "The problem is the legs aren't doing what they're supposed to yet, especially this damned right leg."

Josh moved closer to John and said, "Then let's get working on it!"

The next hour and a half Josh pushed John incredibly hard, or maybe John pushed himself and gave Josh all the credit. Either way, John was feeling a little steadier on his feet. Part of it might have been due to the sturdy knee brace Josh had suggested and provided for him.

At noontime he grabbed a sandwich and spent an hour with Dr. Lambert. He still hated the idea of therapy but was starting to realize that vocalizing his thoughts and fears sometimes helped put things in perspective.

But the great thing for John was that Lambert had no outside connection to him in any way. He had no connection to Dave, no obligation to the Military or so he said, and no personal knowledge of anyone on Atlantis. John felt safe talking to him, knowing the only place he'd ever see this guy was here at rehab.

That was one of the reasons he'd never spent any time with the therapist in Atlantis. First, back then he would have shot himself in the head before spilling his guts to someone else. Second, he hated the idea of someone walking around the city with intimate knowledge of his mind, analyzing everything he said or did.

He didn't have to worry about that with Lambert. The man never pushed John to talk about anything he didn't want to talk about. And the less he pushed, the more John was willing to give.

They spent most of this session with John regaling the doctor with the tales of how he'd spent his fortieth birthday in jail. Lambert of course looked for underlying reasons but John knew that sometime stuff just happens. Lambert laughed and had to reluctantly agree.

After an hour in the pool with Kristy and a very short stint in the Jacuzzi, John made his way outside, as always with Lisa accompanying him. She said she felt like she was at least earning a little bit of her pay.

When the Volvo pulled up at the curb, Teyla got out, a huge smile beaming across her face. "John! We had a wonderful day today! Julia said our trip was a great success."

"I'm glad!" John replied then peeked in the back at the amount of bags and boxes stacked there.

His eyes grew wide and his faced twisted. "Holy cow! D'you leave anything left in the stores?"

Julia got out and leaned on top of the car to look across at John. "Yes, we did," she snapped back sarcastically.

John looked in the back again and said, "I couldn't possibly have given you enough money for all that, unless most of it's yours, Julia."

"Some of it's mine but you don't have to worry about the money."

John was about to argue again when Julia bubbled, "Hi Lisa! How are you today? How are the boys? Ready for summer vacation?"

"They're great, thanks, Julia."

Teyla took her eyes off John long enough to greet the woman. "It is lovely to see you again, Lisa. Thank you for the faithful care you have provided for John."

Lisa nodded, "It's nice to see you again, too, Teyla. And it's always a pleasure working with the Colonel. I know he's been looking forward to your visit for a while. He misses you."

"Stop!" John snorted and made a face. "You're gonna make her think she's special or something."

Lisa was taken aback at this statement until she saw the mischievous looks in both Sheppard's and Teyla's eyes. Julia just shook her head with a laugh and got back in the car. Teyla opened the back door for John and said goodbye to Lisa.

"I will be here tomorrow. Perhaps you could point out this _pleasant_ Colonel that you work with. I would be most interested in meeting him."

John tried to hide his laughter as he closed the door behind him. Teyla took a deep breath and managed to quell her chuckle but a smile still popped onto her face.

Teyla bowed her head once more and Lisa softly suggested, "Enjoy him while you're here."

Teyla closed the car door and looked out the window. "I shall."

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xoxoxoxo xooxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxoxo

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Dave walked into the kitchen to see Josie and Julia staring out the slider window.

"What's so interesting out there?"

Josie just smiled and moved to the sink but Dave could see her eyes flick in the direction of the window in front of her. Julia reached for his hand and gave him a quick kiss.

"John and Teyla have been out there sparring for almost forty minutes now. It's the most amazing thing I've ever seen. If it weren't for the fact that they're hitting each other with sticks, I'd say it's beautiful."

Dave's eyes followed hers and watched as the two people out on the grass moved in perfect rhythm with each other.

He gave a little chuckle and when Julia eyed him, offered, "John made a comment about Teyla's sparring outfit one time. I don't think he meant to say it out loud."

"What did he say?"

"He said it was so worth getting his ass kicked to see her all hot and sweaty in that thing." He chuckled again and said, "I can see why."

Julia elbowed him in the mid-section and commented, "You'd better not be seeing too much, sweetheart."

He pulled Julia into his arms and nuzzled her neck as he continued to watch.

"What's John got on his leg?" Dave asked as he noticed a band of black poking out of the cargo shorts his brother had on.

"Josh gave him a knee brace to wear. John seems to think it helps somewhat. He does appear a little sturdier on his feet, although he's still spent a good deal of the sparring time on his back."

She had barely spoken the words when they saw John start to fall. Teyla moved toward him but their legs somehow got tangled and they both ended up going down.

Dave held his breath for a moment wondering if they were okay. He saw John push himself up on his elbows and look down at Teyla who had cushioned his fall. From here, Dave couldn't exactly tell what was going on but neither one of them was making any move to get up.

He started to wonder if one of them was injured when he saw John's head lower again, this time to align his lips perfectly with Teyla's.

A slow smile formed on Dave's face as he whispered, "Priorities."

.

.

John braced for impact a second before he touched the ground. He'd put out his hands to try and keep all his weight from landing on Teyla. He wasn't sure how successful he'd been. He pushed himself up on his elbows and shook his head to clear it.

Teyla was lying under him, her hands by her head, her hair spread out around her. His breath stopped for a moment, frozen by the impact of her beauty. Her eyes drifted up to his and he could see her pupils dilate and her chest rise when they registered his proximity. He was lost in those eyes and knew of only one remedy to help him find his way.

.

Teyla opened her eyes as John's weight eased slightly from her chest. Her concern for his well being died in her throat when she saw the intense green gaze consuming her. He made no effort to lift his weight any further off her but she had no complaints. Her skin tingled with awareness and pleasure where _his_ met _hers_.

She looked deeply into his eyes hoping to hold them and communicate her needs and desires, knowing from experience he was more likely to apologize and move quickly away. Physical closeness was not something John Sheppard felt comfortable with. Or at least he hadn't before his injury. Teyla had seen much change in him since he had been here on Earth.

John's breaths were shaky but his eyes never left hers. As they moved closer, Teyla's gaze moved to John's well formed lips that continued to descend until they were but a whisper away from hers. Their breaths mingled playfully and her lips parted unknowingly. As those soft lips lightly touched hers, Teyla's eyes fluttered closed.

They opened again when they felt the presence of his lips move away. Her tongue peaked out to wet the spot he'd just vacated. She saw John's tongue mimic hers then lower and skim across her bottom lip. Her own breath grew ragged as sensations and longings grew within her.

John's tongue continued its path onto her upper lip, slowly in a sweet agony of pleasure. His tongue disappeared and he closed his lips over hers, opening them again and closing them softly in rhythm. Teyla found her lips moving in the same pattern, seeking his out whenever they retreated slightly.

John continued to gently skim his lips over hers like a soft summer breeze. When his lips stopped moving Teyla's eyes opened again to see desire radiating from his eyes. Her eyes widened in panic as she felt his body shift but her relief was immense when she felt his hands intertwining with hers. She held tightly to them, not wishing to break this bond that she felt beginning to grow between them.

She needn't have worried. John closed his eyes, inhaling deeply of her scent, then lowered his lips to hers once more. They danced along the outline of them then whispered back to the middle. A soft moan escaped from her throat and once again John's tongue darted out to trace her lips, this time venturing a bit further and sneaking in to tempt Teyla's to come out and play.

She squeezed John's hands as the tip of her tongue greeted his. They shyly made introductions and danced in a circle around each other until familiarity allowed for more ardent sport. Thrusts and parries were exchanged until John's lips closed firmly around hers and his breathing became even heavier.

His tongue withdrew and his lips ghosted away to float across her cheek. His nose tickled her ear, moved up her face, along her forehead then rested on _her_ nose, his forehead touching hers.

It took several moments before his breathing eased enough to exhale, "Teyla."

Teyla's breathing was as ragged as John's so she made no attempt to speak. She was not sure what she would say if she possessed the capability.

John lifted his head fractionally so he could see her face and gauge her reaction. He was hoping it was different than the startled expression she'd worn the first time. Relief flowed through him when he saw desire in her eyes and a tiny smile touch her lips.

He pushed against her hands and sat up, pulling her with him. Legs rearranged and crossed and with fingers still intertwined, they faced each other.

"I hope that was better than the first one we had," John whispered.

Teyla released one hand to caress his cheek. "I did not _dislike_ the first one," she confessed, "however, I believe … I hope … this one will result in more long term pleasure."

John's eyebrow rose at her revelation but he decided to stay focused on the present.

"You think we could make this a more regular thing?" he suggested. "More regular than once every four years."

"Perhaps," Teyla grinned impishly. "Would every _two_ years be acceptable?"

John groaned, "I was kind of hoping you would go for something just a little more frequent."

"_More _frequent?" Teyla teased. "I suppose it is possible." She pursed her lips and looked thoughtful. "I would be willing to compromise and accept every … hour?"

A huge grin split John's face. "I think I can live with that. Do we start as of now or can we make them retroactive?"

Teyla appeared confused. "Retroactive?"

John's face moved in close to hers. "It just means we make up for all the ones we've missed."

Teyla's eyes sparkled. "I think I would enjoy that, however …"

John looked suspicious. "However?"

"However," Teyla continued, "It would leave us no time for other things, like eating and sleeping."

John's hand moved up to brush Teyla's hair aside. "I think I could live with that."

His mouth found hers again and his hand slipped into her hair. Teyla reciprocated and pushed her hands into John's unruly locks.

When her lips were free again, she confessed, "I have long since desired to do this." Her hands moved to the top of his head where the cowlicks stood at attention. "It is much softer than I imagined."

John allowed her to slide her fingers through his hair while he occupied himself with gliding his fingers from her wrist to the shoulder. "You have the most amazing skin, you know that?" John complimented.

He could just sit here gazing at Teyla all day. He was still having a hard time believing that he'd just kissed the daylights out of her … and she seemed to like it. For so long he desired her from afar and had needed to keep a tighter control so no one else would ever guess how he felt about her.

Right here, right now, there were no consequences. His hand moved to her cheek again and he knew he would enjoy it as long as he could.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

Dave moved through the kitchen and noted that Julia was still standing at the glass door.

"You still watching them make out? That's called voyeurism, you know."

Julia looked in his direction and he noted the moisture in her eyes. He swiftly moved to her side and requested, "What's wrong?"

She patted his arm and reassured him, "Nothing's wrong. It's very right. And they stopped _making out_ a while ago."

Dave now noticed that John and Teyla were just sitting on the grass facing each other. "So why are you crying?"

"Just look at them," Julia insisted and slipped her arm through David's. "They've just been sitting there staring at each other for a while now. It's like they're totally unaware that the rest of the world even exists."

Dave still didn't understand why she'd had tears in her eyes but then there were a lot of things he figured he'd never understand about women.

Julia seemed to sense his confusion and continued, "Your brother has been miserable and depressed since he got here, okay not every second but much of the time. Looking at him now, knowing how much he cares about Teyla and knowing that she returns those feelings, I'm just so overwhelmed with relief and joy that he and Teyla are finally going to get what they want."

She looked up at her fiancé. "I've come to love John very much and he looks so sad most of the time. He does a great job trying to hide it but sometimes when he thinks no one is around … it's very obvious. And it breaks my heart."

David pulled Julia into his arms and concluded, "You are such a good woman and I am so lucky to have you!"

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

"Hmm," Lisa mumbled as she took the Colonel's pulse first thing in the morning. He and Teyla had arrived a few minutes ago and he'd plunked himself on her desk like he always did while Teyla meandered slowly behind him, her eyes alight with wonder.

Taking his vitals always seemed a waste of time since they never changed much, not in the last few months anyway. But today his pulse was a bit faster than normal. Probably nothing to worry about, maybe he'd just walked in quicker today trying to appear faster for Teyla. His blood pressure was within normal limits but she decided to listen to his heart and lungs just to be sure. With the stethoscope on his chest she noted that his heart rate was still slightly elevated.

"Everything okay?" John asked curiously as Lisa very rarely listened to his chest before he started his workout.

At John's words, Teyla came over, concern in her eyes and put her hand on John's arm. At this touch, Lisa heard the Colonel's lungs take in a huge amount of air and his heart's rhythm pick up the pace even more. She saw the Colonel's eyes intently studying the woman at his side and she gave a little chuckle.

She moved the stethoscope and reported, "I think everything's working just the way it's supposed to."

"Good," John said, jumped off the desk and hobbled over to the large mat to start stretching. Lisa joined him while Teyla wandered around the large room observing the many physical therapies that were in progress.

As John finished his first set of sit-ups he looked at Lisa who was near his feet and asked, "What is Josh doing over there?"

Lisa looked over at the handsome physical therapist who was engaged in a flirtatious conversation with Teyla while helping an elderly man in a walker. Teyla's eyes lit up and her sweet laughter drifted across the room.

"Push-ups next, Colonel?" Lisa questioned.

John rolled over and pumped out fifty but his eyes never left Teyla.

"They're just talking, Colonel. You have nothing to worry about," Lisa assured him but when she looked up Josh was leaning in toward Teyla and putting his hand on her very muscular arm in appreciation. She saw the Colonel's eyes grow dark with jealousy and his jaw tighten.

John got up off the mat and moved over to the treadmill. He hated the fact that he was still relying too much on the cane so he spent much of his extra time on this machine. It had rails on the side to hold and he was trying desperately not to need them. Today his tight grip on them was an indication of his attempt at control.

He liked Josh and the man had been essential in getting John back on his feet again but right now he felt like knocking the guy _off _his. The conversation he appeared to be having with Teyla was in regard to working out and muscles. He knew Josh was proud of his six-pack abs but unfortunately he seemed to be admiring Teyla's as well.

He should never have let her come here in the snug baby blue tank top and stretchy, white slim fitting capris. Julia had apparently told her it was perfect for a work-out atmosphere.

"Let me check what Josh has planned for you today, Colonel, so I know if I need to get anything ready."

John acknowledged her and she crossed the room toward Josh and Teyla.

"Thank you for the information. I will remember it the next time I work out," Teyla was saying to him.

"Anytime," Josh responded. "And remember I'm more than happy to get you into my gym this week. I get off work at five and usually spend a few hours there. Then I go to this great little night club sometimes. You'd love it!"

Teyla just smiled and looked at Lisa. "Teyla, I see you've met Josh. He works with the Colonel a few times each day."

"Yes," Teyla replied. "I think I will go see if he needs any water. He has been working hard for some time."

Teyla left and Lisa rounded on Josh. "Do you know who you were hitting on?"

"What? Who?" Josh looked startled. "She said she was here observing this week."

He watched her walk over to the treadmill and saw Sheppard give her a big grin.

"She's here this week visiting Colonel Sheppard." Lisa informed him.

Light dawned and Josh sputtered, "She's the Colonel's … Oh my God! I practically propositioned her."

Lisa laughed, "No practically about it, Josh. And I'd be surprised if the man didn't crack a few teeth while you were over here comparing muscles."

"He saw that, huh?" Josh groaned.

"Yes, and just so you know, he broke a man's hand Saturday night for putting it on Teyla."

Josh's eyes popped with fear and he flexed his hand, the one that had been on Teyla's arm.

Lisa decided to stop teasing him and let him get back to work. "I think he'll go easy on you since you've been helping him get better. This time! But honestly, Josh, you might want to tone down the _charming_ on this one."

Josh watched as Sheppard took a swig from a water bottle, handed it back to the woman then reached down and planted a tiny kiss on her upturned lips.

"At least now I know why he's pushing himself so hard to recover," Josh commented. "If I had that waiting for me, I'd do everything I could to get better, too."

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxo

.

"This is a lovely location," Teyla said as they finished off sandwiches on a bench near the pond. "Do you eat your lunch everyday down here?"

"No," John replied. "I usually eat in the rec room or out on the patio if it's really nice out. Sometimes I eat my lunch with Dr. Lambert. I figure if my mouth is full he won't expect me to say as much."

"Dr. Lambert?" Teyla inquired.

John sighed. "He's my therapist."

Teyla looked confused. "Are not many of these people therapists?"

John realized the confusion and clarified, "Yeah. Lambert is a psychologist. I have to talk to him a few times a week to prove to him I'm not nuts."

A twinkle shone in Teyla's eyes. "Is this possible for you?"

Teyla moved away as John grabbed for her. He managed to hook her around the waist and pull her back into his lap.

"You know if I could walk properly, I'd dump you in that pond."

John released her slightly to sit close to him on the bench but he kept his arms around her and her legs up in his lap.

"But I am not a good swimmer so then you would be required to come rescue me."

John chuckled and moved his head closer to hers. "I think we're due some more kisses, to cover the last few hours, you know."

"I believe you are correct," Teyla replied and her hand moved up to John's neck as _his _slid into her hair. Their lips touched and skimmed over each other and danced to a music only they could hear.

The sound of voices up by the building gave them cognizance of where they were so they broke apart but only retreated a few inches.

"So what do you and this Dr. Lambert converse about?"

John pursed his lips and said, "We talk about a lot of stuff. I only did it at first because Landry and O'Neill ordered me to; my little break down you know."

John looked thoughtful for a second. "But I hate to admit, sometimes it's nice getting stuff off my chest, you know just venting some steam. And he's a third party so none of it involves him. And I know he'll never tell anyone, or at least that's what he says."

"I am glad you have someone to speak with while you are here."

"I probably could have used him a few hours ago when you and Josh were comparing your _toned_ body parts. I'll admit the desire to wring his very muscled neck until his head popped off was very strong." He gave a crooked grin. "But, I controlled the urge."

"I am pleased that you did. I believe that would have resulted in a very large mess. They may not have allowed you to return."

John played with her hair, brushing it back from her face, putting it behind her ear then releasing it again. "Probably not," he agreed.

"So I guess I should not tell you that Josh invited me to 'work-out' with him at his gym and then go to what he called a … nightclub."

John's eyes turned dark and his body stiffened but before he could say anything Teyla put her hands on John's cheeks, ran them down his neck then over his shoulders to rest on his chest.

"You know this is a fascinating side of you, John."

John's anger evaporated into confusion.

"You are jealous!" Teyla stated smugly.

John started to deny it but froze. The truth was he was jealous, very jealous. And not necessarily because Josh was showing off his muscles or admiring Teyla's. This jealousy stemmed from the fact that he had no legitimated claim on her and someone else had every right to horn in on what he wanted.

This was the really scary part; actually making his intentions clear. But he knew he had to do it. Last time he'd waited too long and Kanaan had moved in. He didn't want anything like that to happen again.

"Teyla," John began putting his hands over where hers rested. "One thing Lambert's been trying to get across to me is that I can't just assume everyone knows how I feel about something. And I can't just assume how others are feeling. So…"

John paused and Teyla rubbed her thumbs back and forth in a comforting manner.

John closed his eyes and grimaced. "I'm really _terrible_ at this kind of thing. But … I can't lose you again. It'd kill me. So … I want you to know … that I … want you in my life … as _more_ than just a friend and teammate."

John took another deep breath and continued, "I know I have no right to ask you to wait around until I get back to Atlantis but I was hoping … maybe you would … wait for me."

John's eyes were so uncertain Teyla wanted to cry. She tilted her head. "I have been waiting for you, John, for a very long time. Far longer than you realize."

The uncertainty in John's eyes changed to hope and then to gratitude. His lips curled up. "I was hoping you'd say something like that."

He glanced at his watch. "Is it time for me to kiss you again?"

Teyla shook her head. "No, it is time for _me_ to kiss _you_."

John's eyes lit up. "I think I like that even better."

John's arms pulled her in closer and Teyla pulled his head down to meet hers. Her lips skimmed over his in an imitation of yesterday. John had no objection as long as she was in his arms.

When they pulled apart for air, John said, "I wish I could go back to Atlantis with you now."

"As do I," Teyla agreed. "But I will be back in six weeks time and I am confident you will be much improved by then; perhaps enough to truly come home."

A thought came into John's head. "What if I'm not quite ready to come back? Will you still bring T.J.?"

Teyla nodded. "Yes, I will. But I was truthful when I said I would perhaps need to leave him here. And perhaps follow your suggestion of staying with him."

John reached down and kissed her nose. "I'd like that very much. But … let's hope I'll be ready by then."

He touched his lips to hers and whispered in between kisses, "A few … more … of these … could … motivate me … quite … a bit."

Teyla's eyebrow rose and she promised, "I will see what I can do."

Their lips met again and sang and rejoiced at being together. John was so high he almost felt like he was flying. A slight coughing sound sometime later brought him back to Earth.

He tore his lips from Teyla's and looked up to see a chagrined Lisa saying, "I _really_ hate to interrupt but you're already five minutes late for Josh."

John looked down at his watch and noted the hour. "Sorry," he gulped. "I guess we lost track of time."

Teyla had put her feet on the ground as soon as she realized Lisa was standing there and now was trying to finger comb her hair into place.

John stilled her hand with his and said, "You look amazing!"

Teyla rolled her eyes and made a face as they began climbing the path back to the building. When they got inside Teyla announced she needed to freshen up first. There were several people in the vicinity but John had lost all ability to care.

He lowered his head and pressed his lips to hers one more time. "Motivation," he confirmed and went off to see Josh.

Teyla stood still, almost swaying but Lisa just chuckled. "I wouldn't even attempt a pulse rate right now."

Teyla looked confused so Lisa explained about John's pulse rate this morning. "And when you touched his arm, his heart beat even faster. I can't imagine what it was doing during those kisses I interrupted."

Teyla's cheeks reddened and she stammered, "I am … we did not …"

"It's okay," Lisa broke in. "I know you're only here for a short time. You have to take advantage of every second."

Teyla nodded shyly and Lisa continued mischievously, "Just don't get too hot and heavy in the therapy rooms. We have some older patients with heart conditions."

Teyla grinned, "We will try to control ourselves."

.

.

John pushed himself as hard as ever and felt very satisfied that he seemed to have a little better balance. He was still using the cane, obviously, but it seemed as if he wasn't leaning as heavily on it. Or maybe it was just that with Teyla there he felt as if his feet weren't even touching the ground.

When John went to inform Tammy he was skipping massage that afternoon, Josh caught up with Teyla and quickly apologized.

"I'm sorry I came on kind of strong earlier. I had no idea that you and Colonel Sheppard …"

Teyla waved him off. "There was no harm done, although I do admit there could have been. John confessed he felt the urge to inflict great harm upon you."

Teyla's eyes looked up in remembrance. "I believe his words were 'wring your neck until your head popped off'. You do not need to worry, though. I do not believe John would actually do that. To you anyway."

Josh looked only vaguely relieved and when he saw the Colonel heading back in their direction, he quickly said goodbye and slipped back into the therapy room.

As he watched the couple leave the building he silently hoped Teyla was right. He really liked Colonel Sheppard. The man worked harder and had more stamina than anyone he'd met, and that included the muscle heads he worked out with at the gym. He knew he was far bigger and more muscular than Sheppard but from the short conversations he'd had with the man and the variety of scars he had on his body, he knew Sheppard had seen more than his share of violence and combat. So even though Sheppard was more lean muscle, he also had experience and determination.

So if the man ever truly entertained thoughts of popping his head off, Josh thought he just might be able to do it.

.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

"I swear David Sheppard, if you bring so much as one business report or proposal on our honeymoon, you will be sleeping on the floor," Julia promised as she stood in the doorway of his home office where he was thumbing through a stack of papers.

"I'm just reading all the notes John wrote on these. Don't worry; I've got other things planned for our honeymoon." David's eyes sparkled with desire.

Julia's arms crossed in front of her. "Why are you making John spend so much time on these reports? He doesn't work for you."

"He should be in there," her head indicated the doorway across the hall into the den, "entertaining his guest."

David stood up and joined her in the office doorway. "He _**is**_ in there entertaining his guest," he pointed out where John and Teyla were watching a movie.

"He is _now_," Julia admitted. "But this afternoon he spent way too much time going over all _those_, jotting down comments for you."

David wrapped his arms around her from behind and put his mouth to her ear. "I told him he didn't have to."

Julia peeked at her fiancée. "You know he feels guilty about staying here and bothering us and especially how much it costs for his rehab. Of course he's going to do it. My point is, David, you need to stop bringing this stuff home and putting it where he can find it."

She looked across the hall into the den. "That's what he should be doing every minute Teyla is here."

John was sitting on the floor leaning against the couch and Teyla was right behind him. Julia noticed she'd changed into the pastel wrap-around skirt they'd gotten yesterday while shopping. She had one leg tucked up under her and the other hanging over the edge. John had it draped over his shoulder and was massaging her foot. Teyla was holding a large, half-eaten bowl of popcorn and was feeding a few pieces to John every minute or so.

"He seems pretty happy, doesn't he?" Julia commented to David who was still standing behind her.

"Yeah," David agreed. "It's nice to see. I think they may have finally figured it out."

Julia looked puzzled. "Figured what out?"

"How they feel about each other," David said then added, "That they should be together. John's a little slow with these things. Sometimes it takes a while."

Julia's eyes narrowed. "Except _he'_s already been married once."

David smirked. "Yes, but I was taking my time with a _purpose_. You see I was waiting for the _right_ one to come along."

Julia turned in his arms. "You know, sometimes you do say just the right thing." She lifted her arms up and around his neck and pushed her hands into the back of his hair.

"Is there a reward for that?" David wondered out loud and lowered his head to touch his lips to hers.

"Mmm," Julia purred and walked him back a few steps until the back of his legs touched his desk chair and he plopped down into it. Julia leaned over him with her hands on his shoulders.

"There _could_ be a reward," she said and settled herself in his lap. Her lips hovered over his, teasing them and David's hands grabbed her waist and pulled her as close as he could. As their lips skated over each other, Julia's hands moved to the buttons on his shirt.

She had barely gotten the first one undone when they heard Teyla's concerned cry of "John!"

Julia pushed herself off David's lap and they both skittered apprehensively into the den. They found Teyla kneeling in front of John who had his head thrown back against the couch; his eyes squeezed shut, his jaw clenched and his hands fisted by his side.

Teyla looked up when they entered, her eyes filled with fear. "He is in much pain," Teyla sobbed. "It happened very suddenly."

Dave ran to John and asked, "Back spasm?"

John managed to give a small nod but just barely. Teyla's eyes were panicked. "This has happened before? How do we help him?"

Julia ran and opened the slider. "Too many times unfortunately."

Dave carefully grasped John under the arms and ordered, "Get his legs! The quickest relief are the jets in the Jacuzzi. We need to get him out there."

Teyla lifted his legs and the two carried John, who was breathing heavily, out toward the pool area. Julia had run ahead and put the Jacuzzi on then slipped back in the house.

"He needs the jets aimed right at his back. Get his shirt and pants off."

They quickly stripped him to his boxers and lowered him into the hot tub. Teyla thought he did not look any better.

"It takes a little while and the medicine will help." Julia appeared again. "It usually takes twenty to twenty-five minutes for these to start working and we've found the jets take the edge off until they do."

Dave nodded, "And someone needs to sit with him so he doesn't just slide under the water."

Teyla immediately volunteered. "I will," and she noticed John's body already start to sink.

"I think it will be easier if I am in there with him," she claimed and untied her skirt and lowered herself into the bubbles next to John. Julia handed her several pills and a water bottle. Teyla coaxed John to open his mouth and tipped the bottle to his lips so he could swallow the pills.

"We can sit here, too, if you want," Julia offered but Teyla shook her head.

"If I am to just keep his head above water then I think I can manage. You both have done this often it appears so now it is my turn."

Dave looked apprehensive but agreed. "Okay, but that button behind you turns on the intercom so if you need anything, press it and we'll hear you."

Teyla bowed her head in acknowledgement and Dave and Julia reluctantly went back to the house. Teyla sat next to John trying to keep him from sliding too deep into the water. Several minutes later, Julia deposited some fluffy towels near them and offered to stay again.

John took in a deep breath and managed to groan, "Fine!"

Teyla and Julia looked at each other and rolled their eyes. Teyla smiled her thanks and Julia departed again. Teyla felt helpless as she watched John's tense face and clenched jaw and heard his breath exhale in short pants.

After the third time of John slipping into the water, Teyla decided she needed to hold him more firmly. Grasping one side of him was just not working. She faced him, planted her knees on the bench on either side of his legs and sat on his lap. She placed her hands on his shoulders and lightly massaged hoping to ease some of the pain she saw etched on his face.

His eyes opened briefly when he felt her near him and his hands moved to her legs, gripping tightly.

"Is this position causing you more pain?" Teyla asked worried.

John's lips thinned but he gave his head shake. "No … it's … no!"

Teyla continued to run her hands over his shoulders and neck in a small attempt at relief. She could tell when the drugs started taking effect. John's fingers loosened and were no longer digging into her thighs. His facial muscles started to relax and his eyes finally opened.

Teyla could feel his thumbs moving back and forth along her inner thigh and see the start of a smirk appear on his face.

"John, are you beginning to feel better?" Teyla questioned.

Another twinge crossed his face but then it relaxed again. "Drugs are starting to kick in," John nodded.

"I am pleased. Is there anything you wish me to do?"

_Stay right where you are_, John thought as he got a good look at Teyla. She was lit only by the outside lights but they were enough. Her presence in his lap was doing a wonderful job of distracting his mind from the pain radiating down his back.

"Still won't be able to move for a while until the spasms stop. The drugs are only easing the pain for now not doing anything for the muscles cramping up. The muscle relaxants take a bit longer to start working. The Jacuzzi usually helps out until then."

Teyla smiled at him. "Then we will stay here until you are able to move again. Do you wish for me to change my position?"

John's hands slid to her waist and held on tight. "No, you're more than fine!" His grin reappeared. "I kind of like you there; keeps my mind off my back."

He wasn't kidding when he said that. It had been distracting enough when he'd felt her thighs straddling his. Now that he could open his eyes, he was staring at his own personal wet t-shirt contest. Teyla's lightweight tank top was plastered to her every curve leaving nothing to the imagination.

His hands itched to explore the fabric and what was in it but the twinges in his back had still not completely abated. He wanted to fully enjoy it when he finally got to explore that particular asset of Teyla's. For now, he let his _eyes_ explore.

But his hands were still itchy so he moved them to her hips and thighs then back up to her waist. He was surprised at how tiny she was; his hands could almost span her entire mid-section. Yet this miniscule package could deliver one hell of a punch. He'd seen it when they sparred and when she was fighting an enemy. It still amazed him.

His thumbs started to move of their own accord. They stroked up and down across her skin and one even bravely circled her naval exploring the desirable crevice. Teyla sucked in a huge breath at this intrusion but did not object.

Her hands on John's shoulders softened from a massage to a caress. They moved lower to John's chest and ran through the smattering of hair. Her breathing grew heavier and she realized that John's breathing had changed rhythm from his earlier pained breathing.

She looked up and found his eyes glued to her face. The desire in them astounded her but she knew her gaze must match his. Their hands continued to move over the other and when John's moved up under her top, Teyla's body jerked slightly. This brought her face in closer proximity to his and, screw the pain in his back, he sat up straighter and captured her lips with his. Teyla's lips clung to his like a drowning man to a lifeline and her arms wrapped around his neck.

One hand found its way into his hair and her chest nestled against his. John's hands tightened around here ribcage and drew her body as close to his as he could. His lips caressed hers and his tongue darted between them. Hers greeted his and stroked and danced in rhythm.

John slid one hand up and down her spine while the other continued to slide up her ribcage until it encountered soft curves. His thumb explored the sensuous mound and when it skimmed over the sensitive center, Teyla felt an explosion inside her.

A moan escaped her lips as her head fell back. John took advantage of Teyla's exposed neck and pressed his lips just below her ear. His tongue darted out and traced a path south to her shoulder, across her collarbone and back up to her other ear. His tongue continued to explore her neck and when it returned again to her ear, his lips and teeth started nibbling on her earlobe while his thumb continued its stroking rhythm.

Teyla moved abruptly and captured John's lips again, plunging inside. John joined in the raid, his arms imprisoning her against him. Teyla's bottom in his lap began to glide side to side, crushing her pelvis deep against his.

John completely forgot about the pain in his back as a new ache arose in front and further south. His hands moved back to Teyla's hips and thighs, his new ache screaming for attention. He felt the thin little strings of Teyla's underwear and knew it would take very little to break them and gain the access his body was crying for.

But as his fingers thumbed the light material, an alarming thought crossed his mind. Many of his muscles, especially in his lower extremities, were still not fully functioning. What it …? From the sensations he was feeling he knew things were currently working but what if, like the knee that kept buckling on him, things just gave out halfway through?

God! That would be the end. He'd never be able to face Teyla again, and he wanted to, desperately. He tore his mouth from hers, took a deep breath and pulled her in close. His head buried itself in her shoulder as he attempted to get his breathing under control.

Teyla immediately felt the change in John. Her heart raced in fear. "John, are you all right?" she rasped in his ear as her arms held him tight, also.

His head nodded slightly and he panted, "I'm sorry Teyla, I, uh … shouldn't have let this go so far."

Teyla tried to back away but John's arms held tight. "Do you not desire me?" Teyla asked in confusion for she had felt the effects of John's passion.

This time John did allow Teyla to ease back a bit and he cupped his hands to the sides of her face, his a mere whisper away from hers.

"I think you know I desire you; more than anything, Teyla. I just think we're moving a little too fast." His breathing was still nowhere under control. "When we … finally … give ourselves to each other …I want it to be absolutely perfect. I hope you understand."

John touched his lips briefly to hers. "I've wanted to do this for an awful long time." He grinned. "Pretty much since the moment I met you."

His hand pushed aside a lock of hair from her temple. "I want to savor every incredibly gorgeous inch of you. I can't do that right now, here."

His eyes begged for understanding and when Teyla's hand raised to caress his cheek and a smile grew on her face he knew he had it.

"You are the most noble man I have ever met, John Sheppard," Teyla uttered softly. "It is one of the qualities I love so much about you."

John's eyes closed as a sigh escaped his lips. A moment later his eyes opened and a grin appeared. "Any _other_ qualities you like?"

Teyla chuckled and dropped her head onto his shoulder. They held each other close until their breathing was almost back to normal. Teyla's head lifted and her hand moved to John's dog tags.

"I _will _admit to a fascination with the amount of hair on your arms and chest." Her fingers moved through the soft fur and followed it down the middle of his chest and lower.

John seized her hands and chastised, "Teyla!"

He then noticed her fingers had started pruning up from so long in the water. "I think it's time to get out. I can probably make it up to the house."

Teyla nodded and moved off John to stand up and assist him. John thought he was fine until he saw Teyla stand, her top like a second skin and only a scrap of fabric encasing her bottom. The groan that erupted from his throat had Teyla reaching for him swiftly.

He managed to stand on shaky legs and order, "Get a towel wrapped around you quick or that nobility you think I have, will be down the toilet."

Teyla did as asked and they made their way up to the house. Dave was waiting once they got there.

He took hold of John and instructed Teyla, "You go dry off. I'll get _him_ dry and in bed."

Dressed in her pajamas a few minutes later, Teyla entered John's room. He was in bed, the covers up to his waist. His hair was still damp and sticking up in all directions and Teyla smiled at the sight of him.

John misinterpreted her look and touched his t-shirt defending, "What? I like my panda!"

"As do I." Teyla responded then moved to sit near him on the bed. "How is your back?"

"Much better, though I know it'll be stiff tomorrow."

"Perhaps Josh will go easy on you in reparation for his misjudgment today."

John smiled lazily and moved his hand toward her waist. "You like to tease me with these, don't you?"

Teyla looked innocently back at him. "They are the only pair I brought with me. Perhaps Julia and I should go shopping again for something else to wear at night."

John's finger flicked at the bow tormenting him. "You know I never did get to open my birthday present."

Teyla's eyes twinkled and her lips twitched. "Were you not the one who wished to … take things slow? If you opened _this_ gift I am afraid _slow _is not the word to describe what may happen."

John pouted and flicked at the bow again. "The meds are really starting to take effect; I could just open it and look, right?" His eyes took on an innocent expression. "I wouldn't have to use the gift right away."

Teyla humored him with an indulgent look. "If you wish."

John's hand grasped the cord and slowly, agonizingly pulled. He pushed the fabric aside and took a deep breath at the sight in front of him. His hand then reached for the inside bow that released the other half. His fingers grazed her rounded form as he pulled on the other tie.

When that came undone, John sighed, "You are so beautiful, Teyla."

The desire in John's eyes caused Teyla's breathing to grow deep and her chest to heave. Watching Teyla's chest rise and fall made John want to throw all his good intentions right out the window.

His hands settled on her trim waist as his eyes took their fill. John's hand moved and his knuckles grazed her stomach. Teyla closed her eyes, just feeling the sensation. His hand moved from side to side then up between her breasts. She held her breath waiting for it to touch one or the other but John's hand spread out flat and caressed a path straight down the middle where it rested at her waist again.

Teyla opened her eyes expecting to see the hand start to caress her again but it stayed still. Looking toward John she saw that his eyes were closed and his breathing even and rhythmic. The medication had taken effect; he was asleep.

She let out a soft chuckle and shook her head. She picked up his hand and placed it on her bare chest directly above her heart. She then moved her free hand to rest on John's chest in the exact location. She could feel his heart beating and knew that hers beat in sync with his.

After a few moments she refastened her top and kissed John softly on his full lips. "Good night, John. Have pleasant dreams. I am quite sure I will," and she headed to her own room.

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"Good morning, Teyla!" Julia greeted from the kitchen table. "There's some hot water on the stove for tea if you'd like some."

Teyla's face lit up. "Good morning, Julia, you are always so thoughtful. Thank you, I would love some."

Teyla helped herself to tea and sat across from Julia. Teyla was really feeling comfortable with Julia. During their first visit she had spent some time with the woman and felt a bond start. While she was back on Atlantis, they had actually exchanged frequent e-mails, mostly chatting about John and his recovery.

This most recent visit had brought them even closer. Teyla enjoyed Julia's company and the woman truly loved John which made her opinion of Julia rise even more. They had engaged in many conversations, some bordering on personal and Teyla felt she could trust and confide in her. It was a nice feeling.

"Have you seen John yet this morning?" Teyla asked. "I am hoping he is better."

Julia nodded. "He grabbed a cup of coffee and went to take a shower. He may be in there for a while. Last time this happened he spent over twenty minutes with the warm spray on his back. I think it helps loosen up the muscles.

Teyla's expression still held concern so Julia added, "Tammy will get him right again. A good massage usually helps."

Teyla tilted her head. "Perhaps I should ask this Tammy to show me some of her techniques. It would be useful if this were to happen again."

Julia got a glint in her eyes. "I think John would enjoy a massage from you, although I'm not sure how relaxing it would be. The _hot tub_ is usually relaxing but I'm not sure you two_ relaxed_ in that last night either."

Teyla's face flushed and her eyes grew embarrassed. "How …?"

"David went down to check on you." Her eyebrows rose. "He said you were sitting in John's lap playing tonsil hockey."

Teyla appeared confused. "I do not know what this … tonsil hockey is." Her eyes got wider and she defended, "And I was sitting in John's lap to keep him from sinking under the water. It was the most efficient way."

"Teyla," Julia said calmly. "You don't have to defend yourself to me. Anyone with eyes can see you and John belong together. Don't be ashamed to admit the man makes you drool."

She leaned her head closer to Teyla and confided, "David can get me all hot and bothered with just a look. And sometimes he doesn't even realize he's doing it."

Teyla nodded. "I will admit that I was quite bothered by the proximity of John last night in the hot tub. He starts a fire burning deep within me that no man has ever done before. I truly wonder sometimes if I will survive when the time comes for us to …" Teyla stopped, her eyes panicky, as if she'd said too much.

Julia reached over, patted her hand and smiled. "So you haven't yet?"

"No," Teyla said, "Though I feel we could have burned out of control yesterday had John not reigned in his passion."

Julia looked perplexed so Teyla briefly explained, "John would like to take this slow. He desires our first time to be perfect. Yesterday he was still in much pain."

"What a romantic!" Julia observed.

"Yes," Teyla sighed. "But it is not always easy to put away one's desire so easily."

Julia chuckled. "Meaning you went to bed a little frustrated last night."

"But my dreams were _quite_ pleasurable," Teyla said and lifted her cup for another sip.

The women spoke for a few more minutes then John hobbled in the door, cane in hand. He moved behind Teyla, settling his hands on her shoulders. He leaned down and kissed her cheek as he addressed both women.

"Good morning!"

Teyla smiled up at him and returned the greeting. "How are you feeling this morning?"

John sat next to her and turned her body to face him. "I feel I'm desperately in need of a kiss."

Teyla looked scandalized. "John!" she said as she noted Julia's presence.

John acknowledged his future sister-in-law and said, "Hi Julia. You can leave or you can watch."

He turned back to Teyla and pulled her face close to his. His lips whispered across hers then nipped and nibbled on them.

"Okay, that might get me through the first hour."

Julia chuckled with amusement and John looked up at her asking, "How are we getting in this morning?"

"I can drive you," Julia offered. "David has a big meeting a few hours from here so he left already. Will you be ready to go in a half hour?"

They were and an hour later John was deep in exercise mode.

"You know he amazes me with how long he can keep at it," Lisa confided to Teyla as they watched John at one of the weight machines.

"Many times the soldiers of the base are called upon to test their endurance during long and difficult missions," Teyla explained. "John would not expect any of his men to succeed if he were not capable himself."

"I believe it," Lisa said.

Josh may have been a bit easier with John than normal but John continued to push _himself_ beyond normal limits. He happily limped in to see Tammy, undressed and plopped on her table. He mumbled a quick introduction to Teyla then gave a huge sigh as Tammy worked her magic.

He protested a bit when Teyla tattled on him regarding the previous night's muscle spasm incident but quickly quieted down when Tammy started giving Teyla tips on how to do some simple massage that would help in those cases.

By the end of their session Tammy was praising Teyla on picking up some of the techniques so quickly. John had to agree that Teyla's hands had done a fine job.

The two spent their lunchtime down on the bench in front of the pond again. Lisa and Helen managed to grab lunch at the same time out on the patio and had a convenient view of the pond.

"So the Colonel's enjoying Teyla's visit, I take it?" Helen remarked as she observed the two people mentioned sitting in close proximity.

"Yes," Lisa confirmed. "But you know, it's kind of funny. Most of the time they seem very comfortable with each other, joking and teasing. Then I'll catch one or both of them looking at the other and the sexual tension is so thick you can cut it with a knife."

Helen smiled. "Well when you only see each other once every few months or so I imagine the sexual tension might build up."

She watched for a few minutes and after a chorus of laughter from the objects of her gaze, she commented, "It's nice hearing heartfelt laughter from the Colonel and seeing him so happy."

"I agree," said Lisa. "I just wonder what he'll be like next Monday after Teyla and his other friends have gone back overseas." She shook her head. "He was really quiet and withdrawn the last time."

Helen just acknowledged her with a tilt of her head. "Any idea where they've been? Where Teyla's from?"

"No," Lisa replied. "All I know is that Teyla is from a village that has no power supply or running water. Looking at her I'd guess somewhere in Africa but that's a pretty big continent."

"Don't forget all the soldiers there and the big guns they carry," Helen reminded her. "So someplace where there's conflict."

The two women finished up their meal and sipped on a cup of coffee. Dr. Lambert took that moment to interrupt them.

"Ladies, I'm looking for Colonel Sheppard. His session with me was supposed to start a few minutes ago."

Helen pointed to the bench by the pond. "Down there. But I don't think they want to be disturbed."

Lambert saw the direction of her finger and saw Teyla and Sheppard sitting very close together.

"Mmm," Lisa mumbled, "I had to disturb them yesterday while they were," she rolled her eyes, "involved. I hated doing it but they were going to be late for PT."

Lambert looked at his watch. "Well, the Colonel's late for his session with me."

"But your job is to help him feel better emotionally, right?" Helen clarified.

At the doctor's nod she continued, "So do you think he'll feel better doing what he's doing or stopping and talking to you?"

Lambert chuckled at the obvious answer. "I guess he'll feel a whole lot better doing that," and he motioned to the two adults whose lips were glued together.

"You've made your point. So now I've got some time to kill, mind if I join you?"

"Not at all," they both answered and they all grinned when another bout of laughter came ringing up the hill from the direction of the pond.

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xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxxo


	16. Chapter 16

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"Are you sure you want to come, Teyla?" John asked as he finished knotting his tie. "It'll be pretty boring. You could just hang out by the pool. It's gonna be a beautiful day!"

The Evidentiary Hearing for the kidnapping case was this morning and John truthfully was not looking forward to it. As much as he wanted to see the guys who'd done that to him behind bars, he didn't relish having to relive the event.

And he really didn't want Teyla knowing all the little details of it either. He'd been able to fluff it off as a minor inconvenience to her but if she heard some of the evidence, she'd realize the extent of what had happened.

And today was for the guy who'd masterminded the whole thing, the Boss. The other peons had plea bargained for shorter sentences. But this guy somehow thought he could get away with what he'd done. John wondered what his angle was.

"I am very curious to see your judiciary system at work," she replied. "And you informed me this hearing would most likely only last for the morning hours. I will be able to enjoy the pool later."

She moved closer and fixed John's collar and smoothed his shirt. Her voice got low and sultry.

"I feel I would enjoy the pool quite a bit more if you were there as well."

Her hands lingered on either side of his tie and John's hands moved to her sides to pull her in closer.

"You present a very convincing argument." His head lowered and his lips covered hers. Teyla's arms moved up around his neck and she slid one hand into his hair. They stayed that way for a few minutes until they heard Julia and Dave moving toward them in conversation.

"And she's really stepped up to the plate," Julia was saying. "I have no qualms leaving the company in her hands while we're on our honeymoon."

As they approached John and Teyla, the two stepped out of their embrace looking sheepish as always. John may put up a rogue front but Julia knew he still felt uncomfortable with public displays of affection, even if they were right here in his home.

She looked at Teyla who was dressed a bit more conservatively than usual in a slim fitting lavender skirt and a deeper purple shell and sweater set. The outfit had come straight out of Julia's closet but Teyla had wanted to be dressed appropriately.

Dave chuckled and said to Julia, "Don't you have an outfit just like that?"

Julia swatted him away saying, "Let's get going."

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Nancy tucked herself in a corner of the courtroom once she'd checked in with the bailiff. She wasn't sure they would even need her testimony today but she had been legally required to be here. She would have felt more at ease if Grant had been able to come but his current trial had run an extra day and he wouldn't be back in Washington until tonight.

She watched as the courtroom filled up and sat up straighter when she saw David Sheppard and his fiancée walk in. David stopped and looked behind him and sure enough, there was John. Nancy's eyes widened and her heart felt lighter when she saw he was actually walking. He was leaning heavily on a cane but the wheelchair was gone.

As they entered further into the room, David moved aside and Nancy could see John was flanked by a petite, copper-skinned woman. John had his arm around her shoulder and seemed to be leaning on her slightly.

They walked to the seats behind the prosecutor and sat down. These were a few rows in front of her but near the center aisle. She had a perfect view. When they were seated Nancy all of a sudden realized where she had seen the woman before. She was the one in the pictures from Easter and David's office. She looked different in the tailored clothes and upswept hair, but this was Teyla!

This was the woman who had taken her place in John's heart. Though to be fair, she was the one who had left _him_. John hadn't wanted the divorce but he hadn't done anything to keep her from leaving either. He hadn't offered to change or leave his job or even beg her to stay because he couldn't live without her.

For months after she'd walked out on John, Nancy had hope that she would come home from work one day and John would be waiting there for her. He'd tell her he'd requested to stay stateside and was planning to leave the Military as soon as his time was served.

But that never happened. She'd learned he'd been sent overseas and stationed in Afghanistan. Any hope she'd still clung to that John loved _her_ more than his career had died.

Yet, _this_ woman elicited a very different reaction in her ex-husband. According to Colonel Carter, John, with no thought for himself, had dragged his seriously injured body out of the infirmary to personally go find this woman. Nancy figured there must have been dozens of soldiers who were perfectly capable of running the mission but John had blithely cast aside his career and possibly his life to ensure her safety and return.

Nancy tried not to dwell on the negative thought. She and Grant were happy. He travelled some but would always call and spend time chatting each night. She never had to worry that he'd be shot down by enemy aircraft and/or captured and tortured or killed.

Grant always shared with her the details of his cases. Not as much _during_ the case but _after_ he would tell her everything.

More people arrived in the courtroom and Nancy took note of all of them. She was trying not to focus on her ex-husband and his new love as they whispered quietly to each other. John's back was to her but when he looked at Teyla she could see part of his face. His arm rested on the back of her seat and his hand played with the wisps of hair at the nape of her neck.

Nancy noticed Teyla gazing at John, her face animated and sometimes puzzled as she, Nancy assumed, asked a question. John stiffened at one point his face turning toward two men who walked in and sat at the defense table. This must be the man behind John's kidnapping.

Teyla's head whipped around and glanced briefly at the man, then her concerned gaze slid back to John. Her hand lifted to stroke his face and Nancy watched as John lowered his head to touch his forehead to hers just for a brief moment.

She'd thought he was going to kiss the woman for a second then was confused when he didn't. Of course she would have been surprised if John _had_ kissed her as he'd always hating showing any kind of affection in public.

The bailiff announced for everyone to rise for the Honorable Judge Rhonda Amirault. The judge greeted everyone and announced this was a preliminary hearing. Counsel would show evidence and produce witnesses so she could decide if there was probable cause to continue with a trial.

The first witness called was David Sheppard. He gave a brief but tidy account of John being dragged into the van, the phone call and the live video feed and the rescue. The defense attorney got up, pointed out the blow David had gotten to the head, asked how upset David had been during the ordeal and essentially dismissed him as an unreliable witness.

He specifically asked if David had witnessed his client at any time even in the same room as Colonel John Sheppard. David described how the man had admitted to giving John sleeping pills to knock him out.

The Defense Attorney, whose name was Norton, countered with, "Is that _after _you assaulted him? My client was fearful of what you would do to him so he played along under duress."

He went on to describe the 10,000 square foot warehouse and suggested that his client had no knowledge of what was going on in other parts of the building.

Nancy cringed when she was called up next but her time on the stand was very short. She also described what she saw of the kidnapping but when asked if she had ever seen the defendant during that time, she had to answer no. She looked at John when she answered and received a slight tilt of his chin and a tiny smile. He was telling her it was okay.

Next the Prosecutor showed the video of the live feed during John's capture. When John ground out, 'Go to hell!' and 'Bite Me!' a loud gasp went through the audience. Nancy saw Teyla's hand grasp for John's arm at the resulting blows on the screen. She looked at him, said something and rolled her eyes. Teyla was obviously used to this type of disdainful bravado from John and was not impressed.

A voice expert was called up and testified that during preliminary tests the voice on the tape was very likely that of the defendant. Norton then got up, pointed out 'very likely' was not 'positive' and that no one had proved yet that the hand in the tape striking Colonel Sheppard twice, belonged to his client.

Detective Jenkins went on the stand next describing the evidence they had collected during the case. When Norton got up, he again tried to poke holes in all the evidence as circumstantial and implored the judge to dismiss the charges as no one had shown evidence that his client had been the kidnapper let alone assaulted the victim.

The Prosecutor claimed to have further testimony that would name the defendant as one of the attackers. Thus, John was called to the stand.

Teyla stood up to allow John to pass and when he did, Nancy saw Teyla's hand rub up and down John's arm in a gesture of comfort. It took John a couple of extra minutes to get up the few steps to the witness stand then the Prosecutor asked for John's account of the incident.

"I don't have anything to add to Dave's description of when they pulled up to grab me."

"You were fighting back pretty hard according to surveillance cameras," the Prosecutor pointed out, "yet you eventually allowed them to take you without further struggle. Why is that, Colonel?"

John looked distinctly uncomfortable and his gaze moved to Dave. "One of them had a gun to my brother's head and threatened to shoot him."

"I see. So you went along quietly after that."

John nodded then added, "Bastards still hurt him anyway."

"Tell us, Colonel, what happened in the van?"

John explained only briefly and Nancy could tell he was trying to downplay his heroics and the trauma. His eyes were focused in Teyla's direction and if John had been true to form, he probably hadn't told her all the dirty little details.

She could remember many times, too many to count, that John would come back from a mission and insist he was fine. Later, Nancy would find bruises all over him and notice he was holding himself very stiffly. Even with the black, blue and Technicolor evidence, he'd always tell her not to worry; there was nothing wrong with him. Apparently things hadn't changed. It seemed like now he was just trying to protect Teyla the way he had tried to protect her.

John continued to describe how he'd been dragged inside, tossed on the mattress and his subsequent attempts to escape.

Then Norton got up to cross examine John. "Colonel Sheppard, by your own admission you confess to receiving several blows to the head, is that correct?"

"Yes," John answered but looked apprehensive wondering where the attorney was going with this.

"So, in all likelihood, your memories of this event could be a bit confused?"

John sneered, "My memory is just fine, thank you."

The attorney paused then addressed John again, "You were held for approximately twenty hours. How much of that time do you recall actually seeing the defendant?"

John shrugged and replied, "Actually _seeing_ him? I was blindfolded most of the time, so maybe ten minutes."

"And you can be absolutely certain that after a head trauma and other physical abuse that the defendant is the one you saw during those ten minutes?"

"The man stuck a gun in my face telling me he had to kill me because I took the blindfold _off_. Then he shoved a handful of pills down my throat. Yeah, I'm absolutely certain!"

"I know you think you are, Colonel, but let's face it, you had a concussion, you were beat up, tied up, drugged and held against your will. This type of stuff can be very stressful to a person, cause confusion. Especially as it's not something people have happen often."

"Not you, maybe," John chimed in.

Norton looked startled for a second then questioned skeptically, "You've been kidnapped before? Really?"

"Captured, kidnapped, tied up, beat up, tortured, threatened, held for ransom or trade," John listed. "Yeah, I have."

Norton got a shrewd look in his eyes. "How often has this happened to you, Colonel?"

John shrugged. "I lost count. And before you go pulling the old 'he must be having a flashback, Post Traumatic Stress crap, your boy here and his hired thugs were just a small annoyance comparatively."

"Where and when did these other incidents take place?"

John's mouth formed a crooked grin. "You don't have Security Clearance for that kind of information."

Then he looked at the judge, "and it's completely irrelevant to this case. Look, Your Honor, I am one hundred percent certain this is the guy responsible. We can continue to sit through more of this boring crap, and believe me the Prosecutor has a shitload, or you can call it now. You're gonna have to listen to it all over again at the trial anyway. Unless you believe that this guy was just in the wrong place at the wrong time."

John smiled at the judge and Nancy almost laughed. She knew that smile. It was the one he always used to charm his way out of doing something that he didn't want to do. And it usually worked.

"I don't appreciate your swearing in my court," she stated then smiled back. "But you're right, Colonel Sheppard, I think there is more than enough evidence to support probable cause."

She made a few announcements and set a date for the trial to begin then dismissed everyone.

Nancy watched as David, Julia and Teyla moved to help John, who'd been chatting with the judge, down the steps. Nancy wondered if she should go and talk to him or if he would make the effort to at least say hi to her.

She stood up and noticed John look in her direction but before either one of them could do anything, the prosecutor came over diverting his attention. The man indicated they should move out of the room. John shifted his cane and pulled Teyla closer for support and headed for the door.

Nancy tried to ignore the disappointment that coursed through her but then notice John look back in her direction. He made eye contact, gave her a crooked grin and tilted his head in acknowledgement.

She smiled shyly back at him wondering how in the world she could still be so affected by the man. They hadn't been together in over ten years but he still made her feel like a schoolgirl with her first crush.

She waited for the room to clear then decided she'd get a cup of coffee before she started on the few errands she'd planned to do while she was here. The coffee shop was down the hall on this floor and she noticed it was fairly empty at the moment.

She paid for her coffee and the pastry she'd decided to splurge on and looked around for a seat. Most were available but she noticed one by the window occupied by Teyla. She debated whether to say anything to her or just leave well enough alone but curiosity got the better of her.

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Teyla removed her tea bag from the steaming brew and deposited it on the accompanying saucer. The hearing today had been interesting but very different than anything she'd ever seen. She was used to quick and simple justice at the end of a gun or sword. She could see, however, that both had their merits.

A soft 'hello' had her raising her head to find a lovely, dark-haired woman standing in front of her. She looked familiar and Teyla realized she had testified at the hearing today. She couldn't remember the woman's name.

"Hello," Teyla greeted. "You were at the hearing today. You witnessed John being abducted by his captors."

The woman just nodded and smiled uncertainly.

Teyla smiled back and said, "I am Teyla Emmagen. I am …"

"Yes, I know who you are." she broke in. "I'm Nancy, John's ex-wife."

So this was the woman Ronon had told her about. Teyla looked her over more thoroughly and knew Ronon had not been exaggerating when he'd said she was extremely attractive. But then John was an extremely attractive man and would surely draw the same to him. Teyla laughed inwardly at the thought that she had just called herself attractive as she and John were most certainly drawn to each other.

She was not sure why this woman had sought her out or what she knew of her relationship to John. She supposed there was one way to find out.

She held out her hand indicating the seat opposite and invited, "Would you care to join me?"

Nancy settled across from her with a thank you but looked somewhat apprehensive. Teyla took a sip from her cup and smiled patiently. Nancy did the same then looked up.

"I'm not really sure why I came over here. I wanted to wish John luck with the rest of the trial."

"He and David had need to confer with the … prosecutor."

"I saw that," Nancy admitted, "and when I saw you sitting here I have to confess to a certain amount of curiosity."

"Then perhaps I could help to satisfy that," Teyla offered. "Exactly what would you like to know?" She hoped the woman didn't ask where she was from because that explanation would be a bit difficult. Although that information would be available after the broadcast this coming Friday and Saturday nights.

"I guess I just wanted to meet the woman who's actually held John's attention for so long."

Teyla's eyebrows rose as she started to clarify, "John and I have been friends and teammates for many years however, …"

"I know you haven't been _together _all that time but when John talked about you and looked at your picture, I could see how much he cared. And Colonel Carter told me John would do anything for you."

Teyla's eyes turned bittersweet. "As I would for him."

Nancy smiled sadly and nodded. "He would give up his career or even his life for you."

Teyla sensed this woman's pain that John had not sacrificed as much for her. Unfortunately she had no words of comfort.

She merely responded, "It is what one does for his truest friend."

"Did you come specifically for the trial," Nancy asked.

"No, we came to celebrate John's birthday with him."

Nancy took a deep breath then stated, "I saw a few pictures and even a short video of your son. He's adorable. Is _he_ with you this trip?"

Teyla's eyes grew sad. "No, the trip is a difficult one and Torren is too young to understand that John is still unable to come home. The previous departure was torturous for all. I did not wish to subject Torren or John to that pain again."

Teyla saw Nancy's eyes fill with pity as she said, "I think John really misses him."

Teyla nodded. "I know that he does. There is a unique bond between Torren and John and I will admit that, at times, I have felt jealousy. Since John has been injured, I have felt only sadness."

"You said 'we'," Nancy reminded her.

"The rest of our team and another friend. They are currently visiting other relatives and will visit with John again this coming weekend."

"How did you two meet?" Nancy asked and Teyla knew she would have to be diplomatic in her answer.

"John and his people came to our village looking for information and trade. I did not care for their leader. I found him arrogant and condescending. He had no need for my people and our lack of advanced technology. I did not wish to have any dealings with them and was prepared to send them away."

Teyla's face brightened as she pulled out the memory. "Then John stepped forward. Right away I could tell he was different. His smile was charming and almost flirtatious and he told me of things that he liked, of which I had never heard in order to … break the ice …I believe he called it."

"So obviously your people did start a relationship with his?"

"During their visit, we were attacked by a formidable enemy," Teyla began. "Several of my people and several of theirs were taken prisoner, his leader and myself among them. John escorted the rest of my people back to his base for safety, for which we are eternally grateful."

Nancy's eyes grew dark with concern so Teyla continued, "With very little information to go on, John mounted a rescue to free those that had been taken."

"And he was obviously successful," Nancy said holding her hand up to Teyla as proof.

Teyla's smile remained haunted. "His leader and one of my people did not survive. However, many of our enemy were killed that day and my people placed their trust in John and those he served. As did I."

Nancy was shaking her head. "I don't know how you live like that, constantly in danger."

Teyla shrugged. "My people have known no other life. But now there is hope where there was none before."

There was a sheen in Nancy's eyes. "Then I'm glad you have John there to help."

"We _will_ have him back as soon as he is well enough."

Nancy nodded and nibbled on her pastry. She looked down at her sticky fingers and said, "I should have asked for a few more napkins."

Teyla pointed to a counter a few tables over. "I believe there are some in that area."

Nancy excused herself to get the napkins and Teyla noticed John hobble in and over to her table. She stood up to greet him. His face lit up as he reached her and his lips briefly touched hers.

"Sorry we took so long."

"It is fine," Teyla assured him and tilted her head behind him. "I had company."

John's eyebrow rose and he turned around. "Nancy," he acknowledged as his ex-wife ambled over wiping her hands on a napkin.

"Hi, John," Nancy responded quietly.

John looked distinctly uncomfortable. "Uh, so you two have met, I take it?" John pointed between the two women.

"I recognized her from the pictures in David's office and the fact that she was sitting with you in court."

John's eyes were puzzled but Teyla could tell he didn't dare ask the question in his mind. Teyla tried to ease the tension.

"Nancy desired to wish you luck on your continuing recovery and with the trial."

"Thanks," John mumbled and Nancy sent a look of gratitude in Teyla's direction.

"How's uh … Grant?" John stumbled over the name hoping he'd gotten it right this time.

"He's finishing up a case and should be back in Washington tonight. I need to get back there myself. Apparently there's some big news program airing tomorrow and Saturday night that the big brass are more than a little nervous about. They want everyone around just in case there's any fall out."

Nancy looked directly at John whose eyes looked everywhere but at her. A nagging suspicion wiggled its way inside her. "You wouldn't know anything about it now, would you, John?"

"I… uh …" John stuttered and shrugged and shook his head up and down and side to side.

"That's what I thought," Nancy said.

David and Julia approached and greeted Nancy and Dave offered, "We're going to grab some lunch. Would you care to join us?"

Nancy smiled graciously. "Thank you, but no. I only have a short time before I need to fly back."

"It was good to see you again," Dave said and kissed her cheek.

The others said goodbye and Teyla took a step closer. "Thank you for introducing yourself. It was lovely meeting you."

Nancy looked somewhat relieved. "Thank you. It was nice talking to you as well."

Nancy sat down to finish her coffee and pastry as the group started moving away. She noticed John put some of his weight on Teyla to help him walk. She was glad he had someone to lean on when times were tough and even gladder that Teyla was strong enough to support him.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxooo

.

Friday arrived with Julia insisting Teyla needed to spend one more day shopping. Teyla readily agreed and John groaned.

They picked him up from rehab and had only been back at the ranch for a few minutes when Ronon, Rodney, and Carson were delivered neatly back, compliments of Colonel Ellis and the Apollo. John met them outside the door and shook Rodney's hand.

"Welcome back! How were Jeannie, Caleb and Madison?"

"Great!" Rodney replied. "Except that I had to keep sneaking out to find real food. If I even so much as hear the word 'tofu' again …"

"You're in luck," John promised. "Josie's got a huge roast in with potatoes and gravy and everything."

Rodney's huge sigh made everyone chuckle. "That's heaven to my ears. How much longer until dinner?"

John laughed. "It's only three o'clock, McKay. You've got a few more hours."

"You think she'd be able to whip me up a little snack before then?" he asked anxiously. "I'm not sure I can make it that long."

"Maybe if you ask real nice."

Rodney headed through the door and as they followed him in, John asked Carson and Ronon about their trip.

"I had a lovely time. Thank you, John," Carson answered. "And I kept Ronon fairly busy, too."

Ronon just grunted in agreement but didn't make a comment.

"I even made a fair spot of cash. Our lad sure did give my countrymen a run for their money.

Carson excused himself as they walked past the kitchen to see if he could get in on Rodney's snack while John and Ronon continued on to the den.

As they walked in Ronon commented, "You're still using the cane, Sheppard. What'd you do all week, you lazy bastard?"

John grinned at Ronon's teasing. "You told me I had things to take care of." John shrugged. "So I took care of them."

Ronon smirked widely and congratulated, "Way to go, Sheppard!"

He looked around. "Where's Teyla?"

John rolled his eyes and said, "Putting away the new wardrobe Julia probably talked her into." He turned and yelled, "Teyla?"

"I am in here, John," Teyla called back from her room. "Come see this!" she continued excitedly.

A pained look crossed his face and he informed Ronon, "I'll be right back."

Ronon simply chuckled.

What seemed like a million bags were lying on the bed with fabric draped here and there.

"You get some good stuff?" John asked indulgently.

Teyla's eyes lit up. "It is amazing the variety available on this planet. Today we went to a very large building with many stores inside called a … mall."

_Hell on Earth_, John thought but didn't dare verbalize it.

Teyla held up a bag and said, "I purchased several more storybooks for Torren. Perhaps you could record yourself reading them before I go back."

John took the bag and peeked inside, all classic stories; Julia must have had a hand in choosing them. The thought of T.J. made him smile and forget about Teyla's shopping spree.

He put the bag on the bed and answered her, "I'd be happy to."

Gratitude poured from her eyes. She moved closer and slid her hands up his chest. His arms pulled her in close as well.

"Thank you," she whispered. "Torren will be pleased."

John moved his head towards hers. "And what will please you?"

Teyla's eyes twinkled mischievously. "Let me think," and her hands caressed his chest and moved to pull his head down to hers. Their lips met and moved passionately across each other as John's hands caressed Teyla's back and hers ran through his hair.

After a few minutes John's lips left hers and trailed a string of kisses down her neck. "Oh, … um … Ronon and … uh …the others … are back." John managed in between contact with her neck.

"That is lovely," Teyla panted and John wasn't sure if she meant what he was doing or that their friends had returned. He didn't really care at the moment. Her hands had moved around his waist and were sliding up under his shirt to run her fingers over his back.

His lips nudged aside the thin strap of her top until it hung over her arm then they retraced their steps until they ended back on her neck then headed south. John's hands found their way under Teyla's shirt and his mouth was starting to nudge the top a bit .

Before they could do much exploring a deep voice boomed, "If you're gonna continue this, you might want to shut the door."

Teyla and John broke apart quickly and looked toward their friend standing in the doorway. They were both breathing heavy and Teyla scolded, "Ronon!"

"What?" he grunted back then his eyes lit up and he grinned.

John responded to this with his own, "What?"

"Nothing," Ronon answered. "It's just about damn time you two figured this out."

Teyla's pink cheeks began to lessen. "I suppose it _has_ been a long time in coming."

John reached for Teyla and pulled her to his side. "Listen, Chewie," he began. "We're not exactly advertising this yet, okay. We want to get used to it first then see how it's gonna play out once I'm back on Atlantis."

Ronon looked suspiciously at the two of them. "You're not gonna go back to being just friends once you're there are you? Cause that's just stupid."

"No, Ronon," Teyla assured him. "We are both committed to this relationship. But we are unsure of the ramifications of our working relationship interfering with our personal relationship. We feel the need to proceed with caution in regards to this. Do you understand?"

"You didn't need to use all the big words," Ronon told her. "You could've just said you didn't want to get in trouble cause you're on the same team."

"That works, too," John said through a crooked smile.

Ronon pointed his thumb behind him out the door. "What about those two? You gonna tell them?"

John gave Ronon his '_are you kidding me'_ look. "You really think McKay can keep a secret?"

Ronon just shook his head and bluntly said, "No."

"And I believe if we tell Carson and not Rodney, Rodney will be deeply hurt."

"And technically we didn't tell _you,_ right Pal?" John coerced.

Ronon grinned and John and Teyla laughed.

"Come on into the den," John instructed Teyla, "once you've finished sorting this stuff out."

"I don't know, Sheppard, you might want her to try a few things on for you." Ronon picked up a scrap of lace from the bed. "Like this one, maybe."

"Hands off, Pal!" John grunted and snatched at the fabric. As he handed it to Teyla he groaned slightly when he thought of it against her golden skin. He pushed Ronon out the door and back into the den where they leaned back into the sofa.

"You sure you don't need a cold shower or anything, Sheppard. You two looked hot and heavy in there. You trying to make up for lost time?"

John thought of his comment about making their kiss quota retroactive and replied, "Something like that."

"So, what'd you two do all week?" Ronon smirked.

John made a face and answered, "Not what you think." He went on to tell his friend about what he was doing in rehab and going to court for the pre-trial hearing.

"So Teyla and your ex had coffee together, huh? That must have been an interesting conversation."

"Yeah," John snorted. "I don't even _want _to know what they talked about."

"Why not?" Teyla asked as she walked into the room and sat next to John. She put her hand on John's arm and purred, "Did you think we were discussing your sexual prowess?"

John's eyes opened in terror, "God, I hope not!"

Ronon chuckled and stared directly at Teyla. "And you didn't want to scratch her eyes out?"

"Of course not," Teyla denied as she tucked her legs up under her on the couch. "She was very sweet and lovely. And you were correct in your description, Ronon. She is a very attractive woman."

"Who's an attractive woman?" Rodney questioned as he and Carson joined them in the den. "Is Sheppard Kirking again?"

"We're talking about his ex-wife," Ronon supplied. "Teyla met her yesterday."

"You did? Where?"

Teyla briefly explained and Rodney whined, "I'm always a day late in these things. I would give anything to see what she looks like."

Teyla pointed to the bookshelf near the wall. "There are some pictures from the wedding in some of those photo books."

"Ooh!" Rodney squealed and went over to look. "We can all check out Sheppard's wedding."

"Yes, let's do that!" Sheppard squealed facetiously. "Let's dwell on one of my biggest failures, especially now," he pointed to his legs, "when I have so many other things failing me as well."

That stopped Rodney in his tracks. "Oh, right. I can probably look at them later."

He sat down claiming the lounge chair. "So what did you and Teyla do all week, besides rehab that is?"

Ronon gave an obvious cough and John made a face at him. "Well, I think Teyla managed to hit every store in a hundred mile radius."

"Really only fifty miles, John," Julia joined in as she walked in the room and snagged the middle of the sectional. It had obviously taken her a bit longer to put _her _purchases away. She greeted the men who had just returned and asked about their trips.

Carson gave a thrilling account of how Ronon had won several of the games during the tournament.

"So don't they make you wear those little skirts when you do those Scottish games?" John asked partly in retribution for Ronon's teasing.

"They're called kilts, laddie, they're not skirts," Carson corrected.

Rodney sat up straighter in the chair. "Are you telling us Conan here put a skirt on to throw a few logs around?"

Ronon looked like he was going to take off across the room at Rodney when Carson replied, "No, Ronon being an outsider wasn't required to wear his Tartan colors."

"Too bad," John quipped, "I think I'd pay big money to see those legs in a kilt."

"Yeah, Sheppard," Ronon started then looked at John's legs stretched out on front of him and closed his mouth. Even though he deserved it, Ronon figured making any kind of comment about Sheppard's legs would be tacky.

Carson filled in a few more details about their time in Scotland then asked where David was.

"Where else?" Julia said. "Work. He'll be home in a little while. He's a bit skittish about leaving the company for three whole weeks while we're on our honeymoon."

John smirked. "She's already warned him that if he does any work while he's there, he'll be sleeping on the floor."

That garnered a few chuckles then Rodney started up with the details of his visit with his sister and soon Dave was home and Josie was calling them all into the kitchen to eat.

"What, no dining room today?" John whined and Josie gave him a look that had him scrambling for the side of the table farthest from where she was. Josie said her goodbyes since she wouldn't be back until after they had left on Monday.

The topic of discussion turned to the news program that was airing tonight.

"When you were in the SGC before coming here, was there any talk about it?" John asked.

Rodney shoved some more potatoes in his mouth and attempted to talk around them. "Apparently Landry and O'Neill have seen it and the President, too. And I think they've seen the Atlantis one as well. Landry didn't seem impressed but O'Neill told him it was just because he thought he looked too heavy in it."

He took a quick sip of water and continued quickly, "Do you think I'm gonna look too heavy, also? I haven't been working out as much as I should."

"You haven't been working out at all, McKay," accused Ronon. "You never do."

Carson agreed. "About the only muscle that gets a thorough workout with you, Rodney, is your tongue."

Rodney squeaked but could hardly debate the issue so he simply pouted, "I'm a very busy man. I can't spend all day lifting weights exercising like Johnny Atlas here."

John rolled his eyes at Rodney's comment but Ronon, looking at the toned definition of John's upper body, conferred, "I gotta agree with McKay on this. You are looking pretty buff, Sheppard."

John's eyes focused on his food and Carson said, "It's just a natural result of the rehabilitation John's been working so hard for. There's nothing wrong with it."

"Of course there is not," Teyla agreed. "But because of his hard work he will soon be able to return home with us."

Teyla noticed John's hesitant look as well as David's uneasy one, each stemming from very different reasons. John still had doubts about his being able to pass Air Force standards and David, she guessed, had probably gotten used to having John around and didn't want to lose him again, especially to someplace so far away.

When dinner was over Rodney, Ronon and Carson brought their bags back up to where they'd stayed last time and changed into swim shorts. It had been brutally hot during the day and was still very warm. Everyone was hoping to cool down before the show started.

John changed as well then knocked on Teyla's door to see if she was ready. A muffled, "Come in," floated through the door and John cautiously turned the knob and pushed.

"John," Teyla addressed, "Julia insisted I buy this but I am not certain it is actually meant for swimming."

John took one look at Teyla and almost choked on his own saliva which he then had to swallow hard just to get down. The bathing suit she had on wasn't much more than a few strategically placed triangles and some string. John couldn't take the chance of anyone else seeing it so he took a few wobblier than usual steps in and closed the door behind him.

"Teyla!" he gasped, "Holy crap! You can't possibly wear that outside!"

She moved in front of him and innocently asked, "You do not like it? Julia assured me that you would."

John's breathing seemed to pick up a bit as he answered, "I definitely like it but there's no way you are wearing, or maybe I should say _not wearing_ that in front of the others."

"I have thought that these swimming suits were rather minimal but this one appears to have much less fabric than most. So you think I should remove this and wear the other one I have?"

"Yes," John breathed, though his eyes never moved from her body.

A knock on the door startled him and he jumped and turned toward the sound as Ronon yelled, "You ready, Teyla?"

"I will be another few minutes, Ronon. I will meet you by the pool," Teyla called back.

They heard Ronon grunt his consent and John turned back to finish his conversation with Teyla only to find her removing the top and digging in the drawer for the other bathing suit.

"What are you doing?" John squeaked breathlessly, which was the wrong thing to do because she turned to look at him holding a bathing suit top in each hand, neither one of them actually _on_ her.

"I was looking for this other suit," she replied, holding up the halter style she had worn previously. "Perhaps you could help fasten it in the back. Reaching that far is always difficult."

She cupped the fabric around her top and turned her back to John. It took his addled brain a few seconds before he realized she wanted him to hook the back together. He picked up the thicker pieces and moved them closer allowing his fingers to float across her skin as he did.

John wondered what she would do if his hands moved around to skim the front as well. Then he remembered the other day when he had briefly done that. The memory of her moaning and throwing her head back had John's thought focusing on the teeny tiny strings on her hips and how easy it would be to untie them. He could lift her onto the dresser, move closer and drive …

More voices outside the door brought John's thoughts to a skidding halt and he realized Teyla was still waiting for him to remove his hands from the hook. He fastened it, dropped his hands, took a step back and closed his eyes.

"Maybe you should go first," he suggested, "and I'll follow you in a few minutes."

John figured it would take him that long to be able to walk again. And this time it had nothing to do with his legs.

"As you wish," Teyla responded and John opened his eyes as he heard her move. It was the wrong this to do again as Teyla was in the process of changing her bottoms to the boy cut shorts. He turned away and leaned on the dresser, realizing now, that his view hadn't changed, it was just a reverse image in the mirror.

Once changed, Teyla moved toward John and touched his back. "Are you all right, John?" her voice dripped with concern.

"Yeah, I will be once your tantalizing body isn't standing there screaming for me to throw it down on that bed and …"

"I am not _screaming,_" insisted Teyla.

John actually smiled, put his hands lightly on her shoulders and kissed her head. "No, you aren't. I just need a few minutes, okay. Make up whatever excuse you want for me."

Teyla nodded, picked up her cover-up and left. John moved a few steps, sank down on to the bed and lowered his head into his hands with a groan.

.

.

Teyla met Julia on her way to the pool as well. When Julia commented on her bathing suit, Teyla said, "John would not allow me to wear the newer one."

Julia's eyes filled with mischief as she asked, "So did the new one have the desired effect?"

Teyla's smile matched her friend's. "It had an effect and I am quite certain it could be defined as desire."

As they entered the pool area, Julia whispered, "Mission accomplished."

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

Julia and David grabbed the recliner to Rodney's whines of, "But I'm a guest."

"True," Dave agreed. "But if everyone's going to fit comfortably for the three hour special, we need two people to share the chair. Who would _you_ like to share with?"

Rodney looked around like he was considering for a minute then said, "Okay, fine, since Jennifer's not here." And he spread out in the middle of the sectional and strategically placed throw pillows around him like fortress.

"It's probably a good thing Keller isn't here," John pointed out. "Since you'll more than likely spend the next three hours drooling over Carter."

"I will not!" denied Rodney. His eyes grew round and his hand moved to his chin. "I don't actually drool, do I?"

"Only occasionally," Carson responded. "And it usually has to do with food."

Dave pressed the remote and found the channel.

"Who wants to bet there are a few riots after this thing airs?" John offered.

Nods moved through the room.

"You know," Rodney began, "Landry said this was shown last week to the leaders of most of the industrialized nations. Apparently there was shock but he said the fallout was less than expected. A few were even a little relieved that the US wasn't planning to destroy them."

John shook his head, "But body-snatching snakes and life-sucking vampires are okay."

Rodney just shrugged and they all quieted down as the opening started and Emmett Bregman's narration began.

"Oh, that's the man who came here to interview you last month, John," Julia said.

Rodney perked up and almost knocked over one of his fortress pillows. "He came here to interview you? Why?"

John shrugged. "I guess he did a whole story on the SGC quite a few years back and they thought it was pretty good. They hid it away and made him keep quiet but when this came around he wanted in on it. For whatever reason, he wasn't available at the time. Since Woolsey won't allow any more reporters back after what happened to me, he figured grabbing me while I was here was the next best thing."

John pointed to the TV. "From what I understand the SGC program will be a compilation of Bregman's old newscast and the stuff the international reporters got. The military was pretty pissed at what happened to me because of the reporters. They didn't want to press charges but they did allow Bregman more control over the show and let him have the final say in editing."

The first portion of the special mainly focused on the history of the Stargate with Daniel Jackson playing a major role in telling it. SG-1 was introduced and interviews with them from years ago were interspersed with newer ones.

"General O'Neill's put on a few pounds since then, huh?" Rodney commented as he shoved a handful of chips in his mouth.

"It's what happens when you take a desk job in Washington instead of taking out bad guys on a daily basis," John said.

When Carter came on and spouted a string of techno babble, Rodney almost wet his pants from excitement. Chuckles filled the room and Rodney responded, "Okay, come on, you have got to admit _that_ brain, along with the rest of the package, is just so sexy."

John gave a little cough. "Yeah, definitely a good thing Keller isn't here."

His arm which had been draped along the back of the couch behind Teyla dropped to pat her shoulder as he warned, "Of course, you know McKay, that one of her best friends _is _here."

Rodney looked panicked for a second then pleaded, "You won't actually say anything to Jennifer about this, will you? I mean this thing between Sam and I … I mean we don't really _have_ a thing … it's just that we did quite a bit of work together before Atlantis, I mean waaaaay before I ever met Jennifer. And it's not like we ever … you know …"

"We get it, Rodney," John assured him.

Teyla added, "Besides, I believe Sam is already in a committed relationship. Jennifer herself told me that Sam hinted as much."

"Really? I wonder who it is." Rodney worried but had noticed John's nod during Teyla's comment and pointed at him. "You know who it is, don't you?"

John couldn't quite hide the grin that came to his face. He remained silent while Rodney badgered him a few more times.

"At least tell us _how_ you know." Rodney finally surrendered.

John compromised and simply said, "It seems that when you can't move or talk, people think you can't see or hear either."

You could see Rodney's mind whirring trying to figure it out. On almost every commercial break Rodney threw out a new name.

John just laughed and said, "Forget it, McKay, I'm not gonna tell you. What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas, you know."

"Wait!" McKay called perplexed, "When did you go to Vegas?"

John just ignored him and looked back at the TV. He allowed his hand to stay on Teyla's shoulder and when he gave a slight tug she immediately leaned in closer to him. His gaze went to the other occupants of the couch. McKay, as usual, was self-absorbed and Carson had his eyes fixed on the screen.

Ronon, however, was staring straight at them with a big smirk on his face. A grin grew on John's face as he stared back and maybe the mischief in Ronon's eyes spread in his direction. John suddenly found himself lowering his head and nipping his lips across the neck Teyla had exposed with her hair pulled back.

Her body softened and her head tilted as John's lips briefly floated over her skin. Her eyes closed for a second then popped open when it dawned on her that they weren't alone. The lights from the big screen TV was all that was illuminating the room but it was enough for people to see what John was doing if they were looking close enough.

Her confused gaze moved to John's face and she realized he was in a staring contest with Ronon. The next commercial break stopped that.

The last half hour of the show concentrated on the history of the Ancients. It kept building suspense with photos and some footage of Antarctica and the Ancient outpost. They even showed a picture of the chair and explained how it could only be used by someone with a specific gene, a descendent of the Ancients themselves.

They closed out the show with the information that could potentially lead to Atlantis, naming tomorrow night's segment, 'The Search for Atlantis'. They purposely left everyone with the question of whether they actually found the mythical city or not.

Julia flipped on a light and Dave shut the set off as John and Teyla moved further apart.

"That is absolutely amazing!" Julia spouted. "And I already knew a lot of that stuff. I can't imagine what other people are thinking right now."

"Freaked that there are aliens out there who'd like nothing better than to kill us all," John suggested.

"I don't know," Dave countered. "The way it was presented makes you think the government has it all under control. And if I lived in another country, I'd probably be glad it was mostly US Military who were taking the brunt of the fight."

"Yes, at Stargate Command that's mostly true," Rodney said. "But on Atlantis we were told to emphasize the many different countries that are represented. We'll have to see how that actually plays out."

Dave stifled a yawn and announced, "I've gotta get to bed. I've got an early tee-time in the morning."

Julia looked at Dave and offered, "We should take them to the Country Club with us. They'd love it."

John made a weird face. "Uh, these guys are not really the Country Club type, take my word for it."

Dave shrugged, "The restaurant there has a great breakfast buffet. You're all welcome to come."

"Is it ALL YOU CAN EAT?" Rodney questioned and his team groaned in unison.

"Absolutely," Julia answered then turned to John. "David said you used to love playing golf. Maybe you could join him?"

Dave started to object but John cut him off. "If I remember the Country Club correctly, you have to book your tee-times a few weeks in advance. So unless someone drops out there's no chance for me to get in the game. Plus, I haven't played 18 holes in quite a while. But … I wouldn't mind hitting a bucket of balls and maybe getting a little practice on the putting green."

"That we can do," Dave nodded relieved John didn't want to horn in on his game. "Any other takers?"

"I'll go for the buffet," Rodney chimed in and Carson said, "I'd better go, too, to make sure he doesn't eat himself into oblivion."

Rodney made a face at Carson and quipped, "Yeah, funny!"

"Ronon, Teyla?" John asked the other remaining members of his team.

Teyla yawned delicately and said, "I think I would prefer to try and sleep a bit later tomorrow. We have been up early every day this week and with Torren …he is always up very early. A day to wake up on my own would be lovely."

Everyone now looked at Ronon. "I think I'll stay here with Teyla. I didn't much care for that golf thing when Sheppard tried to teach me."

"That's because we don't have a real course, yet," John defended. "How far along are they in getting that done?"

The Lanteans all looked uncomfortable and at John's questioning look, Rodney broke down first. "Nothing else has been done. Colonel Curmudgeon put the kibosh on the whole golf course idea."

What?" John roared. "But Woolsey approved that and everything. What is this guy's problem?"

"Waste of manpower," Ronon grumbled.

Teyla sighed loudly. "Colonel Armstrong is opposed to using any of the Military personnel for anything other than defensive purposes, even on their time off. This includes manual labor to assist in farming and harvesting of crops. It has made trade negotiations with the Menarians very difficult as their harvest is less than two lunar cycles away. We should already have an agreement in place, yet we do not."

"Wait," John fumed, "we've always traded manpower for food with the Menarians. They're our biggest supplier of fresh produce. What the hell is Armstrong thinking? And what does Woolsey have to say about this?"

"Colonel Armstrong is reluctant to surrender any of his forces while the Wraith are still a threat," Teyla said. "Mr. Woolsey has had to compromise since ordering Colonel Armstrong in anything that is a military matter has been a mute point."

"Let's just say the man lives up to his name," Rodney explained. "He has a tendency to _strong arm_ everyone. I think Woolsey's actually a little afraid of him."

"Great!" John muttered. "Let's just hope I can get back there before this guy screws something up I can't fix."

"You'll be back soon enough, lad," Carson promised. "For right now though, I need to get some rest if I'm to get up early for that big breakfast."

Everyone agreed and headed to their respective bedrooms. It was too hot for John to even think about pajama pants and he hated sleeping with the air conditioner on, so he stripped to his boxers and opened his slider where a nice breeze was moving the air.

When he heard Teyla come back from the bathroom, he headed in that direction. After a quick clean up, he moved slowly back to his room, finally able to do it for short periods without the cane, and the occasional hand on the wall.

Teyla's door opened and she appeared in the doorway, the light spilling from the bedrooms the only source. "I forgot my hairbrush in the bathroom," she revealed.

John nodded and said, "Good night, Teyla."

"Good night, John," she returned and they both stood staring at each other.

Even after the kisses they'd shared this week there was still an uncertainty in their new relationship. John hoped that would soon pass so he took a step toward Teyla, reached for her hand and gently pulled her forward. Her arms slipped around his back and his hands framed her face.

His lips skimmed her momentarily and he whispered, "Sweet dreams, Teyla."

Teyla smiled and whispered back, "Then they will be of you."

John grinned and nodded and backed toward his room. Teyla moved to the bathroom to retrieve her brush and was back inside her room in seconds.

As John closed his bedroom door and got into bed he thought how strange it was that he hadn't just dragged Teyla in here with him. If this situation had been in the past he probably would have. He thought about all that he'd gone through in the past five months, heck the past six years, and knew he wasn't the same man anymore.

This relationship with Teyla was extremely important to him and he wanted the time to be right. But he knew that when everything was perfect, being with Teyla would be so worth the wait.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

It was almost nine when Teyla finally climbed out of bed. She felt guilty at first then realized it had been a much needed indulgence. She showered and changed into a dress she had purchased yesterday.

On the hangar it had seemed completely shapeless, looking like a very long tank top. But when she tried it on she realized that _she_ provided the shape. Julia had wanted her to get the red one but Teyla had preferred the pale yellow. The color was softer and she thought was a better match for her skin tone.

She found Ronon sitting on the patio with an empty plate in front of him. She sat next to him with her cup of tea and the pastry Julia had left for them.

"Did you enjoy the extra sleep this morning?" Ronon asked as she took her first sip.

"It was lovely, thank you," Teyla replied. "But I should not get accustomed to it as I will be back with my very early rising son in just a few days time."

"You miss him," Ronon guessed from Teyla's tone of voice.

"I do, very much," Teyla acknowledged. "But I must also confess it is nice to have a short break from him. When we are on Atlantis he is with me every moment I am not working. When John was there I would be relieved for short periods almost daily. But the last five months have been tiring."

"You know I'd take him if you needed a break, right?" Ronon offered.

Teyla put her hand on his arm. "Yes, I am aware. And you have watched him for me on several occasions. But your relationship with Amelia is growing and I do not like to take you away from that."

They sat silently for a few minutes then Ronon suggested, "Sheppard should move in with you when he gets back to Atlantis. You've got plenty of room now and he can give you a hand with Torren easier if he's there with you_."_

Surprise was written on Teyla's face as she returned, "John and I have not spoken of such things as of yet. We both need to become accustomed to the fact that Kanaan is no longer in my life and that we are now free to pursue a relationship."

Ronon grunted in understanding and asked, "Is that why you and Sheppard are still sleeping in separate bedrooms? Because the ghost of Kanaan is still lingering around?"

"Ronon!" Teyla chastised. "I am not sure it is your concern where we choose to sleep."

"Yeah, you're right," he agreed. "It's just that you two are the best friends I've got and it's been obvious to me for a long time that you belong together. I just want to make sure you get there."

Teyla's eyes softened. "And we appreciate the sentiment. I do not think you need to worry. I believe John and I are finally on the correct path. But John feels, and I respect his decision, that we should proceed slowly. He does not wish to rush anything. He would prefer to take the time for everything to be perfect in our relationship. He is still dealing with the results of his injury. There is much confusion and self-doubt regarding his physical _and_ emotional well being. If he requires time, I am more than happy to provide him with it."

"Happy?" Ronon chuckled. "And maybe a little frustrated?"

Teyla sighed. "Perhaps," she said thinking of the incident with the swim suit. "The man does possess a considerable amount of self-control."

Ronon's eyes glowed with devilment. "That's something you can work on. Think of it as a challenge."  
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xoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxox

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"Grant, do you know where I put that notepad I was writing on yesterday?" Nancy called across the room to her husband.

"You put it on top of the TV set," he called back from the next room. She sighed as she moved closer and spotted it. She'd actually taken notes while watching last night's news special on the government's big secret; the Stargate.

She still couldn't believe this thing actually existed and that it had been kept a secret for so long. And that her ex-husband, John had obviously known about it. All right she didn't know positively that he did but when she had asked the other day at the hearing if he knew what the news report was about, he had done his typical song and dance that meant yes while trying to say no.

She had checked out all the faces she could as the news crew had filmed the facility. She hadn't in fact seen John, and it had been filmed prior to his accident, so maybe he knew but hadn't actually been inside. It was more likely that John was involved in flying the fighters they called F-302's. That was right up his alley. She wondered if that's how he was injured, crashing in one of those.

And he'd been stationed in Antarctica for almost a year. That was where the Ancient Base was located. Yeah, too much of a coincidence for John not to be involved.

But the thing that had clinched it for Nancy was the focus on the team they called SG-1. This was the same group that had come to help John back when he'd been kidnapped. Nancy tried to remember what the members of this SG-1 had said about John.

The woman, Carter had said she was John's CO for a year but the newscast never said she was the head of 'Stargate Command' so it must have been on some other base; maybe where the F-302's were housed. And didn't she say John had been her Military Commander? Nancy's mind had a million different possibilities but as John hadn't been on the show, she'd probably never find out.

And tonight's report sounded like it would focus on finding the mythical city of Atlantis and these Ancients who'd built it. Sounded more like a documentary than a news report. But people still freaked out over the thought of aliens so she knew either way there'd be a mess to clean up.

As it was she'd spent three hours in her office this morning debriefing and putting out small fires that had popped up from last night's report.

She checked the time and saw that the show was about to start so she picked up the notepad and sat next to Grant who'd come into the room.

They'd started with a visual summary of yesterday's show then moved on to Dr. Jackson explaining their journey to finding the address to Atlantis. The Ancients had once been on Earth but had moved the city to another galaxy; The Pegasus Galaxy.

The narrator then started explaining about the group of one hundred or so people who were chosen to embark on this new adventure. During his narrative they showed footage, dated six years ago, of a large group of people moving in preparation in the gate room of what they called the SGC. The narrator mentioned the expedition leader, Elizabeth Weir, and then the camera moved to show a woman enter and gain the attention of everyone in the room.

_"Could I have everyone's attention please? All right, here we go. We are about to try to make a connection. We have been unable to predict exactly how much power this is gonna take and we may only get the one chance at this. So if we are able to achieve a stable wormhole, we're not gonna risk shutting the gate down. We'll send in the MALP robot probe, check for viability and go, everything in one shot."_

She paused here and the screen changed to pan the many faces watching the woman. Nancy looked at these people, wondering how they could even consider stepping through a wormhole to what could possibly be another galaxy. Then they showed the group standing right in front of Weir.

Her gasp was slight but enough for Grant to say, "Nancy, what is it?"

The screen panned in for a few close-ups and her heart almost stopped. There, front and center, was John, dressed in full military gear, gun strapped to his thigh, full backpack and his hands resting on the dangerous looking machine gun that was dangling from his TAC vest and he was standing as casual as if he were just waiting for a bus.

"That's John."

"John?" Grant repeated. "You're ex-husband, John? Did you know he was involved with this?"

Nancy shook her head her eyes still glued to the screen and the face of the man she had spent almost two years with.

Weir started speaking again but the screen shared its time between her and the other occupants of the room.

_"Now every one of you volunteered for this mission and you represent over a dozen countries. You are the world's best and brightest and in light of the adventure we are about to embark on, you're also the bravest. I hope we all return one day having discovered a whole new realm for humanity to explore but as all of you know we may never be able to return home. I'd like to offer you all one last chance to withdraw your participation."_

John was on screen again and not so much as a flicker of emotion crossed his face. This was nothing new to Nancy, though. She'd lived through a few years of trying to get John to loosen the control he clutched so tightly around him. But she'd grown tired of trying to get the emotion that poured out of his eyes to transfer to his words and actions. She had never been successful.

And here he was ready to cavalierly walk through an alien device to go on a possible one way trip and he didn't look any more bothered than if he were going to the grocery store.

The screen showed Dr. Weir telling the gate crew to begin the dialing sequence. As the gate spun and steam rose off it, Nancy noticed John having an exchange with an older Marine. She couldn't hear what they were saying as the narrator was now giving more information. But she saw the man look at John with what could only be called distain.

John moved slightly and she thought she saw him give a slight eye roll. _Oh, John_! she thought.

The gate connected and a cheer rose from the crowd. The large probe was sent through, viable life support confirmed and then the Marine who'd seemed upset with John moved forward barking out orders.

_Great!_ Nancy thought. _This was the big boss and John had somehow pissed him off. Just what you wanted to do when you're embarking on a dangerous mission and might need the guy to watch your back_.

Nancy looked at the man, introduced by the narrator as Colonel Marshall Sumner. _"Let's go people! We don't know how much power we've got. Security teams one and two, you're up first."_

John didn't move. Nancy was surprised at this but then noticed the men going through the gate were all Marines, plus Dr. Weir. She wondered why John had been chosen, what special skill he brought with _him_. They weren't taking any aircraft.

Nancy heard Sumner's voice over the radio announcing "_All clear_."

John moved toward the gate. The camera angle was from the side but John looked around a bit and for the first time she had to admit he actually looked nervous. For John to actually look that way, he must have been pretty scared. She would never have been brave enough, but courage was one thing John never lacked.

When the general announced that the expedition team could move out, the young man beside John made a serious comment then almost jumped laughingly into the rippling blue of what they referred to as the 'event horizon'. She saw John take a deep breath, close his eyes and step through. She found that she had been holding her breath as well.

The rest of the large group all moved orderly up the ramp entering the gate as well. When the last one was gone, a radio call came through. It was Dr. Weir's voice.

_"General O'Neill, Atlantis Base offers greetings from the Pegasus Galaxy. You may cut power to the gate."_

But before he ordered that, the General walked up the ramp and rolled a bottle of champagne through. He sent a look in the direction of the control room and the sparkling pool behind him disappeared.

Nancy's shoulders sagged as the commercial came on, her mind going a mile a minute. She wondered what David knew of this and his fiancée, Julia. And what of Teyla? A new thought ran through her mind.

"Oh, … my …"

"What?" Grant cut in quickly, concerned.

"I told you John was involved with someone new and they had a son, right?"

At Grant's nod she continued, "Well supposedly she's from the area that he's been stationed in and they met _six years ago, w_hich is when the Atlantis expedition left."

"Which means," Grant paused with a little snicker, "your ex is involved with an _alien._"

His head popped up as he remembered, "You said you met her. What was she like?"

"Well, she wasn't green with antenna, if that's what you mean," Nancy snapped. "She was actually quite lovely and gracious considering the circumstances."

Grant's eyebrows rose. "So a sexy alien. That's very Star Trek, you know."

Nancy threw him a dirty look but the show came back on so she bit back what she was about to say. The image of a large room with stained glass windows came on the screen with the narrator explaining that this is what the adventurers came to find.

As he spoke of the Ancients the screen changed to a different large room where the image of a woman was standing in the middle. Explained as a hologram, the woman gave some history of the Ancients and their journey from Earth to Pegasus only to return again.

"… _to return to that world that was once home. There the last survivors of Atlantis lived out the remainders of their lives. This city was left to slumber in the hope that our kind would one day return_."

"And they did return in a way, didn't they?" The question came from off-screen. A man, labeled on the bottom of the screen as Dr. Rodney McKay, Chief Scientist in charge of Research and Development, gave a quick nod.

"Yes, in a way. The Ancients who came back to Earth obviously interacted with the rest of the population. This is probably where the mythical stories come from. Some of the Ancient Greeks heard it from the remaining Ancients who lived among them. Now, thousands of years later the Ancients have all disappeared but a small trace of the gene still remains in a minute percentage of the population."

The reporter questioned again, "So these people are _actual _descendents of the Ancients, is that correct?"

Dr. McKay answered, "Yes, and as it is with genetics some people have a stronger gene than others and are able to use Ancient Technology with more ease."

"And out of this handful of people with an Ancient gene, have you found anyone whose gene stands out stronger than the others? Whose ability stands out above the others?"

"Well that's easy," Dr. McKay stated. "The strongest gene by a mile is Colonel Sheppard. He doesn't even have to concentrate. He can turn everything on just by walking into a room."

Nancy had been on the edge of her seat but now she sank back into it. The two people started a discussion on how so much of the Ancient Technology works on thought patterns and the gene therapy some doctor had developed that allowed a few others to utilize the Ancient Technology as well.

The words barely sank in though as she thought of John and why he'd been chosen to go on this mission.

Grant chuckled again and Nancy threw him another dirty look. "What is so funny?"

"Just the thought that you used to be married to an alien."

"John is _not_ an alien!" Nancy shouted vehemently then she thought about all the information from the show and back pedaled. "He's just _descended _from them."

This was almost too much to take but she couldn't stop watching for quite a few reasons. Over the next few hours she heard many people talk about John and tell stories and describe what a great guy he was. She saw the village Teyla was from and saw John on numerous occasions with the little boy Torren John.

The one thought that kept resurfacing as she saw all that John was responsible for and all he had gone through; was that leaving him had been the absolute right decision. There was no way she could ever had dealt with all the danger and adventure he so craved. John was meant for that kind of life and the thought of it was literally much too alien for her.

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	17. Chapter 17

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox

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The show's starting! Everyone take their seats!" Rodney shouted and settled in between his pillow walls again.

"Yes, teacher," John mocked as he plopped down between Teyla and the arm of the couch. He wasn't really sure he wanted to see this. And he was pretty sure he didn't want to be with a bunch of people when he did. God knows what those reporters twisted and reshaped to fit their views. But if he had to see the damn thing, he was glad he was with his friends and family. He trusted them implicitly.

He slipped his arm behind Teyla and rested his hand on her hip, caressing the bare skin in the space between her top and bottom. She looked up curiously at this display and saw his face tilt in the direction of Rodney's _Fortress of Solitude_ and realized the man would never even notice. Carson was not at an angle to see either and Ronon was already aware of their relationship so no big worries there. Dave and Julia had the cozy spot on the recliner again.

The show started and when the archive footage from the six or eight security cameras in the gate room came on, John heard Carson and Rodney reminisce while Julia asked, "John, where are _you_?"

"I'm there," John replied and sure enough a few moments after Elizabeth's opening words the screen showed the group with John standing smack dab in the middle. He had to admit that whoever had edited had done a good job. They'd zoomed in and cropped and used all the camera angles to make it seem like some professional had been filming, not some surveillance equipment strapped to a wall.

When the first close-up came, Dave commented, "You're looking pretty young there, little brother."

"It was six years ago," Rodney pointed out.

John snorted, "It's not the years, it's the mileage."

"You look as you did when we first met," Teyla said and John grinned down at her.

"That's because this is only a few hours before I met you."

Julia gasped, "You met Teyla that soon after going? I thought she lived on another planet."

"She did," John said then explained about the force shield starting to fail and needing to find help right away.

"We knew we couldn't dial back to Earth," Rodney clarified, "so John thought we should go to another planet in Pegasus. The power requirement for that was negligible."

"Athos was just randomly picked from the Ancient database," John finished. "Dr. Weir sent a few teams to scout for another ZPM or a safe place to bail in case the shield failed completely."

"John, who's that man right there?" Dave asked as he saw John conversing on the screen. "He doesn't exactly look happy with you."

John's answer was brief. "That's Sumner."

"Oh," David replied but didn't comment further as he remembered what had been said about the man previously.

Parts of the show were very difficult for John to watch. Seeing Ford and Elizabeth again just brought back another whole wave of guilt that he and Dr. Lambert had been working so hard to remove. And John hated being the center of attention but the reporters had zeroed in on his team, partly because they'd been assigned to escort them around but also because of the key roles they all played in the city.

Rodney almost squealed when they devoted a large amount of time to him and his lab and all his work. Unfortunately there was also way too much time devoted to John. They thought that being the son of wealthy industrialist Patrick Sheppard, who broke away from the family business to join the military, just made him seem so much more interesting as the Military Commander of the mythical city of Atlantis in another galaxy.

Through interviews and obtained footage, John saw them show how close his team was and all the danger they'd faced together. They'd filmed the team during routine activities and during off time, eating in the mess hall, his morning run with Ronon, standing around on the balconies overlooking the ocean.

They'd managed to get him and T.J. on camera fairly often, also; pick up time from Aleeah, eating dinner with the team, walking him to sleep in the Athosian village, they'd even managed to get him reading a bedtime story to the kid. He thought they'd been aiming the camera at Teyla during her interview but they must have done some zooming, cropping and editing to pull him and T.J. from the film.

But as he watched that part he realized the overall impression, even though it was never actually said, was that he and Teyla and T.J. were a definite family unit. The funny thing was that even though he knew they'd manipulated scenes to appear that way, he really didn't mind. He was looking forward to the day when that could actually be true.

Woolsey's interview was cut much shorter than it had been and he somehow managed to come across as far less pompous than he actually was. And the man had given credit to all the members of the expedition for the successes they had accomplished. John appreciated that.

During the commercials, Rodney complained about not enough screen time for himself, too much hero worship for John, and Zalenka getting too much credit for some of the work that he'd done.

"Are you saying Radek did not do these things?" Teyla inquired of Rodney.

"No, he did," Rodney grudgingly accepted. "But they're nowhere near as important as some of the stuff I've done. I know they had a lot more footage of me explaining my work, yet they chose to show Zalenka and his half-baked theories."

"McKay just doesn't want anyone knowing Zalenka's as smart as him," Ronon laughed.

"Oh, he _so_ is not!" Rodney defended vehemently. "He doesn't even have a fraction of the brain power that I have."

He then looked at John and accused, "So, I thought you didn't want anything to do with this report. You're in an awful lot of it for someone who protested so much. They talk about you like you single handedly saved the world a few times."

John sent Rodney a stabbing look. "Do I appear to walking up to the camera and demanding attention, Rodney? I didn't edit the damn thing. Most of this stuff I didn't even know they were taping."

He specifically thought about the exchange between himself and Tanako late that night in the hallway outside her room. She'd been talking to the SO on duty and he'd come by on his rounds. When he'd walked away, the Marine had made some comment about, "I'm not sure Colonel Sheppard knows how to sleep." She must have had the camera inside her room, propped up somehow and turned on. There was no end to how far these people had gone to get information.

Besides the off-world excursions, the show spent some time focused on the training the military personnel go through to be prepared for combat. They'd gotten footage of Ronon with some of the Marines, Ronon with Amelia, other training exercises and they'd somehow gotten footage of John sparring with Teyla. He'd never actually seen them taping this but they usually had the door open so a zoom lens from the hall probably would have worked.

"You're looking better than you were earlier this week, John," Julia commented.

"You actually managed to do some sparring?" spouted Carson. "That's wonderful, John. See, you're almost there."

"Let me guess," Ronon said, "You kicked his ass, right, Teyla?"

"John did quite well," Teyla reported. "I was very pleased with the outcome."

Teyla looked up at John and a knowing smile lit up her face. John clearly remembered the kisses they'd shared at the end of the sparring and repeated, "Very pleased," his own grin widening. His hand on her side slid between her top and bottom to caress her skin.

Rodney got back on his favorite subject. "I wonder how many of my _esteemed_ colleagues will be watching this tonight and finally acknowledge that I haven't just been sitting around on my assets for the past half dozen years."

He rubbed his hands together. "Oh, I really wish I could be a fly on the wall when some of them see the extent to which I've been able to use my genius ability. Hmpf, I'll bet they're all green with envy."

"I'm feeling a little green myself," John whimpered, "from the smell of all the bullshit that's being shoveled up in this room."

Rodney's face grew tight. "Mock me if you will. But you wait; I'll bet some of my old colleagues won't be quite so condescending now. Ooh! Actually now would be the perfect time to go to one of those conferences I'm always getting invited to."

His shoulders sagged. "But we have to head back to Atlantis Monday morning, don't we?"

The commercial ended and the narrator segued from the training of the troops to the enemies they faced. A few quick images of the Wraith they'd had in the holding cell were flashed on the screen with the narrator describing what these creatures do.

A short clip showed Jennifer explaining in medical terms the effects of a Wraith feeding on the human body. Next, the narrator was explaining that they actually had footage of it happening.

When a grainy image of Kolya came on the screen, an angry, "No!" echoed from John's mouth.

Dave sat up straighter and noticed how hard John's face had become and how his friends were all looking at him instead of the screen, their eyes filled with concern.

His eyes flicked back to the screen and he heard a brief explanation of the situation and saw the large man in the green uniform move to the side. Dave wasn't prepared to see his brother gagged and chained to a chair. It was too reminiscent of recent events and he now remembered John's words on the stand that it hadn't been the first time he'd been held against his will.

Dave saw John ungagged for only long enough to attempt an order not to give in to the demands. The man actually had the audacity to joke about John being his usual charming self.

Dave noticed Teyla had a hand moving back and forth on John's thigh in an effort at comfort as he started to breathe harder. When Dave saw the Wraith enter the room on the screen, his heart almost stopped. On-screen John had started breathing harder, too.

Dave wasn't sure where to put his eyes. But he found they'd become glued to his brother's tortured face as the Wraith started to feed. When on-screen John sagged in exhaustive agony, Dave moved his gaze to the real life one who didn't look in much better shape.

A quick explanation and they were showing three hours later and torture session number two where John's slight nod on-screen indicated his approval of the decision not to trade for his life. Julia's death grip on Dave's arm finally registered and he briefly glanced at his fiancée to see her tormented eyes fixated on the screen.

The man he saw looked easily ten or fifteen years older than the one sitting next to him, although the pain he saw reflected in both were not dissimilar.

When the Wraith showed up a third time on screen he saw John take an incredibly shaky breathe, push himself up and storm out of the room. A couple seconds later he heard the kitchen door slam. It took Dave a few moments to climb out of the recliner and while he did he saw the third feeding and a visibly shaky, very aged version of John on screen.

Teyla had started to get up to go after John but Dave touched her shoulder and offered, "Why don't you let me."

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.

John stood on the porch, his forearms on the railing, trying desperately to suck some much needed air into his lungs. He still couldn't believe the reporters had gotten that footage and that they'd been allowed to air it. But he was sure they'd argued that the world had a right to see the potential threat and that the _knowledge_ of that threat might work more toward uniting countries together. How it would affect him was of little consequence.

He closed his eyes and tried to get the image out of his head. But he could still feel the pain in his chest where the feeding scar was and the sensation of having life slowly drained away.

He thought he'd gotten past it, almost forgotten it. Weir had made him see Heightmeyer a few times after but he'd quickly convinced her he was fine. But thinking about the shrink right now just piled more guilt for _her_ death on top of the agony that pounded inside him.

He needed to pull himself together; it had been over three years since the incident and it shouldn't still bother him this much. So why did it? Maybe because he wasn't as immune to extreme trauma as he thought he was. Lambert was always telling him he was human like everyone else and that it was okay to have feelings, and to actually _show _them. Apparently Lambert had never met his Dad.

John heard the door behind him and took another deep breath, trying to get his quivering insides to settle down enough to face whoever it was.

.

Dave saw that John hadn't gone far. He was leaning on the railing, his hands clasped together and his head resting on them. His shoulders moved up and down heavily. He wasn't sure what he should say or do. He'd just seen his brother in pain and knew he needed to offer some comfort. He was proud of himself for even realizing this. Six months ago he probably would have been oblivious.

He moved closer and tentatively touched John's shoulder. "John," he whispered. "I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do for you?"

John pushed himself up slightly so his hands now gripped the railing and gave a slight shake of his head.

"I, uh …just needed some air. It's, um …kind of stuffy inside."

Dave thought of the air conditioned house versus the warm outside but knew John wasn't really talking about temperature or atmospheric conditions.

"I had no idea," Dave admitted. "God! It looked painful!" He wasn't sure he should even say anything but that sort of just popped out.

John's eyes closed and he gave a quick nod. "It was."

Dave was left speechless again but he felt he needed to try. "John, I uh, … if you …"

John turned slowly and looked at his brother. "I know … thanks."

Dave looked relieved that John understood what he'd wanted to say but felt there was still more he should say.

"I don't know how you do it. I've come to realize, John that you're just about the strongest person I know. What you've been through, _then_ and the last five months… I don't think I could do it."

John turned all the way around and leaned back against the railing. "You could," he declared. "You're just as _stubborn_ as I am. Dad made sure of that."

Dave chuckled. "Dad said we'd be thankful one day for him being so tough on us. I guess he was right."

John chuckled, too. "Who knew we'd need it to recover from a life-sucking alien."

They both laughed at that and Dave knew he had helped a little bit in getting John to come out of the dark hole he'd just crawled into. He put his hand on John's shoulder again.

"You gonna be all right?

John gave a big sigh. "Yeah, I'll be fine. I always am. I'm just gonna get a bit more air before I come back in, if that's okay."

Dave nodded and squeezed John's shoulder. "Take your time."

When Dave got back into the den a commercial was just starting.

"What'd I miss?" Dave asked lightly.

Five pairs of concerned eyes turned in his direction with an assortment of; "How is he?" "Is he all right?" "John okay?" "What's up with Sheppard?" floating in his direction.

Dave shrugged and moved back to the recliner with Julia. "He says he's fine and just needs some air."

"He always says he's fine, even when he's not," Ronon grumbled.

"And after that Wraith thing?" Julia asked. "Did he say he was fine after that?"

They all nodded and Carson added, "Physically he was. Aside from the feeding scar, there wasn't a thing wrong with him."

"Weir even ordered him to see Heightmeyer a few times," Ronon said. "He was definitely pissed about that."

"The base psychologist," Rodney filled in for a confused Dave and Julia.

"There's no way you go through something like that unscathed," Julia said. "I can't believe he kept that all inside."

Teyla leaned forward on the couch. "I did have one … interaction with him shortly after he returned."

"Really?" Rodney asked. "You never told us."

"I do not tell you everything, Rodney," Teyla grinned. "However this was so slight it was not worth mentioning. The day after his return I found him on the Northern Pier. His eyes were focused far on the horizon and he looked pensive. I almost retreated so as not to disturb him but he had heard my footsteps and turned."

Teyla paused briefly then continued, "I expressed my relief that he had survived and told him of my horror and fears as we watched him being fed upon. My emotions took hold of me and I moved into his arms for comfort. John is usually very uncomfortable with any display of emotion but this time it did not seem a burden to him. His arms pulled me in and I truly believe he received as much comfort from the embrace as I did. I did not share this at the time as I knew that John would not want anyone to think him weak."

The commercial break ended and the show came back on. Dave thought he heard the kitchen door again and shuffling that stopped near the den. There was quiet for a few minutes as several interviews played on the screen interspersed with scenes from some market place in a faraway galaxy.

The shuffles started up again and a minute later he heard soft strains of the piano float in. It was just as well that John had not come back in as the reporters had edited together the footage from when he had gotten injured, including when he'd collapsed on the jumper floor unable to move.

They had made John out as the hero coming to their rescue in the nick of time with a spray of bullets and then taking the brunt of the attack while they escaped. But Dave knew John had said if the reporters had listened to him and Teyla in the first place, he never would have gotten hurt. They'd somehow neglected to put that part in.

The last part of the show was John's interview with Emmett Bregman here at the house. Bregman's voice-over narrated the long road John still had and the dedication and determination he had to recover. He then pointed out that these were the kind of people who populated Atlantis and then he rambled a bunch of bull about how great it was for all the nations to work together and be a part of this great adventure.

The film showed John rolling his wheelchair out of the room, something Dave was pretty sure John didn't know they were filming, and it morphed into the Stargate, like that's where he was going. Dave knew John would hate this part. His brother tried to stay in the shadows if he at all could.

He could still hear the sounds coming from the living room. The others apparently heard it, too.

"Is that John playing?" Rodney asked, intrigued. "I couldn't believe the video Teyla brought back showing him play. He never let on that he knew how."

"Whenever he was upset," Dave began, "he used to go play. He got his anger out on the keys. I think my Dad used to piss him off just to get him to practice."

Rodney's eyebrows rose at this and he got up and walked toward the music. The others followed a step behind.

"You know, Sheppard," Rodney complained from the doorway, "I can't believe you never told us you could play the piano."

John stopped playing and looked at McKay as he moved closer to the large instrument. "It's not like we have a piano on Atlantis."

"No," Rodney returned. "But _**I **_told _you _I could play, you should have told me."

John made a face at his friend. "What was the point, McKay? I hadn't played in years."

"That's because your Dad wasn't around to get you upset," Rodney told him.

John's eyes narrowed. "What are you talking about?"

"Your brother said…"

"Oh, Dr. McKay," Dave interrupted, "you probably shouldn't have told him that."

"Told me what?" John demanded as he watched everyone else join them in the formal room.

Ronon answered bluntly, "Your Dad used to piss you off so you'd practice."

"You knew this?" John accused Dave, his eyes glaring.

"He never actually told me he did it on purpose," Dave denied. "But a few weeks before the recital when you were supposed to do 'Flight of the Bumblebee', Dad got real mad at you for leaving one of the horses out, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember," John ground out. "Because I hadn't done it!"

"I know. I did," Dave confessed then started again before John could say anything more. "And I _told_ Dad I did. And I asked him why he didn't go tell you he was wrong."

"Because Dad never _admitted _he was wrong!" John spat out.

"No," Dave contradicted. "He told me you'd practice better if you were mad at him. That you always practiced better that way."

John just sat staring at his brother not knowing what to say, especially in front of his friends. But he almost didn't care that they were here. He found, right now, he needed some information from Dave.

"Why would Dad do that? He never cared if I could play. Mom was the one who wanted us to take lessons. And I remember that performance." John took a deep breath. "It was the first one we did after Mom died."

"You're wrong that Dad didn't care," Dave said. "He cared a lot once he realized how good you were. You should have seen him, lapping up all the compliments after the show. Everyone couldn't tell him enough how great you were. You didn't realize because you'd already left to go sulk in the car."

John's eyes glimmered with mischief. "I wasn't sulking in the car. Mark Phillips had managed to steal some beer without his old man finding out. We were out back drinking 'em."

Dave's eyes popped. "You were barely fifteen, what the hell were you thinking? Dad would have killed you if he'd found out."

"Well, he didn't find out," John stated. "I didn't want to go to the stinkin' recital so I figured if I had to go I was gonna get something out of it. Besides, he practically broke my arm dragging me out to the car, what else could he do to me?"

"Plenty!" Dave answered.

Teyla looked concerned. "Would your father truly have injured you?"

John shook his head quickly. "No," he assured her. "He never physically hurt us. He'd yell and scream for a while then ground us for a couple of _years_, and then he'd make us do something really nasty like muck out the stalls for a few weeks."

Teyla looked confused so Julia translated, "Clean up the horse poop."

Teyla smiled at the image of a young John performing this duty.

John shook his head again, this time with a half grin on his face. "I can't believe he did that." He turned around and plunked out a tune.

"Ooh!" Rodney squealed. "We could play a duet. I used to be pretty good you know."

John looked doubtful but moved over on the bench and said, "Okay, start playing something and I'll join in."

Everyone grabbed a seat as Rodney complained, "I can't just play anything. What if you don't know the song? You can't have memorized every piece of music there is."

"He doesn't need to know the music to play it," Dave informed him. "Trust me. Just play."

It was Rodney's turn to look skeptical but his fingers warmed up with a quick scale then he started something classical he remembered from his own days of lessons. John listened for a few counts of eight then added his own notes to Rodney's. They weren't exactly the same but the tune was complementary and added a lot to the overall quality of the music.

When they ended, Rodney was mystified. "How the heck did you do that Sheppard? Had you played that before?"

John shook his head. "I don't even know what the song was. I just added something with a similar beat and timing that wouldn't overpower what you were playing."

"It was wonderful!" Julia praised.

John and Rodney turned around to realize Teyla had gotten the video recorder and had it aimed at them. John turned back around and started singing to his new tune.

"Old MacDonald had a farm, E I E I O."

Rodney laughed but his fingers joined John's on the keys. "And on that farm he had a pig, E I E I O."

Teyla laughed also but continued to tape. She knew Torren would enjoy it immensely.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

.

_The wind howled and pelted the rain against John's face, stinging his skin. The little communicator in his hand vibrated with Kolya's threat. "Dr. Weir is dead if you don't disconnect the grounding rods."_

_John started running through the corridors, bullets flying past him as he dodged Kolya's men. A door in front of him opened and he saw a pedestal table in front of him. This must be what he needed._

_He looked at the design and saw nine tiles to one side. He picked them up and started placing them on the three by three grid on the table. He reached out to place his hands on the outlines on each side when he heard a warning._

"_Don't do it, Sir! It'll kill you if you're wrong."_

_He looked toward the voice and his breath caught in his throat when he saw Ford and Teyla with their hands behind their heads in surrender. Kolya was standing behind them with a gun. _

"_Choose and go, Colonel!"Kolya demanded but Ford argued, "He's only a Major."_

_Kolya just moved the gun closer to his team and demanded, "Choose and go!"_

_John looked again at the tiles and moved his hands into position. Immediately large metal bands clamped around his wrists. He started to panic and pull on his hands but they were stuck tight._

"_You were wrong," Rodney said by his side. "You should have listened to me."_

_John pulled at his hands once more and yelled, "McKay, get me out of this!"_

_He could hear Ford and Teyla calling for him and Kolya's cackling laugh echoing in the chamber. He pulled at his hands again and saw that they were now at his sides and he was strapped to a chair. _

_Kolya was talking into some sort of camera. "If you want him back, Dr. Weir, I'll need lots of C-4."_

"_Forget it, Kolya!" Elizabeth's voice came through the device. "You won't get anything from us. Sorry, John."_

_John tried to respond but he found he suddenly had a gag around his mouth. _

"_If that's the way you want it then," Kolya returned then looked at the Wraith who was now standing in front of John. "Take your fill!"_

_John looked up with panicked eyes and saw Todd raise his hand in preparation to feed. John tried to yell but the gag prevented it. _

_As Todd lowered his hand toward John's chest he said, "You are strong, John Sheppard, the strongest human I have fed upon. Your strength will now be mine."_

_And with that he thrust his hand upon John's chest and intense pain ripped through him. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't yell; he could only sit there with agony lancing through his entire body. It was almost over, he would soon be only a dried out husk._

_The pain stopped and he was on his knees and his hands were now out to his side, held with strong rope by two of Kolya's men. _

"_Give me the codes, Colonel!" Kolya demanded as he stood in front of John with a lethal looking knife. _

"_Forget it!" John spat out. The gag had disappeared. _

"_Okay, Johnny Boy, we do this the hard way," and Kolya lifted the knife and brought it down to slice through John's wrist. _

_The pain was excruciating and John fell forward only to be kicked over and propped against a tree, his severed limb cradled against his chest, oozing blood._

"_Come on, Colonel, last chance." Kolya's voice roused him again. "Be a good boy and I might let them live."_

_John looked up and there, in the middle of the village square, were Rodney, Carson, Ronon and Teyla. They were all on their knees, guns pointed at their heads._

"_Leave them alone, Kolya!" John warned. "It's me you want." _

"_What I want, Sheppard," came Kolya's ice cold voice, "is to see you suffer."_

_He slapped John across the face a few more times. _

"_But you can take more abuse than any man I've ever known. So, looks like I'll have to make you suffer in a different way."_

_He walked over to the four people on their knees and one by one pulled the trigger until they were all lying on the ground, puddles of blood spreading out beneath them._

"_Nooo!" John screamed and tried to move toward them but found hands holding him back. He struggled and grabbed at the arms that held him. _

"John! John! You must wake up!" Teyla shook him vigorously. She had awoken several minutes ago with a sense of dread she could not explain. After a brief moment of meditation she had realized it was coming from John.

She had rushed in here to find him thrashing about on the bed, his face contorted in anguish. His ramblings made little sense until she heard what sounded like, "Kolya."

After the news program tonight she was not surprised that John was reliving that particular nightmare. As she brought him to wakefulness, he grabbed her arms and bolted upright in bed, his face damp and filled with emotional pain.

"John, you are fine now," she reassured him. "It was only a dream."

His breathing was harsh and his chest heaved up and down as silent lucidity finally appeared on his face.

"Teyla!" he rasped in a voice filled with gravel.

His eyes devoured her and he continued, "You're okay! You're okay!" his voice filled with relief.

"I am fine," Teyla promised him. "My concern is for you, John. You were having a nightmare."

His breathing was still labored and heavy but his grip on her arms loosened.

"I'm sorry, did I hurt you?" His hands ran gently up and down her arms.

Her hands moved to frame his face and push the dampened hair from his forehead. "I am unharmed."

When John realized Teyla was truly okay, his relief was almost more than he could take in his highly emotional state. He pulled her into his arms and buried his face in the crook of her neck. She held him back, stroking his hair and whispering reassurances to him, as she sometimes did when Torren awoke distraught from a bad dream.

After a few minutes of comfort, John pulled back slightly and whispered, "Thanks, Teyla. I'm sorry I whigged out on you there."

"There is no need to apologize. It is hardly surprising you had a nightmare after seeing the news show. Do you think you will be able to go back to sleep now?"

John pulled his legs up past Teyla and dropped them over the edge of the bed. His hands rubbed at his eyes and then his entire face. He pushed himself off the bed and took a wobbly step to the dresser. He plucked out a pair of cotton pajama pants and quickly slipped them on.

He moved toward the door and Teyla followed him. He put his hands on Teyla's shoulders and said, "Thanks for coming to my rescue."

He placed a kiss on her forehead. "Why don't you go back to bed? I'm gonna sit up for a little while."

Teyla pushed at the hair hanging in his face again. "I would be willing to sit up with you; unless you prefer to be alone."

"Are you sure?" John asked. "I'd love some company but it's really late."

"I do not mind at all," Teyla smiled at him. "And perhaps there might be some small reward for my sacrifice."

"A reward, huh?" John said as they walked toward the kitchen. "Hmm, let me think."

He pulled out a pan, poured some milk in it and set it on the stove. "Some people swear by warm milk to help them sleep. My thought is if you're going to have warm milk it should have some cocoa in it. It's really more of a wintertime thing but you said reward and I figured, why not!"

Teyla watched as John scooped several spoonfuls of brown powder into the pan and stirred. "So my reward is this … warm cocoa?"

John nodded. "You'll love it."

When it was done they carried it to the kitchen table and sat side by side to drink it. John asked Teyla for some stories from when she was a child since Dave seemed to be freely doling out so many of his.

Teyla smiled and began telling him about her parents and some of the things they had done together. She tried to avoid anything too sad or tragic and concentrated on some of her friends and early adventures they'd had.

"I'll bet you were a handful," John guessed.

Teyla grinned. "There were times I did not always follow my parent's rules. Like your story, I, too, snuck some Ruis wine with a friend when I was much too young to enjoy it."

"What happened? Did you get caught?"

"Not at the time, no. But we ignored the warnings we had always heard and consumed a greater quantity than we should have."

"Did you end up singing old Army songs like I did the first time I had that stuff?"

Teyla smiled widely at that memory. She knew she had fallen a little more in love with him at that time.

"No, we drank far too much in a very short period of time. We became extremely ill."

"Puked, huh?"

"I believe that is what you call it," Teyla confirmed. "It was many seasons before I dared even take another sip."

At that she took a last sip of the frothy chocolate mixture in front of her. John put his elbow on the table and leaned his head against his hand, staring straight at her. He noticed she had a trace amount of chocolate on her upper lip and he felt it was his duty to help her get rid of it.

He moved closer and pulled her head toward his. "You still have chocolate on your lips," he whispered as his tongue poked out and licked it away.

His mouth completely covered hers as his arms pulled her even closer. Their lips danced to the rhythm of their hearts for what seemed like an eternity. When they finally pulled apart, Teyla gasped for air.

"That is more of what I had in mind for a reward."

"Really?" John's eyes glowed with mischief. "Why didn't you say so?"

"I enjoyed the cocoa as well," Teyla added with a smile.

She moved the mugs to the sink as John limped into the den. When she joined him there, he was sitting in the recliner with a quilt he'd taken from his room, in his hands. She looked at him questioningly.

"I'm just gonna sit in the chair, maybe put the TV on. You should probably get some sleep. I appreciate your sitting up with me for a while."

Teyla knew the effects of the nightmare had not quite worn off and John was apprehensive about closing his eyes again. She also knew he would never admit it.

"Is there room on that seat for me, as well? I would be more than happy to drive away any more nightmares that wander by."

John just rolled his eyes that Teyla had known what was going on in his mind. He moved over and after shutting off the kitchen lights, she sat next to him. He leaned the recliner all the way back and clicked the TV on with the remote.

He found an old black and white movie and lowered the volume. This way Teyla might fall back asleep even though he knew he probably wouldn't.

"This quilt is quite beautiful," Teyla commented as John spread it out over them.

"My Mom made it when she was sick. She was determined to finish it before she …" John paused and gave an audible swallow. "She made sure she finished it."

Teyla curled up on her side, resting in the crook of John's arm, her head on his chest. His right hand found its way between her pajama top and bottom and caressed the smooth skin of her back. Teyla's right hand repeated the pattern on John's chest. After a few minutes, Teyla's hand stopped and John knew she had drifted back to sleep. His left hand lifted to encircle her completely and he leaned down to press his lips to the top of her head.

The nightmares had been so real, partly he figured because he _had_ really lived them. Okay, so not all at once and not exactly as he'd dreamed but they had definitely shaken him, especially when Kolya had killed all his friends. His arms closed tighter around Teyla and the feel of her rhythmic breathing made John relax more than he had all night.

When he got back to Atlantis, or maybe he should say _if_, … no, think positive, _when_ he got back, he hoped this thing with Teyla would continue to go forward. He could think of nothing nicer than going to sleep each night with her warm body snuggled up next to him like they were right now. But he still wasn't one hundred percent so he needed to focus on that goal first.

His eyes moved to the screen but the comfort of Teyla cuddled right up against him relaxed him so much, his own eyes drifted closed again, this time in sweet slumber.

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

"If I ever complain about life being hard, would you remind me of that program last night and all that your brother and their friends have gone through," Julia instructed her fiancé as they came down the stairs and entered the kitchen early Sunday morning.

"Yeah, I know," David agreed and nodded at her. He pulled her in for an embrace and a quick kiss and said, "Definitely an eye opener and I _knew _a lot of that stuff. It still amazes me, the strength John has, even after seeing what he's accomplished over the past five months"

Julia reached up for another kiss. "He's got a pretty amazing brother, too."

She untangled herself and moved away saying, "I'm just going to peek and see if anyone's stirring down here."

She moved to the door of the den and looked at the rooms beyond. The doors were ajar and the TV was on but there was no sign of life. She moved into the room and heard a faint sound directly to her left. A smile came to her face as she saw John and Teyla in the recliner. Teyla was half laying on John whose arms were securely wrapped around her.

The quilt from John's room lay over them askew. Julia glanced back into the kitchen and got David's attention. He looked in, smiled then dragged Julia back with him.

"Let them rest. I can't imagine John slept very well last night, not after seeing himself tortured on national TV."

Julia nodded. "It looks like Teyla helped him out though. It's a good thing she was here. I don't imagine you'd be too happy if I had to snuggle with him like that on the recliner."

She gave him a sassy grin and he swatted her on the behind. "Oh, you are a handful of trouble, you know that, woman."

Julia sidled closer and wrapped her arms around David's neck, pressing tightly against him. "And you love it!" she purred.

David couldn't disagree. His arms followed suit and his lips lowered to hers.

.

xoxoxo xoxoxo xoxoxox

.

John could feel consciousness beckoning but he didn't want to listen. He felt safe and warm and he'd had the most incredible dream of Teyla pressed closely against him.

As he awoke a bit further he felt a weight on his chest and something incredibly soft in his hands. This brought him awake faster than usual and he realized Teyla truly was right there with him. He remembered the nightmares and the hot cocoa and Teyla volunteering to chase away his monsters. He hadn't thought he'd fall asleep again but apparently he had.

He took inventory, noting Teyla's head on his chest, one hand just south of his naval and the other one felt like it was resting near his thigh. He didn't dare move as her legs were intertwined with his and one of them was awfully close to a very delicate area.

His own hands he discovered were wrapped around Teyla. His left had found its way under her top to rest on her rib cage, his thumb dangerously close to her breast. His right hand lay on her back but his fingers had somehow found their way under the waistband of her bottoms. He figured after all that work, they should be rewarded.

They started moving, caressing her silky skin and John closed his eyes and softly groaned at the unbelievable sensation. He could tell Teyla was starting to wake up as well when her hand started to explore also. When it dipped lower, under his waistband, John sucked in a huge breath and shifted onto his side.

"Oh, that's dangerous territory, sweetie. You might want to rethink that."

Teyla paused for a moment then moved her hand up John's chest and shifted so they were lying face to face. Her eyes opened fully and a half smile played about her lips.

"Did you just call me sweetie?"

John's eyes narrowed in recollection then opened in surprise. "Oh, I think I did. It … just … kind of … came out. I didn't actually think about doing it."

Teyla pressed her lips briefly to his and whispered, "I do not disapprove."

"Good," he whispered back then forgot what they'd been talking about when he felt one of her legs sliding between his and the other one drape over his hip. His hands immediately moved back to their former location as his mouthed latched onto hers.

Her hands also roved and explored as their mouths fought for dominance over the other. After a while John's mouth pulled away from Teyla's and worked its way down her neck.

It was cruising even lower when he heard a very obvious cough and a deep, "You're in the den, little brother," and then a set of footsteps moving away.

John stilled instantly, as did Teyla but where Teyla blushed and hid her head in John's chest, John just laughed.

Teyla's head popped up, indignant. "John!"

He pulled her in for a quick hug and apologized. "I'm sorry Teyla, I wasn't laughing at us. It's just that when Dave and I were teenagers and we'd bring a girl home, we'd each try and embarrass the other with that exact line, _if _things got a little hot and heavy."

John pushed the chair back to a sitting position and asked, "Are you okay?"

"I am fine," Teyla assured him. "I am just embarrassed that I completely forgot where we were."

John grinned and winked, "That just means I was doing something right."

Teyla laughed and pushed herself out of the chair.

.

.

A few hours later, John and Teyla were sitting in a pew with Dave and Julia, and John was thinking this hadn't been such a good idea. He'd totally forgotten that a few million other people had also seen the Atlantis report last night showing _him_ quite often and announcing he was the son of Patrick Sheppard.

Teyla had gotten plenty of airtime, too, and now he was sitting in the middle of a large church, feeling like everyone's eyes were on them. He knew he wasn't just imagining it either. Many people blatantly stared, whispered behind their hands or even pointed at him and Teyla.

When they were sharing the Sign of Peace, more people than usual made it a point to shake their hands. He'd barely had a chance to give Teyla and Julia a quick kiss on the cheek and shake Dave's hand when others from several pews over were reaching for them.

And it took forever for them to actually get out of church. Dave and Julia usually chatted quite a bit on their way out but just last weekend none of the sycophants had cared a hoot who he or Teyla were. Talking to the great and powerful David Sheppard was their only goal. Today, every one of them insisted on being introduced.

And they all felt the need to touch Teyla somehow. The worst part was how they stared at her, dissecting her, looking for some sign that she wasn't human. None of them actually said it but you knew the conversation for the next few weeks would be that they had met, touched and talked to an alien.

When they finally made it out of the church, John groaned when he saw the crowd outside that had yet to disperse as they usually did. Quite a few people were on their cell phones and a few were even pointing them in his direction, using the built in camera no doubt.

Teyla was taking it all in stride, or so he thought. As he moved unsteadily down the few steps, his cane in one hand Teyla's arm in the other, she suddenly grabbed hold of him. His head turned in the direction she was looking and he groaned at the sight. More freakin' reporters! It was only one camera and someone with a microphone but he looked familiar and John thought he worked for one of the bigger news outfits.

He let out a loud whistle he hoped Dave would remember from when they were kids and nodded towards the approaching news team. Dave normally thrived on dealing with the press but one look at John and Teyla's worried faces and he knew today wasn't the day for an interview.

He quickly said goodbye to the couple he was chatting with and moved toward the SUV. John and Teyla were trying to get through the crowd as well. They'd almost made it when the reporter intercepted them.

"Colonel Sheppard, Frank Madigan, with the CBS News affiliate. Can I ask you a few questions?"

"No," John shook his head. "Not now." He didn't want Teyla exposed to this and _he_ really didn't want to talk to the guy either. It was his kind who had completely screwed up the last five months of his life!

"Teyla Emmagen!" Madigan called as John tried to move Teyla closer to the car.

"How are you enjoying your visit to Earth? Is this your first trip here?"

Teyla looked confused but her common courtesy had her answering, "Your planet is impressive but I have only experienced a very small part of it."

"How long are you here for?" Madigan threw another question at her.

As Dave got closer and managed to unlock the car doors, he lobbed one at John from his position right beside him.

"When will you be going back to Atlantis again, Colonel?"

John nudged Teyla toward the open back door and took the few shaky steps he needed to get there, too. As he lifted the cane to climb in, he shot back acidly, "When I can walk again."

As soon as he was in, Dave put the car in gear and slowly pulled out of the parking lot. John leaned his head back and closed his eyes. He felt Teyla's hand cover his and squeeze.

Once they were on the road, Julia turned around and asked, "Are you two all right?"

Teyla was quick to respond. "I am unharmed. John?" Her hand squeezed his again.

"I'm fine," he softly growled. "I just hate those damn vultures. If it wasn't for them I wouldn't be in this shape."

"And you wouldn't have spent all this time with David and me!" Julia chirped happily although he knew she was by no means insinuating his 'accident' was a good thing.

He gave a slight chuckle and closed his eyes again. His sleep last night had been sporadic at best and even though it was only mid-morning, he was really tired. He felt Teyla lean against him and realized she'd been up a good deal of the time that he had been. She was probably tired, too.

His arm moved behind her and he held her close until they got home.

As they approached the driveway, John heard Dave mutter a quiet, "Damn!" and he opened his eyes to see several news vans parked by the road. Luckily none of them had been gutsy enough to actually go _up_ the driveway.

When they got in the house, Dave excused himself to make a few calls. He needed to arrange for some extra security to patrol the grounds and keep the reporters at bay.

Carson, Rodney and Ronon were at the kitchen table, each with a cup of coffee in front of them.

"Are you hungry?" Julia asked. "I can throw together some breakfast."

"Rodney's always hungry!" John joked and his friend balked at the statement.

"I am not _always_ hungry," Rodney defended then added, "Although I do happen to be hungry right now."

Chuckles went through the room. John dropped into a chair near Ronon and Teyla joined them a minute later with a cup of coffee for John and tea for herself.

"Thanks, Teyla!" John smiled and took a cautious sip of the steaming brew.

"Oh, Rodney! You made this, didn't you?" John grimaced.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" Rodney asked.

"Because it's lethal," John replied and looked toward Ronon and Carson. _Okay, never mind Ronon, the man had a cast iron stomach and could eat or drink pretty much anything._

When John's eyes landed questioningly on Carson, the doctor smirked and said, "I made myself a lovely cup of tea."

John looked longingly over at Teyla's cup and mumbled, "That might have been the better option."

Teyla took pity on him and offered, "Would you like me to get you a cup of tea, John?"

"Tempting," John answered, "But no, you sit and enjoy yours. I need the caffeine."

He took another sip and made an exaggerated face.

"Oh, suck it up, Sheppard!" Rodney whined. "It's good for you. It'll put hair on your chest."

"Just what he needs is more of _that_!" Julia chuckled as she placed plates and silverware in the middle of the table. "Food in about five minutes."

Teyla got up to help Julia bring it to the table. Dave showed up a minute later as they began eating.

"The security company will have half a dozen men here within the hour to make sure those reporters stay off the property."

"You know the phone rang a few dozen times while you were away," Rodney announced. "I didn't pick up but you could hear some of the messages being left. Most of them were from reporters and news stations."

"Yeah, I checked the messages while I was in the office. One of them was from Uncle George." Dave looked across at John. "He seemed a little P.O.'d that we didn't tell him his nephew had been living on a different planet in another galaxy."

John just smirked and chewed a bite of pancake. "I can call him later if you want," John offered. "I'll just remind him how he and Dad always used to say I must have been from a different planet."

Dave's smile grew wide at the memory and he nodded at John.

.

.

The rest of the day was spent relaxing and enjoying the company of all. Dave ended up shutting off the phone to avoid the constant ringing. The pool was used for a while then Dave showed Ronon and Teyla how to play football.

Julia, Carson and John all joined in while Rodney opted to sit in the shade of a large umbrella on the porch. After his knee buckled a few too many times, John decided to join Rodney with a beer. He handed one to his friend then sat with his own.

Rodney tried to refuse but John simply said, "Drink it!"

Rodney stopped complaining and took a sip. "That bothers you doesn't it?" he said cryptically.

John looked puzzled. "What are you talking about?"

Rodney pointed to the others running around on the grass beyond the pool.

John just sighed then shrugged. "That I can't play to that level? I won't lie, yeah, it does. But when Teyla and T.J. were here a few months back I couldn't even stand up. I guess I have to keep remembering that."

"Last time _**I**_ saw you," Rodney reminded him, "you weren't able to move or talk at all. And that was only five months ago."

John smiled and nodded again. "Yeah."

Silence took over as they watched the others frolic around the yard. Rodney looked uncomfortable and John wondered why. Finally Rodney took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry, John."

John's eyes blinked a few times as he looked at his friend. "Why? What'd you do?"

Rodney continued to look uncomfortable. "I haven't been there for you during your recovery. I should have been. You've always been there for me. When I got zapped by that Ancient machine and got superpowers, you were right there for me. When I got that parasite in my head and reverted to a childlike, babbling idiot, you never gave up on me. But when you really needed someone to help you through this, I wasn't there. I should have been."

He looked up at John looking for forgiveness.

"Rodney," John just shook his head and gave him a tiny smile. "We were on different planets, heck different galaxies. It's … fine."

Rodney shook his head. "No, no it's not fine. You've been an unbelievable friend to me and I don't have a whole lot of those. And I wasn't there for you. I should have been."

"Rodney!" John interrupted his friend's litany. "You're here _now_," he said firmly. "And that means a lot to me. Thank you!"

Rodney gave a doubtful smile but John thought he looked relieved.

"Besides, you sent me all those long, rambling e-mails. Those helped, they really did. They pulled me back to sanity a few times when I thought I was gonna lose it. So you _were_ here for me, Rodney, just … not physically."

Rodney wasn't sure if he believed him or not but he hated feeling guilty, so he did.

He watched John for the next few minutes. He was keeping his eyes on the group as they played football. There was definite longing there and Rodney, again, felt guilty that John had been stuck here working his butt off just to get his body working normally again and they'd all been on Atlantis together.

Not that being on Atlantis had been any kind of a picnic. They'd all had dealings with the Wraith, a few problems with some rogue Genii and the bazillion other difficulties with trying to power a city that large, find food for all her inhabitants and diplomatically deal with the myriad other planets and people of the Coalition.

But their team had been together, well all except John. And Rodney had Jennifer and Ronon had been spending a good deal of time with Amelia and Teyla… Well Teyla didn't have Kanaan anymore but she did have Torren.

And he'd heard more than a few guys speculating on when Teyla would start dating and who it would be. They were all hoping they'd be the one, so she'd had no shortage of willing company. But she was a Mom now, maybe she was past the whole dating thing. Or she just needed more time to get over Kanaan.

He'd never really asked her about it. He'd just accepted when she'd told him the guy was no longer in the picture. Maybe he should be a better friend and see if she needed to talk about it. But he knew she and Jennifer had plenty of gab sessions so maybe he should ask Jennifer first if Teyla would want him to bring it up. And maybe she wouldn't and he'd be off the hook.

Especially since Teyla wasn't one to wear her emotions on her sleeve. She and Sheppard were a lot alike in that respect. Rodney chuckled to himself_. Maybe those two should get together; they have so much in common_. Of course if they did, they'd never actually tell each other how they felt.

He smiled again at his little joke and looked at Sheppard again. He was still staring at the others, a wistful expression on his face. Rodney got up, walked into the house and brought John another beer.

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xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N If you haven't read 'A Letter From Pegasus' yet, I suggest you do so before this chapter. It's just a short little ficlet but is important to understanding part of this chapter.**

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

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"No, no, no, no, no! It'll be fun!" Rodney promised as the Lanteans settled in the den after a late steak dinner that Rodney had insisted he needed since _real _beef was so rare in Pegasus.

"This game is great! We just need some pads of paper for everyone."

John got up reluctantly and grabbed a stack of legal pads he'd seen in the bottom of Dave's desk in his office. Lucky Dave and Julia had managed to get out of this game to meet with their Wedding Planner.

Everyone grabbed a pad of paper and Rodney attempted to explain how to play. John wasn't really listening. It had something to do with writing definitions and drawing pictures and the only one who seemed to be scoring any points was Rodney. And he was pretty happy about that.

John and Ronon got bored quickly and started writing and drawing things that were either completely fabricated or unbelievably obscene. Carson looked confused most of the time and Teyla just kept shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

After a few hours of this and a few beers, everyone seemed to be getting punchy but no one wanted to call it a night. They all knew they'd be saying goodbye in the morning. The Apollo was scheduled to pick them up around 7:30.

"All right, come on, just one last round," Rodney encouraged and he tore off the top few sheets of his legal pad ready to start again.

"Why, McKay?" Ronon argued. "You've already got more points than all of us put together."

Rodney just smirked. "Yes, I know. That's because I'm actually taking this game seriously. I may need a new pad of paper after this round."

He flipped through his paper to show he didn't have much left. As he did, a folded piece of white paper fell out. Rodney opened it and looked confused then flipped through his pad again.

"Uh, Sheppard?" he said handing the pad over to John. "I think this is yours."

Puzzled, John looked at the separate white paper then briefly at the yellow legal pad. He quickly tucked the extra paper inside then folded the few sheets back over what he'd read. He struggled to his feet and tilted his chin in his friends' direction.

"Uh, … go ahead and start this round without me. I, uh … just need to …" and he stuck his thumb in the direction of the door. A few offers to wait for him to come back floated in his direction but John didn't hear them.

He limped into Dave's office, slowly turned on the desk lamp and shut the door behind him. He carefully sat in the chair and pulled it close to the desk. Then he pulled out the extra sheet of paper. He looked at it again and wondered how it had managed to get inside this legal pad inside this house.

It was a copy of the letter he had written to the parents of Jake Walker when he'd been killed. He remembered Jake and the incident like it was yesterday. It was kind of hard to forget even though he hadn't actually been there. Jake had been one of the two Marines who had been killed during the initial op to get Iratus bug embryos to save him from completely turning into a bug.

He looked back at the legal pad and cautiously lifted the few blank sheets to see the familiar handwriting underneath. He was almost afraid to read it. He took his time completely tearing off the extra sheets then very carefully tore off the few with writing on them. He moved everything aside, adjusted in his seat again and looked down at the handwriting that he knew belonged to Patrick Sheppard.

_Dear John,_

_I know the last thing you'd expect is a letter from your father, but I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and realized there are some things you need to know. _

_I guess the first thing I should say, mostly because it's the hardest one for me, is I'm sorry. Yes, your father is actually apologizing for something. Enjoy it, son, it doesn't happen often. But seriously, I'm sorry for a great many things. The first one , that it's been five years since we've last seen or spoken to each other. And I know much of that is my fault. I admit I always hated the idea of you going into the military and I did everything in my power to keep that from happening. _

_But your desire to join far out powered my desire to keep you in the family business. And I have to tell you, though you probably won't believe it, that I respected the hell out of you for it, for sticking to your guns. Even with all the hurtful things I said to you, you never gave in. Never gave up your dream. Unfortunately it wasn't the dream I had for you._

_So, here's the second thing I'm sorry for; thinking you should live out my dream and not your own._

John couldn't believe he was reading this. But it was his father's handwriting, no doubt about it. He checked the date on the letter and it was just a short while after he'd written the letter to Walker's parents. How the hell did his Dad get a copy of that letter? And did that letter have anything to do with his father admitting he was sorry in his own letter? There was still quite a bit more but John was almost afraid to read on. He took a deep breath and focused on the page again.

_I never understood your fascination with flying and participating in the most dangerous activities. I always felt you were given your gift with numbers so you could help our company grow and expand. It didn't make sense to me that you would throw away that gift for something as frivolous as flying. But now I see that flying was just a small part of what you wanted to accomplish. You always were a very giving person, doing what you could for others. Now I see that you serve and give to the millions of people in our country not just the thousands in our company._

_Another thing I'm sorry for is not telling you enough how important you are to me. One of the reasons I was so against your joining the service was my fear that you would be prematurely, violently taken away from me. I loved your mother deeply and when she died I felt like part of me had died, too. I thought if I held on tight enough to you I wouldn't feel that pain again. But I fear I smothered you, leaving you unable to breathe. I never meant to do that. I just wanted you with me, working together, being together, like families should be. But my methods only drove you further away and the pain came anyway. I regret that more than anything else. _

_I kept hoping and praying that you would come to your senses and see that the life I had planned for you was the right one. But it was my plan and not yours. I see that now. _

The page started to get blurry and John had to shake his head and blink a few times to clear it. Anger and despair ripped through him, fighting for domination. His father had written this letter almost four years ago, why had it never been sent? He looked down for more clues.

_I've been following your career as best I could, although many of the details are still unclear. You've made it all the way to Lt. Colonel and I have to tell you I'm extremely proud of you. You always had the makings of a great leader. You're highly intelligent, charismatic, practical yet not afraid to think outside the box and you have a loyalty to those you feel deserve it. I always knew you'd do great things, even if I never told you. I just wish you'd done them here, with me._

_The last thing I'm sorry about is that I never told you these things earlier. I know I was very hard on you and your brother, probably harder on you since you resisted so much. But in my own twisted way, I did it because I wanted you to be strong. I wanted you to be able to survive anything. I wanted you to be a fighter and always get what you wanted. I guess it backfired because I made you stronger than me. In the end I know I'm the loser because I lost you, your respect for me and possibly even your love. I hope not, the thought of you hating me twists inside more painfully than anything I've endured. _

_I hope this letter reaches you and you are happy and well. And I hope you can forgive your old man for all the grief he put you through. I've always loved you, John and I've always been proud of you and I'm more sorry than I can say that I let my stupid pride get in the way of my love for you. If I haven't completely killed your feelings for me, I hope you'll consider at least writing to let me know you're okay. It's been far too long since I've seen my son and I miss you terribly._

_All my love,_

_Dad_

By the time John finished the letter, the paper was blurry again and now it was trembling as well. John lowered his gaze and realized his hands were shaking, the cause of the vibrating note.

He dropped the pages and clenched his hands into fists to try and retain a bit of control. It didn't work.

He looked down at the papers and several words leaped out at him. '_sorry_', '_proud of you_', '_stupid pride_', '_stronger than me_' , '_love you_'.These were words he would never have guessed his father would have written, not to anyone and especially not to the screw up son who'd never done anything to please him.

He looked around the room waiting for someone to jump out and tell him it was all an elaborate joke. Except it wasn't even remotely humorous.

He spread the pages out, soaking up the image of his father's handwriting, knowing it had been far too long since he'd seen it. For years he'd held out hope that his Dad would somehow mellow and let his youngest son back into his life. And apparently he had but for some unknown reason this letter had never been sent.

Who knows, maybe his Dad had just written it as a kind of cathartic release. Maybe it was never meant to be sent. But the message was genuine. He didn't know how he knew that but he didn't figure his father was into writing fiction of this kind.

More words swam before his eyes, literally. He could feel the moisture pooling there, a few drops making a path down his face. He tried to squelch it but it was much too powerful.

'_You hating me', 'painful', 'held on tight', 'regret', 'fear',_

His Dad had died thinking he hated him. He knew how painful that was. He thought his Dad had died hating _him_.

'_Twists inside painfully',_ yeah that was a good description of how he'd felt at the funeral. John looked down again at the last words; the little boy in him who'd so craved his father's approval came to the surface. '_Miss you terribly_' and '_All my love_'.

This time he couldn't even pretend to try. His hands skimmed through his hair then moved onward as his head lowered to rest on his forearms and his shoulders heaved in silent misery.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxoxo

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"You're all still up," Dave observed as he and Julia walked into the den. It was only eleven but they all had an early morning and he figured they'd want to be well rested. Then he noticed who was missing.

"John crash on you guys again?"

They all looked up, concern evident in their expressions.

"John is in your office. He has been there for approximately twenty five minutes," Teyla said and her voice indicated she thought something was wrong.

Before David could ask, Ronon offered, "McKay found some note stuck in one of these pads that seemed to freak him out a bit."

"I didn't read the whole thing," Rodney defended, "but the loose note was a condolence letter from John to Jake Walker's parents."

Very confused eyes darted around the room and Carson exclaimed, "Walker died more than four years ago."

Everyone else just shrugged and Rodney continued, "There was also a long, handwritten note for John. I think it was from your father." He looked at Dave. "I just saw something that said, 'a letter from your father' and I saw the words 'I'm sorry' so I handed it to John."

"John seemed bothered," Teyla told them, "and then he disappeared onto your office. We have not seen him since."

Dave's eyes grew troubled. A note from their father to John? It must have been hidden away as he knew nothing about it. Regardless of what it said, Dave knew it would be troubling to John. Thoughts of their father always were.

"Go see if he's all right," Julia urged but Dave had already started moving in that direction.

He gave a soft knock on the door but didn't wait for an invitation. He moved silently in and gently closed the door behind him. John gave no indication that he was aware of his brother's presence.

As he walked closer his heart constricted at the sight of John sitting at the desk, his head on his arm, the other arm curled _over_ his head as if he were trying to protect it from falling debris.

Dave shuffled his feet and gently cleared his throat to give John warning before he put his hand down on his brother's shoulder.

"John? What happened?"

John gave a big shuddering sigh and lifted his head. The sight Dave saw scared him immensely. John's eyes were all red and moist and they were filled with an intense pain.

"John?" Dave asked nervously. He hadn't seen his brother like this since their mother had died. And John had only been fourteen at the time.

"What is it?"

John visibly swallowed then picked up several sheets of yellow paper and handed them to Dave. When he spoke, his voice was like sandpaper. "Rodney found this in an old legal pad."

Dave looked at the letter and started to read. He could hear John pull a few tissues out of the box on the desk and blow his nose. Dave's eyes continued to peruse the papers in front of him and by the time he was done, his vision was blurry as well.

He looked down at John who seemed to have pulled himself together a bit. He opened his mouth then realized he had no idea what to say. But John did. His eyes still filled with sorrow, his voice was barely above a whisper.

"He died thinking I hated him." His eyes grew moist again. "I didn't you know. Hate him. But I thought that's how he felt about me."

Dave put his hand back on John's shoulder for comfort. "Dad never hated you, John. I told you that. And that he regretted what happened."

John glanced at the hand on his shoulder then up at his brother. "I know you did. I wasn't sure I always believed you."

John let out another huge sigh. "He never mailed this letter. I would have written back, you know. Even come to see him eventually if I was back on Earth."

Dave put the letter back on the desk and John noticed the white paper next to it. He picked it up.

"This was tucked inside the legal pad next to Dad's letter. Any idea how he got it?"

Dave read the letter and grew puzzled. He looked at the date and the heading and his mind started going back in time. Little tidbits of information started to surface and come together to resemble pieces of a puzzle. Dave's eyes roamed over the letter again then moved back to John.

"We have a Wayne Walker in Accounting. Now I'm not sure if this is related but I do remember that a few years back he took almost a week off for his cousin's funeral. He'd been a Marine killed in the line of duty. I remember that specifically because I'd thought of you and wondered if someday _we'd _get a message to that effect. I wonder if he gave this to Dad because now that I think about it, that was right about the time he gave Wayne a promotion. Nothing big but I was curious because even though the man was a good worker, I didn't remember him standing out enough for _Dad_ to step in and promote him."

"But if Dad had this," Dave indicated the paper, "and it seems he did, the fact that Walker's cousin saved your life … yeah I could see Dad doing something like that. A subtle 'thank you' so to speak."

"So Dad probably wrote this because he realized I'd almost died," John surmised.

Dave shook his head. "The letter may have spurred him on but you know Dad, he wasn't the type for platitudes. He wouldn't write something he didn't mean, especially emotion filled stuff like that, no way."

John nodded and agreed, "I know." He leaned over and rubbed his hands over his eyes then scrubbed his face then his hands went up to run through his hair.

"Sorry I'm such a nut case lately. When you brought me here I bet you didn't realize one of your jobs would be to mop me up off the floor every now and then."

Dave's mouth quirked into a slight grin. "I don't mind. I find I'm getting better at this mopping thing. And I've got a woman moving in with me permanently. From what I hear, they need mopping up quite often."

John snickered. "Are you saying I'm as bad as a woman?"

"Of course not," Dave denied but made an exaggerated face.

John swatted at him then said seriously, "Thanks for checking on me. Sorry to keep you up so late. I know it's an early morning tomorrow."

"Well, you've got friends out there that are very concerned about you. And they don't seem to care what time it is."

John looked over to the door then back to Dave. "Um … can you tell them I'll see them in the morning? I … uh … don't …"

"Yeah, I'll tell them," Dave finished for him. "Take your time. And John … if you need to talk … Just know that … Julia's really good at that sort of thing."

Twin grins showed up on the face of each brother as Dave moved toward the door leaving John to pick up the letter and read it again.

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Five sets of eyes landed on Dave as he walked back into the den, all concerned and curious.

"Is he okay?" Julia was the first to ask.

Dave gave a shrug and a nod. "Yeah, he just needs a little time right now. He said he'd see you all in the morning."

Rodney looked confused. "What was …?" then he stopped, actually realizing maybe the matter wasn't any of his business. But, damn it, John was his friend and he didn't like to see him hurting.

Dave gave a small smile and informed them, "It was a letter our Dad apparently wrote to John about four years ago. For some reason it never got mailed."

His eyes roamed the room. "I wish it had. It would have eliminated an awful lot of pain and misunderstanding."

Silence followed until Carson stood up and announced he was heading to bed since Ellis was picking them up quite early in the morning.

Rodney stood up too and finished, "Yeah, and he doesn't like to be kept waiting."

Everyone started to disperse and Dave and Julia locked up. They intercepted Teyla as she came out of the bathroom.

"Can you just listen for him?" Dave requested. "You know, in case he needs anything … or anyone … during the night."

"As he did last night," Teyla replied.

"Is that why you two were wrapped up on the recliner this morning?" Julia questioned.

"Yes, I felt his distress during a nightmare and sat up with him for a short while. He did not wish to return to his bed, so I offered to keep him company while he watched a movie. I fear I fell asleep very soon after. However he seemed to rest more peacefully after that."

Dave smiled. "He had you in his arms. I'm sure that helped."

Teyla bowed her head. "I will listen for him. Good night."

Dave and Julia went upstairs and Teyla moved toward the office door. She closed her eyes and concentrated on the person behind it. The barrage of emotion almost overwhelmed her. Sadness, regret, loss, relief all swirled together in a maelstrom of feelings she knew would be too difficult for John to handle alone.

But he had requested time and she would give it to him. He was a proud man and would not want others to see him weak. She hoped he would someday realize the ability to feel emotions was a gift, one that he should openly accept and share.

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xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

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Teyla's eyes fluttered open and she realized she'd fallen asleep. She hadn't meant to. She had been listening for John and had drifted off before she heard him. She looked at the clock. It was only slightly after midnight. She had not been asleep long.

She slipped out of bed and silently opened her door. John's door was slightly ajar and a small bedside light glowed softly showing Teyla that John was not in his bed. The rest of the house was dark so Teyla tapped lightly and entered the room calling, "John?"

As she moved into the room she could immediately see that he wasn't there but the sliding door to outside was open. She padded across the porch and down the patio where the glow of moonlight illuminated John's figure.

He was sitting in the grass in the middle of the yard where they had played football earlier; where John and Teyla and Torren had rolled the ball around several months back.

As she approached, John lifted his head and whispered, "Hi Teyla."

Teyla stopped a foot behind him and said, "How did you know it was me?"

He cocked his head to one side and replied, "I could smell you. You always smell amazing."

Teyla smiled and kneeled down behind him, wrapping her arms around his bare torso. She inhaled his scent and her hands moved of their own accord to frolic in the hair on his chest. Teyla saw he had on a pair of dark, cotton pajama pants so he must have been ready for bed.

"Could you not sleep?"

John leaned back further into Teyla and put his hands on her arms. He shook his head and said, "I'm sorry I didn't say goodnight to everyone. I should have. You're all leaving in the morning. I just um … I, uh …"

"It is all right, John," Teyla said softly next to his ear and she leaned closer to kiss his cheek.

He moved his head and skimmed his lips on her cheek as well. He shifted in place, tugged on her arms and moved her to kneel in front of him so they were facing each other. He noticed she didn't have the usual pajamas but these were even _more _enticing. It was a silky, knee length nightgown with tiny little straps and almost no back to speak of.

He lifted his eyebrow at Teyla as he acknowledged the new nightwear and her own brow rose in response. John's hands moved up to frame her face and Teyla rested hers on his chest. Their lips moved together as if pulled by a magnet.

The kiss was soft and gentle and spoke of caring and comfort. Their lips moved slowly, learning and remembering the taste and feel of the other. This slow, sweet melody lasted for several songs but Teyla felt at once the change in John. She knew when the realization hit that she would be returning home in the morning, leaving him alone again, missing her.

His hands pushed into her hair holding her tighter to him. His lips moved quicker, almost urgent in their conquest of her mouth. Her heart beat quicker and her breathing intensified, matching his.

One of John's hands moved down Teyla's exposed back, scorching a path across her skin. He started leaning back, pulling her with him and in seconds he could feel the grass on his back and the weight of Teyla on his chest.

He rolled to his side, his arms still around her, his lips still demanding her response. He continued rolling and when he was looking down at Teyla his hands grasped hers and positioned them above her head.

He held himself up on his forearms so as not to put his full weight on her. He paused briefly and looked down into her eyes that were filled with fire and passion. His breathing picked up and he lowered his head again.

"Teyla!" erupted from his mouth just seconds before it plundered hers again.

Teyla held tight the hands that held her firmly in place as her tongue peeked out to get a better taste of John. A groan came from John's throat as his tongue clashed with hers. John's lips and tongue strayed and left a trail of moisture across Teyla's cheek and down her neck. Her chin lifted and her back arched as John journeyed across to her shoulder.

His hands left hers and he pushed himself up slightly to gaze down at the sensual bundle beneath him. Her lids were heavy and her chest was heaving and John's own ardor was stoked even higher.

John pushed aside the ribbon on her shoulder releasing her breast from its silky prison. When he'd done the same for its partner he lowered his head close but not quite touching her. Teyla breathed out his name and arched her back again pushing her chest closer to his lips. He accepted the invitation.

His fingers decided to explore first, skimming the mounds and teasing the tantalizing peaks. Teyla's breathing grew ragged and John felt her legs part and slide around his hips. His tongue darted out and touched her nipple and at her indrawn breath he moved closer and suckled the whole thing into his mouth.

Teyla tensed, one hand on his head to keep him close, the other running down the heated skin of his back as her pelvis tilted to grind into his. His mouth continued its ministrations on one peak then moved to conquer the other.

He felt Teyla's thighs rubbing against his hips and he allowed one hand the pleasure of roaming the length of her velvety leg. Down the outside then up the inside. When he reached the top, Teyla rotated her hip and a gasp escaped her lips.

John tore his mouth from Teyla's chest, pulled back slightly and tried to reign in his desire and exercise some control. He had promised himself he wouldn't do this; not during this trip anyway. But it was very difficult with a half-naked Teyla lying under him, her hands exploring his backside underneath the waistband of his bottoms.

He lowered his forehead to touch hers and pressed his lips gently to her lips. He could tell she was on the edge and knew it would be cruel to stop right here, for her at least. Okay, for him, too, but he didn't care about himself. And there was still the little matter of untested appendages and not rushing things, not to mention the fact that they had no birth control nearby.

He didn't _ever_ want Teyla by default. He wanted her to know, in no uncertain terms, that he wanted and needed _her_, not just an available body. But looking down at the quivering goddess below him, he knew he had to do something to finish this for her.

He lowered his head and trailed his tongue and his lips across the bare skin of her torso then across the silk of her nightgown where they could feel the soft skin underneath.

Her knees were on either side of him so he sat back and allowed his hands to glide over her legs from ankles to hips. The bottom of her nightgown was pooled in her lap and John snuck his hands underneath to continue to caress her skin.

When his hands skimmed her hips a groan escaped his lips. "Let me guess, Julia talked you into buying these."

The small patches of lace barely covering her were attached at the hips by little silky ribbons.

"She suggested them but I knew you would like them. You seem to have a fascination with untying knots," Teyla panted.

John choked out a strangled laugh. Teyla was still squirming under him so his fingers pulled on the tiny bows, removing the last impediment. He arranged himself next to Teyla and pressed teeny kisses on her lips. His free hand journeyed from her naval to her right hip, down one leg and up the other. Then it floated back toward her stomach only to head due south.

When his hand nestled in the patch of curls, Teyla opened for him. He found her moist and ready center and a few strokes of his fingers had her completely unable to focus on kissing him, soft moans floating from her throat.

His lips traveled south as well and alternated between her golden mounds. John's fingers were on their own journey, in, out, around, back in and out. Teyla was whimpering frantically now as her hips gyrated with the rhythm of John's fingers. She had one hand in John's hair and the other grasped a handful of grass.

John clamped his lips over Teyla's, attempting to muffle her cry as she went over the edge and her body convulsed in pleasure. When her body stopped its spasm she turned toward John and buried her face in his chest. His arms wrapped around her and held her tight as several aftershocks rippled through her.

It took a few minutes for Teyla's mind to function again but when it did she said, still breathless, "John, you did not have enjoyment as well."

A sensual smile came to John's face as he kissed her nose. "I enjoyed that very much. Seeing you fall apart in my hands; that was incredible."

"But …" Teyla looked confused so John explained.

"I said I wanted to go slow and I said I wanted to wait but I got you so riled up I knew it wouldn't be fair to just shut down on you. But I still want things to be perfect, not just a quick roll in the hay." He looked at the grass all around him. "Literally."

"The most important thing to me, Teyla, is that you know I want and need _you_. I need your intelligence, your humor, your patience, your forgiveness, your comfort and most of all your friendship. I don't ever want you to think our relationship is only based on sexual pleasure. I need you for so much more than that. Do you understand? I've screwed up every relationship I've ever been in. I don't want to do that to us."

"I understand, John. I also wish our relationship to be based on more than sexual need."

Her eyebrow rose and her hand dropped to stroke his chest. "But it would be permissible to quench our sexual thirsts on occasion, would it not?"

John chuckled, "Absolutely! And I have a feeling I'm gonna be quite thirsty. But tonight was for _you_." He kissed the tip of her nose again.

She tilted her head and her lips met his for a brief embrace. "Thank you, John."

John pulled her closer and felt her skin growing cool. He pulled her to a sitting position and helped her adjust her nightgown back into place.

Teyla held John's arm as they walked back to the house.

"Would you be comfortable discussing the letter you found from your father?" Teyla asked as they closed the slider screen behind them.

"Would you like to read it?" John asked as he squeezed her tightly to his side.

Teyla smiled that he would trust her enough to allow it. "Only if you wish me to."

"You should probably get some sleep," John suggested. "You could read it in the morning if you've got enough time. But right now you should already be sleeping."

"As should you," Teyla pointed out.

One side of John's mouth curled up. "I don't imagine I'll get much sleep tonight."

Teyla moved toward him and touched his face. "Would you like me to stay with you tonight? To provide the comfort and friendship you require?"

John's smile was filled with relief. "I'd like that very much."

He gave Teyla a quick kiss then climbed into his bed and held the covers up for her to follow. A few minutes later Teyla had finished reading Patrick Sheppard's letter and she leaned back against John.

"I can see why you were distraught earlier. It cannot be easy imagining that a parent had negative feelings for you."

"And then finding out that he really loved you and was proud of you. The thing that upsets me the most is we wasted so many years mad at each other and he died with everything unresolved. I hate that he thought I didn't love him. I did, you know."

"Does your religion not believe in a hereafter where you are all-knowing with your father in heaven?"

"Well, yeah, but …"

Teyla put her fingers up to John's lips. "Then you must believe your father is up in heaven looking down on you, very much aware that he truly had a loving son."

John gave a quiet chuckle. "You better watch out or Father Cleary will have you leading a mission to convert the Wraith."

John reached over and turned off the small bedside lamp and slid under the covers. Teyla snuggled next to him, her head on his chest, his arms wrapped around her. This felt so good and so right, John knew being with Teyla was a good decision. But it would be far too long before she would be with him again.

He pressed his lips to her hair and whispered, "I don't want you to go."

Teyla rubbed her hand up his chest to his jaw. "I will be right here, all night."

John knew he'd have to content himself with that because he knew wanting wouldn't get him anywhere. He closed his eyes and dreamed of the time that he could return to Atlantis and having Teyla in his arms could be a nightly routine.

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xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxo

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Teyla awoke with something tickling her nose. She moved to scratch it and felt John's chest under her hand. Her eyes opened and she remembered last night. Her cheeks flamed as she recalled what they had done. Or what John had done to her. If that was any indication of what she could expect once he got back to Atlantis … her body shivered at the thought.

But this morning she was leaving to go back there and John wasn't. The thought made her heart ache in ways it had not before.

Her hand started exploring the terrain it had been resting on, memorizing every inch of skin, knowing it would be far too long before it could play there again. She'd often fantasized about running her fingers through the hair on his chest, following it down the center of his abdomen and traversing the rim of his naval where it bordered that feature. And here she was, living that fantasy.

John had always had a nice chest, although she'd rarely seen it as he wasn't one to prance around with his shirt off. She noticed that a good number of the Marines preferred sparring bare-chested, strutting their well-defined muscles for all to see. It was not something that easily impressed her.

She'd seen Ronon's muscles for many years and was a bit desensitized by now. But she had to admit that John's chest had a bit more definition than it had before. Most likely from the five months of intense physical training.

As her hand explored and her eyes feasted, she noticed the path of hair continued its descent under John's waistband. Her hand started following, knowing it probably ended near the bulge in John's pajama bottoms.

Her fingers anticipated their conquest but a strangled, "Teyla!" stopped their quest.

"What are you doing?" John managed to get out through clenched teeth.

"Are we not explorers?" Teyla answered with no small amount of cheek. "I am exploring."

Short little breaths punctuated John's words. "You … need … to … stop." Then he added, "Please."

"Very well," Teyla pouted but gave one last caress before her hand retreated. She moved onto her back and teased, "If you do not enjoy my touch."

John followed her movement and levered himself above her. "Oh, you know that's not true. But I'm gonna have a hard enough time trying to concentrate on my therapy with the picture of you from last night stuck in my head. I don't need even more memories to keep me distracted."

Teyla reached up to touch his face. "And **_I_** am trying to retain as many memories as I am able to take back with me and get me through the remaining time before we can be together."

"I understand that," John nodded and kissed her soundly again. When things started heating up, John reluctantly pushed away. He sat up and pulled her to sit with her back tight against him. His arms were around her and his chin rested on her shoulder.

"You're addicting, Teyla. You know that. I'm just making this one less thing I need to recover from."

His arms tightened and his lips moved to the side of her neck. "But I'll tell you right now, when you come back, I'm tossing that control right out the window. So be warned."

"The waiting will be agony but as I have waited six years for this, I am sure I can endure one more month."

"Six years, huh?" John's voice grew humorous. "That long since you've wanted to … you know … do it."

Teyla turned her head and glared at him.

"Just checking," John replied then pushed Teyla out of the bed and stood up beside her.

"You should probably go before people start coming down and realize where you slept last night."

He walked her to the door then Teyla gave him a very passionate kiss before she padded across the hall and shut the door after her.

He stood in the doorway for a few minutes with a big grin on his face before he noticed Ronon was sitting on the sectional in the den staring at him. His grin was almost as big as John's.

John's eyes grew wide and he limped over to stand in front of his friend. "Listen Buddy, it's not what you think."

"Really?" Ronon interrupted and held up a scrap of lace with a few ribbons attached.

"You know my room faces the back yard and I slept with the window open last night."

John's eyes looked even more horrified.

"I took a walk outside early this morning and found this." He held up the lace again and smirked. "Kind of confirmed what I thought I'd heard last night."

"Give me that!" John grabbed the lacy garment then implored, "Can you just kind of keep this to yourself for a little while?"

Ronon shrugged. "Keep what to myself?"

John nodded, "Thanks. Now I'm gonna go jump in the shower."

He held up the scrap of lace and grunted, "And believe it or not, it's gonna be _cold_!"

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

.

"What do you mean John gave up being Valedictorian of his high school class?" Rodney wailed as he stood outside in the driveway with Dave. "Why would anyone do that?"

"You know John doesn't like to be the center of attention," Dave said, "and he knew as Valedictorian, he'd have to make a speech in front of all the graduates and their guests."

"So he just gave it away?" Rodney asked scandalized.

"No," Dave denied, "He was a bit sneakier than that. He calculated all his grades and those of the next few ranking kids and figured out what he'd need to get on his finals to come in third."

Rodney looked flabbergasted that anyone would consider doing that. "How do you know he did this?

Dave gave a wry smile. "I found a list in his room showing the grades he needed to bring his average down below the other top students. He didn't deny it when I confronted him with it."

"You didn't try and talk him out of it?"

"He was still getting straight A's so I figured it didn't matter."

"Okay, I'm all set to go," Carson joined them, putting his bag on the ground next to Ronon and Rodney's. He looked around.

"Where are Teyla and John?"

Rodney looked up from his continued discussion with Dave and said, "I think he was helping Teyla with her bag."

Carson shook his head. "Oh, of all the … The man's not sturdy on his feet and he's carrying luggage."

He turned to walk back into the house and both Julia and Ronon tried to stop him with a, "no, he's fine," but Carson ignored them.

He moved through a few rooms and hallways until he approached Teyla's room. Curiously her bag was sitting in the doorway but he didn't hear anything. He moved a step closer then froze. Teyla and John were standing in the middle of the room with their arms around each other.

At first Carson thought they were just giving each other a hug then he realized their lips were pressed together. Carson's jaw dropped open then a huge grin split his lips as Teyla and John's mouths continued to move over each other. This was no simple goodbye peck on the cheek.

He slowly backed away and moved toward the outside door_. It's about bloody time those two figured it out. It's a shame it took John being seriously incapacitated and sent back to Earth for half a year for them to realize that they belonged together._

He walked back out to hear Rodney still talking about John's school records, only now they were discussing college.

He looked up as Carson came back out and asked, "So where's Sheppard and Teyla? I thought you went in to get them."

Carson's eyes twinkled but it seemed John and Teyla weren't quite ready to make public the new twist to their relationship so he simply said, "Uh … they're saying a private goodbye."

Rodney made a face and commented, "What, it's not good enough to say goodbye out here?"

_Ah, Rodney_! Carson thought. He could be so obtuse at times. But looking at Ronon, Julia and Dave, they obviously knew or at least suspected what was going on.

John and Teyla showed up a minute later with Teyla apologizing, "I am sorry. I misplaced some of my things. John was helping me locate them."

Ronon eyed Sheppard like he knew what she'd 'misplaced' but before he could say anything, Rodney accused, "Sheppard, how come you never told me you have a degree in aeronautical engineering?"

John shrugged and squinted his eyes. "What does it matter what my degree is in? And I'm a pilot so it makes perfect sense."

"And you've got a Master's Degree in Applied and Computational Math?"

"I know you think all Military are brainless grunts, McKay," John complained, "but you can't get much past Captain without an advanced degree, you know." He shrugged. "I just chose something that was easy for me."

Julia stared at John and snorted, "Easy?"

"You're just lucky we're leaving or you'd get an earful," McKay snipped then his voice rose slightly, "I can't believe you never told me!"

"Uh, Ellis is probably getting impatient," Ronon reminded them.

"Hey, all of you," John addressed the group, "Thanks for coming! I mean it."

Carson shook his hand first and patted his shoulder. "It was great seeing you, John. Keep up the good work. I know you'll be back in tip top shape in no time."

Rodney was next. "You better be back right after the wedding or I won't be held responsible for my actions. Like shooting Armstrong or maybe even Zalenka."

They moved in uncomfortably for the briefest of embraces then Rodney picked up his bag and moved a few more feet away from the house.

Teyla stepped in front of John and lowered her forehead to his. "I will be back in five weeks. It will seem much longer I am sure."

John didn't dare say anything out loud. They'd already communicated their feelings inside.

Ronon moved in and John flinched as the big man wrapped his arms around him, tackle style, and moved John a few feet around. As Ronon helped him get steady on his feet again, he muttered quietly, "I'll make sure to keep any Marines from sniffing around Teyla until you get back and can do it yourself. Just don't take too long!"

"Thanks Pal!" John slapped him on the back as Rodney radioed the Apollo that they were ready.

John barely had time to get out, "Say hi to everyone for me, huh?" before his friends disappeared in a glow of lights.

John's shoulders moved up and down in a huge sigh and Dave walked over and laid a hand on his back. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah," John replied then added, "In about five weeks." He picked up his gym bag and started hobbling to the car.

"Come on, get me to rehab so I can actually be ready when that five weeks comes."

Dave's mouth grew tight knowing John would push himself harder than ever today. And he'd probably pay for it tonight.

.

.

"You know Josh says there's no reason I can't start driving again soon," John was telling Dave as they turned onto the road the rehab was on. "The biggest concern is how the right leg keeps giving out every so often. But it's only when I'm standing or walking. Driving should be a problem."

"That's great, John!" Dave exclaimed. "As soon as you think you're ready, let me know. You're welcome to take one of the cars. You can even drive yourself here, if you want."

"I hate putting you out every day, so that'd probably be a good idea."

"Although I have to admit," Dave confessed, "I've enjoyed our drives back and forth. It gives us time to talk. Julia's great but she doesn't know much about sports and she hates discussing politics. It's nice to talk to someone who doesn't want me to express my feelings about every little thing."

"Aw, come on! You know that's what I want, too."

Dave snorted while John chuckled. But the laugh turned into a swear.

"What?" John asked but before Dave could answer he saw what Dave was swearing about. Several news vans and a crowd of people were at the curb in front of the walkway into the rehab center. John's words colored the air as well, as Dave pulled out his phone.

He steered the vehicle around the back as he got someone from inside. He made arrangements for someone to meet John at the ambulance entrance then moved as close as he could to this area. The back doors opened and John saw Dr. Turner himself standing there.

As John climbed out of the car and grabbed his bag and cane, Dave said, "I'll call before you're due to leave to see what the situation is." He held up the phone, "Turner said they called to get some extra security to help with the reporters."

John just nodded his thanks and hobbled over to the door. He gave a quick wave to his brother and moved past Turner. They got in the elevator as the ambulance entrance was below the entry level and Turner greeted him enthusiastically.

"Colonel Sheppard, I'm glad we could get you safely past all those reporters out front. You seem to have turned into quite a celebrity over night."

John gave a pained smile and muttered, "Yippee."

"I assured your brother extra security was on the way to help alleviate the problem. We've had notable people here before and we've always been able to guarantee their privacy. We'll take every step needed to do the same for you."

"Thank you," John replied gratefully. "Send the bill to Dave," he threw over his shoulder as he exited the elevator. "I'm sure he'd be more than happy to pay for it."

Turner flustered, "Oh, um …I'm sure …" as if the thought had never entered his mind.

John leaned on his cane as he walked toward the weight room where he usually started each morning. Lisa and Helen were waiting outside the door for him, arms crossed in front of them, faces serious.

_Uh, oh_! John knew he was in trouble. He tried for the most charming smile he could muster and even threw in a little puppy dog eyes as he asked, "Are you guys mad at me?"

They both stared at him solemnly until Lisa's mouth twitched and she burst out laughing.

"She's no good at this!" Helen complained but John saw her usual good humor had returned to her eyes as well.

"You're _not_ mad?" John checked skeptically.

"Are you kidding me? This is the neatest thing that's ever happened to me," Lisa explained. "My boys actually think I'm _cool_ now."

She looked apologetic. "I kind of freaked out when I first saw you on the news special. And of course my whole family knows the name of the patient I've been taking care of for five months. I could hardly deny it."

"I'm curious," Helen started, "as to how the media knew you came here, though. And who knew you best. I personally got a handful of calls to do interviews."

"Really?" John questioned then looked at Lisa who was looking sheepish.

"I actually got offered some big money to give a detailed account of your recovery to some magazine. They said they'd throw in extra if I actually had pictures of you doing rehab. I don't know who gave them my name, though."

John's eyes grew dark and his mouth tight. As he started to walk past them he said, "You do what you have to do."

"Colonel!" Lisa called dismayed. "I told them no. I would never do that to you. I hope you know that."

John gave a relieved sigh and a half smile. "Thanks. I appreciate it."

He continued to limp over to the first machine and adjust the weights. Helen and Lisa watched him then looked at each other.

"He looks really down. More than I thought he'd be due to this news report," Helen commented. "I wonder if something else happened."

Lisa nodded. "Don't forget Teyla and his other friends were here visiting. They must have just left. Remember how he was last time?"

Understanding dawned on Helen at this statement. Josh took that moment to enter and ask if the Colonel had gotten past the reporters. Lisa tilted her head toward the man who was using the leg press, his face determined.

"I had a heck of a time getting through them," Josh said. "I can't believe how tenacious they are."

"You didn't say anything to them, did you?" Helen pressed. "You know he won't like that."

"Oh, I know," Josh agreed. "And no, I didn't say anything. I don't need him upset with me, especially since I've already got one strike against me for hitting on his woman."

Josh looked at the man in the weight room again. "That news special, I couldn't believe they showed him being tortured. And how he just took it. I would have been crying like a baby, ordering my people to give the guy anything he wanted. Even knowing what was coming, the Colonel didn't do it. That's the kind of strength not too many people have."

"But seeing what he's done here, how far he's come in such a short period of time," Lisa said, "I really wasn't surprised. Not by that or any of the heroic stories his people told about him. You can tell he's something special. "

A smile came to her face. "I laugh when I remember what I thought when I first got this assignment. Air Force Colonel, brother of a rich businessman. I figured it would be the most difficult job in the world to get this guy working hard enough to make a difference. I pictured some spoiled, pampered desk jockey who enjoyed ordering people around. Am I glad I was wrong."

"I know I'm glad," Josh concurred. "Working with Colonel Sheppard and getting him to where he is now, really makes me feel good about doing my job."

"Speaking of which," Helen looked at her watch, "I'm supposed to be upstairs at mine in just a few minutes. Keep me updated on how he's doing today."

Lisa promised then she and Josh moved toward the man they'd been talking about to continue working toward the goal of complete recovery.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

.

"Major Lorne, wait up," Lt. McCarthy called out in the hallway as he and Dusty Mehra came up behind. "We were wondering if you couldn't settle something for us."

"I'm on my way to a briefing, but if you keep it short I might be able to." Lorne looked questioningly at the two Marines.

"I don't need anything settled," Mehra said confidently. "I know I'm right."

McCarthy just glared at her and said, "We heard Colonel Sheppard's team got in a bar room fight while they were on Earth. Is it really true the Colonel broke a man's hand or is that just an exaggeration?"

"That's what I heard," Lorne replied. "But you'd be better off asking someone who was there." He looked behind the two soldiers and pointed, "Ronon was there, you can ask him."

Ronon walked up behind them and paused at the expectant looks from the others standing in the hallway.

Mehra gave a heavy sigh and said, "McCarthy here thinks the rumors about Sheppard breaking the guy's hand in the bar fight are an exaggeration. I say they're true."

Ronon nodded. "Yup, broke the guy's hand; slammed it down on the pool table. He was lucky Sheppard didn't break his neck."

"All because of a pool table?" McCarthy asked incredulously.

"The gang leader put his hands on _Teyla_. Sheppard didn't like it. Neither did I. But Sheppard was closer to the guy."

Lorne nodded in understanding. "The Colonel wouldn't like anyone messing with his team. Can't say I blame him. I'm surprised Teyla didn't stop the guy."

"She did, eventually," Ronon supplied. "But she had three of them holding her at first. Until Sheppard took out the leader and evened the odds."

"But isn't the Colonel still injured, not walking right yet?" McCarthy asked. "How did he manage that?"

"At least this time he was on his feet," Ronon grunted. "A month ago when he was grabbed and held by the kidnappers he still couldn't walk at all by himself and he managed to break an arm on one and give the other a concussion."

"Okay," McCarthy protested, "I know _that_ has got to be an exaggeration. There's no way it could have happened."

The other three all looked at McCarthy but Mehra did the talking. "You weren't here long enough before the Colonel was injured and left to have really seen what the man is capable of. You'll learn, once he comes back."

She looked questioningly at Ronon, "He is coming back soon, right?"

Lorne jabbed his thumb in the direction he'd been going when he was stopped. "We're on our way to a briefing right now. I'll have more information after that."

Ronon followed Lorne down the hall toward the conference room. Dusty turned to McCarthy with a smug smile and held out her hand.

McCarthy just sneered. "I'll pay you later."

.

.

Richard Woolsey listened to the reports from Dr. McKay, Ronon, Teyla and most especially Dr. Beckett regarding Colonel Sheppard. They had all agreed that he was making incredible progress and there was a possibility he could be back in Atlantis as early as six weeks from now, right after his brother's wedding.

"That's great news!" Woolsey offered. "It will be nice to have Colonel Sheppard back again." He looked apologetically at Colonel Armstrong and amended, "Not that it isn't wonderful to have a man of your caliber here as well."

But the truth was, Woolsey was getting more than a little tired of Armstrong and his rigid by-the-book methods of doing everything. It sounded funny coming from him, 'Mr. Rules Are There for a Reason.' But in his two years as Administrator of Atlantis, Richard had realized that sometimes you had to throw out some of the rules. Heck, there were times that he'd almost thrown out the whole book.

Colonel Sheppard had been instrumental in helping him see that. The man was nothing if not unorthodox in his approach to many things. But following rules set up on Earth didn't always apply to the Pegasus Galaxy and he was beginning to see that more and more.

When Colonel Sheppard had first been injured, he was, of course, concerned. But when the SGC had sent Armstrong as a long term replacement he thought having a hard and true military man might be a good thing. Armstrong had a superb record and a great deal of experience in battling insurgents in the Middle East. And he looked the part, broad shoulders, muscular build, buzz cut, serious attitude at all times. You'd never catch him riding a skateboard down the hallway. Richard was excited to have someone of his caliber in charge of the military.

At first things didn't go as smoothly as he'd hoped, mostly because the troops were used to dealing with the laid back style of Colonel Sheppard, or at least that's what he'd told himself. The truth was Sheppard might appear laid back and lackadaisical but he honestly was one of the hardest workers Woolsey had ever seen.

He rarely took time off and even when he was officially off duty he could still be found walking the corridors, checking in with the Control Room or helping the scientists with some project or other. And he was always available and willing to do any job, no matter how big or small.

Armstrong, on the other hand, did not want to be disturbed while he was off-duty, unless it was something catastrophic. It was great that he trusted his subordinate officers but Woolsey thought the man would do well to socialize a bit more with the rest of Atlantis. Okay, so maybe he had been like that when he first got here, too. But he'd learned and grown and had actually started to enjoy the company of other citizens of the city.

But the thing that bothered him the most was that Armstrong took his role as Military Commander to the letter. He commanded the troops; from right here in Atlantis. He felt leaving the city was not in the best interest of all involved.

Richard had tried to get him to take Sheppard's team on some recon missions but the man actually refused saying his job was too important to be away for hours or more at a time, especially for something the enlisted men were here for. And Richard could see his point of view.

But the man also insisted it was beneath him to accompany Teyla on any of her diplomatic missions as well. Richard got the feeling that Armstrong didn't trust Teyla or Ronon or any of the other non-Earth people who lived or frequented Atlantis.

He refused to meet with people of other worlds for trade negotiations, always sending someone else; again stating that bartering for food was not his job. Maybe when they had first gotten there it was necessary for the Military Commander to step in but not now they had plenty of other personnel.

Richard felt it was more his xenophobia coming to the surface. And it was starting to cause some problems. Trade relations were very important and there were a few negotiations that were hanging in the balance right now that made Richard more than a little nervous.

Colonel Sheppard coming back would be a very good thing. He hoped it wouldn't be any longer than six weeks. Armstrong had his own opinion on the subject.

"I wouldn't put too much stock in what Colonel Sheppard might say about his condition. The fact is he's got to pass some very stringent military evaluations and they will _not_ accept anything less than top notch performance. The original diagnosis said a year or more for recovery. It still may take that long _**if **_he can even do it. Let's face it, the man was severely injured. Not everyone can come back from something so critical."

Teyla stood up and leaned on the mahogany table in front of her. "I realize you do not know Colonel Sheppard at all. But be assured of this; he _will_ be back!"

She turned on her heels and walked away from the table.

"Uh, meeting dismissed," Woolsey said and gathered his notebook and scuttled away to his office to avoid any unpleasantries from Teyla's statement. Armstrong really didn't get along with her even though she had always been extremely professional. And from the look on his face, he definitely wasn't happy with her now.

.

.

Jennifer caught up with Teyla as she entered the transporter. "Teyla, we haven't had a chance to talk since you got back yesterday. So the Colonel's doing really well?"

Teyla pressed the display on the wall and turned to Jennifer. "Yes, regardless of what Colonel Armstrong implied, I do believe John will be ready to come back directly after his brother's wedding."

Jennifer tilted her head as she followed Teyla out of the transporter and down the hall. "I am going to my quarters to have a relaxing cup of tea before I pick up Torren. Are you joining me?"

Jennifer stopped, finally realizing where she was. "Do you mind? I want to hear more about your trip. Rodney told me you'd all got tossed in jail."

"Yes," Teyla conceded and moved inside her quarters with Jennifer following.

When they were comfortably settled on the couch with warm tea in front of them, Teyla gave Jennifer a rundown of their activities for the week including the bar brawl and subsequent lock-up. She told her about John's rehab and meeting his ex-wife at the court house.

"Really?" Jennifer's eyes widened. "What was she like?"

"Very beautiful," Teyla said, "and very nice. She was curious about me. I am not sure what John told her about our relationship but she was under the impression that we had been together for some time."

Jennifer's eyebrows rose. "And so _have_ you been together?"

Teyla just glared at her friend. "Should you not be asking about John's medical well-being?"

"Oh, right, of course," corrected Jennifer. "So his speech is good? He's eating normally now?"

At Teyla's nods, Jennifer smirked and continued, "So his mouth is capable of doing everything a mouth should?"

Her eyes twinkled mischievously and Teyla blushed.

"Yes," she breathed out huskily. "His mouth was quite adept at doing many things."

Jennifer beamed. "And his hands? He's got his small motor skills under control?"

Teyla closed her eyes and gave a deep shuddering sigh. "His hands were," she breathed deeply in between words, "incredible, soft and gentle."

Jennifer chuckled. "Any other body parts I should know about that were in perfect working order?"

Teyla drifted out of her daydream and sighed. "As usual, John had many things tightly under control."

Jennifer frowned. "What is with that man? What is he waiting for? I assume _you_ weren't the one holding back?"

Teyla blushed deeply at that. "John has had many relationships that have not worked out. He claims he wants this one to last and therefore wishes everything to be perfect."

"That's so sweet!" Jennifer purred. "Rodney and I did it in a plane our first time. Not real comfortable but certainly out of the ordinary."

Teyla's eyes got dreamy again. "John did say that when I return next month, he plans to … how did he word it … throw his control right out the window."

"So, you'll need some protection, huh? Unless you want to have another little Torren running around. Oh, wait! You _will_ have Torren with you. That's not real conducive to romantic evenings."

"But John will work his magic," Teyla replied, "and lull Torren into a dream-filled sleep."

Jennifer grinned. "Leaving you two free to fill _your_ sleep with what you've been dreaming of."

.

.

xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

"Do I _have_ to be here?" John whined as he helped Josie wrap tinfoil around a large pile of potatoes.

"God, you sound like a kid," Dave snapped back. "Why can't you just socialize like a normal person?"

John glared at his brother. "I remember you telling me _years _ago that I wasn't normal. Why do you expect me to act that way now?"

"I thought you'd _outgrow_ it by now!"

"Stop it boys!" Julia demanded. "Or I'll have to send you both to your room with no supper."

"Promise?" John asked eagerly. "Cause I'm fine with that."

Julia took the potato John had just wrapped and moved it aside. "Come on John, you'll have fun. There will be lots of people here. You'll enjoy it."

He looked skeptically at her. "I don't _enjoy_ lots of people, Julia."

"But Dave says you know a lot of these people."

John made a face. "Okay, that's actually worse. I've had a few too many 'old friends' show up lately."

Julia backed off at this because she knew it was true. Ever since the news report three weeks ago, John had been bombarded with not only offers from the radio, TV and magazines but with invitations from long lost friends. Although many of them were people he'd never _actually_ been friends with.

And quite a few people had shown up on local and national talk shows talking about how well they knew him. It was quite laughable really. He'd loved his seventh grade science teacher talking about how she'd always known he'd go far. She even took credit for his love of space by introducing him to astronomy. He'd never liked astronomy, he liked flying. Well let them have their two minutes of fame; he just wished his was up.

But McKay, he figured, should finally be happy. Quite a few of _his_ old colleagues had found their way to the interview circuit, talking about what good friends they were with the Atlantis Dr. Rodney McKay. Several of them tried to take credit for parts of Rodney's work but most of them just gushed about how great Rodney was and how they'd worked together many times in the past.

John had actually recorded as many as he could and sent them to McKay. He hadn't heard back from him yet so he wasn't sure what his reaction was. He really missed being in the city and wished he could be there to watch them with his friend.

"Come on, John," Dave pleaded. "Just a few hours then you can crawl back into your cave."

"Fine," John reluctantly agreed. "But I'm not getting dressed up." He pointed at Dave.

His brother looked confused and replied, "It's just a casual cookout, John."

John snorted and said, "Right! That's casual," as he took in Dave's starched tan shorts, freshly ironed polo shirt and polished docksiders. Julia also was decked out in a stunning white sundress with red and blue accessories for the 4th of July occasion.

John looked down at his own wrinkled cargo shorts, rumpled gray T-shirt and well worn sneakers. "So I'm good like this?"

Julia looked at him and cringed. "If you weren't wearing breakfast," she pointed to the blueberry syrup he'd dripped on his shirt, "I'd say fine. But maybe you could change the shirt."

John rolled his eyes and let out a huge sigh. "Fine, but only for you, Julia. You know that?"

"Yes, I do, John. Thank you," and she gave him a kiss on the cheek before she bounced off to check the other party details.

John's gaze stayed on her for a long while then he looked at his brother who had started wrapping potatoes next to Josie.

"She's great, Dave," John smiled almost sadly then added, "She's a lot like Mom."

Dave stopped what he was doing and looked up startled. "You think so?"

John nodded. "Yeah, I do. She's beautiful and classy, bright and engaging but filled with that little bit of mischief that made her so much fun."

Dave looked thoughtful for a minute then said, "I never really thought of it before but I guess she is kind of like Mom in that respect."

John gave his brother a big genuine smile. "Like I said; she'd great!"

They finished the potatoes and handed them over to the caterers who brought them outside to the big fire pit they'd dug.

John decided he'd go for a run before the guests showed up. He figured he'd need to get rid of any pent up frustration before he got more of it during the party. John was just glad that he was finally able to start running again. He'd missed it.

He made sure the knee brace was nice and snug and started out. The leg could only handle a few miles of intense running but John was pushing himself more each day. He only had a few weeks left before he'd need to prove to the US Air Force that he was fully fit again.

When he got back, he jumped in the shower and knew he might have pushed himself a bit too much on this run. The right knee started to buckle just on the walk from the bathroom to the bedroom.

He snagged some ice, making Josie promise not to tell Dave he'd stressed out his knee again and laid down on the bed. When the knock came twenty minutes later, John attempted to get the ice pack from around his knee but Julia had already seen.

"Is it bothering you again?" she asked as she came to sit on the side of his bed.

John gave a wry smile. "I just pushed too hard during my run. But if you tell Dave he's just gonna yell at me."

Julia's eyes twinkled. "Then we won't tell him. But you might want to wear the brace for the next few hours, just to give you some support."

John nodded and slid off the bed. "Thanks, Julia. And for that, I'll actually put on a clean shirt."

He opened his drawer and took out a navy polo that he'd had for quite a few years. At Julia's skeptical look he grinned, "I said _clean,_ I didn't say _new_."

Julia got off the bed and gave John another kiss on the cheek. "I'm gonna miss you when you go."

She turned toward the door. "People should start arriving anytime."

John watched her go with mixed feelings. He couldn't wait to get back to Atlantis but part of him cherished this new brother-sister relationship he'd formed with Julia and he hated the thought of walking away from it.

But he and Dave had a much better relationship now, too. They wouldn't let themselves drift apart like before; and that made John smile.

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xoxoxoxo xoxoxooxx xoxoxoxoxo

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John leaned on the fence talking to some of the horses while the party got into full swing. He'd always hated when his Dad had thrown these big shindigs. When his Mom was around it hadn't been so bad because she'd always made sure he had a few friends over as well.

But his Dad had only wanted his sons there to get in on the discussions of the family business. Looking back now, remembering the letter his father had written, John realized that maybe that was his father's way of trying to connect with his boys.

But John had wanted nothing to do with it and had always been sullen and sulky until his Dad had snapped at him to go to his room if he couldn't be social. The problem was that John never really knew how to be social, never felt comfortable engaging in small talk. Being alone in his room was the far better option.

But maybe he should have tried a little harder to at least understand his father's world. Maybe his Dad would have tried a little harder to understand his youngest son.

He turned around and looked at his brother engaged in a conversation with about half a dozen people, everyone laughing and having a good time. So maybe he could make the effort to try and connect with his brother in his world.

He walked slowly over to where Dave was, trying not to favor his right leg. He'd worked hard at being able to walk without using the cane but now his goal was to walk without the limp he hadn't been able to get rid of yet.

"John!" Dave smiled when he saw his brother coming his way. "Gentlemen, let me introduce you to my brother, John. He's a Colonel in the Air Force."

Dave made introductions and John took note of everyone's names and how they were associated with Dave or PSI. He'd read enough reports and helped Dave with a good deal of business over the last few months that he was actually able to get into several discussions with some of the men.

Of course he was bored out of his mind and he didn't really give a crap about any of their business dealings but when he saw Dave watching him with an astonished smile, he knew it was worth it.

He briefly wondered if his Dad would have looked at him the same way if he'd put that kind of effort into talking to his Dad's friends. Maybe. That would have been a real nice feeling.

Deep regret stabbed through him like a knife and he actually closed his eyes for a second at the physical pain he felt.

Dave watched John, amazed at how easily his brother had fit right in and started conversing with this group. It surprised him, too, since John really hadn't even wanted to be here today.

He'd spent the first hour of the party standing alone by the horses. Dave had hoped he wouldn't stay there the whole time. But he'd surprised him by not only moving among the guests but getting involved in conversation that Dave didn't normally think he'd be interested in. And he'd stayed involved for almost a half hour now.

He'd given John a warm smile but then he'd seen John's eyes fill with pain and close briefly. Dave panicked thinking John was physically hurting then realized the pain in John's eyes was emotional pain. He'd gotten to know his brother well enough over the past six months to know the difference.

But unfortunately there wasn't much Dave could do. He wasn't sure what ghosts John was fighting right now and it wasn't really the time to ask. But he could steer the small crowd over to the serving table and encourage them to get something to eat.

After they'd obliged, Dave looked back and realized John hadn't moved from his spot. He was just standing there staring off into the distance.

Dave made his way back and touched John on the shoulder. "You okay, John? You looked a little lost for a second."

John's gaze stayed focused on a spot in the distance as he said, "Why didn't I ever even try and understand him and what he did and why he did it?"

John gave a big sigh and repeated, "I never even tried."

Dave closed his eyes when he realized the ghost John was fighting with was their Dad. And John was losing.

Dave put his hand more firmly on John's shoulder and squeezed. "John, regret will only make you go nuts."

John's gaze swung briefly to Dave and then away again. "With the amount of regret I've got, I'm surprised I wasn't locked away years ago."

Dave just squeezed John's shoulder again then let his hand drop. "Have you had anything to eat, yet?"

John shrugged. "Nah, I'm good."

"Okay," Dave sighed wishing he could alleviate some of John's guilt but knowing he carried his own burden. He could have done so much more in getting John and their Dad to communicate again. Or at the least he could have kept in closer touch with his own brother and not worried what their father had thought. Because in the end, their Dad's regret had also been immense.

Dave sighed then suggested, "John, Uncle George and Aunt Mary are here. They're up on the patio. Why don't you go say hi at least?"

John's smile turned crooked but he nodded. "Okay, but if she tells me I'm too skinny and I need a haircut, you're gonna owe me."

"Yeah, I probably will," Dave conceded.

An hour and a million promises later, John finally broke away from his aunt and uncle. His uncle had only been appeased at not knowing John's recent activities when John had told him it had all been completely top secret and confidential. Most of the military didn't even know and Dave had only found out after he'd been injured. And then only because they weren't sure John would stay alive long enough to make it home.

His aunt had hugged him and told him they were so glad he _had_ made it and was having such a quick recovery. John didn't think six months was quick but he supposed compared to the original prognosis of a year or more, it was.

Uncle George and Aunt Mary had asked a million questions about living in another galaxy and wasn't he afraid all the time of the danger.

John had replied simply, "It's what I do."

They'd also insisted on meeting Teyla and T.J. who they referred to as his wife and son. He didn't have the heart to correct them as they were so excited and thought he was such a wonderful Dad. Apparently Julia had shared some videos with them plus what they'd seen on the report. They were disappointed when he said they were back home but he assured them, both would be here for Dave and Julia's wedding.

He'd gotten a detailed update on his two cousins, Keith and Carol and their families and found out he'd get to see them soon as they were planning to come to the wedding as well.

John was getting a little apprehensive about this upcoming event, though. He hadn't really given it a whole lot of thought until now, but as the best man he was probably expected to do certain things. He'd better check with Julia soon so he didn't screw up.

He'd finally gotten a small plate of food and found an empty corner in the kitchen to hopefully eat in peace. Unfortunately that didn't work out. He'd only taken a few bites when he heard his name called in a sickly sweet, almost petulant voice.

"John Sheppard, you're a very popular boy today. I almost didn't think I'd get to talk to you."

He turned slowly to see a familiar looking blond woman standing in front of him with her hands on her very shapely hips. When confusion appeared on his face and she realized he couldn't place her, she moved her arms to cross her ample chest and gave a sexy pout.

"I know it's been a few years but I can't believe you don't remember."

The pout was what did it, jogged his memory. "Clarissa," he confirmed then repeated, "Clarissa Van der Port." He grinned when he realized he'd almost said 'Van der snot' since that was what he'd always called her, at least in his head. Even among the well-to-do and moneyed people, she was a snot.

Not that he'd always thought of her that way. He'd actually fallen for her cute little pout when he'd first met her his freshmen year in high school. But she'd had no time for him. He didn't have the muscles of the football team, his hair was always sticking up and unless he was willing to do her homework or write her papers for her, he was of no use.

Well, he damn sure wasn't doing anyone else's work for them, so he'd given up any hope of impressing her. But it hadn't mattered and he was actually glad he hadn't made it on the list of people she frequently walked all over.

But he _was_ curious as to why she was standing in front of him now. When he said her name, her eyes lit up and a knowing smile crossed her face.

"See, I knew you remembered me."

John's eyes narrowed and gave a half smile. "What can I do for you, Clarissa?"

She moved in closer, much too close for John's liking as he had a counter on one side of him and a wall behind him. She seemed to be blocking his only exit.

"There are a lot of things you could do for me, John," she purred and put her hand on John's shoulder. It slid down his arm, squeezing playfully on his bicep then continued until it rested on his forearm which was leaning on the counter.

She hitched her snugly encased bottom onto the next stool but kept her hand where it was. John looked at it like it was an Iratus bug then moved his hand to pick up another bite from his plate.

Maybe if he kept putting food in his mouth, she wouldn't expect him to talk. Or maybe he could take a page from Ronon's book of dining etiquette and shove as much in as would possibly fit. She'd grow disgusted and leave him alone.

Unfortunately he hadn't put a whole lot on his plate so there wasn't much left. As he chewed on his last few bites, she studied him closely, making him feel like a cell under a microscope.

He reached for his bottle of water and her hand moved back to his arm. "I'd love to hear all about what you've been doing with yourself. Maybe we could go someplace a bit more secluded and have a nice _private_ discussion."

As she said this her hand dropped to John's knee and started moving up his thigh in an intimate caress. He almost fell off the stool in an effort to back away but he had no place to go with the wall against his back. And Clarissa continued to inch forward until there was barely space for air between them.

John's eyes grew panicked. "Uh, I …uh thought you were married."

Clarissa shrugged and reached up to straighten John's collar then moved to brush imaginary lint off his shoulders.

"I was," she confessed. "He was much older than me. It seemed like a great idea at the time but after a while I'm afraid I lost interest."

Her hands started to move down his chest. Maybe a few years ago John would have appreciated an attractive woman making such an overt move on him but recalling her history and his recent commitment to Teyla, he knew this was a bad idea.

He took her hands and removed them from his shirt. "Well you never had any interest in me before, not sure that I've changed that much."

He tried to move past her but she stood her ground and pressed even closer to him, her hands going right back to where they were.

"I find you incredibly interesting now, Colonel John Sheppard. You travel to other galaxies, fight vicious alien creatures, have sex with alien women. Maybe you've learned a few things I might like. I found myself really turned on seeing you in chains."

Her fingers pushed aside the collar of his shirt and stroked the feeding scar that was still slightly visible. "Watching this happen got me so hot! We could go back to my place. I've got cuffs and chains and we could actually reenact this little scene."

John thought he could possibly vomit at her suggestion and decided to break one rule he'd always lived by; never manhandle a woman. But enough was enough. He pulled her hands away again and roughly moved her aside.

"You're sick, you know that," he accused. "You should seriously consider seeking help. And I'm not interested in your offer. Go find someone else to play with."

He moved past her and only stopped when she questioned, "What if I don't want someone else? What if I decided I want you?"

"I don't really care," John snapped back.

"You might care if I convince my father to withdraw his business from PSI."

John paused as he was just about to move away again. Was this woman serious? Not that it mattered.

"Then he'd be a fool, wouldn't he?" John challenged and moved as rapidly as possible through the kitchen and outside.

He noticed she hadn't followed so he slowed down slightly. His knee was twinging a bit even with the brace on it. He spotted Dave just moving away from one group of people so he flagged him down.

Dave walked over and commented," You're still with us, John. I thought you'd have bugged out by now."

"Well I think I just reached my limit," John admitted. "But I wanted to apologize ahead of time. I may have screwed things up for you with Van der Port Enterprises."

Dave just chuckled, "Let me guess. Clarissa wanted something from you and you refused."

John's lip turned up in a snarl. "She wanted to reenact my little Wraith torture scene. Apparently men in cuffs and chains get her all hot and bothered."

Dave shook his head and touched his shoulder. "I'm sorry. Her Dad's a great businessman but that woman has a few problems. Don't worry about it."

"Good! I wasn't planning to. But you know dealing with people like her aren't that different than dealing with a hungry Wraith."

"See," Dave returned. "You'd fit right in. You're sure you don't want to stay and run the business with me? I'd love to have you."

John grinned. "I'm pretty sure, yeah. But if it ends up I can't pass the military standards, I may end up taking you up on that offer."

Dave's eyes grew serious. "You're not still worried about that, are you? Even with all the progress you've made."

John glanced down at the brace hugging his knee, poking out the end of his shorts. "Not everything is back to normal yet."

"You're going to be fine, John." Dave promised. "You may not be completely ready in three weeks like you want but I know you'll get there. You're too stubborn not to."

John's eyebrows rose. "I'm stubborn? That's a case of the pot and the kettle, isn't it?"

Dave chuckled. "Yeah, and now we've got Julia. That woman could out-stubborn Dad."

"That's why she's such a great addition to the family. You're a lucky man, Dave."

John shuffled his feet and then looked up at Dave. "So did I socialize good enough today? Can I be excused?"

Dave sighed. "Sure, you've been a good boy. Just don't tell Julia you're hiding in your room, though. She'll probably come in and drag you out."

"I was thinking I would take one of the horses and go for a long ride. That way nobody can find me. You know crowds aren't my thing."

"That I know," Dave agreed. "I still don't get how you command over two hundred troops with your case of social anxiety."

"I don't have to _socialize_ with them; I just tell them what to do. A large portion of my job is actually administrative. I schedule off-world missions, make duty rosters, requisition supplies, write a million status reports and go over all the team mission logs. It's not all the glorious, dangerous stuff you saw or heard them talk about on the news special."

"You're just saying that so I won't worry so much when you go back there," Dave accused.

"Doesn't matter what I say, I think you'll worry anyway."

"Probably," Dave replied. "Take Diablo out for your ride. He likes to run and hasn't been worked much lately."

John nodded. "I was thinking of him and that we both needed a workout."

Dave told him the party would still be going on for a while but to have Diablo back before the fireworks began as he was skittish with too much noise.

"I'll be back before then," John told him. "Although that doesn't mean I'll start socializing again."

Dave nodded and John moved toward the stables.

He started out slow then got Diablo into a full gallop. He'd always loved doing this when he was younger, the wind whipping past his face, the speed and the thrill. He used to think it was what flying felt like. Maybe it was one of the reasons he'd wanted to fly so much.

And maybe if his Dad had just kept him away from the horses, he would have happily joined the family business. John chuckled to himself. Or maybe not!

He spent the next few hours alternating between riding and enjoying the scenery in a few of his favorite locations. And thinking.

Thinking of all the times he'd been to these places as a kid. Thinking how he couldn't wait to get away from them and explore new places. Thinking how he'd like to bring Teyla and T.J. here when they came back in a few weeks.

That thought alone made all the bad thoughts disappear and a smile came to his face.

The sun was sinking in the sky so John figured he'd better head back. The crowds had thinned out but there were still more people there than John felt comfortable with.

He spent a little extra time getting Diablo settled in his stall then moved to the house. He changed into clothes that didn't smell like horse and reflected on the day.

With the exception of Clarissa, it hadn't been half bad. He couldn't say he really enjoyed it all but it had been nice seeing his aunt and uncle again. He'd played nice with some of Dave's business associates and even got an invitation to join them for golf next weekend.

The best part though had been seeing Dave's look of approval when he'd put forth the effort to talk with his friends. Maybe he should have done more of that when his Dad had wanted him to. He hadn't loved it but it hadn't killed him.

And he knew the look of pride and acceptance he might have seen on his father's face would have been so worth it.

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xoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxo

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	19. Chapter 19

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"Pick up your bag and let us go, Torren," Teyla instructed her young son. "We do not wish to keep anyone waiting."

Torren plucked his little backpack off the floor and galloped to the door. "I ready Mama. We doe see Papa Bear? He tum home?"

Teyla laughed quietly at the new name her son had insisted on calling John ever since their visit many months ago. She knew her son felt it bound them together, closer like a family. She did not think John would object.

"I am hopeful that he will be able to return with us this time."

In the most recent e-mail John had sent, he still seemed unsure if he would pass the physical requirements needed to be put on active duty again. He never gave much detail as he wasn't sure how secure and private their e-mails were. For that reason, Teyla, too, kept the communication very general.

As they approached the gate room they were met by Rodney, Ronon and Major Lorne.

"Give the Colonel our best," Lorne began. "Tell him I completely understand if he needs more time but also let him know we really could use him back here. _**I**_ could really use him back here. We're all rooting for him."

"I will, Major," Teyla replied. "I know if there is any way John can pass that test, he will. However, he cannot make his body do things it is not ready for, no matter how much he wants it to."

"I understand," Lorne said then kneeled down to talk to Torren.

Rodney and Ronon moved closer.

"We're not as understanding," declared Rodney.

"Yeah," Ronon added, "Tell Sheppard to get his lazy butt back here. I'm tired of picking up all the slack."

Teyla's mouth quirked slightly. "I will tell him but only if he has passed his physical examinations and allowed to resume duty. He will be disappointed enough if he is not ready and will not welcome what he will feel is a failure on his part."

"Fine!" Rodney snapped but it was somewhat subdued. "Just tell him we want him back."

"That I can do."

The group moved over to stand in front of the gate and Mr. Woolsey appeared on the balcony.

"Teyla, tell Colonel Sheppard good luck. And have General Landry send us back the results of the Colonel's physical."

Teyla nodded her head in affirmation then reached for the small child's hand.

"Remember Torren, we will be spending a short time on the Mid-Way Station first. But then we will be going to Earth."

"See Papa Bear!" Torren yelled and jumped up and down excitedly.

As they walked through the shimmering event horizon, Teyla knew exactly how he felt.

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xoxoxoxo xoxooxoxxo xoxoxoxox

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John felt the plane lift off the runway and a rush of adrenaline coursed through him. It had been over six months since he'd piloted any kind of aircraft. And the only thing he remembered of that last flight was trying to stay conscious and in his seat.

This time he was flying Dave's Cessna and he was alone on his way to Colorado Springs. As he rechecked navigation and assured himself all the instruments were working properly, his gaze fell on his arms and the blue suit jacket encasing them.

His team had brought his dress uniform with them during their last trip. He usually hated wearing it, preferring the black BDU's over the starched formal wear. But today it helped him feel like an Air Force officer. He was hoping it would instill an air of confidence in him that he was far from feeling.

Julia had helped by making sure the uniform was neat and pressed and that his tie and collar were straight. He ran his hand through his hair, or what was left of it, remembering Dave and Julia's faces when he'd shown up yesterday. He'd stopped after rehab and gotten his friend Tom to give him that military cut he'd asked about months ago.

Okay, maybe it wasn't quite that short but over the past six months he'd only had it cut twice. Julia and Dave had grown used to seeing his hair fairly long and shaggy and this was anything but. However, he was willing to do whatever it took to get back on active duty and he didn't want Landry to have anything to complain about. If he got back to Atlantis … no, _once_ he got back to Atlantis, he could let it grow out a bit more.

His stomach dipped and twisted and he knew it had nothing to do with the slight turbulence he was experiencing in the air. He'd been pushing himself really hard the last few weeks, too hard according to a few people. But they didn't quite understand his desperation.

He'd gone golfing a few weeks back with some of Dave's friends and he'd been fairly pleased with his score. It wasn't bad considering he hadn't played a real round of golf in over six years. What he hadn't been pleased about was the fact that his knee had given out three quarters of the way through the round.

They'd had a golf cart for their clubs but John was mortified when he'd had to hitch a ride for the last few holes. No one else seemed to think anything of it, knowing he'd been in a wheelchair just months before. But John knew how much was at stake today and he didn't want to blow it.

He'd gotten up extra early to ice his knee, hoping and praying it would behave. He wasn't sure he could take the disappointment if he didn't pass these exams.

But on the bright side, Teyla and Torren were due in around the time he'd be finishing up. He couldn't wait to see them again. It had only been about five or six weeks since he'd seen Teyla, John chuckled, knowing it had seemed like forever. But he hadn't seen T.J. in about four months. That was forever, especially in the life of a two year old child.

And now Torren was two and a half. He could tell he'd gotten bigger and his vocabulary had grown quite a bit. But seeing him on a computer screen was not a satisfying experience. He wanted to hold the little guy in his arms and blow raspberries on his chubby belly and be on the receiving end of his sweet little kisses.

That brought a smile to his face that stayed there until he radioed Peterson for clearance to land. A car was waiting to bring him to Cheyenne Mountain and the elevator ride down into the SGC was the most nerve wracking thing he'd gone through in a very long time.

Sam Carter's smiling face was waiting for him when the elevator doors opened.

"John," she greeted happily. "You look great! Are you ready?"

John gave a crooked smile and returned, "Colonel, good to see you, too. And whether I'm ready or not is soon to be determined, right?"

Sam nodded, "Right," and she escorted John down the hall. "You do remember that we're the same rank now? I think you can call me Sam."

"Just trying to do everything right today," John confessed. "I hate to admit that I'm a little nervous."

"I'll repeat, you look great!" Sam said again. "I can't believe how quickly you bounced back. It's half the time they said you would."

"Well, you know me," John said. "I don't always like doing what's expected."

Sam just laughed as they walked into the infirmary and she wished him luck.

Dr. Lam also expressed her astonishment at how quickly John had recovered then shooed him into a back room to put on a johnny so she could do a complete physical examination.

Thirty minutes later, after John had been poked, pinched and prodded in numerous locations he was told to don gym clothes for the endurance, fitness and mobility part of the evaluation. Dr. Lam told him she'd run his blood work during this time so it would be on General Landry's desk when he was done.

John felt confident with his range and mobility and by the looks and comments from the attending physicians, he'd done well. As he'd been doing a lot of weight lifting at rehab, the strength portion was no problem. Now he was on the treadmill for the endurance part of the evaluation. He knew he'd have no problem lasting for the whole time. For the past week or so he'd been spending almost an hour out on the road each morning before he went to the center.

His biggest concern was the damned knee that every now and then liked to stop working for short periods of time. Or worse would be a bout of back spasms that still managed to nag him every few weeks, usually when he pushed himself too hard. Like he had this past week.

But so far, so good. He'd been on the treadmill for over thirty minutes now and he'd increased his speed over that time. His testers were conferring and he figured they'd let him stop pretty soon. They started walking over to him and then panic set in. He could feel the twinge in his knee that signaled it could stop working any minute.

"I think you can stop now, Colonel. We've got enough data."

John pressed the controls to slow the machine just as his knee gave out. He grabbed at the handle in front of him to keep from falling then looked with concern at the doctor who had grabbed his arm when he'd stumbled.

_Oh, God! This is it! I made it all this way just to blow it at the finish line_. John's swiftly beating heart felt heavy in his chest; that is until the doctor patted his arm and apologized.

"I'm sorry, Colonel. I should have told you that machine shuts off pretty quick. You didn't hurt yourself, did you?"

John had no plan on telling the truth; that his knee had just given out. Let them think it was the machine that made him stumble.

"No, I'll be fine. What's next?" he asked hoping this had been it. It was.

They sent him back to the locker room where he took a quick shower and put his uniform back on. He was just sitting down on a bench to tie his shoes when the door opened.

"Well, hot damn! Don't you look pretty," Cam Mitchell whistled as he walked in. "Who you trying to impress, Sheppard?"

John looked up and responded, "Landry, if you must know. He's the one making the final decision, I think."

Mitchell sat down next to John and said, "Good luck! I know you're probably a little nervous right now. I know I was when I had to go through it. Both times."

"Both times?" John asked in alarm. "How long was your recovery?"

"A lot longer than yours," Mitchell answered. "It was almost a year when I tried the first time. Didn't quite pass so I had to spend another month in rehab. I finally made it though. And it was worth it. They gave me any assignment I wanted."

John nodded and gave a half smile. "I just want to go back to Atlantis."

Cam slapped John on the leg and said, "Well, it's time to go hear the verdict. Landry's waiting for you in his office. He sent me to tell you."

John's eyes narrowed at the pilot sitting next to him. "He didn't give you any indication of what that verdict might be?"

"Nope!" Cam chirped. "But he seemed to be in a pretty decent mood."

John thought for a minute. "Hmm, good mood because I passed or he hates me enough to get pleasure out of telling me I failed?"

Mitchell stood up and gently slapped John on the back of the head. "Only one way to find out, Sheppard. Get off your ass and go talk to the man."

John gave his knee a quick rub and rose slowly, giving it time to adjust. Cam looked down at John's leg.

"The last holdout, huh?' Did they notice?"

"Not sure. Guess there's only one way to tell."

They walked down the hall together and Cam shook his hand a few yards from Landry's office.

"Good luck!"

John smiled his thanks and gave a cautious knock on the General's door.

A booming voice called out, "Come in!" and John took a deep breath before moving into the office.

General Landry looked up when John entered and said, "Colonel Sheppard, shut the door and come on in."

John closed the door then gave a crisp salute. "General Landry, Sir."

Landry just chuckled, which didn't instill a whole lot of confidence in John.

"You're looking and acting like a real military officer, Sheppard. You must want this pretty bad."

"Yes, Sir!" John replied with no trace of the emotional upheaval he was actually feeling.

"Sit down, Colonel," Landry invited as he opened a file in front of him.

"I'm fine, Sir," John told him still at strict attention.

Landry almost rolled his eyes and commanded, "At ease, then."

John changed his stance but his gaze never left the General. He watched as the man flipped through several pages in the file then looked up.

"Well, you've impressed the doctors here, Colonel, with your faster than usual recovery. They said your range of motion, mobility, strength and endurance are all well above where they need to be for reactivation."

John breathed a sigh of relief and felt a weight lift from his chest. That was the part he'd worried about most. But Landry wasn't finished.

"Dr. Lam said pretty much everything checked out with your physical exam and blood work, too."

"Pretty much, Sir?" John asked, holding his breath.

"Apparently you still have a trace of that neurotoxin in your blood."

John felt his chest tighten up again. He'd passed the physical part only to be screwed by some rogue cells that didn't want to disappear.

The General looked up as he turned another page in the file. "Dr. Lam doesn't seem to think it's a problem, though. The trace amount apparently isn't causing any difficulties."

John let the breath out that he'd been holding. He could tell them exactly where those random toxic cells were; his right knee and the middle of his back. But there was no way in hell he'd actually share that fact with anyone.

Landry was still looking through the file and John was wondering if the man was trying to find some loophole to keep him from active duty. Landry held up a few sheets of paper and went on.

"This is a report from a Dr. Lambert."

John felt the other shoe drop as he looked at the report. This was the loophole. Even though Lambert had said all their sessions were private, it still didn't stop him from giving his opinion on John's mental stability. That was it, he was sunk.

Over the last few months he'd really opened up to Lambert, especially after the news report was aired. Lambert had wanted to spend a lot of time talking about the Wraith feeding after he'd actually seen it and John's subsequent nightmares. John had even shown him the letter he'd found from his Dad. That had opened up a whole _new_ can of worms.

They'd spent more time than John cared to remember discussing his guilt issues. He'd actually started to think he could let some of it go. Not all of course. Certain things were just too hard. Sumner still bothered him and Ford.

And then of course, Elizabeth. He still regretted that he hadn't tried to go back for her. But the IOA and SGC had given orders not to, so he didn't. But he'd gone against orders before, to rescue Teyla a few times and to take Atlantis back from the Replicators. He should have gone after Elizabeth but he hadn't.

He looked at Landry who was smiling up at him with a smug grin on his face. He wished the man would just get it over with so he could go out in the hallway and cry. Okay, he knew he'd never actually do that but he sure as heck felt like it.

Landry put the report down and said, "Dr. Lambert said you're a very interesting man, Colonel. I have to agree with him on that one. Although our version of interesting might differ slightly. But he also said you were very cooperative, after a time. He found you to have a great inner strength and said he saw no reason whatsoever that you couldn't return to active duty. He thought your personality and character traits made you a perfect candidate for running a military base in a different galaxy. I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not, Colonel, but either way, it's good enough for me."

He closed the file and looked up at Sheppard, waiting for a reply. When all he got was a worried stare, he finished, "Do I have to spell it out for you, Sheppard? You passed!"

John's eyes closed and his shoulders sagged in relief but he quickly straightened up again and said, "Thank you, Sir!"

"You did all the work, Colonel, and no small amount of work it was. Congratulations!"

He stood up and walked over to John, hand extended. John shook it, thanking him again.

"When …?"

"You'll be put on active duty one week from today. That's Thursday, the day Teyla's scheduled to go back. You can go with her and your command will be reinstated as soon as you step foot in Atlantis again."

John felt himself begin to breathe again. He'd done it! He was going back! He had one week left on Earth. First Dave and Julia's wedding then a few days with Teyla and T.J. and then he was going home.

An alarm sounded and brought John out of his musings.

"That's most likely your guests right now, Colonel," Landry told him. "You should probably go meet them."

A huge grin split John's face as he gave the General another salute and said, "Yes, Sir!"

They walked into the control room and John saw the chevrons on the gate start to glow.

"Well get down there, son!" Landry ordered and pointed to the stairs.

John didn't waste any time and was standing at the bottom of the ramp in seconds. Teyla and Torren came through together but as soon as the little boy saw John, he dropped his backpack and trotted down the ramp squealing.

John knelt down and caught the little toddling body in a huge embrace. He stood up and pulled Torren in as close as he could while the child's arms wrapped around John's neck in a death grip.

After a few moments, John loosened his hold and whispered, "I missed you so much, Pal."

Torren also pulled back but only slightly. "I miss you, Papa Bear. You all bettah? You tum home?"

John looked over and saw Teyla standing right next to them. He reached for her arm and bowed his head. She did the same and their foreheads touched.

"Hi, Teyla. It's great to see you again, too."

Teyla looked up and said, "You did not answer Torren's question."

John swallowed the lump in his throat. He was feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment. But it was too many _good _things happening, he had to keep telling himself.

A grin appeared on his face and he nodded. "I did it! I passed!"

He held T.J. right in front of his face. "We're gonna spend time with Uncle Dave and Auntie Julia first but then I'm coming home with you and Mommy."

Torren's eyes grew really big and he whispered, "You tum home!"

He then turned toward Teyla and said excitedly, "Mama, he tum home!"

Teyla rubbed her son's back but kept her eyes on the man in front of her. "That is indeed wonderful news."

She wanted to say and do more but she could see people moving around in the control room beyond.

As she looked up she heard General Landry's voice say, "I hate to break up the reunion, Colonel, but Dr. Lam's going to need to see them in the infirmary first."

John just nodded and picked up Teyla's bag from her while still carrying T.J. Teyla followed up behind with Torren's bag.

In the infirmary Torren refused to let go of John so Dr. Lam compromised and did the exam with him in John's arms. She walked off with the blood work saying it shouldn't take much more than ten or fifteen minutes.

Once she was gone, John moved right in front of Teyla who was still sitting on one of the exam beds.

He shifted T.J. to one side and asked, "How are you, Teyla?"

She reached up to touch his face. "I am very well now that I am here with you again."

She ran her hands along the shoulders of his uniform. "I am very pleased that you are completely well again and I must tell you that you look extremely handsome in that uniform, John."

"You think so, huh?" He looked at T.J. and whispered, "Hey, Baby Bear, I really need to kiss Mama Bear right now. You think I could put you down next to her for a minutes so I can do it right?"

Torren giggled but allowed John to place him on the bed. John took one last look toward the door then placed his hands on the side of Teyla's face. He slid one into her hair and the other caressed her cheek.

"I've been dreaming of this since the second you left."

His head descended and his lips touched Teyla's. The familiar feel and taste of them awoke longing deep inside him. Teyla's hands moved to the lapels of John's uniform to pull him in close as well.

John allowed his lips to whisper across Teyla's then close and nibble on her bottom lip. Teyla's tongue peeked out but before John could respond he heard the sound of a throat clearing.

He pulled away and raised panic stricken eyes to see Sam Carter standing in the doorway, a large grin on her face.

"Colonel, I, um …"

John was about to say it wasn't what it looked like. But Carter wasn't stupid; it was exactly what it looked like.

"John," Sam chuckled, "Vegas, remember. It seems we have more in common than we thought."

John nodded in thanks and relief. Sam moved closer and Teyla slid off to embrace her friend.

"So, how long have you two uh …?" Sam started to ask but stopped herself.

John looked uncomfortable but figured he owed her some explanation. "Just since I've been here … her last visit, really."

"And Kanaan?" Sam wondered curiously.

Teyla slipped her hand around John's elbow and replied, "Kanaan and I have not truly been together in some time. It was a mutual decision based on a lack of real commitment to each other."

Sam lowered her eyes and said, "Yeah, I know the feeling. So, as a friend, can I ask how long you two have had feelings for each other?"

John and Teyla quickly glanced at each other and responded at the same time, "Six years."

Sam actually gave a sad smile. "That's familiar, too, believe it or not."

Teyla looked confused so John said, "I'll explain later."

Torren decided he'd been ignored long enough so he whined a bit and held up his arms. John willingly obliged and scooped him up.

Sam smiled at them and commented, "You know, John, I never realized you were so good with kids until I saw the Atlantis news special."

Teyla looked at her son and the man holding him and responded, "John and Torren have much in common."

John's eyes narrowed but his lips curled up. "Are you saying I act like a kid?"

Teyla pasted an innocent expression on her face. "I said no such thing."

Sam's eyes twinkled. "I've worked with him, Teyla. You probably _could _say that."

John just chuckled and blew a raspberry on Torren's neck.

Sam laughed. "I really just came over to say congratulations, John. I hear it's official. You're heading back to Atlantis next week."

John shifted T.J. a bit higher in his arms and replied, "Yep, heading home. It's about time!"

"I'm happy for you and I think Woolsey will be thrilled. General Landry just sent him a message telling him the good news. The General also told me to tell you there's a car waiting to take you to Peterson as soon as you're ready."

"We're just waiting for Dr. Lam to give these two the okay."

"And you've got that now," Lam said, coming into the room. "They're all set, Colonel. And congratulations on getting your active-duty status back."

John thanked her, they said good bye to Sam and headed to the car that would take them to Peterson.

Torren fell asleep on the hour plus plane trip and didn't even wake up when John tucked him into the car seat in the Volvo.

Teyla finished stowing their bags and moved past John to get in the front. Before she got in, John touched her elbow and she turned to face him. No words were spoken as Teyla's arms reached for John and he wrapped his around Teyla.

John knew he'd held Teyla in his arms this way a few times before. But it had always been bittersweet. She'd been upset and hurting each time and had needed the strength of his embrace. But holding her then had been almost painful for him. He had never been comfortable with emotional touch and holding Teyla, with the feelings he'd always had for her had been an exquisite torture.

But now things were different. She was aware of how he felt and she felt the same. So this time he just enjoyed her embrace and gave freely back to her.

John kissed the top of her head and told her they'd stop at PSI; he knew Dave was anxious to hear how he'd made out.

T.J. woke up a few minutes before arriving at Dave's office so John carried him in snuggled on his shoulder.

As they approached Dave's office, Mrs. Tucker looked up from her desk and called out, "Colonel, don't you look dashing in your uniform. Is this your family? I didn't get a chance to meet them last time they were here."

John smiled and put a guiding hand on Teyla's back. "This is Teyla and this is T.J."

They exchanged greetings then Mrs. Tucker said, "Your brother is in the second floor conference room giving last minute instructions to the minions before he leaves for three weeks."

"Julia's not letting him conduct any business while they're on their honeymoon," John informed Teyla. "Let's go interrupt; see if we can get him to buy us lunch."

They said goodbye to Mrs. Tucker and walked to the hallway outside the conference room. Through the window John could see Dave standing in the front of the room with a dozen or more business suits.

As soon as Torren saw Dave, he wiggled out of John's arms, pushed open the door and in a not-quite whisper called out, "Unta Dabe!"

Dave was giving his department heads a last briefing for his time away. He was still a little nervous about the limited contact Julia was allowing for the next three weeks. He trusted his people; he just liked to be in control.

He heard the door creak and saw it move then a small voice say, "Unta Dabe."

He looked out the window and saw John, all decked out in his military finery with Teyla by his side. His eyes lowered and saw Torren peeking around the door. When Dave made eye contact with the boy, he came running over. Dave caught him and threw him in the air slightly.

T.J. giggled and when he was back in Dave's arms, called loudly, "We here!"

Dave chuckled and John poked his head in the door and said in his most authoritative military tone, "Dismissed!" Then he gave Dave a cheeky grin, winked and backed out of the door.

Dave looked at the people sitting at the conference table. Some were smiling while some had horrified looks, not knowing who John was and how Dave would react to the interruption.

Dave hated to think he was such an ogre that everyone thought he'd blow a gasket. Okay, truth was in some instances being interrupted that way might have Dave reacting negatively. But maybe over the last six months, since John had been around, he'd loosened up a bit.

And the amazing thing was that Dave was okay with being a little more laid back, a little more like John. Because, just like John, he could be serious when the time was right, and command the respect and authority of his position.

He looked back out the window but John and Teyla had moved out of view. He hoped John's joking mood meant everything had gone okay. But he also knew that John often hid behind humor.

He slid T.J. to the floor and said, "Let's go find Mommy and Daddy."

"Mommy, Daddy," Torren parroted and galloped back to the door.

Dave followed and only then did his department heads make a move to get out of their seats. John and Teyla were standing in the hallway and Dave noticed they were holding hands.

"It's great to see you again, Teyla," Dave greeted. "Julia and I are so glad you and T.J. could make it back for the wedding."

Teyla gave him a quick hug and replied, "We would not have missed it."

Dave then looked over at John, curiosity all over his face. "Well, what happened?"

John's mouth straightened. "You mean when my knee buckled right before I got off the treadmill or when the Doc found a trace of the neurotoxin still in my blood?"

"Oh, John," Dave groaned but he couldn't stop the tiny burst of joy he felt that maybe John would stay for just a short while longer.

But then John grinned and said, "They didn't notice the knee and they thought the trace of the toxin wasn't doing anything. So, I passed! I leave next Thursday with Teyla and T.J. and get my command back as soon as I set foot in Atlantis."

Dave grabbed his brother's hand and patted his arm. He truly was happy for him. The truth was he was sad for himself; and for Julia. They would both miss him very much.

"Julia and I were planning on meeting for lunch at the club. Why don't you join us?" Dave invited them, explaining to Teyla, "That's where the wedding reception is being held. We need to do some last minute checking on a few things."

"I was kind of hoping you'd say that," John admitted. "You buying? Because I was too nervous to eat any breakfast this morning and I'm starving."

Dave snickered. "Sure I'm buying. We can celebrate."

Julia was ecstatic when she saw Teyla and Torren and heard John's good news.

"I'm so happy for you," she said as they sat at the table that was waiting for them. She reached across and touched John's hand.

"But you know I'm going to miss you so much. I've kind of gotten used to having you around."

John just laughed. "I'm sure you'll survive. And just think; now the two of you can run around the house naked anytime you want."

Julia chuckled. "Yes, because your brother's in such a habit of doing that."

As they waited for their food to arrive, John knew he'd miss Dave and Julia, too. As much as the reason for his being here was not a good one, the fact still remained that he and Dave had rebuilt the bond that they'd had as kids. And he was really happy about that. Julia chattered away about the wedding and Teyla listened intently. John was glad that these two women had forged a strong friendship also.

But sitting here right now with T.J. in his lap, playing with the salt and pepper shakers and Teyla sitting next to him, her hand on his leg, he knew he belonged with _them_. And _they_ belonged in another galaxy.

When the meal came, T.J. was reluctantly plopped into his own seat and John could finally enjoy his meal. His appetite had waned over the last few weeks due to the constant worry over today's exams. And he knew he should enjoy it now as the food on Atlantis was fine but it certainly wasn't up to the standards of the Country Club.

They were almost through their meal and Torren had already started playing with his ketchup, when John's eyes nearly popped out of his head and he almost choked on his food.

"John?" Dave checked to make sure he was all right. "What is it?"

John didn't answer, just tilted his chin across the room. Dave glanced over and saw Clarissa Van der Port and her father walking over to a table by the window.

Julia followed their gaze and asked, "Did something happen at the Fourth of July cookout? I remember her being in a snit later in the day."

John looked down and concentrated on his last few bites of food as Dave said, "Well you know how Clarissa is when she doesn't get something she wants."

Julia rolled her eyes. "What did she want this time?"

Dave snuck a quick glance at his brother and answered, "John."

Julia sighed and closed her eyes. "I'm sorry, John. And she can get a little forceful, I imagine."

John just narrowed his eyes and sneered. He really didn't want to talk about her.

"She is very beautiful," Teyla commented, her eyes focused across the room.

John pushed his plate away and turned toward Teyla. "There's only one woman I'm interested in and it's not her."

"Oh?" Teyla responded impishly. "Would I know this woman?"

John's mouth quirked to the side. "You might. She's the most incredible woman I've ever met. She's strong and smart and a natural born leader. She's braver than most of the Marines I know and she can kick the ass of most of them, too. She's exquisitely beautiful, a loving Mom and just about the best friend anyone could ever ask for."

As John listed her qualities, he noticed Teyla's eyes start to glimmer with moisture.

"And as tough as she is," he finished, his hand reaching up to caress her face, "she can still get a little emotional at times."

Teyla's hand reached up to cover his and she smiled her thanks at his lovely words. They heard a sniff and looked over to see Julia dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.

Dave just gave a wry grin and said, "You should see her at movies."

She playfully slapped at him and asked, "How come _you_ don't say romantic stuff like that to me?"

Dave glared at his brother and said, "Thanks, John! Make me look bad."

John grinned. "You can do that all on your own, Dave. You don't need me."

Before anyone could make another comment, Torren stood up in his seat and said to John, "You need a tiss Mama aden?"

Everyone at the table laughed and John thought he might have heard chuckles from a few of the surrounding tables as well.

John looked at T.J. and asked, "Do you think I should?"

Torren leaned on the table and peered intently at Teyla. "Mama, you need a tiss?"

Her cheeks flushed and she responded, "It would be nice."

Torren leaned toward John now, putting his hands on John's shoulder and his lips near his ear. "Otay, you tan tiss Mama."

John moved his hand behind Teyla's neck and brought her a bit closer. His lips touched hers briefly even though they desired to linger much longer. This place was far too public for what he really wanted to do.

He leaned back in his seat and pulled Torren in his lap. "Now it's your turn," he said and planted a smattering of kisses on the little boy's face and neck. Giggles erupted from the child and then John moved him toward Teyla.

"Okay, Pal, your turn to kiss Mommy." Torren reached up and pressed tiny kisses to Teyla's cheeks and nose.

He was just crawling back when he heard, "David, good to see you again. All ready for the big day?"

John looked up as David greeted, "Howard, how are you?"

Howard Van der Port looked down and said, "Colonel Sheppard, good to see you, too. We didn't get a chance to talk at the party a few weeks back."

John tucked Torren in his left arm and rose to shake the man's hand. When he saw the man looking at the boy in his arms, he introduced, "This is T.J." he put his hand down on Teyla's shoulder and continued, "and this is Teyla."

"You have a beautiful family, Colonel," Van der Port complimented. "I can see you enjoy them. It's one of the reasons I came over. I know Clarissa was a little … assertive … at the cookout. I wanted to apologize. It's nice to see a man take his commitments seriously, especially when tempted by something … sweet and desirable, at a time when his defenses might be down. You've got my respect, son."

He looked over at Teyla. "You've got yourself a good man, here. Take care of him."

Teyla smiled, "Oh, I intend to."

John shook the man's hand again and said, "Thank you, sir."

Van der Port inclined his head at John's uniform. "I was a Navy man myself. I've gotta tell you, son, you've got some impressive chest candy there."

He eyed the rows of ribbons on John's uniform. When he saw the light blue ribbon with the five white stars, he let out a low whistle.

"The Medal of Honor? It takes some doing to get that one so I'll say thank you for whatever it was that you did to earn it. A sacrifice like that shouldn't go unrecognized."

Van der Port ruffled Torren's hair and said, "I'll see you all at the wedding."

John sat back down as the man walked away and asked worried, "_She's _not coming to the wedding, is she?"

Julia shook her head as Dave settled the bill.

Teyla noticed the woman's acerbic stare as they walked past on their way out and asked, "Exactly what happened with this woman?"

John just shrugged as he put Torren in the car seat. "Let's just say she made her intentions known and you weren't there to beat her off with your sticks and defend my honor."

Teyla just nodded her head. "But you did survive without me."

"Next time I might not be so lucky."

They said good bye to Dave and Julia saying they'd see them at dinnertime. An hour later they were finally pulling into Dave's driveway. They had made a quick stop at the rehab center to share the good news. Everyone was thrilled and they all made comments about how handsome the Colonel looked in his dress blues and shorter hair. And of course they had to ooh and aah over how adorable Torren was.

At home, once the bags were settled, John changed into a pair of cargo shorts and casual shirt and Teyla had gotten comfortable in a loose sundress. T.J. had taken a short nap in the car and was just properly waking up so they settled in the den. John got the boy busy with some blocks then pulled out his guitar. He and Teyla had been planning a surprise for Dave and Julia's wedding and spent some time practicing.

Josie came in with groceries and invited Torren to help her make some cookies for dessert. With them in the kitchen, John pulled Teyla down on the couch next to him. She snuggled up close and swung her legs into John's lap. He leaned down and pressed his lips to the top of Teyla's head.

"Mmm, feels good to have you right here again."

Teyla nodded and let out a huge sigh. "It will be even nicer when you are back on Atlantis. Seeing you only every few months has been unsatisfactory."

John was silent for a moment then his arms tightened around Teyla. "I'm not really sure what the protocol is for our situation. I'm not supposed to 'fraternize' but you're not military. You're not even from the same _galaxy_ but you _are _on my team. I'm not sure they've run across this situation before."

Teyla held her breath. "Do you wish to cease our relationship or hide it from others?"

John's lips touched her hair again. "It took me this long to get to this point. There's no way I'm gonna give it up. And I don't really want to lie or hide anything but that doesn't mean we should flaunt it. We just need to be very professional at all times."

Teyla sat up and repeated, "Professional. I assume that means if we were in the mess hall or conference room, it would be inappropriate to do this."

She sat in his lap facing him and moved her lips to his.

"Very inappropriate," John mumbled between kisses. "Although it might be interesting to see Woolsey's face if we did this on his mahogany table."

Teyla chuckled and added, "Or this."

She continued to kiss him while her hands started to unbutton his shirt but stopped when she heard a little voice yell, "Dey tissin' aden!"

Teyla looked and saw her son's head peeking in the doorway then disappear with Josie's voice coaxing, "Come on, let's leave them alone." Then her voice got slightly louder as she announced. "It should take us about twenty minutes to make this next batch of cookies, T.J."

"Was that a subtle warning?" John chuckled as he pushed Teyla back on the couch, following her down, "Or a declaration that we've got that much time alone?"

"Does it matter?" Teyla questioned huskily. "Torren will be occupied during this time and we should utilize it well."

"I couldn't agree more," John consented and lowered his mouth to hers.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxox

.

It was almost ten and Torren was still wide awake. _It couldn't be those two naps he had today,_ John thought. Dave and Julia had gone upstairs a short while ago and he could see Teyla starting to wilt. He knew there was a time difference plus she'd spent twelve hours on the Mid-Way Station. It was hard to get any rest _there._

He was struggling to keep his eyes open, also. He hadn't slept well the past week, images of himself in a wheelchair while Landry told him to pack his bags and leave Atlantis for good, going through his head.

"Who dat?" T.J. asked from John's lap as he opened up yet another book.

"That's the family," John replied, looking at the picture. "See the Mommy, the Daddy and the baby."

"Lite us?" Torren asked and he pointed to Teyla, "A Mama, an a Daddy," he pointed to John, "an a baby," he finished pointing to himself.

John's heart clenched when he heard Torren call him Daddy. It wasn't the first time T.J. had made these same assumptions but it never got old. He so wanted to be the kid's Daddy but he knew Kanaan still needed to have a place in his life and John shouldn't replace him, no matter how much he wanted to.

He looked at Teyla, uncertain what her reaction would be.

She touched her son's head and smiled, "Yes, sweetheart, just like us. But it is very late and you need to go to bed. It has been a very long day and I believe tomorrow will be another very busy one."

Torren wrapped his arms around John's neck, old fears returning and pleaded, "I seep with you?"

John grinned, thinking he should have seen that one coming. He was hoping for other things tonight but the truth was both he and Teyla were exhausted and he wanted things to be perfect. He'd need energy for what he had in mind.

He gave Teyla an apologetic look and then smiled at Torren. "Sure, just for tonight, though. Let's go get ready."

As he passed Teyla, he touched her back and invited, "You're welcome to join us, too."

Teyla's eyebrow rose and she asked, "Is there room?"

John winked. "We'll make room."

A few minutes later John was settling T.J. in next to him on the bed when Teyla appeared in the doorway, the thin camisole and pajama bottoms making her look almost like a teenager.

John drew T.J.'s attention to his mother. "You think there's enough room in here for your Mom?"

T.J. looked excited. "Mama, you wanna seep here, too?"

Teyla's smile grew big. "If it is okay with you."

Torren nodded and Teyla slid in next to him. He snuggled up against John on his other side but put a hand out to rest on his mother's arm. Teyla cold sense the contentment emanating from her son.

She moved in close and lay her hand on her son's hip. John's hand covered hers and the happiness he was feeling came through loud and clear without any effort from Teyla. She wanted to enjoy this moment for as long as possible but the length and activity of the day finally took its toll and her eyes drifted shut.

.

.

xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo

.

"Why is it I always crave ice cream after we … you know …?" David asked his fiancée as he licked the last drop from his spoon.

"It's called sex, David," Julia purred back to him from his side at the stool by the kitchen counter. "And you probably need something to cool you down after being with someone so incredibly hot!"

She slid her hand inside his robe to blaze a path down his chest. "Did the ice cream cool you down enough because I feel my temperature rising again?"

"Keep it up, woman and I might not make it through the honeymoon."

Julia's hand continued to wander. "But that's all I need _you_ to do during the honeymoon is _keep it up_. I can do the rest." Her hand moved lower and David almost fell off the stool.

"You're going to wake up John and Teyla," David pointed out as his fiancée sidled up closer to him.

"They haven't seen each other in a few months; hopefully they're doing something along the same lines as this." She loosened the tie on her robe and tried to tug David's boxers lower.

"I don't know. T.J. was still up barely an hour ago. He might not even be asleep yet. John said he took a few naps today."

Julia gave David a look of mild disgust but rebelted her robe. She moved to the door of the den and looked beyond at the two bedrooms. All was quiet but the door on the right looked like it was open. If John and Teyla had managed to be together in John's room, it meant the little guy was on his own. Was the door open because he was looking for his parents?

This was the first night he'd spent here in four months. Everything would be unfamiliar. Julia put the den light on and moved closer. She would just check to make sure he was sleeping soundly and wasn't in need of comfort.

"What are you doing?" David asked as he followed behind her.

"The door is open. I'm just making sure Torren doesn't need anything."

They both moved to the doorway and realized the room was empty and the bed was still made. She looked questioningly at David and wondered where the small boy was.

"Do you think…?" she pointed at John's closed door.

David shook his head, "Don't even think about it. What if John and Teyla are … you know …?"

"Having sex!" Julia whispered ferociously. "Then where's T.J.?"

David figured she had a point. Better to be embarrassed than to realize in the morning that he had wandered off someplace.

Julia quietly opened John's door and peered inside. The light from the hall fell on three sleeping figures inside. John, Teyla and T.J. tucked in right between them. Julia and David looked at each other with relief. A sweet warmth filled Julia when she saw John and Teyla's hands clasped together resting on the young child.

They quietly closed the door and backed away. As they shut the lights off in the den and kitchen, Julia started sliding her robe off her shoulders. Her hands started on David's tie and the flames engulfed them so swiftly they never even made it to the top of the stairs.

.

.

xoxoxoxoox xoxoxoxox xoxoxoxo

.

John woke up with a sense of dread inside. But immediately memories came back and it all washed away. Yesterday he'd passed all the Air Force physical standards and was being put back on active duty starting next week. Teyla and T.J. had arrived …

John's eyes popped open when he remembered that they'd all crawled into his bed last night. A smile slowly appeared on his face when he saw them both tucked neatly in beside him. Teyla was facing him, her hand resting on her son's back. T.J. was facing him, too, but his giraffe and quilt were obscuring John's vision of the boy.

He gently tugged the items away from Torren's face only to find his eyes open, sleepy but open.

"Morning, Buddy," John whispered and tousled the child's hair. "Did you have a good sleep?"

T.J. nodded but kept his thumb firmly in his mouth. John didn't think he was fully awake yet. He studied the boy for a few minutes closely. It had been far too long since he had last seen him and the changes, though gradual, were still there. He felt cheated that he'd missed that important time. But no more, not if he could help it.

His gaze moved past T.J. to settle on Teyla. Her face looked peaceful in slumber and she was even more breathtaking than usual. It still seemed surreal that she was willingly lying here next to him and that it would continue on. Oh, he hoped it continued on.

He hadn't had a ton of serious relationships in his life but he'd blown it with all of them. He didn't want that to happen with this one. Teyla was too special, too important.

Even though he'd been attracted to her from the start, he'd never done anything about it and they had become just friends. He liked being friends with Teyla; he found it an easy thing to do. And he'd been content to be _just_ her friend.

That is until she'd told him she was pregnant. The thought of her with someone else had been like a knife in the gut. It made him realize the feelings he had for Teyla were more than just that of a friend. But he knew it had been his own fault. He could easily have made attempts at being more than friends but he never had.

And he thought she'd been happy with Kanaan. But that was all hindsight. Time to look forward. And maybe the fact that they had been such good friends before becoming romantically involved would bode well for their relationship.

He looked back at T.J. who now seemed much more awake and quietly asked, "You want me to put the TV on for you?"

T.J.'s eyes lit up and he nodded a vigorous yes. John reached behind him for the remote and flicked on the small TV on the table near the foot of the bed. He lowered the volume and found a PBS station playing an early morning kids' show. Torren crawled to sit on the foot of the bed, his blanket and giraffe clutched tight in his hands.

Now that T.J. was occupied, John slid a bit closer to Teyla. He didn't want to wake her; he knew she'd been exhausted last night. But he couldn't resist reaching out and touching her hair, running his thumb along her lower lip, caressing her jaw.

She inhaled a deep breath and moved her head slightly. John was impatient though. He shouldn't be since he knew she'd be here for close to a week and then he was going back with her. But he was. He felt like he'd waited forever to wake up with her next to him like this.

He leaned in and kissed the tip of her nose then rested his lips on her forehead. A soft sound escaped Teyla's lips and her head tipped up as her eyes opened. That brought her lips in proximity to John's with her eyes staring into his.

"Good morning, beautiful!" John murmured softly and moved his lips the fraction of an inch to touch hers lightly. John thought her eyes almost glowed, she looked so radiant.

"I think I could definitely get used to waking up like this," John commented with a smile.

Teyla grinned. "You mean with a two year old in between us?"

John's eyes flicked toward T.J. who was being well entertained with the show. "Not exactly. I guess I meant waking up and having your gorgeous face be the first thing I see."

Teyla's face flushed and John was amazed. How could she not know how incredibly beautiful she was? John snaked his hand around her waist and gave a small tug so they were flush against each other.

"Much better now that there's no two year old between us?"

"Yes," Teyla acknowledged. "But there is still a two year old sitting on the foot of the bed whom we must be aware of."

"I guess I need to keep it G-rated, huh?" John teased and his lips approached hers again, stopping less than a breath away. John kept his lips not quite touching Teyla's and breathed in the unique scent that was her.

"So, these new quarters of yours;" John questioned, "how much room do you have?"

Teyla looked confused for a second then realized where John's train of thought was going.

"We have more than enough room for Torren and myself," Teyla teased.

John's lips moved around hers but never quite touched. "Enough room for someone else to … stop by occasionally?"

Teyla nodded breathlessly, incited by John's lips tantalizing hers with their proximity.

"Our living area is large with several sofas and chairs and we have separate rooms for sleeping."

John's lips turned up slightly in a tiny grin as his nose brushed hers. "Good sized bedrooms?"

"Mine is big enough to fit the very large bed Major Lorne found for me."

John's mouth stopped moving for a second. "So this isn't the same bed you had in your old quarters?"

"No," Teyla whispered back. She knew the implication of that. John was surreptitiously asking if it was the same bed she had shared with Kanaan. Outwardly John Sheppard was not the emotional insecure type but Teyla had a feeling there were some things, like her relationship with Kanaan, that brought it out in him.

She wanted to reassure him he need not worry; she had feelings only for him now. She moved her hand from where it had been resting between them, to slide around his back and slip under his T-shirt. It caressed his skin up his back and down again a few times.

John's eyes closed for a brief second then opened to gaze into hers again. "That's very nice," He said and his hand mimicked the action on her back. She continued to slide her hand along his back and even bravely ventured under the waistband of his bottoms to stroke his backside.

John's eyes widened as he observed, "Awfully brazen for a woman who just warned me about the presence of a two year old."

"My hands are under the covers," she replied saucily.

"So, under the covers is okay, huh?" John grinned as one hand moved under _her_ waistband and the other moved under her camisole.

Teyla's breathing became shallow. "Maybe that is not the best idea."

"What? It's okay for you to do it but not me," John taunted gently.

Teyla let out a shaky breath as John's hands continued their torment.

"You do not seem quite so affected by it."

John's hands stilled and pulled her hips in snugly to his. "You don't think so, huh?"

Then Teyla felt that he was indeed very affected, which only flamed her desires higher. When Teyla's eyes got wider, John chuckled and his lips finally settled on hers.

They tasted and teased and were ready to conquer when he heard a tiny voice say, "You lite tissin' Mama?"

Teyla and John both froze and their hands quickly removed themselves from inside the other's clothing. John looked sheepishly over at T.J. who was still sitting at the end of the bed but now was facing them.

"Is it okay if I like kissing your Mom?" John asked and knew he'd be in trouble if the kid said no.

Torren seemed thoughtful for a moment then shrugged. "I lite tissin' Mama, too."

Teyla's breathing was still too fast but she reached out toward her son. "And I love it when you do."

Torren seemed satisfied and turned back around again to view the program. John knew he needed to remove himself from the temptation that was Teyla so he threw back the sheets and slid out of bed.

"I think I'll go for my run now if you don't mind. I'm not sure exactly what Dave and Julia have in mind for today."

He moved over to the dresser and quickly changed onto a pair of shorts. He sat on Teyla's side of the bed to put on his shoes and socks.

As he finished tying his second sneaker, T.J. looked at Teyla and asked, "Mama, you mate me pantates?"

Teyla hesitated briefly but replied, "I … uh … believe I might be capable of doing that."

John looked both worried and doubtful. "Why don't you wait until I get back?" he suggested. "I'll try and do just a quick run today."

Teyla's eyes narrowed at the implication. "You apparently do not like kissing me as much as you claim, John Sheppard."

John bent down to where Teyla was still lying in the bed and said, "I like kissing you quite a bit," and he proceeded to show her.

When he was done he added, "I just don't need T.J. sick for the rest of the day."

His response was a pillow to the head and a snort from Teyla.

He pulled Teyla into his arms and placated, "I'm just kidding, you know that."

He kissed her again briefly but passionately. "But I will make T.J. pancakes when I get back if you want to just stay in bed for a while. It's still pretty early and I know you were tired yesterday."

Teyla gave John a kiss as well and conceded, "It _would_ be nice to rest a bit longer. And truthfully, I am not quite certain exactly _how_ to make pancakes."

As John got up he closed his eyes and shook his head laughing. Then he ruffled Torren's hair and promised, "I'll be back from my run soon and _I'll _make you some pancakes, okay?"

Torren looked up only long enough from his show to respond, "Otay."

John gave Teyla one last simmering look and disappeared out the door.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox

.

"No, T.J., don't touch anything," John warned the young child. "We're only here for a few minutes to pick up the rings."

He lifted the boy into his arms as they walked through the elegant jewelry store. John had volunteered to run a few errands for Dave while he got a haircut and did a few things to pamper and get himself ready for the wedding. John had just laughed and called him a girl but said he and T.J. would pick up the tuxedos and the rings anyway.

The tuxes were hanging in the car and John was making his way between the glass cases to the customer service area. He though it was amazing how quickly people wanted to help him once they realized he was there for the Sheppard/Gianni rings.

Of course, then a few clerks remembered him from the news broadcast and felt the need to fawn even more. John had hoped all that would have blown over by now. And much of it _had_ quieted down since the program almost six weeks ago.

There had been plenty of notoriety then and more than a few protests, riots and media discussion. But Prince William had just gotten engaged, Angelina and Brad were having problems and Lindsay Lohan had gotten arrested again, so the limelight around John and Atlantis had faded just a little.

While he was waiting for the rings to be packaged up all neat and tidy, John's gaze roamed the glass cases surrounding him. One case in particular caught his eye and he moved closer to study the items inside. He put T.J. on the floor but kept a tight hold of his hand as he looked at a variety of necklaces showcased in front of him.

He'd been thinking of getting something nice for Teyla but he wasn't sure what. She didn't really wear earrings, a ring was still a bit premature in this stage of their relationship and he wasn't sure she would wear a bracelet. But he'd seen her wear a necklace; had in fact placed one on her the first day they'd met.

He walked down the aisle checking out the merchandise. There were some that were encrusted with tons of jewels, some with huge beads and others with simple pearls or diamonds. But none of them hit him as quite right for Teyla. Until he got to the end.

The chain was a delicate gold and simply held the outline of two hearts. What John loved about it was the hearts were intertwined with each other. He really liked the symbolism of his heart being linked to Teyla's. It wasn't anything fancy although the top point of each heart held a small diamond.

"What do you think about that one for Mommy?"

John pointed and held Torren so he could see. The child shook his head and tried to touch the glass. John hitched him up higher then glanced up and down the rows of jewelry.

The manager himself strolled over with Dave's package in hand to personally deliver it.

"Colonel Sheppard, I checked the workmanship myself and I can guarantee the rings are exactly as ordered."

John thanked the man as he took the bag and bent slightly to take another look at the heart necklace.

A gleam came into the manager's eye as he asked, "Is there anything I can help _you _with today? Something for the boy's mother?"

John looked up and nodded, "Yeah, I like that necklace with the two hearts."

The manager offered to give John a closer look and within seconds had the cabinet unlocked and the item displayed on the counter. While John fingered it, the man rattled off the cut, clarity and size of the diamonds. He started to talk about value and price when John cut him off.

"It doesn't matter. I'll take it."

John saw the pleasure in the manager's eyes. Apparently he liked customers who didn't care how much something cost. For a second John felt like his father and Dave, and wasn't sure he liked that. But the bottom line was that Teyla was worth it. And since it wasn't a hugely elaborate piece of jewelry he doubted the price was exorbitant.

John lowered T.J. to the floor again, pulled out his wallet and started counting out large bills. The manager seemed surprised that John wasn't using a charge card but he usually tried to use cash for everything while on Earth. It was sort of hard to pay a credit card bill from another galaxy.

After stowing the purchases in the car, John bought T.J. an ice cream and they strolled through the park while they ate it. He figured they had time to waste since Julia had taken Teyla, along with the rest of her wedding party, to get manicures, pedicures, facials and who knew what else.

John wondered if he would even be allowed at the wedding if all he did was take a shower. But he was the best man so he was probably safe.

He thought back to a week ago when they'd had Dave's bachelor party. John had enlisted the help of Dave's other friends who were also in the wedding. John had flown about a dozen of them to Boston and went to a bar Dave and his buddies had frequented while at Harvard.

It had been fun and surprisingly John hadn't found Dave's friends to be as stuffy as he thought they'd be. They had all crashed at the Beacon Hill apartment that Dad had left Dave and had flown back in the morning. Dave had been thrilled and John had gotten a closer look into his brother's life, the one outside the office.

Looking at T.J. now, John chuckled. The boy was walking right into the flock of ducks, intrigued by this new creature. He'd seen pictures and had sung about them being on Old MacDonald's farm but he'd never seen them in real life.

They just mulled about him, paying no attention, until one duck, seeing the last bite of T.J.'s ice cream cone, decided he wanted it. The duck snapped at Torren's hand startling him and making him drop the cone.

T.J.'s face screwed up and John knew a huge scream was coming out. He'd seen that face too many times not to know the end result. He pushed to his feet and sprinted in the boy's direction. He wasn't sure if the duck had really hurt him or just frightened him.

It took less than five seconds to reach him but when he did Torren was in full screech mode with tears running down his face. A young woman who'd been standing nearby tried to comfort him.

When she saw John hustling over she soothed, "Here's your Daddy now."

T.J. lifted his arms and sobbed, "Daddy!"

That almost stopped John in his tracks. That was the first time he'd heard T.J. call him that without referring to some storybook characters.

John scooped the child into his arms and muttered a thank you in the woman's direction. T.J. immediately wrapped his arms around John's neck. John held him tight and rubbed his back while whispering assurances to him. When Torren calmed slightly, John pulled back to look at the boy's hand. As he suspected, there wasn't even a mark.

T.J.'s bottom lip trembled again and he pouted, "Dut bit me!"

"He did, huh?" John responded and pulled T.J.'s hand closer.

"You must taste really good," he teased and gently put his mouth on the child's hand to pretend to nibble. He moved his mouth up T.J.'s arm and onto his neck.

Once the boy was giggling, John said, "Yup, you taste _really_ good!"

The woman who had helped T.J. before, reappeared and asked, "He's okay, isn't he?"

John looked down and saw she now had a little girl of about five next to her.

"He's fine. Thank you for your help. He was surprised, that's all. He's not used to ducks."

"You're not from around here?" The woman asked as John put T.J. back on the ground. He noticed the little girl moved right over and started talking to him.

"I grew up around here but I've been stationed out of the country for the past six years. This is only T.J.'s second visit here."

"Military?" she asked and John nodded.

"My brother's getting married tomorrow. The ladies are all out getting fancied up." John made a face.

"T.J. and I are just wasting time until they all come back."

He looked at the boy again and saw that the young girl was holding T.J.'s hand and showing him the correct way to feed bread to the ducks. The woman's eyes followed his and she smiled at the scene.

"Your brother's actually daring to compete with the big Sheppard/Gianni wedding. It's the talk of the town. It's supposed to be quite an event."

John looked chagrined as he admitted, "My brother _is_ Dave Sheppard."

John saw the woman's eyes immediately change. They were still pleasant but they were now a bit guarded, like she needed to watch what she was saying to him. John sighed. He didn't want people to feel that way around him. The woman's mouth opened like she'd just remembered something and her finger pointed toward John.

"You're the one from the news program. The one who's been living in another _galaxy _for six years."

John gave a wry smile and lifted his eyebrow slightly_. Here it comes. Either gushing over him and a million questions or she grabs the kid and runs away like he's got some sort of a disease._ John saw her look at her daughter with T.J., wondering when she would realize the boy was not from this planet. Torren had been prominent enough in the news show for anyone to remember.

But the woman did neither. She simply smiled widely and said, "Sorry, you're probably tired of people mentioning it, huh? Making you stand out? I remember the people on the show saying you were a really private person and didn't like to be the center of attention."

She started to chuckle. "And here I am still talking about it. Sorry, I'll shut up now."

John chuckled himself and said, "Don't worry about it. And thanks for understanding."

They stood quietly watching the kids interact for a while then John asked her a few questions; his attempt at small talk. He knew he wasn't very good at it but she took the reins and started chatting away.

Her daughter's name was Maggie and her husband actually worked at PSI. He was just a peon though so no, they wouldn't be at the wedding. John thought it was too bad since he'd rather have a bunch of average, hard working people like her than most of the stuck up snobs he was expecting.

After a while the bread ran out and the kids got bored with the ducks so they wandered back. Torren immediately held his arms up to John who happily scooped him up.

"How's that finger, Pal? All better?"

The boy looked at his finger thoughtfully. "Mama tiss it?"

"Sure," John grinned. "I think Mommy can kiss it."

T.J.'s eyes twinkled as his hands framed John's face. "An you tiss Mama. You lite a tiss Mama."

John closed his eyes and shook his head as he laughed.

The woman next to him was also laughing. "Can't keep any secrets," she said, "not once you have kids."

"Or at least once they start talking," John added.

The woman nodded. "But that's a nice secret. I think children _should_ see their parents showing affection to each other."

John couldn't agree more but then thought of this morning when T.J. almost caught them showing each other _too_ _much_ affection. His face flushed at that memory and he addressed T.J. who'd put his head on John's shoulder.

"I think it's just about nap time for you, Pal."

T.J. waved goodbye to his new friend and by the time they'd got home he'd drifted off to sleep. He woke only briefly when John moved him from the car seat to his bed. But a few strokes of John's hand on his back had the child out cold again.

John almost felt like he could take a nap, too, but was glad that he'd managed to ease out of that habit. As his muscle strength had slowly returned, so had his stamina. Good thing; he wasn't sure Woolsey would be thrilled if he had to stop working each day for an afternoon siesta. The men might get a hoot out of it, though.

He heard movement in the other part of the house and moved to investigate. It was Julia and Teyla, loaded down with bags.

John took a few and scolded Teyla, "We'll need a jumper to bring all this stuff back to Atlantis."

She sent him a glare and Julia just chuckled as she headed up the stairs with hers.

"It is not that much. It will fit in my bag; I promise," Teyla returned. "Where is Torren?"

"Napping," John told her as they approached her room. "Why don't you put that stuff in my room for now so you don't wake him up? He's been out for about a half hour."

They moved into John's room and Teyla began taking things out of the bags so they wouldn't get wrinkled and laying them on the bed.

She turned when she heard the door close. John was moving toward her with a huge grin on his face.

"Your look is very predatory, John." Teyla's eyes twinkled. "What is on your mind?"

"You!" John replied as he scooped Teyla in his arms, kneeled on the bed and placed her in the middle. He crawled the few feet until his body was hovering over hers.

"I thought maybe we could pick up where we were when T.J. interrupted us this morning."

He lowered himself and captured her mouth with his. Teyla's hands moved to thread themselves in John's hair and hold him close against her. There was no shyness or reluctance this time; simply passion long denied.

Their mouths and tongues fought for dominance as their hearts sped up and their breathing deepened. John's lips moved to Teyla's cheek then nibbled on her ear.

Her breath was ragged as she asked, "Do we have time …?"

She felt the soft chuckle tickle her ear. "Not for what I have in mind, sweetheart. But I figured we could do a little warm up for tonight after T.J. is asleep."

"Tonight?" Teyla repeated. "John, I …"

Her voice trailed off in a gasp as John's lips sucked on a very sensitive spot on her neck. Her head arched back allowing him better access and her hands moved to pull his T-shirt up.

John eased back only long enough for him to pull it over his head and toss it aside. His lips made an immediate return to her neck as Teyla's hands moved to caress John's back and sides.

John's mouth migrated south and stopped when he got to the edge of her shirt. He smiled when he realized Teyla's sleeveless top only had three buttons that were situated right between her breasts. How had he not noticed that before? Her top opened to expose her amazingly taut abs. But he supposed when she was standing it wouldn't be so noticeable.

"Nice shirt!" John grinned as his hands deftly unbuttoned all three and pushed the fabric aside.

His arms wrapped around Teyla to pull her up so he could slide the top off her shoulders but Teyla had other plans.

She knelt in front of John allowing the fabric to fall off her shoulders then moved her hands to caress his chest.

"Last time you said was for me," Teyla reminded him. "Perhaps this time should be for you."

John actually groaned out loud. His hands moved to encircle her waist then slowly slid up higher.

"Having you here like this is definitely for me."

His hands finally reached their final destination and Teyla's indrawn breath and little panting moans made John realize that maybe it _was_ also for her.

Teyla attempted John's name again but he pulled her closer and drew one tantalizing peak into his mouth. Her soft little gasps caused his jeans to tighten uncomfortably so he leaned back slightly.

Teyla continued the momentum until _he_ was lying on the bed and her mouth descended to his. Lips, tongues, hands, moved, caressed and explored.

After Teyla had caressed and kissed her way down John's chest and stomach, she fingered his belt and said, "Is this the part where we make this time for you?"

Her hand undid the belt, the button and started working on the zipper while John's intense gaze raked over her form and his hands lingered on her curves.

Suddenly Teyla stiffened and looked panicked. "Torren is awake! He wonders where we are."

They both almost rolled off the bed, diving for their shirts, knowing the child could be coming in any second. John heard a voice outside the door so he pulled his shirt over his head and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind him.

As John got his arms in and pulled the shirt down, he noticed T.J. sitting with Dave and Julia in the den. Dave was just reaching for and talking to the boy. John slid to a stop when he realized they were there.

Dave's mouth twisted into a sly grin as he coyly asked, "So, John, what were you doing in there?"

John's eyes narrowed as he tried to slow his still rapid breathing. Teyla appeared behind him straightening her blouse.

She must have heard the question because she stammered, "We were … uh … _**I **_was showing my … purchases to John."

Dave's gaze lowered to the front of John's pants and asked, "And what were _you_ showing _her,_ little brother?"

John looked down and suddenly realized his pants were still unbuttoned. He self-consciously reached down, buttoned and rebelted his pants and raised the zipper from its half mast position.

"That was a short nap, Pal." John said to Torren but when he looked at his watch he realized the boy had slept for an hour and he and Teyla had been _occupied_ for half of that time.

"Too short for _some _things apparently," Julia quipped.

Teyla flushed and John's neck turned red.

"How long is this rehearsal gonna take tonight?" John attempted to change the subject.

"The rehearsal is at six and we have reservations for dinner at seven-thirty for the wedding party. You and Dave should be home no later than nine-thirty or ten."

"Dave and I _and _Teyla," John corrected, knowing Julia was staying at her place for the night.

"Teyla's staying with me tonight," Julia informed him. "I've got several hairdressers coming tomorrow morning to do the whole wedding party. And since my place is forty minutes from here and Teyla can't drive, I figured it was easier for her to stay with me tonight. Didn't she tell you?"

John looked directly at Teyla and said, "No, she didn't."

"I tried to," Teyla defended.

"When?"

Teyla looked in the direction of John's room. "You kept distracting me," she responded her face flushing again.

Oh," John replied with a sheepish grin on his face.

Dave was feeling puckish so he asked, "What were you doing to distract her, John?"

John just glared at him as he plucked Torren out of Dave's lap and said, "You want to go kick the ball around outside, Pal? I could use some fresh air."

Torren clapped happily and Teyla added, "I will join you both as soon as I have my things ready for tomorrow."

As John and T.J. moved outside, Julia asked, "Is he okay?"

"He just needs a cold shower," Dave interjected.

Teyla looked frustrated. "He is not the only one."

.

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xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxooxox

.


	20. Chapter 20

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxooxox

.

"What's so intriguing out there?" David asked as he moved up behind Julia who was standing in front of the kitchen sliding door.

"Just watching John, Teyla and T.J.," she replied with a wistful note in her voice. "Look how much fun they're having."

David followed her gaze and saw the three of them outside kicking the ball around on the lawn. T.J.'s happy squeals floated up to the house and were joined by John's deep laughter and Teyla's sweet chuckles.

T.J. was kicking the ball in every direction and the two adults were trying valiantly to keep up with him. David smiled when he watched the little family unit softly collide and tumble to the ground, clearly enjoying themselves.

He heard a sniff from in front of him and turned Julia around. Her eyes were damp and tears trailed a path down her cheeks.

"What's wrong?" he asked panicked.

Julia ran her hand over her cheeks. "I'm going to miss them so much. I've gotten used to John just always being around."

David gave her a sympathetic smile. "I know what you mean. I've been thinking along those lines myself lately. But I think it will be better now than it was before. John and I have connected again. And I know you've connected with Teyla as well as John. We'll make sure we keep in touch through e-mail, even though I know it could be a while before we actually see them again in person."

A few mores tears rolled down Julia's face and David groaned. "You know I can't stand it when you're upset. Just think about the benefits of not having John underfoot all the time. We can run around the house naked any time we want."

Julia shot her fiancée an incredulous look. "You know I'm going to hold you to that. Maybe we could even start now." She started unbuttoning the top buttons of his shirt. "One last time before we're an old married couple."

Julia finished David's buttons and took one last look at the small group still happily engaged outside. She gripped the hem of her top and pulled it over her head. As the shirt fluttered to the ground, she slid the zipper down on her skirt, slowly stepping out of it. She moved through the kitchen toward the stairs, wisps of clothing trailing behind her.

David took a deep breath gathering up her garments as he followed closely behind. One thing he knew for sure, life with this woman would never be dull.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxxo xoxoxoxoxxo

.

"You know you don't have to go tonight," John told Teyla as he walked into her room as she finished up dressing for the evening. She was wearing the pretty peach dress she'd worn at Easter.

"You do not wish me to accompany you?" Teyla asked confused.

"No, no, I meant to Julia's." John clarified. "I _definitely_ want you at the rehearsal and dinner. Dave and Julia will be occupied with each other and the wedding plans and I don't really know the others all that well. I need someone to occupy _me_. You can do that, right?"

Teyla turned around in front of John and said, "You could occupy your time right now with zipping up my dress. I think it has caught on something at the bottom."

John reached down and fiddled with the zipper and pulled out the little piece of fabric that had gotten caught. But he didn't pull it all the way up right away. He allowed his fingers to stroke the silky skin of Teyla's back first.

Teyla almost purred and John knew he shouldn't tease himself with these sensations, especially since she wouldn't be sharing his bed tonight. He brought up that subject again.

"So you want to just blow off Julia and stay here tonight? You really don't need some fancy hairdo. You're gorgeous however you have it."

With her zipper up, Teyla turned around to face John. "Thank you, John. I am glad that my appearance pleases you. And I, too, would prefer to stay here with your arms holding me all night. But I fear Julia would be upset and tomorrow is a special day for her. And it will give you one last night with David. You may not see him for quite a while. You should speak and let him know how much your time here has meant to you."

John reluctantly nodded. "Yeah, I guess you're right. But maybe you could give me a little something to help me get through tonight without you."

Teyla's eyes sparkled. "I think I could possibly manage _something._"

Her arms reached up around his neck and her lips pressed to his. John pulled her closer and returned the pressure. He was right in not kissing her during her first visit here. She was addicting and he would never have been able to concentrate on getting better. He would have spent all day dreaming and remembering.

But now he remembered why he'd really come in here. He freed himself from her arms and picked up the square case he'd put down on the dresser when he'd first come in.

"I really like this dress but, you know, I think it needs a little something to finish it off."

He handed the velvet box to a puzzled and astonished Teyla. She flipped up the cover and her eyes grew wide then a little misty.

"John, it is absolutely beautiful! But there was no reason for you to get me a gift, especially one as exquisite as this. I did not bring anything for you."

"Sure you did. You brought me T.J. and yourself. That's better than anything I could have ever wanted or asked for. Besides," he added as he pulled the necklace out of the case and held it up to her neck, "even though we don't plan on blatantly advertising our relationship, I still want you to remember, every day, that _your_ heart is connected to_ mine_. I don't want you to ever forget that."

He moved Teyla so she was facing the mirror and he attached the clasp behind her neck. His arms went around her waist as she admired the piece of jewelry she now wore.

"Thank you, John. I will cherish it always; as I cherish you and your heart that you have given to me."

One side of John's mouth lifted up. "You've had it for a while, Teyla. You just didn't know it."

Teyla turned in his arms and lifted her hand to his face. "I am not sure that you were aware, either, that you had given it away."

John grinned. "Yeah, I've always been a little stupid in that department. You'll just have to help me out if I make any mistakes, okay?"

"I will be happy to. And I believe the first thing I will point out is that you have not kissed me nearly enough today."

John pulled her closer. "Always happy to fix that one."

His lips descended to hers in a way that was becoming increasingly familiar. A familiarity he would never get tired of.

"Tissin', tissin', tissin!" came a giggling voice from the doorway but by the time John and Teyla broke their embrace the owner of the voice had disappeared.

John grinned and moved toward the door, his arm still wrapped around Teyla's shoulder and his mouth near her ear whispering, "He better get used to us doing this since I have no intention of stopping once we're back."

His lips took another tiny nibble on her neck as they moved into the den. Teyla giggled from the ticklish feeling then halted abruptly.

Helen was sitting on the couch, a smirk on her face.

"Helen," John greeted, "Hi, I didn't realize you had already gotten here."

"Your brother let me in," she said as she pulled Torren into her lap for a snuggle. "This little guy's been showing me some of his toys and books."

When John, Teyla and T.J. had stopped at the rehab to share his good news of passing the Air Force standards, they had chatted about their plans for the week. Helen had offered to watch T.J. while John and Teyla attended the rehearsal so they wouldn't have to keep the boy up so late. John didn't really know or trust anyone else enough to actually stay with him.

"Okay, Pal," John instructed, "make sure you're a good boy for Helen. Mommy will be staying at Auntie Julia's tonight but I'll be back with Uncle Dave a little later. You'll probably already be asleep."

"He has pajamas in his room on the bed as well as a quilt and stuffed animal that he likes to sleep with," Teyla provided. "And he will make you read stories to him all night if you allow it."

"He's used to being with a variety of people on the base so hopefully he'll be fine but I think he's still kind of nervous that I won't come back. My cell, Dave and Julia's and the phone of the restaurant are on that pad of paper on the table."

"I'm sure we'll be fine. I raised a few children of my own. And this little guy is about the same age as my grandson. Don't worry about a thing, just enjoy yourself."

Dave and Julia entered the room and asked, "Are you two ready to go?"

John picked up Torren and gave him a big hug and kiss and replied, "Yep, all ready." He looked at the boy and reminded, "I'll be back in a little while, I promise."

He handed Torren over to Teyla who also embraced him with the reminder she would see him in the morning. She placed him next to Helen on the couch and moved to the door with the others.

"Say goodbye to Mommy and Daddy and tell them you'll be a good boy," coached Helen.

T.J. bounced up and down on the cushions and called, "Bye Mama, Bye Daddy! I be dood boy. I luh you!"

John wrapped his arm around Teyla's shoulder and responded, "We love you, too!"

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox

.

The rehearsal went smoothly with only a few things to iron out. The dinner was nice although the restaurant was a little too fancy for John. It reminded him of some of the places his parents would take them to when they were kids. And they'd be expected to behave and act like little adults. Although his Mom was usually somewhat understanding when John would start shooting small bits of paper across the room with his straw.

John pulled a tiny piece of his napkin off and started to wad it up really small. He actually considered flicking it in Dave's direction for a second but Teyla put her hand on top of his, stopping the action.

"You are not seriously considering doing what I think with that paper, are you?" Teyla accused.

John tried for the innocent look but Teyla had always been too adept at reading him. "I guess not. I'm just a bit bored."

He looked at the other members of the wedding party and their spouses or partners and saw that they were all engaged in conversations with each other, much of it what he considered the Country Club chat. He had never been any good at that.

"You got something to keep me occupied?" he challenged Teyla.

She moved her hand to his knee under the tablecloth and began caressing his leg. "Will this distract you enough so you are not bored?"

Her hand moved further up his leg and his eyes grew wide. "Definitely distracting. Not boring at all."

His hand snaked under the table and found _her _leg. It moved to her knee then slid under the hem of her dress then moved back up feeling the silky skin of her leg on its journey.

"Don't want _you_ getting bored, either," John told her.

"With you near me I do not think that is possible."

They continued to caress each other under the table while carrying on a trivial conversation. Hopefully anyone else nearby would not realize what was happening under covers but John knew he definitely wasn't bored.

He did take a break long enough to call home and check on T.J. Helen assured him the child was fine but put T.J. on the phone to reassure him.

"We having fun, Daddy! But you tum home, soon, wight?"

John could hear the anxiety in T.J.'s voice and made it a point to reassure him.

"We're just finishing eating and will head back in a little while. But it's already past your bed time so why don't you get your jammies on and let Helen put you in bed, okay?"

The apprehension in his voice came through again. "I seep with you, Daddy? Pease?"

The request was softly spoken but it tugged strongly at John's heart. "Okay, for tonight you can stay in my room but you can't tell Mommy because she won't be happy, you understand?"

"Otay," he answered then Helen came back on.

"I told him he could sleep with me tonight. Teyla will be ticked if she finds out," John reported as he looked toward where Teyla was chatting with several of the bridesmaids across the room. Then he chuckled, "But she's deserting me and I think T.J. still has some fears from all the time I wasn't there. It's fine if you can't get him down. I should be back within the hour."

"Will do, Colonel," Helen assured him. "Don't worry about him. He's been fine. Asking about you a lot but still fine. Enjoy yourself and take your time."

"Thanks, Helen. I really appreciate your doing this. I wouldn't have trusted too many people to watch him."

John hung up and walked back to the table. Teyla looked up and inquired, "All is well with Torren?"

"He's still awake but Helen says he's fine. I talked to him myself and told him to go to sleep. I'm not sure he's gonna listen to me, though."

"He is still unsure of your presence in his life. It has been far too long since he last saw you. Once you return home with us, he will begin to feel confident again."

Teyla gave a half smile. "I am surprised he did not ask to sleep with you tonight."

John looked away, picked up his wineglass and drained the last of it. His eyes continued to roam the room until Teyla glared at him.

"He did ask and you said yes," Teyla guessed. At John's guilty face Teyla sighed.

"John, we cannot get into the habit of allowing him to sleep in our bed."

John liked those words, '_our bed'_ and he grinned. "Last night, I promise. Besides, it's not like _you're_ going to be there to keep me warm."

Teyla's eyes were still narrow but she conceded, "I understand. And I am sorry I will not be there with you tonight."

Her hand touched his face. "Hopefully tonight will be the last night we are required to stay apart."

"I hope so, too," John moved closer and touched his lips to hers.

Dave and Julia walked over saying the bill was all set and it was time to leave.

Outside around the cars, John walked Teyla to Julia's and pulled her in for an embrace. His hand slipped into her hair and he kissed her thoroughly, wishing she wasn't leaving him for the night.

Dave had given Julia a brief kiss and then grabbed John by the arm. "Okay, time for that later."

John had just pouted but given Teyla a wave and got in Dave's SUV. The ride home was short and Dave was quiet. John wondered if he was nervous and decided to ask.

"Not really," Dave answered. "I just hope everything goes off without a hitch for Julia's sake. She's worked so hard on these plans for so long, I know she'd be disappointed if something happened."

"I don't know," John replied. "I think she really loves you and as long as the end result is being married to you, she'll be fine with it."

"Thanks, John, I appreciate the sentiment. That's kind of how I feel, too."

T.J. was asleep but was still on the couch. Helen figured John could move him to whatever location he desired when he got home. John thanked her profusely for all her help and saw her to the door.

He moved back to the den and carried T.J. into his room. No sense putting him in the other room when he'd probably wake up in the middle of the night and come looking for John anyway. Better to already be at the source. And John hated to admit but it was rather nice having the child snuggled against him. He chuckled. But if he had to choose he thought Teyla would definitely come in first.

After pulling the covers up over the slumbering child, John stood in the doorway just staring at him. He wasn't sure how long he stood there but he only came out of his trance when Dave stood by him.

"I noticed he called you Daddy a few times tonight," Dave commented. "How's that feel?"

John looked at his brother with a huge grin on his face. "Absolutely amazing. I wonder if Dad ever had that feeling with us?"

"I'm sure he did at some point. But maybe it's something you get used to and take for granted. He did love us, I know that. He just had a hard time showing us."

John stood looking into the room and memories floated through his mind. "Occasionally he did show us."

John ran his hand through his hair and gave a deep sigh. "I remember a few weeks after Mom died, I came in here. I don't know why, maybe to feel closer to her, I'm not sure. I just remember that I missed her so much I thought I'd never get over losing her. I sat down on the floor near the dresser."

John pointed his hand to the wall closest to him. "I was pretty messed up, really upset but I didn't want Dad to see me so I hid in the corner behind it. Dad came in after I'd been in here for a while. I don't know if he was looking for me or just needed to remember her, too. But he realized I was here and said my name. I stood up and tried to wipe the tears away figuring he'd be pissed that I was being so emotional."

John took a deep breath and Dave heard an audible swallow. "But you know, he wasn't upset. When I got near him he just said 'You miss her, huh?' I couldn't even talk so I just nodded and the damned tears came back. I couldn't stop them no matter how much I tried. Instead of getting mad, Dad just pulled me in for a hug and held me for quite a while. I just remember holding onto him like he was gonna go away, too. And as much as we'd had our differences, I knew I didn't want that."

John looked up at Dave and realized his vision was slightly blurry right now, too. He cleared his throat and finished. "You know when we finally pulled apart, Dad had tears in his eyes, also. He blinked them away pretty quick but told me that he really missed her as well and there was nothing wrong with that. I felt really connected to him at that point."

John looked down at his hands. "It didn't last long. I think a few weeks later I probably did something stupid and he was back riding my ass about it."

John just shook his head and gave a dry laugh. Dave put his hand on John's shoulder and said, "Thanks for telling me that. It's a nice memory."

He took a step back and said, "How about I buy you a beer?" He moved his thumb in the direction of the kitchen and continued, "It's my last night as a bachelor."

John took one last look at T.J. sleeping soundly in his bed and followed Dave. "Then how about _**I **_buy _you_ a beer?"

John moved to the fridge, pulled out two bottles and sat opposite Dave at the kitchen table. He opened the tops and handed one to his brother.

"Here's to your last night of freedom," John toasted and they both took a swig.

Dave lowered the bottle and claimed, "Freedom is highly overrated. I'll take being chained to Julia any day over being miserable by myself."

"That's because she's an incredible woman. You're extremely lucky to have found her."

Dave nodded. "I know. It took a while but I did finally find the right one."

He looked closer at John and asked, "Do you feel the same way about Teyla?"

John smiled but it was a bit introspective. "I'm amazed that we've gotten to where we are but still a bit cautious for so many reasons. The first being my failing track record with women. But I suppose we'll see when we actually get home to Atlantis."

Dave heard the warm tone of John's voice when he said 'home' and it hurt inside just a bit.

"You know this is your home, too, John."

"Thanks, Dave," John replied not wanting to hurt his brother. "And I appreciate your letting me share it for the past six months or so. But it's really where I grew up, not quite _home_."

He took another sip of his beer and tried to explain, "After Dad and I had our last battle, I guess I felt a bit isolated from the world. The Military was the only place I'd really belonged in a long time. But even that wasn't ideal, especially since I'm not exactly the '_following orders'_ type. When I found out about my Ancient gene and was told they needed me on the expedition, I was kind of torn. I didn't really want to go to some unknown place that I might never come back from, but honestly, I didn't feel there was anything here to hold on to. I figured if I did disappear from the face of the Earth, _literally_, no one would even notice."

He looked at Dave apologetically but found his brother looked more guilty than hurt.

He continued on, "When I stepped foot in Atlantis I was scared but excited and looking back now I realize that for the first time, I felt like I was where I was supposed to be. I wasn't the first one through the gate but when**_ I_** walked in and up the stairs, lights started coming on. Everywhere I stepped, lights that hadn't been on in thousands of years, came to life; like they were welcoming me back."

He looked at Dave again, wondering if his brother understood what he was trying to say.

"We were so busy the first year I never really had a chance to miss Earth. And it's not like I had a whole lot waiting for me here anyway. But when the chance came to return, I realized I would only do it if I could actually get _back_ to Atlantis. I'd come to think of the place as home. The people I worked with, the people I'd counted on and thought of as family were there. I was actually needed and wanted there. What I did made a difference_**. I**_ made a difference. And even with all the battles with the Wraith and other problems we've faced, I still think of it as home."

John looked back toward the den and thought of the little boy sleeping peacefully in his bed. "And now that Teyla and T.J. are a part of my life, I couldn't be anyplace else. They belong in the Pegasus Galaxy and I belong with them."

Dave was looking at John sadly. Mostly because he hated the fact that John had felt he had no one here on this whole planet that would have missed him. But the worst part of that was that John had actually been _off _the planet for quite a few years and Dave himself hadn't even realized. He felt ashamed and knew John had spoken the truth, in a way.

But Dave _had _thought of his brother, often. Not always in a good way, unfortunately. When Dad had started feeling guilty and regretful about the rift, Dave had been a bit jealous that Dad was focusing more on John than on him. What a stupid, arrogant way to feel. And he'd been resentful that John could just leave and do whatever the hell he wanted and still have Dad wanting to see him and thinking about him.

The shame grew stronger. But Dave had to remind himself too, that he'd also thought of John often and missed him. He'd missed the times they'd shared as kids. He wondered if John was okay, if he was injured, hurting, in need of help. He had honestly hoped John was happy in what he was doing. He'd wanted to fly for so long; Dave hoped John was enjoying the chance.

Maybe that was one of the reasons Dave had been so insistent about bringing John back here. He subconsciously wanted to make it up to John for all the negative thoughts, all the times he should have tried contacting him but hadn't and for making John feel like he didn't have anyone who cared if he disappeared off the face of the planet.

Dave looked at John and said, "I don't want you to leave, John."

He held up his hand when John looked like he was about to speak. "I know you want to, need to, have to, but I don't want you to. I hate to admit that I brought you here because I felt guilty and thought it was the least I could do. But during this time, I realized how much I missed you; and how much I really love you, John."

Dave took a deep breath, "You're my brother and I love you." He chuckled, "How's that for emotional stuff?"

There was no humor in John's eyes. They were dark and intense. He looked like he was trying to say something but nothing actually came out of his mouth. He took a few more deep breaths and finally spoke.

"I love you, too, Dave. And I appreciate everything you did for me while I was here, no matter what your original motivation was. I don't think I can ever repay you."

Dave nodded. "You already did. You gave me my brother back."

John did finally smile although it was somewhat melancholy. He moved his beer bottle to Dave's and tapped the top. "Cheers."

The brothers finished off the brew and lowered the bottles to the table.

John was the first to speak. "Well, all that emotional stuff just sucked the life out of me so I think I need to get to bed. And you've got a kind of important day tomorrow. You might want to be somewhat rested as well."

Dave just nodded and moved the bottles to the kitchen counter. The brothers stood staring at each other for a moment then John reached out at the same time as Dave and pulled each other in for an embrace. It was awkward at first but then turned into a sign of support and caring for each other. It didn't last long but they knew a connection had been made that wouldn't be severed by distance or time.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxox

.

"Don't worry, I've got the rings," John assured Dave for what seemed like the tenth time this morning. "I'm more likely to forget T.J. than these damn rings."

He looked down at the boy in question and finished tying his shoe. "Now remember, Pal, you've got to be really good while we're in church. No talking okay. I'll be standing up near Uncle Dave and you'll be sitting with Mommy."

"Where Mama?" Torren asked again and John felt a wave of déjà vu sweep over him between T.J. and Dave's constant questions.

"She's with Auntie Julia and we'll meet her at the church," John repeated as patiently as he could muster. "Now I need to finish getting myself ready so can you just sit here and read one of your books while I do that?"

John finished up his tie and checked again that the rings were in the pocket of his tuxedo. He made one last attempt at getting at least a few of the cowlicks to calm down but knew he was fighting a losing battle. He grabbed the bag he'd packed for T.J. and yelled up to Dave to move it.

Dave scurried down the stairs more than a little harried. He was lugging two very large suitcases with him. They were leaving for the honeymoon straight from the wedding and he was trying not to forget anything.

"Where's that list Julia gave me?" He called out to John.

"It's right here," John responded with the paper in his hand. "And we already crossed everything off the list except those two suitcases. So are we finally ready to go? Julia made me promise to get you to the church on time and threatened me with bodily harm if I didn't."

"Okay, I'm ready, I'm ready," Dave chanted. "I think."

"You are!" John insisted and took T.J.'s hand and settled him in the car seat.

John got Dave settled in the back room of the church and went off with Torren to see if Teyla and the women had arrived yet. He could hardly do his job as best man if T.J. was running around beside him.

The limousine was just pulling up and John waited until all the women had exited the vehicle and moved to the little room at the back of the church. He found Teyla by process of elimination. She was the only one not wearing a pink bridesmaids dress. Well Julia wasn't either but the bride stood out on her own merit.

John moved toward Teyla, admiring her loveliness. The dress was emerald green with gold beads and trim around the waist and a swirling pattern on the bottom. It had thin straps, a deep V neck and a very low back. John's breathing started becoming heavier when he thought of dancing with her in his arms and his hand sliding across the golden skin exposed there. Her lithe arms were bare and her upswept hair showcased her long elegant neck. His tongue peaked out to touch his lips at the thought of kissing that part of her.

When she saw John, she smiled and her eyes radiated her affection for him.

"Mama!" Torren called out and all eyes turned to him.

Julia looked relieved when she saw John. "You made it here, good. Everything's okay, right?"

John kissed Julia on the cheek and reassured her. "Dave's all settled in the back, everything is going right according to your well laid plans. And you look amazing by the way. One look at you and Dave may want to ravish you right there on the altar."

Julia's eyes twinkled, "And wrinkle my dress, I don't think so." She chuckled then thanked John for taking care of Dave this morning.

"My pleasure."

John turned toward Teyla and moved in close. "You look incredibly beautiful, too."

Teyla was about to answer him when he grinned and asked, "D'you do something different to your hair?"

As that was the whole reason for her not being in his bed last night, she just rolled her eyes at him.

"It's pretty but I have to admit I like how it looks when you just wake up in the morning."

A few of the bridesmaids oohed over that comment and a few were still doting on Torren. They'd gotten him a little suit, also, complete with bow tie and suspenders and he looked adorable.

The wedding planner came hustling in and told them they should start getting ready to go down the aisle as most of the guests were just about seated and the mother of the bride was currently being seated.

She looked at Teyla and said, "Oh, we don't really have time to have someone escort you down the aisle and then get back here. Can you just go down the side to your seat?"

Julia was about to object when John offered, "I'll escort them down. I need to get up to the front anyway. Make sure Dave hasn't fainted yet."

He offered his arm to Teyla and took Torren's hand in his other. He'd forgotten how long this aisle could be but he walked down proudly with his family on either side of him. When he got to the front pew that Teyla was sitting in, he leaned down and kissed her lips briefly before she moved in. Torren lifted his arms and made a small whine so John kissed him, too and gave him a stern, "Be good!" before he moved to stand beside Dave at the altar.

Dave looked at him apprehensively and John assured once again, "Yes, I have the rings." He then patted his pocket one more time just to be sure.

The ceremony was beautiful and both Julia and Dave glowed with happiness. John was glad. After their little talk last night, John needed to be sure Dave would be okay without him. He almost chuckled at that thought. Dave had been doing fine without him for quite a few years. But now John felt a little more connected to his brother and just needed to be sure.

John tried to get out of the receiving line after the ceremony but Dave just pulled him to stand next to him. This was _so _not John's thing but after a while he got a kick out of Dave introducing him to all the guests. Dave was proud of him and excited to have him there. It came across loud and clear in his voice and the way he said his name to everyone. It felt pretty good after so many years of being the outcast.

Teyla stood quietly behind the wedding party observing this custom, attempting to keep Torren corralled and under control. It was not an easy task. He had managed to stay quiet during the ceremony although he had attempted to get John's attention on more than one occasion. Teyla had shushed him and reminded him he needed to stay silent. A few times John had actually turned around and given her son a wink, letting the boy know he knew he was there.

Teyla looked down now and realized Torren was no longer near her. She looked up and sure enough he was sidling up to John and wrapping his arms around John's leg. John was in the middle of greeting someone but at the touch on his leg he looked down. He reached down and scooped the boy into his arms and gave him a playful kiss. He continued speaking to the couple in front of him and Teyla saw them reach up and greet Torren as well.

John kept T.J. with him until all the guests had gone through and they made their way to the SUV that he was driving to the Country Club since Dave was riding in the limo with Julia.

"So how does that compare to an Athosian wedding?" John asked conversationally.

"It was quite lavish and extravagant," Teyla observed. "However the words of promise to love and cherish each other have the same meaning as those we speak during the Unity Ceremony of my people. The message that 'two shall live as one' is similar to our words that unite two people who wish to pledge their soul only to each other. Not all the couples of my people choose to make this commitment due to the possible danger we face from the Wraith. Although I sometimes wonder if many do not use it as an excuse to move on if they become bored or unsatisfied with one they have chosen to lie with."

John slid a sideways glance at Teyla. "I always wondered why you and Kanaan never made it official. Is that why? Because it's not typical for your people to enter into marriage or …unity?"

"Kanaan never brought up the subject of being united with me and I did not wish it either. I was committed to him because we had a child together but I knew there was only _one _whom I could pledge my soul to."

John maneuvered the vehicle into a parking space at the Country Club and put it in park. He looked up at Teyla expectantly and asked, "Is is too much to hope that the person is me?"

Teyla unbuckled her seatbelt and reached across to touch John's face. "Yes, you are the only one who has ever touched my soul. I felt it very early on in our relationship. I was hopeful you felt the same way. For very long I feared you did not."

John reached up and covered Teyla's hand. "I'm sorry, Teyla. I felt the connection right away, too, but I'm just too stupid to comprehend that I should have done something about it. It wasn't until after you told me you were pregnant that I even realized I'd completely blown my chance. And then it was too late."

He reached for Teyla's other hand. "You kept asking if I was mad at you for not telling me sooner about your pregnancy. I wasn't mad at _you_. I was mad at _myself_ for completely blowing any chance I had of being with you. Unfortunately you got the brunt of my anger and I'm really sorry about that. Will you forgive me?"

"I will always forgive you, John. I do not think you have it in you to intentionally cause me pain."

"Thanks, Teyla," John replied then his eyes grew mischievous. "Always forgive me, huh? So I can go out drinking with the boys and come home hammered and you'll still forgive me?"

Teyla threw him the 'don't push it' look and said, "We will discuss this further when we are back on Atlantis."

"Mama, Daddy, we doe in now?" came Torren's voice from the back seat.

John squeezed Teyla's hand and told him, "Yep, we're going in."

They spent the first half hour in the back gardens taking pictures of the wedding party and then the family. Julia insisted the photographer take a bunch of pictures of just John, Teyla and Torren, also. Torren was not one for sitting still but they managed to get a few, especially when Hannah, Julia's niece, stood next to the photographer and waved.

Torren and Hannah managed to entertain themselves running around the gardens while the rest of the pictures were being taken and they sat next to each other during the meal. Teyla unfortunately was unable to sit near John as he was at the head table. She found herself with the other 'in-laws'; Tessa's husband Paul and Joey's wife Veronica. Paul was very nice but spent much of his time trying to get Hannah to eat her meal.

Veronica on the other hand kept staring at Teyla and Torren like they had two heads. Every now and then she would ask some really bizarre question that Teyla was unsure how to answer. Teyla just smiled patiently; yes, she was human, yes, her blood was red like everyone else's, no, her people did not have advanced technology that could make them walk through walls, no, she had not been fed on by a Wraith but yes, she had seen one up close, no, the flowers in her hair were not hiding antenna.

The ordeal was interrupted when John stood up at the front of the room and clinked his glass with his fork. All eyes turned to him. Teyla knew he had to make a toast and that he was a bit nervous about it.

"So I guess I'm supposed to say something nice about the bride and groom. For Julia, that's easy but Dave, I've been wracking my brain for a while."

A chuckle rang through the room and Dave glared at him. "Okay, just kidding. Seriously, Dave and Julia are a great couple. I wasn't sure anyone would have the patience to put up with him and his over-organized, structured life but apparently Julia likes a challenge. She not only puts up with his workaholic ways but actually makes him stop and smell the roses from time to time. And she's the only person I know who can actually put him in his place, and make him think he wanted to be there to begin with."

A few more chuckles rang through the room and Dave actually had the grace to blush. "I've had the opportunity to see this couple real close up for the past six months. As some of you know I've been living with Dave for some time trying to recover from a pretty severe injury. I know it's not really what Julia signed up for; the future brother-in-law under foot while you're trying to be romantic with your fiancé. But I have to say thank you, to both of you from the bottom of my heart. I never heard a word of complaint while dealing with me. And I'm not a very cooperative invalid so I appreciate all the patience you had."

"Julia, you've become like a sister to me and I'm ecstatic that now you really are. Welcome to the family. I couldn't have asked for anyone nicer in our lives. And Dave, you picked out a winner. She's amazing and don't ever forget that. Hold on tight and don't let her go because if you do something stupid to lose her, I'll come back and beat the crap out of you."

"Okay, I've been talking for way too long now but I just wanted to let you know that I love you both. Be happy!"

Julia wiped away some of the moisture that had pooled in her eyes and gave John a big hug. Dave also stood and pulled John in for a quick embrace. The band started up and Dave and Julia were led over to cut the cake.

Veronica started up with her asinine questions again and Teyla felt her patience wearing thin until John came up behind her and kissed her cheek.

"I just have to do the first dance with the Maid of Honor, Tessa, then the rest of the dances are all yours."

Teyla held onto John's hand a bit longer as her eyes pleaded for him to be quick. Luckily the rest of the guests all stood around the wedding party as the bride and groom started their first dance. Teyla moved away from Veronica and toward Josie who'd been sitting at the next table over.

"Did you enjoy the wedding?" Josie asked then reached down and ruffled Torren's hair.

"Yes, it was lovely. I am very happy for David and Julia. But I am sorry I will not get to see them more during my visit here."

"But you'll be with John. I think that's even more important. He's missed the two of you quite a bit."

"As we have missed him," Teyla responded. "But we will have him back and my heart sings at the prospect."

Josie smiled at the beautiful imagery then noticed the necklace around Teyla's neck.

"Is this the heart that's singing? It's lovely."

Teyla smiled and touched the hearts. "John gave this to me yesterday. He says they symbolize _our _hearts and how they are connected to each other."

"Who knew he had that little romantic streak in him." Josie chuckled.

The dance ended and John headed in their direction. Josie touched Teyla's arm.

"I won't be in much this week but I'll make it a point to say goodbye before you go back."

Josie looked at John and ordered, "Take your woman out and dance with her. I'll keep an eye on this little guy."

John looked down at Torren who was holding hands with Hannah and spinning around slowly on the dance floor.

"Looks like _he_ took your advice, too. You're sure you don't mind?"

Josie just gave Teyla a little push in John's direction. John didn't need to be told twice. He threw a thanks in her direction and folded Teyla in his arms.

"I am not quite sure how your dances are done here on your planet." Teyla looked around at the other couples on the dance floor.

"You just hold onto me. That's all that's required."

John placed Teyla's left hand on his right shoulder, slid his right hand around Teyla's back and picked up her right hand in his left to hold it near his other shoulder. Then he began to sway to the music.

"Just follow my lead. I promise I won't do anything fancy."

John pulled her in closer and put his lips near her ear. "Dave was always the one who could do the fancy footwork. My parents made us take lessons so we'd look presentable at the Debutante Balls. But I just couldn't be bothered. But if I'd had someone like you to hold, maybe I would have paid more attention."

"I think you are doing just fine," Teyla complimented. "Certainly as well as most of the other couples out here."

"I don't really care about the other couples out here," John breathed heavily into her ear. His hand roamed over the soft, smooth skin of her back. "I just care about us."

His lips skimmed her cheek and moved toward her mouth teasing it with small little kisses.

Her eyes moved up to his. "Should we be doing this right here?" Teyla asked concerned.

John looked around. "The lights are low and the dance floor is crowded. And most people are looking at Dave and Julia anyway. I think it's okay to sneak a few kisses."

"If you say so," Teyla responded in a low throaty voice.

Her lips returned to John's and they continued the dance with their lips brushing against each other. John figured he should take every opportunity he could to hold Teyla. Once they were back on Atlantis their opportunities would be limited.

He stilled planned on being with her and eventually he hoped to be able to have their relationship out in the open but he knew they needed to keep things subtle at first. But even when everyone knew that they were together, he knew kissing Teyla out in the open wouldn't be wise. He and Teyla both needed to be absolutely professional at all times.

But no one from Atlantis was here now so he kept his lips nibbling softly on hers.

"The song's over John," Dave chuckled lightly from next to the couple still swaying to the rhythm of their own music.

John and Teyla reluctantly broke apart and Julia, tucked neatly in Dave's arm, chastised him.

"Leave them alone. I think it's sweet that they're so focused on each other they don't even realize the music stopped.

As she said this the band started another song; this one a bit faster. John swung Teyla round in a wide circle and instructed, "Just move to the beat."

Torren hopped over to them and started clapping along with the music. John grabbed his hand and swung him around as well.

They danced for a few more songs then John spotted his aunt and uncle across the room and said, "I promised my Uncle George and Aunt Mary they'd get to meet you and T.J. while you were here. He's my mother's brother and his two kids are here also."

John took her hand and lifted T.J. into his arms as they walked toward his relatives.

"They got the impression that we were married and I didn't have the heart to tell them otherwise, or that T.J.'s not actually mine. Is that gonna bother you if they don't know the real truth?"

Teyla squeezed his hand. "Those are just technicalities. They are just different words for family and I truly believe we _are_ family."

John pulled her in close to his side and kissed her cheek. "You're amazing Teyla, you know that?"

"Yes, I know," she replied cheekily.

The older couple saw them approach and big smiles grew on their faces.

"John, I was wondering when you were going to introduce us to your beautiful family," Aunt Mary commented.

"Sorry, Aunt Mary, we got carried away with a few dances."

"I'll say you got carried away," Uncle George flicked his eyes in the direction of the dance floor indicating they'd seen Teyla and John kissing.

"Now George," Mary scolded, "these poor kids have hardly seen each other in what … almost six months? I think a few chaste kisses on the dance floor are perfectly acceptable. Don't mind him. Now I'm Aunt Mary and you must be Teyla. David told us a bit about you and of course we saw the broadcast. George nearly blew a gasket when he realized where you'd been for the last six years, John."

Teyla shook both of their hands and replied, "It is an honor to be here. I am happy to finally meet some of John's Earth family. And this is Torren John." She indicated T.J. still in John's arm.

They both smiled approvingly and George said, "I gotta tell you, John, I was a bit surprised when I saw how good you were with kids on that news report. But I suppose none of us know what kind of a Dad we'll make until after it happens, eh?"

"No, sir," John answered. "Teyla seems to think it's because I still haven't grown up myself."

Teyla tried to paste an innocent expression on but failed miserably. "I never actually said that."

"But you were thinking it," John added and looked at T.J. who had started squirming in his arm.

"Daddy," T.J. whined and wiggled some more.

"I think someone needs to answer the call of nature." He looked at Teyla, "I'll be right back."

Mary assured him, "We'll take care of her, don't worry."

She steered Teyla to sit at their table right behind them and started asking some questions about life in Atlantis. Teyla told them nothing more than had already been shown on the TV but they didn't seem to realize.

Their children, Keith and Carol, and their spouses arrived back at the table and were introduced as well. They also had a million questions and Teyla tried her best to answer them. John returned with Torren and greeted his cousins as well. They began catching up on what had been going on in all their lives and Teyla just listened and smiled. John seemed relaxed with these people. He may not have seen them in many years but apparently the rift between he and his father had not extended to this part of the family.

Mary had been watching Teyla as _she_ watched John. "You love him very much, I can tell," she said softly so no one but Teyla could hear. The others were laughing loudly over some old memory and Mary was right next to her.

"Yes, I do," Teyla replied solemnly. "Very much. It has been quite difficult with him away for all these months. It has broken my heart to see Torren so sad without him. We communicated with videos and e-mails but it is not the same. John can calm Torren with just a touch and one cannot do that over a computer screen."

"No you can't," Mary agreed. "But he's holding him now. And it's wonderful to see a father showing so much love for his child."

Mary looked at John who was talking quietly into the boy's ear. The child settled in his lap and rested his head against John's chest.

She returned her gaze to Teyla. "What first attracted you to John? Was it the hair?" she joked.

Teyla laughed. "Not really, although it _was_ an interesting sight. He had on some night vision goggles and it was sticking up even more than usual. But I think it was the crooked smile and the mischievous twinkle in his eyes that had me intrigued from the beginning; though it was his bravery and dedication to his people that won my heart over for good. I could not find a more honorable man or a truer friend if I searched the rest of my days."

"I'm happy to hear that," Mary said. "Beth, his mother, always worried about him, more so than David. She knew David was happy to go along with whatever his father wanted him to do. But John was her free spirit. She was afraid that Patrick would try and clip his wings and keep him from soaring as high as he could go. She knew if he was given the right opportunity, he could reach unimaginable heights. She'd be thrilled to see that he has."

"I am quite sure _both_ his parents would be proud if they knew all he has accomplished," Teyla stated.

Mary agreed and they looked to where John had been sitting but his chair was now empty. Carol told them John had taken a walk since Torren appeared about to fall asleep.

Teyla said it was lovely meeting them all and excused herself to go find John. She moved throughout the ballroom but was unable to locate him amongst all the festive guests. After about fifteen minutes of looking she found Tessa, who motioned for her to follow.

"This is too cute, I had to get the photographer to take a picture." she told Teyla as they walked down a short hallway to a small sitting area.

There in a large wing chair was John. Both Torren and Hannah were in his lap, one on each leg, and they were asleep; all _three_ of them. John's head rested on the wing of the chair and the 2 and 3 year old rested against him.

Teyla beamed at the sight. She and Tessa moved a few feet away.

"Julia said she didn't think he'd slept very well lately because he was worried he wouldn't get reinstated to active duty. I guess maybe it caught up with him."

Teyla nodded. "Yes, it has been a very large concern of his for a while. Now that he has been given his command back and we are here with him, I am hopeful he will rest easier."

Tessa looked at the two children. "Those two sure hit it off. I was wondering if you'd like to get together some time before you leave so they can play. We could do the park or the lake or just stay at the house. I know Hannah would love it."

"I believe Torren would enjoy it as well. I will speak with John, when he is awake. I do not see why he would have a problem."

"Good, and hey, if Torren was interested and would stay, maybe we could even take him over night. Give you and John a chance to have some free time alone. That's not always easy with a little one."

Teyla sighed, "Yes, last night I was with Julia and our first night here, Torren insisted on sleeping with John. He has been a bit apprehensive since John's absence."

"I can see why. But it kind of puts a crimp in the romance, huh?"

Teyla just nodded and looked again at John and the children. Tessa encouraged her to come back to the ballroom and leave the 'kids' to sleep. Teyla followed her and spent the next half hour learning some of the dances the people of this planet do. She found she could do them well and was thoroughly enjoying herself.

She was gyrating to an incredibly fast song when she turned around and saw John standing on the edge of the dance floor, his eyes intent on her swaying body. She danced in his direction until she was standing right in front of him.

"I nod off for a few seconds and you become a Country Club party girl." John ribbed her.

"Tessa taught me some of your Earth dances. They are quite invigorating. I have enjoyed them. But where is Torren?"

John nodded to where Josie sat with T.J. and Hannah jumping around on the floor in front of her, trying to emulate the adults who were dancing.

Teyla pulled John onto the wooden floor with her and attempted to get him to move as the others did. However, he simply put his hands on her hips and moved slightly in the direction she was moving, his eyes never leaving her form.

A half dozen more fast songs were played and John did his best to keep up with Teyla. Every now and then T.J. hopped nearby with Hannah close behind. They seemed to be having fun. John hoped all the rigorous movement would make the boy sleep well tonight.

The fast music finally ended and a slow song started up. John pulled Teyla in closer and said, "Now this is more like it."

Teyla's arms wrapped around his neck and they moved their faces close. John's hands caressed the exposed skin of her back and her hands ran through the short hair at the back of his head. Their lips were but a breath away from each other's, teasing and taunting.

After a few more slow songs and holding Teyla this way, John's breath grew ragged and he growled softly, "God, do you know what I'd like to do with you right now?"

"I know what _**I **_would like to do but I am interested to hear what you are thinking."

John groaned then moved his lips closer to her ear. "I'd like to slowly remove this gorgeous dress and kiss every inch of your delectable body. And if I continue to tell you what else I have in mind, I'm gonna lose it right here on the dance floor. I'd have to drag you into a closet and ravish you right now and then all my plans would be down the tubes."

"Being ravished in a closet right now does not sound like a bad option," Teyla sighed deeply.

"I have better things planned for tonight," John promised. "But I think it's almost time for out little present for Dave and Julia. The guy from the band is giving me a nod."

"It is a good thing," Teyla observed, "Because if we continued to dance this way for much longer I fear I would have dragged you into that closet myself."

John leaned down and kissed the tip of her nose. "Keep those thoughts. Maybe we can try it later this week."

He took her hand and led her over to the small stage as the band leader announced that they had a little something special for the bride and groom. Dave and Julia were brought to stand in the middle of the dance floor. A microphone and two stools were put on the floor right in front of the raised platform.

John and Teyla walked over and John picked up his guitar that he'd tucked in with the other musical instruments. They sat on the stools and John put the guitar in his lap.

Dave and Julia looked curiously at them.

"Teyla and I figured you already had enough china and silverware, so we got you a little something different," John quipped. "You said it was your favorite song, Julia, so I hope we do it justice."

John started strumming the strings and Julia put her hand up to her mouth in surprise when she realized what song it was.

John's deep voice and Teyla's higher one rang through the hall.

"_You fill up my senses, like a night in a forest, like a mountain in springtime, like a walk in the rain, like a storm in a desert, like a sleepy blue ocean. You fill up my senses, come fill me again."_

Julia's eyes started to mist as John and Teyla continued.

"_Come let me love you, let me give my life to you. Let me drown in your laughter, let me die in your arms. Let me lay down beside you, let me always be with. Come let me love you, come love me again."_

John knew he had done this as a gift to Dave and Julia but as he sang the words he looked intensely at Teyla. He knew the words showed her how he felt as well. They finished up the repeat verse and looked at Dave and Julia who looked stunned.

John had barely put the guitar down when Julia walked over and gave him a huge hug. Dave was doing the same thing to Teyla.

"That was amazing!" Julia enthused. "Best wedding gift ever. We loved it! Thank you so much."

Julia moved over to embrace Teyla and John found Dave in front of him. They shook hands and Dave slapped John on the arm.

"Thanks. That was really great! And it was exactly the right gift; definitely better than china or silverware. I know Julia and I will always remember it. And you know if this whole Atlantis thing doesn't work out, you could take this show on the road. You might be able to make a living from it."

The band took a short break then announced they would be doing just one last set before the happy couple made their way to their honeymoon destination. Dave and Julia made their last rounds saying goodbye to all their guests then ducked into another room to put on their going away outfits.

When they came back and clung to each other on the dance floor, John started to feel a lump grow in his throat. This was it. This was the last time he'd see his brother and his new sister in who knew how long. He found the thought made him sad.

The music ended and Dave and Julia moved through the crowd to their vehicle. John had made sure everything was in there that they needed and knew it was time to really say goodbye. Teyla gave them both a hug and they planted a few kisses on T.J.'s face as well. Julia held onto John for quite a while and tears glistened on her face.

"Thanks for putting up with me," John said. "I know it couldn't have been easy having me around all the time."

"It was my pleasure," Julia told him sincerely. "You make sure you come and stay with us the next time you come back to Earth okay. And send videos as often as you can."

"We will," John promised. "Take care of Dave, okay. Don't let him fall back into his uptight ways. He's a pretty decent guy when he chills a little."

He moved back and saw Dave staring at him. John just smirked when he knew Dave had heard what he'd said. They moved a step closer but neither made a move to do anything.

John swallowed hard and said, "I really suck at saying goodbye."

"So don't say it," Dave returned. He pulled John in for an embrace and John held on tight. The memories of his Dad holding him came flooding back and just like that time, he didn't want to let go.

Dave squeezed him one last time and said, "I love you, John, don't forget that."

John back away slightly and replied, "I love you, too, Dave. Take care of yourself."

They stared at each other for a few more seconds then he and Julia moved into the car. Teyla moved closer and put her arm around John's waist for support. He pulled her in tight and touched his lips to her hair in thanks.

The crowd dissipated and John and Teyla spent the next hour making sure everything was picked up that needed to be brought back to the house, returned to the rental store or brought to some other location. Torren and Hannah danced and ran around the large wooden floor while the adults schlepped items to the numerous vehicles.

Finally everything seemed to be accounted for and they were ready to leave. They slipped Torren in his pajamas in the hopes he would fall asleep on the way home. Luck was with them and he did.

The sun was just setting when John carried T.J. inside and tucked him snugly in his bed. He said a little prayer that the child would stay sleeping the whole night. He had plans and they didn't involve a two year old.

Teyla slid her shoes off and deposited them in the room with Torren then stepped into the hallway to see that John had abandoned his, as well as his coat and tie. John peeked through the small opening in the door they'd left slightly ajar.

"Out cold, I hope."

"Yes, let us hope. He only had that small nap with you in the middle of the day. He _should _remain sleeping for the night."

John pulled her in closer and whispered, "Now I wonder what _we_ could do?"

His lips lowered to hers and whispered across them as well. Teyla's arms looped around John's neck and the flames in them leapt like they'd been doused in gasoline. Lips and hands moved in frenzied exploration. John moved her until her back was against the wall and pressed his body tightly to hers. Teyla started writhing and moaning in pleasure and John felt his control nearly slip. He wanted to take her right here, lift up her dress and just slide inside.

But he couldn't do that, not to Teyla and especially not on their first time. He'd had plans. _Stop and think; what were they_? She muddled his mind so much he'd almost forgotten.

He pushed himself away and panted, "Ten minutes, just give me ten minutes, okay"

Teyla looked confused but John just kissed her quickly and promised, "It'll be perfect."

Teyla took the time to use the bathroom and freshen up. She had just walked out when John returned and led her through the house to the front family room. Her eyes widened in surprise when she saw the fireplace lit and a dozen or more candles flickering through the room. In front of the fireplace were a small quilt spread out and a bottle of wine and two glasses that rested on the hearth. Soft music played in the background.

John led her to sit by the fire and poured the wine, handing her a glass.

"This is all part of your plan, I assume," Teyla inquired as she took a sip.

John took a sip also and replied, "Yes, I wanted it to be perfect and this is perfect. Just how I wanted it."

A small memory made its way through John's mind and he paused. Teyla noticed and looked at him quizzically.

"Just a sense of déjà vu. This scene is familiar. It's not that it happened before it's just…"

John shook his head and smiled. "When we were trapped in the rubble of Michael's building I was in pretty tough shape. Before I regained consciousness and realized what had happened I was having a … dream, I guess you would call it. It was kind of like this."

"And was I there?"

"Yeah," John nodded. "You and I were sitting across from each other, dressed nice, enjoying a glass of wine. I was telling you this was just what I needed and you were telling me how much you enjoyed the time we had when it was just the two of us. You thanked me for rescuing you and said you never gave up hope because you knew I would come for you. But then I didn't remember rescuing you and eventually woke up under a pile of rubble with a foot long piece of metal in my side. I liked the dream better."

"I can imagine you would. And you _did_ eventually rescue me, for which I am eternally grateful."

John took a few more sips and asked, "How grateful?"

He put the wineglass back on the hearth and eased closer to Teyla.

"Very grateful," she replied.

"Grateful enough to dance with me again?"

He pulled her up and moved her wineglass to the hearth also. His arms slid around her and he swayed to the music; his hand moving over the silky skin of her back. Only now they weren't on a crowded dance floor with too many curious eyes watching. It was only the two of them.

Teyla's arms skimmed up John's chest to drape around his neck. She gave a small tug and his head lowered enough for his mouth to capture hers. His tongue plundered inside and she returned with an assault of her own. Breathing became ragged and hands roamed in exploration.

John's lips wandered from her mouth to her throat and ravished that area as Teyla's hands clutched at his head and little whimpers erupted from her throat. John's hand floated across the area his lips and tongue had explored and when they came to the thin strap of her dress, slowly pushed it aside. His other hand followed suit then slid to her back to ease down the zipper that was responsible for holding it all up.

With the zipper undone, the dress slithered to the floor leaving Teyla standing in front of John in only a triangle scrap of lace. John's breath caught in his throat at the perfection he saw and the pleasure was almost painful.

"Oh, God, Teyla!" his voice came out raspy. "You are gorgeous!"

Teyla's stepped out of the dress and her eyes grew seductive. "I am glad my appearance pleases you. But I fear you are over dressed for this occasion."

Her hands unbuttoned John's shirt and he shrugged it off his shoulders. But when she lowered them to his belt he groaned out loud. Her hands made quick work of the belt, button and zipper. She knelt down in front of him to lower the garment to the floor and slide it off his feet.

His breathing grew harsh as she ran her hands up his legs and caressed the bulge in the front of the boxers she'd left on. He wasn't sure he'd last very long if she continued doing what she was doing. And he wanted this to last. Forever, if possible.

He pulled her up and glued his lips to her again. Hands now explored in a whole new realm. Nothing was taboo and sensations were at maximum height.

Finally, John's legs could barely hold him anymore and he lifted her up and lowered her to the quilt, laying her next to him.

"Do you remember what I said I wanted to do after I got the dress off you?"

Teyla could only nod; the desire inside her ready to explode. Her hand reached up to touch John's face and she gave him an approving smile.

John levered himself above her and lowered his head to her lips once again. They only stayed briefly then moved to her neck, shoulder and down one arm. They made their way slowly back up her arm and down the other arm then moved down toward the golden mounds anxiously awaiting his arrival.

They explored the valley in between first then traversed the incline to reach the erect peak. His tongue stroked and caressed the hardening nub then his mouth devoured and suckled until Teyla's cry filled the air.

"John!" His name from her lips spurred him on and he lavished the other peek with the same attention as the first. Her breath quickened even more and her hands clawed at his back and buttocks bringing him closer to the edge.

He moved back slightly and gazed at the heaving chest of the seductress who had him under her spell. But this was one spell he didn't want to break. His lips lowered again, this time to her stomach and they teased and traversed over the taut terrain, navigated her navel until they reached her hip and the slim ribbon holding the lace in its location.

He continued to leisurely explore past her hip, down her leg and back up, his nose teasing the area protected by the fabric. The other leg had a turn then John moved back to study the fabric impeding his ultimate goal.

But Teyla had other plans as well. She sat up and ran her hands over John's chest.

"I believe it is my turn for exploration."

John's eyes turned almost frightened, unsure how much more he could take.

Teyla touched his cheek and assured him playfully, "Do not worry, I will be gentle."

John could only groan. Teyla indeed was gentle as she moved around John and touched him, caressed him on his back, legs, chest, and shoulders, down to his navel and then lower.

She pushed aside and lowered the fabric of his shorts unleashing his manhood and showing her exactly the strength of his desire. Her strokes were also gentle but John wanted to be a bit more active in this so he pulled her in close and rolled over so he was above her again.

After a quick kiss, his hands reached down and removed the last obstruction then he sat back slightly and parted her legs around him. When Teyla raised her arms above her head and looked at him with an impish grin, he almost went over right then. His hand slid into her soft folds and found her slick and wet and more than ready for him.

But he wanted her writhing a bit more before he finished it so he allowed his fingers to play and stroke and glide in and around and about. When her hips bucked and she cried out his name again, he knew it was time. He leaned down and covered her mouth with his and slid into her moist, waiting center.

The sensations were overpowering and he had to pause for a second before moving inside her. But move he did. He started out slow but found the need inside building at unparalleled levels. Teyla's hips were moving as well. Thrusting up and back in an opposite rhythm to his.

The intensity was escalating and John could feel himself moving closer to the edge. And he knew Teyla was right there with him. A few more thrusts and he could feel the explosion pushing him right over the edge, into the freefall back to earth.

"John!" was ripped from Teyla's throat as her body convulsed in pleasure.

He felt himself sag against her and quickly rolled to his side pulling her close to him. They held each other tight and it was several minutes before their breathing slowed enough to even think about speaking.

"That was incredible! _You_ are incredible!" John said as he looked into her smugly satisfied face.

"I must admit it was quite enjoyable," Teyla said her breathing still a bit deep. "Perhaps we could partake of that experience again, once we have had sufficient time to recover."

John moved so they were both facing the fire, his arms tightly wrapped around her. "I like your way of thinking."

He pulled the edge of the quilt over both of them and relaxed in her nearness. Surprisingly they carried out Teyla's suggestion much sooner than either expected.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxox

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	21. Chapter 21

xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxox

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Josie let herself in the front door early the next morning. She knew it was only 7:30 but John was a very early riser, as was little Torren. She figured Teyla might be the only one still trying to sleep. She didn't usually work on Sunday but with the newlyweds out of the country, she planned to take a bit of time away herself. But she wanted to make sure the house was all set and that John had everything he needed for the few days she'd be gone.

As she passed the family room, her eyes were distracted. Looking into the room she saw about a dozen candles that had burned down low, a quilt haphazardly thrown in front of the fireplace and some wine glasses resting on the hearth.

Upon closer scrutiny, her mouth twisted into a wicked grin. The dress Teyla had been wearing yesterday, along with John's tuxedo pants and dress shirt lay crumpled on the floor. She then saw a pair of light blue boxer shorts peeking out from behind the chair. She didn't need an advanced math degree to add up this equation.

She quickly folded the garments and picked up the wineglasses and headed to the kitchen. She dropped them on the kitchen table to put away later and moved toward the bedrooms off the den. Both doors were open slightly and she saw that T.J. was sitting on his bed with a few toys scattered around him.

When the boy saw her, his eyes perked up and he slid off the bed. She held her finger to her lips and said, "Shh, your Mom and Dad are still asleep."

She took his hand and moved to close the door of John's room but not before T.J. had looked in to assure himself that they were indeed in there. And they were, snuggled up together with the sheet thankfully covering the most strategic spots.

She took T.J. into the kitchen and said, "Let's get you some breakfast. What would you like?"

T.J. didn't need to think twice. He clapped his hands and yelled, "Pantates!"

Josie just laughed. _Why did I even ask?_

.

.

The click of the door registered in John's subconscious but not enough to do anything more than nudge him from his deep sleep. The intoxicating scent of Teyla drifted up and roused him even more. He was on his side with Teyla spooned in his arms. The sheets were tangled around them, arms and legs exposed but keeping their middles warm.

He could feel her soft skin in his hands and didn't dare think about what part of her he was actually touching. One of his legs was between hers and her soft bottom was pressed up tight against the front of him. He moved one hand slightly and felt the round globe and prominent peak and knew immediately where it was.

And then his memory was filled with the intensity and desire they had shared last night. Not once but twice in front of the fireplace and then a few more times after he'd carried her in here. It seemed they'd just barely recover from one interlude and the flames would resurrect from the smoldering ashes that had just burnt out.

It was unlike anything he'd ever experienced before. Six years of want and desire all came to a head in one amazing night. He hoped they hadn't burned _themselves_ out but holding her in his arms now, he could feel the need start to build again. It was definitely a good thing they had waited until he was able to go back. He knew he'd be unable to survive if she'd left for any length of time.

His leg slid back and forth against hers and his hands stroked the silky warmth within them. His lips moved the few inches to her neck and nibbled softly. Teyla began to make tiny noises and shift slightly. As John continued his ministrations she became more aware of her surroundings. She turned slightly so she could see him and a huge smile lit up her face.

"Good morning," John whispered as he lightly kissed her lips.

"A _very_ good morning, after an incredibly wonderful night," Teyla exhaled as her breathe began to get heavy.

Her arms snaked around John and departed on a journey of exploration; the terrain becoming increasingly and pleasingly familiar.

John pressed his lips to hers again and let his hands also roam well-explored territory. He revisited locations that had caused ultimate pleasure during the night, hoping for a repeat of what had transpired.

John sat up and pulled Teyla to straddle his lap, her warmth desperately teasing his manhood. Her rounded form lay straight in front of his face and he seized the opportunity and drew one taut nipple in to lavish it with his tongue.

Teyla's hands grasped John's head and clenched in his hair, her breathing more ragged than ever. She wriggled in his lap, his member teasing her sensitive folds. The rigid appendage finally found and penetrated her center and she whimpered with pleasure.

John gripped her hips and pulled her flush against him, filling her completely. Those same hands then shifted her a tiny bit away and then back again. Teyla took up the rhythm and joined John in the ancient dance of sexual desire.

Hands and lips complemented the movement, spurring the flames to new heights. Higher and higher the flames soared until they erupted in each other's arms and floated slowly back down.

They stayed in that position, holding tight to each other, allowing the intense feelings to ebb on their own. No words were needed, just the beating of their hearts truly in sync with each other.

As the passion slowly waned, Teyla became more aware of her surroundings. She took note of the items in John's room, ones that he would leave behind very soon. Her eyes fell on the bedside clock and the time penetrated her foggy thoughts.

Her breath froze for a second as she asked, "Is Torren not usually awake at this time? It is almost eight o'clock."

John's head whipped around to check the time, also.

His voice was uneasy. "So where is he? He can't still be asleep."

They quickly untangled from each other and John hastily pulled on a pair of boxers. He vaguely registered Teyla plucking a shirt from his hamper while he sprinted from the room.

"T.J.?" he called out as he stuck his head in the boy's room. The pile of toys on the bed attested to the fact that the child had already awakened.

John could see he wasn't in the den so he checked the office before moving swiftly to the kitchen.

His voice was somewhat panicked as he called, "T.J.?"

His shoulders sagged in relief when he saw Josie scooping another pancake onto the plate sitting in front of the child who sat at a stool at the kitchen counter. She looked up and chuckled when she saw John hurry in.

"He's fine. I thought I'd feed him and give you and Teyla a little more time to rest. Looks like you might have been a little busy last night."

Her head turned in the direction of the family room and then to the clothes still sitting on the kitchen table.

"Thank you, Josie," Teyla said as she crept up behind John. "We did not intend to sleep so late."

"So you were sleeping, huh?" Josie questioned with a twinkle in her eyes.

John saw that Teyla had pulled on one of his button down shirts and he suddenly realized he was standing there in nothing but his underwear. Between that and the clothes they'd left in the family room, he knew they weren't fooling anyone.

"I guess we should probably get dressed," John stammered subconsciously. "I'll clean up the front room in a little while. Sorry about that."

"No need to apologize," Josie chuckled. "I estimate this little guy will need at least two more pancakes before he reaches the full mark. That gives one of you enough time for a shower."

Her head lowered and she smirked. "Or time for at least _one _shower."

Teyla and John looked covertly at each other and slowly backed away with a quick thanks. They had barely cleared the door into the den when they both dashed away toward the bathroom.

Josie chuckled again as she poured a bit more syrup on T.J.'s pancake and refilled his milk.

"We need to encourage them. I think it's time you had a little brother or sister, don't you?"

.

.

xoxoxoxoxoxxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

.

"We're just gonna make a quick stop, Pal, and then we'll head to the amusement park, okay?" John called to Torren in the back seat of the Volvo.

"Otay," T.J. called out and stuck his thumb back in his mouth. John looked at Teyla sitting next to him and a grin split his face. It seemed to be his reaction every time he even _thought _about her this week. And when he _looked_ at her, his heart started hammering in his chest and certain parts of him started standing strictly at attention.

He knew he needed to get some control over this desire she ignited in him or he'd never be able to get any work done once he was back in Atlantis. And that was only a day away. It didn't seem possible. For so long the thought of getting back there was so far in the future he tried not to think about it. But now it was here. And he hoped he was up for the challenge.

Not that he thought he couldn't do the job, heck he'd been doing it for six years. But it had been over six months and wondered if his troops would look at him the same as they always had. What would their expectations be? Would they expect him to be exactly the same as before his injury? Or would they see him as less in their eyes because it had taken so long to recover? Would they think him weaker now and less worthy of their respect?

He knew physically he was almost better than before with the exception of his little knee problem, and he didn't plan on sharing that fact with anyone. He'd been through six months of extreme physical rehabilitation. But he also knew that he really _wasn't_ exactly the same as before. So many things had changed for him. He had gotten to know his brother again and gained a sister, and actually been able to express to them his feelings.

He'd worked through a whole array of guilt and other emotions with Dr. Lambert. He'd realized maybe he could let people know when he was hurting and needed some assistance. But he also knew that assistance would only be requested from those closest to him; Teyla, Ronon and Rodney.

He took a deep breath and let those thoughts go. He looked over at Teyla again. She was wearing a cute pair of denim shorts and a tank top due to the warmness of the day. Her hair was pulled back in a ponytail and she looked almost like a teenager. Thankfully she wasn't or what they'd been doing the last few days would have been illegal.

Thinking of things that were illegal, he was thankful that he didn't have to go through a whole trial for the kidnapping case. More DNA connecting The Boss with his and other kidnappings had come through and the man had decided to go with a plea bargain versus a full scale trial, especially with so much concrete evidence against him.

So all their days had been spent together as a family and he had enjoyed every minute; lots of time in the pool and playing in the grass of the big yard. They'd gone horseback riding down to the lake and had even enjoyed a swim there.

His breath caught in his chest at those memories, too. T.J. had fallen asleep on the blanket they'd brought and he and Teyla had enjoyed a swim of their own; had enjoyed it a little too much. Luckily T.J. had slept right through their passionate interlude in the water but they knew they were pushing things. The desire was just so intense that they sometimes felt if they didn't give in to it, it might completely consume them.

And sometimes it did just that. Again, the memory of last night played through his mind. With T.J. tucked snuggly in bed and the intercom on in case he needed anything, they had gone down to the hot tub. Teyla had worn the itty bitty bikini she had teased him with a few months back. John smiled again when he remembered that it hadn't stayed on her for very long. He was surprised the water hadn't boiled away from the amount of heat they had generated.

And the nights had been filled with heat as well. Teyla had slept in his bed every night and they had even managed to get Torren comfortable staying on his own in the other bedroom. John figured that was good since he didn't want to have to compete with the boy for bed space once they were back in Atlantis. He had enjoyed having Teyla in his arms every night to help him fall asleep and waking up with her there every morning.

But today they were going to the amusement park. He was finally going to introduce Teyla and T.J. to Ferris Wheels. Tessa, Paul and Hannah were meeting them there so the kids could go on some of the rides together. But before they did that, John had something that _he_ needed to do.

He pulled through the gates of the Oakdale Cemetery and tried to remember where he was going. It had been a very long time since he'd last been here. But instinct guided him and he pulled up to the right spot.

He got Torren out of the car seat and Teyla held the flowers that they had brought. John led them through a few rows and came to a nice area near the top of a small hill. In front of them was a very large piece of granite with intricate wording on it.

"What dat?" Torren asked looking at the monument.

"This is where my parents are buried. _My_ Mom and Dad." John answered, his voice only slightly rough.

"Where your Mama and Daddy?" Torren said and looked around as if he expected to see them.

John knelt down in front of the tombstone and gathered T.J. close in his arms. Teyla stood beside him and put her hand on his shoulder.

"They're not actually here, T.J. They died a while ago. This just helps us remember them."

T.J. looked up at John's face and touched his fingers to John's cheek. "You sad?"

John gave him a tiny smile and said, "Yeah, sometimes when I think about them, I am. But you know, I also remember the really good times we had and know I was lucky because they loved me very much."

John nearly choked on the last few words but knew in his heart it was the truth. His Dad may have had a funny way of showing it, but there was no doubt in John's mind now that his father had loved him dearly. Many of the negative memories started to fade, to be replaced by so many of the good ones. And John began to remember all of the good ones now. Ones he hadn't thought of in years.

"Mom, Dad, I brought you something," John directed at the marker in front of him. Teyla handed him the flowers and John laid them down beneath the inscribed names.

"Peach roses, your favorite, Mom." John stated then continued. "I also brought my family here to meet you."

He reached for Teyla's hand and pulled her down to kneel next to him. "This is Teyla. She's an absolutely amazing woman and I know you would have loved her. She means more to me than I can ever express and I want you to know I'll do everything I can to make her happy, because she makes _me_ happy."

He leaned down and kissed T.J.'s head. "And this is Torren. Torren John. He's named after me and he's Teyla's son. He's not really mine but I've come to love him just as much as if he were. And Teyla has allowed me to become a real part of his life and I am forever grateful for that."

Teyla squeezed John's hand and gave him an approving smile. It gave him the courage to go on.

"Dad, I found your letter. I wish you had sent it; I'm not really sure why you didn't. Maybe time just got away from you; I know how that happens sometimes. But I would have written back. I never wanted you to think I hated you. I didn't. I just wanted you to love me, for who I was, not who you wanted me to be. I would never have been happy that way. But I guess you eventually realized that. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't make the effort to try and fix things. For a long time I thought that wasn't possible. I hope you forgave me; I like to think you did. And just so you know; I forgive you."

John found his throat didn't quite work anymore so he just sat back and held on tight to the boy in his lap. T.J. seemed to sense John's mood and wrapped his arms around his neck.

He planted a few kisses on John's cheek and whispered, "Don't be sad, Daddy. I here."

John held on tighter to the child and heard Teyla sniff. He looked in her direction but she was looking at the stone.

"You should know that your son is a wonderful man. He is intelligent, intensely loyal, a wonderful father to my son and he has accomplished a good many things that have made him stand above so many others. You should be proud of what he has done during his time here. I am proud that he has chosen me to stand and walk beside him in this life."

The little family sat that way for a few minutes before John felt he had gotten himself under control again. He knew he'd have to work on that. He stood up and Teyla followed suit. She looked again at the writing on the memorial.

"When your aunt spoke of your mother, she called her Beth. That is not what it says here." Teyla said curiously.

"No, Beth was her nickname," he looked at the writing proclaiming the placement of Patrick Sheppard and his wife.

"Her name was Elizabeth."

"It is a lovely name," Teyla stated.

John nodded, "Yes, one for lovely people."

Teyla also nodded and they moved back to the vehicle; memories of other people coming to the surface.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

.

"Pull the stick toward you and you'll go up higher," John instructed T.J. as he sat in a little helicopter that was slowly going around in a circle. Hannah was on the one right behind him and she had already realized that the closer you moved the stick in your direction the higher the helicopter went.

But Torren simply thought it was cool that he was going around in a circle. John just laughed and shook his head as Teyla took another picture. T.J. got very excited all of a sudden and grabbed for the stick and the helicopter rose in the air. When he let go, the machine went down again. John saw the exact moment when he realized the correlation between what he was doing and what was happening.

When he got off, he immediately ran over to the adults and shouted, "Aden!"

Hannah seconded the request and John said, "Sure. There's no line so you might as well."

He looked at Tessa and Paul to make sure they were okay with it. They were just happy to be off their feet for a few minutes. They'd trudged around the park for a while hitting the rides that were appropriate for the little ones. A half hour ago, they had found this area where all the rides were just for the smallest of children. And luckily it wasn't very crowded.

"Okay, Pal, this time make sure you keep airborne for a while. If you fly too low you run a greater risk of getting shot down. And believe me, I can tell you from experience it's no fun."

The kids climbed in a helicopter again and John sat down on the bench with Paul while Tessa and Teyla waved to the little pilots.

"Where'd you go down?" Paul asked nodding his head in the direction of the helicopters.

"Afghanistan." John replied keeping his eye on Torren's beaming face.

"You get rescued right away?"

John sucked in a deep breath and said without emotion, "No. Not for a few weeks."

"Rough, huh?"

John swallowed hard at the memory. "It was hell."

Paul remained quiet after that, figuring no one wanted to share those kinds of memories. John settled back on the bench and waited for T.J. and Hannah to be done.

The kids spent another hour running from helicopters to boats to ponies to fire engines and the other collection of rides only they could fit on. By the time they were starting to sag, John knew he could use a nap as well.

He, Teyla and T.J. bought some food for a quick supper and said goodbye to Hannah and her parents. They had other plans for the evening and needed to get back home.

After eating, John hefted T.J. in his arms and strolled in a small circle for a while to get the child to fall asleep. Normally they wouldn't want him sleeping this late in the day but knew they planned on being here for a while and didn't want him crabby for the rest of the time.

John wanted to take Teyla and Torren on the Ferris Wheel but knew the best time to go on was after it got dark and the whole area was lit up. They could waste time until then.

Once T.J. was asleep, John sat down on the bench that Teyla was on and held the boy close. Teyla leaned on his shoulder and sighed.

"Torren has enjoyed himself immensely today, John. Thank you."

John turned so his face was mere inches from hers and asked, "What about you? Are you enjoying yourself?"

"Very much," Teyla replied. She thought about some of the rides that John had insisted she go on while Tessa and Paul had kept an eye on Torren; roller coaster, bumper cars, some other contraptions that went around very fast. They had returned the favor and had watched Hannah while her parents did the same.

She smiled when she remembered how John had spent a bit of time at the shooting gallery trying to win Torren a large bear. It had taken quite a few rounds for John to get enough points to win the big one he wanted.

The man running the event had looked at John suspiciously when he was hitting all the marks on the first try. Then he had seen his dog tags hanging out when John had leaned over and he had realized John was military.

"If I had known you were serving our country and keeping us safe, I would have just _given_ you the bear," the man said when John pointed to the one he wanted.

"You gotta earn it," John replied with pride and handed the bear to Torren, whose eyes went wide when he saw the animal was almost as big as he was. It was now sitting in the umbrella stroller they had brought to haul Torren around and Torren was in John's lap.

Teyla smiled at John once again and he moved the last few inches and deposited a few kisses on her lips. Teyla closed her eyes and enjoyed the feel of them there. She kept her head on John's shoulder and felt his arm go around hers. They stayed that way for a while, both of them perfectly happy to be sitting here like this, just the three of them.

.

.

"Daddy, we doe on a wide now?"

John nodded his head at the boy then looked at Teyla.

"Are you okay with that, Teyla?"

Teyla looked quizzically at him.

"T.J. calling me Daddy. I mean, Kanaan is …"

"Kanaan is Torren's _father._ You are his _Daddy_. Is there not a distinction on this world? I believe Julia showed me a shirt when we were shopping that said 'Any man can be a father but it takes someone special to be a Daddy'. I believe you are that special man, John. And Torren _very_ much needs a Daddy."

"Great!" John grinned then hefted the boy into his arms and pointed at the big circle in the air nearby.

"That's what we're going on. It's called a Ferris Wheel. It's my favorite thing to go on here. When you get to the top, you can see forever."

"We doe a top?" Torren's eyes were wider than ever.

John nodded again as they got in line. "But there's a rule for this ride. If you get stopped at the top, you need to give me a kiss."

He looked at Teyla and added, "Both of you."

Teyla smiled and wondered how many of the rules John claimed there were on this planet actually existed. But this one she did not mind in the least. She was more than happy to kiss him any time he asked.

Their turn came quickly and they settled in the seat with T.J. in the middle.

"You need to stay sitting, though, Pal, okay? If you stand up, it's very dangerous."

Eyes still wide, the young boy nodded but scooted closer to John's side. John put his right arm on the back of the bench seat, touching Teyla's shoulder and his left hand rested on T.J.

As the ride moved up and around, it stopped in several locations to allow more people to get on and off. John looked down and enjoyed the view. He pointed out a few sites to Teyla and T.J. and they seemed to relax a bit more as they started moving around continuously now that everyone had been boarded.

They went up and around and up and around for a good many minutes and then they started to disembark passengers. The second stop left them at the very top of the Ferris Wheel and John cleared his throat and reminded them of the rules.

He leaned down and T.J. looked up at him saying, "Here your tiss, Daddy." and his sweet lips touched John's briefly then he looked at his mother.

"Otay, Mama, da wule is you dotta tiss Daddy. So you needa tiss him."

"Well, if that is the rule, then I suppose I must." Teyla sounded resigned.

She leaned toward John and pressed her lips to his waiting ones. His hand pulled her shoulder closer and he increased the pressure. The big machine started moving again and they reluctantly broke apart.

"Is this why you like Ferris Wheels so much, John?"

"It wasn't," John replied. "But I think I like them even more now."

.

.

xoxoxoxoxoox xoxoxoxooxox xoxoxoxoxoxo

.

"Colonel Sheppard! It's great to see you!" Dr. Lambert called out as John entered his office.

The three of them were headed to the SGC today and wanted to say a last goodbye and thank you to everyone who'd had a hand in helping with his recovery.

Lambert put out his hand and shook John's as Teyla and T.J. moved in behind him.

"Teyla, it's nice to see you again. And this must be T.J.," Lambert reached out to ruffle the child's hair. "I didn't get a chance to meet him last time he was here."

Teyla greeted him back and said yes this was Torren.

He looked at John in his dress blues and commented, "Can I take it you report back for duty today?"

"Yeah, we're on our way to the airport. I just wanted to stop by and say thank you for everything you did for me. I know I was a little hesitant at first but I have to admit I think … maybe … it was kind of helpful. And I appreciate that."

John lifted a long thin bag from a larger one on the floor and handed it to the doctor. "Just a little gesture of appreciation."

Lambert pulled out the elegant bottle and exclaimed, "This is my favorite wine. I can't believe you remembered that. I think I only mentioned it once. But Colonel, I'm not supposed to accept gifts from patients."

"I'm not your patient anymore, Doc, so it's not a problem," John reminded him. "Or you can just say it's from Teyla. She was never your patient."

Lambert thanked him again and wished him good luck. "If you're ever back on Earth and you need someone to listen or to talk to, remember, I'm here."

"Thanks, Doc. I will remember that."

They moved toward the elevator and went up to the second floor. Luckily Helen was sitting at the desk finishing up some paperwork. She noticed their approach right away and rushed over to meet them.

T.J. held up his arms and yelled, "Hi!"

Helen scooped him up and gave him a big hug.

He kissed her cheek and announced, "We dot you fowers!"

John reached into the large bag he was carrying and pulled out a few bouquets of roses.

"These are for you," he told Helen then called out to the younger woman still at the desk. "Gina."

Gina looked surprised and exclaimed, "For me? Thank you so much!"

"No, it's me who should be saying thank you," John addressed both women. "You were so great while I was here and I just wanted to let you know that I appreciate the support."

Teyla cocked her head and added, "_We_ appreciate the support."

"Are Rosie, Mary and Lisa around? I already gave some to Tammy and Kristy downstairs."

"Did Josh get flowers, too? I'm sure he'd love them," Helen asked.

"I got him a case of beer," John answered and took the bag that Teyla was holding.

"Actually it's right here. Can I leave it behind the desk? I plan on going down to the therapy room after this but I'm not sure he'll want it lying around."

"That's fine," Gina assured him as Helen finished paging the others.

John handed them another bouquet and said, "These are for the night staff. Tell Donna, Polly and Michelle they'll have to share."

Helen nodded. "Lisa's with a new patient downstairs so I think you'll have to go to _her_ but here are Mary and Rosie now,"

Helen turned and saw the two women coming toward the nurse's station.

"Colonel Sheppard!" They both greeted as they got in distance.

"We wished to thank you for all you have done for John while he was here," Teyla said as John handed them their flowers.

"I wouldn't have made it through without you," John pointed out. "I really appreciate all the time and effort you gave me."

"You put all the effort in," Rosie replied a few tears leaking from her eyes. "We just told you what to do."

John smiled at the tough-as-grizzle woman who was now trying to keep herself from crying. He reached out and gave her a big hug.

"I don't care what they say," he indicated the nurses behind him, "I think your husband's lucky to have you."

Mary and Gina got hugs as well and Helen told them she was taking her morning break and would walk them down to find Lisa. Torren insisted he hold her hand as they went and Helen's eyes got misty, too.

They found Lisa with Josh just finishing up with a patient. John walked over and shook the man's hand.

"Hey, I just wanted to say thank you for all that you did for me. I appreciate the effort and for pushing me as much as you did. You got me back to active duty much quicker than anyone expected."

Josh just laughed. "Colonel, I don't think anyone pushed you anywhere near as much as you pushed yourself. I've never seen anybody work so hard in my life for a goal. But I honestly think your _motivation_ is standing right behind you."

He indicated Teyla and Torren who were chatting with Lisa.

John just grinned. "You're probably right. Uh, there's a little something I left for you near the second floor nurse's station. You might want to make sure Gina doesn't take it. She had her eye on it."

They shook hands again and John turned toward Lisa who already had flowers in her hand.

"Thank you, Lisa, for being there for me every day. You don't know how much I really appreciate it."

Lisa's eye narrowed. "Enough to pay off my son's braces, I'll wager. The orthodontist office told me someone came in and settled his whole bill. You wouldn't know anything about that, would you?"

John shrugged his shoulders and made a face. "Don't know what you're talking about."

"Colonel," Lisa started to complain but John cut her off.

"Listen, I'm a Colonel with twenty years of service. That's not pocket change. Plus where I'm stationed I have no need of a mortgage, a car, I wear black T-shirts most of the time. There's not a lot to spend it on. And the malls aren't real close by. So don't worry about it. Not that I'm admitting to anything, mind you."

Lisa just laughed and said, "Then thank you."

They chatted for a few more minutes then Josh said he had another patient coming in. Hugs and handshakes were given all around and Colonel Sheppard and his family left.

"Well, now it's back to trying to get these people to actually put in an effort," Josh commented. "I'm gonna miss that man's stamina."

Helen just grinned. "But I'll bet Teyla won't."

They all just smiled.

.

.

xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxox xoxoxoxoxo

.

"You're all set and clear to go through, Colonel," Dr. Lee announced to Sheppard after they'd been hanging around the Midway Station for twelve hours. It hadn't been as bad as he'd expected. He, Teyla and T.J. had tucked themselves into one of the rooms and attempted to stay away from Lee and Kavanaugh as much as possible.

They'd kept Torren awake for the first half of the time, skipping the nap he normally would have had so he would sleep more the second half. Atlantis time was a bit different and they would be arriving there around 0h nine hundred. John and Teyla had tried to rest a bit, too, during the last few hours there. Of course, T.J. could actually take a nap if he was tired throughout the day but John knew _he_ had work to do.

This was especially brought home when he badgered Kavanaugh into letting him see the latest batch of mission and status reports that had gone through to the SGC from Atlantis. John had spent much of the Midway time catching up on what had been going on in his beloved city. And some of the things he wasn't happy about.

It sounded like Armstrong had done quite a bit of rearranging while he'd been gone. Teams, shifts, duty rosters, protocols, all of that stuff had been altered in some way. And not for the better as far as John could see. This man obviously had no idea about some of the complexities of the Pegasus Galaxy and her inhabitants. He was trying to run the base like it was still on Earth.

John started to get nervous and old insecurities grew bigger the closer the time got to step through the gate to Atlantis. How would her denizens greet him back? Would they welcome him or be so used to Armstrong's way of doing things that they didn't want him to return. Teyla insisted everyone was very excited about his arrival but then he thought she might be a little biased.

He took a deep breath and picked up his large duffel bag. He felt a little over dressed in his formal uniform but he had no BDU's with him and thought the uniform might help him with his confidence level. He _felt _like a Military Commander.

"Thanks Dr. Lee, Kavanaugh, always a pleasure," he said but tried to keep the sarcasm from coming through too much.

Teyla hefted the few bags she had, hers and Torren's, and moved closer to the gate as the chevrons started to glow. T.J. only had his big bear in his arms but still put them up to John and whined to be picked up. He never really liked to walk through the Stargate on his own. John figured they'd have to work on that.

He leaned down and swung the child onto his hip, took a deep breath and walked through the gate with Teyla only a step behind him. The sight that greeted his eyes took his breath away for a minute.

The gate room was filled to capacity!

Soldiers, scientists, medical staff all lined the room, the stairs and even the balconies. It was so overwhelming John didn't even notice when the gate shut down behind him.

Suddenly the soldiers all gave a smart salute and then a thunderous applause echoed through the cavernous space. T.J. wiggled in his arms and John absentmindedly lowered him to the floor. His eyes continued to scan the area.

Ronon, Rodney, Jennifer, Zalenka and Lorne were all standing right in front of him. Woolsey was on the balcony outside his office.

Lorne took a step forward, gave another respectful salute and said, "Welcome back, Colonel. It's really good to see you."

John swallowed hard and tried to speak. He wasn't sure if he would be able to; his emotions were on overload at the moment.

He cleared his throat and finally managed, "Thank you, Major. Was this your doing?" He motioned to the overcrowded room.

"No, Sir," Lorne smiled. "Just a few people who missed you and wanted to welcome you back."

The others standing nearby came over and shook his hand in greeting.

"It's about damn time, Sheppard."

"It is good to see you again, Colonel."

"I'm glad to see you proved me wrong."

"Oh, thank God you're back."

They greeted Teyla back, too, but then John noticed a large, well built man about ten years his senior walking his way. He was wearing the casual version of the dress uniform, not BDU's like the rest of the military on base. His hair was cropped and his face stern. This had to be Armstrong.

John could feel a hurricane brewing in his stomach and started feeling totally inadequate next to this man. Maybe they had all missed him but how would they react when he took over again. Had they liked this man's no-nonsense approach and attitude better?

"Colonel Sheppard, this is Colonel Armstrong," Lorne introduced.

John put out his hand in greeting and felt the more-than-firm grip of the other officer, almost as if he were competing for a prize. Was the prize Atlantis?

John looked around at the faces of the people in the gate room, especially the military personnel and saw the excitement and acceptance of his return. He saw the respect in their eyes. These were _his_ people. This was _his_ city. He felt the familiar energy run through him that he always got when he returned home to this place.

Home! He was home! This is where he belonged. His confidence started returning gradually then all of a sudden flooded him with its strength. _This was home_!

"Colonel Armstrong," John said. "Thanks for watching over Atlantis while I was gone."

"You're welcome, Colonel," Armstrong returned brusquely then continued, "I mentioned to the SGC that it might be a good idea for me to stay around for a few weeks to help you transition back. I'm sure you're tired from your travel and need some rest."

John glanced around the room again and felt his courage and strength grow even stronger.

"I appreciate the offer, Colonel, but I've been resting for more than six months. I need to get to work. If you want to hang around for a few days to give me a hand; I'm sure I could use the help."

He looked one last time at the crowd. "But for right now I have work to do. And I'm sure the rest of you have work to do too, so get to it!"

The assembled group started dissipating until only a few key personnel were left.

"Major Lorne," Sheppard called. "I want to meet with all off world teams at some point today starting at thirteen hundred hours. I need you to set this up and provide me with a schedule. I want a data pad available with mission logs dating back the last few months sorted by team to refer to when I meet with them. We'll use the conference room."

Sheppard started walking up the stairs and was met by Richard Woolsey at the top.

"Colonel, it's good to see you up and about again. Welcome back."

"Thank you, Mr. Woolsey. It's good to be back. Now we need to discuss the trade agreement with the Menarians. Teyla tells me they recently had an earthquake that contaminated much of their water supply. I think I've got an idea how to help them."

He turned around and addressed Rodney and Radek who had followed him up the stairs. "I need you two to pull a few of the water filtration units out of that old damaged part of the city, south of the tower. I think you said the units weren't actually damaged, right?"

"No," Zalenka replied. "They are still able to work but they are not getting power to them."

"Great! See if you can hook them up to a portable generator. We'll need them ready by tomorrow morning."

John looked back toward Woolsey. "I already asked Teyla to set up a meeting with Smeeden for that time. We need the Menarians on our side when it comes to Coalition matters. And we need them desperately for our food supply."

"Colonel Sheppard," Armstrong interrupted. "The Menarians are asking for a two week commitment of labor from our people during their harvest. I've already said we can't afford to lose that kind of manpower for that long."

John turned around and faced Armstrong head on. "The Menarians are our biggest supplier of fresh produce. If we don't make this agreement, we don't have enough food to feed those soldiers you're so worried about. So if we need to turn a dozen or so Marines into farmers for a few weeks, then that's what we do!"

Woolsey let out an audible sigh and said, "I'll start drafting a new agreement to include the water filtration system." He turned and walked toward his office.

Sheppard strode toward the control room and greeted the techs sitting there. They all stood at attention as soon as he got near.

"Welcome back, Sir." Chuck said enthusiastically and shook the Colonel's hand.

Amelia seconded that greeting and added, "We're glad you were able to recover quicker than expected."

"Thanks, Can you bring up the long range sensors? I just want to see what 's going on in the neighborhood."

The screen in front of him came on with blips and lights and Sheppard pointed to a few dots.

"How long has this hive ship been on here?"

"It showed up yesterday." Amelia reported. "But the trajectory doesn't bring it anywhere near Atlantis, Sir."

"Yeah, I see that. But what about this planet? McKay, is there anything in the database about it?"

Rodney tapped a few keys on the console in front of him. "Ah, … yes, it's called Fridonis. Apparently there's a small settlement on it."

"Teyla," John addressed the woman who had also followed him up the stairs. "Have you heard of it?"

Teyla shifted Torren to her other hip and responded, "Yes, my people have traded with them on occasion. They are simple, nomadic people, like mine. Is there a problem?"

"The Wraith will be passing pretty close by in about two or three days. We should probably give them a head's up and see if we can relocate them, at least until after the Hive Ship has passed by."

Armstrong cleared his throat. "Colonel, we can't save every planet in this galaxy from the Wraith. We don't have enough manpower. It's a foolish mission."

"We have more than enough manpower to send one team to give a warning," Sheppard informed him. "And every time we help someone out, it's a potential ally in our fight against the Wraith. Lorne,"

Sheppard turned toward his 2IC and ordered, "Get a team together and send them to New Athos to pick up Halling. He usually has success in getting people to evacuate. Then get them to this Fridonis ASAP before the Wraith send down ships to start culling."

"Yes, Sir!" Lorne snapped crisply and moved out of the room.

"Colonel, I must object," Armstrong protested. But before he could finish what he was going to say, Sheppard held up his hand.

"You can object all you want, Colonel. But the fact remains that I was put back on active duty as of twelve hours ago. And the second I walked through that gate it put _me_ back in command. I appreciate any assistance or information you want to provide but as of right now … this is _my_ city."

.

.

Richard Woolsey watched from his balcony as Sheppard continued to check displays and give orders. He could tell Colonel Armstrong wasn't happy about this turnover in power but Richard didn't care. He was glad Sheppard was back. He thought _Atlantis _was glad, too. He was never one for fanciful thinking but he could have sworn the lights seemed to be shining a little brighter, more powerful, once the Colonel had walked back in.

He continued to watch the hustle and bustle of the control room and knew John Sheppard was where he was supposed to be.

He gave a quiet little smile and whispered, "Welcome back, Colonel. It's good to have you _home_ again!"

.

.

.

.

_finis_

_thanks to all who stuck it out. Hope it was worth it!_


End file.
